Category Archives: 4 way connections

Emotions in Swinging

We hear many people say they do not tolerate drama… and drama stems from emotions… emotions are bad… we hear that people want friends… and friendships stem from emotions… emotions are good. So, which is it? Good or bad?

When one looks at drama and the emotions surrounding drama, a number of people say those emotions are bad. Are they?

When I think of the drama that I have witnessed in the lifestyle… the emotions leading up to the drama annoy me. I don’t really want to be around the drama… at the same time, I don’t know if it is all bad. I don’t want to be around it, but it is nice to see that people have emotions.

Why did I say that it is nice to see that people have emotions? Because a lot of people in swinging hide their emotions. Yes, they will laugh when happy and tell you if they don’t like something, but so many people are guarded when it comes to how they really feel. I am not talking about whether something sexual feels good, but whether or not someone will actually admit their real feelings.

A number of people I have had conversations with, will use similar phrases such as ‘I am excited for tonight’ or ‘I really like that’ but when you look at their faces (when in person of course)… they don’t really look excited or like they really like something…and it is at this time I begin to wonder what they are really feeling…

Do you ever wonder if someone is telling you the truth about how their feeling? Not that they are purposely lying to you, more like they are hiding how they really feel. A good number of people hide how they are feeling… and yet, when someone does share how they feel, really feel, they freak the other person out.

So what do we want? People to share their true selves or people who hide the feelings?

That is a tough question and it is a question that needs to be answered… individually. I can’t answer for you and you can’t answer for me. It is one of those things that has to be on a case by case bases for answering and more importantly, a case by case basis for the people we feel something for or feel something for us.

As I read through this post so far, I am thinking of a number of things and mostly how clinical this post is reading. In the previous post I asked some questions and am curious about the answers… most of the questions had to do with emotions that are often hidden in the lifestyle… such as how do you come to terms with the feelings you have yourself and also explain them to your spouse?

How do you do that? How do you explain to your spouse how you feel without them misunderstanding and possibly getting upset because the emotions you feel and the manner you explain them is not how they perceive them?

That is the biggest challenge and by far the hardest to deal with when the emotions you are feeling are more on a close friend level than a replacement for a spouse level.

How many of you have connected very well with someone, not to the point where they are considered for replacing a spouse but instead you see them as a very close friend… yet, they are of the opposite sex and considered an instant threat?

And let’s go a little further… how many of you have found someone of the opposite sex who is a perfect as a great friend and possibly thinking if they were up for it… being a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ in the poly sense… an addition not a replacement to your current spouse?

There are many facets to friendship in the lifestyle and when emotions happen into the lifestyle the reality of the emotions and the fears of the other person causes a lot of confusion into the mix.

And to make it all the more challenging, throw in ‘new relationship emotions’ and you got a powder keg of potential drama… and it all starts because of the little emotions of wanting to get know your potential play partner.

I know this is not very personal and I mentioned that I wanted to get very personal in this series… and yes, I did use a different title for this post than I suggested… but I want to start by talking about emotions and how scary emotions are in vanilla relationships before we add the lifestyle to the mix… yet, I haven’t quite gotten to that point yet, maybe the next post… sometimes, well a lot of time, my posts have a mind of their own and I am only following where my brain and fingers take me…

Fucking strange is really acceptable for most people even when they claim they must be friends first… they want to admit they want friendships, but they do not want the emotional investment that comes with the friendship…

I bet you don’t believe me? Or you are upset that I stated something so bold… but I will stand behind that argument… you may say you want the friendships in the lifestyle, but you really don’t. You don’t want to commit to the emotions necessary to become friends, because sometimes, losing friends hurt… so you hold yourself back… and sometimes, someone will be more of a friend, have a deeper connection than the others… and that desired 4-way connection we want to force on everyone doesn’t happen. Yes, the 4-way connection is a scape-goat… the line people use when their spouse and the other spouse hit it off way better than you and the potential partner you are with have… so you see that close bond happen… and you declare… no 4-way connection is here… gotta stop it right now… and then you will think it is all over… but is it? Does that connection ever go away if the connection is there? No, it does not… it lingers as a regret… missed opportunity… and often it comes back around… and when it does… the feelings are deeper than before… why? Because you spent so much time thinking ‘hmm, what could have happened if we had only gotten the chance to see it through…’ So the spouses fear of emotions and cutting the emotions off by cutting off the ‘dating’ or ‘lifestyle adventure’ at the start of the emotional connection does NOT work… and in fact only makes it stronger… almost like a goal they have to accomplish… possibly even a strong desire, not yet an obsession, but damn it is getting close to see what would have happened…. and well… fear of emotions caused something to build that may or may not have built if left to run its course, yet… what would have been so wrong if they developed a great friendship, had feelings for each other???

Why is feeling something for someone in the lifestyle so very wrong?

Do we really want our partner to miss out on having someone they enjoy talking to, having sex with, doing things together or sharing happy and sad news?

Do we restrict their vanilla friends when they find someone (same sex or opposite sex) that they can connect with because they like them too much?

Yet, because we get naked and have sex… suddenly, all our fears come to the surface and we think… if we like them and fuck them we will leave our spouse for them… is that true?

Do we really want to go through the entire ‘getting used to the person who is our spouse all over again’?

No, we want the excitement of a new relationship (isn’t that why we like the whole idea of fucking strange, swinging, adding spice to our sex life, and all those other lines we say… we love the excitement of finding someone we want to fuck… the thrill of the hunt… and yet, when we find this, we have a natural tendency to hide it from our spouse (or try to, I mean come on… suddenly we are on our phone all the time, smiling like a fool because we see their name or number coming up and no one is going to notice????) and our spouse instantly thinks we want to leave them because we are doing what swingers are supposed to do…. FIND SOME ONE THEY ARE INTERESTED IN!!!!!!!!

Sheesh, no wonder emotions are such a horrible thing in the lifestyle…we want them, but can’t have them, but have to tell people we want them, but not really want them, and then they can’t have them for us, but we want them to have them for me… and on and on it goes…

We have a number of acquaintances in the lifestyle that call themselves friends. We only hear from them when they want to fuck us or we are having a party. I will get a text from them when they are bored. I will get a text from them when they have a question and they think I can answer it… I will get an email when they have a rant they want… but they are not really friends… granted some of them are far away due to the internet, they feel like friends… and some of them are closer by, but still an hour or two or more away… but they are not really friends.

Their texts are very selfish. The texts or emails are about what they want or need at the time. It is okay. It is the way of the lifestyle. Other parts of our lives get in the way and come on, not everyone can text every person they know everyday. And I don’t want someone to text me every day out of habit or worse yet duty (a lot of my bitching about texts that say ‘morning’ or ‘what’s up’ come from this feeling… duty)… and I don’t text the same people every day. But when you get the ‘bootie call’ text… does it bother you, excite you, or sometimes a bit of both? It’s like, hmm, could you at least text once a week just to say hi if you are thinking in three weeks you will have time to fuck me… you know, to make it feel less like being a call girl/guy? Ah, there is a sample of some negative emotions showing through… someone feeling a bit used… they thought they were friends, but it is only a ‘get fucked’ communication… as in I want to get fucked, are you free?

I have said this before and I will say it over and over again… I rarely text anyone first. If you want to text or kik me, I will give you my information and even if you gave me yours first, I will not text or kik you first. I have no idea what your schedule is at that moment and I am not going to text you at an inconvenient time. Yes, I know and understand that you don’t have to answer me if you can’t… that is not the point. The point is that I will leave it up to you because I know I work primarily from home and you may not. So I leave it up to you to text first.

Then when we are texting for a while, I still won’t on a regular basis text you first. Again, I have no idea your schedule… and more than that… I don’t know if you have permission to text me.

I could have put that up there first… and probably should have… but so many people, mostly men, don’t have their spouses permission to text a girl. To text a girl who may get to know them so well that they begin to develop feelings for the girl. So they have rules against texting a girl… especially if that girl lives a ways away… there is a fear that there will be some long distance love affair going on… and this is even worse if they live relatively close by… seriously, many think that if I am easy to talk to and you enjoy talking to me about everything under the sun… you are going to move from your home into mine… yeah, not really seeing that happen… but hey, that’s what a fantasy is for right? To think that this person is so awesome you want to leave your family and move in with them… not to consider that even if they give good text… are fun on a date… and fuck spectacularly, that they are easy peasy lots of fun to live with daily… hmm, maybe we should remind our spouses of that fact… umm, well dear… I annoy you at least twice a day… I am thinking I will annoy him at least twice a day… and then when the swinger bubble busts… he/she will see that I am far more annoying when the blog post writer shares her never ending opinions on things all damn day… and while I do enjoy sex… a relationship needs more than just swinger sex…

Okay, that was a bit off topic… but see how I think… can you really live with this day in and day out… probably not… but I can honestly say, life ain’t boring around here… with me… so do you really want to leave your spouse because you like talking with me… sharing with me… wanting to fuck me? Does your spouse really have anything to worry about because you like talking with me?

