Monthly Archives: November 2014

HWP – Does It Really Matter?

This topic was chosen today by my hubby…. HWP means height weight proportional – this is a topic that annoys him when he reads it in profiles… and often it is in reference to ‘we are fit and expect you to be as well or at least HWP’. However, there is nothing to designate what their definition of HWP is…

I have spent a good 40 minutes looking for pictures of men who are the same weight and different heights to see how their bodies differ from one another… but I can only find this one of women… I tried… but it appears that this is a bigger issue for women to compare to others than men in body shape/weight… seems the guys are  more worried about their chest, abs, and cocks and how they compare to others as that is what my very vanilla google search provided with the same search words….

Here is the female version…

I personally do not have a problem with comparing myself with other women… because I don’t compare myself to other women…. there will always be women prettier than me, uglier than me, skinnier than me, fatter than me… doubt any women will look the same as me in looks or in body shape so why compare myself to another person… I am not petite… and there are some reasons for me not being petite and those rest solely on me…. so why make others suffer from me talking incessantly about my weight… I am who I am and cannot be anyone else… so why try…. why go through that shit…. and feel bad because I cannot possibly have their bodies, hair, or face…. I believe in acceptance of who I am and so far in my life… that has been rather good to me… 
Besides, hubby focuses on this way too much – weight… enough for both of us… he frets about a pound here or a pound there… he is afraid he will be considered outside HWP… he is not FAT…. but he focuses on the whole issue of HWP too much… about himself and how he will match up to someone else’s idea of HWP. I say who the fuck cares… if they think I am too fat for them to fuck… then so be it… they do not have to be with me… they don’t have to meet me… and they certainly do not have to fuck me… I do not lie about my weight… I have pics of my body and am honest with people who have profiles that go on and on about HWP when they contact us… I tell them that I am not skinny and I do not think I will fit in with what is on their profile… 

Many of these people go on to tell me that they are not really concerned with most women’s bodies… as they do like women who are of all shapes and sizes… so let me ask…. Why do you focus on the HWP shit in your profile?

Their answer…. they do not want to get stuck with a woman that is 300 pounds or more in weight…

My comment… then ask for a current picture… or perv their profile and say “Sorry, don’t think we are a match.” Why put the HWP, FIT, and other similar terms throughout your profile that makes you sound like a snob…..

Seems they cannot answer that question. So me being me… I ask them… how many really fun, sexy, hot, and great fucks have you missed because you put all that shit in your profile…. they have no idea… I tell them… this conversation we are having is only happening because I told you via email that your profile rules me out and I am confused as to why you are contacting me… I am not fit… I can fuck with the best of them… but I am not fit… I have extra weight otherwise known as fat…and you want to have a fit person or a HWP person and I have no idea if I fit in the HWP definition you have… because you have not bothered to tell anyone what you define as HWP…

No lie folks… there has not been one of those people who have turned down playing with me… they wanted to play with me… and they expanded their definition…. which makes me wonder… why put that shit in there at all….

And because of who I am and the type of orneriness I have in me… I ask them if they will make exceptions for all women or just those who they read their certs, forum posts, or chatted with or is there some other exception to that rule….

Hey, you want to work both sides of the rule… you have to expect some shit to fall back on you….

Here is what I found….

Most men and women enjoy the feeling of “I am better than others”. This is a proven theory… I cannot remember the exact theory name at this time, but here is the gist of it… a pretty girl will gather other girls around her, but she will only pick girls she feels superior too… either skinnier than, prettier than, richer than, smarter than… and wait… this happens in guys too… no one wants to think that they are the LESSER of the group… they will seek others they feel are below them…

Now here is where it gets interesting… Sometimes… well, often… the person’s opinion of themselves are not…well, they are not accurate….

They think they are prettier… but they do not see the wart on their nose…meaning… their beauty is their beauty but that doesn’t mean others are seeing them as beautiful… they may be pretty… but their attitude is not… or their personality is dull…. or their face is pretty their body is not….

As in so many people feel that they are pretty but others have their own idea of pretty and this person may not fulfill that definition…

Also, when someone has one or more persons willing to hang with them as in a clique… the impression is that they are very popular… so many fail to consider… they are just in the same proximity as the ‘cool kids’ and they are associated with the cool kids though they are not… or that the public seems to think that they are popular and will mimic what the others are saying because they don’t want to go against the grain… but they do not really think the person is as hot as they think they are…

So this person thinks they are all that… but very few others think the same thing… but the group mentality is in place… no one wants to be ‘disliked’ for having a different opinion.

How does this relate to HWP…. just a second while I reread this post and see where the hell I was going and if I can get back there…..

Oh yeah, the people who claim they need fit or if necessary tolerate HWP in order for them to be attracted to others…. have you ever looked at them piece by piece….

You might as well…they are judging you….go ahead and take a real assessment and be honest… not cruel… but honest about their face, body, personality and include height and weight… and maybe their profession…all these things matter…

How many really hot bodied men and women are also very pretty in the face? Yes, there are some… I am not going on and on that fit people are ugly… but damn… we have seen a number of fit people that are not pretty in the face… we have also seen a number of people not quite FIT but really pretty/handsome in face….and OMG we have seen some pretty and fit people with really boring and bad personalities…

Yes… we have seen ugly, fat, and bad personality folks too… not saying that hot and fit equals bad personalities…

But we have seen some folks that do not quality as fit… possibly not even HWP – by that imaginary standard no one really can explain…. or define… that are pretty and have the best personalities….

And there are those who have hot bodies, pretty faces, and great personalities that are the worst fucks in the world… like they feel entitled…. entitled to just lay there and be a bad fuck…

Hubby has found that many of the woman who would not be considered beautiful because of their fitness but had a very pretty face and a kick ass personality were dynamos in the sack…

Yes we all know that you are entitled to your adventure your way… but as the image above demonstrates… going by the height and weight alone is not a representative of who the person is… and come on… just because someone is fit or fat… doesn’t make you an expert predictor of personality or chemistry….

You just never really know why you are attracted to someone…

Have you ever wondered why when you meet someone you do not realize certain things about them… your mind doesn’t focus on this or that… but will notice the chemical reactions he or she causes in your body…. and if someone says… hey they aren’t as hot as you think… you cannot see that…. and I am not talking spouse but play partner….

I have enjoyed playing with men and women of all shapes, sizes, looks… and I can honestly say I do not have a type… much to hubby’s dismay… he cannot seem to figure out what will turn me on in a playmate… but is that such a bad thing…

I have had many playmates tell me how beautiful and sexy I am… they have caressed with great (shit the proper word is escaping me here) tenderness… reverence… feeling… erotically… the areas in which I could call my “I HATE THIS PART OF ME” spots… but they didn’t seem to think anything of it… and you know what… that is good….

I have enjoyed their parts that may not have been their favorites… but I found it sexy, adorable, hot… or whatever I felt at the time…

And I have found many women who did not have perfect bodies… perfectly wonderful… and responsive… and damn.. isn’t that the purpose of all this….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure… no matter what….

Sophia

How Honest Are You With Your…

How honest are you with your spouse, partner, or others you meet about your sexually social adventure?

