Monthly Archives: January 2015

Those Who Chase and Those Who Capture…. Part 3

On the last post Part 2 I left off with this statement…. 

What is even more interesting… and this is a kicker folks… a huge need to see done in order to have success at the chase, the capture or the chase leading to the capture….. and that is to realize how they act before the sex act is a great indicator of how they will be while having sex….

On this part, it isn’t the chase or capture… but how they respond to others…

Have you wondered where I was going with this…. I bet if you think real hard… you can see the path this is going down… but if you thought I was going to say those who build the chase will be better lovers than those who just do the capture at the time of the meet… well, you would be wrong… 

Not what I was getting at all… 

It is not the chase, the capture, the love languages you share or don’t share that will allows you to realize how they act before sex as an indicator of how they will be while having sex…. it is how aware the person is of you and by extension – the others in your group. 

Yep, there you have it… for a great four way connection, two way connection, chase, capture, or speaking in love languages, physical attraction, emotional connection and every thing else that you need to swing… it all comes down to how aware the person is of you and by extension – the others in your group. 

I have said before that I am pretty good at getting to know a person, what they are like, their behaviors, insecurities, and so on and so forth. I am not the only one who can do this…. as a matter of fact… many CAN do this but rarely do because it does take time…. 

It takes time because if you realize what a person is like, you have to then realize what this means to you once you know…. 

On chat, forums, and personal communication with others I have expressed I am not into BDSM. I have mentioned numerous times that I zone out on the conversations on chat about this area of sexuality because it does not mean squat to me… doesn’t turn me on because most of the folks I talk to are men and they seem to think that I am the type of girl that loves to be a submissive… 

I am not. 

I have said this so many times and certain people just do not listen. They do not hear what I am saying… and because they do not listen to me… there is no chase, there is no capture… there is nothing between us that would lead to the eventual swinging encounter…. Hell, if I am honest… they lost my respect… they do not hear what I am saying therefore they keep telling me I do not matter… not really to them…. 

So using the chat example… if someone asks me if I like being tied up and I say no… then the responsible action would be to NOT try to talk me into it… but instead find out what I do like… 

By finding out what I do like begins the chase… opens it up to a capture… 

Back to the four way dinner with Simon, Susan, Cowboy and I…. let’s put this into perspective… 

We know our own spouses… Simon knows me – Cowboy knows Susan…. I know Simon and Susan knows Cowboy…. so we all know our spouses love languages, preference on chase/capture… and other personality issues/quirks/traits/etc…. and we enter into this dinner with that knowledge in mind… 

But we have to do more than keep it in mind… we also have to consider what we will be doing with this information we have…. 

Just because you have knowledge of something doesn’t guarantee that the knowledge carries over to behavior…. 

We have to actually – consciously decide to take that knowledge and do something with it… and it should be something beneficial. 

For example – my love language is words of affirmation. My husband knows this is my love language and has for nearly as long as we have been married… All I have to do is remind him of our first arguments that we had where he SAID something that hurt… My husband knows that one of the things I love most about swinging is the communication with others… the flirting, the talking, the build up before the sex…. well almost as much as the sex…. but he KNOWS words are my thing… so he has to KNOW he NEEDS to TAKE CARE with WORDS…. If he wants to build my interest in him… he has to use words… 

But on the same token… I know his love language is not words…. it is quality time…. I know that if I want him to spend time talking to me… he has to feel he has my attention… quality time… 

If he has said something that hurt me…. because he didn’t think what he SAID would hurt me… but I expressed it did hurt me… he doesn’t say the right words to fix it…. 

Nope – he will want to spend quality time with me as if the words did not happen….

Unfortunately, I cannot spend time with him when he has said something and then more somethings that continue to add to the hurt… 

At some point and time there has to be a middle ground…  I have to support his love languages and he has to support my love languages… a cause and effect…. 

The same happens with the dinner dates… you and your hubby may know each other and how to adapt to the other person… but does the other couple? 

Cowboy and Susan do understand in REAL LIFE how the other person is… are aware of their love languages… so this is not their personal example… not that you guys know who this couple is… but that is not the point… .this is illustration…. 

Let’s say Cowboy and Susan don’t realize how they are different in this adventure… Cowboy knows he loves the chase but he doesn’t really know or care what Susan’s preference is on this topic… and oddly enough… even when the spouse’s claim they do know their spouse so very well… in regards to what they want from swinging… they don’t… hubby and I had a recently belly laugh many times when someone told us that her husband is only in this adventure to see her with other women. He is not interested in being with women… so when he left her in the main room of a party to fuck me in a bedroom where we were the only ones in there… or when he went to fuck another woman at that same party – again in a separate room without wife… or when he made it very clear he wanted to fuck me as often as possible and made a point at another party to ensure all know that he is full swap even if his wife isn’t… and he can fuck any woman he wants…. yeah… sometimes spouses don’t really know their spouse very well… 

But Cowboy is all about the chase and Susan only is interested in the capture… Susan is quality time and needs to have people focus their attention on her… not the attention whore type… but she can’t connect if there isn’t an in person focus between her and the other person (see how I wrote between her and the other person not all the focus on her)…. 

Often in these cases we find a little tension building between the other couple… she is uncomfortable because he is being himself and chatting away while she is sitting there hoping someone will notice… now if Simon is the same way as Susan… they are not going to break out and start talking… so someone has to stop and realize what is going on and how to stop it… and it is not just Cowboy and me that is responsible to do this… 

Susan and/or Simon should state nicely… something along the lines of “I want to get to know you a bit better” and let it out that he/she needs to connect for anything to happen… 

If this is done it sets the tone that all are to be included in this incredible chase/capture game we like to play….  and we do like to play it… we just want to play it on our own terms and not really remember there are others involved in all this… 

We can blame it on human nature… but since we know it is human nature to be this way.. shouldn’t we do something or everything we can to not be this way if it is detrimental to our well being? I mean if you want to have a fun swinging adventure… not being selfish is probably a good thing… but if you are in a life or death situation where being selfish can save your life… such as grabbing the air mask on the plane before worrying about your seat mate having theirs first… 

The chase and the capture…. continues….. 

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…. 

Sophia

Those Who Chase and Those Who Capture…. Part 2

Where I last left off…. the last post…. Those Who Chase and Those Who Capture…. The names used in the previous post… Simon, Susan, Cowboy and I… And I guess I must remind you all Cowboy and Susan live many, many states away… we have not met…. we may never meet… this is just an example and it is in no way an indicator that this has happened with Cowboy, Susan, Simon, or I…. together or individually… this is solely an example, for illustrative purposes only….

Ah, what do I mean by secure?

When there are at least two people in a 4 person situation who love the chase and have built up that chase…. you spend a lot of time wanting each other… if Cowboy and I were at the dinner table with Simon and Susan and we ignored them and their love languages… what often happens to others will happen here… you will find the unevenness of connection a barrier between Simon and Susan and Cowboy and I….

