Monthly Archives: April 2017

Bisexuality in Swinging, Who Is Really Bi? Part 2

After I wrote the first post on this topic, I had a conversation with someone who identifies as a straight male. He has no desire to have any type of sex with another man. He has not desired to suck another man’s cock. He has no desire to fuck another guy’s ass or have his ass fucked. He has had a guy suck his cock.

He claims he is totally straight. No bisexuality in his person. He is not interested in sex with another man.

Did you read that last sentence of the first paragraph?

He has had a guy suck his cock.

But he is not bisexual.

He is straight as he did not ask the guy who sucked his cock to suck his cock. He has not given that guy specific permission to suck his cock. His cock just happened to go into this other guy’s mouth and the guy sucked his cock.

There were two women present. That made certain that it was not a bisexual encounter.

I listened/read this story from him… and wondered… did you cum in his mouth or on him or because he sucked your cock?

Well, my wonder got the best of me and I asked him.

Yes, he did cum in the guy’s mouth.

But you are not bisexual?

No he is not bisexual.

But a guy sucked his cock. He stayed hard. He got to the point where he could cum. He did cum. And he came in the guy’s mouth, but he is not a bisexual.

No, he is 100% straight.

Anyone else a bit confused?

Anyone else want to call bullshit?

I swear to all that is good in the world… he had a bisexual encounter. But he denies it.


I mean, he told me the story of a guy sucking his cock and him cumming from the oral sex.

Doesn’t that mean he is bisexual?

I guess not in swingerland.

I asked him point blank, ‘why aren’t you bisexual if you came in the mouth of a guy who was sucking your cock?’

Because I am not sucking him or fucking him and he is not fucking my ass.

Anyone else want to bang their head on the desk.

If you think about this… it is very similar to the mindset of women who think, I am bi because when I am drunk at a swinger event I will kiss a woman and touch her breasts. I won’t have actual sex with her, but will declare my bi-dom because I kissed her and touched her breasts.

I hate to tell you this… I touched a co-worker’s breasts before when she thought she had a lump.

That very act did not make me bisexual… but when you touch another woman’s breast for sexual purposes, drunk or not… that is my friends… bisexuality.

If you have a guy suck your cock, that is bisexuality.

In the world today, there seems to be a huge issue for calling a spade a spade… we seem to want to call it spade-comfortable… but yet, there are people who really struggle with their bisexuality or their gay or lesbian status… I have to wonder if it is a bit insensitive to go around making bisexuality such a light game to play.

Granted in swingerland, sex is open and easy to come by….

Oh wait… it isn’t open… we have to have profile names and hide pictures and hide from neighbors what we do with others…

It isn’t easy because we as swingers make it difficult…

You cannot be straight as a female and still get profiles to want to fuck you… why? Because you have to be a bi female to get laid by a man….

Yep, that is the irony… if you are straight female you can’t fuck a man because him and his wife want a bi girl… but if you are a bi guy, you can’t get man or woman to look at your twice… no matter how hot you are… because you are a bi-guy.

I find it amazing sometimes how ridiculous swingers can be…

Will this ever change?

I am not sure if it will because many swingers are more comfortable complaining about the way things are than changing things… and how hard is it for people to state, I am a straight female and a bi male?

Obviously it is very hard. Even in progressive states that open their arms up to all kinds of unique situations people find themselves in… I am trying to be sensitive to all, don’t want to point out some and leave out some… but there are a few states that are very welcoming to all… not matter their orientation… but not in swingerville.

It is an odd statement to make about an ‘open minded’ lifestyle. But I have seen the same types of behaviors and views in the highly religious segments of society… claim to be one thing and prove to be totally different.

I personally am bisexual. I enjoy having sex with both men and women and when I say sex… I mean there are few things that I do not do with both of them. I enjoy the beauty of sex with men and women.

I am not bi for show or bi to get things started. I am seriously interested in having a MMF with two men who aren’t afraid to be who they are and explore the pleasures found between them and with me of course…

I hope that you will look deeper at the level of honesty you have with yourself and others… be honest about your sexuality. Whether you are straight, bisexual, or fluid depending on where and who…

Take control of your sexuality and you will find it to be a great deal more satisfying when you can be yourself and explore your sexuality to its fullest.

Muah Sophia



Bisexuality in Swinging, Who Is Really Bi?

A number of threads on a number of sites dealing with swinging will make assertions that more men are bisexual than listed as such and far less women are bisexual then are listed on their profiles. They (who are they? They are those who spout off statistics but have no proof of their numbers) say that men won’t list as bisexual due to the shunning that goes on in the lifestyle. And they (those same folks) say that women will claim bi as they are wanting to get laid and they trade BI for getting laid opportunities.

I am not claiming that men are not hiding their desire of bisexuality in the lifestyle. I am not claiming that men are not interested in exploring their bi side.

I know for a fact both of these are true as I have had a number of guys share with me their desires for bisexual encounters.

What I would like to know is… why is the lifestyle so fucked up?

Women who feel they must ‘play bi’ to get things started or to make their man happy… I don’t get… and if it is okay for women to ‘play bi’ why is it so bad for a man to actually want to be bi?

I have never understood the ‘play bi’ or ‘bi for show’ women. If you are not interested in bisexual sex, but just playing around with the idea and a kiss or two or a licking of a nipple… is that really bisexual sex?

Technically it is. I know that… but in the deeper level… are you really bi as in you want to have sex with another woman if all you want to do is make a guy happy or get things started because no one else knows how to move from “I want to fuck you” to actually fucking you?

I know for a fact that many swingers who are male have some real trouble getting from wanting to doing in the lifestyle even when the woman has given all kinds of signs of ‘I am ready, willing, and desiring you.’ So, they think that forcing women to pretend to be bisexual is the answer.

Umm, no it is not the answer.

I have heard/read people say that they tried bi and it wasn’t for them.

While I applaud them for trying it… and knowing it is not for them… is it really something that you have to try?

I mean… I know that I do not want to climb to the top of Mount Everest. I do not need to try to climb to the top of Mount Everest to know I don’t want to climb it…

I also know that from a very early age, there was something in me that wanted to explore sexually another female. I know that I have had a number of dreams about being with a woman sexually. I know that I have been approached as a young college student by a girl who really wanted to be my girlfriend. I know that I wanted to explore that and her but did not because I was afraid to deal with the consequences of it at the time. I know that when I find a woman in the lifestyle that is really into me and me into her it is a great experience.

I did not have to try it to see if I like it.

I don’t need to try collard greens to know I won’t like them. I can look at them, smell them, watch them being cooked and no that I am not likely to like them. I like fresh spinach and sauteed spinach but not the canned spinach. I don’t need to try it to see if I like it… so why the ‘tried bi and didn’t like it?’

I am just not sure why they feel they need to try it.

