Monthly Archives: February 2016

How Real Are You?

On a site we are on, a few changes happened and I started a thread on the forum. My statement was simple. What do you feel about the changes? I left it pretty much to stand on its own… just wondered what they thought…

I only posted once. I didn’t give my opinion. I just mentioned a thank you to the admin for updating us with the reason for the changes.

The changes had to do with validations. I don’t know how I feel about the changes. We haven’t put much stock in the validation process before this uproar… I don’t think I put much stock in the validation process now.

I noticed that so many people were begging publicly and privately for validations. It has become an obsession. While no one writes the bad stuff they encounter with the folks they met… you have to wonder how valid they are…

Will anyone really say… “I was about to get naked with him, but I felt his hard cock through his pants and I was not impressed.”

“These folks are super nice. She is sexy. Until you realize her boobs are fake and hard.”

“I wanted him, she wanted hubby… all was good until they opened their mouths about all the others they fucked… I am sorry, way too many people.”

“They are real… a real ass and bitch… stay away from them.”

“He is awesome at foreplay… to bad that is all…”

“They are fun until they get naked… when the clothes came off, the drama came out”

All you are going to find out about the people is the good stuff people will write because… they want a validation back, they want to appear ‘no drama’, or it seems like everyone else likes them… so I don’t want to be the only one to say… they are weird as shit…

How real are you?

Do you really show your true self while on a first date? At a meet and greet? A house party? A club?

Most people show the good side of them… and if you are just at a meet and greet and you are not really playing with anyone… will your jealousy come out… your insecurities… your whatever negatives you have?

And we all have negatives… whether it is not enjoying being around stupid people… a sarcastic nature… we all have something… and we do our very best to keep those hidden… but how many times have you seen someone really let themselves get comfortable (HAHA) and show some of that damned drama…

I know that you want to be careful and only meet up with ‘real’ people… but I ask you… how real are you when they meet you?  Doesn’t that affect how you are to others who claim they met you if you are not who you really are?

I think I know the solution to this issue.

Don’t worry about validations, certifications, raves, or whatever else they are called… go out and meet folks…

Take a risk and go to the events held near you and meet some folks. Email them on the sites and make arrangements to meet up… in a public place.. where you can walk out if they are not who they say they are… don’t rely solely on pictures and words on a profile… don’t rely solely on the words of others – who will only write good things – often in hopes of getting a note of nice things in return.

Meet people… make connections your own way to see who will fit in best with you and your adventure…

Hope you enjoy your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

 

All You Need… All You Want… Hmm…

I made a statement on a forum thread about how much lying goes on in the profiles we read on swinger sites… Here is what I wrote… and I stand behind all of it…

“I think every profile has a bit of untruth to it… whether it is unintentional or intentional… I think every profile has a bit of untruth… Sometimes it is misleading facts, failure to admit things, or just your perception about you and your spouse is tainted by the hopes of looking good in the profile… or you copied and pasted someone else’s profile and didn’t realize what it said fully… 🙂

It could be as simple as choosing to use 69 as your age… or ‘prefer not to say’ or to declare that you are funny as shit… and you are not funny at all… you and your spouse are hot when few people would agree, or you are highly educated and your profile looks like it is written by a 6th grader… or to say that you do not play separately but you secretly want to hall pass because there is so much you want to do that your spouse won’t let you do… or you forgot to update something you wanted to do after you did it, or you were curious and now you are not… or you found out that bald guys just aren’t your thing and you forgot to list that… or just not answering half the questions about you and your spouse…  and the list goes on…

It cracks me up when people loudly declare they have a perfect marriage and their spouse is everything they need… yet, they are looking to have sex with others for variety… for a little something extra… for whatever reason… and fail to see that their statement was not quite truthful.

I can tell you all that our ages haven’t been updated… I was going to update it on my birthday last March… but never did… just never thought about it… around hubbies birthday a few months later I was going to update both our birthdays… didn’t… then I got really, really sick and ‘what profile needs updating and why?’ Told myself that this March I will update my birthday… does a year matter? Over the big scheme of things… no. My son’s female roommate has a hard time believing I am as old as I am… and she is 29… she thinks I look maybe 10 years older than she does… Hell, I will take that… but that isn’t why I haven’t updated my profile age… When I think about it I am using my phone… when I am on the computer and on our profile I am usually on chat or in the forums… not really caring about updating my age…

