Monthly Archives: October 2019

And Submission Means

It appears my husband and I are not on the same page as to what submission means. We have talked about rewards for following directions… and punishments for not following directions. We have gone over rules… and we have talked about what his hard limits are… and oddly enough, in those conversations we talked about what submission means.

I swear he was there when I was having those conversations with him… I even asked him if he understood, had any questions, listened to his comments… and well damn… I need to make sure I didn’t speak in tongues because it was like I had said not one damn thing at all.

The two options were discussed on Friday night and he picked the more fun option. I was excited about the option he picked… of course I would be… and he was excited about the option… I mentioned it over the course of the weekend… I asked if he wanted out of the cage before Monday at 9 am… he said no… he would wait… I say, so you want to wait until Monday at 9 am? Yes he says…

Monday at 9 am I am waiting for him to come to me to have his cage removed. I had already told him what I wanted to do leading to the cage removal… I had left plenty of time in my schedule for what I wanted to do… He obviously had other plans…

Like pulling some “I will do whatever the fuck I want” bullshit.

He comes to me at 9 am (good boy on that) and talks to me about his suitcase he is taking on his trip…

What the Fuck?

Seriously, that is what you want to talk about… I am waiting for you… naked by the way and you want to go on and on about your carry on suitcase decision. He leaves the room and at 9:03 he comes back and asks me if I will unlock his cage.

Again, what the fuck?

I laid out the plans so he knew what to expect on Friday night. It is like he ignored me.

And let’s just say that didn’t go over very well. I do not do well at all being ignored.

I mean, seriously…

So he tells me, TELLS me… to unlock his cage.

I go get the key and inform him that is all I will do. He was not here at 9 am ready for what I told him to expect. He then left the room and then came back at 9:03 telling me to unlock his cage.

Well, I am sorry… but that doesn’t fly…

He is the one who wanted to have the cage on… to do this submission thing… he agreed to it and now he is telling me what he is ready to do and what I am going to do…

And submission means…

Telling the person you are to submit to what to do and with an attitude?

Umm, no…

Fuck no.

It gets worse… I tell him he missed his opportunity. He was not here at 9 am… he interrupts and yells at me… he knew I would renege.

OMG!

He did not really say that…

Oh yes he did… several times…

He is yelling at me about this… Refused to stand in one place and have a conversation about it… he is walking around the house away from me as I try to explain to him why I am not reneging… I am addressing his refusal to follow directions and why this will be his punishment… he fucked up this opportunity and will not get any reward…

His voice is raised and so is mine… Good grief… the guy was determined to make this worse on himself.

He refuses to listen to me when I try to tell him the directions were simple. At 9 am on Monday morning be ready to take the cage off. Not 9:03… not telling me what the fuck he wanted me to do… the directions were simple… be ready at 9 am Monday morning.

I had lots of options planned for us at 9 am this morning… but I made sure he knew that he would be very happy after our ‘goodbye’ session because he was deserving of a reward for going so long in the cage… and I had plans on how to make it okay if he could barely last…

I mean the first time we took him out of the cage and I was going to reward him for being a good boy in the cage he came after 3 seconds of being in my mouth for his reward blow job and wasn’t even hard…

The very next day… without being in the cage… I gave him a blow job that didn’t even last one minute… he wasn’t fully hard even…

The point for this morning was to allow him to cum quickly if he needed to… go and masturbate all week while away from me so that when he came back home… and I cleared my afternoon Friday so that I could fuck him when he came home… and well, the stupid man… he fucked that up…

Because now, I cannot reward him for fucking this up. And he did.

I took some time after the initial conversation (using that term lightly) to explain it again to him. He was not submissive.

He was not submissive to me.