Okay, I was talking about, before the last path to somewhere else… when a spouse feels threatened and forces you to stop all communication… you may have to go back a few sentences to make this next sentence make sense…

And yet, there are many who feel the emotions more intensely when they are told they can’t do something. Like text me. Or communicate and share with me. Their spouse has made their fears a reality at this point…

Here is what is funny about that… if they guy is honest to his wife and his wife understands that the thrill of having someone to share things with as in friendships is allowed, most of the time I will do or say something that pisses them off and the guy will stop talking to me… honest, it happens… I share my opinions and desires and they are not the same as theirs and they get mad and stop talking to me… of course they will come back and text me again… I think it is to see if I changed my mind… I likely didn’t, but whatever… believe what you want… but if I say that I am not submissive in the generally accepted definition of submissive in the lifestyle… I am not going to be submissive 3 months from now… however, I can be and enjoy being submissive in a different sort of way… Can I venture off on this side path for a few minutes? Well thank you for the permission here goes…

I am not submissive as in if you order me to do something I wont’ do it. Seriously, tell me to do something and I can’t. I have chronic hives and sensitive nerves and well, you tell me you are going to put a nipple clamp on me, first, I will tell you no. It doesn’t feel good, it hurts, no pleasure just pain (hives/nerves) and second… I am not sure why you think I want to be told what to do… I have already mentioned I am not submissive… Alrighty then… here is where I am submissive… you whisper in my ear while we are kissing or fucking that you would love to see me or you would love me to do………..fill in the blank as long as it is something that will cause me pain… and I will fucking do it with no questions asked… I will submit because for whatever reason, I believe that in this case, you understand me, you want me to do this for you… as a request not an order… and I will fucking do it… tell me what to do… and fuck no. I have a dom side… I have things I love to explore with guys… and I would love to share that with you… I may tell you what I like to do with guys or something I have yet to try with guys… and if you say you don’t want to do them, the discussion is done… unless you bring it up… you would have to bring it up… why? Because when you said you didn’t like it, I took you seriously… I didn’t get mad, stop texting you, or otherwise let my emotions get the better of me…. just saying…

Okay, what do I say that pisses them off? It can be a number of things… like saying something that is the truth that they don’t want to hear… or they try to argue a point with me and that point is my opinion and they get mad because my opinion didn’t change… like that one question that has destroyed a few ‘friendships’ – yeah, when you read the question you will be like WHAT THE FUCK? I ask that often… but here it is, the question that destroys many lifestyle friendships with Sophia….. What is your favorite color? My answer pink and purple… their response, you can’t have two favorite colors I asked for one favorite color. So what, I have two… and many hours later they are pissed that I won’t budge on having two colors and they don’t understand they fucked up by saying my answer was wrong instead of realizing how beautifully unique I am at having two favorite colors and have a heart open to non-standard answers…

Yep, your spouse has nothing to really worry about. You will say something relatively insignificant, fail to realize that my answer really told you a lot more about me than you thought… you overlooked it, and I have no desire to waste time on a guy who expects standard answers from me and overlooks my capacity to think and live outside a box…

And that is a great insight into who I am and why I love swinging so much… I love the fact that there doesn’t have to be hard and fast rules in swinging. That you can open your heart up to other people in a variety of ways…

So if we give the two favorite colors a deeper look… doesn’t that say in some capacity, if the expected answer is one color, and my answer is a dead even, steadfast two colors (pink and purple by the way)… doesn’t that indicate that I can have friendships that are deeper and almost to the degree of significance reserved for an intimate partner, or even have the capacity to have a poly relationship where I can love two or more people at the same time but not necessarily more than another…

I love certain shades of pink and certain shades of purple… I love them equally, but not all pink shades and not all purple shades… I love the message or feeling I get from pink and from purple and I get different messages from those colors…

Much like the friendships I have with men… not the acquaintance relationships, where I get texts only when they want to fuck me otherwise I am off the radar and the phone is silent with their number… (and I am not complaining about those guys in general, just explaining that they may call me a friend, but it is a great definition of fucking strange, not friends and truly not lovers) but the guys who have developed a relationship with me even if it has never been spoken… those guys who can’t wait to talk to me, can’t wait to tell me something, share something with me, and those guys who want to hear what I have to say… are interested in finding out more about me inside, who I keep hidden from the masses… who appreciate me for who I am and not the person they view me as…

Yes, there are some guys who have an image of who I am based on my pictures, my forum or blog posts, or their own imagination based on our conversations… they do not take the time to get to know me and I do not take the time to get to know them… and this goes back to fucking strange. There is a separation between ‘strange’ and acquaintance and friend…

But some guys have an image of who I am and become very attached to that image and feel that to be included in my ‘inner circle’ is somehow all they need… and their emotions and actions are based on that need to be in the ‘inner circle’ rather than get to know me… their emotions towards me are not real and not sustaining… it is flattering but I am able to determine quickly if they are real or fantasy based.

When the emotions are real… it is more than flattering… it is scary.

What if I can’t live up to their expectations? What if I can’t or don’t feel the same? Even worse, what if I do?

Well, I am going to stop there… I think it is a good point… what if you have strong feelings for me… and I have strong feelings for you… what do you do?

Muah Sophia

 

 

How To Get Your Swing On Part 4

I received a comment yesterday that the poster did not want the comment posted, the comment asked me where I get off thinking I have all the answers when it comes to swinging?

Well, dang it all… didn’t the poster know that I have been granted the gift of providing swinger education?

Obviously, I am joking about the gift of providing swinger education… however, I do believe that I am able to see what happens around me, form an opinion of whether I like what I see happen around me, and well, voice that opinion. I have had people tell me I don’t shit… some tell me I bring a unique perspective, and some tell me that my ramblings have brought some clarification to something they struggled with…

Here is the truth of the matter… I have an opinion and I share it… if someone doesn’t like it… there are a few things I can say about that… remember I have an opinion and I share it… first – if something annoys you or makes you mad about what I wrote, consider if it is because it strikes a cord you are not ready to have struck… and more importantly, if you are upset by what I write, don’t read the email.

But let’s look at the comment a bit deeper… why is it wrong for a person to share what works for them and does not work for them?

If I am telling others that you and your spouse hanging over each other does nothing to build sexual chemistry between you and your potential swing partner, how is that wrong?

So many couples and singles talk about how there must be a four way connection, yet they spend all their time cuddling and flirting with their own spouse and leaves the other couple hanging out there wondering why they were invited… doesn’t that scream out ‘something is wrong’?

Yes, yes it does… very wrong. Do you not know or understand why that is wrong???

I recently asked a guy I have met once and talk to often, like many times in a week… if he thinks of having sex with me? He states that it crosses his mind, but he really likes our friendship and wouldn’t want to have sex with me if it meant ruining the friendship.

I get that… and I don’t get that… I mean, if the friendship is real, won’t it be a bit more fun with the sexual component… but that is a topic for another post… let’s stick with the point that you may have missed… I had to ask him if he ever thinks of having sex with me…

If a person, in this case me a girl, has no idea if you think of me in any way in regards to having sex… and she has to ask… isn’t that a sign that something is really, really going wrong…

Yet, how many times do you and your spouse go to a couples date and wonder, “Do they want to have sex with me?”

If you are asking this question, the couple you are with does not know how to get their swing on…

And if the couples you are with are asking them the same thing… ‘Do they want to have sex with us?’ You are doing something very, very wrong… and this isn’t me telling you this… well, not just me… it is the less than spectacular adventures you have had with others when naked…

How to get your swing on makes sense only when you are willing to open up the manner in which you welcome others into your marriage and your bed.

And you have to recognize that you are inviting others into a part of your marriage and your bed (or hotel bed) and just how exactly you do that is how to get your swing on… if you embrace it as a fun, exciting, flirty, and sexy manner with your potential partners, you will have a great time swinging.

If you are fearful, jealous, nervous, shy, closed up, and focused on yourself and/or your spouse exclusively, you miss out on the opportunity to fully enjoy what others have to offer you.

Think of it this way… you are invited to a holiday get-together in your neighborhood… the organizer of the get together is a warm, caring, loving person who enjoys having everyone present and makes each one who comes to the get-together feel welcome and special… that feeling catches on and others feel an overwhelming need to make everyone feel welcome… and the entire group feels a great deal of warm fuzzy feelings… This host really knows how to get a get-together on…

Or there is a host who has a need for having all attention on her and she has a few friends who suck up to her… and they are one of those cliques that are absolutely no fun to be around… no one wanted to come to the holiday get-together, and you can tell. Everyone is in small groups, talking only between themselves and leaving others feeling out of place… this host really DOES NOT know how to get a get-together on…

Which host are you when you think about a couples date?

I will leave it at that… that way, you decide how to get your swing on and I am not telling you what to do like the swinger know-it-all I am accused of being… Muah, I really don’t mind the comment… I like to think about it like this… I struck a cord… just hope I don’t swing with them if they can’t see they need to have a bit more sexy fun on a couples date… MUAH!

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure more than Abby (the poster) is…

Sophia

How To Get Your Swing On Part 3

Swingers are often heard saying ‘looking for common ground’ between the people who want to have sex together.

Here is an interesting thought… you already have something in common. You all enjoy having sex with others besides your partner. How important is all the rest before you get together sexually?

That is a good question and often has a variety of answers… and some are very adamant that they must have a great deal in common before they can play with someone. I have to ask, why?

Why is is so very important that you have a great deal in common outside of sexually in order for you to have sex?

Is it because you are thinking of dating in the traditional manner? As one would if they are looking at finding a long-term partner or spouse… this hinders your ability to connect with others because you have a stronghold on what the person has to live up to as a swinging partner. It is not necessary to have everything in common in order to get naked and have sex.