Whether you fail to admit your birthday (Month and Day), your age, weight, or write a glorious statement of how perfect you are when you are a horrible bitch… I really think there is a bit of untruth in each profile.. intentional or unintentional

Now if the site would ask your birthdate when you open a profile… and update it automatically every year… then I could say our profile is 100% truthful every moment of every day…

Just kidding…

I am sure I will find something that needs updating again… and failure to update makes the profile… untruthful to some degree…

Just my thoughts…

Sophia

And to those who firmly believe their profile is 100% truthful… obviously I wasn’t talking about you! :)”

There was a response to my post… specifically “It cracks me up when people loudly declare they have a perfect marriage and their spouse is everything they need… yet, they are looking to have sex with others for variety… for a little something extra… for whatever reason… and fail to see that their statement was not quite truthful.”

They claim that their spouse is all they need and swinging gives them what they want.

I stand behind what I wrote and here is why… without being too ‘religious’ about it… but there is much evidence in sciences and many religions believe that if one has all that one needs one is content or should have the ability to be content if they so choose. To have all you need you want for nothing…

Here is the thing… if your spouse is all you need… then all you need is taken care of by them… that includes all their sexual needs… if that is the case then why does one want to swing… want to connect sexually with other men and women?

Because their needs are not simply met by their spouse…

Here is something you must understand… your spouse cannot meet all of your needs… NO ONE PERSON CAN…

If we go to the religious side of it… all the major religions have a message that only their deity can provide the path to obtaining all you need through them… and then you as the seeker is content and want for nothing…

Here in the swinging portion of life… to swing is to embrace non-monogamy. Non-monogamy’s very essence is that one steady sexual partner is not enough for you… you have a NEED/DESIRE/WANT to have more than one partner… with or without your partner’s consent and participation.

I use the NEED/DESIRE/WANT together because many people confuse those three words… In a relationship needs and wants are interchangeable. When you begin a relationship you start out in deep want… you want this person… their time, their minds, their bodies, their everything… YOU WANT…

As your relationship grows… you need that person. You need what they bring you on a daily basis… you need them in your life. And when they leave you for whatever reason – breakup or death… you feel the loss and need to grieve the loss because what you felt was real… and the separation painful.

But people live past those break ups and deaths because while they felt the other person met all their needs, they didn’t. Why do I say this? Because people survive break ups and deaths of spouses.

They survive because while a person you love meets a good number of their needs they do not meet them all.

Why do I believe this?

Let me count the ways….

A married couple gets a dog, cat, snake, turtle, fish tank…. because they feel there is something missing between them to make them whole…

A married couple (or other committed couple) wants children… this will make them a family… they feel a need to have children…

A mother needs a mom’s day out… a mom needs to have conversations with other mom’s, their long lost friends, co-workers… etc… they need adult time away from children and often with other women…

A father needs to have some guy time… golf, baseball, basketball, whatever it is… they need guy time…

A female of a married and childless couple needs a GIRLS NIGHT… where they spend time with other girls for fun…

A guy needs their man cave time…

One or both of them goes to work and while work is a pain to many… they enjoy being able to get out and receive some attention for the work they do… show their intelligence, skills, and talents to others who appreciate them and reward them with their salaries and ‘perks’…

Both members of the marriage go to work, social activities (non-swinging ones at this point) and develop friendships with others that the spouse does not have a direct relationship with… a work wife, a work husband, a work BFF…

Both may go out to lunch with coworkers and drinks after work where their spouses are not invited…

All of these activities indicate a need to have other people in your life to meet the needs your mind, body, and soul… well… needs…

The human mind, body and soul is not made to be alone. It is also not made to be with just one person to meet all of their needs… If it were… we would not be here… we would not have a need to create little versions of him and her… we would not have the need to work in a collective manner… we would not have a need to seek higher education and a decent paying position… we would be content to have just what we need to survive and nothing else…

But our minds, bodies, and souls seek pleasure… seek attention… seek acceptance… seek community.

Whether what we seek is based on good or bad wants/needs/desires is an argument for those religiously minded… and this is not the forum for that… but we want more because our needs are not met… (this is where our baggage comes into play… those deep seeded needs that are never met because of our ‘baggage’)

I want to have folks to chat with because my husband sucks at meeting that need… whether I seek that need to communicate with others in a sexual or nonsexual manner… my need to communicate with others is not met by hubby alone…

This is not a rip on hubby… it is him being different from me and in that difference I seek others to fill that need.

