Monthly Archives: February 2017

Wait Until Closing… Part 3

He left his office first… I picked up my panties and placed them in his top desk drawer. Since he already fucked me, no sense giving him my panties. I figured he could come and get them. I would let him know they were in there… I took a picture of my panties in the drawer and sent it to him in a text… then I took a picture of my ass and pussy as I bent over his desk… I sent the picture to him… again in a text. I walked out of his office and back into the bar and saw him look at his phone… he looked over at me and smiled… one of those ‘you are so going to get it’ smiles… you know the sexy kind… the kind that makes my pussy quiver in excitement.

I walked to the register and printed out my tickets and started handing them out to my tables. I would bend over just enough to give a hint of no panties… but not enough for anyone to see my pussy. The last hour was killing me and I really hoped it was killing him.

My friend came over to me and asked what the hell happened in the office… she heard the noise and saw the door bang shut a few times. I told her ‘he fucked me a few times… pounded my pussy hard’.

It was my turn to close and I couldn’t wait. The last few customers were leaving and I let out a huge sigh… finally. I will let you know what… I wanted to rush everyone out.

One by one the staff left after they finished their closing tasks. My friend was the last to leave… she begged me to let her stay so she can watch… what a freak. I am more of a freak because I was tempted… nothing like an audience to turn the freak in me on a bit more.

Finally everyone was gone except for us… my boss and me… I walked to the front door and made sure it was locked and then crawled into the booth by the front door on my knees to close the blinds. I didn’t hear him walk up behind me… however, I did feel him slide his hand between my legs…

I couldn’t help it… I let out a moan and spread my legs further apart. He bent down behind me and licked my dripping pussy… I went down on my hands and arched my back and hips so he could get a much better view and access of my pussy. I rocked back against his mouth as he licked my pussy… he placed his hands on my hips so he could follow the rhythm of my hips…

He was so good… his tongue was reeking havoc on my pussy… he would swirl around my clit and lick up the juices flowing my warm center. It didn’t take long for me to cum and I screamed out his name… I wanted him so much… I wanted him to know how much I loved what he was doing to me.

After I settled down from that orgasm, I took a deep breath and nearly came again when he started licking my ass. I had never had a guy lick me there and I am not sure why not. It felt incredible… he rimmed my ass a few times before he inserted his tongue in my ass… my pussy was dripping juices down my leg and reached between my legs with one hand and rubbed my clit. I couldn’t help it… I was so close to another orgasm and I wanted to cum again.

He slipped a finger in my pussy while fucking my ass with his tongue.  With his fingers in my pussy, his tongue in my ass and my fingers on my clit… I was cumming again hard in no time… My head was mashed into the side of the booth… fucking my hips against his fingers and tongue… suddenly I was gushing a great deal of fluid down my legs…

My boss moaned out his pleasure at how my body was responding to him… I was exhausted and so fucking turned on…

He grabbed my hips and slid me out of the booth, careful to avoid the wetness I caused… He placed me down on a chair while he went to get something to clean up the mess. I waited and watched this hot man walk away from me and back again. Damn his ass was hot.

After he cleaned up the booth, we both took a few minutes to actually clean up the bar… we did have to finish closing duties… we worked side by side talking about all kinds of things, none of which was what we had just done… I knew we weren’t done and somehow talking about regular non-sexual topics was quite a turn on… ignoring what we wanted and what we did made me want more.

I had just finished wiping down the bar sink when my boss walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel his hardness as he pressed against me… I turned in his arms and moved down his body until I was kneeling before him… I unzipped his pants and slid my hands inside and reached his cock… it was hard, warm, and the tip was wet with pre-cum… I licked the pearl and moaned against his head as he tastes so very good. He moaned his pleasure as I took his cock further in my mouth…

Muah Sophia

(Yes, I am getting turned on stopping this story at this point… I know what happens next… and I know you want more… guess you will have to wait until part 4)

 

 

 

Wait Until Closing… Part 2

I straightened my clothing and patted my hair, it wasn’t as if I could see what my hair looked like… I knew my lips would be swollen and slightly red from his stubble. I didn’t really care, just wasn’t sure what else to do at this moment.

He gave me another quick kiss and whispered in my ear, “I have wanted you since I first laid eyes on you. It was all I could do not to take you in my office during the interview.”

My legs became weak at that moment. At least I knew I wasn’t the only one feeling this, whatever this is.

I walked to the door and opened it. The other employees were getting ready for their shift and I slipped into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw what I knew I would see. I saw my face glowing, my lips swollen and redness every where he touched me with his mouth. I had stubble marks on my breasts, my neck, my mouth. I couldn’t help myself, I smiled. A lot.

I splashed some water on my face and took a paper towel and soaked it with cold water. I rung it out and placed it on top of my breasts. All it really did was made my nipples even harder.

I checked my hair and it had that ‘come fuck me’ look still and I thought, well that is the message I want to send my boss tonight.

I walked out of the bathroom and ran into my friend… She looked at me and knew. She also winked at me and asked ‘how much?’ I knew she was asking how much we did… that is our favorite phrase… I told her ‘just enough to get me wanting more’. I also told her, ‘he has wanted me from the beginning too’.

I walked away with a bit more sway in my hips. There is no better feeling for a girl than to know a guy wants her… a lot. It makes a girl feel sexier and a girl who feels that way is going to make others feel good too. I was a perfect example of this… perfect.

Throughout the night I had to interact with my boss, and boy was I looking forward to it. It was Saturday night and our busiest night, so he often helped tend bar. I made sure my drink orders went to him and we flirted, out and out flirted all night long. It was different than the flirting I was doing with my customers or the other employees. This was flirting with a purpose, flirting with a promise. And the purpose was to make him want me… the promise was he could have me.

He flirted back with me all night long. His suggestive phrases were such a turn on… I would look at him, hear his words, smell his cologne mixed his manly scent and nearly drown my panties… he would often tell me he could smell my sex. You know that just made my sex smell even better.

My customers, the regular ones noticed my boss flirting with me and the responses I gave him. They made jokes at my expense, but I did not mind. I did not care if everyone knew that my boss wanted to fuck me and fuck me good.

The night moved along quickly and as slow as molasses at the same time… it was about an hour from closing and I couldn’t wait. I placed a last drink order to him and when he handed the drinks over… he whispered to me “Take your panties off after you deliver these drinks. Bring your panties to me.”

I looked at him and couldn’t say one word. The idea of finishing out the night without panties was a huge thrill… even more so, that he would own my panties after I took them off.

I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to take them off and hand them to him without anyone seeing me. I delivered the drinks while I thought about what I would do. I figured out my plan.

I delivered the drinks. The drinks were for a group of guys that come in all the time and tip me well. We flirt constantly throughout the night and I decided that I would check and see if my boss was watching. He was… I leaned over a bit too far and knew he would be able to see my panties from under my skirt, yeah, it was that short.

I stood back up and ran my hand over the arm and shoulder of the cutest guy at the table… I reach over to get the empty glasses and my breasts were on his shoulder right next to his mouth… he turned his head slightly and yes, he did brush my breasts with his mouth… I looked over at my boss and he had a look of being turned on and a bit pissed…

I moved to the next guy and did the same thing… he of course saw what his buddy did and made sure he kissed my breasts too. All around the table… until the last guy… ass was again pointed directly at my boss and I bent over… he could see my panties… again, those panties he wants to own…  and he could see the guy, the one I started with… reach between my legs and run his finger along the center of my panties… I spread my legs just a little bit while the guy who I was resting my breasts next to his mouth… pulled my top down just a little bit more than he should and licked the soft pink of my nipple…

My pussy was being stroked over my panties and I knew my boss was watching… I knew he would have some type of reaction… my panties were soaked, my nipples were hard and all I could think of is if he was hard behind the bar…

I stood up… the guy rubbing my pussy brought his fingers that had caressed the wetness to his nose and took a long breath in… I reached down to kiss him on his cheek… and then turned and walked to the bar.

I felt my boss’s eyes on me the entire time… I did not look at him. I greeted and talked to my customers to make sure they had all they needed. I placed my tray down on the bar and said to my boss I will be back in a minute… I walked to his office… I was barely in the door of the office when he shut the door. He must have ran down that hallway.

