Men and Respect Follow Up

Earlier today I received a text from one of the guys on yesterday’s blog. He wanted to follow-up on what he said yesterday. He asked if he could call me so we could talk about it. I said sure. My commute home was filled with traffic issues from three accidents. He called, I listened.

He started off by saying he needed to clarify what he meant by saying he loved me and his wife knows and is not happy with me.

Now remember it was about respect that I was asking about and how important it is and love came up because what I read said men want respect before love or over love. I wanted to know how that plays out with swingers.

So… he starts off by saying when we met and had sex I was over the moon. I crushed hard on you. You flirted and made me feel like a manly man. You paid attention to me. You used terms of endearment and remembered things I said. My wife didn’t do that for me. We are empty nesters and you’d think we would have time to talk and do things. We do but we don’t talk or do anything.

I find you attractive. Funny. Smart. Witty. Sexy. And the list goes on. But I also am challenged by you. You expand boundaries. I talk to my wife about that and she is bored. She is not interested. But when I mention you suddenly her desire for sex increases and it’s nonstop.

I know I’m being manipulated… but there you go… I am a man. I let her manipulate me so I get laid.

Then I remember that you are honest with me. I don’t feel manipulated. I feel respected and more than that wanted.

I feel loved.

Just to keep you up to date… I haven’t said anything to him other than ‘hi sweetie’.

Over the years they fought about me. He talked about me too much. He acts like I’m perfect and she’s a bitch. That was her stating that, he never said that about me. He knows I’m not perfect. I may have put him in his place a few times and he still is bitter about it cause I was wrong in that opinion. According to him. LOL.

He stopped talking about me as much to her. He wasn’t thrilled with her behavior. He shared that with me today. Before today I picked up on it but kept it quiet. It’s their drama not mine.

He has snuck around to text me at times. He was mad it came to that… but at the same time it showed him a few things about their marriage.

He also said he has jumped through her hoops and for what end?

They had a really big fight right after our last hall pass. She was pissed at me because I wouldn’t share details. She told me she doesn’t want to hear them and got mad because I didn’t tell her.

It was ugly.

It lasted a few weeks.

She won’t let me hall pass with you anymore.

She asked me if I love you.

I said in a way yes.

She wants me to have nothing to do with you anymore but I told her I will continue to text you but at this time no more hall passes.

Side note… yikes, holy moly, damn, fuck and shit.

So…. what on earth do you say to that?

I mean… fuck.

This was not what I was expecting to hear.

So I say…

‘It’s not the first time someone drop this kind of bombshell on me and I still don’t know what to say.’

It seriously is not the first time and I don’t know what to say this time either.

I’m silent for a moment or 20…

Then I say this… what I should have said every other time this was dropped on me and I was expected to carry some one else’s baggage.

‘While it breaks my heart that you and your wife are going through this, this is not my burden to shoulder. It’s not my baggage to unpack and put away all nice and neat for you. I don’t want to sound cold and uncaring, but this is not my responsibility to fix. I would love nothing more to fix it, but I didn’t create it. If I can be of support to you during the recovery, please know I’m here.’

He was silent for a bit. He then said, ‘I expected no less from you. I knew you would be honest with me. I knew there was little you would be able to do because this isn’t really my issue either. It is hers. She is the one who needs to address her issues. I can’t fix hers either. When she wanted me to not communicate with you I was told it was because you treated her poorly. You never treated her poorly. You never really had much contact with her because she didn’t want to… it really has to do with respect. This conversation has brought about a need for her to heal from whatever is causing her pain so we can heal.

And I feel loved and respected by you.’

Yeah, that was hard… but it was definitely enlightening.

Muah Sophia

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