To say that you have all you need in your spouse is a delusional thought… If you have all your needs met by that one person you would be content and you would not want for anything… anything new, anything different, anything exciting that comes from meeting new and sexy people to fuck.

Having this need is not a bad thing… to need more than one person to fill this need is not a bad thing…

To lie to yourself and others about this delusion that one person is all you need to meet your needs… that is a real shame… a real shame to you and your spouse and to all those you tell this lie too…

Admit the truth of the matter… if you really had all you need in the one person you are committed to as a spouse or partner… you will not need/want to have anyone else to fuck because all your wants are gone as a truly content person you have all you need and no reason to want more…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

P.S. A pic I found a few days ago that fit so very well here…

401851_426098330745229_1040116460_n

 

Is The Lifestyle All Sunshine and Rainbows?

Some interesting opinions about swinging and the benefit of only positive comments and such overall… and how horrible the negative stories and comments are in the lifestyle. I about died when I read this theory yet again… Seriously… do they think only happy sunshine and rainbow comments will make the lifestyle better…

Obviously they do… obviously they feel they are going to be able to make swinging more acceptable if the positives are illuminated and the negatives buried.

I disagree whole heartedly… how many times do we hear and know this to be true… to make a mistake is the greatest learning tool… to have some challenges makes one better… it takes fucking rain to make the damn rainbow….

Here is what I wrote on the forums… I think it is a great theory or opinion to share here…

“Sex and ‘relationships’ are always difficult to manuever through. To have sex with your spouse/SO and then with strangers (even if you are friends) adds and brings out so many things… some good and some bad.

There are a number of positive threads in the great lands of the forum… and many have a lot of posts and responses… but you must understand the laziness of people… People do not want to search for a post… they will likely choose one of the three following behaviors… find a thread on the top of the list that fits… (Share/Vent was started for this very reason), they will start their own thread… leaving the previously written threads about the same topic hidden in the great lands of the forum. But that laziness of people is great and a good number won’t bother looking too hard for a positive thread or don’t want to start a thread… they just wanted to write something good dang it and gave up… and never posted the good news. I took the third option the other day… On Monday I found out that after having pancreatitis and having to go on insulin as a result… I was taken off the insulin… after 5 months of it… instead of the 6 or more months or lifetime it could have been. Here is the pathetic part of that statement… I could have written that on Tell Me Something Good II which I started… and I was too lazy to search and write it out….

Another bit about people… they will not remember as easily the good things that they experienced as much as the bad things they experienced. The good things make them feel good for a time yes… but there is a part of people that often sees that as ‘how things should be’ – someone paying them a compliment, someone doing something ‘nice’ for them, etc…

When a person has a bad experience they wonder what is it about them that caused that to happen to them… failing to see that it may not be them that it was directed too but that the other person was just lashing out and they happen to be on the receiving end of the negative experience.

Often the comment wasn’t even directed to the person offended… but the person who was offended took the insult or injury upon him or herself and made it ‘all about them’.

This is common… people often believe “if I write something on the forums and someone takes offense at what I wrote… it is about me…”

But not really… it is how the person receives what they wrote… and how the original poster receives the offended person’s reaction and it is a cycle that can continue endlessly. And the issue isn’t even between those two people… it is between the original poster and their ‘issue person’ and the receiver and their ‘issue person’ and not between the two hashing it out in the forums… but there are always exceptions to the rule when it is about the two hashing it out in the forums… but even then the issues go deeper and it is about each of them individually and this was just a trigger…. Complicated I know… but that is how life is… complicated.

When you add the sex component to the mix… everyone thinking they are ‘all that’ and then someone rejects them publicly or privately… they want assurances they are not ‘that bad’ that someone wants them, finds them attractive or worth another person’s attention…

So a thread starts or a post is put on an established thread that seems like it is horribly negative.

I don’t see every ‘negative’ thread or post as bad. I have said this before… great change can come from a disagreement on the forums. As others have said, life is full of good and bad. To only address the good hides away the truth of the bad…

People do drug others unknowingly at lifestyle events. To ignore this very thing is dangerous to everyone… if a newbie comes on and has no idea that someone may drug them… they fail to take precautions… the negative thread has a GREAT purpose.

We have discussed that and other men and women being too aggressive and ‘attacking’ a woman when her husband/SO is going to the restroom… and other negative things that needed to be said… to warn others, just because you are a swinger and want sex doesn’t mean others will respect you and your right to decide who you have sex with…

To argue with someone in the forums about an opinion or topic – not name calling and other BS like that… but to argue the topic is GOOD. Even if the perception it is bad… it is good. It shows that people can disagree… There can be more opinions than just the one originally presented.