He pushed me up against the door as I tried to pull my panties off… He kissed me with passion and power… and as my panties slid to the floor, he had his very hard cock out of his pants… he told me to turn around… I did willingly…

He spread my legs apart and ran his fingers across my very wet pussy… He slid a finger inside my pussy and whispered to me that he needs to fuck me now. I moaned out a ‘yes please’ and before the words were finished, he was fully inside my pussy.

He waited a moment after he entered me… just stood there still enjoying the tightness of my pussy… he whispered, ‘fuck you turn me on’… and then he pulled out of me and slammed back in me… ‘I can’t believe you let each one of those guys touch your breasts’ as he pulled out and slammed back in…

‘I loved seeing another guy touching your pussy’ again slamming into me hard. It felt so good.

The next thing I know he is pulling out of me and zipped up his pants… ‘wait until closing, you will be all mine.’

I shuddered thinking of what will come next… my pussy needed him to finish fucking me… how long till closing?

Muah Sophia

Part 3 will be coming very shortly…

Wait Until Closing…

Since my interview, when I shook his hand, I have been wanting him. Pure unadulterated want. I want him now. It really doesn’t matter he is my boss. When I felt his hand touch mine, I was hooked… I felt electricity… desire… need. I could not believe how much I wanted from him and could not have. He is my boss after all.

I went to work each day dressing for him. I put on my favorite fragrance that seems to be subtle yet alluring to men. I put my hair up for him in a messy pile that actually looked sexy and screamed for someone to take my hair down and put their hands in my curls while I went down on him.

Yet, each day… at work… he would hardly look at me. He would hardly talk to me. I was invisible to him.

I was sure he had felt the same electricity I did. But I must have been mistaken. Three weeks of trying to get him to notice me and I was done. I am tired of trying. I didn’t outwardly flirt with him. He is my boss you know. But I would find something to talk to him about each day, hoping to spark a lively conversation.

I flirted nonstop with the customers. That outwardly, everyone knows you are flirting for more tips type of flirting… only a few customers held out hope that I really meant my flirting… but every morning after the alcohol wore off, they knew it was just flirting for tips.

There were a few guys I wouldn’t mind taking home for a bit of fun, but you don’t want to mess up a good thing when working as a bartender and waitress. You need those tips.

So I spend my nights wanting my boss and flirting with guys I don’t want.

I decided tonight I would stop hiding and hoping and just flirt with him as I do with everyone else… what do I have to lose? He already showed me he isn’t into me. So why not have some fun flirting.

My friend also works at this bar and knows I want the boss. She wants the boss too. But she didn’t feel those sparks and knows I did. She saw my face when I touched him the first time at the interview. She referred me for a position and did the introduction. She swore that he noticed me as in noticed me as a hot piece of ass. But I have begun to even doubt that happening. I think she was just trying to make me feel good. She flirts with the boss every chance she gets and he flirts back with her.

Maybe that was it… I hadn’t flirted with him and he didn’t know I wanted him. Maybe he thought I didn’t want him or like him and he was acting cold because of me.

Well, I figure I have nothing left to lose. Might as well go full steam ahead and flirt with him. Tonight at work, I will. I will flirt with him like my customers and hopefully he will think I want him… I do… but he will think I want him and make a point to want me too. Even if it is one night stand, maybe it will be enough for me to get it out of my system. Who am I kidding? Not me. I know one night won’t be enough. But I am willing to try. I would rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

I dressed in a very tight black skirt and a black tank top. I used my favorite push up bra and then decided to take it off. I would go without a bra tonight. I am perky enough to be proud of where my breasts are located and they are just big enough to be a handful and small enough to be okay without a bra.

Men will notice. Women will hate it. I will love it. Hopefully so will my boss.

I arrive a few minutes earlier than usual for my shift. I need to take a few deep breaths and before my boss arrives. He generally takes an hour or two off in the early evening as he always opens for the noon crowd. I think if I can get here a few minutes before he comes back I can take a few deep breaths…

SHIT!

I was too busy thinking of taking  a few deep breaths that I actually ran into my boss. Straight chest to chest ran into my boss… My breasts pushed against his hard chest and I swear he knows I am not wearing a bra. He looks down at me… he is about six inches taller than me… and he can see the cleavage in the tight tank top, my hard nipples and the fact that I am not wearing a bra. He is still standing here staring at my chest. He hands are on my arms from when we ran into each other, him keeping me upright and not taking us both down.

He won’t stop staring at my chest. I can see him breathing kind of hard… his chest… man his chest feels good tight up against mine. He smells so damn nice. Fuck he smells great. I can’t believe I am standing here chest to chest and thinking about how great he smells.

He started moving his hands up and down my arms… my arms are pushed against my side and making my breasts squeeze up and out of my tank… I just heard his breath catch. OMG what is he doing? What am I doing?

“Fuck you are beautiful” he whispered.

Did I just hear that? His hands are caressing my arms… his eyes on my face. I looked up and saw something I hadn’t seen in his eyes before… passion. And I swear it was directed to me.

He let go of my arms and took my hand and led me to his office. He closed the door as soon as we were booth inside the room. He turned to me and put his hands on the sides of my face and kissed me. It was not one of those soft, sweet, tender kisses. This was a kiss that said he wanted me and wanted me right now. I looked at him a moment and then I returned the kiss with all the passion I had within me.

My hands were around his waist and I felt the strength of his back. I pushed myself up closer against him and could feel his desire pressing tightly against his pants. One of his hands cupped against my breast, rubbing a finger across my nipple. He made me shiver with need from just his kiss and the slightest touch.

I felt him move his mouth away from before I registered the sound of someone knocking on the door. He turned me toward a chair in his office and told me quietly to sit down. I would be facing away from the person at the door. He moved to his chair and sat down quickly concealing his large erection straining the front of his pants. He hollered to the person knocking to come in… the bartender stepped in and asked a few questions. He answered him quickly and we were alone again.

I looked up at him and had the oddest desire to flash him my breasts and for whatever reason… I did. I took both hands and pulled my tank top down below my breasts and just sat there like nothing was out of place at all. He looked up and growled out… ‘Fuck’.

He quickly came around his desk, kneeling down before me and took both breasts in his hands and put one nipple in his mouth. He moved from one breast to the other… using his mouth and his hands… Between his kisses, touching my breasts and the thrill of being at work and possibly getting caught, I could feel my panties becoming very wet and he had me close to having an orgasm.

He removed his mouth from my nipple and whispered in my ear… “I can smell how turned on you are… I want to taste you. Unfortunately, we are going to have to wait until closing.”

He kissed me once more taking me closer to combustion. I am not going to be able to wait until closing.

Muah Sophia

Part two will be coming very soon…

 

Do Swinger Rules Hurt or Help Your Swinger Sex?

Hubby and I have one rule… we both have to agree. We don’t always see eye to eye on the swinging thing… like who or who not to fuck… but we agree on several key points…

We will probably always have a swinger state of mind.

We will probably always want to swing.

We will probably always want someone the other doesn’t want the spouse.

We will probably always want something the other doesn’t when the other does.

We do not have a lot of rules because we understand one basic fact. We can enjoy sex with other people and not hold a particular act sacred as in only done with each other. Our relationship is more than just holding kisses sacred or holding anal sacred… we believe what makes us a couple is more than a sex act… and therefore, no sex act that we want is held up to a sacred level.

I am sure you can guess that I am more vocal and more exploratory in swinging… or at least am willing to talk about it… which brings me to a point…

Sometimes spouses are not on the same page at the same time. When this happens… all kinds of rules pop up and then all kinds of trouble happens.

Think about it… when you tell someone – like a child – do not touch an outlet… that child will begin obsessing about touching that outlet. You tell a child he can’t have a piece of candy, a cookie, or whatever.. the child will throw a tantrum, sneak a cookie or piece of candy and you know they will do whatever they can to get the item they crave.

