On the last post Part 2 I left off with this statement….
What is even more interesting… and this is a kicker folks… a huge need to see done in order to have success at the chase, the capture or the chase leading to the capture….. and that is to realize how they act before the sex act is a great indicator of how they will be while having sex….
On this part, it isn’t the chase or capture… but how they respond to others…
Have you wondered where I was going with this…. I bet if you think real hard… you can see the path this is going down… but if you thought I was going to say those who build the chase will be better lovers than those who just do the capture at the time of the meet… well, you would be wrong…
Not what I was getting at all…
It is not the chase, the capture, the love languages you share or don’t share that will allows you to realize how they act before sex as an indicator of how they will be while having sex…. it is how aware the person is of you and by extension – the others in your group.
Yep, there you have it… for a great four way connection, two way connection, chase, capture, or speaking in love languages, physical attraction, emotional connection and every thing else that you need to swing… it all comes down to how aware the person is of you and by extension – the others in your group.
I have said before that I am pretty good at getting to know a person, what they are like, their behaviors, insecurities, and so on and so forth. I am not the only one who can do this…. as a matter of fact… many CAN do this but rarely do because it does take time….
It takes time because if you realize what a person is like, you have to then realize what this means to you once you know….
On chat, forums, and personal communication with others I have expressed I am not into BDSM. I have mentioned numerous times that I zone out on the conversations on chat about this area of sexuality because it does not mean squat to me… doesn’t turn me on because most of the folks I talk to are men and they seem to think that I am the type of girl that loves to be a submissive…
I am not.
I have said this so many times and certain people just do not listen. They do not hear what I am saying… and because they do not listen to me… there is no chase, there is no capture… there is nothing between us that would lead to the eventual swinging encounter…. Hell, if I am honest… they lost my respect… they do not hear what I am saying therefore they keep telling me I do not matter… not really to them….
So using the chat example… if someone asks me if I like being tied up and I say no… then the responsible action would be to NOT try to talk me into it… but instead find out what I do like…
By finding out what I do like begins the chase… opens it up to a capture…
Back to the four way dinner with Simon, Susan, Cowboy and I…. let’s put this into perspective…
We know our own spouses… Simon knows me – Cowboy knows Susan…. I know Simon and Susan knows Cowboy…. so we all know our spouses love languages, preference on chase/capture… and other personality issues/quirks/traits/etc…. and we enter into this dinner with that knowledge in mind…
But we have to do more than keep it in mind… we also have to consider what we will be doing with this information we have….
Just because you have knowledge of something doesn’t guarantee that the knowledge carries over to behavior….
We have to actually – consciously decide to take that knowledge and do something with it… and it should be something beneficial.
For example – my love language is words of affirmation. My husband knows this is my love language and has for nearly as long as we have been married… All I have to do is remind him of our first arguments that we had where he SAID something that hurt… My husband knows that one of the things I love most about swinging is the communication with others… the flirting, the talking, the build up before the sex…. well almost as much as the sex…. but he KNOWS words are my thing… so he has to KNOW he NEEDS to TAKE CARE with WORDS…. If he wants to build my interest in him… he has to use words…
But on the same token… I know his love language is not words…. it is quality time…. I know that if I want him to spend time talking to me… he has to feel he has my attention… quality time…
If he has said something that hurt me…. because he didn’t think what he SAID would hurt me… but I expressed it did hurt me… he doesn’t say the right words to fix it….
Nope – he will want to spend quality time with me as if the words did not happen….
Unfortunately, I cannot spend time with him when he has said something and then more somethings that continue to add to the hurt…
At some point and time there has to be a middle ground… I have to support his love languages and he has to support my love languages… a cause and effect….
The same happens with the dinner dates… you and your hubby may know each other and how to adapt to the other person… but does the other couple?
Cowboy and Susan do understand in REAL LIFE how the other person is… are aware of their love languages… so this is not their personal example… not that you guys know who this couple is… but that is not the point… .this is illustration….
Let’s say Cowboy and Susan don’t realize how they are different in this adventure… Cowboy knows he loves the chase but he doesn’t really know or care what Susan’s preference is on this topic… and oddly enough… even when the spouse’s claim they do know their spouse so very well… in regards to what they want from swinging… they don’t… hubby and I had a recently belly laugh many times when someone told us that her husband is only in this adventure to see her with other women. He is not interested in being with women… so when he left her in the main room of a party to fuck me in a bedroom where we were the only ones in there… or when he went to fuck another woman at that same party – again in a separate room without wife… or when he made it very clear he wanted to fuck me as often as possible and made a point at another party to ensure all know that he is full swap even if his wife isn’t… and he can fuck any woman he wants…. yeah… sometimes spouses don’t really know their spouse very well…
But Cowboy is all about the chase and Susan only is interested in the capture… Susan is quality time and needs to have people focus their attention on her… not the attention whore type… but she can’t connect if there isn’t an in person focus between her and the other person (see how I wrote between her and the other person not all the focus on her)….
Often in these cases we find a little tension building between the other couple… she is uncomfortable because he is being himself and chatting away while she is sitting there hoping someone will notice… now if Simon is the same way as Susan… they are not going to break out and start talking… so someone has to stop and realize what is going on and how to stop it… and it is not just Cowboy and me that is responsible to do this…
Susan and/or Simon should state nicely… something along the lines of “I want to get to know you a bit better” and let it out that he/she needs to connect for anything to happen…
If this is done it sets the tone that all are to be included in this incredible chase/capture game we like to play…. and we do like to play it… we just want to play it on our own terms and not really remember there are others involved in all this…
We can blame it on human nature… but since we know it is human nature to be this way.. shouldn’t we do something or everything we can to not be this way if it is detrimental to our well being? I mean if you want to have a fun swinging adventure… not being selfish is probably a good thing… but if you are in a life or death situation where being selfish can save your life… such as grabbing the air mask on the plane before worrying about your seat mate having theirs first…
The chase and the capture…. continues…..
Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….
Here’s Whatcha Missed
- The Shit Men Say :) August 23, 2020
- Change of Course July 27, 2020
- Good Communication is Sexy As Fuck July 19, 2020
- Wow, A Lot Has Happened June 14, 2020
- Yeah, I Am Lucky As Fuck December 15, 2019
- And So It Begins December 13, 2019
- He Prefers Disdain and Condescension December 10, 2019
- When It Finally Happens December 8, 2019
- The Nilla Crush Continues December 3, 2019
- And What A Fool He Is December 2, 2019
- Now That We Know Sophia and Mike December 1, 2019
- Getting To Know Sophia and Mike November 30, 2019
- Last Weekend, Why It Worked November 28, 2019
- Oh, These Adventures… November 27, 2019
- And This Is Why We Are ENM November 26, 2019
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