Yet most of the heated discussions quickly go to name calling and attacking… and that is sad… the topic under discussion that causes a difference of opinion was good… the attacking bad…

No two people, not even in a couple so deeply in love will agree 100% with each other on all topics. You can argue with a loved one and still love them. You can argue with another swinger and not have a life long hatred… that is if you argue the topic and not attack the person… Sometimes, the ‘heated discussions’ about differences of opinion are more like foreplay than an argument… some awesome sex can come when you feel comfortable with the person to disagree and the chemistry that results is incredible…

What I find very annoying is when someone mistakes judgmental words and behaviors and making a judgment call based on facts… To put everyone into a category and deemed them ‘unworthy’ because of your perception and go on the forums and blast them for what you perceive them as… is being judgmental. To personally decide after ‘vetting’ a potential couple that their behaviors and or words are not in line with what you are comfortable is making a judgment call.

Most likely, you will not run into the majority of people you put into a judgmental category but you come across to others as an asshole for being judgmental.

Oddly enough… most of those judgemental statements make a huge stir in the great land of forums… hmmm

I find a number of “Positive” comments, posts, and threads with judgmental statements… someone making a judgment on a limited number of facts, adding the masses who disagree with that judgmental statement as horrible people… yet, many do not find their judgmental statement to be offensive… in fact they feel like they are in the right and cannot understand why someone disagreed with them… and then go off to another thread and complain about the ‘offense’ against them… failing to see their judgmental statement in a ‘positive’ thread….

Which support my statements above…

Both positive and negative threads have relevance to the forums. Even if it feels like every one concentrates on the the negatives, they do not… I remember posting on a thread about a person who is going through cancer right now… Cancer is a negative… she received a lot of positive support from those who posted. Someone going through a difficult time and posting about it can be seen as negative… but what they are asking for is for someone to care and see them as human. A real authentic human. Or they just needed to vent about it… and often after venting they get over it… Again, the purpose of the share/vent thread…

A very wise woman told me on another site where we met… “You can find out a lot about a person you do not always see in communication when trying to fuck by how they handle negative situations in the lifestyle. The forums give you all kinds of positive and negative examples to base your decision on… be smart and read the forums objectively, don’t take anything personal. If it does touch a nerve, get off the forums and ask yourself why that touched a nerve. Then fix it!” She also gave great advice about MFM… we followed that too and had a blast… each time…

Just my opinion for what it is worth… but I must say, I did take a lot of lesson I learned in my 3 years in the LS and on the forums and wrote about them in this post… both positive and negative… I could list a number of profile names of folks that I learned these lessons from… some I get along with… some I don’t… but all I respect.”

Hope you are enjoying your sunshine, rain, and rainbows during your adventure..

Sophia

How Do You Flirt?

I ran across this yesterday and thought I would add it to the blog… it is cut and pasted from the original article… authors name included…

I am curious how accurate is it for you… I am in the cusp of Pisces and Aries… I fit into some of both signs… what about you?

Sophia

How You Flirt, According To Your Zodiac Sign
February 6, 2016
By Christine Schoenwald

For some people, flirting comes as easily as breathing. Then there are those who are such terrible flirters that it’s painful to watch them.

Astrology has a lot to do with our personal characteristics, and can influence whether you’re a player or a flirting failure.

Is your idea of flirting to giggle like a fool, or is it giving the object of your affection a half-smile as you touch your own hair? Whatever your flirting style is, knowing what your zodiac sign has to say about your style can help you find the best way to get your flirt on (and which of the other signs are the most responsive to your kind of flirting).

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’re assertive and bold with your flirting. You have no problem picking the hottest guy in the club and buying him a drink. People are attracted to your confidence and find you sexy. Libras, Capricorns and other Aries are the best signs for you to hookup with, but for long-term relationships go for a Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius or Aquarius, since Scorpios will find your flirting style too in-your-face.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’re so sweet, your flirting style is like an old-fashioned Rom-Com. You prefer if someone comes on to you. You’re also very sensual and have your signature move of lightly touching the palm. If you’re looking for a casual encounter, Scorpio, Aries or Virgos for you. If you want a more lasting relationship, go for a Capricorn, Libra or Gemini.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your way with words is a seduction all to itself, and you use those powers to flirt in a very communicative manner, which may include wit or body language. You can get bored and run very hot and cold, but it works for you because you’re also somewhat of a tease. If you just want to Netflix and chill then Leos, Virgos and Scorpios will be receptive. If you’re looking for someone to be in a relationship with, you need to find a Libra, Aries or Aquarius.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your flirting style is very captivating on one hand and very nurturing on the other. You’re genuinely interested in having people tell you about their horrible breakup or how crappy their day was. You aren’t trying to flirt per se, but it makes you kind of irresistible as you connect with others on a very emotional level.