And you know what… you tell your spouse you can’t kiss… and each time there has been a couple that has told us they do not kiss… one of them did. EVERY SINGLE TIME. And it was never the person who demanded no kissing.

Whenever a spouse reminded their spouse to use a condom… that person who was reminded… tried to not use a condom… even when the condom was right there… EVERY SINGLE TIME. And we use condoms. But by telling someone over and over to remember to use a condom… the urge to not use a condom was there.

Soft swappers that are not ALLOWED to full swap… there is one person of the other couple to try to full swap… EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I would love to think it is because I have a magic pussy they can’t keep their cocks away from… or my hubby’s cock is just that wonderful… but sadly, it is only partially us… for the most part, it is because they were told they CAN’T do something. The other part is us… and here is why it is us… because we are not constricted by the rules of an insecure, jealous or clueless partner.

I am not trying to be mean… but when a person has insecurities, swinger sex sucks. When there is a jealous person, swinger sex sucks. When there is a clueless partner, swinger sex sucks. And by clueless… I mean the type of swinger who fails to realize what it takes to actually have swinger sex that is good, fun, full of passion.

We have been with so many swingers that had some insecurity about their body or their abilities or their relationship and you know what… it fucking sucked. We had to deal with them hiding their body part, focus on their partner more to make sure they didn’t do or say something that will hurt their feelings – like “I love your breasts” – because they feel that the only breasts their spouse can love is theirs.

Insecurities in swinging is very common. Very annoying. And everyone has them. The best swingers do not focus on their insecurities. They focus on their partners. The focus on the person they want to fuck. Not on themselves 24/7.

An insecure swinger will isolate themselves during the “get out there and flirt” state… they think someone will judge them… and they make sure someone can judge them by being isolated at the table…

A jealous swinger moves their insecurities out to the public and will make everyone feel bad about meeting them. Seriously… they will make life miserable for all the swingers they are in contact with. They will make sure everyone has a bad time… and then make sure they suffer a bit more.

The jealous swinger will make sure no one has fun… it HAS TO BE same bed and no real talking unless it is directed to them… no one can explore because of the million of rules that have been enforced so they can feel better by controlling everything. And when the jealous person has deemed ‘everything is done’ everyone must stop, even if they are not finished with the play or the act. And you know it never lasts long enough to make sure even their partner is satisfied. Nope, the jealous person must make life miserable for all.

The clueless swinger is one that is also ruled by their insecurities, jealousies and weird behavior and will sit there and wonder why no one is willing to reach out them or make a pass at them… they are clueless that their behavior of a ‘cold fish’, ‘ice queen’, ‘controlling ass’ and so forth is what is causing someone to ignore them.

But it is also more subtle…

The person who doesn’t like to email, text, or otherwise communicate with a prospective play partner… is quite clueless. This is more obvious when they complain they just don’t have as much fun because it doesn’t seem like their partner likes them.

How do you tell a person, ‘well, do something about it”?

I have seen women not reach out to my husband and their husband is talking my ear off… and when we get to the dinner table… him and I are really connecting, flirting, and wanting the dinner to be over… and my husband is sitting there trying to get the person to talk to him. And she won’t. And she gets pissed because her man and I are hitting it off. Very clueless person here and I am not sure why something as simple making a person feel wanted and desired is so damn difficult here.

I have a few guys I talk to and can send a picture of my pussy or tits… and I get some really odd comments. Now, I do not think you need to gush extensively about my pussy or tits… but when I am sending it in response to their comment about how depressing, sad, boring, or otherwise annoying day in an effort of trying to cheer them up… I kinda think more than ‘nice.’ should said… you know to show appreciation at the effort. I mean, do you really think I am going to send you another picture to get nice. For a guy, I think nice is like a woman’s fine… not as great an answer as you may think.

I have some guys who cannot pay a compliment to save their soul. It comes out as a backhanded compliment. Gotta tell you, a backhanded compliment does not instill warm fuzzies….

My point is this… do you really think I am going to instill any real effort going forward with these guys who don’t seem to get it… as in clueless as to what they are saying (writing) and how it appears to the person receiving it? Nope, I am not.

I am a selfish person… I want to spend time communicating with people who make me feel good. If you don’t make me feel good, I am not going to communicate with you. If you actually hurt my feelings, intentional or not… I am not going to communicate with you. That is just how I am. I am selfish that way.

I can have some really great conversations with people that make me feel good and make them feel good but sometimes, I wonder what the hell are these people thinking when they don’t bother with any communication and expect me to want to fuck them.

I want and need someone to reach out to me and connect with me when thinking about fucking me.

So, I mentioned this topic to several people before writing this blog post to see what I thought was similar to what they thought. And I thought I would ask about their views on this topic.

When couples have rules – spoken or unspoken… it causes a few issues to pop up when both sides are not fully in agreement with the rules. Those I spoke to agreed with that point. Being told ‘no’ tends to make the person denied that ‘thing’ want it more. And often the rules make no sense.

My husband has often been in a situation where the other female was not a ‘texter’ or otherwise a communicator and then they felt the disconnect when they arrived for the dinner, drinks, or play time… When you ask them why they don’t like to text… they say, they do not have time for all that. Yet, they want to feel wanted and they get upset when they see their husband and me feeling all kinds of wanted. The woman’s own rules of not wanting to text limits the ability to have some good swinger sex.

It is not really possible to go from really no communication to sitting at a dinner to getting naked and having swinger sex. You simply cannot get into the sexual vibe if you do not put out a sexual vibe. How can you put out a sexual vibe if you are isolating yourself from the entire group (the other 3) because your rule is you don’t text.

Could you have a phone conversation? Send a few emails?

Often, the person who does not want to text has this mentality that as soon as their potential play partner sees them they will be full of sexual giddiness and they will make them feel so sexy, so desired, so… you know what… I want to scream at them “are you really that fucking clueless?”

If you are at a club or house party, there is an expectation that sexy thing will happen and often you gain that vibe immediately upon anticipation of attending. Believe me there are a few wet blankets still that throw their rules in the mix and dampen and kill the sexual energy vibe… but for the most part, there is an expectation of sexual vibes and sexual energy and sexual activity…

Yet, on a one on one date, few share that… and if you have so many rules that you cannot and will not let anyone enjoy the sexy fun… the vibe is gone… absolutely gone.

I am not anti-rules… I mentioned we have one… what I am is anti-ridiculous-rules-to-prevent-anyone-from-having-fun…

Seriously, what kind of sexy fun can you really have if you have a no kissing rule. I cannot tell you how many times we have run across and tried to get passed someone’s no kissing rule… only to have one part of the couple kiss one of us… so what is the point of a rule that says no kissing?

I am not sure… but I have gotten into a lot of discussions with non-kisser that wanted to fuck me and not respect that I need kissing to get that sexy energy vibe… and they think I am forcing them to kiss… I am not… I am telling you, that as long as you have that stupid rule (and yes, I think it is a very stupid rule) I will not fuck you.

I have seen so many stupid rules placed on lifestyle play that make no sense, are repeatedly broken, and just make swinger sex boring as shit…

I really get tired of these ridiculous rules people have and try very hard to avoid them. I have no desire to play with someone that has a shit load of rules that make it only possible to do one or two things only in the name of sex… “I am sorry, today it is okay for you to kiss my left nipple but not my right because of why?”

I am going to go out on a limb and say that if you have to have a huge list of rules… or you find yourself purposely NOT ENGAGING prospective playmates… or struggling with jealousy and insecurities to the point no one has any fun… maybe, just maybe swinging is not for you.

Sex in the swinger context is supposed to be fun, liberating, exploratory, a bit wild (it is a kink after all – swinging)… and if you have so many rules that sex is so boring people wonder WTF are you swinging for??? Maybe you are not really suited to be a swinger.