I have had a number of conversations recently with a number of different people and there have been some words/statements that make me wonder how honest people are about the sexually social adventure…

I am not saying people are purposely deceiving each other… or out and out lying to each other… but I have to wonder how many of the people on this sexually social adventure are being completely honest…

Now to give everyone the benefit of doubt… sometimes you do not know what you are thinking/wanting/needing until some ah-ha moment happens and then you are feeling like that epiphany needs to be worked though and  your spouse may be behind the 8-ball…. Then there are feelings of maybe guilt because you didn’t tell your spouse but you had let others know… in subtle and often unsure ways… because you were communicating with them when the ah-ha moment happened…

Someone else may know more about this epiphany than your spouse but it wasn’t intentional… and then there are some feelings that you should or shouldn’t tell them about the conversation because they may not understand that you talked to someone else about something and not them… but the conversation started innocently and then it quickly deepened… and again it is not against your spouse in anyway… but you have this desire or fantasy that someone else knows… and not your spouse…

Or maybe you have talked with someone – again the conversation just flowed and then the fantasy developed and it is not something your spouse would be into but this person is and you can explore it with them and not the spouse…

Or maybe what you thought you wanted in the very beginning changed for you and not for them or as quickly as it has for you… and you want to go slow… but you need to talk with someone about this and it can’t be your spouse because they are just not on the same page…

Another scenario… you guys just don’t talk that much about these things… if someone wants to play the other just tags along… not really into it but not really not into it… just going with the status quo… and that means that unless someone complains about it… it will remain the same and that is okay because at least you get to play…

Often spouses and partners do not realize they are in this type of pattern….they are not happy with the way things are… but at the same time.. they are not bothered enough to change it… why rock the boat…

This may be a new adventure for them and they do not want to do anything to stop the freedom to play with others…

But there isn’t really TRUE FREEDOM because you are not being honest with your partner about the feelings you are having, the changes you are experiencing, nor the desires you have left unfulfilled…

Many couples say they are in this together… and yes, they are… but not on the same page… not anymore… no longer equally feeling nervous, scared, or newbie-ish… they are feeling bolder, wild, and wanting more than what they have currently… but they know their partner is not there yet and they can’t be honest about it… they can’t be fulfilled while their partner is moving at a slower speed…

Being honest about what you want is only part of the process…. You can talk and talk and talk until you are out of breath… but if you do not put action behind those words, you will not see the results…

If this adventure is something you both want to pursue… you both have desires you want to fulfill..you have to be honest with each other about… if your intentions have changed since you began… or if you feel more comfortable then bring that up with your spouse and make steps to address how to take care of both of your needs…

It is more important that you talk about this and put a plan of action in place than one thinks… Too many times I have heard someone tell me that their spouse is slower to move forward than they are… the mind will play games with you… it will make this an obsession… you will fixate on a person or an activity… you will want what you can’t have to the point that you will start sabotaging your primary relationship because their reluctance has caused them to focus too much on what they cannot have…

This is going to sound funny to some… true to others… and even more so hateful/hurtful to others if you do not address this…

But you have to ask yourself (both parts of the couple)… who is really being selfish?

Now, you may think that if you are slow to move forward you are the one least selfish… but are you?

See this is where you may think I am being hateful/hurtful. I am not. Believe me when I say this… I have seen a lot of resentment come out when a spouse is wanting more than the other spouse will allow… and why won’t they allow it? When a female can do whatever to whomever and whenever… but the male half cannot but wants too….you ask a few questions and you find out there are a number of jealousy issues… insecurity… and other issues that are not cockhold related… but they are insecurities, jealousies, and a need to control the shit out of the other person… and it is done with lying, manipulating, controlling, and other passive/aggressive behavior towards the spouse not allowed to do as much as they want….

The spouse being held back knows this and begins to resent this… and then they look for ways to get around this loophole… they spend more time communicating with someone not their spouse… they want them badly and they will do what they can to get that to happen… and this is when swinging becomes more like cheating…

So how is the spouse not doing these activities the selfish one? Because their motivations for holding back is based on just them… there is nothing about the other person that matters more… In a marriage it is supposed to be 50/50… if she can fuck a man but he can’t fuck a woman… how is that 50/50? How is that fair? How is that going to be beneficial in the long run to both parties? Worse still is the fact that the behavior stems from controlling them or manipulating them to get what they want but not allowing the other to have those same ‘privileges’… How can one expect this to turn out good?

It can’t.

Now before you think I am saying that what the other spouse has done is right… I am not… but it is a natural step…. when you can’t get what you want in a situation where sexual freedom is in place, you still seek for those things you are denied… He should have just talked about it with his spouse and then they would have had this issue out in the open…

A number of times the guy in this type of situation will ‘sneak’ sex while his spouse is right there… thinking she won’t know or maybe that she won’t say anything…

We were at this house after a party with a couple… they invited us back to play… my hubby was paying her lots of attention and she loved it… a lot… they were snuggling, flirting, and making out and all was good while she was the center of attention… but when her man paid attention to me… suddenly she had to have his attention…

We were all in a hot tub… and she was with my hubby and having a good time.. but she looked back and saw that I was straddled over her husband’s lap and kissing him… she had it in her head that we were fucking each other… we weren’t… I may have been moving my hips to make it look like I was riding him… but we were just doing rubbing his cock against my pussy (ON THE OUTSIDE)… but she accused him of fucking me and being disrespectful of her… Now, what she was doing with hubby was far more involved than the humping on the outside of him like a middle school kid… but she had it in her head that this was not what was really happening… She suddenly got sick… won’t give you the details because they are not important… but her ‘illnesses’ and there were many were all attention seeking behaviors… Later on… because we were too drunk to drive… we stayed over… and he tried to fuck me while his wife and my hubby were asleep next to us in the same bed… he really didn’t want to be denied… he was… but that wasn’t the point… he wanted what she denied him and it wasn’t because they agreed to soft swap only and he was breaking their rule… it was because he was really enjoying himself and she felt jealous… and I don’t get that… and he didn’t get any from me that night… because well… I don’t have to sneak or cheat to play with others and I won’t play with others in that way….

We have had one part of the couple talk about going behind their spouse’s back until the spouse is on the same page… and yes, we have talked with both parts of the couple… but the one spouse is not ready to move forward and can we have a threesome until they are… or even a private date – don’t tell anyone just me and him – until the others are on board…

The answer in that case is no…

My hubby and I have hall passes… we also have open communication… If I want to fuck someone and he is aware of that… we do not have to sneak around behind the other’s back… we can make arrangements to do so… and how great is that… same goes for him… he is free to hall pass at anytime… we have to be aware of whom the other is hall passing with… but that is about the only rule….

If hubby wants to try something new and different or I want to… we just have to let the other one know.. there is nothing wrong with being at different levels or speeds… I just feel strongly that I should not hold him back and he should not hold me back…

The issue of hall passes was something that took some discussion with hubby before one was even offered up… but it was a process that we had to go through and did… with honesty and communication so that we knew what the other felt about this situation… Once hubby was on board with it… then I went ahead with it…

Open and honest communication is essential in all relationships… with your spouse and your partner.. I think the lack of honest communication with your spouse carries over to the lack of communication with your play partner… if you cannot tell your spouse what you want and you claim to love them dearly… then how can you tell your partner the truth…

It is a fundamental skill to be honest with others… but it is also a skill that many do not practice… How can most people do that when so much judgement exists… think about it… if your spouse is a full swapper but won’t let you full swap because they can’t handle the jealous feelings they feel… they are not being honest with you… they are not honest with themselves… and it is likely they do not want to be judged… yet they bring judgement against themselves for being selfish…

Sometimes the truth does hurt… to think that the reason you are not honest with your spouse because they may judge you hurts.. to think you have to be honest with someone and tell them that what they are doing sucks and is unfair may lead to a fight…

It may also lead to an honest relationship where you can discuss the feelings of jealousy, fairness, honesty, openness, and what real marital love means…

It means giving as much as you expect to receive in a relationship and then some…. so if you can fuck every man or woman you want… you should offer your spouse that same thing and then some… without fear of recrimination…

My marriage and my swinging adventure is far from perfect… I am the first to admit that… I share this because I love my husband greatly… he is not perfect…nor am I… but the desire to remain a married couple to each other and on this sexually social adventure requires us to be honest… and at times admit that this particular thing is upsetting, annoying, or you are acting like  an ass…. It isn’t always pretty… but whoever said life is always pretty…