I am not saying that you should have sex with just anyone and everyone. I am saying that you may want to find out what matters most when finding another swinger to swing with and compare that to what you find as necessary for a life partner. How closely do they have to be similar?

Here is why I ask this question in conjunction with how do you get your swing on… If you set the same criteria for your swinging partners as you do or did for your spouse, aren’t you sending a message to yourself, spouse, and partners that you want a carbon copy of your spouse? Doesn’t that send a message, subtle as it may be, that your spouse is replaceable?

Think about it… the subtle message is being sent out there that you are looking for someone in the same manner as you did your spouse, the same criteria as for a spouse, and while this is not your intention… or is it and you just haven’t realized it?

I bring this up because one person on chat was mentioning this list of what they want in a swing partner and it sounded like a list for a perfect wife/husband… I asked that question and he responded that if he did find another woman like his wife he may be tempted… he was joking, but you know what… I have to wonder if it was all a joke.

We hear of people, men actually finding women just like their mothers to marry… and girls who seek men who are very much like their fathers as husbands… how likely is it to search to find someone just like your spouse to have recreational sex? From the profiles and conversations I have had about what they are looking for, I have to say it is quite common. As I say this, I must remind you that I am sure that it is not a conscious thought process, just going with what they are familiar or comfortable with…

Which leads me to getting your swing on…

Who are you looking for and why?

Great question one should ask before they get out there looking for swingers to swing with… what are you looking for and why?

For me, the answer is easy… I am looking for someone who engages me mentally and sexually.

What does that mean? Well, lucky for you, I will tell you…

It means that I will seek a person who is NOT SHY and will engage me in conversation – even cheesy pick up lines…

Let me say, that depending on the situation, the amount of work that comes about must be put in perspective… at an event or house party… there is much less ‘work’ that has to be done. Why? Because the situation leads itself to quick results from their efforts. A few moments of conversation to see if there is any interest and of course some sexual chemistry building (a great deal of it because of the situation and anticipation of naughty fun)… and we can quickly move to more flirting, touching, kissing… and oh that kissing is very nice when it escalates quickly… leading to an area where play can start… unless we decide that right there is a great place to suck a nipple, stroke a cock or even more…

If it is a online, I will be honest, unless you are going to make it a quick ‘courtship’… you have more work to do… and here is why… a cheesy pick up line doesn’t work… you have to engage my mind first and not annoy me… and so many do… when they go on and on about what they want and never once asked me what I want… or they want to have a couple date and their spouse never reaches out to hubby… and so on…

This is where it is important to be on the same page with your spouse, know what you want and how you are going to go after it…

Reading profiles is boring at times… I like to think I have an interesting one that tells you about us and it also tells you enough to make you want to ask more… Here is ours from Kasidie –

With her creative juices flowing she penned a story just to please her husband. She wrote of an erotic scene of six people, three girls and three guys meeting and finding a sexual chemistry that led them to adventures they had never considered before. She shared the story with him, opening herself up to the inner desires she had. The question was, would he like it, would he understand what she was asking without coming right out and asking. He read the story and she knew it was a good one even without seeing his cock responding under the covers as they sat in bed. He whispered “wow” a few times, his breathing became quicker and she knew her writing had some type of effect. Would it be what she wanted?

He looked over at her and smiled. “Wow, this hot!” He looked at her for a moment or two and then started searching for something on the internet. He found some videos of swingers and played a few. Then he asked, “Is this something you would want to do?” She took a deep breath and then whispered, “yes, very much”.

The adventure started that day with both of them looking to find out how to go about jumping in and finding this piece of their lives together. Questions were asked, comments made, and all along the way, there was a sense of this is what they were supposed to do…

It is hard to share in words even for someone who can write a sentence or two how the first experience felt for her. She loved and was completely turned on seeing her husband with another woman. So turned on was she, that with only one or two slight movements on her clit she was cumming hard. The thrill of what they were doing took over her mind and body leaving her wanting more.

As their adventures continued, their idea of what they wanted, would love to do, and need to do again grew and changed. Some of the things they felt were off the table suddenly became the top item on the things they have to do again. Some adventures were hugely successful and some were not as much. However, it doesn’t change the thrill of partaking on the sexually social adventure together and at time separately.

Along the way, many people have come and gone. Sometimes sadly, sometimes happily and sometimes without much fanfare at all we experienced the losses. The friends that have developed have done so naturally, organically and well perfectly. Each person has a need and as friends we find these people give as well as receive and by doing so fill each other’s needs. This could be long-term friendships, FWB, or possibly a steady lover.

There is no need for writing what we like and what we don’t like as it changes so regularly as we find the person(s) who shares for a brief moment in time our interests, desire, and yes, sadly limited availability. We what we say we are and enjoy finding out if that is true for you as well.

Muah Sophia

I think it tells how we want to get to know what a person wants now and what we listed in our first profile changed over time and instead of leaving old words or trying to figure out what to put on there, just ask us…

Few potential partners ask us what we like… they tell us what they want and that is it… how do you know if we are a match if you don’t ask us?

I am a person who loves to get to know people – what they like, don’t like, enjoy doing, and you know what… some of this is very vanilla and not sexual at all… but others seem to have trouble doing this at all… share a bit about themselves… and when they do share, it gets a bit too deep… I don’t want to know your work troubles, spouse troubles, kid troubles or other things like that before we found out if we want to meet… if we have not included friends in our relationship – I don’t give a shit… I really don’t… I am a swinger who likes to have sex with people… if we can get along in that manner and develop a friendship – awesome… but you have to engage me first before that can happen.

I know, so many people want to be friends… and the problem with that is… the friendship is based on how someone looks and if they want to have sex with them… that is not how I develop friendships… if I am going to develop a friendship it is because we have something in common… if we don’t have much in common, we won’t be friends swinging or no swinging… but that doesn’t mean we can’t be swinging partners.

I know that may confuse people… but I do not have to be friends with someone to fuck them. And I can be your friend and never fuck you. I am crazy like that… so for someone to approach me… and want to be friends so we can fuck… the answer is no because it just won’t work out that way…

You have to know what you want from the person in order for the person to be able to respond and this requires you to know how to inform them of your intentions. If you want to be friends first, don’t approach a couple telling them you want to meet because you are interested in having sex. That is a lie and you don’t want to meet them to fuck them… you want to meet them to see if they will be friends…

And that is so very important to do… as well as not having a list of requirements for having a friendship develop… If you want to be friends… does it matter their height, weight, hair amounts (bald, long hair, short hair, colored hair, grey hair, shaved genitals etc., hair covers so much in swingerville)… a person seeking friends accepts a person as they are… a person wanting to fuck someone has a different list of what attracts them…

Know what you want and do this before you contact a person… if you want only model thin people, then don’t contact someone outside this ideal… I can’t tell you how many times I have been told that they want me even though I am bigger than they usually like… WTF people… do you think that will ever go over well?

I have people who want to see pictures of others and then decide they just aren’t attracted to them… awesome… just keep that to yourself… You don’t need to hurt their feelings… come up with a nicer out – than just not attracted to you… a white lie would be better than the true in this case… maybe start out with… “hi, we are looking at folks near us that we might be interested meeting at a party or event… We opened our pictures and hoped that you might open yours… while we are not doing couple dates at this time… we wanted to see if you might be interested meeting us at such and such party.”

When this has been tried in the past, it has worked… if they do not attend house parties, they will tell you that… but usually they will open their pictures to you as you opened yours… and they will think, maybe a future couple date… if nothing else, you opened up the opportunity to see if a friendship will develop… if they don’t go to the party and you found them unattractive and unfuckable… no harm no foul… if they do attend the party, you can meet them, talk a bit and if they aren’t better looking in person than in their pictures… no harm, no foul, there are others you can seek…

The point is… you have to know what you want and make it realistic in order to find others you want to have sex with… and the realistic portion of the ‘what you want’ is essential. As I stated previously, having a list of what would make the perfect life partner for your swinging partner is not realistic. No one is going to meet that list’s requirements because if they do then you send a message you found someone who could replace the spouse… And how exactly will that work out between you and your spouse?

Let’s be honest, it doesn’t. It is why drama exists in the lifestyle and marriages end or swinging as a couple ends…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

How To Get Your Swing On Part 3

After you have ‘the talk’ with your spouse discussing all the factors you want to include in your date to get your swing on… you have to figure out how to put it into effect…

As with everything else, the first time is a bit ‘scary’, but after that… it is easy peasy… it becomes easy, but not ‘old hat’… as the sexual desire that comes from flirting, touching and kissing this person you want to fuck is always a great source of a ‘sexual high’… keeps it fun and exciting no matter how many times you experience it…

And isn’t that why we want to swing… have sex with strangers… to feel that sexual high of fucking someone new…

The first step I would take (and do)… is to tell them this is what you like… It could look like this… “I like it when we meet for the first time to focus on you and you on me… Let our spouses focus on each other as well. You know, flirt with each other, light touches, maybe even some kissing… and certainly want you to hug me as a part of the greeting when we first meet.. you can feel for yourself if I am excited to meet you.”

Okay, I never said I was subtle… sometimes, subtle doesn’t really work. Stating what you want is a good thing… In that statement above, I am telling my potential partner… I want you to want me…show me you want me. Tell me you want me. I will make sure you know I want you too.