The idea of swinging is often very tantalizing for people, the act of swinging is often very different for them… they want the tantalizing feelings… the erotic environment… but because of their ‘whatever’ they make swinging clinical, boring, full of rules and very restrictive… they also talk about leaving the lifestyle and do take extended breaks. What they fail to see is they are the reason swinging is boring or unpleasant or not what they expected…

You have to do the work to have a successful swinging adventure… that means – connecting with people, wanting people, showing passion, desire, need, and want… you have to make people feel how much you want them…

And I am sorry, a swinger so full of rules or unwilling to engage sends a message of how little they want to swing…

Ain’t that really a shame… swinging is fun… as long as you invest in the adventure…

Muah Sophia

Comments – About Being ‘Moved’ By A Girl/Guy

My previous post I wrote about that song that makes me want more from a guy than just being a pussy to fuck… but you know… the feeling he craves me… wants to consume me… feels that I move him… can’t stop thinking of me… And again, throwing this out there… you know I do not mean replacing a spouse… a huge advocate for wanting to have the best damn experience swinging rather than boring sex with a stranger.

So I asked… if the guys make a girl feel good when they want to fuck them? I have gotten a number of responses on that… so before I go into the new topic…

I of course got responses that were very nice and sweet and sexy… and complimentary… but I did get one that was very interesting… I got permission to share…

“I don’t want my husband to go overboard on flirting and showing he wants to have sex with another woman. I admit I get jealous easily and this is not something I want to witness. I don’t want my husband to have hall passes because of that same reason. I am too afraid he will fall in love with another woman. He is cute, he is sweet, he is generous, and he is good at flirting, showing affection, and sex. I know he will fall in love with someone if given the opportunity.

I have to admit, that I flirt a lot with men. Most of the time he doesn’t know the extent of my flirting. I have a guy I could easily fall in love with if given the chance. We have hall passed, or I guess it should be said cheated. We have also played as a group that my husband knows about.

I am a double standard I know. I want what I want and want to keep my husband from getting what he wants. I love the attention and need the attention. Not because my husband doesn’t give me enough attention. I just long for attention all the time.

My husband and I read this blog. He reads it more than I do. I cringe when you talk about need, cravings, and wants and desires. I know that he will talk to me about my double standard. But I refuse to budge on this.

I know you are going to write my comment in your blog. I give you permission. I know that he will read where I have ‘cheated’ on him. I am doing this because I need to get this out in the open but not sure how to do it.

I am willing to let him be with a woman ‘who moves him’ as long as he won’t make me stop seeing the one guy I could easily fall in love with. I want to love him. I need to love him. But, I am afraid I won’t be able to deal with the aftermath of when he falls in love with someone else.

My comment was supposed to focus on how much I too crave a man who makes me feel like I am his everything. But when that happens, there is much emotional and physical satisfaction… it does make you want it more.

This is going to be a difficult conversation to have, but it needs to happen. I can’t go on this way and I want him to have what he wants out of this. I think I am brave enough to go through with this ‘conversation/confrontation’ that will happen. A part of me just wants to tell him to go fall in love to take the guilt off of me. I think that is what is the reason for me to write this. I need to rid myself of guilt and this seems like the best way to do it.

Thanks for the blog. You have helped us a lot. You also force me to deal with what I don’t want to deal with. I guess I need to thank you for that too.”

I got that comment last night while I was sleeping… I had a post half completed but wasn’t feeling it… good thing… she was writing her comment… and it appears that she needs to write this almost as much as she needs to be honest with her husband.

But more importantly, it demonstrates the baggage (and that was part of the topic I was working on)… that keeps a person from allowing their spouse to fully enjoy swinging.

It is one of the reasons why so many wives and husbands cannot let their partner know they are ‘moved’ by them… why they can’t feel moved themselves… enjoy the emotion of the experience… and emotion is not speaking of love… but passion, desire, want, need, cravings, and all those good things…

Can you have swinger sex without feeling passion?

If so, why would you want to?

Is it fair to you and your partner if you do?

I can’t imagine going into every single swinger situation not feeling passion or not being to feel passion because your spouse won’t let you.

I wrote back to her this morning… and here is what I wrote… I have permission to share it as well. And you have to remember she reads my blog, so she shouldn’t be surprised by my comments… she said she wasn’t.

“Hi, thanks for your comment. I hope you know I am going to be honest in responding to you… hope you don’t mind. Well, cheating sucks… not sure he is going to be happy… even if you are a swinger… cheating is different and it sucks to be the one who was cheated on… he is going to see this if he does in fact read my blog regularly.

I guess my thoughts on why women are not able to handle it when their husbands feel passion towards another woman is correct. Thanks for the confirmation. Not trying to sound like a bitch… but it is these types of situations whether the jealous party is male or female that make swinging so ‘not so great’ for the partners… jealousy really doesn’t belong in swinging… I just don’t know how that happens and why people get into swinging and stuck on being jealous.

I am not sure what you are hoping to gain from letting him read this… and a part of me wants to not share you comments… but a selfish bit of me who was struggling with a different post thinks this will be good for my blog and me. Selfish I know… but isn’t that the theme of your comment…

To make it not seem like I am being mean to you… you are not the only person male or female to tell me that their jealousy has made their swinging awkward at best and blow up on people at worst. It is a difficult situation… and I guess it doesn’t help with me writing a blog that tells you repeatedly… emotions are good… feeling them is good… emotions, including love is not bad… even in swingerville.

And I stick by that… you stated that you love feeling a guy has to have you… you even feel what could be love (I read that BTW as in, you are in love with him and you are saying you could fall in love to make it seem like you haven’t crossed that line yet…) Here is something to consider… having the thoughts you love someone is the same as saying them… it is a matter of your heart and mind… whether you tell yourself or the entire world, the emotions are already there…

I have to ask, are you open to poly? And poly between you both or just on your side?

I think it is important to know what you feel on all topics… and allow your husband to share how he feels on the subject… and to let your spouse explore without the fear of your anger, jealousy, and insecurity.

This is a problem for sure… but I believe that you can in fact get through this… it won’t be easy and what that you really want is easy to get… Be honest with him, do not blame him for anything, and ask for forgiveness. Best advice I can give you. Good luck…”

She responded immediately and said… “After I wrote the comment and read your comment I decided that I needed to tell him before your post. I called him at work. Told him not to read your blog until we talk. He asked why? I told him that I wrote to you and admitted something I need to talk to him about first. He guessed it was about the guy I have been cheating with, seems he already knew. He saw my phone one day and saw our texts. He didn’t know that I was cheating with him. I did admit it. He is pissed, but said that things will change with swinging going forward. Including he will fuck who he wants when he wants. I don’t know what that really means, but he said he will talk about it more later. Oddly enough, I feel better that it is out in the open. Not sure I will like the fight that is coming, but I feel like a weight is off my shoulder.”

Well, no one has ever said swinging was easy and mess free…

I am not sure what else I can say in this situation… other than I wish you both good luck. Consider being honest with each other… and start it in this manner… honest this will help. Tell him to read this part before he comes home and try to do it before he gets home.

Make three lists – 1) What I want out of swinging 2) What I have missed out of in swinging? 3) What I will forgive you for because of swinging?

I know you think that the third one will be about the cheating… but consider including things like – I will forgive you for your jealousy in swinging – I will forgive you for controlling my ability to feel passion for swinging or the person I am having sex with – I will forgive you for…. you get the idea… you need to write down what you will forgive each other for… and you both will have them… this is not a blame game situation… it is a getting it out there and making a fresh start. If you write it down on the forgive list… then fucking forgive them… it is over… no bringing it up… holding it in… or using it against them…

Be honest what you want out of swinging… if you are interested in a whole slew of things you never shared… here you go… share the stuff… all of it… and what you have missed out of from your current adventure… put those things on your ‘fuckit’ list… and use that to plan your adventure going forward…

This really works… seriously do it… even if you think you have a great swinging life with your spouse… try this activity and see if it doesn’t get a great deal better… It will.

Good luck!

Muah Sophia

Do Guys Make You Feel Like This?

I absolutely love Lady Antebellum’s Need You Now CD… there are many songs I absolutely love and I have little voice left after singing along with this CD and Adele’s 21 CD for almost 7 hours in the car… that and the presentation and a bunch of talking today… not much of a voice left… or brain… I am a bit tired… but here I am, writing a blog post… and I am not sure what this post will be like or how it will end up… but here goes…

I love the song I have below… and I think this is the topic of this post… I was listening and singing along to this song and thought… this is how a woman should feel a man feels when on a swinger date.

