Monthly Archives: July 2015

Strangers In A Club…

Wrote this on Sunday morning… well parts of it to a friend… here is a fuller version….

It was a Saturday evening and we were heading to a local club for us on a sexually social adventure… we were dressed and ready to meet new folks… getting over our nervousness… our anticipation was building… we enter the club… it is quite dark in the main room… and they had done this on purpose… a hot couple at the door told us they are about to start the pairing for the night…

We looked at them and asked what she was talking about… she leans closer to me and whispers… no questions, no answers, just feel… let it happen as the pairing takes place… I look to my husband and smile.. he smiles back and says ‘let’s enjoy.’

The doors leading into the main room are closed and the main doors are locked… it is time for the pairing… the DJ asks everyone to close their eyes for a few moments until you are paired up with someone new… when we feel someone touching us to go just go along with it… no harm will come… the DJ goes on to further explain… if all you do is say hi and move along… that is just fine… at least you met one new person… if you decide to dance and talk for a while… even better… if the chemistry works so well that you decide to explore… just remember this is an on-site club… enjoy yourselves and your new ‘pairing’….

The music that is playing is so appropriate for the moment… it is sensual and arousing… making the anticipation of what is about to happen all the more heightened….

I was led to a space a little bit away from where I was… the person doing the pairing had his hand on my lower back… leading me as I was willing to go whereever he takes me… He whispers in my ear ‘here is your playmate for the night if you choose’… he kisses me gently on my cheek and says, ‘if you don’t like your pairing, I’d be willing to hang with you later…’ Another quick kiss and he moves on to another pairing… too bad I don’t know who he is… his voice was sexy as fuck.

The DJ instructs all the women to keep their eyes closed for a few more moments… the DJ then instructs the men to kiss their new partners…

My partner places his hands on my cheeks and kisses me very gently on my lips… I can tell he did this to not startle me… he whispers to me ‘Do you want to continue?’ I answer him by kissing him back with a little moan slipping out… soon our kisses become harder, more passion filled and our tongues are exploring each other…

I have no idea what the others are doing… did their pairings lead to this passion filled moment? Are they just as turned on by having someone pick for them… to see if the chemistry is there? Do they love the idea of getting it on with a stranger?

My body was responding very well to what he was doing but also the entire adventure this was… to have a pairing and the man kissing so well… leaving me wanting more…

My fingers were buried in his hair and every time I needed his kisses to be more I grasped his hair a bit harder.  He responded by deepening the kiss, grinding his hips into mine, and pulling me closer with his hands on my ass. With the music and the movements we were making we were heading closer to the side of the dance floor… slowly but hardly the focus of our actions… to get closer to each other… to build the passion… to bring the need to the point where we are exploding is what we had in mind…

I feel a slight cooling of air across my nipples as he brought the top of my dress down exposing my obvious enjoyment… I have to admit, at this moment… I had no idea where anyone else was in the room… not even my husband… I needed him to take my breasts in his hands and my nipples in his mouth… I begged him in my kisses… asking him to ‘Please take them in your mouth.’

He continued to kiss me as he grasped my nipples… the movement was gentle at first… a slight touching of those hardened tips… the cool air, the slight touches, the need in my body made those nipples even more sensitive… I broke the kiss and forced his head towards my breasts… “Please, I beg you… take them in your mouth…”

To my relief he did… one breast kneaded with his hand and the other experiencing the pleasure of his mouth kissing the skin surrounding my nipple… taking his time to tease me… to torture me with need… he pinches the nipple in his hand at the same time as he bites down on my nipple… the sensation I felt throughout my entire body was incredible… was shattering… my pussy was dripping before… now it was dripping and clenching tight inside… but it needed something to pull deeper into my body… I was dying from need… I needed to have him take me soon…

Somehow we made it to the side of the room and just in time… My orgasm hit me hard… all from his kisses and the delectable attention of my breasts… he whispers in my ear that he is quite impressed with how my body responds to him… then asked me if I was willing to see what else he could do to get a response from me…

I was too turned on and still coming down from that orgasm to do more than just kiss him… my hands roaming across his chest and abs… moving closer to the top of his jeans… I needed to feel him as he felt me… I go up to the top of his shirt and begin unbuttoning him… placing little kisses where the skin was exposed. I pull his shirt out of his pants and look at his chest. I move my head to one of his nipples and begin to trace it with my tongue…

In the space between me and the wall, he moves his hands to my ass and begins to grip it as I lick and kiss his chest… his fingers move to between my legs and he gently traces the outline of my pussy… each time around he moves in just a bit… the wetness is everywhere and covering his fingers… he pulls his fingers away and brings them up to his lips to lick them… I join him in cleaning my juices off… he groans and puts his other hand at my opening and places two fingers in my pussy…