But I have learned that our marriage is stronger… our sexually social adventure more enjoyable because we both want to give to each other all that we can… and we start with one simple rule… we both have to agree…

If I want something he doesn’t want and he says no… we don’t do it… and the same for me… but being who I am… I want to know why he doesn’t want to do this or that…

He has to be honest with me and tell me… there has to be a reason for a yes or no… and it is my job as it is his to find out what that is…

Hubby often laughs at me when I am too honest with others we meet on this adventure… I don’t feel I am too honest.. I believe honesty scares people… it doesn’t scare me… not knowing and getting surprised later on because someone finally shares… that doesn’t scare me.. it just pisses me off…

I will take an assertive role and end it there… I won’t humiliate or play games… However, I do know that you are playing games… and that dries me up faster than a hot wind in the Sahara… and I am not just talking about my pussy… you have cut off all desire from my mind and body… and that is something you cannot really come back from…

Be honest in your adventure… with your spouse and your partners… and honesty doesn’t mean sharing every last horrific event of your life… giving out social security numbers, and every past address you lived at… it means being open to them if they ask you ‘do you wanna?’, ‘do you like this?’, ‘should we go ahead or continue?’

Hope you are honest in your adventure… it will be so much more rewarding…

Sophia

Making the Right Moves….

A few posts ago I spoke of what not to do…. got some interesting feedback…. one person actually said… “Pulling hair is not as severe as pulling a guy’s balls”…..

Let’s just say… most women place as much emphasis on their hair as men do on their package, their balls and their cock….women enjoy a good hair day… makes them feel pretty… guys like their junk to rise when they are supposed to and their balls to be firm and ready to spurt….

Putting a knee on a woman’s hair when she is trying to move is as painful to some women as a knee to the balls is to a man…The initial impact may not be… but the long term headache, snarls, and other crap associated with the hair pulling makes our pain last longer…

Go ahead and try really hard to argue this point with me… I can come up with counter points to every one of your points… You will not win…. ask my hubby… he will tell you… my hair/head is a sensual spot for me… you pulling my hair takes it all away… that is the bottom line… and I am not alone…. many women respond the same way… and it doesn’t matter if it is a head, an arm, or what have you… if you do something that others do not like… you hit a trigger… and that trigger will make it nearly impossible to come back from….

So what can you do that will allow you to make the right moves… no matter if you are male or female with another male or female?

STOP ASSUMING.

I could stop the post right here… but I won’t… WHY? Because you will ASSUME that you know what I am going to say and well, you don’t… not fully…

And yes, that is my ego talking… I have a healthy ego… and I enjoy stroking that ego… thinking I am sharing some great and hidden swinger secrets…

Seriously… ego is not that much of a problem…..it is more if I let you just go about assuming then I won’t have anything to write… and the point of the blog is to SHARE with you all kinds of thoughts rambling in my head…

People who assume things always kill me… I am not sure why people think this is a good thing… it almost never turns out good…. seriously… how many times have you actually assumed something and were correct? 100% correct?

People assume that they know what will make me tick and instead of asking me… as you can tell… I do not have a problem telling people what I think, like, and so on… but they will assume they know me and do what they do with everyone else… and it doesn’t work…

Does it work for you if someone does the same thing to you that they do with everyone else and they do not know if you like it? Let’s say you are a guy and  you like your cock treated a little rough… you know… squeeze hard, yank it even harder…. maybe a little teeth… and the girl you are with is a feather light touch… gentle kisses…. just the tip and no teeth… It ain’t going to work for you… but for her spouse… this is all it takes to get him off….

Or the woman who loves to be beaten on her ass, legs, and back…. she can come from that… but you can’t beat a woman… (BTW, that ain’t me)….

Or maybe you get off beating a woman… and the woman you are with is more sensual and dries up if beaten, bit, or hair pulled….

You may have your favorite things to do… and you may be attracted to someone because of their looks and personality… but just because there is a bit of cock stirring or pussy wetting… doesn’t mean that person likes the same things you do…

SOOOOOO, what should you do to make the right moves….

Besides assuming….

ASK THEM….

And not in the 20 questions type of way….

SKIP THIS: 1. Do you like your hair pulled? 2. Do you like a smack on your ass? 3. Do you like to have your nipples bit off?

See, that is not good…. nothing really good comes out of 20 questions… and here is why…

You are not going to listen to their answers…..

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO THEIR ANSWERS…..

You will just go ahead and decide to do whatever you want anyways… and you will pull the hair, slap the ass, or whatever it is you like to do…and not once consider any of the answer she/he gave…

Try asking questions in a new and interesting way…. you know something like this….

You walk up to a girl at a swinger party that you want to get to know… as in get to know naked… and tonight… you have to work fast but you also have to work smart…

You look at her outfit and see she looks pretty comfortable looking pretty sexy… that little dress is short, revealing, and she is not spending all her time fidgeting… so she is comfortable in the dress, in her body, and at this party…

You introduce yourself…. and skip the damn come on lines… it is a swinger party for pete’s sake and everyone knows that sex is involved… what we do not know is if the person you are talking to is going to have sex with you…. so make the first impression a good one….

“Hi, I am Joe. You look amazing in that dress.” – Pay attention to her response here… this can tell you so much about how you did with those 10 words….

If she blushes, she likes what you said…. she may not believe it right away… or she may just blush naturally…. I do that so I know it is true… the blushing thing…

If she places herself or a body part closer to you… she likes what you said… and she is interested in you…

If she out and out touches you, snuggles up to you, touches your ass, rubs a hand on your cock, or kisses you…. ask her ‘do you wanna?’……just joking…. but if she makes a move to touch or be closer with you… she is interested…

But don’t ask her do you wanna? But don’t miss those clues either….

If she is blushing when you compliment her… you need to take a bit more time… she may not know what she is supposed to do next… she may want you to take the lead… not because she is a sub looking for a domme… but because she wants the guy to take the lead… be a guy and make her feel like a girl….. she may want to fuck you silly, but she wants to have you take the lead…. do NOT fuck up here… you have an opportunity that may or may not allow you to fuck her in a bit… but this is where you can make the difference…

BIGGEST CLUE TO GIVE ABOUT HOW TO GET INTO SOPHIA’S PANTIES…… I love a guy to take the lead… I love a guy to pay attention to me… initiate the touching… the kissing… the flirting… OH, I will not be a pillow princess… but I am a bit old fashion in this manner… I want the guy to be the guy and make the first move…. if you start the first move and I am interested… my hands will wander to your chest, ass, cock… I will take that cock in my mouth… I will take that cock and do many things to it… but make the first move… PLEASE….