Imagine if you will, what the girl would feel if I guy felt this way about her… and how she will reciprocate the feelings she is feeling about how he is feeling and how he will feel when she shows appreciation for what she feels based how he feels…

Yes, I know, that is one of those dizzy sentences… but I hope you didn’t get lost but actually walked away from that sentence and understand this… how good you feel about someone has a direct impact on how a person feels about you.

Read the lyrics of the song… or if you can tolerate listening to country music… here is a link to hear the song… Something ’bout a woman

“Something ‘Bout A Woman”

Well there’s something ’bout a woman
with my t-shirt on
hair in her eyes, no make-up on
standin there smilin with my coffee cup
yeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman that’s easy to loveYeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman
that’s a clear blue sky
Ain’t found nothin better that’ll get you high
You’re the colors of the sun at the end of the day
Yeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman that makes you feel that way She’s like fire on the mountain
Like some kind of heaven that’s pourin’ down on me
She’s a child
She’s a lady
She’s got everything that I could ever need
Yeah, there’s somethin ’bout a woman and meYeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman
when she gets fixed up
Slips a red dress on and her eyes light up
I love to watch her walkin from across the room
Yeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman
and the way she moves me
she moves me
oh, she moves me

She’s like fire on the mountain
Like some kind of heaven that’s pourin’ down on me
She’s a child
She’s a lady
She’s got everything that I could ever need
Yeah, there’s somethin ’bout a woman and me

She moves me
she moves me
oh, she moves me
She’s like fire on the mountain
Like some kind of heaven that’s pourin’ down on me
She’s a child
She’s a lady
She’s got everything that I could ever need
Yeah, there’s somethin ’bout a woman and me

Yeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman that makes me still
There’s somethin ’bout a woman that always will

I think in this song… it is the emotion portrayed… ‘she moves me’, ‘there’s somethin ’bout a women and me’, ‘she’s like fire on the mountain’, ‘like some kind of heaven that’s pouring’ down on me.
Then the comments about what he finds attractive about a women… from being in a t-shirt, messy hair, no makeup, looking hot in a red dress, him having to watch her cross the room… yeah, those are all images painted in my mind of a man who really finds a woman in any state of dress or undress as so beautiful she moves him…
I think that is what I want to feel… not exactly those words… choose your own… but that is how I want to feel when I am on a swinger date or hall pass… that at that moment, you are consumed by your passion for me…
Now, don’t get me wrong… I am not saying I want to take the place of your spouse… I am saying that I must feel that you are consumed by me… needing me to know how much you want me…
You know, that way people feel when they actually date in any other time in their life.
I am not sure why people want to have sex any other way.
Why go through the motions if the desire is not there?
I talked to someone about this before… had a long assed conversation – read that as a debate… I don’t know if I wore them down or I actually convinced them of my point of view and how much better it is than theirs… but to be fair here… here is the ‘opposing’ point of view.
Swinger sex is just simply sex.
I had a problem with that… what does that mean exactly?
I was told that swinger sex is just doing the sexual acts with other people.
I asked if he get excited about swinger sex.
I was told that of course he got excited, he got hard.
I asked him if he got excited as in, desired the woman.
He said there was really no reason to get excited about the woman as in desire her… it is just a once and done thing… most of the time they do not have second play dates.
I asked him if it is possibly why they only play once and then done with the other couples because the women feel like he is just using their pussy for an outlet and any will do?
Will you be surprised if I say that he was not happy with that question?
I asked what would be wrong if you showed to your date that you are very much turned on by her, want her, desire her, crave her, need her?
His response – what would be wrong… how my wife responded to that… would be what is wrong.
I then asked, is there no middle ground?
His answer – no.
I asked, does his wife show excitement with her playmates?
Yes, she does. She can. I can’t.
Well, dang it all… that is wrong. Just wrong.
So I went back to asking him ‘do you really enjoy swinger sex in this manner?’
His answer was no… it isn’t that much fun, but it is all I can get.
Hmm, I am a horrible person… I asked him… ‘don’t you think you should have that feeling of great desire for a partner…’
He told me, yes, you are right, you should have those great feelings of desire… but not everyone can have what they want…
I asked him if he was pissed…
He said, no. Yes, he is. But not at me. And he was done discussing it… I was right again, isn’t that enough.
Well, I didn’t say this to him… but no, being right wasn’t what I was after… it wasn’t about being right. It was about having this experience with each other something that was earth shattering… shouldn’t sex be earth shattering… rather than any pussy or cock will do? Shouldn’t I feel like I was the center of his attention… his desire… his need as he was the center of my attention, my desire, my need for him?
Why is this a hard concept for people to understand and put into practice?
Why am I supposed to be happy with the bare minimum of effort in flirting and wooing?
Why am I supposed to be satisfied being the first or only available pussy that will do for his release?
Why is this happening in a lifestyle or state of mind that is about exploring others sexually?
I think I want and will demand (not necessarily demanding to the person, but demand as in – if he doesn’t do it automatically – I won’t do him) that he focus on me, make me feel how much I move him… how much he wants me… how much he needs me… and if he can’t because he won’t or because his spouse won’t let him…
I think I deserve to feel like I am as special to him as he is to me… and feel like this song makes me feel when hearing…

What do you guys and gals think?

Do you as a girl deserve to feel this way with your swinger partner?

Do you as a guy feel you should make a girl you are with feel as this song indicates?

Do you as a guy want to feel that way about all your partners? Where a girl moves you… and you just can’t stop thinking of her, wanting her, and needing her?
I don’t think it is a pipe dream. I do think it will take work, but that work is worth it… when you can have an earth shattering sexual experience with every new partner…
Yeah, it is Like some kind of heaven that’s pourin’ down on me!
Muah Sophia

Cravings… For People, For Positions, For Adventures

I was talking to someone once… I know… seriously, just once??? But I was talking to someone and they talked about how much they needed someone or something… and well, I can relate to that… I have written about it often… that need that seems to be always there until that person you feel this need for fulfills that need… it is like a craving… where you actually crave what that person talked about or that person… and a craving is a killer when it goes unfulfilled for a long period of time.

It can be like a craving for sugar, caffeine, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs… you know the usual suspects when talking about a craving. You find that you have a craving that can’t be fulfilled until you have that particular ‘thing’ whether it be a person, position or adventure.

Sometimes that craving is the New Relationship Emotions (NRE) and before you freak out… the relationship can be simply a new play partner or play opportunity… the feelings are much the same…

I crave that NRE… I do… I love to meet new people and build that excitement and desire… and I feel rather let down when the other person is kinda lame in their swinger game and it never happens.

I crave a particular person who I have been texting and cannot wait until we meet… not because of the sexy scenarios we texted about… but the thrill of the chase and even more so when there is a capture… I do love the chase and the capture… I crave those experiences and as you can tell from my last post… you can certainly kill that craving by being a boring lump of swinger flesh when we meet… and before we meet because you haven’t instilled in my a craving for you…

I have a craving for certain positions… I love doggy style… I mean really fucking love it… and I love anal… and I really do crave it… I love my ass played with… and that is a craving… and not everyone does it, but when they do… OMG… it is awesome and that take care of the craving for a while… A very brief while…

But there are times when the craving is a person… you have connected with that person to such a level that you need to have him/her… to the point that is all you can think about… yeah, that is a craving.

So what do you do about it? Do you just let it happen if it happens? Or do you make it happen?

I have had some really big cravings and tried to make it happen… but sadly, it never did as the other person had some roadblocks to overcome… and couldn’t. Some times the roadblocks are built inside the person… they are afraid to make the moves necessary due to fear of what these cravings mean.

