In the previous post I talked about men and respect and how men tend to value respect more than love even with regards to women they love. So… because I am who I am I thought I would see if at least three men would be willing to let me interview them on being a man, a swinger, respect and love. This is not to say that the men that I am having this conversation with are in love with me… but I wanted to see where this lands when having a conversation.
None of the men I spoke to in regards to these topics is anyone that I am or have been in love with… which means, I did not ask my husband these questions.
I asked in total 7 men the questions and depending on their ‘ability to share’ they moved to the ‘mentioned in the blog’ status. Four men were willing to answer all my questions, three would rather not and their reasons for not are interesting… yet, they did answer most of the questions but not completely. Four of the seven admitted they did have some feelings that they have in the past felt were ‘love’ or at least strong infatuation. Of those seven men asked, six said that they could see falling in love with me based on who I am and four admitted that they know their wives are not a fan of mine because of how they feel about me and it has in fact caused some issues at home. The three that did not admit to their wives being upset that they like me as much as they do said it is largely because they have made sure their wife has no idea how much we communicate and to the depth of that we do.
That is a lot to unpack so let’s begin.
All seven men stated some version of “there is something about you that is so fucking captivating”. And yes, that is one quote from one of the guys. Most of the answers stayed towards the ‘you are so sexually free and open’ and .you have a confidence and sexuality that is so fucking bewitching’. I won’t lie… it was a rush to hear that from them.
All seven men stated something along the lines of… “I wish my wife would be as free sexually as you are…”
All seven men said a version that “It is easy to get to know you and feel comfortable with you” and “I feel like you are one of my best friends as I can share my secret sexual desires and fantasies with you” and “I can share more with you than with my wife about what I want sexually.”
I naturally asked them… “Why is that possible for you with me?”
Four came out and said almost verbatim “because I feel you respect me”.
Three hem-hawed in their answers and said something along the lines of “you share with me as much as I share with you.”
I followed up and asked what each person meant when giving that answer.
~ Never have I felt like sharing with you my deepest sexual fantasies I would be ridiculed or made to feel bad.
~ When I share something big with you, you share something big with me. It is not a contest with you but almost like a ‘thank you for trusting me’ and showing me that you trust me as well.
~ Despite the fact we [wife and I] are swingers, we don’t share our sexual fantasies with each other. I am bisexual but my wife doesn’t want me to be and I can’t share that with her. You get so turned on by me embracing my sexuality that it makes me feel I can be myself around you. No one else really makes me feel that way. I have to hide my bisexuality, even from my wife.
~ I can be honest with you even if I don’t agree with your blog or forum posts. That honesty is valuable to me.
~ I know you are no where near perfect and you embrace your imperfections. You make it easy to embrace my own imperfections. You make it easy to be honest.
~ To be completely honest, I think I have been in some form of ‘love’ with you since we first met online. This was back in 2013 and we started talking. Then we met and had sex. It was a huge blurred line for me. You didn’t always act like you liked me but in part that made me like you more. Now that is fucked up.
~ I am not sure what I will get out of answering these questions. I have deep feelings for you and have for a long time. I am not calling it love but I am certain my wife would not be happy with me if she knew the depth of what I feel for you. I feel these feelings for you because you act like you like me, want me, and respect me. Few women do that when swinging and even fewer wives act that way towards their husbands.
It was at this point I lost three of the guys who were responding to me. I asked the following question “Does your feelings for me as you declared them above cause you to think you love me?”
The three I lost at this point stated the following:
~ I feel something along the lines of love. Is it the same as the love I have for my wife, no. It might be more than what I feel for her most of the time. I am not going to be able to continue to answer your questions. I could get into a lot of trouble with my marriage if I do.
~ Sophia, I think you already know that I have deep feelings for you that are best not defined. I can’t answer anymore of your questions as I can’t be that honest right now.
~ Damn, you may not respect me after I answer this question, but here goes nothing. There is a part of me that has loved you in some way for the last 4 years. If I try to figure out why or how I may realize that I don’t want to be married anymore.