Talk to her… Actually have a conversation with her… ask her name, talk about yourself – just a bit – and then end that with an opportunity to carry on the topic but about her… then as the conversation moves along… play with her hair… if she likes to have her hair softly touched and she responds warmly and gets all sexy in her responses… by the soft and romantic actions of her hair touched she is not a hair pulled type of girl…. I have witnessed many girls who had a guy play with her hair softly and romantically tell the guy… “I really like my hair pulled!” Guess you can pick up then that pulling her hair is a good thing…

Mention something about her ‘sex’ parts…. like… love your nipples… they are so hard (make sure they are hard at this time or you will just look stupid)…. and if she says something like… “my nipples are very sensitive” do not assume that sensitive means she wants them clamped, bit, or otherwise twisted off her breast… It may actually mean… they are so sensitive that sometimes I cannot stand to have them touched let alone abused….. However, I have heard woman say… “Love to have them bitten… love nipple clamps…” and other fun statements like that…

What about one’s ass? Me I am an ass girl… love to have my ass played with… on occasion… love to have it smacked… one or two times… but not flogged, caned, or otherwise bruised and beaten… So if you ask me what I like… and I tell you about how my ass is an erogenous zone for me…. you are required to find out what I like…. and not assume you know what I like…

If you are rubbing your hand on my ass and my ass moves in such a way that makes it more open for more contact… that does not mean I want it smacked… it means that the sensual action towards my ass feels good and I like what you are doing…

So you really have to look at the non-verbal clues as well as the verbal clues…

Now, because life is just this way.. you have to also know that the person you are talking too may not be open to the party environment or the swinger environment that everyone else is enjoying… they may not have been on board with anyone coming up to them without their spouse there or if they are okay with not being attached to spouse’s hip… they may have rules about what you can or cannot do or say…. and not let anyone know what those rules are…

Which means you really do have to be careful… you really do have to be aware of the verbal and non-verbal clues…

And that my friend is the whole key… be active in your communication skills… know what you are dong, saying, and to whom you are doing and saying things to… do not assume anything… ask in clever ways… find out what they like… often this is accomplished by telling them what you like…

Let’s say you love to pull hair… and you see a girl with an amazing head of hair… long, curly, soft, and inviting… inviting as in you want to dig your fingers in her hair, grab a bunch, and pull hard… and you are talking to this person…. and you tell her that… and she has a look of panic, her face goes white, or red as in angry, or she starts to back away…. then you know you are not going to get your hands in her hair…. if she is assertive she will say… “I am just not into that”…. but you have an idea that she is not, well… into that… and you have a choice… you can immediately say… “I would never do that to you if you are not into that… but I just love your hair… it is beautiful…” And then watch to see her reaction…. is it open to continue to talk to you or is it still panic stricken…

On the other hand… if she is looking at you with a come hither look… or drooling at the idea of having her hair pulled… well, fuck… go forth and pull her hair while kissing her hard and asking her ‘do you wanna?’

Of course…. I must interject here and tell you to always proceed at your own risk… these are just examples…

Here is a real life example of a man who paid attention to my cues and got it very right… not sure if this is a soft swap situation or not… but he got to third base several times in the bar…

Vanilla bar…. hubby was parking the car after we left the restaurant and headed to the bar… he was buying his wife a drink and himself and asked what I wanted… I told him.. his wife went to get a booth for all 6 of us… he whispers in my ear that he thinks I am quite sexy tonight… then while he was whispering in my ear… he kissed my cheek… I turned my face more towards him and he began to kiss me…. I responded to the kiss… we get our drinks and head to the table… we all 6 talk and flirt.. I head to the bathroom… he was waiting in line  for the men’s room when I get out of the bathroom, he gets my attention and I stop and talk with him… he kisses me again and suddenly his hands are roaming all over my ass and that makes me very horny… I move in tighter against him… His hands are under my dress while kissing me… he is fingering me…. I am humping his leg between my legs…we move to the booth after a few minutes… we are in the booth next to each other… his hand is between my legs… a little bit later I am leaning into his arm and moaning as I am cumming as he finger fucked me in the booth… Of the 6 of us at the table… three knew what was happening… Me, Him, and Hubby….

Sometimes you score big when making the right moves….

Hope you are making the right moves in your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

A Thanksgiving Day Moment of Panic

Our oldest son is home and brought a printer he is not using back with him to switch with me… I have been able to do some pretty challenging computer things over the course of time… and getting some drivers for a printer is something I have gotten pretty good at since my old computer is just that… old… and his is newer and wireless and so on… but our son is pretty computer savvy and offered to hook it up for me…

What a sweetie… love that little guy… not so little as he is nearing 23…

But OMG…after I handed my computer over… I realized for horrible fact… I have a google thumbnail of Kasidie, SLS, Sophia’s Twitter account, and this blog… and they are the first four thumbnails with descriptions that show up… I remember Xing out of the tabs last night before they got home… but hadn’t thought of the thumbnails… because I hadn’t thought of him installing the printer for me…

Then my panic subsided a bit… my laptop is password protected and the boys are such freaks about others knowing passwords… so I relaxed a bit… and then he brought me my computer and it was acting up… couldn’t get google to come up… I feared the boy would say… let me have the computer and I will wait for it to come up… I needed it to come up so I could delete the damn thumbnails…

He needed to look up HP drivers… I was so glad it wasn’t a printer with K, S, or T as the first letter as you would have seen the URL for Kasidie, SLS, Sophia’s Provocative Adventure, or Twitter – Sophia’s account….

Well, all appears to be okay… I may have covered my trail… this time… I need to be careful.. Here is why… if any of our two boys could figure this out… be curious enough to see what the fuck mom is doing looking at these particular sites or even what are these sites about sexually social and swinging… it would be this boy…

I am just not sure I want to have that conversation with my son just yet… OR EVER…. I would admit if asked directly about it… no sense lying when he would just search the blog and IDK notice something familiar in the background of the pictures… but I certainly do not want to volunteer the information at all or have him stumble across a pic of his mother’s nipple… I do believe the last time he saw it he was just a baby during those breast feeding days…

And let’s just say… seeing his father in bike shorts is traumatic enough… but to see a pic of his father’s cock hard or in his mother’s hand and mouth… may just send him into therapy for years… and then to find out his mom plays with girls… fucks strange… yeah… this would be a horrific Thanksgiving…

But luckily all is good and we had a Thanksgiving that was wonderful… the boys are home, the food was good, the conversation lively, the family is together and we all like each other… not bad for parents of two boys 20 and 23….

So while there was a moment of panic… there have been some incredible moments today that make this all so wonderful…

I hope you have a great Thanksgiving… your friends and family around you… sharing the memories of the past while making new ones…

Hope you are enjoying the holiday and your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

Starting Thanksgiving Preparations… and This Is Not What You Think….

This post is not about all that I am Thankful for… so if you thought it was… sorry… it is not that I am not very Thankful… I am… very thankful for a number of things… but most of those things are not things that I will share here… By explaining all that I am thankful for in the whole of my life will give too many details about the vanilla aspects of my family and that is not something I will do on this blog…

But I am starting Thanksgiving preparations… you know the fun things like all the food you can make ahead and still have a great deal of time tomorrow… our menu is diverse in some ways… as we will be having smoked turkey and pork shoulder… cole slaw and stuffing, baked beans and a new kind of green bean casserole, bar-b-q sauce and gravy… funny how those things go…

I was thinking about what to write on today’s blog post and I think I have found the topic…

The topic… WHAT NOT TO DO…..

I thought about writing about some of the things that I have found interesting and compelling and odd and well stupid about the lifestyle… a moment of reflection… or several moments of reflection…. and it came out to be a list of things you should not do…. just in general and in a few cases specific things if you want to… I don’t know… come out ahead in this adventure….

FIRST one is a huge one…. and yes, it appears to be male centered… but ladies… come on… be a bitch and tell your man THE LIMIT…..

Men who drink need to know their limit… when in the lifestyle… do not use alcohol to lower your inhibitions… take the edge off… or otherwise drink to feel relaxed…. drinking too much alcohol causes your cock to ‘lower’… as a matter of fact… it will get so low it has no hope of rising again… alcohol does take the edge off… as in your cock is soft and limp… no hard edge to it… and you need a hard edge to get into that woman’s pussy….. and the idea that you are relaxed when you drink… your cock may relax but you are not relaxed as you ponder the idea of not getting hard and not seeing the alcohol relation to the limpness…. and the night is nothing but unrelaxed for all the others watching you drink more because you are upset you can’t get hard and then… well you know the cycle that starts…. women… you must tell your man when to stop drinking… YOU CANNOT THINK WELL WE WILL BE SOFT SWAP… because you know what… soft swap does not mean sucking a limp dick due to alcohol for hours and having it remain soft…. that isn’t soft swap… that is fucking annoying to everyone involved….TELL YOUR MAN WHEN TO STOP….. before it is too late….