We can hear the juices soaking his fingers as he fucks me… I lean back against the wall so I can expose more of myself to him… he continues fucking my pussy with his fingers as he takes my nipples in his mouth again… my moaning is constant and loud… I can’t help myself… I am about to cum again… this man is killing me… my pussy pulls his fingers in deeper with every spasm of my muscles… I know his fingers will be covered in my cream… I am on the edge of cumming again, my legs are shaking barely keeping me upright…

He whispers he will keep me from falling… he begs me to cum now… on his fingers… telling me to think of his cock buried deep inside of me… pounding me until I beg for mercy…. his words brought me over the edge and he kept me upright as promised… but just barely…

He knelt down in front of me and tilted my hips forward so he could have access to my dipping pussy. His tongue started off very soft against my clit… that was a wise move because my clit was so sensitive… so in need despite my two releases… this man somehow knew my body so well… I have no idea how… but who am I to ask at a moment like this…

He licked my juices… tasted my cream… made my pussy very happy while his tongue was fucking me… I could feel myself building up to another orgasm… I was nearly screaming for him to make cum again when he gently nipped my clit with his teeth… it sent an incredible electric charge throughout my body and I screamed out ‘more’.

He obliged. He took my clit between his teeth and slowly increased the pressure until he knew how much I could take… I was surprised by the reaction my body was having and how much I enjoyed this… Each time he bit my clit he did it a little harder until my legs were shaking in response to my orgasms…

I was in pure heaven at this moment… but I wanted more… I wanted him to know how much I enjoyed myself… and how much I want to enjoy him… I reach down and begin to undo his belt and pants… I can see the outline of his cock straining against his pants… I can only imagine how much he wants release from not only his pants… but to cum in me…

I free his cock and stroke it a few times with my hands… he leans his head back and lets out a groan of pleasure and pain… he is so hard and so ready to cum… but I am not ready to let this cock go… I kneel down before him… take that cock into my mouth and taste the bit of pre-cum on his tip… he tastes so good. I moan my pleasure which causes him to buck his hips, moving his cock further in my mouth… I have one hand cupping his balls and the other hand kneading his ass… my mouth is enjoying his hardness and his thrusts.

He pulls out of my mouth and pulls me up to my feet… he tells me he is about to explode and wants to take me from behind… and am I okay with that he asks… of course I am… I move to face the wall… he places my hands above my head, pulls my dress up over my hips and spreads my legs a bit… I can feel his cock teasing my ass… I arch my back and stick my ass out further… he moves his cock back and forth between my outer lips, hitting my clit… I am moving my hips together with him… he is hearing my moans… and on one thrust between my lips he rams his cock straight inside…

The pleasure I feel from that action sends me into orbit… I cannot wait for the next thrust… I need the next thrust like nothing I have ever needed before… He knows instinctively this is what I need and continues to pound my pussy… hard and fast… bringing me to the edge of another orgasm…

At the edge he stops… pulls out and goes back to rubbing across my outer lips… I am begging him to pound me again… I feel kisses on my neck… his hands around mine on the wall… with each kiss he grips my hands harder… I know he is telling me about what is to come… his kisses warming me for the hard pounding he will inflict very soon…

And he does… he rams his cock in me again as hard as he can… my pussy is begging for more… immediately going to the edge… I can’t stand it anymore… I need constant pounding and I beg him… please… pound me harder…

He does.

I can tell he is nearly ready to explode… he is waiting for me… I tell him to go ahead and my pussy shares its joy of being pounded… being punished for needing him so much… my pussy holds his cock tight inside as he explodes all his passion in me… such an incredible feeling as we both reach our limits together…

My legs are so weak at this time… he is unable to catch his breath for a few minutes… we are a hot mess on the side of the room… him still buried in me… our entwined hands the only thing keeping us up…

Well, hope you are having a wonderful sexually social adventure now… LOL

Sophia

Okay, Shit Happens… What Do You Do?

I have not posted a new blog post in a while… and yet, I have written nearly 10 drafts… 10 separate drafts…

I have posted none of them…

I want to post them all and let the shit fall where it does…

I don’t care… but at the same time… I do not want to be too mean…

Yet, this is fucking stupid because of what these assholes have done to me and others…

It goes along the lines of things that make you shake your head and wonder what the fuck were they thinking…

And that is the thing, I don’t think they are thinking….

I don’t understand why swingers make so many things so fucking hard… and unfortunately it isn’t a cock to make the fucking hard and good…

It is people too stupid to be honest and say shit they shouldn’t….

It is people too stupid to recognize their jealousy and insecurities are making them act like bitches and assholes…

It is people to stupid to see their passive aggressive attacks show how petty, stupid, rude, mean, dumb, and ridiculous they are…

I am wondering why it is so hard for people who say they want to be friends to actually be friendly and friends….