Do you try a ‘heterosexual’ partner out and decide that you don’t like him/her even if nothing about him/her appealed to you? Not even the desire to have fun sexually with them? Why try it out if you know nothing really appeals to you about it?

I have heard some guys share with me their willingness to try bi for me.

I am honest here… I am thrilled and annoyed by those statements…

I am thrilled because if they are in fact wanting to have the experience of exploring their bisexuality it is great…

But then I remember them saying ‘to try bi for me’…

Awesome, a male bi playtime to thrill me…

It is not the seeing the guys suck or fuck each other that gets me turned on… but to see the passion, the enjoyment, the desire for the experience that turns me on…

I am not talking deep passionate kissing and all that stuff… what I am talking about is the desire to explore this for their pleasure not mine.

Just like I don’t like the girl girl bi play for show for the same reason.

Seriously, if I want to touch boobies or pussy… I got my own. If I want to be fucked by a dildo… I got my own. If I want to kiss someone… I would rather kiss someone who wanted to kiss me rather than any ol’ girl would do… it is for show remember, not for ‘real’.

I have more to add to this… but I will add it tomorrow.

I haven’t been posting everyday lately… and it is because I am really busy with some other things… but I do have so many things I want to talk about…

Muah Sophia

Swinging and the Issue/Preference of Race

Here is my comment from a thread on Kasidie that I wrote.

“I am a girl who likes to fuck a whole person rather than bits and pieces of what I like. I do not make my decisions on who I will fuck or talk to or get to know based on one particular ‘thing’ rather the entire person. I am happier that way. I have met some great people, had some awesome experiences and never has it been based on skin color, race or ethnicity.

We have been told that our swinging adventure was over because at a house party here in North Carolina, I had the audacity to make out and fuck a guy from another race.  To make matters worse, that couple gave us a certification and we gave them one too… We heard that people wouldn’t contact us because I had sex with a black man.  Their message didn’t seem to stick with me as he wasn’t the only one I had met and enjoyed playing with… guess they didn’t really know me well enough to know, I don’t give a shit what you think and am not going to alter my life for you and your opinions. Our swinging adventure wasn’t over… it had just begun since that was just a few months after we started in 2013.

In December on another site we received an email. At the time, all of our pictures were in locked galleries except my white t-shirt picture… that was the only picture anyone could see… a white t-shirt and a nipple… and on this site, it does not ask us what our skin tone is…

The email we received looked like they just cut and pasted their entire profile into the body of the email. On and on the email went with all kinds of information that I did not need to know about in the first email from them.

One sentence kinda rubbed me wrong.

“We do not play outside our race.”

That is awesome… good for you… you can have your preferences… but you are sending a verbal vomit opening email to a profile that you do not know what race they are. You have no idea what race I am under the white t-shirt.

I waited a few days to respond. I needed to wait to respond… It really irritated me and I am white. We have a few family members that are another race. So, you know what… it really made me want to unleash upon them my opinions on what they sent us.

In the meantime, we looked at their profile and without the email, this couple did nothing for us… with the email… cemented the fact that we didn’t want to meet them… and we ignored their first request for us to open their pictures to us… again, I was trying to figure out the wording to them. I was going to respond… just needed some time to ‘edit’ what  I wanted to share with them… I live in the South… where bless your heart is often said… but I am from the Midwest… we often tell people the bare truth without sugar coating and politically correct wordage… you know like “You are dumber than a box of rocks…”

We received another email from them requesting ‘we be fair to them’ and let them see our pictures…

I had finally figured out what to say to them…

“It is perfectly well that you have your preferences, thank you for sharing your preferences with us. However, we took offense by what you wrote in your email and specifically about playing outside your race. Since you do not know what race we are… that was a bit rude. Maybe, you should start off with a slightly less offensive opening line… find out what race the person is before you demand to meet, demand to see our pictures, and telling us to be fair to you in opening our pictures up to you.”

I believe you are entitled to your preferences, I am just curious if you need to be an asshole when presenting your preferences.

Sometimes, keeping them quiet and simply stating, ‘I don’t think we are a match’ is a better way of swinging and being a decent person in general.

Just my thoughts…

Muah Sophia”

I understand completely that some people are not attracted to certain people with certain characteristics, traits, physical appearance and race.

I am not saying that a person cannot decide that they are not attracted to a certain race.

You have every right to be attracted to whomever or not attracted to whomever for whatever reason.

What I do not understand is why you have to announce it in your profile?

How often do you really have hundreds of emails per day from people who have the type of ‘whatever’ you don’t find attractive that you have to post… NO whatever…

Whether is it bald, long hair, blonde hair, fair skin, dark skin, tall, short, skinny or fat… whatever it is… do you have to list what you don’t like?

If you must tell the world what you like because you are the most important and hot person out there and everyone is dying to fuck you…. can’t you pose it as a positive instead of a list of all you don’t like?

It is possible to do just that… you just have to want to choose to do what is nice and positive rather than rude and negative.

Can you list instead of “No bald men, no men shorter than 5’8″, no cocks smaller than 5 inches” or “No women with C cup or smaller breasts, no taller than 5’8″, no heavier than…” maybe, “I have a certain type of man or women that I am always attracted too, it is easier to look at the pictures and read profiles to see if the person has the ability to turn me on… if you do not match the type I enjoy, please don’t take offense if I say we are not a match.”

Yes, you can…

I know the argument that will start about now is why deal with all the people who are not my type applying for a play date?

Again, is your inbox really overflowing with hundreds of couples wanting you?

If it is, is it really hard to use a standard go to line “Thanks for the email, unfortunately, we are not a match.”

When it comes to the issue of race… have you ever asked yourself how many people you turn away because of how you state “We only fuck our own race.” Even if a profile reading your profile doesn’t want to fuck outside their own race… they can find it offensive and demonstrative of your inability to function appropriate in social settings.

Rudeness is not sexy. You may think you have every right to state your preferences… and you do… but do you really have to be an asshole while doing it?

I know I asked that before in my forum post… but you know what… it is a great question to ask more than once and really think about your answer.

Happy Swinging!

Muah Sophia

I Can’t Speak For All Women… or Swingers…

After the last post, I did a quick google search on men’s insecurities with sex and penis sizes. OMG! You would not believe the number of options on this topic. There are a ton of them… As a woman who enjoys having sex with men… and enjoys cocks of almost all sizes… and enjoys a variety of cocks and the men who are attached to them… I don’t get this huge area of insecurity…

I read 9 of the articles and blog posts of countless numbers… and in those 9 articles, the same things were mentioned in all of them… It can be based on one word… assumptions.

So many men according to these articles and studies… assume women want big, thick cocks. Few men have ever asked their partner if they want a big, thick cock or an average cock or a slightly smaller cock.