Do not pull someone’s hair… if you do not know they like their hair pulled… stop pulling their hair… better yet… do not begin to pull their hair if you don’t know they like their hair pulled… if they say, “PLEASE STOP, THAT HURTS ME” that usually means… I don’t know… STOP PULLING MY HAIR…. if they say it every single time  you pull their hair… or they move your hand from their hair… please get the hint that when they say stop and move your hand it means…I am really not a fan and you may want to stop pulling my hair….

It leads me to think I have two solutions here… I can cut my hair very, very short and wear a wig so when you pull my hair the wig comes off and won’t that be funny….

Or

I can start grabbing your balls and see how you like them pulled hard, twisted every which way within my fist and not listen to you when you say stop, or scream like a girl…

I know some people like to have their hair pulled… I also know some men do like their balls tortured… but I would never just assume that I could torture your balls without knowing ahead that is something you like… but for whatever reason… men seem to think that pulling my hair is something they can do without finding out if I like it AND I DO NOT LIKE IT…..

I don’t know if it is the because my hair is long… but my hair is long and curly… and not only does it hurt… the snarls you start hurt for a long time while trying to get them out….

So, if we had sex and you pulled my hair and did not listen to me when I said not to do it… I am talking to you right now… we will never have sex again…

If you are reading this and we haven’t had sex yet… but we are going to be meeting up sometime… DO NOT FUCKING PULL MY HAIR.

I am tired of being nice about it… I am seriously going to grab your junk, squeeze hard and begin to twist the shit out of your junk… then I am going to get dressed and leave you screaming like a girl….

I truly am sick of being nice about telling you guys this shit…. stop it… if you can’t ask me if it is okay… then I am not going to ask if it is okay to mutilate your balls…. see if you like it…

Now before you think I am a super BITCH… let me explain… I try very hard to voice my objections in a plain and honest manner. I will not call you names, I will not go immediately to super bitch… but hear me when I talk. I will tell you simply “stop, it hurts.” Three words that means… STOP. IT (whatever you are doing) HURTS…. not a difficult thing to comprehend.

Another reflective topic… asking me if you can ask my husband if you can kiss me…..

Gonna be honest here… these examples all happened in the same night with the same guy… he asked me if he should ask my husband if he could kiss me… but wouldn’t ask me if he could rip the hair from my hair on multiple occasions…

And yes… I am still pissed off about the hair pulling… that fucking hurts and I am so sick of it… but back to this other topic…

Why would you ask someone else if you can kiss me?

I could see, while we are flirting and talking, you lean into me and whisper “I want to kiss you” and then you watch my reaction… If I recoil from you… or start to dry heave… it may mean I do not want to kiss you… but if I have been flirting with you and we are at my home and all that other stuff… and you say I want to kiss you… and I don’t flee… then it appears you can kiss me… If I respond… I want to kiss you too… then I am thinking it is going to be okay…

But I don’t recall this being the 1800s… I am not my husband’s possession.. I am able to think… I am able to determine if I am attracted to someone on my own… I am able to talk… express my feeling verbally and non-verbally… I am able to – because hubby and I SWING – kiss and fuck others without a permission slip from my husband… I don’t have to give hubby a permission slip either… We are rather free about this sexually social adventure… as in free of jealousy, need for control, insecurities, possessiveness….me of him and him of me… but just in case you need one… here you go…

Okay, so maybe there are a bunch of nerves happening and people make some mistakes… OKAY… maybe so… in general.. but really look carefully as the issues at hand…

Over drinking, hurting a person, showing a lack of respect…..

Drinking too much is drinking too much… You are placing the host at risk if something happens while you are drinking too much… what if you have a seizure, pass out and get hurt, get violent, die… if you cannot control your alcohol while swinging… maybe you should rethink one or both of those things…

Repeatedly pulling someone’s hair that does not like to have her hair pulled… in addition to alcohol consumption in excess… real damage can happen… my scalp hurt the next day, then it hurt even more when I tried to deal with the snarls, then I lost a good bit of hair from the whole ordeal…. But what if you did something besides pulling hair… or if you pulled the hair of someone who had a traumatic experience in the past… Seriously folks… while I tried to make this a bit funny, bit sarcastic, even a bit bitchy to get a point across… you have to understand that if you are pulling someone’s hair, lightly choking someone, slapping them on the ass, or whatever your little kink is… and you do not have permission or even mentioned to them that you are going to do that and see what their reaction is… well, it is not going to go over well…. that is my friend DISRESPECTFUL. You are disrespecting me… you are telling me that to find out what I like before you do it is not important to you… not listening to me when I tell you to stop is rude, disrespectful, an asshole move… and to continue to do it… AND YES… I did stop him, tell him to stop, and so on each time. I got up from the position we were in and stopped what we were doing… however, this person has consumed too much alcohol, focused only on the fact that he couldn’t get it up, and well… it was a constant issue of disrespect to me…but if you do this to someone who is not as nice as me… or has a traumatic experience in their past…anything can happen and it can go very ugly very quickly….

And to ignore the person you want to do things with and ask the spouse before you ask the person you want to kiss, fuck, or whatever… well that is the real problem… I agree that you should acknowledge the spouse… but not to the point of ignoring the person actually involved…. I mean really…think about the message you are sending… YOU DON’T MATTER… and I think your spouse is your keeper…. we (all 4 of us) jokingly addressed this issue… but still… ask the person you want to kiss first…. if she/he wants to be kissed….

I have seen this behavior in newbies and in people with years of ‘lifestyle experience’… assholes are assholes regardless of the time in the lifestyle…

And I bet you are thinking I am being mean calling them assholes…

Well, I don’t. When you consider the amount of rudeness shown to me… what else would you call them…

Many people rely on alcohol to get things started on their adventure… May not be the best course to take… if you cannot talk to someone or flirt with someone without getting drunk… well, let’s be serious… it isn’t that much fun to fuck drunk…

Many people like to have sex how they want to have sex or like to have sex with your spouse… well that is all good and well if you are having sex with your spouse… but if you are having sex with someone else… you really should find out what they like before you start pulling hair…. and if you can only get hard if you are being rough – like pulling hair, smacking, biting or choking… then you really owe it to your partner to warn them…

If you do not see these things mentioned here as disrespectful at all… well, you may want to wear a jock strap and a heavy duty cup every time you play….

Hope you are having fun on your sexually social adventure… in a respectful manner of course…

Sophia

Lots of Ideas and No Train of Thought…

So I have lots of ideas and no train of thought today… I am struggling to keep my brain focused on work and well that is a problem since I am really busy today at work… LOL to those who know I work from home… but damn it all… it is 1:30 in the afternoon and this is the first chance I had to think about let alone write anything with this blog… I have so many ideas… so many drafts in my draft folder… but not enough brain power or creativity to finish them off…

Speaking of finishing them off….

And yes, it will be one of those blog posts… my brain is scattered and crazy and it has something to do with the fun and incredible weekend we had… but damn.. Monday morning came to damn early… could be because we went to bed a few hours on Monday morning before we had to get up on a Monday morning. But would we have done anything differently? Nope, not a damn thing…

Well, excuse me… I lied… I would have taken a nap on Saturday to prepare for Saturday night/Sunday morning and then nap again on Sunday morning… I would have done the grocery shopping on Saturday while hubby was messing around on the computer so I could have a nap on Sunday…

Because my butt was dragging as I was driving to the restaurant to meet the couple Sunday night for dinner…

THANK GOODNESS it was not a damn first date….

Don’t you just hate having to be ON for a first date… To be even more sparkling than you are… to make sure they remember/want/need to fuck you…. LOL only on this adventure can you say those things and it be normal….