I am wondering why it is so hard for people who say they want to swing to actually swing… without bullshit….

I am wondering why it is so hard for people who are swingers to be honest with themselves, spouses, and others…

I will be honest… I have about had it with swingers… their lying, manipulation, jealousy, insecurities, and all the bullshit that falls along the way…

So what do you do when this shit happens?

I am not sure…

I think I may have to ponder this awhile and then go on to regroup and figure out how I want to do this going forward…

I am so tired of this shit… and the people who bring this shit around…

So, this is a quick post… a not so positive post… but overall, much better than the posts I wanted to post where I ripped some new assholes… maybe I just need to jump ship when I start to see the similar patterns pop up… instead of giving the benefit of the doubt…

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These patterns are killing me…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

Saying No and Avoiding Drama… Can It Be Done?

The word NO is associated with rejection. Pretty simple concept there. When you respond with a no to someone’s question or opinion… rejection is the result.

Seriously… Are you cold? No, I am hot. The answer rejects the feeling of cold. Plain and simple. A no answer rejects whatever the question is…

For many of us… we understand that when you ask a question you must be willing to accept whatever answer we are given. Most of us understand that the answer will fall somewhere on the spectrum of Yes, No, and Maybe.

Yes is what we hope for… unless we ask because we are being nice but really hope they say no….

No is what we hate to hear if it goes against what we want… unless it is the answer we are hoping for – see above

Or the vague as shit Maybe… which generally means the person either wants to say no but is too chicken or they want to say yes but is too chicken…

Either way… Maybe is about as vague an answer that comes… and most of us assume that a maybe means no since most who want the answer to be yes will say yes… but you still have those wishy-washy people who can’t commit or are shy or whatever reason they have for not choosing to answer what they really think… so they say maybe…

But most of us know that a question asked will have an answer and often the answer is not what we want to hear… but we accept it as a risk we take when we ask any question…

In the vanilla dating world this is true.

And most learn to accept that you may not be their cup of tea… they don’t take the rejection that hard… it is a fact of life… some will score and some won’t… They may change up their pick up lines… check out a new way to engage or a new place to engage…

In the lifestyle… well, all those lessons we learned in the vanilla dating scene seem forgotten… or maybe they feel the lessons should not apply anymore because they are swingers…

I am not sure why they think this… but many swingers approach the lifestyle very differently… and that is kinda… what is the word I am looking for???? STUPID… Yeah, that is it… Why stupid? because they think that because they are swingers that everyone will want them. Yes, I know… they do not seem to realize that being a swinger does not make anyone want you straight across the board… you may want what they have but they may not want what you have… seems odd I know… but dang it all… that is what happens in the lifestyle…

I have noticed via email, text, forums, chat, and in person that many people think they are much hotter than they really are… When their impression of reality and reality collide… feelings get hurt when rejection happens.

Now, I am not one of those people who think they are the hottest swinger ever… despite what you may think from my posts I do not believe I am hotter than shit…  It always surprises me when someone tells me how hot, sexy, and wonderful for whatever reason they find me wonderful… Its not that I lack confidence in myself… not at all… I am just self-aware… there will be people who I am ‘hotter’ than and people who are hotter than me. And when someone says they think I am hot and sexy as imperfect as I am… wow that feels damn good…

I can list page after page of all that makes me less hot than my ego may appear to believe. I know of my faults… I can easily measure them up against others… and fall short…

But I don’t. I don’t focus on my flaws, faults, and flab… I don’t walk around depressed because I am not as hot as someone else…

But I also don’t go around thinking I am hotter than everyone else…

I am an optimist at heart… but I am not delusional. I am not the hottest swinger out there… I am not the sexiest… I am not the smartest. As I said earlier… there are people I am hotter than and people who are hotter than me. Reality can suck… but embracing reality really helps when we are dealing with putting ourselves out there and swinging.

So why my rambling on all that? Its very simple. If you realize you are not the hottest swinger out there and you are not going to be everything to everyone… you have a grasp on reality. And saying no based on facts is much easier than based on your baggage. And yes folks, we all have baggage. Don’t try to deny it… the more you do the more it shows… believe me… I know… and if your baggage keeps you from seeing reality… rejection hurts far worse than it does for those who get it….

You see, I mentioned that I know where I stand in the hotness scale. Since I am a bit pretty… I could easily think I was better than everyone else. Since I am not a size 2 I could flounder in low self esteem and confidence… But I don’t do either of those things… I am amazed and thrilled when someone I think is hotter finds me irresistible and craves me… but I don’t dwell on it… I enjoy the moment… I don’t judge others based only on looks. Personality and desire plays into the equation… and adds to the sexual attraction and chemistry. It is not based on their photographic abilities… and yes, that can be confusing and it may lead others to believe I would be attracted to them… and here come the emails and such…  but as we all know… we can see two people who are similar and be attracted to one but not the other… funny how that happens… but it does… hmm.