Every single thing that Cowboy and I do could irritate the crap out of the other two. If there is any insecurity in them at all it will start to come out. Depending on how good the person is at keeping their insecurities at bay… this could go fair to good… but you and I know that most of the time the insecurities and jealousies take over…. it is inevitable. People are prone to think of themselves first. Every time Cowboy leans over and touches my arm, puts his hand on my thigh, or touches my hair can piss of Susan and Simon as they may see it not as how swinging is supposed to go… but as a way of saying how little they matter….

Think about it this way… Simon starts to feel a bit out of sorts like he is there by himself… so he will withdraw into himself and then he build up a bit of —- I don’t know—- resentment… and all the while Susan is doing this same thing… so now Simon and Susan are feeling left out of the group… the four way connection is no longer there.

In a ‘perfect’ swinger world… Simon and Susan should be focused on getting to know each other better and building their own attraction or the instant chase as it were… but because they were instantly ignored… they cannot focus on their ‘role’ in all this… they only focus on the pain of what they were left out of at this time.

Where does the blame lay?

To be honest, on all four people.

Cowboy and I know we hit it off… and it is natural to continue that when one gets together. We connected over words. We connected over a shared love language… (remember, you know that love languages in the swinger context is not about the ‘deep long-lasting love between spouses’ it is the manner in which we feel love, desire, connection in our entire life, not just in the swinging or married manner….

Cowboy and I need to understand that we are not the only people in this group…. Regardless of the love language we share… it is rude to ignore others…. we are at fault for our portion of the situation as it is…

But so are Simon and Susan. See, Simon and Susan should be aware of the others in the group as well. If Susan knows that her husband loves, loves, loves the chase… is it fair for her to be upset when he is in the middle of the chase? The same question is fair for Simon. Can you really be upset because you know your wife enjoys the chase and communication with others? To get upset that Cowboy and I were acting as we do every day of our lives is on them. It is irrational to do so, to be upset that their love language is not yours….

It is at this point that most of the connections go awry. People are at their very nature self-centered. When I am having a lot of fun flirting with someone, my attention is on how it makes me feel being with that person. I do not look at how much fun hubby is or isn’t happening…. UNLESS I make an effort to consider others.

I do make attempts to include those who do not get into the chase to be a part of the group. I start conversations with them to get them to open up. I also shut the fuck up so they can talk. I will make attempts to include them in the group….

I am a very observant person. I can pick up on ‘clues’ of what a person is like. I can determine the personality type of a person and identify insecurities and jealousies, areas of disappointment, and when they need encouragement… I am a people person. I can get most people to open up. I can spot a passive/aggressive person right away… I can identify what it is about the situation that is putting them on guard… I know it is hard to believe, but most of us are not as good at hiding the ‘ugly’ sides of our personalities as we think… If you pay attention to a person you can find out a lot about them and if you want to get to know the person.

Often hubby and I can see a couple and have a very different opinion about the male and female half. He often does not see the same things I see in the person. At least not right away. I don’t always tell him my opinion of them right away… sometimes I keep it quiet because they are so fucked up… I find them interesting to observe….

But as human’s do… we let out little clues of what we are like and when we do this…. it makes us aware of the other person and at this time we can adapt, try to change them, or ignore them…. most of the time when we ignore them it is to be more focused on what we want rather than just to simply ignore their behaviors… in fact when we do this we cause their negative behaviors to increase…

You have to be aware of the other people you are with…

But you also have to be willing to adapt to their styles as they must be able to do with yours…

It has to be a 4 way willingness to connect despite your different styles of doing things… or your different love languages.

It would be interesting to know how many of us are willing to do this… give others a chance to adapt while you are adapting…

What is even more interesting… and this is a kicker folks… a huge need to see done in order to have success at the chase, the capture or the chase leading to the capture….. and that is to realize how they act before the sex act is a great indicator of how they will be while having sex….

On this part, it isn’t the chase or capture… but how they respond to others…

You know, I think I am going to stop here for today… till next time sweeties…

Hope you are enjoying this little chase I am putting your through….

Sophia

Those Who Chase and Those Who Capture…. Part 1

First… we had an awesome party on Saturday… OMG it was so good. We had an awesome group of folks who came and it was so much fun…. Best party ever! Okay, so it was our second party… but if they keep getting better, I can’t wait to see what it will be like in a few months… All the guests hit it off… I mean everyone was talking with everyone else… and that was so much fun to watch… their wasn’t anyone who was left in a corner by themselves….

There were some who play and some who didn’t, but all those who didn’t play felt just as comfortable not playing… and that is what we wanted for our parties… to be a place you can come and hang out with no expectations to play….

We were very happy with the outcome of the party and thank each person who came…

But the topic of the day… those who chase and those who capture….

Well, yesterday I was talking via text with my ‘cowboy’ and we were talking about the chase and the capture in such a way that is comes up when about to meet another couple or hosting a party or attending a party…

The mere fact that my cowboy and I communicate via chat and text tells you we like the chase… we like the communication, the connection, the learning about each other and increasing the ‘need’ for each other….

My hubby isn’t like that at all…..

His wife isn’t like that at all….

Now, my cowboy lives very far away and the chances of us actually meeting in person is very slim…. but consider this scenario…. and in order for this scenario to make sense, you have to assume certain facts…. like – my hubby and his wife are physically attracted to each other – or we would NOT be meeting with them… since they do not build ’emotional’ connections with each other or build the chase through WORDS… physical attraction is there…. And for the sake of ease of reading this… here are the names used – Cowboy, Simon, and Susan and well me…..

Simon and Susan do not need words to build a connection to add to the physical attraction they have… Cowboy and I do…. we have decided that we find each other attractive, interesting, compelling, and a need is there…. and it is built and continued with the Chase….

Simon and Susan hit it off when we meet for dinner. Because they do not need words/connection to build the attraction they know very little about each other… They are IN PERSON type of people. They like to see what the person is like in person and find out about them when they can ask and get immediate answers… see their non-verbal cues and so on… They hit it off…. and this is a good thing….

Cowboy and I pay attention to their conversations as I can get to know Susan more and he can get to know Simon more…. our need for words/connection is satisfied…. not on the same level as the connection between Cowboy and I… but it is there….

That elusive 4 way connection….

But hold up… before you think all is good in the world…. I must tell you… this only works if the people involved understand that people are different and many people do not recognize differences in others as to how they receive ‘affection’ or as is popularly known as Love Languages. If you have never taken this test… you really should… google Love Languages and take that test and find out what your love language is – words, quality time, gifts, physical, acts of service…. You will see the differences… my love language is WORDS – I am sure you are surprised….. so I can connect very easily with others whose love language is words…. and when I talk about LOVE Languages… it does not mean that real, deep love like between spouses is happening with those you share love languages – it means simply that to make any type of connection you need to figure out what or how to speak to them to get their attention….

Simon’s love language is not WORDS. His is quality time…. He would be happy spending time in person with people no matter what you are doing…. even sitting in the dark with a person makes him happy (okay, maybe not sitting in the dark, but you know what I mean, he likes the quality time with people).