As a woman before swinging… and as a swinger… I cannot tell you the size of most of the guys I have been with… but I can tell you what guys knew how to use their cock. If I am being honest… I can mention the few times I have been impaled with a large cock and wasn’t that thrilled with it…

Yes, that means… I am not a size queen. I do not want nor need a large cock to beat the shit out of my cervix. Not one of my partners that were in the large size range bothered to tell me of their large size prior to impaling my cervix. I sure wish they had.

I have had a few guys brag that they are huge and think that I want a big cock. It turned me off and we never met and if we met, never had sex. A large cock is not a winning argument.

I have more men tell me that they have a small cock. And apologize for it.

I am not sure why the apology.

I mean, did you have a larger snap on cock you could have chosen that day, but instead snapped on the smaller cock?

To me, apologizing for something you have no control over… is umm, dumb.

Should I apologize for the birthmark I have under my arm?

I will be honest… if a cock is like 2 inches fully erect… yeah, not really going to be much fun for me… I do like to actually be penetrated and feel it…

There was this one guy at a house party once that was quite small. Fully erect. He did however, while using his cock… give me one great orgasm.

Why was this remarkable? Because he knew his size was not great and still made a great experience for me.

I think that is the difference between a guy who has penis size insecurity and one who has come to terms with what he has and has learned to make the most of it…

One point made repeatedly in these articles and studies was that porn has made more men insecure.

This cracks me up in how ridiculous this is… porn in this case is the same for men and women… they are not as likely to show a woman who has stretchmarks from giving birth to a couple kids, a little extra weight, average looking or less than hot… what would be the point? I am not talking about the homemade porn, but those that are shot and have scripted dialogue… (which I never listen to… I don’t care about the back story… I want to see the men)… in regards to men… they are going to show men who they feel meet the qualifications of hot and have a desirable cock. That attracts viewers. A small cock on an overweight man is not going to get a whole lot of viewers…

Yet, men think that the ideal shown on porn… a fit man with a great cock… is what all women want… It may be what gets women to watch the porn… and gets them off… but don’t you think that most women in real life know they are not living in a porn flick?

And if the woman has chosen to be with you… she realizes this isn’t a porn flick?

But according to these articles… men focus on the idealization from porn as a real life indication of what women want.

So does that mean you expect all women to look and act like a porn queen?

See, makes no sense…

Another point made in the articles… most men do not see very many cocks, do not touch very many cocks, and do not talk about the variances in cocks.

Think about that one for a minute or two…

If you would look at other cocks, touch other cocks, talk about other cocks…

OMG! That would make you GAY!!!!

Just joking. It won’t make you gay to look at another man’s cock and find out some details about his cock…

It might be awkward… but then again, I am writing a blog post about swinging… swinging puts you in small locations where you can actually umm, see, touch, and talk about cocks with your wife, the other man, the other wife… and a lot of other cocks… depending on your adventure…

All you have to do is talk about it… ask about it… look at it… touch it…

And again, this is not about being gay or bisexual… it is about being in control of your sexuality. Being secure in your sexuality. Being open to discussion and that includes awkward moments talking about cocks.

Doesn’t that seem to be the basis of most insecurities? Whether male or female, the lack of communication is what causes many people to hold onto their insecurities. They keep their insecurities deep down inside thinking no one can see them… and if no one can see them then no one will question them… and if no one will question them… then no one will make you address them.

I knew a guy who was afraid to talk to his wife about wanting to swing again. He said it with me many times, but never had the… hmm, guts maybe to talk to his wife about swinging again. He spent a considerable amount of time lying to her and manipulating her. Having one real conversation where he actually said all he wanted to say to her would have taken only a fraction of time compared to all the manipulating and lying he did. He was afraid she wouldn’t love him anymore if he was honest. I think the reality of it was, he didn’t want to hear no if he asked directly. I also found the irony of him being afraid to be honest with her… and spent so much time lying to her and manipulating her when if I was that wife… I would be far more pissed that he was lying and manipulating me rather than being honest with me….

Insecurities make people do some stupid shit. Really stupid shit. It can mess you up in many ways.

There were a few play partners that worried so much about their cock size being pleasing that they couldn’t get hard. A hard 4 inch cock is much more pleasing than a limp 4 inch cock… To me that would be obvious. To them, not so much.

One potential partner was so worried he wouldn’t please me orally that he told me over and over how he is not very good orally… I chose not to meet him at all. I don’t want to have to spend all my time reassuring you. Who would? If you fear you are not good at oral… I don’t know, study up on it. I don’t want to hear how you will fail me before you even try. What if you do whatever it is you do that makes me have one of the best orgasms of my life? But because you annoy me with your insecurity before we even meet, I choose not to meet…

Insecurities make a person selfish, self-centered, and often rude.

Think about it… you have a 5 inch cock and you think I want a 12 inch cock. You decide to worry about it to the point you can’t get it hard… then you have a pity party because you couldn’t get hard because you focused solely on your cock size being inferior… You are being selfish by thinking you are the only one in this equation… you aren’t. It is you and me having sex… so, maybe you could get your focus off you all the time and ask me… what size cock do I like…

I would be more than happy to tell you my range of fun sized cocks are between 5 and 8 and the best is about 6 to 6.5 inches… you know… it really hits the spot… so it could be said that is my sweet spot… But depending on the position we are fucking in… smaller hits this one spot perfectly… and if we are doing this other position… OMG… 7 or 8 is perfect… but for most positions… 6 is perfect…

Ah, it goes back to communication and realizing that there are two people involved… and if you are worth my time to get to know you… is your cock size really going to make a huge difference?

Let’s be honest… yes and no… for me… too large is too large… too small is too small… but if you are between a range… even beyond what I just mentioned… and you know how to use your cock…

You see, I did have a guy was larger than 8 inches… he asked me what size is perfect for me… I had no idea his cock size at this point… I relayed something to him similar to the 5 – 8 range and why it is good for me… and when we had sex… he put those words into effect… he wouldn’t go all the way in hard and fast until I was ready for it… he would only go in some of the way in other positions according to what I told him… He was 9 inches… and when we did this one position he was able to go all the way in… hard and fast… and it was because my pussy was so very much ready for all of him…

All that to say… it is not really the size of a cock… it is the ability of the owner of the cock to pay attention, listen, control, and appreciate their partner…

When my pussy was ready to take him all in… he pounded hard, he pounded fast… he came as hard as me… it was good… he knew what the fuck he was doing… and that was a good thing… A very good thing…

He was not good because he was large.

He was good because he realized it is not the size of his cock… but his ability to please with his cock… and isn’t that what a girl wants?