And when you send an unsolicited email to someone you want to fuck… you must accept you will hear yes, no, or maybe…

So how how do you say no and avoid drama?

1. Get a grasp of reality. You are not going to be all to everyone. You are not going to be the hottest person at every event. You are not going want everyone who sends you a message. This means…. hang on folks… this means the other people you send your emails to will likely have to accept the same reality…. and that may mean you will not be wanted by everyone you send emails too… see how that goes?

We have seen people that are not attractive (I am being honest and if it upsets anyone I won’t apologize. There are people in this world that are not attractive to the majority of people. Does not mean they are not worthy, just not found to be attractive) send emails to us and others thinking they have a shot of having sex with us. I know that sounds arrogant… but come on… the art of a selfie is not hard to learn… dress nice… not a tux or evening gown… but do you have to look like you just got in from hunting or the street corner? You have just one first impression… why not make it a good one?

Not only are they not attractive, their approach to us and others is not encouraging. I mean by this… sometimes their emails are written giving you a number of reasons to reject them. The email is angry sounding or overall negative. Have had a few who said… “I know we are not attractive but we are tired of being rejected by people. Will you give us a chance?” Or “We deserve a reply even if you are going to reject us? It is rude as shit to not reply!” This gives one pause to think that maybe, just maybe they are unattractive in looks and personality. Yes, one could rationalize that they are hurting from the rejection… and that is likely true… but putting their best selves forward would serve them better… simple things like clean up before taking a picture, clean up the background of the picture, wear clothes that match, fit, and smile. OMG smiling helps so much… I can’t tell you how many people take pictures and post them where they are growling or looking like a mean bitch… I’m telling you what… that is the majority of the reason why they are rejected by us… smile in the picture and convince us you want to meet people…

If you approach the lifestyle knowing that there are people hotter than you and people you are hotter than… life is good… you have a grasp of reality and you can approach the individuals wanting to meet you a bit more objectively. That there is a sliding scale of hotness… and not everyone will be at the same level as you… and most likely you are aware that you could be rejected by someone who is a bit hotter than you… That is a whole other topic I will venture into at some point.

2. Understand and this is a big one… not answering an unsolicited email is saying NO. You are not required to respond to any email you receive.

Some emails are obvious that don’t require a response.

If a single man sends us an email that says one or more of the following….

  • I can give your wife oral like she’s never had before (he has no clue what I have had… bold and very stupid statement that insults my husband and my other lovers… bad move)
  • My cock wants you (that is all you can say to me… who the fuck cares…. other cocks want me too, what makes you stand out?)

From couples

  • I want you to pleasure my wife, she wants a girl/girl experience… (and what will my husband be doing? What if I don’t want to give your wife a girl/girl experience? What if having two guys watching me give oral to your wife grosses me out? What if I prefer cock? What if your wife isn’t attractive?) See I can’t really answer this nicely, so I don’t answer. Why am I expected to lie to a complete stranger I don’t want to meet let alone eat????? (I thought that last line was funny and it rhymed….)
  • My wife and I want to have a FMF. (I am married. My question is… is the M my husband or you? What is the other guy going to do? And if the left out man is supposed to be my hubby… We will pass… but do I really have to explain that to someone I don’t know that by excluding my husband you ruled yourself out of the possibility of us meeting let alone playing.)

So, here is something to consider… an unsolicited email by someone you don’t know on a sex site that you DO NOT RESPOND TO is not a crime… it is not bad manners. Seriously, it is not bad manners. A no response is a response. Do not let others make you feel guilty about not responding. Who cares if they can see that you read the email and did not respond.

On a couple sites we are on many have debated this and stated that this is rude. You should respond to all emails you receive. I ask this question… WHY?

I did not ask this person to contact me. I did not ask them to write semi-intelligently. I did not ask them to insult my spouse. I did not ask them to treat themselves like a sex toy offering their cock or pussy. I did not ask them to tell me how every person I have ever had sex with has not performed well enough. Even if they had great spelling, grammar, smooth entry into the email, great information and a bit of flattery going on… if I find them unattractive and not interested in them…. I don’t have to send them a response. With the premise of no one really likes rejection… what do I tell this last example… “Awesome email, very impressed with your grasp on English and email composition… Love the smooth entry into the email and you really had me with your flattery… feels like it was sincere and heartfelt… however, I am simply not attracted to you. You see… you have this particular flaw that I noticed and I am not sure if I can sit across the table and fake attraction to you… so I don’t want to waste your time or put myself in that kind of stressful situation where I pretend there is interest and when the question pops out “wanna play?” I am going to want to vomit instead…”

How many of you been in a situation like that????? It happens more than you can imagine… when you respond to an email and be nice about rejecting them… it can result in a never ending conversation about why you are rejecting them…

I did not ask them to email me. I do not have to answer their emails. TO NOT RESPOND IS A RESPONSE. It means, no thank you, not interested, don’t want to lie or respond as I am not interested. I did not find anything pleasant to say in response and that old rule that if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all is what I am going to use as my reason not to respond.