In some ways, Simon and I are not very compatible… he is not a big words person, much to my dismay…. and if I am going to be spending quality time with him… it would be nice if there was some words spoken… just spending time sitting together at the movies or watching television is not what I call quality time because my words need is not quenched….

So, I will go and find someone else who will quench my thirst for words… and that is one of the things I love about the sexually social adventure we are on… I can find people who love words as much as I do… who love to flirt and talk and it isn’t always about sex… but yes quite a bit… but it can be other things as well…. and Simon can find those who fill his love language on this sexually social adventure…

Yep, that is what I like…. I can get the words that I need… and not all those words are compliments but just verbal or written connection…

When you look at the scenario above… I believe Cowboy’s love language is words… and I won’t guess about Susan’s love language because ummm I don’t know her…

But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that when you connect with someone whose love language is similar to yours… the connection builds… the chase – however it happens begins….

When you have a four way connection, you will find that it does not mean that all four of you have the same love language… or even two of you… it could mean that there is enough similarity between the love languages. Sometimes you can be equally split between more than one love language and you are receptive towards recognizing their love language…

Bet you are thinking… well, I have never heard of love languages or took the test…. I have no idea what you are talking about….

Well, you don’t have to have heard about this or taken the test to have identifiable love languages….

Think about it… if someone takes the time to get to know you in person, really listens to you, really hears what you are saying… doesn’t appear rushed, wants to spend as much time as you need… and this really speaks to you… you are a quality time person…. and if you make attempts to spend quality time with others… instead of hit it and quit it…. it is confirmed you are a quality time person….

If someone can bring you a gift… and it speaks the world to you – and let’s be honest… this doesn’t have to be diamonds and Mercedes… but could be picking wild flowers for you, or finding a cute little picture frame, or picking up your favorite coffee at a coffee shop because they were thinking about you…. you love gifts because it says they thought about you… and if you like to pick out the perfect gifts for people – or think of someone for no reason and you pick them up say a coffee just because… that is your love language…

Acts of service is one that is wide open… if you like to do things for others for nothing in return, take care of their home when they are gone, pick up their mail, take care of them while they are sick, help them clean their home, host a party, anything like that… and you feel loved when someone does that for you… yep, that is your love language…

Physical touch, it is more than sex… it is as simple as having someone hold your hand, put a hand on your arm or shoulder when talking to you or you to them… hugging people… just feeling the person is there… and yes, it also includes sex… you feel sex is more than just the act of fucking but it is a sensual experience of sharing deep meaningful feelings with each other… spouse, boy/girlfriend, or a swing partner…. then physical touch is your love language…

Words of Affirmation – you really enjoy words… you feel loved when someone tells you you matter with words… it is also a double edge sword as words can also devastate you if they do not realize you have a lot riding on words… you love to encourage others, get to know them, and well find out about them through words…. your love language is words…

You can have more than one love language that is dominant in your life… and it does not mean you can’t provide others their love language even if it isn’t yours… it is more likely that you will focus more on the manner in which you spend most of your time giving and receiving….

So what does this have to do with the chase and the capture….

As I demonstrated… Cowboy and I communicate very much the same way… we seem to hit if off… but because I know that Simon and Susan don’t share that same love language… so when we are together… I need to move away from myself and what I need to give Simon and Susan what they need… they like in person communication…. it is important for that connection to happen to be open to what the other person needs… and if you look at it… my love language is still being met… We are all talking…

When Simon and Susan feel validated, loved, wanted, appreciated in their love languages a connection is built and the ones between Cowboy and I are more secure….

Ah, what do I mean about secure?

I will discuss that on the next post….

Hope you are enjoying the chase, the capture, or the chase that leads to the capture….

Sophia

The Chase That Leads To The Capture….

I love the chase and the capture… a lot… a whole helluva lot….

I am not embarrassed to say that I love the chase that happens on this adventure… when you spend time getting someones attention or they get your attention. The feelings you get make you feel giddy, happy, alive, wanted, desired, attractive, and the flood of chemicals in your brain and the changes happening in your body are like a high… and it can be addicting.

It is more than just the chase that is so very, very good. The capture is also very good…. when the build up of all the giddy, happy, alive, wanted, desired, attractive feelings combine and makes you feel so damn good while being captured… or doing the capturing.

I love during the chase to have a running sexy dialogue with people… To talk of what we like to do and what we would love to try… some of it may be with them or some of it is just in general….

I am gonna tell you something… hope this doesn’t surprise you too much…

I am very good writing what I like…

I am very good at expressing myself written or orally….

I have a very creative imagination and well…. my imagination can really take over when I am thinking of sexy fun things to do…. with you or in general….

But that doesn’t mean that what is said during the chase has to be done during the capture….

I am not a girl who likes checklist sex….

Here is what I mean by a checklist… during our chase we talked about the following:

  • wanting or needing to fuck you immediately
  • kissing for hours
  • taking hours at oral foreplay
  • a bit of teasing – me with you and you with me
  • anal
  • having two cocks in me
  • fisting
  • not using condoms 
  • sloppy seconds…. 
You get the picture… our talks may have covered so very much… 
I may have told you how much I want to fuck a real cowboy, a fireman, a Marine, any other thing I mentioned…. but it does not mean that I have these fantasies of fucking say a cowboy built up so big in my head that they have to be fulfilled or I won’t be fulfilled…. 
Checklist sex means that YOU BELIEVE WE MUST CROSS EVERYTHING ON THAT LIST OFF as we complete it…
I don’t want that… I never want checklist sex…. 
I want the freedom we had during the chase to continue throughout the capture. 
What freedom am I talking about? 
The freedom to explore… you know explore what you like, what I like, what we want to do with each other that we may not want to do it with anyone else…. spouse included (often because it is something that was discussed between the two of you and it may not be something the spouse is interested in doing – and that is not a bad thing… it is actually a benefit of being on a sexually social adventure…) 
The freedom to move along with what you want without you having to time what you are doing and go in order…. 
Like you the man always start on the woman’s left breast. Always. Then after about 2-3 minutes of left breast maneuvering you move onto the right breast. For 2-3 minutes. Then you kiss between the breasts then above the belly button, the belly button, and then above the pubic mound, and then the pubic mound, then the clit…. 
Kinda sounds a bit clinical doesn’t it…. 
It isn’t just how I wrote it… it is about the fact that checklist sex is clinical…. if you are not going by emotion (not crazy emotion but going with the flow emotion) then it will be clinical… when your partner can figure out quickly the time you spend on each activity before moving to the next… it is clinical…. and that sucks… and not in a good way… 
The chase has to be freeing for both parties… 
MMMM, freeing as able to be yourself. Not restrained by rule after rule…. if you can’t text your future partner without getting in trouble…. yeah, that isn’t really gonna work when you guys are together… that jealousy has to be gone from the situation… and situations like that are fraught with problems make the person recognize that maybe the chase isn’t as much fun for them… maybe they can only have the capture… 
It is possible to have a generic and platonic ‘chase’. They aren’t much fun. I have been party to them. They are not much fun at all…. 
The chase has to be freeing for both parties…. so the capture can be freeing…. 
I know this may make sense to some of you and not a lick of sense to others…. but if you are not able to freely chase someone without jealousy, insecurity, and other negatives from your partner… the chase isn’t fun for you, the person you are chasing, or the others involved in the foursome…. ugly spreads… 
If you are not able to freely chase… your partner knows there is going to be some bit of you that cannot freely capture… 
But enough of that… 
When you are free to chase and free to capture…. OMG… is that a blast and a half…. 
Consider the following scenario…. 
Once the initial contact was made… let’s say on chat… and then you private chatted and then you exchanged numbers… and then he texts you…. (hey, it is easier for me to role play as the female because well… I am a female)….. 
But any ways… he texts you and says a simple good morning… but he has you turned on just by seeing his name pop up. Then he tells you something funny about his day… or has a serious conversation about things.. (Not serious like the death rates in his locale or such) but about non-sexual things… and then suddenly a compliment… a compliment that mean something… and then a bit of what they want to do with you comes out… and then it begins to be a good mix of sexy and real… authentic… 
Never underestimate a good flirting… there are so many things that one must understand about flirting…. but one thing stands out…. flirting makes you feel wanted… or needed… 
And yeah… that NEED thing (see other posts I wrote on NEED) happen… and that builds the attraction you feel… the need you have to get quenched and OMG… it is such a good thing… a very good thing…. so much a good thing that it can carry you on to the moment of capture while you are still in the clouds… 
It is a great thing to have happen, when the chase is so good…. 
Many fear anything that is too good… that it is too good to be true… or that you have put them on a pedestal… or you have fantasies built up on your head that they can’t possibly live up to… 
But think about it this way… if he was honest with you and you were honest with them… then you both have a good idea of what you each are like and he can be real and authentic with you… there is no need for fantasies because you are so high on your reality…. 
The last guy I played with on multiple occasions… it was like that… we met with no chase before… but met at a house party someone else hosted. We met, hit it off and OMG had one of the most incredibly erotic experiences… wrote about that before in the blog… the breakfast bar scene… so very hot… well, we met up on multiple occasions vanilla and swinging… played and flirted, kissed, teased, wanted each other… each time we met there was a chase in between… there was a need that developed… he and I were very compatible sexually and I loved each time we were together… we could share what we really liked and didn’t like… we wanted each other from the moment we were in the same room…. the chase, the capture, and the other captures… didn’t require a fantasy to be built up… the reality was incredible… It was SO DAMN GOOD…. 
I know of what I speak people… I have been on the receiving end of no chase and crappy capture… I have been on the receiving end of no chase and wonderful capture… I have been on the receiving end of wonderful chase and even better capture… 
One of the fondest chases I have had… it was almost a year to the day that I first ‘met’ him on the forums… throughout that year… he frustrated me to no end… pissed me off a few HUNDRED times, turned me on more times than I should have ever admitted to anyone… I even wrote a few ‘stories’ based on him being the main character… Taking the Edge Off was my favorite one about him… and through it all, I never lost sight of who he was… who the real person he was… his glorious attributes and his annoying behaviors… his sweetness in a not typical sweet way and his arrogance… 
Yeah, making him sound like a real winner huh? He was.. because through it all… he was himself… he was honest about who he was and the conversations we had were wonderful, interesting, frustrating, and very stimulating… he could get my blood boiling in many ways…. 
When we met… it was the greatest moment (not in my life… hey I am married, have a couple kids and well, let’s face it.. that may be a bit more important)… but it was the greatest moment… my reality match the reality he presented. The sex was awesome… 
You see… I love the chase and the capture… and I really love it when the chase is authentic and free… full of being yourself and still and because of that… the capture really puts you at loss for words to describe it…. 
Hope you are enjoying the chase and the capture… 
Sophia

Approachable… Yes or No?

Hey everyone… I am writing this blog post on Saturday morning. I just finished the blog post about Doing the Math…. I thought I would get a heads up on a post just in case the party ends late like the last one 3:30 am… YUMMMY…

I am letting you guys know this as the topic was one I mentioned on the post The Other Day…. approachable….  so just so you know… none of the examples are about the party we are going to have tonight… or when you read this… yesterday… The examples I will use in this post are about parties we have been too previously….

Just wanted to make sure you all were understanding the sequence of events…

The forum thread started on this site we are on by me. So many people would post a comment that said “STAY AWAY FROM ME” as did their profiles…. there were so many people out there that were making it very difficult for others to find them approachable… whether the multiple rules or the fact that the rules were written in such as way that there was no bending for anyone… and some of these rules were on things that really do not matter… as in if you see the other persons picture and they are bald, do you really have to announce that you are not interested in them because they are bald? No, you can simply write a nice email stating, sorry not interested. Or you can ignore them. Either way, it is better than being perceived as rude. Now, if you are rude and this is how you are every moment of every day… thanks for putting it out there….

For many people, they write their profile in such a way as to let others know what they want… then they get upset that no one wants them….

Are you really surprised?

Seriously. Are you really surprised?

I don’t really read profiles anymore… Hence the party thing… I would rather you present yourself to me in person than by all the crap you put in your profile that may or may not be the real you…..

I can usually sense if I will like someone in a matter of minutes… and sometimes you can tell who wrote the profile…. and I may only like one part of the couple…. but at least I get that option to see in person what you are like… and believe me… that is a good thing…

I don’t judge people by their pictures alone. Some of the pictures I have taken of me and hubby suck. Big time… they don’t get on the profile… but sometimes a picture I am not as in favor of is liked by others… but whatever… ya know… sometimes pictures don’t do us justice… I give the benefit of the doubt…

Here is another thing… I don’t base my attraction solely on looks. You can be an average looking guy but find the key to engage me and I think you are hotter than anyone! Yeah, it can be that easy to go from okay to OMG I want you….

Because my list is not long as to what you have to be, do, have……I base it more on the person you are overall… many people can pick that up…. they see me as open to meeting them… approachable… and damn it when no one is willing to approach me… I approach them…

I see the relief wash over their face, the look of excitement that they feel that someone is breaking the ice… I will give little tips on how to break the ice with others… and well, these tips work… they appear more approachable and are approached or welcomed when they approach others…

Here are some of the tips I have given to others that have worked….