I am going to be honest here… I am done with shy people. If I hear them go on and say “I am not sure I can do that, I am shy” I tell them, then we can’t meet. And I am serious. If you know ahead of time I want to meet you and I try not to meet people who I don’t want to fuck on couples dates (I find it a waste of time and money if I don’t want to fuck you to meet you, I will suggest then meeting at an event or party instead, more options if in fact after meeting you I don’t want to fuck you, just being honest here)…. so if we are planning on meeting on a couple date it means I want to fuck you unless you mess it up so bad that you turn me off… (it has happened)… so what do you have to be shy about… by the time we arrange a couples date we have communicated a bunch of times and you shared a bit of what you like and I have too… so what do you have to be shy about – we already said hello the first time – we have already shared sex preferences and desires – we already agreed to meet – where exactly is the shyness in those steps? So now we are going to meet in person – you with the knowledge that I want to fuck you and now you feel shy? WHY?

So put on your big boy pants – or if you must your superhero underoos so you can feel big, brave, and strong and let me know you want me on the date… That your focus is on me to woo me and make me wet with anticipation… and to do that is to flirt, touch, kiss, and otherwise wooing the shit out of a girl…

You can’t do that if you are stuck to your wife and only looking at her and talking to her…

And you know what… most of the couples, there is one who loves to communicate and one who is not so much into it…

That leaves the excitement a bit lopsided… if couples want to date another couple, they both have to put forth effort in the communication to build the desire to fuck strange.

I am a big communicator… hubby is not. When he makes an effort to communicate with the wife, he often gets back from the wife – she’s really not into texting… he will ask her if she wants to email or maybe a phone call, and receives the answer NOPE.

Then suddenly at the date, she wants him wanting her… and this is something that is a bit hard for people to understand… you already rejected him and his efforts to communicate with you… and well… I understand this from both sides of the coin… I have seen this happen with my hubby often… and I have had a couple of male halves of the couple who won’t communicate with me but she will with my hubby.

Let’s be clear here… it is not jealousy… I am not jealous hubby is getting communication from the wife who wants him. I couldn’t be happier… but if the guy won’t communicate with me, it ain’t going to happen, at all.

I am lucky, my work schedule offers me the freedom to communicate without a boss or coworker seeing over my shoulder… I am my own boss… I work from home and on the road… I am excited to be able to communicate with friends and lovers whenever they are free… I have a few rules… I rarely initiate the contact… I have one female friend I will. She lives in the PT zone and I will text her and put the phone down and when she sees it and has time she will respond. No pressure, no expectations…

I am that way with the people I communicate with for any reason – whether sexy texts or planning on meeting… I will work around your schedule and be considerate of your time… If you simply text me once a day to say hi and check in because that is all you want to do… that is fine… Let’s be honest… it’s not that exciting or fucking hot… but it is telling me that you want to make that effort of keeping in touch and more importantly, that I am worth the time you are taking… and that my friends is fucking exciting… to know that you are doing something outside your norm or even your comfort zone to keep in contact with me so I want you when we meet…

See, it is not jealousy… it is he doesn’t communicate with me at all, there is nothing for me to go on, no want, no desire, no chemistry… and despite what you think… it does nothing to build “MYSTERY”… it’s a fucking blind date you obviously are not that thrilled to be a part of since you can’t even say hi…

When you want to couple date another couple, you really have to make an effort to date the couple… pretty damn simple and sadly, rarely done.

Ask yourself, when you were dating your spouse… did you communicate before the first date? Did you communicate about yourselves so they can get to know you? Did you flirt? I mean honestly flirt with them so they knew beyond a shadow of a doubt you liked him/her?

Then why not do that for someone you want to fuck? I mean, if you want the fucking to be good, shouldn’t there be some chemistry built? Some need, want, desire and other tingly feelings to bring the fun into the bedroom or playroom or wherever you are getting it on???

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…
Sophia

 

How Do You Get Your Swing On? Part 1 Introduction

This is another manner in which to look at the 4 parts of ‘getting your swing on with communication’. I mentioned a great deal how important communication is… so imagine taking communication out of the equation… and still getting your swing on…

You open a profile on a swinger site. You pick ‘swinger’ as your profile name – because you certainly want to do the least amount of communication in the name. You are forced to choose what type of profile it is… you are a couple – you pick couple. You have the option of not putting your age, height, weight, and preferences on your profile and you leave those out. You are expected to put at least one sentence on the profile in each section. You write ‘We are swingers.’ and put that in each section. You do not fill anything out.

How likely are you to have others contact you?

You may think very unlikely… but nope. You will be contacted by NEWBIE SEEKERS…These are people who seek newbies, who they believe are ‘disease and picky’ free. Meaning, you haven’t gotten any disease that is currently going around… and you are not going to be too picky because you are thrilled to have someone contact you and want you.

This is great if this is what you are seeking. However, in order to get your swing on, it takes more than that… This is not a ‘how to write your profile’ post. This is a serious look at how you get your swing on without communication with others.

You cannot.

You have to communicate with others if you want someone to want you.

So, let’s say you mastered basic communication skills… you have someone interested in meeting you. How do you get your swing on after that moment.

For example, you are about to enter the restaurant, you and your spouse… what do you do?

Do you plan on snuggling and cuddling with each other and make your prospective partners wonder why they are on a date with you?

Or do you go in there with the intentions of actually dating the person you want to fuck either that night or very soon?

I am going to be honest… most of the time… it is the first. The couple demonstrates they are a very loving couple between themselves… but does little to get the want or desire building between the couples who think they will be pairing off.

How is that supposed to work? You snuggle and flirt with your spouse and then suddenly it is about time to poop or get of the pot so to speak… you have to make the determination of whether you are going to play or not… to me, it is rather easy for me to make that decision. NO. Nope. No way.

You did nothing to build that interest in me and without the work there is no reward.

You didn’t flirt with me, you didn’t snuggle or touch or kiss me… just your wife… and this is where most swingers state a statement that is obvious and quite stupid in this context… ‘well, even if we don’t swing, we can still fuck each other.’ In this case, it is the most stupid thing to say. You are having sex with your spouse because you made sure your potential partner felt like you weren’t interested in them.

I have been on dates like this… the man is wanting to fuck me. He has said as much many times. Yet, while on the date with us… he is dating his wife. She is dating him and not my hubby. We are bored. The other husband or wife asks us if we want to get a room. Nope we say. I get a text afterwards telling me how much he wanted me, how much he loved what I wore, wanted to see if I had any panties on, wanted to kiss me so much…. REALLY? Were we on the same date? His wife wanted my husband… AGAIN REALLY?

I will mention that to him… why didn’t you flirt with me? Sit by me, touch me, kiss me, or acknowledge to me that you knew I was present?

His response, ‘we are shy’.

BULLSHIT.

You weren’t so shy that you couldn’t snuggle and kiss your wife in public. You weren’t so shy all the times on the phone, chat, email – whatever when you expressed the want and desire then…

The truth is, you and your spouse have not talked about how to get your swing on and you resort to what is comfortable for you two. You snuggled, flirt and kiss with each other and send messages that you may not be interested in swinging or at the very least swinging with us.

A single person or a couple cannot spend the entire night talking to and focusing on their spouse and expect ‘strangers’ to want to fuck them later in the room. You have to build a want or desire to be with the potential partner or it won’t happen in most cases.

I say most cases, because some people simply do not care how a person treats them as long as they get some strange sex… but those with some degree of self-respect actually enjoy believing that the person they are going to have sex with want to have sex with them.

The reference to the single person means when on a hall pass – even if it is a get to meet before we fuck hall pass, going on and on about your spouse and what all you guys like/do on in general does not build the want/desire between you and the person you are on the hall pass with… the other person may think you feel guilty and would rather be with your spouse than them… think about it.

If you cannot tear yourself away from your spouse either physically or verbally during the date with the other person(s), you are sharing this message – “I really don’t want to fuck you, I’d rather be with my spouse.”

Now, I guess I need to mention that I am not talking about ignoring your spouse completely. I am not talking about finding a replacement… I am talking about as a swinger you are dating others to fuck them… or at least – wanting to ‘date’ them enough to fuck them… all that depends on how much dating you feel is necessary… I mean for some people, myself included at house parties and events… I don’t need to date you to fuck you… and I guess that does carry over to the ‘dreaded dates’… I don’t need to date you a long time to know if I want to fuck you… make your move already and enjoy the rewards of your work.

However, many couples have a mindset that they both have to have the same level of connection with all parties. Great if you want to be a foursome constantly… like in a poly relationship… but for the most part, you have to be able to communicate on a level that matches in order for desire to build. He has to like him just as much as he likes her and vice versa… I have to ask why?

Why does he have to like him as much as her if he is straight and does not want to fuck him?

Yes, it is nice if both males can converse and enjoy being in the same room… but do they really have to have the same level of whatever it is people think they need for me and the other husband to fuck?

I don’t think so.

I also don’t think I have to be all hot and bothered over the other wife. Yes, I am bi, but I am not one of those girls who will kiss and lick a girl just because they are present. If my hubby wants to fuck the other wife senseless because he finds her hot… then go for it… she and I do not need to be on the same level of whatever it is supposed to be… I can happily get along with everyone for the few hours we will be together without having to be deeply invested in her right off the bat.