Why should I have to lie or make up some ‘sweet’ response to make their feelings not hurt? I am supposed to lie to be nice to someone I don’t know and don’t want to meet because????? some swinger manual that does not exist tells me too… or someone who has gotten ignored by someone else is hurt by the whole concept of not being wanted by everyone…

See this is where #1 comes into play… get a grasp of reality… If you think you are an 8 on the hotness, others will likely see you as a 5, 6, or possibly a 7… We rate ourselves higher than we really are… so you are walking around thinking you are an 8 and you are really a 5 and you approach someone you think is an 8…. and you get rejected… it is because you did not align your perception of reality with reality.

Hate to be harsh… but that is really the truth…

And by approaching someone with that misplaced hotness level… you approach someone who finds you a 5 or less and they don’t know how to respond… they are thinking… hmm, what do I say to someone who is totally shooting outside their league… and if I say anything to them, they may think they have a chance… and they don’t…

And then there is the whole “If I write back and tell them no, a written rejection then they will write back and ask why we won’t meet them.” It just is a no win situation…

Believe me it happens. More than you may realize. A lot more… They get upset they are rejected… want to know why they are rejected… ignoring all the unwanted no match emails or stupid and offensive emails is by far easier… and again, no response is your response…

And no, it is not a chicken shit way of dealing with it… It is an honest approach to dealing with unwanted emails… similar to spam emails. Do you respond to all your spam emails???? Not likely.

3. Just say no.

Seriously… say NO and nothing else.

Do you want to meet for drinks?

No.

Why not?

I said no. (it is over at that second no… kinda like when a parent tells a kid no and means it. No means no…)

Do you want to play? Do you want to fuck? Do you want my cock? Want my wife’s pussy?

No.

You do not owe anyone a return email if it is unsolicited. You do not owe anyone a reason for your decision.

Seriously… this is what therapists teach their patients when they are learning how to be assertive. You have the right to say no. You do not have to explain why you say no.

Now, that does not mean that anyone/everyone will accept that when they get the NO told to them without a reason… but you don’t have to give them a reason. The question was a yes or no question. You gave an yes or no answer.

Just because someone thinks they deserve a reason does not mean you owe them a reason. I think my income should be a few million every year… doesn’t mean just because I think that it will happen… That is life… they really need to get a grip on what life really allows us all.

Think about what happens when you give a reason…

Do you want to meet for drinks?

NO. (you are not interested in them for sex or friendship)

Why?

I don’t drink alcohol.

You can have non-alcoholic drinks.

No matter what else you say after this point they are going to keep at you until you cave in… and why are you caving in? Say no and leave it at that… Seriously practice this in your mirror….

Another example

Hey do you want to get together for dinner and play after?

No.

Why not?

I can’t afford dinner and half a hotel room.

I can pick up your dinner and hotel costs…

See, same thing… they want you and will do whatever to get you to say yes and you painted yourself into a corner…

How about this one…

Can you meet this weekend?

No, we have plans.

Okay, so what about the next weekend?

Busy.

So what weekend do you have free?

I am booked up for a while.

How about during the week?

and it goes on and on….

JUST SAY NO.

No excuses… no rationalizations…. no painting yourself into a corner….

You do not owe anyone a reason for your NO.

And I bet you are thinking that you will be perceived to be an ass…

At first you may think so… but as an assertive person… and if you  say no and no reasons why there is a no… you don’t have to deal with this shit all the time… I mean… if it causes an annoying ass to leave you alone… where exactly is the down side….

But consider if the person – Let’s call him Scott… he goes to a group of folks at the party you are both attending and Scott tells them that you are standoffish, snobby, elitist, jerks… whatever… and someone asks Scott what you did to be called that… and he says…

“I asked them to play with me and they said no”.

Who in the world is going to think you are horrible because you were asked a question and said no….

Swinging is not an automatic guarantee that sex will occur no matter how much time and effort you put into the preliminary work… and putting someone on the spot for justifying your no tells others they don’t want to be asked by Scott to do anything… he looks bad not you….

Well as my husband mentioned several times… this is a long post… but you know what… I think it needed to be said in one post…

You do not have to respond to any emails you don’t want to – that is the same as a no response.