Work on your insecurities… male or female… work on them and get passed them or at least get to the point you can leave them at home… everyone will have a better time…

Muah Sophia

Swinging and Single Men and Married Men… an Interesting Combination

A thread I have going on Kasidie has taken an interesting turn. One that I am finally happy was admitted. He feared that his wife would enjoy a man who was larger, become a size queen, and he would be a cuck.

I wonder how many men feel that way… feel like they will be a cuck if their wife has a thing for single men who are larger than he is…

Then I got to wondering about whether or not the man has issues about his cock size… and if that is a factor in who they play with…

And you know that got me thinking about insecurities…

And back to insecurities about swinging and single men.

What are the insecurities married men have about single men?

I think the post on the aforementioned thread is common. They are afraid some other guy will have a better cock. They will have better skills in certain areas and that will make their wife want the better cock and/or better skills. And then there is the whole what if the wife likes the other man better than him overall.

That is a valid fear if you think about it… some women may find their husband’s cock lacking. They may find their husband’s skill lacking. They may find their husband overall lacking. It is a real possibility.

Do you avoid swinging and single men?

Often it is not the swinging that is avoided… it is the single men… take away the temptation or the possibility and that should be good enough… but is it? Is it good enough? Will it work?

The answer is quite obvious…

No it will not work.

Manipulation of your wife and your swinging adventure if you are on one… is not the answer…

I would love to tell you that it is simple… but it isn’t… but it is plain to see what you need to do…

Instead of trying to manipulate the situation or your wife… get in touch with what you need to do… yep… it is not avoiding swinging or single men… it is get a grip on what you need to do…

Let me explain.

If you fear that your wife will want a better cock… really there is nothing you can really do about your cock. It is what it is and there is never a better situation than that to use that line – your cock is what it is… you have to accept your cock. Be proud of your cock. If you are 2 inches or 12… be proud of your cock. Or let the insecurity of your cock go… I mean seriously… have you ever looked at the genitalia of a women in an objective manner… you know like if you were a gynecologist rather than a man who likes pussy. A gynecologist will look at a woman’s genitalia objectively. No two women’s genitalia looks the same. It can be lighter or darker… it can have everything all nicely tucked in or hanging out at all different lengths… it can be tight or loose… it can very different… do you not think women understand their pussy looks different than other women’s pussy… and then there is their breasts…

Unlike a woman who has issues with her breasts… there is little you can do about your cock’s size. You can try all kinds of advertised products and techniques, but come on… we all know that you have not aroused and aroused as your two options… speaking of which… I don’t understand guys who have issues with their cock in the not aroused state around women when they are naked… do you not realize we understand that you cannot be hard 24/7? Why all the anxiousness about a cock in its relaxed state? Again, something I do not get about a guy and their insecurities regarding their cock.

Which brings me to this point… your fear that your wife will like another man’s cock more… is your issue… not your wife’s and placing the ‘bullshit’ on her because of your insecurity is bad… very bad, not only as a swinger but as a husband. Get a grip on your cock insecurities or get out of swinging… Believe me… as a women who has had experiences with guys with cock insecurities… or saw the responses to their wife enjoying a ‘different’ cock… I ask you… get the fuck out of swinging if you can’t get a grip on your cock insecurities…

The next one is you are afraid another man, particularly a single man… will have better skills regarding sex… than you.

If you are sitting here hoping I will be kind and gentle and tell you some false affirmation…

OMG, I am laughing at that… I am not in the habit of giving false affirmations…

I will give authentic affirmations… but life is too short to give false affirmations because your insecurities are keeping you from improving…

And that is the key… improve.

If you think your wife likes someone else’s skills better… the answer is not limit your wife’s pleasure… it is to improve your skills.

Seriously… if you are not pleasing your wife or other women orally… find out why. Ask someone who is not appearing happy with your efforts.

Yes, it may be hard, awkward, even embarrassing… but think of the alternative… you are not good at a certain skill… everyone knows it… even you… and you are too afraid or let’s say it… lazy to improve… it is on you. No one else can take blame for it… just you.

Harsh I know… but as a women who has been on the receiving end of some guy’s belief they are great at something… you may need to have honest feedback or at least pay attention to the feedback you are receiving…

It is not because a single man offers more to your wife… it is because the single man wants to impress and please your wife… ask yourself if you are wanting to impress or please your wife… and if you can’t say that you are doing all you can to impress your wife or please your wife… then it is on you.

And if the thought has gone through your head that there is no way to impress a wife of X amount of years… you are about as stupid as they come.

If you can’t work up the initiative to impress your wife by learning something new or improving how you do something, then you are stupid to think other women are going to be impressed with your lackluster skills.

Again, this is not about a single man making you less to your wife… it is about you being less to your wife by your own choosing.

This goes particularly well with the last one… you are afraid your wife will like a single man more than you and that is why you will keep single men out of your swinging adventure…

Three main thoughts come to mind and I can’t decide which one should come first… I will just throw them out… 1. look at yourself first before you think your wife will want another man as to the man you are for your wife. 2. if you think your wife is that unhappy with you in bed and out of bed… look at yourself first. It is your insecurity and lack of work on yourself that is the greatest threat to your marriage. 3. get out of swinging if you can’t get a grip on your insecurities to the point you are manipulating your wife and your swinging adventure.

You may be asking yourself why I keep saying manipulating your wife.

Here is why.

If your insecurities are defining your swinging adventure and you use your insecurities to plan the course of your adventure and not being honest with your spouse… you are manipulating your spouse.

Swinging should be a joint venture… both partners with equal say in swinging. If you refuse to entertain a single male as part of your adventure because you claim none are good enough… but the truth is you fear your wife will like them better than you… you are manipulating your spouse.

Here is the thing… if you wife wants to fuck single men… wants to hall pass with single men… wants a threesome with a single man… and you refused… do you really think the urges will ever go away?

Not likely.

It usually becomes a point of contention or a strong enough desire to cause some damage in your relationship.

Get a grip on your insecurities and fully embrace what swinging is about… it is about fulfilling your desires… and when you are a part of a couple… your desires have to consider your spouses. If you have insecurities that are keeping you from allowing your spouse to fully enjoy their adventure… get out of swinging. It will not be a good adventure for you or your spouse.

Muah Sophia

A Man Taking The Lead… Swinger Style

I was texting a friend yesterday and the conversation went as it usually does… we started on one topic and it quickly went to 4 or 5 other topics… The topic went from identifying possible swingers in vanilla settings to people who look at their profile multiple times and don’t respond to him when he says hi as a follow up… drives him crazy.

To me, it doesn’t matter if someone looks at our profile 20 times in a 3 month period… or daily for a week… or one a month – every month…doesn’t matter at all.. here is why…

“If they view us multiple times and say nothing I won’t say anything to them. They don’t have balls enough to say hi. I am not interested. I like, no love a man who takes the lead. I reward a man like that very well.”