  • Smile – you do not know how much that conquers… if you smile you are immediately approachable… people are drawn to smiles… and laughter…. and smile damn it…. it is contagious…. and wouldn’t you rather have a smile spread quickly throughout a party rather than crazy or herpes?
  • Approach quickly and then leave – This is a great opportunity to use in a larger group – I say that but you can use it in smaller groups as well… you see a couple you want to meet but they look scared, unfriendly, out of your league, whatever – so take a good look and find something you can mention on the fly and then move on…. here is what I mean…. You see the female has a hot dress on – you decide that you will say something about her dress and then move to the drink table or bathrooms after you pay a compliment… for example
    • “OMG, I love that dress… It is gorgeous and you look so hot… Hi, I am Sophia, my hubby is Simon… I just had to tell you how hot you look, gonna go get a drink… would love to talk to you both later.” And then  you are off to get that drink. 
    • The couple you just spoke too has an opportunity to talk to each other to determine if you are ‘worthy’ of more conversation, get to know you more, or fuck you (because seriously, that is the reason most of us are at the party). They get to discuss this by themselves without you hanging around putting ‘pressure’ on them. 
    • Do not look back at them….. go get your drink and talk to someone at the drink table if there is someone there… if not stop and say something to someone you know or to a complete stranger repeating the above process…. what you are saying to that couple is “NO PRESSURE” and “I AM FRIENDLY”. Then on your way back if they have been watching you, ask them if they want to hang out a bit…again, ask this on the fly… say something like “Hey, I am going back to hubby over there, do you want to join us?” And then start heading over to hubby. You put the ball in their court, no pressure and if they do not join you at this point just to talk, then move on… they are not approachable nor friendly nor “your type”. If they come over later in the evening…. welcome them… just know that you may be their only choice and don’t take it personal… you have had many others that you have been talking with or playing with…. 
  • Find the Belle of the Ball – the one who seems to know everyone and make friends with her. Let her spread the word that you guys are cool. It will work better than any other attempt you will make…. unless.. unless of course the Belle of the Ball is a jealous bitch… but that will require you to pay attention. Does she have to have everyone’s attention to be happy or is she really enjoying getting to know people authentically and people are drawn to her? 
    • The Jealous Bitch needs to be dealt with a bit differently… and usually for me… that is to avoid her… just my choice…. 
  • When you are at a party and people saw you arrive with your spouse and only see you talking to your spouse and kissing your spouse and sucking your spouse and fucking your spouse….. you have sent the worst message possible…. you are not approachable… you are only interested in your spouse… that does not welcome others to your group…. it excludes them…. Now you may be thinking that sex with my spouse is so good… yeah it may be… but what is the point of going to a swinger party, club, or even a date if that is all you are doing… you have to build an attraction with the other people if you want to actually swing… and again, this advice is geared towards actual swingers. If you do not want to swing just be in a swing environment then of course these steps have nothing to do with you…. 
  • What your resting face and posture…. seriously… some people have a resting face that is a natural frown, or have to squint to see anything, or look bored even when they are not bored. Damn it… look at yourself in a mirror and see what your resting face is… and practice a happy and approachable face… OH, and how do you do that? YOU SMILE! A real smile that meets your eyes… that show the world you are wanting to be there, having fun, and welcoming others to join them…. and your posture… do you really have to have your arms crossed over you chest? Do you have to be turned away from the others in the group? Slouched like you are unhappy about being there? 
  • Look for folks that are by themselves. This one is obvious… really it is… go to those who have no one around them and talk to them. Talking does not guarantee or imply you will fuck them. It just means you are willing to talk to anyone. That is what someone who is approachable does… they approach and not with an agenda to get some from everyone they talk too… that is too transparent and a turn off… but if you go up to someone or see someone sitting at a table by themselves next to you ask them to join you. We did this so many times… we gained a reputation for being a couple that welcomes anyone to the group. No pressure to put out… no cut off on how hot or not they are… but we will welcome everyone to talk to us and join us… 
Gonna tell you a little secret… no one is out of your league when you are approachable. 
There may be people who are not interested in having sex with you… but that doesn’t mean they are out of your league… all you are trying to do is get to know people in general. Yes, you may want to fuck them, but you have to talk to them first… and that is what this is all about…. being approachable….
Many “HOT” couples are the loneliest couples in swingerville. People assume they are out of their league, that they will not want to talk to them let alone anything else. They will avoid them under the assumption that they are snobby, rude, or elitist. Don’t get me wrong. A number of them are. But on the off chance that the hot couple is interested in meeting anyone and that anyone is you… why wouldn’t you take the chance and do something about it by simply talking to them. 
What would you do if you could not fail? 
Seriously, if all you are attempting to do is appear approachable… being approachable… approaching others to appear approachable… and all it requires is being nice and wanting to move outside yourself…. surely you can do that without fear of failure…. 
Hope your adventure is an approachable one… 
Sophia

Doing the Math….

Hubby and I figured we could actually throw a party in our home for less than it would cost us to go on a “First Date”. We could actually have multiple first dates at one party we hosted for less than the cost of one single date… and when we figured out the costs of our first party… yeah, it was a lot cheaper than a first date….

Doing the math can sometimes scare you… like when you look at how much a first date costs and then you look at the net of the first date….

I am not talking just if you scored…. we have been on first dates that we knew ahead of time there would be no playing and on first dates where playing was decided by us all before we met… a lot of different scenarios in play there… but the bottom line isn’t rating the net of the first date solely on IF you have sex… sometimes it is IF THE SEX WAS GOOD…. or IF THE PEOPLE WERE INTERESTING…. or other factors like that… I mean seriously… sometimes a first date is worse than going to the dentist, getting a gyno exam or for you guys a prostate exam… I am sure many of you know what I mean….

Dinner drags on and on with little conversation of interest… there isn’t even a game or other event on the bar TV to generate a conversation and you being a natural talker have run out of ideas or out of desire to carry the entire conversation… or they are just out and out rude…. or arrogant… or whatever else you want to put in there…

Then you look at the cost of the travel to the restaurant/bar, the tab for food and/or drinks, hotel room if that was agreed upon… and on and on and the costs really do add up… One time we spent more than $300 for 15 minutes of BAD sex on a first date…. couple hundred miles on our car… money and time wasted… and seriously… if we had them at our house party… it would have been so much cheaper… and we wouldn’t have to drive home in the early morning hours…

Now if you are with the couple for a few hours, spent this money and thought play was going to happen…. and you didn’t really like the people once you met them… well then you have some rather uncomfortable moments ahead of you… and as most people do… you may think… well that was a waste of money…

Some people say, well at least the food was good….

If you are looking to meet a number of people to find that one that you want to play with… be FWB or otherwise just once and done… you can drop a couple hundred a weekend….

House parties have been a favorite of ours. We can meet a number of folks at one gathering and get to know them in a more relaxed atmosphere…

We previously decided that we are not really a First Date loving couple… we will do second dates with folks… one on one play after and that is the key AFTER we met at a party….

There are responsibilities for being a host – and we have taken it upon ourselves to provide NON-Latex condoms at our parties because I have a latex allergy….

So we were doing the math… making sure we would have enough condoms for the party….

Six couples will be at our house party… it is a smaller party for a smaller house… for more fun… as you can get to know each other better in a smaller setting…

And let’s be wide open here… the purpose of most house parties and their guests is to have a place to come and play…. yep… a number of folks going to house parties do so for sex.

We don’t charge people to come to our house parties…. they have to bring their own drinks… we provide snacks, mouthwash, condoms, and wipes…. and places to play… as in fuck and suck…

While you do not have to have sex with anyone at our house parties… the opportunities are available… if you so choose…

So we were trying to figure out the condom numbers needed… I am a firm believer in having more than you need… in case of mechanical failure, change of mind, and other issues…

Plus you figure we have invited 5 couples that are full swap… so if they CHOOSE to have sex, they will likely be having intercourse….