When I am on a date with another couple, I want to date the guy I am hoping to fuck. I want to date him and enjoy flirting with him and building that desire with him so that when we head to the hotel room or our house, the awkwardness of what to do next is not there… we want so much that we move on to what we need without all the worry about what the other two are doing…

That may start with kissing… and kissing… and kissing some more… and then removing of clothes… and not having a fucking clue what the other two are doing because we are so caught up in the fun of us being together…

And yes, with a quick glance at the other two… we see the same thing happening there… if we happen to be in the same room… LOL.

Hope you are having a wonderful sexually social adventure…

Sophia

 

Sometimes life gets in the way

Things have been busy here, and busy is good. Most of the time… however when busy keeps you from posting on your blog… yikes, there is so much to write and so little time. This may come off as a big negative… but I am going to tell you what… swingers need to up their game… I mean seriously… up your fucking game here people. Just because you swing does not make you hot and wanted. Sheesh…

I have a couple handfuls of posts that are in various stages of completion. Maybe I will get those done soon… but here are some things I am really bothered with recently.

Cockblocking 1 – the fastest way for a swinger to cockblock themselves is to tell a prospective playmate that ‘I get all the sex I want or need at home’.

Good for you. Glad it is all wonderful and perfect. Why the hell are you wasting my time?

I never understand why you seek someone out and then tell them you really aren’t into swinging for the sex.

I am. I enjoy the sex and I enjoy sex with folks not my spouse. So, please stop wasting my time. If you are not interested in having sex with others and with me in particular… leave me alone. I cannot imagine sex would be that wonderful with you since you find it so unnecessary in your life to have swinger sex and still seek swingers out to meet.

Cockblocking 2 – When you want to meet up with someone and fuck them… figure out how to best communicate with them. Two texts of hi how are you and then going straight into sexting and having no idea of what the person likes to sext about… leaves you with some real communication problems… here is an example….

6:40 am – good morning (WTF??? who texts someone not a significant other at 6 fucking 40 in the morning)…

9 ish during a workday….

text 1 glad to get to know you

text 2 do you want to suck my cock?

text 3 why haven’t you responded 😦

text 4 😦

text 5 can I call you – no response from the person you want to call so you call them anyways.

text 6 – 16 cock shots… 9 or 10 of them in a row… less than 30 seconds between… during the work day…

So an email is sent explaining pretty much as game plan complete with tips and tricks to get my attention… long ass email…

his response – ur hot and I want to fuk u.

Sometimes there is nothing a person can do to un-cock-block someone who is repeatedly being dense.

It is hard to figure out if you can talk with a person when face-to-face if the person is unable to grasp… 6:40 is not a time to text someone… or 9 cock shots in less than 3 minutes is excessive… or sending a picture of a can of beer to someone who hates beer is stupid… and that last one as well as all the rest… if you would have just tried to get to know the person (me) first… this could have been avoided…

 

I will be honest here and say that I am so tired of ‘dating’ swingers when it is so much work as opposed to going to a party or club and meeting folks.

Here are a few things you can do to up your game some…

Have pictures – make sure those pictures look good… don’t post them if they aren’t your best… I am not going to want to meet someone who I cannot tell if they are hot or not… I will default to not…

Have something of value to say to the person you want to meet. I truly do not care if you love each other so much and the sex is constant and constantly perfect… because I can only ask who are you lying to???? I want to know why you want to meet me… I want to know what makes you  want me… I want to want you… telling me you don’t need extra sex isn’t going to get me to want you…

Try to figure out that balance between showing desire/want and being needy. Sending me or anyone unhappy emojis because I have taken more than 5 minutes to respond to you is needy. It is a turn off. Grow up and realize that a swinger has more things happening in their lives than just sitting and waiting around for your text or email.

Seriously, do not ask them if after two texts (hi sweetie and I want to lick your pussy) are you wet – are you ready for your husband to take care of you? Really, you think when you text me randomly and send one ‘sexy’ text I am ready to attack my spouse? That is the most incredibly absurd thing I have every heard… get your ego in check and do a bit of work…

Do not think I want to hear all about you having sex with your spouse or other playmates. This is not a jealousy issue. It is simply a ‘who gives a shit’ issue. I have sex with other people too… I do not need to know you had sex with your wife as a way to turn me on…. I want to know what you want to do with me… I could care less about all your contact with others… I want to have desire built between you and me… that can’t happen if I suddenly become DEAR ABBY for you in swingerville.

Now, that does not mean I don’t want to hear about your adventures… or your trials as we all have them… but if you want in my panties… you have to work at it a bit harder…

I have written on wooing, want, need, and desire… and I am not seeing many swingers doing this…

There are three main areas in which a swinger who approaches another swinger falls…

Hot and heavy interest and great sex

Friends

Nowhere

You have to work hard as a swinger to get to the hot and heavy interest and great sex… just because you swing does not mean anyone wants you…

Being a swinger doesn’t guarantee you swinger sex… you have to work at attracting the attention and interest of another swinger and by all that is good in this world, focus on your prospective partner and stop with the expectation that chemistry is instant just because you swing.

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

 

Can’t Discount the Benefits of a House Party

I have mentioned a number of time that I am so tired of first dates. I prefer meeting people at house parties or at clubs than on first dates. I really feel that the house party environment is one where people can enjoy themselves in a more relaxed manner. The pressure is off from the one on one dinner dates. Even if you just have drinks, you have that same pressure.

I mean what if they are so incredibly boring and you have to sit there praying the beverage time runs though quickly so you can get up and walk away… fast…

We attend house parties and we host house parties. I must say that hosting house parties are a favorite of mine, even more than just attending. There are some down sides to the hosting but overall there are more upsides than down.

I like being a  hostess in any capacity. This is an awesome time for me. We ahve the system down pat. I mean I could be on a phone call or 7.5 hours and still get the party prep work done. Of course, hubby helps a lot. The bottom line is that we have a system developed and it is an easy one at that and we can pull off a very nice looking and fun party.

I love being a hostess as I can pretty much do what I want in regards to going up to all guests and chat with them. I am the hostess and they would not be in my house if not for me. There is a few advantages to that if you think about it… no shyness there… they will greet me or I will greet them.

The best benefit of hosting a party is not having to drive home or leave the hotel before I got enough sleep.

There are some hidden benefits you may not think about… but it goes along the lines of being able to see how people are when they are in a party setting.

Now I am a person who does spend a considerable amount of time observing people and their behaviors… so the party situation is very fun for me…

We have at our parties a number of repeat guests… some of these repeat guests simply enjoy being in the ‘swinger’ environment. That is perfectly fine for me. I firmly believe no on HAS to play just because play is available. We enjoy having people who feel comfortable being in our home and around the other guests.

At every party there have been those who came to play and play they did. WE love that. We love having those who feel comfortable to play with us or to play with others while at our home.

I notice those who will not likely play at all in the party setting but will one on one. I notice those who will not play until they have been around us multiple times. And there are some that we will never play with but they feel comfortable playing with each other at the party.

The key is that there are many people who feel comfortable to do what they want in our home. And as a hostess that is the ultimate compliment.

I can also tell those who are ‘trouble’ or have the potential of being trouble. I am the type of person who will give the benefit of the doubt to people. I am not talking those who I have that gut feeling about and they won’t even make it to the party because the gut is screaming NO FUCKING WAY!

I am talking about those who have done or said something that gives me pause. The first time I will say, you know what… maybe that was a freak thing. The second time… let’s just say, you don’t get a third time.

I believe there is a fine line between being a gracious hostess and an idiot who allows others to walk over them.

That second chance is your time to do what is right rather than another stupid thing that will guarantee you will not have a third chance.

When you host any get together there is an opportunity for drama. When you host a swinger party, there is almost a guarantee that some drama will happen.

A newbie to swinging thinking they are called out for being soft swap when in fact all the person was doing is trying to place people with their corresponding profiles.

A couple who has one party jealous because someone else is enjoying their partner.

Someone who walks around freaking other guests out by their strange behavior and announcing what they do for a living.

Moving in on another couple (not husband and wife, but two play partners) and leaving one party out of the fun.

Bringing a spouse that is totally plastered upon arrival to the party so the spouse can begin to enjoy the party.

It is a party. But there is no reason to bring your ‘issues’ and ‘drama’ to the party.

That is why we like the party setting. We do not have to spend one on one time with these people. We can write them off our list of people we want to play with ever. We can write them off our guest list. We can let them know ‘sorry, but you are not welcome anymore’.

Now, I do not necessarily like to tell people these types of messages. But I will. I have.

And if you think I will take your side over my spouses on anything even if my spouse was wrong… Yeah, that happened.

Silly people.

I am not running a club. I am not hosting parties to make a profit. Hell, we do not charge for anyone to come to our parties. So no profit at all, not even a covering our expenses opportunity.

I don’t need you to come back and bring friends. I do not care if you are upset that we wont’ let you come to or return to our parties. I am serious… doesn’t bother me in the least. I am hosting these parties because I want to meet other swingers, develop friendships if they do, and have some swinger sex too. I want this without the hassle of first dates.

Which is a great benefit of house parties.

We have made friends at each of our house parties and those we have attended in the past. We have had those friends throughout our two years of swinging so far.

We have also let a few people go to the wayside. Two main categories… jealousy/insecurity/drama or limp/pillow princess. Oddly enough… those two categories tend to overlap a bit.

The largest is the jealousy/insecurity/drama bit… I swear that is so annoying to me. But as I said the house parties allows me to see a bit more into this behavior before we move to far along. It is not a guarantee of successfully identifying it, but that is more me giving to many benefits of the doubt. My bad.