All of that is very true…

I am NOT A SUBMISSIVE girl at all… I am not saying I want the guy to dominate me. I state this often and it pretty much goes right past them and they see ‘I want a guy to take the lead’ to mean, I am submissive, please dominate me.

That is not what I mean.

What I mean is, I want a guy who will take the lead. A guy who has the ‘guts’ or ‘balls’ or ‘initiative’ to make a move.

This is important. If what many claim is true… a guy is most likely the one perving the profiles, managing the profile, looking at the pictures… so… if you are looking at our profile multiple times and you do not contact me… I assume (doesn’t matter if I am technically right or wrong, if you have never contacted me after perving our profile multiple times… I am stating here I am right… see, I am not a submissive girl)… that you do not have the guts, balls, initiative or permission to move forward.

That is not sexy. Doesn’t matter if you are the hottest man on earth… a man who cannot take the lead and will just look and look and look… is not sexy.

A man of action is sexy to me.

A man who initiates conversation with me after perving our profile is sexy to me.

A man who initiates conversation after perving our profile is able to take action and that leads me to believe… when we meet, he is able to take action.

And I often find that to be true… and unfortunately false…

There are some guys who will initiate conversation but cannot move past that… again that is because they do not have permission to move forward and they live in ‘HOPEville’… you know “I hope someday my wife will be on board with swinging”… again, that is not sexy. Not at all…

But the guy who can initiate a conversation and has permission from his spouse to actually swing and start conversations with others for the purpose of swinging… that is very sexy…

Why is this important?

Well, other than I am a swinger who actually likes to and does swing as in have sex… it is a great way for me to see what the guy is like personality wise and how likely he is to make it happen…

And I am not even talking about sex yet… I am talking about making a date happen.

I don’t look at them as being real or fake… it is more than that… a person who has a swinger profile on a swinger site is actually real… a person had to open the profile… that makes them real… the split hair portion of this is…

They may not be on a swinger site to fuck others. Their intention may be to ‘view profiles’. Their intention may be to ‘wish to swing’. Their intention may be to ‘attend sexually social activities’. Their intention may be to ‘make swinger friends but not have sex’. Their intention may be to ‘make dates and flake because they are afraid or shy or the people they are meeting look nothing like they want to fuck’…. but all those people are real.

They are just not what you want to interact with because they do not have the same intentions as you… and it also goes into the belief that many swingers have that they are so sexy, so awesome, so hot that everyone wants them… and the reality is… that is not true.

So, for me… a guy who has confidence, has initiative, has guts, balls, and a desire to make contact tells me… that the likelihood of them being able to arrange a date and show up for the date is a good one…

Now, this does not mean he has to do everything… not at all… But he has to have the ability to make things happen. Express his desire to meet. Discuss his schedule with me and how this can actually happen. And then work with me to make plans.

When we meet… the guy needs to be able to take the lead and make a move… let me know he is happy to meet me. Let me know he is able to flirt and make me want him. These are important… you may have gotten me excited when texting or emailing… but if you can’t do this in person… I am so not turned on… and so not interested in getting naked… largely because I don’t believe you and I will get naked… because… you can’t take the lead and let me know you want me…

I want a guy who can let me know when enough talking has taken place… I want him to make me know with the touches, kisses, words, and looks that he is ready to move to more intimate behavior… he has to be able to communicate this…

And then… all kinds of fun things can happen… because he knows how to take the lead…

I know… this can be confusing… swinging is considered an area of where the woman is in control… she has the final say…

I agree… but at the same time… if you don’t make it clear to me, you want me… I won’t take the lead… I tell you that I want you before we meet… and I am paying attention to what you are saying… I am laughing and smiling and have made my desire for you known… and you do nothing about it… doesn’t matter if I have control… I can’t control you…

This is true for a hall pass or a couple date… doesn’t matter if your wife is there or not… I expect the same behavior in both situations… if you can’t take the lead… I will take the lead and move on… it truly is that simple. Honest it is.

A man who can take the lead and let a woman know he wants her… and her alone at that moment… makes a great impact on the woman… and like I said to my friend… I will reward the man for taking the lead… very well rewarded.

Muah Sophia

Swinger Engagement – A Man’s Perspective

I had a conversation with a male reader (you would be surprised how many readers are male… lol) and he wanted to discuss my blog posts about engagement… swinger engagement. It was an interesting conversation to say the least… he wants engagement, he doesn’t want engagement, he wants her to engage him but not all the time, but when she doesn’t engage him, he is upset…

I laughed and said to him… ‘you sound like a girl’.

He said, ‘I do, don’t I?’

Here is his conversation we had… I do have to tell you, that most of the conversation was him talking and me listening. Believe it or not, I do this often… if someone has something to say, I will let them say it… And if they have this much to say, they really need to say it. I will also add that I corrected some of his spelling mistakes.

I want a woman to engage me. It is quite simple. I want a woman to tell me and show me she wants me. I just don’t want too much of it. Do you know what I mean? There is a fine line between engagement swinger style and wanting to be engaged to me. If they act like my wife, I am out of it. I want someone who is fun, sexy, flirty, and wants me. I don’t want another wife. Does that make sense? I don’t want to be bothered constantly by the woman who thinks I need to have 24/7 contact with her. There are days where I don’t have anything to say and you can only say you want her so often before you get tired of saying it. I am serious, what do you think?

I get what you are saying. There is something very hot about having a great conversation with someone, but not all day, every day. When you think about why a person is engaging you, for sex… it should be sexy fun. I think we are talking about engagement versus the ‘friend’ zone communication. For some it appears to merge quickly to the friend zone and they forget the wanting sex part. I have had a few guys who thought of me as one of the guys, a spouse to complain about work with, and other less than sexy things. So I think we are on the same page. I agree there are days when I am not able to form a complete sentence and then I have to carry the whole conversation… that usually gets me a bit upset. LOL.

You do get where I am coming from, I have friends that I can talk about a lot of topics, you included. But I am not wanting that with every single woman I try to engage for sex. There is a huge difference. I have a wife and kids, I don’t need another family’s responsibility because you want me to act like your husband or boyfriend. On the other hand, I get upset that women don’t think they need to engage me. I am tired of having to try to get a woman who says she wants to meet us to talk to me. I get upset with my wife when she acts that way to other men. If you do not want to engage a person before we meet or while we meet, sex is not going to happen. I am not going to waste my time trying and trying to get a woman to talk to me before we meet or while we are meeting. 

A few months ago a couple approached us and we responded we would like to meet them. The husband and I made the arrangements. He asked if he could talk to my wife to get to know her some. I gave her KIK out and he gave me his wife’s KIK. He then tells me she rarely talks to anyone before we meet in person. I had to wonder, why ask to talk to my wife then if your wife won’t talk to me? That is fucking stupid. I asked my wife to limit the amount of communication with this husband until his wife communicates with me. She reluctantly agreed after I explained that I am tired of boring as shit dates with people who do not flirt or talk or show us they want us. She was reluctant because she really wanted him. 