He was passive-aggressive (something he knows pisses me off big time)

He was argumentative… and wrong in his position in his argument… that only made it worse…

He says he doesn’t know what submission means… Oh, that was wrong in so many ways… but first… because I told him what it means numerous times… told him to research it… he has watched and read tons of stuff on this… so he kinda was lying…

The issue at hand was the lack of submissive mindset… the lack of submissive attitude… He was rebellious… he was argumentative… he was in fact everything but submissive. The problem with that is that he had yet to really undergo any request that demonstrated his submission…

Yes, he had his cage on… goody for him… but he failed to submit to me or the activity that we were participating in… and this is something that is very common in our marriage… it is why this whole approach is so very exciting for me… for once in our marriage the dominance of my role is fully acknowledged and the submission role that is his is also clearly stated. I was clear as to what my expectations were… and I have treated him with utmost respect and refrained from the humiliation he fears… I refrained until it was clear that he had no respect for me despite me showing him respect…

The power exchanged that had happened over the course of the weeks… it was all gone… the issues between the power differential in our marriage that caused issues (again, not a fan of passive-aggressive behavior and I will call him out on it…) reared its ugly head again…

When he focuses on the fact that he is not a powerful as in an in charge kinda guy… and he doesn’t like to make those decisions and this is a natural way of being… and when he is not wanting to make a decision but feels like he is being weak he attacks… Not physically or cruelly… just very passive-aggressively… and well… when he doesn’t… when he accepts the role of being submissive… things go smoothly.

And not because I see him as a weak man… but because he just doesn’t want to have that on him and I can take it just fine…

This was an epic fail in one regard… we didn’t get to have the fun play time before he left for his week long trip. He fucked that up big time.

It was an epic win in at least one regard as well… He saw he can’t get his way if he is not going to submit… and well, that is the whole point of this… he denied himself his pleasure today… and that may be a lesson he only needs to experience once or twice (yes, I get the irony as he is in a cage to deny his pleasure regularly… but he denied himself pleasure when he was supposed to enjoy it).

If any of you have any advice on this wife/Dom and husband/sub… shoot me an email… I would love to learn some things…

Muah Sophia

While Hubby Is Away

My husband is leaving for five days on a work trip. This is his first work trip away from me since 2008. I have taken a bunch of work trips over the years and love the work trips… and the hall passes that I would have on those trips. I love hall passes. My absolute favorite thing to do in this crazy open marriage we have… I am fortunate to have had the opportunity for hall passes since 2014. I have had a lot of fun… met lots of sexy men… and whether they lived in the same town, across the state or another state… it has been a lot of fun for me.

This week the dynamics are changing… my husband will be the one traveling… I will be the one staying at home… and of course… the old adage of ‘while the husband is away, the wife will play’ is certainly true. I have a play date, well a two-part play date scheduled… I will be meeting him on Wednesday night and then again on Thursday morning…

So… I was struggling on Friday and as my previous blog post indicated… there was a bit of trying to deal with it and hubby and a paddle and a lot of bourbon… and a random text from a potential playmate… he has that status as we were trying to figure out when we could meet for the first time with our schedules… well a random text from him and a comment about ‘sure wish you were free next week while hubby is traveling’ and YAY! we were able to work out the details… for not one but two opportunities back to back to ‘get to know each other’…

When hubby gets home from work Friday night, I tell him what I have planned… meet for dinner on Wednesday night… and play on Thursday… Hubby says, ‘yeah right, you will play both times’…

There is a great likelihood that hubby is 100% correct on that… I am a girl who likes to and regularly does… make the most of the opportunities presented to me… and boy do I love that…

An added bonus… I will be able to try another new bourbon on this adventure… Four Roses… it is the next on the list… during our conversation that included talking about the 3 shots of Elijah and 1 shot of Angel’s Envy Rye he mentioned he had Four Roses… I mentioned that is next on my list… so there you go… two birds with one stone… or something like that…

I was telling hubby that he had two choices… he had been in his cage for more than a week straight as of Friday night… he could have his cage taken off at any time during the weekend since he will be flying out for his trip and cannot wear the cage… all he had to do is say the word and it will be unlocked… however, he could not have sex with me.

Or he could keep the cage on until Monday morning at 9 am. He leaves for the airport at 1 pm. I leave for networking at 10:50 that morning… if he kept the cage on until that time… his reward would be he could see how long he could hold out watching me use my favorite toy… and if he had to, he could jack off… if he could even hold it that long… he keeps complaining about how full his balls are and his cock keeps seeping cum in between getting as hard as it can in it’s smallest cage…

I told him that I would not be fucking him… too much time in a cage while learning how to control his seeping cock…

He opted for holding out until Monday morning…

I have not made it easy on him… I won’t give you all the details right now… but it has not been easy peasy on him… and telling him about the hall pass I have set up for two days while he is gone… and all the fun things I am going to do with this new partner who has to step in and take care of my needs because he won’t last long enough to please me after his cage is removed…