Here is where the math comes into play… with 6 couples and you do not know how the night will go… who will do who… how many they will do…. there could be 36 condoms minimum used… then if you add in ‘error’ rate… well we may want to start buying our condoms in bulk.

I tell you what… never had to figure out this type of math before…. whenever we had bar-b-ques, parties, or what not… never had to figure out if we have enough condoms per person…

You know usually we just had to figure out if we were going to have enough burgers and dogs if they had so many per person, this many gallons of tea or lemonade, enough side dishes and desserts figuring the type of each with type of events…

This is a bit different… but not too much… more funny than bad different…. I mean I love to host folks and love to feed people….

Also love to have sex with ‘strangers’ and ‘friends’… so it all good and I do mean all good…

As we have been talking with folks about our parties we are hosting… we found a lot of other people who share our philosophy on the First Dates and the love of a house party….

We also found out that many would love to have a core group of folks to hang out with… they are interested in quality over quantity…  meaning they aren’t interested in driving couple hours away for a large house party that they no one at… they would love to have smaller parties to build relationships with them… not necessarily BEST friends or poly relationships… but you love to hang out with them and yes… have sex with them…

For many swingers their adventure is based on sex… as in they want to have sex with other people… they enjoy the thrill of meeting and being attracted to others… they want to have sex with someone and if it is good sex… they want to have good sex with them again…

Isn’t that an amazing thought…. getting together with people to have sex…. WOW…. So much fun…

When I was in high school and struggling with why I needed algebra… believe me it was a struggle… maybe it was the stinky (I mean she smelled like manure and horrible bad breath) teacher, or her odd way of refusing to teach to all the students and would just teach to those who learned without having to ask questions to see if they understood the concept before moving on… or maybe it was because this one guy I had a huge as in OMG huge crush on sat in front of me… damn it was hard to concentrate on algebra with him sitting there….

Funny side trip here… our Senior in Sociology class (a requirement for graduation to take Soc and Econ)… This crush and I were elected by the Soc class to get married as part of the class…. OMG talk about a cool dream come true…. kiss and everything….

But anyways… while I was sitting there in algebra wondering just how much these concepts would matter later in my life… who knew… I mean seriously…who knew that swinging would require some math….

LOL….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure… and if you are nearby… come stop over and join the party…. would love to have you… in all the ways you’d let us….

Sophia

Whatcha Thinking About?

I love the question whatcha thinking about… but at the same time I am scared when asked whatcha thinking about… why? because I don’t know if my mind and the thoughts I have sometimes should be shared….

I tend to have interesting thoughts that go on in an interesting pattern of flowing into a circle shape to get back to the main point…

And if that isn’t bad enough… I often have thoughts better left unsaid…. some are honest but could be considered mean… some are dirty… and some are very dirty… some are a bit deep and the others a bit airheaded…. all those thoughts are a part of me… but as this post will prove… at least to me… it can be difficult to follow this…

I started this post at 8am this morning… it is now 7:15 in the evening and this is where I am at… I had thought about changing the topic and then I went back to it and then thought of another topic… and well those topics may be used later on….

So what is this topic…

Oh yeah, lost myself….

Whatcha thinking about?

When I got that idea in my mind, here is what I was thinking about… I needed to write down the names of those who are coming to the party this weekend, which got me thinking about the house needing to be cleaned which meant I was looking for anything else to do as I don’t like cleaning the house, I do it but I don’t like to do it, and I then checked emails on the two sites, planned house parties for February and March – the one in March will be a day after my birthday, and that got me thinking of what I would love to do for my birthday… which got me thinking of who… and then I read some emails and then jump on chat… and well….

The house is clean btw… am horny… and had a great day with a fun little conversation with friends…

I am trying to figure out if someone is a misrepresenting themselves… this is one of the topics I am going to write about later…. I have it all written in my head…. just gotta put it down on paper so to speak…. just need to take the time…

Another conversation that was talked about is how to make oneself approachable… I reread a forum thread I started about being approachable… and it amazed me some of the comment that were made… I wonder if they ever figured it out….

Well confession time… it is 1:11 pm the next day and this post still hasn’t been finished…

So here is why… there is a thought I have been having and I am wondering if I should write about it… and well I have finally decided to write about it….

Coming on too strong or too needy.

Yeah, this is a huge no-no on this adventure… you turn others off… you make them fearful (not as OMG I am so scared) but fearful as “I am so afraid of the shit that will happen”. Avoidance fearful…

Here is the thing… if we have only communicated a few times and you start to act like “I OWE YOU ALL MY ATTENTION”…. well damn… I am running away… and if I am on a computer screen with you all… I am going to back away…. not as much communication with you… WHY?????

Because you are freaking me out….

You are coming on too strong, too needy, and I am not interested in having a stalker or obsessed person hanging out with me online or in person…

I would take it slow… build up the ‘relationship’ slowly…. and stop annoying people with messages of am I annoying you or are you ignoring me?

Back off for a while and let it happen naturally…. stalking is not sexy… needy is not sexy….

Another thought….

Guys who present as a couple but oddly enough the female part of the couple will never be available for a meet… not for dinner, not for a party, not for any reason… but has a number of reasons why they can’t come and even for the same day there are three or more reasons she can’t come… Pick one and stick with it…

When you present as a couple to another couple, people actually expect you to show up as a couple. Do not make plans or try to make plans as a single person with a couple… it doesn’t work… it sends out a number of red flags that scream…. THE WIFE IS NOT INTO THIS OR DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT THIS, OR I AM REALLY A SINGLE GUY.

Really fucking annoying. And when the signs point to this… well it is time to cut the ties…. unless you are going to provide proof that the female exists… the stop using them as a bait and switch….

And my final thought….

Do not present something to me as a challenge… such as telling me that you don’t want to be analyzed in my blog and then go on ahead and do all kinds of bat shit crazy to me…

You may want to read my blog from the very first post… I do not tolerate bat shit crazy well… and even less after the last month…. I am on this sexually social adventure for sex… not crazy… social encounters… not crazy… and certainly not bat shit crazy…. seriously… I may need to check for the neon sign above my head that says “IF YOU ARE CRAZY COME SEEK ME OUT!”

I do not want to deal with your problems… I do not want to deal with your insecurities or jealousies or other crazy… Leave me alone if that is all you bring… I want men and woman who want to have fun sex… have fun times… and none of the crazy shit… unless the crazy shit is all kinds of crazy good sex!

You come on too strong, too needy, your stories aren’t kept straight… well you know what… I don’t have the patience for this…

Do yourself and ME a favor… take a deep breath… reflect on what you are doing and stop doing the crazy shit you are doing…. It is not working out in the manner you want it to….

To end on a good and high note… I so enjoyed talking with my cowboy…. SO MUCH FUN…. My cheeks hurt from all the smiling I did…. thanks…. so much…. (and even more for no bat shit crazy!)

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

So The Other Day….