Sunday night we were spending some time with a couple that a friendship and sex was developing… well hell, remember that post I wrote about the cabin/party/breakfast bar… yeah it was the guy at the breakfast bar… So much fun… he is so much fun… in bed and out… specially when you think of the scene at the breakfast bar… that was out of bed… but when I talk about out of bed… I guess I should clarify that it is in non-sexual situations…

I met them last Wednesday for some vanilla ‘organized’ dancing at the local VFW…. Did I mention it was vanilla… I swear to all that is good… I was hit on by one of the DJs…. Several times.. he kissed my head several times, hugged me hard… (BOOB SQUEEZING HUGS), smiled and flirted like crazy. Then there was another gentleman who danced with me and my lack of organized dancing abilities like 4 times… and each time we were done dancing he hugged me longer and harder… Guess I should state that I was not wearing a bra, but was wearing a tank and a top buttoned but sheer over the tank… So I am sure that they enjoyed the feeling of the lack of padding there… and then the one guy who really knew how to flirt… and he was a lot of fun and made no bones about telling me that he would try to keep looking me in the eyes rather than elsewhere…

So this couple I have a very vanilla time with them… well until they both tried to teach me to do this one dance and there were bodies pressed up against each other… breasts touching… pants tightening… panties getting wet…

Umm where in the world was this going…

Oh by the way… it is this particular Mrs’ birthday… Happy Birthday Sweetie… hope you have lots of fun today….

Yes, Sunday we had dinner with them and it was easy peasy to do… we have already had our ‘new’ chatting (in person) and we had already played to a variety of degrees… we had a sexy vanilla event and now we are having this incredible night eating dinner and going to their house…

OH MY… It was fun and hot and sexy… and that was before we got undressed….

Have you ever wondered why people rush through the swinging/sexually social thing? Can you be sexual and social at the same time and not rush through all this stuff… you know spend a couple hours hanging out on the bed before,during, and after the sex stuff being naked, talking, touching, recovering and going at it again…and again… and…..

The night was a blast… and it had a flow that was easy and relaxed but sexually charged… it was fun how it all happened.. and fun is not just ‘how fun was it?’ but fun because it wasn’t rushed or rehearsed… I remember the end of round two with her hubby and I moved down between her legs… and the guys moved to her breasts and her mouth… and well.. there were multiple events happening and at some point and time I needed to stop and wipe my chin… that is a good thing for sure…

Well, this is not what I had planned to talk about… but like I said, this is a different sort of day for me… I got a few ideas running through my head and no train of thought I can follow… but tomorrow night… I am going dancing with this couple…. and that thought… seems to get my panties all wet… my pussy filling with want… and a need that I don’t think my little rabbit can conquer….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

Banging Around the Topic of Gang Bangs…..

Gang bangs… wow that word can really incite a riot… and in the lifestyle when one mentions gang bangs this is not a dark secluded alley where the unsuspecting woman is forced to have sex (RAPE) with people she does not know and has not consented to have sex. Let’s just remind ourselves, gang bang is not the same as a gang rape… In the lifestyle, the gang bang is a choice of the woman to proceed with and enjoy as her partner (if married) or the person coordinating the gang bang is there with her…

Now in that last sentence there were a lot of conditions… and let’s talk about those for a minute…

1. A woman either has to plan her gang bang herself or have someone else plan her gang bang… despite what some women and men wish… a gang bang doesn’t just happen because someone closed their eyes, nodded their head and a gang bang appeared. There is a considerable amount of work involved in planning a gang bang. There are in fact gang bang clubs that will organize and VET the participants of the gang bang… the woman included. They like to make sure that the woman knows what to expect at a gang bang, has control at the gang bang, and has a say in who comes to the gang bang….

2. If the woman is married… often the husband has a significant role in the planning and oversight of the gang bang. Some husbands will take pictures, monitor the situation, and/or jump in the mix and play with the group….

3. All members of this gang bang are aware of the situation, knows the woman has control, and will act only in the manner the woman has said she wants…. this means… if she wants to have a sweet and sensual gang bang with 3-5 men… then that is what the men agree to… if she wants a rough, no holds barred…fuck her until she is unable to fuck anymore… then that is what they agree too…

The woman calls the shots… Period.

To say that a gang bang is degrading to woman is to say that any consensual sex a woman has is degrading to her. If the woman loves to have sex with her husband only that is her preference. If she wishes to have a boyfriend and a husband that is her preference. If she likes to fuck strange or two or more men at a time that is her preference. And to have sex with a handful or more of men at one time is her desire… then there is nothing wrong with that anymore than just having sex with her husband… it is wrong to judge what is degrading to someone else based on your own perspective.

We were at a house party a few weekends ago and there were four men present… and to fuck all four men with their wives present would be no different than a gang bang… with the exception of the environment being different from the gang bang… but the number of men one has sex with is in line with a gang bang… so how is that different? For many.. not different at all.. some may find that acceptable, some may not… but it matters not what others think except for what you think… and what those you are with and having sex with agree with… if they don’t agree… they don’t have to participate…

The same goes for the thrill of a gang bang… if you are not into it… don’t do one… but to condemn someone else for wanting a gang bang because you feel they are degrading to women means you do not have the whole story… women who choose to participate in a gang bang do so because this is a thrill for them.. this is something they desire and they go into with an understand that multiple men will be there with hard and ready cocks and you know what… there is nothing wrong with a woman getting excited about that…

It does come down to doing what you want with whom you want… and it also includes the fact that you have to be able to say you aren’t interested in something nicely… being an ass is just wrong. when sharing your opinion… and there is nothing sexy about someone who pushes their ‘rules’ on others… or their opinions or their attitudes…

On one site we are on.. in the forums… there is a thread where someone was kinda off on their opinions of gang bangs.. rather rude… but no matter how rude that person was… all the other responses attacking this poster was even worse… even the ones that appeared tame by talking about popcorn… seriously… how passive/aggressive can you really be… it is just as bad as the aggressive attacks.. I mean names were being called… and I lost respect for many who posted and in some cases…even more respect…

This is a difficult adventure to be on for many people… there are so many things that are not shown in the light of day that have no reason to be hidden… but sometimes you just have to wonder why people also on this same adventure have to be so rude to others.. makes no sense to me… none whatsoever….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

A Few Questions…

This blog will be a bit different as I am going to ask and answer a few of the most common questions… yes, I am going to do it both myself… a little weird to say it… but come on… every person who writes a blog, column or whatever will write the questions asked and answer them… so, yeah, my brain is working that way right now… but these are questions that many have asked me before..so, why not…