The wife didn’t respond to my “Hi, thought since we are going to meet, I would say hi and get to know you a bit. I am looking forward to meeting you.” A day and a half later I sent a message to her asking “I won’t bother you if you are not interested in chatting with me. Could you let me know if you are interested in getting to chat before the date?” I received the following text back. “I really don’t like to text.” I asked her if she would rather email back and forth. Nothing. Two days later we had our date. I didn’t want to go to the date. My wife had only 4 texts with the husband. She told him in the first text that ‘we have a rule to text as equally as possible with our partners, meaning if your wife doesn’t text my husband, I won’t be texting you very much or at all.’ She thought it would encourage the husband to get the wife to text me at least in response to my efforts to find out if she wanted any engagement at all. The other husband wasn’t really that happy with the ‘rule’ we just made up in this case and sent quite a few texts my wife didn’t respond too. It was awkward to say the least. 

We go to the date and they did what you say you hate, they sat on one side, we sat on the other. We tried to switch it up, but they sat down first and wouldn’t move. They were boring to talk to as they barely talked. They kept right up next to each other and touching each other and kissing each other. I told my wife I didn’t want to go as I knew it would be like this and it was. We ordered dinner and when the food came I paid attention to my food and ate quickly. I wanted out of there. The husband came right out and asked my wife why she didn’t answer most of his texts. Awkward. My wife was a bit pissed at this time because the date was from hell. She said, ‘I told you if your wife wasn’t going to text my husband, I wouldn’t be texting you.’ The husband told my wife he didn’t think she was serious. The wife just looked at my wife like she was a bitch. 

We knew very little about them from this date and I leaned over and kissed my wife by her ear and said, ‘let’s go’. I asked for our check and the wife asked me ‘why we are leaving?’ I told them both very bluntly, ‘we tried to get to know you before the date and you didn’t want to communicate with me. We tried to have a conversation with you tonight and you barely said anything. You are sitting by each other, touching each other and not paying any attention to us or letting us know you are interested in us. You are actually sending a message you are NOT interested in us. What is the point in staying?’

She had tears well up in her eyes and I have to admit I didn’t believe they were real. She said, ‘you never told me you wanted me.’ I looked at her with disbelief. I couldn’t help what I said next. It is all true. “I don’t want you. I don’t want someone who doesn’t want to get to know me at least a little. I don’t want someone who won’t engage me. I don’t want someone who can’t even respond to a simple text message or at least email me to get to know me. You are sitting there practically on top of your husband and barely look at me or talk to me or show any interest to me. Why on earth would I want you? What reason have you given me to want you?” 

The husband got upset. I decided to let him have it too. I asked him, ‘do you think you showed my wife any respect when she told you to not text unless your wife texts me. You sent her 35 texts in 4 days trying to get my wife to text you back. Then you sit here tonight saying nothing much to either of us and think we want to fuck you. That is just crazy.’ I stayed calmed while saying all of this to them. They just sat there looking like a deer in headlights. My wife got ready to go and the husband says, “I don’t know what your problem is, but that is not fair. We have little experience in the lifestyle and you could have been nicer to us.” I looked at him with disbelief as he is trying to make us feel guilty. I asked him if they act this way to all their dates. He said they did. I asked if they have ever swapped with them. They haven’t. No one would offer to fuck. I couldn’t help it, I told him then rethink how you act and try engaging people, both of you. You are cock blocking yourselves by being cold and impersonal. We got up and walked away. 

They sent an email later bitching at us about how we treated them. I ignored them. Stupid swingers. 

I thought that was a great story. It is hilarious that people think that not engaging people you want to fuck will build interest. It doesn’t. This is certainly something to shake one’s head when you see it.

Muah Sophia



Swingers and Honesty Feedback

I received an interesting comment from someone who read the last post. I guess I touched on a few things that she wanted to share about her own experiences. I have to say, I love it when readers reach out to me with their stories. However, this one is not the usual type of story I receive. It is great to illustrate what dishonesty in swinging can bring into your life.

Sophia, I read your post today and had to write you. My husband is one of those guys who aren’t honest with me. We have been swinging for 2 plus years already. We enjoy swinging and we both participate finding couples we want to meet. I found out recently that my husband is one of those guys who will meet secretly with a wife we met previously. I wondered if this was cheating and I know it is. If you are a swinger and your spouse is a swinger and you swing together there is no reason to hide things. He is, therefore he is cheating. Sophia, I don’t get this. We talked about hall passes and both agreed that if we were asked to hall pass we would talk about it and then hall pass. He never once told me about his desire for a hall pass. He never once ask me or told me he had a hall pass. I found out he has had several with several different women. He is a swinger who is cheating when he doesn’t have to cheat. I mentioned a guy I wanted to hall pass with and told him I wanted to ask the guy to hall pass and what did he think? He said, if I want to hall pass with the guy to go for it. While talking about me hall passing he never even suggested he might want a hall pass. He said nothing. It wasn’t like I was going to be upset with him. I was the person who brought up swinging in the beginning and hall passes. 

We were going to have sex one night, him and I. Our sex life is not as robust as you would think it should be for swingers. We are busy and tired and been together 16 years with three kids. Anyways, I suggest having sex with my husband and he starts acting weird. I didn’t get why he was acting so weird. Then he told me he couldn’t have sex because he has broke out from something. He has a STD. I don’t have the STD. I went to the health department the next day and got tested. I am still clean. He has a STD he didn’t have when we met. He never showed any symptoms before and was always clean on our tests. I demanded he tell me what he was doing. He finally admitted he was hall passing with 4 or 5 women. One of them must have infected him. I asked him how many, no guesses. I asked him when he was going to admit it to me. I asked him why he hasn’t asked for permission. I asked him when he did these hall passes. Why he was lying to me all the time. 

He had no answers that were good enough. A lot of I don’t know shit. I was so mad. He told me that I can’t get too upset that he is having sex, we are swingers. 

I told him that I don’t know if we can stay married. I told him I needed a few weeks to think about this all. During those two weeks I overheard a phone call he had with a female who is pregnant and thinks he may be the father. This means he not only slept with other women without my knowledge, obtained an STD and had sex without a condom and got a woman pregnant. 

I decided I was done. We are getting a divorce. He doesn’t know if he has fathered a 4th kid or not yet. She won’t tell him who all she slept with, how far along she is, or have a paternity test done. He is upset with me for giving up on him.