I can’t wait to tell hubby all about the hall pass, with lots and lots of description of the sights, sounds, tastes… touches… mmm, I cannot wait…

I am really enjoying this… and looking forward to this hall pass… for a number of reasons… first… I have wanted to meet this man for a while… two… this is the first hall pass since the cage/paddle/Dom/sub dynamics with hubby… three… my heart needs this… I need this… I need to remember I am stronger than this…

Can’t wait to share how this week goes…

Muah Sophia

A Bonding Experience Unlike Any Other

When it comes to sexual adventures mine appear to have a life of their own. I know I am not an exception to this… by no means do I think I am that fucking special… however, I do enjoy doing things my way… sometimes it is a bit more challenging doing things this way… but it is never boring.

My husband and I are having some fun with the cock cages he has… he has two… and the paddle… and we have other toys… but these are the most recent and the ones that have our attention…

I have read and watched a lot of shit since I first learned about and became fascinated with cock cages back in 2013. I have experienced some things with play partners and that has been a lot of fun, but nothing that moved me to declare myself mistress anything… it is just fun stuff to do with some partners.

Lately, it has been some fun stuff with my husband. He has decided he wants to have a cock cage. And well, he has it… and wears it… and wears it for days at a time. While we were talking about it as we waited for them to arrive, I asked him to write out what he wants from this and doesn’t want from this… of course, he never actually did this… he mentioned one thing… but did not follow directions… and well, that has not gone unnoticed.

He stated he wants to be paddled. Not sure exactly why, but he found this to be his answer. I ordered a wooden paddle. With holes in it. It arrived the very next day.

We tried it out within an hour of me arriving home around lunch time. I got to increase the paddling strength and had paddled him several times until he determined how it needed to feel to feel good.

Yesterday was a tough day for me… some not so good news was delivered to me a week ago yesterday and well… it is the type of news that takes some time to recover from… and while I had been riding the roller coaster of emotions fairly well… better than I expected after the numbness wore off… and the sadness crept in with a healthy dose of tears… and the good ol’ faking being happy because I had to for the other parts of my life… the things that should have helped did… but just somewhat… not enough to get over it… completely… so… it was challenging yesterday.

My husband recognized the struggle and offered his ass for my benefit…

He asked me if I wanted to paddle his ass to let out my feelings… my frustration, my hurt… yeah… that was fucking weird to have that conversation with my husband… in short, he asked if I wanted to smack his ass with a wooden paddle because I was struggling with missing and other things… yeah, another man.

I told him no.

He asked me again.

I told him that I would be paddling his ass because I missed this person.

He said he knows that…

I told him that I miss this man… and I don’t know if this is right… the thing to do…

He said again… you can paddle my ass to feel better.

I again said I would be smacking your ass because I miss another man I…

Yep, he knows.

He walked into the bedroom and grabbed the paddle out of the drawer. He handed me the paddle and told me that I could paddle him as hard as I needed to in order to feel better.

My eyes watered… verge of tears…

Here is my husband… naked on the bed. Handing me a paddle. Telling me to smack his ass. Do this to feel better.

I did.

I smacked his ass.

He told me to do it harder.

I did.

As I did… my heart filled with love. Lots and lots of love. For my husband. He took the smacks on his ass very well. And his ass was quite red.

I told him that I loved him so much. That this meant the world to me.

It didn’t make me miss him any less… the other guy… it didn’t really make the day or night any easier… there is a lot to unwrap in this whole experience before I can fully understand why it made the impact that it did… and why my husband was willing to do that… for me.

I know that I will never feel that way again… I think you only have one experience like that… the first time someone was willing to take the physical pain to help you relieve the emotional pain. This is something that I don’t think I can properly express to anyone what it felt like… what it still feels like.

This whole experience… this whole adventure… this whole mess that it is right now… Amor Fati, it makes more sense… as it often does when you are in the midst of something and can see the bits you need to love as you experience it…

I am very blessed… my husband… the man I am missing… my life…

The bond that is strengthening…

There is more that can be said… I want to say… but for now… I will leave it unsaid…

I am sure I will receive comments about how I am not doing THIS the right way…

I can only say, I am doing this the way it works for me, for us…

Muah Sophia

Power Exchanges… part two

This could be alternately titled… “admitting I am mean to my husband…”

Just joking.