I mention that I don’t like first dates. What I do love about the house parties are all the second dates we get from them. Yes, that is what we like. Whether it is a second date a week or so later or even months later. Or at the next house party. We love the fact that our house parties have opened up the opportunities to meet people in a relaxed atmosphere and then have a second date that is even better than the first.

Many people give me a hard time when talking about no first dates. They fail to listen carefully to all I am saying. If we can meet at a house party and then have a second date… takes care of the first date issues. Many believe that I am opposed to getting to know others.

We have had house parties that go until wee hours of the morning… sometimes all night and into the next day…

We have plenty of time getting to know others and hearing what they have to say about themselves and we share about ourselves. Granted many of the guests read the blog and learn about us that way… but there is still an opportunity to learn about how close I am to what I write in my blog… LOL…

When you are able to break through the first date pressure you are able to get to know them better. See how they are when they are with others in a group… and how they make their intentions known…

That is one of the most interesting things about the parties… seeing how people make their moves. Those moves for that night or those moves for a second meeting. It is a lot of fun and exciting to watch…

I have found that meeting people in this manner gives me a better look at who they are. A few folks on the forums agree with me… They get to know the person not the profile. They get to know the person and not the older pictures on their profile… and then they can decide who they are interested in – in real time and not through things that don’t matter as much.

As one person put it very nicely… “if they are hot and act down to earth, I want them. If they are hot and act like an asshole, I want to run away from them. At a party I can.”

I write this as tonight we are heading to TN to meet up with a couple that came to our party last weekend. We are meeting for dinner and play time at their home. We hit it off last weekend before we played and after we played we still wanted to meet up again. It is very fun how that works… just one of many examples of how you can’t discount the benefits of a house party…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….

Sophia

A Question About “Why Would I Write My Profile For You?”

I was on chat and someone asked me why I wrote in my last post about writing a profile for someone else not you?

Sexual pleasure by your self is masturbation.

Sexual pleasure with your spouse is marital bliss.

Swinging requires other people.

You can use your hand or a toy to masturbate.

You can ask your spouse to have sex with you – kinda like a captive audience type of thing… and your spouse will most likely have sex with you with little wooing…

But in order to swing, you have to make yourself attractive and interesting. They have to want to meet you. Or you are not swinging. You are sitting there on one side of the computer screen looking at profiles of people who are either swinging or sitting there just like you.

In case you are wondering, I am in a wonderful mood today. I am not trying to be snarky, bitchy, or mean.

I am speaking honestly.

While the numbers are uncertain, many people who are on the swing sites will never swing with another person. They may email, chat, post in forums, or even text others talking a great game, but they will never swing.  And many of them will never leave their homes for a swinging activity.

During our first year I became some what of an expert on ED – the chronic kind. And remember I am a girl. I had seen more limp dicks in my first 6 months of swinging than I ever had… and in fact, I hadn’t seen limp dicks in this manner before I began swinging.  Yes, I had seen a limp dick that was limp as in its natural state of being.. but never had a man who was in a sexual situation not become hard when it was time for it to be hard. Never had that problem with hubby. So I talked about it on the forums and was attacked…. OMG was I attacked on one site and then when the topic came up on another site… the reaction was mixed… but more women were willing to say “Hey look, I have had 17 play dates and 17 guys with limp ass dicks…” Beautiful women, average women, small women, large women, nice women, outspoken women, it didn’t matter women were having this issue… Then in person the topic would come up… Limp dicks were everywhere…

So on one forum post someone else asked me to start for her… this one guy came on the thread and tried to tell us that women faking orgasms were just as bad as a man with chronic ED playing as a swinger.

The thing you must know about this guy, he was on the forums all the time spouting off as an expert. However, we found out that he was not a real swinger as in he had never had one swinger adventure of any type… we found that out because we asked him and he told us.

I find this amazing that this man would go on and on about how horrible we women were upset about men who know there is nothing they can do to get hard lying to us and planning a date only to demand a pity party when what he knew would not happen happened…

And then to tell us that women faking orgasms was the same thing.

I personally think a better image would be if our vagina’s sealed up and the guy couldn’t get entrance at all. That would demonstrate a similar ‘thing’ – a cock that can’t get hard enough to enter the vagina and a vagina that seals itself up…

The point of all this… a man who sat behind his computer and spouted off a great deal of ‘insight’ on swinging never swung.

He wanted to appear like a swinger and in the know of how to swing… yet had not swung yet.

We look at those types of people with a bit of confusion as we do not get why they want to tell us all how to swing when they do not have any idea on how to swing.

Some of the profiles you see on the sites are similar. They spout off to me and all who read the profile what we need to do to make your selection process.

Yet not one thing tells me why you are so worth me shaving what I don’t want to shave, looking how you want me to look not how I want to look, being who I am not who you want me to be….

Some of us who read the words written tend to read what is written and take it at face value. Some of us who read the words written tend to read the ’emotion’ set forth in the written word.

Something as simple as “We are an attractive, educated, well to do couple who is madly in love with each other. We are not looking to replace each other, have no time for drama, and have the best sex life ever” can send the wrong message.

When I read something like that… here is what my brain says to me…. “What a conceited asshole.”

Why does my brain say that to me? Because my brain has processed the pictures of the couple (if there were some pictures) and thought, they are not ‘got hit by a mack truck and survived ugly, but damn their definition of attractive is not mine.’

Let’s be honest. Not every single person who swings is attractive. You may put me in that category if you want… but I never claimed I was a beauty icon… but then again, I do not go around saying… ‘Look at me, I am Sophia and I am SOOOO Attractive’.

Because my brain has decided that you are not attractive and you claim you are… that you are delusional. I am sorry, but that really does happen. I look at you and your description of you and your spouse’s attractiveness does not seem to match up.

Then you go on about how educated you are… really? An truly educated person does not have to brag about their intelligence. It is obvious. And the fact that this odd profile is the best you can come up with does not support your claim of intelligence.

The references to your income level… well, sometimes those who think they have money and act like they have money have less money than those who do not show off or brag about their income levels… just saying…

also just saying… money has never been able to overcome an insufferable bore…. no matter how much money you have… and unless you are gifting me your fortune… why does your money matter to me…

I have never understood why people mention that which they do not want as if they are not tempting fate by mentioning it… And to be very honest.. we have dealt with a helluva lot of drama from profiles who declare ‘we are drama free-we expect you to be too’…. Seriously… all those who have presented drama had that in their profile in some form or fashion…

Instead of declaring it… why not fix what is causing it…

We did have one couple that displayed some drama… I happened to be out of the room at the time… but they realized they let out some drama, got dressed and left. Then they apologized for it.

OMG they acknowledged they caused drama and apologized for it…. How very mature… I am being very serious here.. they were being very mature…

The bit about loving each other and not wanting to replace each other… a good number of folks believe that and live that…

However, we have been around couples where this is not the case… I am serious… I will not go into details here… but I could write a 5,000 word minimum post on this topic alone and still have much more to write about…

See how this is not really what I want to read… there ain’t shit in those statements that make me want you.. in fact, it could be considered swinger repellent…

And telling me to be shaved no matter how clever you state it is still rude… as if you have any say in my personal grooming… is someone less of a person because they do not shave their genital bald? BTW, I do happen to shave… but not because someone forces me too… it is my decision… but I have to wonder if you ever wondered how many people who do shave find that ‘order’ repulsive.

I do not know why people say they are discreet and you be too… Is that really necessary to say to people when you are do a google search of profile names and see how discreet they are? And you know what you can do… the next time you see that in the profile, google their profile name… dare ya… discreet is a myth in the world of the internet… and sweetie if you are on the internet on a sex site and trying to get you some piece of ass… there ain’t no such thing as discreet….

There are many points I could go on to make… but my hope is that you will see how this is not the warm and fuzzy crap that makes a cock hard or a pussy wet… nipples hard… or other signs of attraction…

And you know what… I am sick of people saying how else will I know I want to have sex with these people.

I am going to ask you something… as honest as I can…

When you had your first bit of attraction to another person… when you were a mere teenager or whenever your first time was… did you go down a list of

  • job
  • education
  • shave or hair
  • height
  • weight
  • sentence structure – yes, someone told me once that they reject people if they can’t write a proper sentence
  • hair color
  • hair length or if they even have hair
  • bi status
  • and so on….

My guess is when the first bits of sexual feeling happened you went with it… you decided… hell my cock or pussy can’t be wrong…

Well, maybe it was… but as teenagers we were more willing to go by feeling on this… we were less likely to think ourselves out of sex.

Believe it or not married couples do this too… they think themselves out of sex…

Now, there is nothing wrong with thinking about who you are going to have sex with before you bare your ass and take it hard…

What I am saying… back when we were teenagers and stupid in most aspects of life… we went by feeling a bit more… we let things happen… friendships and lovers.. even if young love… we made ourselves interesting to others and we tried to see others for more than their statistics…

Yet when we are older and wiser we act stupider.

There is one guy on chat that always talks about school girl anal… and most of the girls on the chat that he is saying this too have told him repeatedly that we are not into school girl anal… as in dressing up as a school girl and getting it in the ass… I for one am not a costume wearing girl… I love anal but not so much the costume and role playing… we began tuning him out… then we started getting a bit pissed at him for using that on us and not listening to us…

And that is the crux of this situation in my opinion. It isn’t about what others want to know about me… or what I want to know about them… it is all about me… but wait… it is NOT all about me in this aspect… Pay attention here…

It is all about me finding the way to reach those who are most likely to connect with us…

It is all about me finding a way to communicate what I want at an appropriate time and place and manner.