Like I said, we have started divorce proceedings. Our children understand a little of what is going on, they know that dad may have another child with another woman coming. They are 14, 13, and 11. It is a mess. It is more about him being dishonest but it is also about him being selfish, reckless, and just plain stupid. Our lives have been thrown into chaos because my husband couldn’t be honest. I had thought of the benefits of us having a poly relationship and talked to him about it so that we could expand ourselves. I have found someone that is a great friend, a great lover, and standing by me at this time. I am moving slowly with this but am still moving ahead with life. I don’t know why my husband couldn’t be honest with me. I don’t care anymore. He is the one who ruined our marriage and our children’s lives by being dishonest. It is on him. 


Thanks Krista. I hope you keep in touch and let me know how it goes. And best of luck.

Muah Sophia

Swingers and Honesty, How Common Is It?

I wrote in the last blog post about being a good swinger and saying no to someone. I think this topic goes well with that one… because if you say no to someone because your interests or desires are not aligned, one is being honest. If your interests or desires are not aligned and you say yes for whatever reason compelled you to say yes when you meant no is being dishonest with yourself and others.

I think that is a big deal to me. How can you be honest with me if you are not honest with yourself? I have had a number of people (mostly males) contact us and they will start the contact off with wanting to fuck me… then it turns to where they admit they want to suck and fuck my husband… awesome… but not so awesome at the same time…

You see, I am feeling like I am being kinda used… they obviously want to fuck my husband a great deal and used me to start the conversation… and here is the thing… my husband may not be interested in this very thing… and yet, they will use me to get an ‘in’ with my husband for this activity.

You see, I tell people openly that I love gay/gay porn and I would love to be involved in a MMF… yet, no one actually asked me or my husband if he shares this desire. It is assumed that if I like these things, my husband will do it…

And let’s be honest… bisexual and gay men in the lifestyle are not open and honest… and when you are talking about having a guy fuck you in the ass – male or female being the receiver… you may want to make sure you have the receivers consent… and not the spouses consent… me saying, ‘go ahead and fuck my husband, I would love it’ won’t quite work if said husband is not interested in having his ass fucked by a guy.

Assumptions in the lifestyle are made everyday and it is based on the belief that swingers are hiding things about themselves… and in fact, that is true. Swingers hide a lot of things… one of those things should not be the ability to be honest with the couple or individual you are approaching with your desire to fuck both male and female half…

And you should be honest in your intentions upfront… instead of using one part of the couple to gain access with the other half… and yes, if you noticed the many puns happening in this post, they are intentional and unintentional… but since the examples are about fucking a guy’s ass it is kinda funny.

I find it interesting in other areas of the lifestyle where people are less than honest with themselves and more than bisexuality… but the desire for bisexuality to be forced upon women and hidden in men is one of the main ones… but the desire you have for a person that is not disclosed to your spouse…

Have you wondered how that will play out when you meet and your spouse recognizes how absolutely ga-ga you are about someone and you never let them in on it and they are blindsided? It is not a pretty moment… it is rather awkward for all involved… it kinda ruins the overall thrill of the moment… and kills the desire of the other two folks… and if the person you have these feelings for does not share the same feelings… it kinda thrills and kills at the same time.

Let me explain that… you are ga-ga for me… and I have a desire to meet and fuck you but not on the same level… I am going to feel like I need to hold back some… you know because I am so fucking awesome… JK… but I still need to hold back so that it doesn’t appear wrong in any particular way… and that behavior is going to be noticed… and well… awkward…

However, if you are honest with your spouse and say something like… “I am very interested in (let’s just use my name for the sake of this example) Sophia… I find her extremely interesting, sexy, and I really want to fuck her, but it is a bit more than just fucking her… I want to really get to know her more…” then you and your spouse can openly discuss this as a manner to see where her interests lie in a particular man… or hall passes, or other areas in which you can explore…

When you are not honest, it doesn’t go well.

When a swinger is honest with their potential partner about everything… then you can have a great deal of fun… as long as the honesty doesn’t venture into the creepy zone… I will talk about that later… but at this point… let’s start with…

You are honest about what you want to do with your potential partner. You want to explore A, B, and C… your partner responds with… A and C are okay, but I could do without B… and then you ask… what would you like to do… and your partner responds… I would like to do X, Y, and Z… and you respond… nope, not interested in X, Y, and Z… and your partner says… then you know what… I don’t think we are a match because X, Y, and Z are important to me… and then you guys part ways knowing that you like each other just don’t fit together sexually…

And that rarely happens… it often goes a lot like this…

I want you to wear this, this, and that… (she thinks, no fucking way will you tell me what to wear – but she doesn’t say anything, but knows she will wear the opposite of what you demanded)… you then say… I love doing this to women… and I am very good at it… and she says ok because what if he is very good at it? and then she says… I like this, this, this and this and he thinks… damn I am going to have to make a checklist and make sure everything is done and done in order… and then when they get together… neither is fully turned on because they have these assumed expectations and rebellion happening.

A hell of a lot of miscommunication in that conversation…

Someone telling someone else what they have to do is not always going to go over well… a few changes in the wording and she may want to dress for you… but not when it is an order… asking her ‘what do you like to wear on dates?’ and she says… I love to know what a guy likes and then finding something that pleases us both… She may not wear everything you want… but you get to go on a scavenger hunt to find out what she did and didn’t wear just for you… that is a lot more fun than the alternative mentioned above…

And instead of saying how many other women love what you do… maybe ask what this ONE particular woman likes… OMG… that is a huge bonus for men who do this… ask the woman rather than assume all the other women like what you ALWAYS do…

And instead of asking her what she likes and assuming it has to be done in that particular order… you open a dialogue with her… you know… ask her… does it have to be in that particular order… or can I mix it up with some of the things I love to do? And you will become the most amazing lover to her… because you told her… I heard you and want to please you, but I don’t want to be like every other lover you had… I want to hear and see you respond and respond to your responses….

You may be able to see how swingers being a bit more honest can be a very good thing…

Then there is the honesty about sex, disease and condoms… How many times do people write on their profiles they have to use condoms every time… but the first time they try to slip into your heat… it is without a condom? Or they talk about being disease free on their profile, but when you ask them when their last test was… they have no fucking clue what you are talking about because it doesn’t dawn on them that being tested when about to get naked and start fucking means a STD/STI test not algebra… which if you think about it… you may need algebra to figure out who all they fucked that may have given them the crud they have… so you may want to change the algebra test to maybe… well, not biology… because unprotected sex has biological consequences too… maybe English is out of the question too since they don’t seem to get the communication through English concept… Maybe it will be best to say… I am not asking you about your political science exam… what the hell do you think I am talking about as we are about to get naked… I need to know when you last had a test for STD/STI?

Or just get dressed because that loser doesn’t get tested and thinks it is okay… and if they are sticking their cock in your pussy without a condom despite their profile declaring they never do… you are about to have a very serious and awkward conversation with your doctor when the crud shows up…

Honesty in the lifestyle is necessary… very necessary.