You do not have to have a reason for your no. It gets you into more trouble than if you just say no…

And in the Lifestyle… the rule is NO MEANS NO – NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

I didn’t make that rule up…. but you know what… I am going to stand behind it…

Hope your sexually social adventure is a good one!

Sophia

Taking One For The Team…..

I will be honest… I hate the saying Taking One For the Team and I don’t understand why that saying is ever used. If I am not interested in a person for whatever reason I know how to say not interested. Verbal and non-verbally. If I choose to have sex with someone I cannot see that I am taking one for the team as I made the choice.

Now granted, hubby and I do not have so many rules in our play time that makes this situation a common one… I mean, if I am not interested in the male half of a couple and hubby is very interested in the female half… he can play with them as a threesome… and if the other couple is on board with him and her playing together as we move on to other people… all the better…

But here is something else about me and my inability to understand taking one for the team… I do not always have sex with a person based on how they look. People to me are not trophies. I do not have to seek out the hottest person in the room to fuck them. Maybe it is a flaw in my personality, but I do not see how fucking a hot person makes me a better person overall. Not to say that I have not had some amazing sex with some amazingly hot people… but that has never been my end game.

While some state they are not looking for notches on their bedpost, I am not looking to amp up my trophy room.

I am looking for people who are interesting to me. Yes, if they are hot and interesting it is the best of both worlds… but I am more interested in those who are interesting… and interested in me.

So I go back to this premise for how to decide if a person is worthy of my time and affection while fucking swinger style…

I believe there is something about every person that makes them worthy of knowing. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Assholes and bitches hide in pretty and not so pretty packages. I have had some really awesome experiences with people who do not hit high on the attractive scale and some really shitty experiences with those who hit very high on the attractive scale. It is just something that you have to take on a case by case basis.

If I am not attracted to you by looks or by personality, then I say no. Hubby does the same thing… sometimes we are on the same page… and sometimes hubby makes that decision to move ahead for my benefit even though he wants to say no. Each time he has done that he has regretted the decision. He has also admitted that I gave him numerous chances to say no and I was good with whatever he decided. He made the decision to go ahead (this is one of those rare hot with not situations where the guy is way hotter and nicer than the gal…. rare but true)… he would then regret it and bitch about it… and I tell him he had the chance to say no and I would have gone along with the no…. so shut the fuck up now…. lol.

So I do not understand the Taking One For The Team mentality. And I will be honest. While hubby used that phrase a few times after the fact… he still had the choice to say no.

I think there is another side of this phrase that bears discussion. Those who randomly shout out “I won’t take one for the team!” They use those words as a weapon of insult to people they do not really even know… just a blanket statement that when shouted out in random context is rather ridiculous as everyone wonders, “is she/he talking about me?” Then those same people go and look at your profile and pictures and think…. ‘What the FUCK… who is this loser/hideous bitch that they think he/she is hotter than me?” Most of the time, the loser/hideous bitch is of the same level or lesser then those they emphatically state their position.

Many of the people who use that phrase I wonder if they have ever looked at themselves. I am not talking solely looks… but their attitude. Do they really think they are that much of a prize that they can insult others in such a way?

Obviously they do… or they wouldn’t do it… It is just a shame that they will insult others to feel better about themselves. I have been told I am pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, hot, and so on and so forth… I love the compliments I get… however, I am always aware that I have flaws and many of these people are saying this want to get into my pants and/or have just gotten in my pants… so I take it into context and think if there is a bit of truth to the statement if sex wasn’t involved I am doing pretty good.

I have been told that my beauty is both inside and out. That who I am as a person is far more beautiful than my eyes, smile, dimple, ass, or whatever body part they are enjoying… I think that is a great compliment and certainly one that I can carry with me throughout my days… that someone thinks I am beautiful inside and out…

I have also heard men and women ask me why I chose them. I swear that breaks my heart each time I hear those words come out of their mouths. Why wouldn’t I chose you? I have to see something very special in you to choose you. I have been thanked by people for choosing them… ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?????

I know that may sound angry that ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS????? and well I am a bit angry coupled with disbelief. I am angry that someone thought so highly of themselves to destroy your view on yourself… that you are not worthy of someone’s time or attention or affection… that for whatever reason you are not sexy, interesting, or hot enough for them…

I have seen people who would state that very statement in front of the people involved “I’m not taking one for the team” and seen the crushed look on their faces… who the hell wants to be told that to be with them even to get to know them as people when sex is not even a guarantee… that they are so hideous that they don’t even deserve the smallest amount of respect. All it would take is, ‘sorry, I am not interested.’ That is much easier to handle than you are so revolting I am going to insult you by saying I won’t take one for the team.