I hope he takes it that way… I have waited and waited and wondered if I should post this one… even with permission from hubby to do so…

I wear dresses a lot. When I say that I wear the pants in the family I crack myself up… and when writing this with a second glass of bourbon behind me… I am seriously sitting here laughing really hard. I don’t actually wear the pants in the house in the traditional sense, but I do have a dominant streak to me that does come out with my husband. And has throughout our marriage… yet, out of respect for him, I do honor the ‘submit to your husband as the head of the household’. I mentioned this before that I have no problem letting my husband have the final say on ‘marriage and family’ matters… it relieves me of the burden of having that on me… and we really do have a fairly 50/50 ish marriage. I will state my opinion on things and then I will argue them if I feel strongly about it… and then I will let my husband make the final say.

And then in most of the other parts of our marriage… I have more influence… or control if you prefer… than my husband. He has often gone back and forth between allowing me this and hating this… yet, even when hating this, he allowed it. He submitted to me. And not because I wore him down in a horrible manner… but more because my tone of voice stated I was not going to back down.

So, back in 2013 I first started looking into cock cages… yep… I found that very interesting. I am not sure I really got off on the humiliation part of it as much as the submission part of it. I liked it when a man would do as I asked of them because I asked them to do it. I liked when a man would volunteer to take it in the ass simply because I asked and they are not interested in bi activity with anyone else… or so they said.

I love when I can debate a point and win against a strong man. When that man allowed what I wanted to be what he wanted.

I love the power exchange between me and a man who I see as a strong man.

And for my husband, I see him as a strong man. I could not submit to him for the marriage/family things that I mentioned earlier if he was not a strong man. I simply could not do that… it would not be as much of a turn on if I had no sense of the strength he has.

So imagine how exciting it is for me to have my husband agree to a few things… one, to allow me to talk about this power exchange on my blog. Respect is important… and I have great respect for my husband… but there is something quite exciting to me to have my husband in a cock cage and standing there naked in front of me. Letting me see his cock all caged up and I hold the key. He wears the cage for several days in a row… he wears the cage at work. He wears the cage at home. He wears the cage out on dates with me and everywhere else.

I love the power I have over him wearing the cage… I mean, it takes a strong man to wear a cage in public… and when you can hear the lock clank against the cage while he walks in public… it is a little chime to tell me he is under my control.

I like hearing that noise. I like feeling that control and that power.

When we got his paddle… his request… he wanted a paddle for when he needs discipline… and I was a bit worried the first time I took that paddle to his bare ass… the second time it was not as scary for me… the third swat… and the fourth when he asked me to ‘do it harder’… I got so wet… my pussy was like a faucet and that was so hot… and then after I finished paddling him I had to rush to the bathroom to cum… and I did hard… fuck, it barely took 30 seconds to have juices running down my leg… fuck it was hot…

I found something very important in playing with my husband when he is wearing his cage… his attention to detail… and by detail I mean his attention to making my pussy feel so damn good is heightened… he is actually concentrating more on what brings me pleasure… and I really thought he would be more distracted… but that is not the case… what a happy discovery… yet, a bit sad… I don’t have a reason to redirect him with a paddle or two to his ass…

There was something so very intoxicating seeing the red marks from the paddle on his ass… fucking intoxicating…

I also noticed that when we are interacting and I go into the natural ‘dominant’ role in our marriage, he is happier. There is a distinct change in his acceptance of this role or position in which he is a natural for… he is in so many ways relieved that he can be submissive instead of having to try to be dominant to a woman who is naturally dominant. It has truly added depth to our relationship… and that is a very good thing…

When I started this series, I was going to talk about the strange position I feel I am in with another partner. This was something that I was trying to accept… how willingly I was able to move into the submissive role for him and only him… ahh, the switch role… but as it happens, life intervened and that role is currently not in play… I learned a lot about myself during the months it was unfolding in front of me… I have no idea if that will ever be a part of my life again… but it was exciting to see it unfold as my husband became more open to the submissive role he appears to be very comfortable in this situation. Oh the adventures that were at our fingertips… if that situation ever comes back around…

Muah Sophia