I have started asking and turning people down when they want to text me… I ask them “Does your spouse know you are texting me?” I will even ask them if they will give me their spouse’s contact information so I can verify it. I am sick of playing games with a man (usually a man does this to me) who doesn’t have the balls to tell his wife he is communicating with me. I am sick of reading a Freudian slip when they admit they are hiding their communication with me from their wife. I am also saying no to people who admit they aren’t letting their wife know and won’t. Don’t care their reasons for not telling them… just leave me alone.

I am amazed at how many do not share with their spouse their sexual desires in an honest manner. I have had a great number of conversations where the person tells me they have never shared with their spouse what they want, really, really want… I sit there and think, how very sad.

It is sad… how can you be fulfilled sexually if you are not honest with yourself, your spouse, and your partners…

I know I have said this many times in many blogs… but it is very sad to me.

It also baffles me how many swinger cannot seem to get that telling me how dishonest you are in this area does not turn me on… and does not make me want them. It makes me want to run from them. It may take me a while to do it… there is a part of me that thinks they will change if I encourage or dare them too… but when I recognize that they do not want to change and be more honest… I move on.

Let’s be honest here… I may not have a set ‘type’ of man physically. But I do have a type of man I am attracted to… one who is confident, honest, strong, and wants to be authentic with me…

I am simply not attracted to a weak man who can’t be honest, can’t be confident in what he does, can’t be authentic with me…

So be bold, be honest, be the best swinger you can be!

Muah Sophia

Can You Say No and Still Be a Good Swinger?

I have written a few blog posts elsewhere in other parts of my life today about saying no and being a good person… a lot of people don’t feel that they can say no and be a good person or a person can say no to them and be a good person. We live in a world that thinks every one must say yes all the time and if they don’t, they are… well… wrong.

Can you be a good swinger and say no?

Of course you can.

However, few will think you are a good swinger because all they want to hear is yes. Yes, your fantasy isn’t my fantasy but I will do if for you anyways because you are so hot… is what people want to hear when the truth is – no, nope, not a chance… it isn’t my fantasy and I really don’t wanna…

I received an email from a single man who shared with me his fantasy he wanted me to play out… and well, I didn’t want to do it… nothing in it sounded fun… nothing was what I liked… and well, I told him so… instead of sending another note back with just wanting to get to know me and what I MAY like, he sent nothing in response.

Wasted opportunity? Not really, he wasn’t really my ‘type’… and well, it wasn’t likely to go anywhere… but in this case… the example works… he got a no and that was it… and you know it could have been an opportunity to develop a conversation…

Is there anything with telling a person no?

Not really, it just isn’t what people want to hear… it hurts their ego and/or feelings… swingers really do think they deserve yeses everywhere they go… everything they want… they are swingers after all.

And yet, there are many who fail to understand… any question you ask of another person can end up as a YES or NO… and if you ask a question you really should understand what the two main answers could be… YES or NO… and NO is a valid answer on its own.

Ahh, that was a hard statement to read wasn’t it… a NO is a valid answer on its own… people think and demand that others tell them WHY A NO IS GIVEN… and no one owes anyone a reason for their NO and every one seems to demand a reason.

No as an answer on its own deserves no explanation. It is an answer. When someone asks you a question and the answer is YES you are never expected to give a reason why the answer is yes… it is simply accepted.

However, a no demands an explanation, not because it is needed but wanted. People want to know why they got a no so they can… wait for it… make you feel bad for saying no. Sales people work you over hard when you say no. They will wear you down until you buy whatever gizmo they sell that you do not need.

Swingers want to know why you said no… for no other reason than to make you feel bad for rejecting them… they claim it is for them to know more about their approach… but it not the real reason… They want to know why you rejected them so as to be bitter about you choosing to reject them for – your made up stupid reason for rejecting them.

Some will write horrible emails demanding to know and then getting even more upset when you tell them why you said no…

Some will throw a fit in front of you in parties and other settings…

It is scary when you read the email or see it happen in front of you… it if funny afterwards of course when your are not feeling attacked… and when you realize after the fit they through they verified why your NO was a good answer…

And when you are told know… you may feel a bit rejected and your feelings may be hurt… but it is a part of swinging and life…

I think it is harder to say no once you start to get to know a person. You think you know them and then something happens that just keeps nagging you… to the point where you know you need to say NO soon as the nagging only gets worse… and then you do tell them no…

Sometimes they don’t take the no seriously and continue the contact… and sometimes you may give in… and then you sit there with that nagging feeling again… until you say no again and make it a firm no with no room for contact again…

And the nagging ends and you find peace… and you realize that the no was needed, you are a good swinger… and not dealing with it anymore is a good thing…

Sometimes they send a response back and go on and on as to why they did what they did and then how you are wrong for your feelings and your decision… and all the while you are thinking… I said no. It does not matter what you say to me… how you justify what you did or didn’t do… I said no. It doesn’t matter if you blame me. I still said no. I have a right to say no.

In all things sexual, when a person says NO, that is all they are supposed to say and the person is to stop… whether it is kissing, touching, or intercourse… they are to honor your no… however, we know just because they are supposed to honor it, many do not. Rape and sexual assault happens… we know this… deep down in every level, we know this. Yet, rape and sexual assault happens.

Saying no in any case… whether it is against a sexual advance or even a bit of interest in another swinger… when a person says no, they should only have to say one word… no… but as a whole… society expects people to explain their no… and then it is rarely accepted graciously… heck… the evidence is all around us every single day… especially since the election… people said no to one candidate and yes to another and people are having a hard time accepting it.

Swingers fall into this category as well… we want what we want and we want people to want us… and to hear a no… we have to know why they don’t want us… as in what is wrong with them that they don’t want us… and if we force a reason from their mouths we can see why they are so fucking nuts to not want us… and damn they have to be crazy to not want us…

If we fail to say no when we want to say no… we usually have regrets… like – OMG I so regret fucking him or her… type of regrets… Why? Because we couldn’t tell our spouse no and have it accepted… we got talked into or guilt tripped into meeting and fucking them… or we meet for an endless dinner with some of the most boring people… because we didn’t feel like saying no and having them ask us why not?

It is funny how many stories I have heard since we started swinging of people wanting to say no but not feeling like they could because they feared drama or causing drama.

I want every one who swings to remember two things…

  1. You can say no and be a good swinger.
  2. Others can say no to you and still be a good swinger.

Pretty stinking simple if you ask me… yet, it is so very, very hard for most people to accept both of those two simple things…

Let your ego relax a bit and realize not everyone wants what you want, when you want, how you want, or want you… and it is okay. The world is full of people who will want you… it just may not be the one or two people you have your heart set on…

Go out and explore this sexually social adventure with a new understanding of the word NO!

Muah Sophia