  • Will full swappers play with soft swappers? 
    • It depends… on the individual or couple…some are great and some are assholes..depends on which you come across.
  • Why do some people look for a couple and their male half doesn’t play? 
    • Good question.. if you are a couple where both play and you come across a couple where only one part plays… then expect a threesome and an audience… if you and your spouse are soft swap or if you are looking for a FMF… or FFM… this may be your answer instead of looking for a unicorn… as you know those are very hard to come by… 
  • When at a party, do people actually have sex? 
    • Yes and no..never a simple answer when asking about swinging… some parties are just get together and drink and talk and maybe kiss or show a bit-o-boob… some are fuck and suck parties as in… you can fuck or suck anyone you want… or not but watch… or you can do someone but your spouse doesn’t have too… or you…. well surely you get the drift… anything goes… it really depends on the party hosts… if they talk about play rooms, condoms, or naked by nine… that means playing is an option….
  • If you are at a party and you want to play with just a certain person do you have to have sex with others? 
    • Never… even if you are in a puppy pile, you do not have to have sex with everyone in the pile… 
  • What is a puppy pile? 
    • It is similar to an orgy… some call an orgy a puppy pile… but often a puppy pile is when two couples hang out on the same bed and anything or anything within your boundaries goes… Personally, I love puppy piles… but only if the female is actually bi… puppy piles can have any number of folks involved… 
  • What does ‘actually bi’ mean?
    • The bi person actually gives and receives rather equally…. there are other variations of bi, but they really need to be explained before play starts or someone is going to be hurt (feelings) that their wishes were not respected… 
  • What does respect mean in the lifestyle to you?
    • Ah this is a tough one as for me, respect is often demanded but not often given… If you want me to respect you, you have to deserve my respect. Demanding that someone respects you when their actions are not disrespectful makes it difficult for others to have respect for you. Just because you have all kinds of rules and beliefs of what respect is doesn’t mean that others will know what those rules are… and the rules are a bit crazy, then how on earth would they know them before they ‘violated’ them. Normal rules of respect seem more appropriate. Talk to me and ask me before you touch me…. talk to me and if my spouse is next to me… talk to him as well. Do not lie to me… be honest… oddly enough, many cannot do that… much like we learned in Kindergarten… oddly enough this doesn’t change just because we are swingers… just because you want to add all kinds of rules… someone NOT shaving their pubic hairs is not disrespectful to you…. and before you say it is your preference… consider you pushing your preferences on someone else is disrespectful…. so watch it… 
  • Are you ever jealous when your husband is with another woman? 
    • Overall my answer is No. However, I do get pissed when hubby is fucking a woman and their husband is an asshole and didn’t bother to tell me that he wouldn’t get it up short of an act of God. So to me, that may come off as jealousy but it isn’t. We were manipulated and lied to and that is NOT GOOD.  And it is not Jealousy… Like really, I am jealous of a limp dick when hubby can get hard all the time…. BUT….Hubby better pay attention and realize what the fuck is not happening on my end and finish me off… the lying couple doesn’t deserve him making sure the lying wife is getting it good… the first time that happened… I may have appeared pissed… the second time, hubby stepped up and finished me off in a spectacular fashion… and well… again it isn’t jealousy… I do not get jealous of hubby with another woman. IT TURNS ME ON! I also do not get jealous of hubby because that means that I will have to limit what I get to do or who I get to do. I am too selfish to put that limitation on myself to put it on him because of jealousy. On a more serious note… I told hubby that we had to be able to do this jealousy free… if one of us is jealous then we will not do this… I am not a possessive person. I do not own him. We are not cheating on each other. We chose to meet with others and fuck them. Jealousy doesn’t seem to fit in there at all. NOT AT ALL… and despite that fact that watching hubby making his moves with another woman turns me on… I am not the type that has to watch him while he is making his moves or fucking the other woman. He can be out of my sight and it still turns me on… not jealous.
  • How hard lined are you on your preferences?
    • Not hard at all. Seriously. I prefer non-smokers. I have kissed and fucked smokers. I prefer guys with hair on their head and have been with bald men and had lots of fun. I have no particular TYPE of guy and have lots of fun with all types of men…. same with hubby…. we enjoy the person we are with not a type or preference…. there are some that look iffy on paper and a lot of fun in person… and those who look fun on paper are boring as shit in real life… so no hard lines on my preferences… but believe me… I do know that anything can happen… and sometimes a ‘perfect’ prospect does something ‘horrific’ when we meet and they cause their own demise…. LOL… 
  • How important is friendships to you? Do they mean more than the sex?
    • That is a tough one… I have had people who wanted to be friends or so they said and then we had sex and they only wanted to have sex. I am okay with once and done… just be honest about it… I am okay with being friends… but I do not need to be friends with someone I fuck before or after. However, we do seem to have a lot of fun and have a number of people that I consider friends… but the real friends are fewer than one would believe… and that is because REAL friends are well… real… you do more than just fuck and talk at parties. 
  • Do you like men to cum on your face? 
    • NO.
  • Where do you like me to cum? 
    • Well call me old fashion… but in the usual holes… mouth, puss… and well.. you get the picture… in the swinging world… where condoms are used… I am not the girl to cover with cum… maybe once in a while on my breasts… but let’s get real…I am really not interested in having cum all over my body because you didn’t want to wear a condom… if you are unwilling to consider licking your cum off my body… then find a better way to taking care of your load…. kinda crass I know… but come on… have you ever tried to get cum out of your hair or find all the places it spread too before it dries and you are peeling off a layer of cum while still at a party? Or having to take a shower and NOT look like you are a fucking drowned rat…. 
  • Condoms, disease, and other germs…what do you think about all that?
    • With everything you do in life… like living… there are risks… if you choose not to wear a condom you put yourself at risk… you are believing what the other person says about their ‘health’ is true… even if a condom is used all the time… disease can happen…. and then  you have the oral sex portion of it and believe me this is a conversation you need to have with your partner and make sure you are on the same page and have accurate information. Even if you do everything right, you can get exposed to some nasty shit… life is full of risks… and sometimes that includes flu, mono, strep…. and the common cold… if you are going to swing..be aware of the risk… man or woman up and accept responsibility for the risks… don’t whine about the risks if you are not willing to accept the risk… and if you don’t feel comfortable… get the fuck out! Not to be mean… but you will need to do what you are most comfortable with and if you are going around and talk about how you are fearful of getting something… people aren’t going to want to be around you… because you basically called them a diseased ridden individual. So that is my thought on the subject…. 
  • What is your favorite position?
    • I love getting fucked from behind and I love anal… so I have a few favorite positions… and I found that sometimes my favorite position is the one I never tried before… lots of fun to be had if you are willing to be open to the possibilities…
Well, if I don’t stop and get this posted….
Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…. and if you have any questions… just ask… 
Sophia

So Much Fun… And So Not What Your Profile Said….

Yesterday I was invited to go dancing with a couple that we met at a house party a few weeks ago… this couple is a lot of fun… and not just in the ‘we’re having sex sorta way’. We went vanilla dancing… and yet, there was something that was rather hot about this… and that dance lesson I got… OMG… how fun… BUT…  Even when just talking with them… they are a lot of fun… the Mrs and I have had nearly constant communication since the house party and not as in all day long every day… but communicating daily, even if just hey, how was your day type of thing… it is the epitome of the ‘friends in and out of the bedroom’ and the ‘four way connection’.

And you know what… before the party, hadn’t looked at their profile… had no idea who they were. Had no idea they existed…. not because of anything they did or didn’t do… I just do not go perving profiles usually. I have recently as I am planning a house party and wanted to see if there were some folks that I would want to invite to the party… but usually I do not perv profiles… and here is why…

Most profiles say the same thing… and most are not current as in describing what they are really like right now… so, I don’t perv profiles that often… when people contact us, I will look at their profile, skim over what they write… and then keep an open mind as to what they will be like when I meet them at a party or if we do the damn first date thing… in other words, forget what their profile said….

Now, I am not opposed completely to the damn first date thing… but I do get so tired of the awkwardness of the first dates… sitting at table and trying to come up with conversations if the other couple is not very talkative…

I can talk to a brick wall and get a response… but it doesn’t mean I want to talk to a brick wall and wait for a response… that is boring… so I would rather do the house party to get to know people… small or large… it is just easier as the pressure is off…

So, we met this couple at the house party and we all four hit it off very well… and you know what, that is the very reason that I LOVE house parties… I know what they are like because they are living it as I find it out…

If I read their profile… we would not have contacted them because they don’t fit our profile preferences… because those are so arbitrary… I don’t like to inhale cigarette smoke first hand or second hand… so we put no smokers… hubby doesn’t really like to suck on a nipple that tastes like an ashtray… he is funny like that…

We have played with smokers before… some we couldn’t tell they were smokers…and others.. YUCK…

But at a house party… we can tell rather quickly if they are the type of smoker that tastes like a smoker or not… and if we kiss them and feel like we have licked the ashtray, we can move on…

Easy peasy right…

This couple is a soft swap couple… we are a full swap couple… there is a big difference there… mainly what you do to finish off the fun….

