I also asked for an opportunity to write on Sophia’s blog. It is an honor to do so because of the honor of knowing her.
I wanted to start off by saying that Sophia isn’t walking around crying every moment of every day. She isn’t moping and bitching about everything. In fact, only when I ask her specifically about HIM and how she is doing in regards to him does she let me know how she really is doing. Otherwise, Sophia hides it pretty damn good. She has learned how to ‘fake happy’ pretty good. Something along the lines of ‘fake it till you make it’.
My getting to know Sophia is filled with a lot of laughter and a lot of fun conversations. But there has been for a while a sadness behind her eyes. She is spending time recovering from her ‘ordeal’ with those two. And let’s be honest, what they did to her is pretty bad.
From what I know, Amber and I are the only swingers who know anything about what they did to her. The only other people who know anything are not swingers and have no idea what to make of all of this. One question that is often asked is “What is the reason for them behaving like this?”
The answer is quite simple, they are self-centered, arrogant, and oblivious to the feelings of anyone other than themselves. And they don’t really care about people, just themselves.
I can say this because I know them. I have met them. I have interacted with them. I have seen them in action.
The things I learned about how they treated Sophia are not really that much of a surprise on one hand and yet, I am completely shocked they would treat her – specifically her – this way.
I have to be honest here, many things he and she did to Sophia upset me. Especially us breaking our date with Sophia because they changed their arrival date. Sophia explained it to us when they moved it up from Monday to Sunday and then from Sunday to Saturday. We understood it but we weren’t happy. We wanted to meet her. Imagine how pissed we were when we find out that he lied to her about several things, their ‘time alone’ that never happened and she was never told until it was ‘surprise’ and then the date with another woman he planned on her last full day. You asked her to give up her plans and then you make plans with another woman and expect her to be happy with another last minute surprise and then throw compursion in her face. Buddy, that isn’t compursion. It is selfish, arrogant and rude behavior.
Mike has zero respect for him especially. After laying into Sophia about a made up reason to not allow her to communicate with him anymore (completely made up) he fails to respond to the text Mike sent him. What better way to prove to Sophia how little she mattered. How made up the girlfriend’s excuse was that Sophia saw through immediately. Mike addressed it via text and was ignored. That is the sign of a weak as shit man. He demonstrated his true character and it is not at all impressive. It is sad. Truly sad.
Sophia refused to apologize for something she didn’t do even with him telling her that if she did it would fix everything. Sadly, the only person who believed it was him. It was obvious before that and especially after that there was no way that Sophia would ever be able to see him again.
Neither one of them could be honest with her.
Here is what bothered Sophia, Mike and well Amber and I so much, the constant lying, manipulating, and games both of them played.
As each communication that came that was less than honest, Sophia was hurt. There was a part of her that understood their immaturity, jealousy, the jumble of ego and insecurity, but what she couldn’t understand was what the end game was. Why put her through this?
Sophia felt stupid. She felt gullible. She felt attacked. And she felt like she couldn’t take a stand and stop it without taking a direct hit. She felt powerless. She felt like her hands were tied. And she felt horrible that she loved him.
Obviously, she is smart enough to realize that all this manipulative behavior is highly damaging, but she also realized that her heart truly loved him.
The part that is hardest for her to reconcile is that fact that someone who repeatedly told her that he loved her would treat her so poorly.
And why she allowed it.
I spent a lot of time, along with Mike and her badass tribe bluntly telling her that she did not deserve this treatment and that she needed to put this all in perspective. All I can say is we are glad there are texts and emails and screenshots. We would never have believed the shit she told us afterwards. It is hard to believe he could profess his love and treat her this way. Yep, read all those texts and emails and wall posts. You would not believe the gaslighting that took place all because…
What was hardest was the lies she was told about how she is somehow a horrible swinger and person because she wouldn’t kiss ass to the girlfriend all the while knowing the girlfriend has some serious issues to even demand what she was unwilling to give herself. As if somehow Sophia owed more to the girlfriend than the girlfriend owed Sophia.
The girlfriend owed Sophia respect and did not show it to her.
When we explained what she already knew enough times for her to finally hear it, we then went on to tell her that he did not deserve her love, affection, time or attention. He proved over and over he did not value it, did not value her, and that is his ultimate loss.
Amber and I feel strongly about Mike and Sophia. We see them as a truly unique couple and a treasure to know. We do not run across couples like this often. And when one does, they need to hold on tight to them.
Watching their behavior from before they met to now has definitely been interesting. There is hope that he has a heart and feels bad about how he treated her. But as I told Amber, Mike and Sophia, I doubt he does. His ego and need to be fucking everything and everyone in sight makes it hard for anything to phase him too long. We see that with his brags about his new conquests. All I can say is I feel bad for you man. No amount of bragging, no amount of conquests, no amount of fucking your way into people’s lives will fill that void. And buddy, you and your girlfriend’s voids are so great they will never be filled until you address the root problem.
One final point to make, the more you both go on and on about how wonderful your relationship is on the forums and on your wall, make sure no one is witness to the drama you bring to those around you. I am amazed at how respectful, nice, and silent Mike and Sophia have been considering how they were treated. If it was me, I would have called you both out on your bullshit.
Sophia has given me the final word on you both. She was willing to let this go after her post last Wednesday when she realized that she could talk about you, think about you and be ambivalent about you. She worked hard to get to that point and we applaud her.
Here it is… the last words on this subject.
Man you fucked up. I hope you miss her for the rest of your life. I hope you have a void in your life you can’t fill (more than you already have). I hope you realize how big you fucked up. You had a true gift given to you that few ever do. All you had to do is treasure what you were given. You threw it away without a care in the world.
You are a truly foolish man. You were given a gift and threw it away. A truly foolish man.