It is all about me selling others on why they will benefit being with me… meeting me… have sex with me or being friends with me…

You can set boundaries.

You can set rules and preferences and desires.

You can get to know people without throwing all your rules right away…

The secret of that is to build an interest…

Consider the new Apple Watches coming out or any Apple product.

You get just a little bit and then a while later you get a little bit more and then when they have your interest and you are scheduling in your calendar when they will be out… they fill you in on the details..

Try writing a profile to attract me… to make me want you…

And then when we start sending emails, private chatting, IMing or other rules you have..

Then start talking about what you like and don’t like… and if you find out you are not as attracted to them as you first thought… then back off slowly and nicely…

Just saying… We are close to 13,000 page views per day on SLS… we have about 38 left to go…

I may know a bit of what I am talking about…

Sophia

Now from the time we are born, our parents are teaching us it is not all about ME…

We are told to share, we are given boundaries, we are told other people exist… and we learn social skills to function in life…

Yet suddenly as we swing we seem to forget that it is not all about ME if I want to do more than get myself off…

If I want to play well with others, I need to attract others to me… I need to make them want me and want to get to know me…

How can I do that if I repel them from the get go…

Must Have Been Something I Wrote….

I wrote a few days ago about profiles and the angst I have when reading them as many of the profiles turn me off of them… causes me to loose interest in meeting them.

I have gotten a boat load of contact from people asking me about their profiles. What do I think about their profiles and what should they do about them to make them better.

I have also noticed a huge jump in views on our profile. Could it be because others were wanting to read our profile or was it because they saw our profile showcased on the post… I am not sure, but we did get an enormous increase in profile views.

So what you say?

I agree with you that it is not the most important thing in the world… but if you are a swinger and you are wanting to actually swing… you need to meet people. And if you need to meet people you need to have a hook to make them want to meet you. And if you need a hook to bring them in… then you fix your profile and/or pics and you can do wonders in meeting folks… because… and here is the kicker…

Because people want to meet you…

Here is where most people get hung up… they think the profile is all about them… written all about them… and for them… and it is not…

My profile is written for you… whoever YOU are…

Your profile should be written for ME… and all the MEs you want to meet. And let’s ask this very important question… Do you want to meet others??????

I am not gonna lie… writing some positive press about yourself is not easy. That is why people who need press releases written about themselves do not write them. They hire someone who can see in a more objective manner the good, the bad, and the very naughty about you… in regards to the swinger profile at least.

We all know that we get tired of hearing how wonderful someone is if that is all the profile is about just as much as we get tired of hearing of all the ‘things’ they hate about other people… there has to be a happy medium… Don’t you want to find the happy medium… the profile that is going to attract the people you want to meet…

So how do you craft a perfect profile?

Well first of all, forget about the profile being perfect.

It won’t be.

So don’t try.

Just make the profile better. Engaging. Real. Funny. And you can do all that in one profile. Honest.

It isn’t hard.

Go ahead and try this easy idea.

TALK TO ME. Write as if you are talking to me… not telling me that I don’t measure up based on my impression of your message…

Talk to me like you WANT ME TO WANT TO MEET YOU!!!!

When crafting your profile consider talking to me. Act as if you are going to be talking to me in person.

Okay, maybe you don’t want to talk to me. But how about someone else that you want to impress.

You may want to go back to me instead… here is why…. not my ego… but because you don’t want to waste time trying to figure out who you want to talk to about your profile… about you…

So pick me and let’s get on with it. No procrastination… sexies are waiting…

Here you go.

Tell Sophia 3 things about you that are incredible.

Not your spouse. YOU.  About you.

Come on… there has to be at least 3 things you want others to know about you…

Dig deep and you will be half way to impressing the shit out of me and everyone else…

For example, here is a little fact that may not be widely known. Before I colored my hair blond for the first time, I was more introverted than I wanted to be… afraid to be bold and talk to people. However, after I colored my hair for the first time I had found an inner strength to go forth and chat… I also found I got hit on a lot and I was not even in the ball park of being a swinger… or thinking of swinging… Yet, it opened many doors for me to be bold and more extroverted. Which was great practice for many years later when I began swinging….

Now those who have met me may have a harder time believing this from me because I do not appear introverted much at swinger gatherings… but those who do not know me may feel a connection to the moment when they decided to be bold… or those who want to be bolder may look for their ‘blond’ moment to make them bolder…

See what I did there… I built a connection or the potential for a connection in just what I wrote… I opened up and allowed the potential for a connection to happen… isn’t that what we want to happen with swinger profiles…

Now that you have your 3 things about you that make you incredible… go ask your spouse for their 3 things.

Now if you are truly single, you don’t have to do this… if your spouse doesn’t know you have a profile page on a sex site… go break the news to him/her now and get their input…

Then ask each other the moment you knew you wanted to swing… and why?

And then recall the best swinger story you have…. the first swinger story you have… some awesome swinger story you have… Don’t have one yet… well what the hell are you waiting for…

Oh, I know, you are waiting for someone to read your profile and get a connection started because they will follow your lists of negative and demeaning stipulations in your profile…

Guess what… you may want to go back to the action plan of finding interesting stories to tell…

And you have the elements of one kick-ass profile…

Consider this little profile example… please know this is all made up… not mine and hubby’s experience and it is not anyone that I am aware of… I am making it all up following the guidelines I have set up in this post… but if some of the things written in this profile makes you think of something you may have told me since I first started communicating with you… umm… sorry.. but you see in my brain I stored a lot of little tidbits from people and sometimes the combination of all these little tidbits…. well they come out in a very creative manner… but please don’t ask me to catalog who gave me which bit… I am doing to deny, deny, deny…

Here it goes…

Twelve years ago I met an incredible lady who was extremely sexy and captured my heart right away. I believed there was nothing else in this world I could ask for… yet, here we are… our desire for variety in our sexual experiences together and a part have brought us a number of exciting adventures.

On a recent bike ride, I stopped at an overlook and was appreciating the view when two beautiful women on bikes stopped. A man’s dream come true. They chatted with me and I of course had to flirt with them both. They stayed engaged in the conversation and the flirting became hotter. My wife happened to call at that moment and I told her that I was lucky to be chatting with two very hot women. The women beside me blushed and loved the attention I gave them. I asked one of them to talk to my wife on the phone. Yet, they didn’t know she was my wife at the time. My wife got on the phone and asked them if they would want to meet us for drinks tonight. Thank goodness it was a Saturday night.

After a bit of convincing of these women that she was in fact my wife, it was okay to meet, and all it really was was a drink… they agreed to meet us later at the bar.

A few hours later, my beautiful wife dressed up looking hot and me, just hoping to keep up with the lovely women I was to meet… we arrived at the bar and saw both women. And their partners.

We had no idea that they were married, nor that they were all swingers. We hit a swinging jackpot. We had drinks, got to know each other better, danced, drank, laughed, and talked. Then we headed to a hotel to see what other trouble we could get into.

My wife has the ability to talk to anyone and convince them of anything. She is lively, smart, and easy to get to know. She loves life and all that it has to offer. Of the two of us, she is the beacon that causes others to want to be near us. As you can tell by the story… I don’t do too bad myself. Must have been the bike shorts I tell you.

If you are interested in seeing what the night will bring, send us an email, IM us or visit us on chat. We love to travel and will set up a weekend trip if the chemistry is begging for us to do so.. you know how it is.

We like to be outdoors as well as hanging out indoors… so if you would like to get to know us a bit more nilla than swingerish for our first time out… please don’t hesitate to suggest something. You never know what we may experience together. If you are interested and you read this far… go ahead and ask to see our private pictures… we want to be an open book you will want to dive into.

Oh, so let’s break this profile down a bit… I think it has all the elements a good profile has…

  • it was covered – they are attractive, the female is hot and the man isn’t too bad himself. But hey, this time it was done a bit differently
  • they are laid back, easy going, go with the flow type of people – actually show how they are this way…
  • they do hall passes
  • they like to flirt, dance, laugh, talk, drink alcohol, and hit bars.
  • they will make the first move
  • the wife is a swinger too
  • they really aren’t shy
  • they travel
  • like being outdoors
  • can do things indoors
  • will play on the first date
  • have pics of both of them
  • open to pretty much anything
  • they like to be friends – first even – or at least try to be friends
  • have money
  • educated – she is smart reference – he can write a profile… LOL
  • they are married or at least together for 12 years…
  • they have a great sex life but like the variety swinging brings…
  • have we covered all the overly used and trite words in most profiles yet?????

So what were his three things… biking, dancing, flirting, traveling, outdoorsy – so that is more than three… but hey.. they are nice things nonetheless…

Her three things.. loves dancing, meeting people, approachable, and engaging… how about persuasive…

The best story they could tell… the meeting of two lovely women who happen to talk to Mrs and meet up with their swinger hubbies at the bar… I am certain they got the hint when the wife is willing to take hubby’s word they were hot and she asked them to meet at a bar… yeah you know how swingers are… we are always wanting to convert nillas….