Of course, I followed up on those responses with concern for them and what they answered. All gave me assurances that they aren’t leaving their wives for me… but they were seriously thinking about their relationships with their wives as they found some issues in their marriage (the bisexuality as one example) that need some attention. They do not blame me for these thoughts or concerns in their marriage. They admitted versions of – “this has been an issue all a long” and being asked these questions brings it to mind that they really need to do something about this… and not sure what that will be… one stated, “probably not do anything as it is a marriage and sex is not the only thing their relationship is based on…
I offered each of them apologies if this is because of the questions I asked. Each of those three men stated a version of… “it is what it is” and ‘life is messy’. One pointed out that this is why he can share with me what he has because of my heart being tender with him.
The other four men answered the questions and their answers were not far off of what the others answered… but they went a bit further in their answers.
~ Sophia, You have often explained how love is fluid and can change over time. I agree with you. I can say that I love you without reservation. I do. I love your sexuality. I love your laugh. I love your smile. I love you tits. I love that thing you do with your pussy where you grab my cock and fuck that makes me cum so fucking hard. I love that you love doggy style and that you love anal. I love that you will finger me and I love that you will use a dildo on my ass. I love that you tell me how much you want me and crave me and need me. I love that you tell me that your pussy is mine. I love that I can get you to shut up by bringing you to the edge and then over the edge. I love that you make my cock so sensitive after you suck me dry. I love how you blow my cock. But what I really love is how you make me feel smart. And needed. And wanted. And I love when you make me feel like the best lover you have ever had. You do that by making me feel like you respect me. You respect my opinion. You respect my skill. You respect my desires. You respect my time and attention. I love how you don’t text all the time. You make me start 99% of all contact and you respond quickly. You are excited (at least your texts make me think you are excited) to hear from me. Our texts aren’t just sexting but real conversations. But fuck the sexting is hot. You can make me hard just by seeing your name pop up on my phone. But when you remember something I like that I know you don’t really care for but mention it to me because you know I get hard from it… like when you answer ‘yes sir’ and I know it is not for your benefit but for mine… damn, this is hot and a show of respect to me. I am not in love with you to the point I would leave my wife, but I do love you a lot. Remember love is fluid as you describe it… and in this case, I notice how you show your respect and love to me through these messages. No, I won’t leave my wife for you, but I love you a lot in a number of different ways. I feel that love because of the respect and trust you show me. So, yeah, I love you because you respect me and I know you respect me.
~ My wife won’t like this conversation we are having because she is already jealous of you. She can’t pinpoint why she is jealous of you but when I bring up your name she rolls her eyes. I will ask her why and she just says that I know why. I do. She knows I have deep feelings for you. To me they are more like deep best friend feelings that are love-ish but not love as in I am going to marry you love. Hopefully that makes sense. I love you but am not in love with you. I feel this for you because I feel you respect me. This is what you were asking about right? Do I feel you respect me? Yes, I do. Sophia, you have always treated my wife with respect. You have never talked bad to me about some of the bullshit she has pulled. You have looked at the many sides of why she does what she does. But never put her down or make me feel like she is a burden I bear. That shows me how much you respect me. That is important to me. It shows me that you love me as a friend. I find that very sexy and a turn on and since we are talking about respect being something that men crave, I would say you understand this and are able to express this to me by how you treat me with respect.
~ Respect is one of the core values I have. The fact that you looked at this issue and how it goes with swinging is pretty fucking impressive. How many women that swing would do this. Most women just go on and on about they want and never bother with what the man wants. You show respect from that aspect as well. I love that about you. Do I love you? Do I feel love for you? Yes, as a friend. That is something I crave more than you can imagine.
~ My wife and I argue about you all the time. I hear her say “What the fuck does she do to you that makes you think she hung the moon and stars”? My go to answer is “She makes me feel respected.” No lie. Imagine how surprised I was to get this question from you. Yes, I read your forum posts. Yes, I read your blog. Yes, we text and talk about all kinds of things. I share what I learn from you with my wife. She isn’t happy because we have some awesome conversations. But at the same time it is making her look past some of the hangups she has to see what could be done. We joke sometimes and say “WWSD?” What Would Sophia Do? One of the things you do that I adore is your straight answers to forum posts and your blog. You answer based on what you think and not to get laid. That is sexy. And that shows just how much you respect others. I know I love you. Just not in that way.
I am sure you can figure out how good I felt having this feedback. I mean, who wouldn’t feel pretty damn good that these men think highly of me… but that was not the purpose of this post… I asked this final question… to keep me grounded.
“Is there anything that I could do to make you feel respected that I haven’t done?”