If you want to turn your bitch session into more of a sex session, look to Leo, Pisces or Capricorn. But let’s be honest, you’re not really that interested in a booty call. You want a life-long partner. You’ll be more likely to find it with a Taurus, Virgo or Pisces.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Stroking the ego isn’t a one-way transaction for you. You want to get praise and attention as much as you want to give it. You’ve got a whole bag of flirting moves — everything from very focused eye contact, smiling, and charisma. You’ve got sexy down to a science.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’re the Ruler of Mixed Messages. One minute you’re reserved and standoffish, and the next you’re giving off a strong sex vibe. You don’t let random people enter your exclusive circle of admirers. You use your intelligence, sexuality and a lot of tilting of the head with partially closed eyes to flirt.

You’re not one for a Craigslist hookup, and if it’s casual sex you’re looking for you’ll usually get it with someone you know who’s a Gemini, Scorpio or Aquarius. When you’re at that point where you want a relationship that will go the distance, the type of person you should seek will be a Taurus, Cancer, Capricorn, or a fellow perfectionist Virgo like yourself.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your sign is ruled by Venus so you know a little bit about flirting, love, and romantic gestures. You’re a natural born flirt and use your flirting tricks such as your charm, charisma, and beauty. Since you don’t want anyone to feel bad or have any conflict, you flirt with just about everybody.

If you’re looking for no-stings-attached fun, then go for a Taurus, another Libra, or an Aries. If you’re ready to settle down, you’ll find that the most suitable partner will be a Gemini, Leo or Aquarius.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’re the Master of Flirting with your intense sexuality, sensitivity, and suggestive naughtiness. You enjoy flirting so much that there doesn’t even need to be an endgame; it’s just fun to give someone a sultry glance, a sexy smile, and a seductive touch. If you want to give someone the one-night-stand of a lifetime, choose a Taurus, Sagittarius or Aries. When you’re looking for a significant other, then a Pisces, Cancer or a Capricorn will fit the bill.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You love adventure, change, and have a fun, flirty style. You’re always ready to tell a fascinating, provocative, and spectacular story, and your sense of fun is contagious and attractive. You have a talent for teasing but will deliver with some spontaneous yet sensual touching. Since you’re always ready to pick up and go, you can be a little emotionally detached sometimes, leaving the objects of your flirtation confused and hurt.

If you want to burn off some sexual tension, then another Sagittarius or a Scorpio would be your best partner. If you truly think you can make an emotional commitment and mean it, then find a Libra, Gemini or Leo.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You have a very sincere and straightforward flirting style. You’re very real, but sometimes a little reserved. You make people want to find out what’s behind your calm, cool, and collected facade. You won’t flirt with anyone you don’t find interesting, and when you do flirt you’ll stroke your hair or lightly touch your own body, as if to say that you’re totally ready.

If you want something casual then find an Aries, Cancer or Libra. For a relationship that can build, you’ll want to find a partner that’s a Taurus, Scorpio or Virgo.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You love to flirt because it shows how charismatic you are. You don’t need to be one-on-one to flirt; you can flirt with an entire group with your brilliance, wicked sense of humor, and passion. You like to surprise people and keep them off-guard with your flirting.

If you’re feeling like having a casual encounter, then find yourself a Scorpio, Pisces or Leo. If you find yourself ready for a long-term commitment, then a Gemini, Libra or Sagittarius is best.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

When it comes to flirting, it’s difficult to know where the fantasy ends and the real you begins. You’re often shy, so trying on a different persona to flirt works for you. Even if you don’t say one word, people notice and gravitate to you. You’re like some kind of magical magnet: mysterious, sensual, and sensitive.

If you want something casual, go for a Taurus, Libra or Aquarius. For someone compatible that will join you in your mystical travels for eternity, you’ll find your cosmic cohort in a Cancer, Scorpio or Capricorn.

Hope you are flirting the hell out of your sexually social adventure…

Sophia