This is really a concern for me… largely because I feel bad when someone is unable to determine what they want and follow through on it… I think you should spend time investigating cravings and fulfilling those cravings. Cravings are good… cravings mean you are alive and want to explore things…

And exploring things are great fun…

I started this post before I left to travel for work. While driving I hear the following song by Christina Aguilera. This song, “Genie In A Bottle”came on the radio. I listened to the words and thought… damn, those words really go with the previous post and today’s…  I really think you have to listen to the song as she sings it… but if you look at the words that I posted below, you will see that the connection between the last post and this post with this song…

The parts that really speak to the previous post –

If you wanna be with me
Baby there’s a price to pay
I’m a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way

If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
You gotta make a big impression (Oh yeah)
Gotta like what you do

Doesn’t that really speak to what I wrote yesterday… about choosing to fuck? And to the cravings…

“Genie In A Bottle”

Come on, come on
Ohh, whow

I feel like I’ve been locked up tight
For a century of lonely nights
Waiting for someone to release me
You’re lickin’ your lips
And blowing kisses my way
But that don’t mean I’m gonna give it away
Baby, baby, baby (Baby baby baby…)

Ooohhh, my body’s sayin’ let’s go
Ooohhh, but my heart is sayin’ no

If you wanna be with me
Baby there’s a price to pay
I’m a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way

If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
You gotta make a big impression (Oh yeah)
Gotta like what you do

(I’m a genie in a bottle baby
Gotta rub me the right way honey
I’m a genie in a bottle baby

Come come, come on and let me out)

The music’s fading and the lights down low
Just one more dance and then we’re good to go
Waiting for someone
Who needs me
Hormones racing at the speed of light
But that don’t mean it’s gotta be tonight
Baby, baby, baby (Baby baby baby…)

Ooohhh, my body’s sayin’ let’s go
Ooohhh, but my heart is sayin’ no (but my heart is sayin’ no)

If you wanna be with me
Baby there’s a price to pay
I’m a genie in a bottle (I’m a genie in a bottle)
You gotta rub me the right way

If you wanna be with me (Ooh)
I can make your wish come true (Your wish come true ohh)
Just come and set me free baby
And I’ll be with you

(I’m a genie in a bottle baby
Gotta rub me the right way honey
I’m a genie in a bottle baby
Come come, come on and let me out)

I’m a genie in a bottle baby
Gotta rub me the right way honey
(If you wanna be with me)
I’m a genie in a bottle baby
Come come, come on and let me out

Ooohhh, my body’s sayin’ let’s go
Ooohhh, but my heart is sayin’ no

If you wanna be with me
Baby there’s a price to pay
I’m a genie in a bottle (I’m a genie in a bottle)
You gotta rub me the right way

If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
You gotta make a big impression

Gotta like what you do

If you wanna be with me
Baby there’s a price to pay
I’m a genie in a bottle (In a bottle baby)
You gotta rub me the right way

If you wanna be with me (If you wanna be with me)
I can make your wish come true
Just come and set me free baby
And I’ll be with you

I’m a genie in a bottle baby
Come come, come on and let me out

Sometimes when you look at lyrics after hearing a song… you find a connection that you didn’t know about… at least I do when I spend the time driving and listening to music and feel the words come alive… as they come alive, I see where they fit into something I was thinking…

I think that is one reason why cravings take so long to be fulfilled… we are often afraid to let others know what those cravings are and why we have them… and if we can’t see why we need to address them to ourselves or others… then why do we swing?

I have had conversations with people who talk about craving me… and I crave them… and then they feel guilty because their spouse may not understand why they crave me. Is it because they love me? No, they don’t love me. They love what I bring to life within them. They love what I make them feel. They love what I make them think… but they do not love me.

I hear about how open I am with my sexuality… how unafraid I am to share what I like and what I love and yes, even what doesn’t work. They love how I am willing to talk about what they can’t talk with their spouse…

Is it me they crave?

No, it is not me they crave… it is what I bring to the table.

Yes, some of them do crave kissing me… touching me… fucking me… laughing with me… but for the most part, what they really crave is what I bring to the table… the freedom to fulfill their cravings.

I spent many date nights with the male half of a couple not really flirting with me, touching me, kissing me, complimenting me… nothing… and I have often wondered why they bothered even asking me to the date.

Did they have cravings but no gumption to make the cravings happen?

Why did they want to have a date with me (and our spouses) and not want to move towards… anything swinger-ish?

This is something that really makes me wonder why swingers want to be friends with benefits basically before they fuck… but make no efforts to let me know they want me…

I look at this as a fear of fulfilling their cravings… whether because they fear their spouse’s reactions or they fear their own… do they not know these cravings won’t end?

Here is a key point to make… when you try to ignore the cravings… they do not go away… they become similar to obsessions. They will look more and more delicious to you… and you will find yourself thinking of them constantly…

So go ahead… feed those cravings… it is why you swing isn’t it?

Just something to think about…

Muah Sophia

Choosing To Fuck

What is the criteria you have when you choose to fuck?

I have asked myself this a few times over the last bunch of years we have been on this sexually social adventure… and to be honest… I am often unsure of what causes me to choose to fuck a person…

Seriously.

I have no idea what makes me want to fuck a person based on pics or profiles.

As in, no checklist to know what to say… if you do this or that I want to fuck you…

Nope, no checklist… good thing hubby doesn’t have ‘control’ of my portion of the adventure.

I do have some limits… and one of them is you really can’t be in the same age range as my children. Yeah, I love my kids… think they are great… and well, conversation can be a bit odd with them as there is an age and cultural difference no matter how ‘old or mature’ they are… or ‘hip’ I am… LOL… I cannot imagine having that type of issue with someone I want  to fuck…

And yet, if it is at a club where little deep conversational interaction happens… you can bet I won’t ask their age and be more than happy to play with them…

Ah yes, double standards, exceptions, and blurred lines… gotta love swinging…

I don’t have a type of guy… mentioned that before… I do have a height requirement… the guy really has to be at least 2 inches taller than me. Again, an exception to the statement, no checklist…

But as with the younger guy at a club or something… it is not really going to matter if you flirt with me and make me want you… if when I am out of my heels you and I are at the same height… but it does make me wish for a taller guy… if I am serious here… I enjoy being a little bit shorter than the guy… not sure why… just really like it… but it is not a definite no go… just I would really love a taller guy…

I look at a few different things when I decide or choose to fuck a guy… and it is a bit different than what others have told me they use to determine if they will fuck someone… and I will be honest… I don’t see it… I mean, I get it… I just don’t see how it works for them.

For those who say they must be friends… how in the world do you make friends when you are dry, boring, and dull… In case dry, boring and dull alone didn’t work an image in your head… sometimes I wonder, how on earth can anyone find you interesting and worthy of friends if you are so dry, boring, and dull?

This is not a bit towards their looks… but let’s be honest… that does go hand in hand… if a person’s personality is dry, boring, and dull… their clothes, hair, and for a girl – make up and accessories can be very dry, boring, and dull too…

Think about that paragraph above for a minute or two… and see if you don’t see it, think about some people who you found boring and think about how they looked… did they wear stylist clothes and jewelry and hair styles? Did they wear color or did they wear beige (and not just the color beige but beige in general… as in dull?

I think this is what leads me to the point of deciding to fuck someone… not what colors they wear… or how tall they are… or their age… but how they connect with me.

Even in a club situation, where little ‘deep connection’ happens… if the guy can engage me and make me want them… that is the catalyst for making me choose to fuck you.

It is really that simple. You can have a full head of hair or be bald. You can have long hair, short hair, blonde hair, brown, black or grey… you can be tall or short, skinny or not so much… any color eyes… tan or no tan… but what you cannot do… is NOT ENGAGE me…

It is simply that easy… engage me.

Flirt with me.

Talk to me.

Laugh with me.

And I will respond how you hope I will.

I think that is so very important for me… more than what a person looks like…

I find I need them to be of a certain personality… one that is alive.

I know that sounds funny to say… but some people act like they are hardly alive… hardly excited by the prospect of swinging and certainly without any excitement and passion. I kinda need a person who is willing to step outside their comfort zone and let me know they want me. Let me know they feel a certain way about me and the adventure we can go on…

So this goes towards the having to be friends comment above… how does a person become friends with other swingers if they cannot act in a manner that demonstrates they want to be friends?

We have had ‘dates’ with couples who claim they are laid back and relaxed… yep, so much so they do not say anything, indicate anything, or do anything that shows they are interesting or interested in engaging me.