So the other day I was chatting with some folks on a site we are on… I hadn’t been on chat for a long time… work had been horribly busy… and by the time my day was done… my brain was exhausted… I was also going through some other things… if you read the last month’s posts… you can see that I was going through some serious things… but any ways… things were getting easier with work and my overall mood was improved… so I jumped on chat… seen some old friends… met some new chat friends…

It was a lot of fun on chat… teasing, flirting, pics… conversation galore… secrets revealed… not as many as you may think and not to all… but some secrets revealed…..

But the feeling was a great high… talking with others… flirting with them… and the conversations while in small chat bits were interesting…

There is something I noticed about chat… if you engage someone or others in the room… you get a huge response from that person and the others in the room…. the key is to engage….

So this brought me to this idea of what to write about… to discuss the art of a conversation…

Before my brief hiatus from chat… I was getting tired of the same lines coming out of the same people for the same reason… it was annoying to me and a lot of other people…How do I know this? I had people ask me why I wasn’t on chat. They said they missed me because chat was boring without me starting conversations…

The truth was… sometimes I was starting and carrying the conversations by myself… or so it seemed… people were often distracted… they could make comments about how quiet (crickets) it was… but offered no assistance in getting the conversation rolling…

People would come on and do their usual statements and then would just sit there… and others would just sit there… or they would have a number of conversations in private chat that were perfectly suited for main chat and in fact if completed in main chat they would have increased the overall positive vibe of main chat…

However, I was not in the mood to do all the work…

But when asked why others would not talk on chat here is what I would hear….

  • we already said hi to the room
  • all the usual topics were covered
  • so and so were controlling the conversation
  • I am shy
  • I am not good at small talk
  • I like listening rather than talking 
  • I am distracted 
  • I am not interested in the main conversation 
  • I want to get off and the main chat won’t allow me to do so
  • I want to make you cum…. 
Well, here are my thoughts on this… not every chat you have in life… whether you are in main chat or private will get you off… sometimes life is just life and not a sexual escapade… 
But if you want to get off or get others off… share a story… talk dirty… flirt and engage the folks… it is not hard to engage a crowd…. 
I know…. I mean I know first hand how easy it is to engage a crowd… to get them all turned on and excited… 
I have folks telling me all the time… how they love it when I get going on main chat… and I can get it going very well… (seriously a thrill of mine… knowing what I write gets someone off…. big ass thrill of mine)…. 
But the thing is… engage the person…. 
Do not ask 20 questions…. that is so not the way to engage a person… whether this is the first time you meet or if you have known them 25 years… 20 questions are annoying unless everyone knows you are playing 20 questions and agreed to play….. 
So what do you do? Simple… engage them in a conversation…. tell them something nice… OMG… pay a compliment… but be careful… not an over the top cheesy compliment…. and know your audience… do not pay a compliment to a man thinking he is the female of the couple…. or the other way around… nothing annoys me more than a guy telling me as if I was the male half… “your wife has nice nipples.” Do you know how awkward in an annoying way to tell you “hey look buddy, I am writing in a somewhat fancy font in PINK, talk about myself as a girl… I might be a fucking girl!” 
How would I suggest starting with a compliment then…. well how’s this… “Wow, Sophia has nice nipples!”
See what I did then… instead of assuming the sex of the person… you give a general compliment that opens up a dialogue… I as Sophia can say…. “Thanks, I have been told that by so many guys…and girls…. hubby likes them a lot too.” 
So the person giving the compliment knows the sex of the person writing in PINK is in fact a girl… 
Now, if it was by chance my hubby on chat (very rare chance)…. he could say… “Yep, I love Sophia’s nipples, I am a lucky man.” 
Bet you are wondering how you go to the next stage of the conversation where you actually talk about something else besides that compliment…. 
Well, here is the thing… if Sophia doesn’t know you as in you haven’t met on chat before… whether male or female, but mostly male (because Sophia is one of a small number of women on chat – but that grows all the time)…. will check out your profile…. 
Society grooms us to find a compliment to return if we are paid a compliment… so they will look at your profile and pics… (THE BEST DAMN REASON TO HAVE PROFILE AND PICS)…. and return a compliment back to you. 
Then you can talk about where they live… if you have ever been there before… ask a question or two – not 20… and you are engaged with them… 
You have to remember… most if not all people feel shy at one point or time and to varying degrees…. don’t tell us you are shy… so what…. I just said most if not all people feel shy at one point or time… we are in front of computers… write something down…. take a chance… 
Here is the reason this is so important…. 
I cannot tell you how many times… Seriously, I can’t tell you how many times because it has happened to fucking much…. someone has met me, or wanted to meet me, or whatever… and didn’t make the first move…. and then they were left on the sidelines… 
They had their chance… and they blew it… they had my interest but then they backed down… 
WHY?????? You had my interest…. 
Let me tell you this… very important fact… Gonna write it in purple so it stands out….. 
I am very open about my sexuality… I am wide open and adventurous… I love to meet people and flirt… I love to let a guy or girl know that I want them… I love swinger sex… and sex in general… But I will not make the first move…. In the case of a man… I want… no need the man to make the first move…. I need to know that man wants me… I will flirt with you, hug you upon greeting… smile at you and otherwise let you know it is A-OKAY to move forward…. BUT…. He has to flirt back with me… and move the flirting to the touching stage.. and he has to make the first move to the first kiss… If he doesn’t… I won’t… I want a man to take the lead…. 

If the kiss is good and we move deeper into that kiss and we are touching more and feeling all kinds of good things… THE MAN will have to make the first move to get me to the point we are naked and fucking…. if you won’t take my hand and lead me to the bed…. or even if we are in an open area where sex in this ‘public’ place (like a house party or club)…. and you unzip your pants, pull my panties down, or otherwise let me know that you want to go further… 

I won’t do anything to move forward if you are not willing to watch my reactions and take the lead… not dominate me… but take the lead… 

I am just an old fashion girl at heart… but once I know you are ready to really engage me… watch out… your ass is mine and I will wear you out…. 

This one time we were at a restaurant with two other couples… not so much interested in the other two guys upon first meeting… however, this one guy started to really engage me… flirted with me and all that good stuff… we all head down the street to a dive bar… and he offers to get me a drink… he reaches over an whispers in my ear… then he kisses my cheek by my ear…. then his hand wraps around my waist… he kisses me fully and deeply…. 
Long story short… we made out a lot in the hallway by the bathrooms… the others going in and out of the bathrooms may have seen under my dress and what he was doing.. then he finger fucked me at the booth until I came while my face was buried in his arms…. to keep the sounds quiet…. but yeah… that is what I mean by the guy has to take the lead…. I am old fashion like I said… I want the guy to let me know he wants me and follows through on that want….. 
Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure… I am…. 
Sophia


Erotic Pride

This is a snippet of a forum post that I wrote last April. I think it conveys a sentiment that is missing. I wish you all had access to the entire forum thread as many comments were very telling. 

Here is my opening post… 


I have no idea if Erotic Pride is a real term, but I was talking with Mrs. ** trying to explain what went down last night and welI am going to take creative license on the term. When I used the word, she understood what I meant.
Now here’s hoping you do too….