But speaking of the ones who say that phrase often… I am sorry to say… most of them are not hot enough to say that phrase. Often we look at them and wonder why they think they are so much better than those they turn down so rudely. We have looked at them and saw their face and body less than desirable… but we give people the benefit of the doubt that their personality will make them more attractive to us… until these less than ‘beautiful’ people utter those ridiculous words…

What does taking one  for the team really mean?

The urban dictionary gives us this example…..

Take One For The Team

“An act where one brave soul in your group of males friends hits on the Nottie of the group of hotties so his friends can get their slide on later on that night. Taking one for the team usually involves just talking to the nottie and laughing at her jokes and complimenting her (horrid) appearance, but it may be necessary to appease the nottie by getting your wacka wacka on with her… back at her place of course, so your roommates never see her.”

Gotta ask you all who use the phrase “taking one for the team” are you really that much of an asshole or bitch to tell others that you feel that so many are horribly beneath you in such a rude manner?

Cause that is how you are coming across to others…

And all this could be avoided by simply saying ‘sorry, I am not interested.’ No reason, no excuse, no lie needed. You are not obligated to give a reason, just your answer….

Hope you are having a wonderful sexually social adventure…

Sophia

Do You Woo? Part Four

(Little note… I started writing this 5 days ago. I saved it to post later… and in the meantime I had several conversations with others on this topic/series… and a number of interesting comments were made. All the additions will be added in ( ) so you know what was the original and what is their contribution.)

This is the last installment of Do you woo? And this post talks about Who Woos First? But I will be posting a post of links and ideas of how to woo… I have been asked by a number of folks to give them some ideas of what is wooing…

I think this is a great question… but it is not an easy question to answer as we find that many people have trouble wooing.

Seriously, so many people have trouble wooing on their sexually social adventures because they do not know what to do to woo and what will be accepted by their spouse and the spouse of the person who you want to woo… and in this case… woo means fuck.

(One person was not sure if they wooed or wooed enough. Now, this is an interesting point that goes with what I just wrote… not knowing what to do to woo… What is wooing with one person may not be with another person… a couple we were talking to mentioned that the wooing you do with your spouse in the beginning is not like the wooing you do with the people you want to have swinger sex with… that what most have before sex is a “TEXT” relationship not a real relationship. That is very true… it is not the same level of relationship between the partners (spouses) and the swinger partners for a brief time. This can bring such a level of confusion if the last time you wooed anyone was when you had ‘obtained’ your spouse and you have no happy medium to focus on for your sexually social adventure of wooing. Do you go all in or just phone it in or???? )

I must say that I am always entertained when the idea of wanting to have sex with others makes people freeze… like they are horrible people if they choose to state they want to have sex. And even more state they want to have sex with you…. or other strangers – just made friends… (some will pull back from their previous wooing practices if they feel their spouse is uncomfortable with it but fail to tell the person they are wooing why… and that leads to confusion on the ‘direction of the sexually social adventure… some will wonder if they are no longer interested. Communication is so important here… and most understand when a spouse is uncomfortable… but simply wish they were told why the wooing stopped instead of wondering if it was something that they did.)

I was having a conversation with a few people on this topic over the last week or so… and many of them have the same opinion as me… gosh do I like it when that happens… but back to the point… they have the same opinion as I do about wooing and the need to be wooed. And the need to return the woo…

When talking with men and women about this subject, many men talk about taking the first step to let the woman know they are wooing them… I know that is the typical manner in which this happens… but is it the only way?

Well, in the world of sexually social lifestyles where people are very open… (hmm, I had to clear my thought on that thought… because you know we aren’t really a very open minded group of people, not really)… we often wonder if a woman being too forward is acceptable… and if she woos?

Hmm, maybe it is not the fact that she woos but the manner in which she woos…

And the same can be said for the man… is it how he woos that causes concern or opens up all kinds of doors?

Have any of you wondered how you go about wooing another woman in a manner that the husband and your wife doesn’t get upset with? And what about when the spouses do not woo each other… what happens then?

You see, wooing is a bit complicated even if you figure out you woo, need woo, and find someone who likes to woo too…

Sometimes wooing causes a bit of problems with the other couple… if one likes to woo and the other doesn’t… if one is more secure and the other less so… if one’s philosophy is to woo and the other to have sporting fucking only…

So who woos first?

I guess in my opinion… before wooing can happen… one must get ‘permission’ from their spouse to woo.

Now the use of permission is done on purpose to see if it riles anyone up… yes, some people do need their spouses permission to proceed with their sexually social adventure their way… some do not like to have their spouse permission to do some of the things they do and well that does cause a few problems along the way.