My decision to fuck you is how you interact with me… even with that said, it is not a checklist of what you have to do to engage me… but you really have to engage me.

I looked through all the posts I have written about this topic and it appears that I am pretty consistent in this manner. I really don’t have the patience for someone who makes no effort to engage me. And I am very engage-able… I actually make it easy for a person to engage me… I mean very easy… I often joke that I can talk to a brick wall and get a response… so… if I can talk to a brick wall and get a response… what the hell is the problem when someone can’t talk to me at all when they initiate the ‘process’ with me.

And I look at it all as a process… I am looking at it from my perspective. Your perspective may be different… but let’s just say this… if your perspective differs greatly from this perspective – it is fine… but I don’t get it… if you are not interested as a swinger to meet someone you want to fuck… you are meeting people just to meet them and for them to want you so your ego feels better… and that is not really what I am into and can usually tell when someone is like that… and I back out… but anyways, here is the thoughts I have on the process.

Initiation of the process is to look at the profile and decide – communicate or don’t communicate… here is the thing… if you don’t find the pictures repulsive and the profile offensive… you have actually made a decision – they are fuckable at least at this point…

When you receive return communication that is positive… you make a decision at that point to either move forward or back out… and if you move forward… you have made a decision that they are fuckable…

Then you make plans to meet someone, you are sending a messages and wanting to build a connection… well, that kinda means you really find them fuckable…

And let’s define fuckable… at least as I see it…

Fuckable – if everyone is in agreement – you will fuck them.

So, when you are looking at their pictures and profile… and you are not repulsed… you find them fuckable.

When you send a comment, email, or whatever… you are saying they are fuckable in your eyes…

When you make plans to meet them… you are thinking, as soon as it is indicated… let’s fuck.

Here is what generally goes wrong, for me at least.

When someone contacts us (me, as I do most of the stuff)… and they start off strong… and then kinda fizzle… I have to wonder… ‘do they want to fuck me?’

My thoughts then go… if they don’t act excited about fucking me… do I want to fuck them?

My answer is usually no.

If they act very excited to fuck in written communication… and they don’t interact or engage me in a manner that makes me know they want to fuck me… yeah, I choose then not to fuck them/him.

If there is a disconnect between us at any time, I lose interest. Quickly and it doesn’t usually come back.

I am going to be honest (as if most of this blog has been dishonest when sharing my opinions… lol).

I have played with some guys I did not necessarily find attractive. They were just average looking and wouldn’t really stand out. I am not being mean… they tell me this very thing… when they ask me why I chose them… like “I know I am not attractive, so why are you interested in me.” My answer is simply this… “you engaged me. You let me know you wanted me. That is confidence. That is sexy. I want you because you want me and let me know.”

Seriously, it is that simple. I am a very complex girl in many ways… but in this adventure… pretty damn simple… you engaged me, you let me know you want me and I want you.

It is the manner they let me know. No cheesy come on lines… but they will be honest. They find me hot, sexy, cute, or whatever they say (maybe they need glasses, but that is on them… I still find the compliments make me feel good)… but they let me know they want me… and they flirt with me, they touch me, they kiss me… they let me know they want me… and they have a grasp on how this swinger thing goes…

And I think that is what I need… a partner who knows how this swinger thing is supposed to go… nothing is worse than getting to a date and having it be awkward and then after multiple hours of boring conversation, no flirting and so on and so on… the question ‘do you wanna?’

For a person who loves to fuck… nothing is worse than that scenario.

I may be a feminist in some ways… but when it comes to ‘dating’ another guy… I want the guy to take on a traditional role of taking the lead… I will let him know all along I want him to take the lead and when he does take the lead it is because I let him know I want him to… but damn it… just do it.

Take the lead and let me know you choose me to fuck because I will let you know that I choose to fuck you too!

Muah Sophia

 

Labels, Lifestyle or State of Mind

It was interesting reading the forum posts on Kasidie where I asked the question I posed in the previous post. A number of responses were about how labeling and labels are unnecessary… and yet, when I read my thread topic there and my post here… nothing talked about labels… In fact, I was pretty good at listing how this is something inside me… not something a person can label…

And it still is… it is not a label that gets me swinging… I often use sexually social adventure rather than swinger or swinging… because that explains what I feel… I do more than swing with another couple… I hall pass… I have friendships… I have deeper relationships than just simply swinging…

I have an open marriage.

And I think that begins the process of describing what I feel more than what I do… I feel like I have a marriage that allows me to explore sexually what I want and my husband what he wants…

Do we both agree on the extent of this exploration?

No, not always… sometimes we do and sometimes it changes to we don’t right now… but we did… I know, confusing as hell… but isn’t that what happens when we explore the physical, sexual, and emotional aspects of ‘swinging’.

I think this is where some get the two confused… lifestyle and state of mind. Doesn’t one have to actually see this as an extension of what is inside of you… whereby it begins as a state of mind and if you choose to live it as in a poly relationship or if you seek to own a swinger site, a club, or other swinger outlet… doesn’t it then become a lifestyle because you have invested a great deal of your life? But doesn’t that start with a state of mind that allows for the openness between two people if in a couple to bring others into your bed and yes, heart.

I wonder and have wondered if it is possible to have a ‘lifestyle’ without a state of mind… if you identify with any group or lifestyle, do you not have to first buy into the beliefs of that lifestyle? And when I say buy into the beliefs, I am not saying that in a bad way… but if you want to be a hippie and live in a hippy commune, don’t you first have to buy into the mindset that most hippies demonstrated? Or if you want to live off the grid, don’t you first have to buy into the mindset of why living off the grid is important and the manner in which to do so?

My father had this idea of moving to Nova Scotia and living off the land… he put into place a few of the components necessary to do just that while we were still living off of other’s lands… meaning we were smack dab in the midst of civilization and we could actually drive to the store to get our milk instead of having to milk it ourselves… he found a solution to that… to get fresh from the cow milk… we talked to a farmer to let my mom buy some from him each week… I am not sure my mom fully bought into the Nova Scotia mindset… as she got tired of driving to the farm, waiting for the milk cans to be filled… in the mid to late 80’s… Wasn’t this what progress was all about? Not having to get milk from a cow… It wasn’t because it was healthier or because of the hormones… but for some other reason I won’t go into right now… but with two teenagers and a preschooler at home… yeah, you could imagine… we didn’t really buy into it either… so it was a dream of my fathers and a pain for the rest of us… it certainly wasn’t our lifestyle…

If we choose to spend our time thinking about swinging… even if we don’t use the words swinging… aren’t we getting into the state of mind to swing?

And isn’t it a bit difficult to get into the state of mind to swing if we don’t think about swinging… and even if you do not use the word swinging or swinger… it is still the thoughts of having a sexual encounter with someone in order to fulfill the need deep inside.

The need for variety in partners and the need for variety in adventures… Let’s be honest, you fuck 3 different men in the same basic position… let’s say missionary position… will you feel the exact same feelings in the exact same place at the exact same time?

No, you will have different sensations that you experience because you have three guys with three different bodies, cocks, thoughts, moves, abilities, and the list continues on and on… and let’s also be honest here… it is the mere fact that it is someone new, someone exciting, and someone different in his abilities and so forth… that makes your body, mind, and soul react.

When we look at the reason why we swing… we see a number of different factors come into play here… we see need, cravings, desire, newness, and just plain sexual interest happen which makes us crave more of the same…

Before we think about swinging… some of us, if we are honest… to ourselves and our spouses… we think of what it would be like fucking someone else. I don’t think it is a sign that we do not  love our spouse… but we crave… and boy do we crave…

Some people resort to cheating… and that is very true… some resort to cheating because the need to have someone else to fuck is all they can think of… while I am not going to discuss cheating at length… there is little difference between the need or craving found in a cheater and a swinger… other than the swinger has the spouse on board… the need or craving is the same.

By looking at the mind set of the person who thinks of cheating or swinging… they feel a need or craving for someone different or many someones different… and when the decision to start swinging happens… it is an outlet for the state of mind one already feels…

Don’t you agree?