However, we have played with soft swappers before and had a great deal of fun… we have also played with full swappers that were not so much fun…. and we tried to play with full swappers but they didn’t have their act together… she couldn’t deal with the jealousy and he couldn’t get it up…. so it was like a epic fail rather than a full or soft swap…

As you can tell, there are a few things that would have kept us from contacting them and from what I found out… them contacting us…

But when we met at this house party… we all hit it off… it was amazing in the amount of fun we had and our profiles showed us as highly incompatible…

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that hubby and I are rather flexible in our preferences… even though we do not and have not changed our preferences for smokers or soft swap… we are still rather flexible… and I think that our stated preferences does weed out those who cannot handle someone as ‘wild’ as we can be… and you know what… that is okay.. we do not have to be a match to everyone we meet… and we do reserve the right to chose no soft swappers and no smokers…

We have met a number of people at parties and gone home and looked at their profiles and thought WTF…. they say they don’t do what we did with them last night…. and laughed… those damn profiles… it is almost impossible to keep them updated… I mean… sometimes you meet someone who you just have to be with and do that with and you never thought you would do that before…or again.. but damn that was fun… but if you go solely based on the profile as your guide to whom to contact… you will meet few people whom  you really connect with…

Well, at least that is what I have found… we have tried to meet people whose profiles are very similar to the ‘way we swing’ only to find out that they wrote a profile that is not them… at all… we have also found out that certain sentences are clues that they are not as wide open as they claim…

I am so happy we met this couple… I am so happy that all of us get along so well… and I am so happy we got to play… and can’t wait for more play times…. and it is not based on their profile or ours….

Hope your sexually social adventure is better than your profile indicates…

Sophia

Not Sure… But Whatever….

So, what on earth am I writing about today… I am not sure…but whatever comes up… in my little old head…will make it on here… Hopefully it will be good…. but not promising things…

I am preparing for a house party… we have a number of house parties under our belt to use as a guide… some good, some bad…. and well some were awesome… there is a little bit of skill, a little bit of luck, and a little bit of having people who are willing to fuck and suck… the problem is you don’t know if the folks you are inviting are those type of people… unless you only invite those who you know are that way… but that doesn’t mean that the night of the party they will be that way… yep, that can be a challenge… so what do you do…. besides hope for the best…. I am not sure… I am hoping like crazy we do something right at the party and the guests all feel comfortable at our place no matter what they end up doing…

You may wonder if I am going around making all kinds of lists, driving myself crazy with the planning….

Well, I am not… I haven’t really been too worked up… every once in a while I come up with something to ask hubby about discuss with him…and so on… but not really obsessed with it at this point and time.. still have time… three weekends away… but I do have a pretty good idea of how it is going to go in my head… thank goodness I have some party planning experience and more than just kid birthday parties I can fall back on… big events.. surely this can’t be that hard.. seems like a bit of common sense, little planning, a little approachable-ness, a little hospitality… I am getting quite excited by this opportunity… and not just the sex.. I love to have people over and I love to be able to entertain them… this seems like a fun opportunity for me… I may just be in my element…

Another topic that is kinda fun… on a team call with work.. it is virtual team.. and OMG… some of the others on the call mention the word penis… and they acted so embarrassed. Saying the WORD penis… caused them to blush and giggle… so me in my most ornery self.. mentioned the word penis a lot… yes.. immature and on a work call… but it was funny… if they only knew what all I do… and the word penis causes them to blush…

Another person I was talking to today said that I was on the cusp of pisces and aries due to my birthday… and that go me looking at something quite interesting…

So I am reading this and I swear to all that is good.. I have a lot more traits than the pisces traits… and many have a lot to do with the ‘other’ side of me… it is very interesting… my friend may have to do that thing she said she was going to do… it may be very interesting…

So what all does this have to do with anything… well, let’s see if I can bring it all together…

I am a person who likes to meet people and welcome people…so having a party as I mentioned earlier is a very natural part of me… always has been, even as a child…  there is a part of me that is not like other parts…the sexually social part… so having a party where sex is involved seems very normal to me… and I am comfortable with this part of me… but many people swinging are not comfortable.. and this is an opportunity for me to make them feel comfortable….

There has always been this side of me.. but it was never let out… until recently. And then it was released and then I seem to have found myself.. but today I am sitting here thinking… do I really know myself. I have more character traits that I identify with as an Aries rather than a Pisces… but I am technically a Pisces… so have I always have the swinger side of me.. did I always like the chase and the thrill of meeting someone and having sex with them… and just didn’t know I was on the cusp….

Stick with me here.. I will try to make this make some sense…

On the conference call, I had to hide a side of myself because despite the jokes about penises and vaginas… and the embarrassment the others had talking about it… it was funny but also a bit odd… that talking about the body and sexuality is such a difficult topic for people… even for swingers. When a person is okay with and actually comfortable with their bodies and sexuality… they have to temper their talk because others are not able to tolerate it. It is okay on some levels as there are times when it is not appropriate, but there is still a sometimes when the topic is appropriate… and the embarrassment of the topic or saying a single word… penis… would start everyone giggling… I could have talked about all kinds of things that would make them blush and me, not even have a catch in my throat… I can talk about sex and sexuality and it is no problem… and I think that is because I know that there are some things you can talk about and not have a reason to be embarrassed… sex is nothing to be ashamed of.. despite the people who fear that they will be treated poorly because they like sex… and when I say talk about sex and sexuality.. I am not meaning vulgar talk but I am talking about just admitting you have sex and you like sex or the word penis without blushing…

It wasn’t just a work situation.. we were at a picnic for a local mountain bike group. Some of the people there were hinting at sex… it was funny… they would mention in a very shy manner a hint towards sex… but could not mention sex… the story was about them having sex when their child was home or came home… and they really did whisper the word sex when they needed to say the word… but they did not say the word if they could help it….

Then I find out that I may be more Aries than Pisces and it intrigued me… not that I am really into the whole subject of it.. but the fact that people can grow up thinking one thing about themselves and then suddenly find out there is something more in line with who they are… and the conversation was odd in how it came about and yet it made more sense than most conversations I had with others about my ‘personality’ and/or who I am…

So we go back to the people who can’t talk about sex and sexuality and say penis without blushing and you wonder… were they told they were a certain way and then they never ventured outside of that mode of how they are or expected to be… are they really comfortable with this manner of living… being embarrassed by sex… are they comfortable with their sexuality… was or has sex ever been fun for them?

Made me think about the fact that many swingers cannot follow the rules of society – such as they are – where you can only have sex with your spouse… and be normal… And then within the world of swinging there are many who have different ways of swinging.. and then there are the manner in which they deal with the emotional aspects of what they do… how much of this is based on what others tell them it is to be rather than how they really feel it is for them….

It is an amazing concept to think about… how a person truly does not know everything about themselves despite having many opportunities to do so… and even when they figure they know something about themselves they cannot fully grasp how they will evolve in the next few months or years…

It is a bit crazy this blog post… it is all over the place but at the same time the post really reflects how my mind works… I can see nothing in the beginning as to where this will go… but these individual thoughts seem to float around and weave themselves together to make sense to me…and maybe only me…

Recently I have been contemplating a number of things about my life.. not the swinging aspect alone… but many things in my life as to see how the changes evolved and made me the person I am today but finding out it is not much different in how I was before but more aware of who I am…

I read this over and I understand what I am trying to say.. I have no idea if it getting out there in any understandable way… but I am hoping…

The point I am hoping to make… is the path one takes to understanding ones own self is never ending… and often what you find out about yourself is largely dependent on how open you are to learning. How open you are to exploring ideas outside your norm…. and how honest you can be with what you are or who you are….

Hope you are comfortable with your sexually social adventure…

Sophia