I know that most people are not like me and my hubby. I want him to woo another woman if that is what he wants to do… I want him to have as much fun as possible on this adventure and to make it his own. I want him to see the fun he can have when a woman is wooed and want him. To feel the passion that stems from this type of sex… and yes, it is okay to show passion and to have some emotional connection when having sex. I think it is necessary to have passion and emotional connections if you want more than strange sex and once and done sex… (on chat I asked the men if they woo and if they woo with their wife’s knowledge or permission… and they said yes… one I knew the answer for and the other was a new person I never chatted with… but they said their wives love watching them woo… assisting in their wooing… and the wives loving wooing…)

As opposed to those who expressed another chat forum about their concerns… (Concerns about how deep those connections gets is a legit one, but how much fun can sex be if you don’t have a connection of some degree and by connection you can also use chemistry… but how is chemistry developed without…. YOU GUESSED IT…. WOOING…. )

I have enjoyed strange sex and I have enjoyed once and done sex. I like both of those options. However, I really like the wooing that happens more often than the other options. I must say I really hate the issues that happen when one party woos with me and they have not discussed their need for wooing with their spouse and their spouse gets very upset… Hubby and I have seen all sorts of reactions to the wooing, want, and need that develops and the spouse is not happy with it… and it isn’t like the spouse doesn’t have the same options to woo others… they just don’t want to woo or they expect the other people to woo them without reciprocal wooing…

That always gets me… when women who act a certain way expect everyone to want to woo them but do not do anything to encourage the wooing and then are upset by the fact that no one wooed them AND that another woman responded to their spouses wooing.

And the women who act a certain way… here is what that means… women who act like they are so much better than everyone else… yet… and not to be mean here… but they are not BEAUTIFUL women… with MODEL PERFECT bodies… APPROACHABLE… FRIENDLY… or INTERESTING… but they just feel that because they are swingers and have boobs and a pussy they should have men falling over them constantly…

Those women drive me crazy and they drive others crazy and not in a sexual frenzy type of crazy. They act entitled… entitled to everyone’s attention. Usually everyone has noticed them and made an effort to stay away… except for those really drunk men who about 1 am will go after anyone in their path… They act like they are ‘taking one for the team’ if they just talk to someone… and the someone may just want to talk to them and not actually want to have sex with them… but they act rude to them… like being nice is such a hardship… I can go on with more examples… but usually these women will then say something rather rude to the men and women who took pity on them and tried to talk to them… for the sake of including them in the group… like… I am not interested in you… Totally ignoring the fact that the people talking to them were doing ‘minimum flirting’ and nothing more than being ‘friendly’. Yeah, guess you could call it a pity chat…

I have talked with some of these women in the lines for the bathroom or making general conversation as I have a ‘problem’ talking to people who look left out… The conversations I have had with them are AMAZING… they seem unable to see that they have made the problem happen themselves… and complaining about it after causing it seems so… self – destructive…

These women make it impossible to talk to them, flirt with them, or woo them because they are so unlovable or maybe I should say unlikable… Then they call the women who are being wooed by their husbands WHORES….

Seriously do not get this… you are upset that your husband is choosing to get his game on… wooing the girls… doing a great job at it… and you are cock blocking him… and yourself if you want to be honest… and then call the women who are enjoying their sexually social adventure a whore… why are you calling yourself a swinger????

(Yesterday on a forum we participate in… a woman got on two different forums pissed at her husband… (DRAMA ANYONE).. she was upset that she had to watch her husband begin to kiss passionately with this woman he wooed and wooed him back… She was upset that she had to spend time with the other spouse who she did not have any real connection with… and she was upset that her husband kissed this woman passionately despite the fact that HE KNOWS HE IS NOT TO DO THAT! Well, ain’t that interesting… there are quite a few problems there and it may become a post all its own… but the biggest problem was… her husband wooed another woman and wanted to explore the sexual chemistry that built between him and this other woman… and so did the other woman.. and the two spouses didn’t woo… didn’t do anything to build chemistry… and felt left out… she felt upset and hurt and she didn’t really make a good impression to anyone in that venue… or on the forums where she blasted her husband for enjoying his sexually social adventure…

And why is that… they didn’t communicate… obviously about many things, but mostly about ‘is it okay to woo and build chemistry… Is it okay to want another woman a lot… and to let her know I want her?

They also need to communicate with each other the definition of sexually social or swinging… and that means – I want to find others I am attracted too and want to fuck and I want to be passionate about fucking them… I want to uphold my reputation for being good at this, that and the other things… I want her to want me to fuck her again and again… I want her to want me as much as I want her…

It does not mean I love you less. It does not mean that I will leave you for anyone else…

It means I simply want to enjoy this sexually social adventure without regrets…

Hope you all have a woo-derful sexually social adventure…

Sophia