Even if you don’t agree… it makes sense…

One person on the forums wrote that if you are an artist you have the label artist even if you do not sell a single piece of art… or if you were once an actor you are always referred to as an actor… yes, society wants to put a label on everything because it makes it nice and tidy to talk about and reference… but what you fail to recognize… is that artist or actor or whatever job you have… is just a job… it is not the whole of you… you are not solely an actor or artist… you are also a child, sibling (if applicable), parents, grand parent.. .or whatever your role is in your world… you are a part of many different roles and labels… but they do not necessarily define your lifestyle.

We see many actors that portray themselves as actors and activists (not my favorite topic, but there it is…) and most will say that their celebrity status allows them to be heard more often about their ‘passion’… so is acting a lifestyle or a state of mind? Is it an opportunity to do what they need to do to so they can afford to do what they want to do?

And doesn’t it all start and end with a state of mind?

To me, this topic is interesting as it causes a person to look deeper into why they seek other partners as a swinger… what is it for them… a lifestyle or a state of mind… and I believe that it starts with a state of mind… it is not enough for them to remain monogamous the entire life… they feel a need for more partners than just one… whether they only love their spouse their entire life or they open themselves up to love more than one person… it is not because of a lifestyle or a person in the lifestyle… they have to be willing to be open to the possibilities… and that requires their mind to be open to… the state of mind related to this particular choice of activities.

I am curious as to what you think.

Muah Sophia

Is Swinging A Lifestyle Or A State of Mind?

I am going to ask a question that I have been pondering since I began this sexually social adventure… and I am going to ask you to let me know what you think your answer is to this question…

Is swinging a lifestyle or a state of mind?

Some have told me they think it is a lifestyle… and when asked why it is a lifestyle their answers became a bit fuzzy…

A lifestyle to me is something you live daily… do you swing everyday? Do you let others know that you are a swinger – as in you are openly seen and known as a swinger? If you are a Christian, hippy, new-ager, Wicca, naturalist, herbalist, and other similar categories, you often find yourself telling everyone about what you believe and how you live… so do you talk to everyone you meet about your desire to practice non-monogamy? Do you tell others that you feel variety in sexual partners is a normal and natural way of thinking? Do you live swinging 24/7/365 and who the hell cares who knows?

For the most part, few do… the majority of people keep swinging and their sexually social activities quiet. They do not promote this is what we do… we fuck others for fun… host parties in our house to get our freak on… and post it in public forums… nope, we post it on exclusive sites…

I am that way… I will be honest if asked directly, ‘are you a swinger?’ I will not volunteer the information to just anyone and certainly not to someone I do not believe would be open to it… It is not how I live 24/7/365… but that doesn’t mean I am not doing something in relation to swinging every day whether planning a party, chatting with other swingers, writing this blog… it is a part of me, but it is not something that I will admit to living 24/7/365 as the only thing that identifies me.

I think that if you do not, then it is less a lifestyle than a state of mind…

And when you look at it as a state of mind… what does that mean exactly?

I love the idea of having a variety of sexual partners. I love the idea of having someone or several someones that you have a deeper connection with… I love the idea of poly relationships… and I have put into practice having a variety of sexual partners. I have had some of these partners as a part of a couple date, once and done, multiple play times, and hall passes. I have several people I have a great and deeper relationship than just fuck and go scenarios… and I have a desire for a poly relationship with the right person…

To me, that means I have a swinger state of mind rather than a lifestyle… I am able to understand and to develop a variety of relationships with others like – no relationship, just a random fuck – to a little relationship before we fuck and nothing after -to a friendship to a something even deeper than friendship – to the point of loving someone I met in the lifestyle…

My mindset is open to the opportunities of meeting others and having intimate encounters or adventures with men and women. I do not see this as wrong… I see it as something that is in me that has a need surrounding it… and that need is to find the sex and conversation with others… the social and the sexual parts of an adventure with other people…

As you look around to the many people who are on swinger sites… you see a wide range of people who are looking for variety in their sex lives… who are looking for friends they can fuck… people to hang out with and fuck… people to fall in love with… and people they don’t intend to fall in love with, but do…

I believe that a mother (I speak of mothers as I am one) can love two or more children differently based on who the child is… but just as much as the other… My two boys have a lot of similarities and a lot of differences… one is like me, one is like my husband… but I can see the other parent in both boys… I love one because he is my first born and I love the other because he is my baby… I love one for his sense of adventure and I love one for his steadfastness… I love one for his openness in communication all the time and I love the other when he does open up to me as infrequent as that may happen.

What this tells me… if I am a mother who can love two children with my whole heart but in different ways for different reasons… but love them the same amount, is it not possible that I could love two friends as well. In this case, I am talking about two vanilla friends… you know the ones that are your best friends… can you have to best friends at the same time?

Before you quibble on the BEST FRIENDS means one best friend because only one thing can be best… remember I am a girl who has two favorite colors and will argue that until you get on my NO FUCK LIST… for not realizing that not everything has to be black and white and certainly not for swingers who already live outside the bounds of expected behavior.

I think that is what should be the litmus test for swingers…

Can you have two favorite colors?

Can you have two best friends?

Do you love your children differently and the same?

Do you think outside the box or are you limited by the rules found standard in society for no reason other than someone declared it at some point and time?

I think this leads me to the state of mind reference.

To me, swinging is a state of mind… I am at my most relaxed, least need to control things mindset, and the most willing to go with the flow I can be… I let little bother me in the moment and enjoy the entire adventure…

When I am dealing with regular life… I have to see things in black and white… when I am thinking about swinging and how I fit into swinging and how swinging fits into me… I am able to see a great deal more about how flexible life is and the rules that bind us together into knots even if what we are more like is less like whatsociety expects.

I have never really fit into most categories… I am unaffiliated in politics as I would rather vote on issues and people not parties… I have two favorite colors… I swing… I have always loved people and systems (usually you are one or the other)… I can play a few different sports with either hand (often frustrating my gym teachers and coaches)… I am creative and analytical… I am both Pisces and Aries due to the day of my birth and I have half of the traits of Pisces and half the traits of Aries that people pick out readily… I am bisexual… I am interested in a poly relationship as I feel an abundance of love within me that is seeking another person to receive it… I can quote bible verses and the map of kink… I have written bible studies and erotica…

The point is… there are many sides to a person that do not always fit neatly in a box… having two guys fucking me at the same time turns me on to the point I am a dripping wet mess and can ask them both to fuck me harder… yet, there are times when someone pays me a compliment that causes me to blush like a virgin…

How do you explain what you are when you talk about a swinger when the definition of swinging is so wide open? How do you state this is a lifestyle when you only experienced one-tenth of what is out there? How do you hide something you claim is your lifestyle?

You realize at this point, you have a state of mind. You have a state of mind that is open to the possibility of something more out there than just one man and one woman for the rest of their lives. You realize that you crave variety in sex… in partners… in adventures. You want more than just the normal expectations… and you crave adventures that cannot be considered normal no matter how you try to calm them down.

I love the thrill of meeting a new man and building a connection with him and exploring him sexually. I crave this to the point where I am willing to put myself out there and join swinger sites and communicate with others in order to build that connection and fuck him.

Whether you call it fucking, banging, sex, or FWB… what you are doing is telling others you crave something that doesn’t fit into a box… that will not be considered normal or good for a marriage… yet, for many who swing, it is good for their marriage as they were bored shitless.

In my case, swinging opened up a world to me that was quickly closing in on me… I worked from home and had limited access to others… I craved connections, communication, and variety in sex… this was a state of mind… the euphoria that I felt when I was able to communicate and flirt with a man… and when I had sex with him… it was like a craving was filled… for a while at least.. and then I felt that I was ready for the next person or the next adventure with the same person… that craving in my mind and body was sated…

This leads me to believe it is a state of mind… my mind sees the value in swinging and having these relationships with men and women. Whether a brief moment or a long lasting relationship… it is my state of mind that makes me open to these moments, these people, these adventures…

I would love to know what you think… share with me your thoughts… please let me know… lifestyle or state of mind and why you think that… I am very curious to know…

Muah Sophia