On March 12, 2013 hubby and I talked about swinging for the very first time. On March 16, 2013 we had our first full swap experience. Yes, we jumped in feet first. I am the type of person that once a decision is made, well go for it….if it works then HOORAY….if not …. it was fun to try….

Well, we went back to their home….hubby was flirting and saw the guy was making a move on me…..he felt some thrill shoot through him….I loved seeing him start touching the girl’s arm…move in closer for the first kiss…..my panties were soaked, my pussy was responding to his movements…..I am not sure the guy doing what he was doing had that effect on me, I swear it was all hubby making a move on the girl….

Move forward a few adventures….we are at a house party and hubby is with a girl and sounds like she is having a ‘GREAT’ time…. I cannot tell you what it did to me hearing her responding to hubby….and while that was great to ‘hear’ nothing beats that girl coming up to me and telling me EVERYTHING SHE LOVED about hubby….

Last night, at a hotel take over, there were a few woman who flirted openly with hubby….I mean they were coming on strong and letting everyone know they were interested in hubby. hubbyenjoyed the attention and reciprocated….and I tell you what…I enjoyed every moment of that…..I was very proud of hubby having fun and very proud of the fact he was my hubby and appreciated by others….

It makes the whole adventure that much hotter, that much more erotic, and that much more of a turn on for me……
Erotic Pride…..absolutely delightful….

Sophia

The thread moved on to talking about jealousy and insecurities… and how others will project their negative feelings onto other people… 

Here was my next comment… 

We have seen jealousy (using that as a wide open term to address all the similar emotions) come about in a variety of ways and so many times we are surprised by the manner in which it manifests. Sometimes the most hilarious (in a very sad way) manner in which it manifests itself is projection. They will project their jealousy of the situation they are in or have in their relationships into other people. To say that they do not like someone they have never met and likely will never meet because that person is more open and less jealous (if not jealousy free) of their partner seeking sexual and/or emotional pleasure with them present or without depending on how they ‘swing’ is an obvious play of projecting their feelings on the wrong person(s).

Projection is very easy to see for all those around the person projecting. It is simply sad they do not see it for themselves and continue to look like an ass. 

“Psychological projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings.”
Sophia 

Well, that is some pretty interesting things to think about… and yes, they do carry on from my many posts of jealousy, insecurity, guilt, and oddly enough building a need and well…. 

Makes you wonder just what it takes to be a swinger… a healthy swinger at least… 

I read over the comments others have made on that thread and saw two distinct groups of people… those who understand to give their partner to another person is the greatest symbol of whole love for your partner… and those who struggle with jealousy, insecurity, and make efforts to add guilt to their partners do not understand that love is without restrictions as to ‘what is in it for me?’

True love allows you to want the best for your spouse and to allow them to seek the best in life without worrying if you will be left behind. You have peace of mind that your love is strong enough to withstand any number of challenges. 

However, swinging should not be a challenge but an adventure that you both eagerly and willingly partake together… You both enjoy sharing the person you love with others and harbor no resentment, anger, jealousy, or insecurity towards each other… 

While no one has ever lived in the swinger version of utopia as it is an ever changing adventure that is constantly influenced by those you meet along the way… you certainly do not have to add to the drama by bringing a lot of ‘crap’ unresolved between you and your partner or even within you. Taking the time to ready yourself emotionally is just as important as preparing yourself with a shower, shave, make up, brushing teeth… you get the picture… You have to be ready for your adventure and that means taking care of your ‘shit’ before your shit starts to bother others… 

Because if you do that.. you can experience erotic pride. And a great experience it is… 


Hope your sexually social adventure is full of erotic pride…. 


Sophia

The Love of a Cock….

Okay, so I admit to being bi-sexual. I do love to play with women… However, not exclusively. And not every woman I have the opportunity to play with… i.e. they claim bi something or other… Many times I am more interested in the guy portion of the couple… sometimes I enjoy playing with both.. but if I have my option… I will focus on the guy… and his cock…

I do so love a good cock…

Once in a funny moment of mental conversation on this subject with myself and with others.. I admitted that sometimes I wish I was born a man so I had a cock… Yeah, like cocks that much… I must have penis envy in a unique manner… the idea of being able to feel what a man feels when he is turned on and pleasing a woman… to feel one of his orgasms just once… it would be wonderful…

The strap on dildo I have just doesn’t really give me the ‘feeling’ I seek when having that mental conversation.with myself… It actually lacks real feeling… as in I do not know what it feels like to be hard – yes, my nipples get hard and my clit responds when turned on and I can sorta feel the same thing.. but it is not the same thing… I cannot know what it feels like to have a hard cock and to feel that orgasm as it cums… the pleasure of knowing you brought your partner to multiple orgasms by using your cock… sliding in and out… faster, slower, harder, softer…. to have that power… to bring a woman to her knees (had to make reference to my favorite position after all)…. screaming out in pleasure…. to make that physical connection of being inside a woman… (physically it is something a man can accomplish and enjoy… sadly though it doesn’t extend to being inside the mind of a woman… think of what great value that would be if it could be done too)….

I love being a woman and having the ‘power’ to turn a guy on… see his cock harden… the glistening drops of moisture resting on its head… the licking it off gently and feeling the cock move in response…

I also love the ability woman have when they can cum and cum and cum and well damn… cum some more…

So, yeah… I am very much okay with being a woman… but there is a part of me that would love to be a man for at least one day and be able to experience the joys of a penis and having great sex with said penis….

Since we know that won’t be happening… me suddenly being changed into a man for one day… I have no other choice but to admire and enjoy cocks from the viewpoint of a woman… from the advantage I have as a woman who loves as in really loves playing with a cock…

There are many things I love about a cock…

I love how hard they get when you tease, flirt, and fondle the cock and the owner of said cock… Yes, it is more than just the cock that I love to play with… I do enjoy the guy that is attached to the cock… engaging him.. talking to him, flirting with him, kissing him, touching his body (not just the cock)… I love that moment of reveal when his cock comes out from hiding behind fabric and is eager to meet me in the flesh…

I love a cock in my hand, in my mouth, and yes… those two other places… I love to feel it pressing up against me urgently… the wetness it leaves behind… between my legs and where ever the head leaves its juices….

I love the taste of the cock before, during, and after the man cums…

I love to taste myself on the cock….

And yes… I do swallow… just in case that question was in your mind…

What I really love is when the cock has been well used… by me… and the man is exhausted from a great adventure.. incredible orgasm… and it is resting…

I love to place that ‘resting’ cock in my mouth… to play with it.. to taste it… to enjoy it in my mouth as the guy tells me that he needs to rest and it will be a while for his cock to wake back up….

And yet, I am sitting there with his cock in my mouth and it is growing… harder, longer, fuller, wanting more… as do I…

He is surprised by the life his cock suddenly has… he is thrilled his cock is waking back up sooner than he anticipated… I love the fact that I could do that… and that cock is in my mouth… and then it enters me again… fucking me hard as this man has realized just how amazing his cock is in my eyes… mmmm, love that so very much….

Yep, for me… there is nothing better than the love of a cock….

Hope you are having an incredible sexually social adventure….

Sophia