Seriously folks… it is not hard to write a profile like you are wanting to meet others… like you want them to want you… like you have a side of  you other than the jack-ass side, boring side, non-original side of you your profile is sharing right now…

And for all that is good in the world… do not write… what the Mr thinks of the Mrs and what the Mrs thinks of the Mr… Love is blind and all that… ponder that for a while and see if you understand what I mean…

I will leave you with some words of encouragement… from Brendon Burchard’s Motivation Manifesto – “Why, having been endowed with the courageous heart of a lion, do we live as mice?”

Go forth and be the lion you are in writing your profile… and if you think I am talking directly to you… I AM…

Sophia

Play or Conversation – That Is The Question

According to Plato – You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. Hubby found this quote and wow… I thought it went well with some of my recent blog posts… Makes you wonder if Plato was a swinger (thanks Beau for that bit)…. You know me – giving credit where credit is due…

I am sure Plato had a different definition of play… you know maybe Olympic style play… but when you see some of the pictures taken… I bet you are thinking some swingers do it Olympic style…

The quote from Plato makes one wonder if he was correct and if it could be placed in the context of swinging with out much problem… and you know what… even if I was an ALWAYS FRIENDS FIRST swinger… I would think that it would be a great motto to go by…

For the record… I have friends first, friendships started with a play date, friendships after a play date, friendships without playing and not sure if we ever will meet up to play, and you will always be a friend and nothing more…. see I am flexible in my ‘friend’ thing… and this if for Beau – Friends are different than the commonly used word friend to describe the feeling of being sorta acquaintances in order to get in your pants because that is what everyone wants and so few do… I will say, I have only a few Friends from the LS, true Friends…. and that is okay… it is quality not quantity in this situation… oh, almost forgot… the category of friend that has friended himself/herself out of ever being a play partner…

Here is why… in case you forgot in my recent rant of defining friends… a great motto to go by…..

Let’s say you have a checklist of what you must do to determine if the person is friend material.

  • at least reasonably attractive – but shooting more for hot – even if hotter than me – because oddly enough I put higher expectations on hotness from others than myself… because even though I am not “THAT” hot –  I have an attitude of being hotter than I am…. (not being mean here… but this is the attitude many swingers have in the lifestyle… if you don’t believe me ask me for my research on this topic.. there is a lot of it and not just my own…LOL)
  • well – to – do so they can keep up with what we want to do in the ‘friend’ world as well as the nilla world and the swinger world – and if they happen to have a vacation home/boat/the desire to impress and pay for our dinners/drinks/fun… so be it
  • have to have a decent personality – if they don’t can’t be friends – and this means they have to be very funny but not obnoxious, they have to be smart but not talk down to me – they have to be nice but not too nice or they are boring – they have to know what they want but not tell me what I need to do – I am saving that for me to do….
  • must email 5 times at least – both of them to both of us – do not want the other people to like anyone else more than me… I also need to know all that they share – despite that fact I could ask my own spouse about the conversations and trust they will tell me the truth…
  • must text all four of us at the same time – see above because with texting you can send pics… and don’t forget to note that you could share the one pic sent to one of you between the two of you…
  • must video call twice – this is to make sure that you look like your pictures because no one will think it awkward if you get on cam and then you do not look like your pictures and even if you subtract the 10 pounds the camera put on and forgive the sweat pants and ratty t-shirt and the lack of makeup…. what are you going to say to them… sorry you are just too real and not pretty enough to meet… HOW AWKWARD IS THAT….
  • must meet for drink – no more than 30 minutes first time – second meet is no more than 1 hour – because if you bore us in the first 30 minutes we will get up and walk out the door… and hey wait even if you are fun to be with we are still going to get up and walk out at 30 minutes… don’t try to make us stay 31 minutes….
  • must appear how the do online in person – no wait – even better – this is just in case you had stand ins doing your video chat both times… (just wondering if they happen to give you a list of what you can wear and what you cannot wear on this date so they can see that you look similar to the cams…
  • must understand that just because we are friends doesn’t mean we will have sex – EVER……… so many reasons and since this is all about us and not you… we won’t tell you why you are not good enough to get naked and have sex… we would rather string you along… we love people wanting us so much they will do all we say… seems like you may be one of those if you have gone along with what we demand this far….
  • must have at least one vanilla date before one LS date but no full swapping on the first date – to see if you are worthy of our time without embarrassing us in public…

You think I am being mean…. I am not. I have seen so many of these lists of various forms and fashion in the TWO YEARS AS OF TODAY that we have been swingers… I kid you not… We had one tell us that because we do not like sushi (we live in the middle of mountains not on a coast near fresh seafood) we had to meet at the hotel and then we could go to separate restaurants, spend this amount of time there and then meet back at the hotel to play…. Yeah, when he wrote that… I questioned a few things… like his sanity… I will admit… I was blunt, to the point, a bit snarky… and laughing like the bitch I could be when someone thought that would be acceptable to anyone let alone me…. I admit I let it go a little further than I normally would because not only were we 3 weeks in the LS but I was curious as to what else the rules would entail… never had any intention of actually meeting them… but I was in the mood for a little fun…. but when I was told that I could NOT touch him in any way whatsoever but could play with her only… and she could play with me and hubby… and he could play with her… but only when she allowed it… and that he wanted to meet me alone sometime during the day when he traveled in my town… OMG…. that is too fucking funny… I am laughing while telling hubby the fun I had making him think I wanted that and then unleashed my inner bitch…

See guys, I write from my experiences personally experienced and that which people share with me…and you know what… so many people share these things with me… as experiences they have and as new experiences we both share….

But let’s say the ‘ALWAYS FRIENDS FIRST’ couples meet all the criteria and the hoops have been jumped through and you make that decision to play…..

What happens when the pressure to be all you want them to be is so intense the sex sucks??????

The pressure to be everything makes him and her less than perfect. They are so worried about the results they forget about the journey they should be enjoying….

Yeah, that happens a lot actually…

Expectations set is bad enough.

Expectations set too high is worse.

Expectations set to high and reality coming in at a normal level or below… shatters everyone…

And who’s fault is it?

I won’t answer that question and let you ponder it a bit…. I would be very curious to hear your answers.. please let me know however you want to let me know… I am serious… please let me know…

Now let’s say you and your spouse decide who to get to know/play with in a manner something like this…

  • Decent pic… wonder what they look like in real life… you know not everyone takes good pics all the time… let’s read the profile to see what they are like..
  • Profile is pretty cool… not many rules, preferences, you gotta be and do this to make us happy… more information about what they like to do… sounds like fun…
  • Oh hey, look they are online and open to IMs… let’s IM and see what they are like…
  • OMG, they are hilarious… they sound fun… wanna invite them to a party or something…
  • Hey wanna go to this party and meet us there… Yeah, great… how fun…
  • At the party, OMG, you guys are just like you appear. I am having so much fun…
  • Wanna make out…
  • Wanna play…
  • Oh YES…
  • And then they hang out in vanilla world and LS world because they took a chance, found much in common and didn’t stress much because it was a lot of fun to let it happen naturally.

I use the above as an example… because you know what… we have had a number of scenarios like that… and yes… sometimes it took more than the 5 minutes to read the scenario for it to play out… but when it did play out… oh my…….

We have avoided those who have the first checklist after we ran across so many profiles who did this. The first one got too detailed in what we were to do and how to do it to just meet… the second one is a funny now that we aren’t going through it story… but we didn’t meet either of these people.. and that was in the first weeks/months of meeting them online. But this happens all the time….

My point in all this is sometimes it is better to keep what you WANT/NEED on the down low and just share about yourself…. and your spouse… tell a story of why you swing, what you want from swinging… but not by listing rules or do this – do that chants…

I know what I am talking about…

Here is a screenshot of our SLS profile page…. Check out the number of page views that is reflective of how many we have each day to keep up at that level of page views… and we don’t live in a highly populated swinger area…. and because it is a bit blurry…. it is 12,845.  Yeah, that is a lot of page views every day….

sls

Not all of our pictures are open to folks so it is not like they are just peeking and getting off from the naughty pics that are in the locked galleries…

And they do read our certs and see that we are a lot of fun…

And they read our profile…I have posted our profile on another blog post a while back.. won’t repost it right now… maybe another time… and we get emails all the time, and IMs and Chats about how cool our profile is… the best they ever read because they walk away hard and wet and knowing a bit about us…. rather than seeing how they do not measure up…

When they meet us they see that we are just like we say we are…

There is some nervousness, fear, excitement, anticipation and all those other nice fun things to have… but usually after the first few minutes around us/me as I seem to cause fear in others more than hubby does… they see that I really am a lot of fun, easy to get to know, flirty, making them relax… because the person they wanted to know is who they are getting to know…

But how can you do that if they do not know what you are like from your profile?

At some time in our 2 years of swinging…. we have met a couple through chatting with them first and then we met them at a party. We didn’t look at their profile because we had been chatting with them and found out more about them than their profile could tell us. We did look at a few pics of them and gave them the benefit of the doubt that they ‘likely’ take bad pics… we meet them at the party and they are not like they appeared online… they were much more interesting online and that was not saying a whole lot. One part of the couple acted ‘so much better than the rest of us’ and that was a bit of a turn off… they appeared friendlier online than they did in person. The pics were accurate… which wasn’t really that good of a thing… we were hoping against hope they looked better than their pictures… all in all we had a okay time… but nothing to make me want to have sex with them and even less to want to have a conversation with them. We checked out their profile and read the list of dos and don’ts that they had and compared it to what they presented online and what they presented in person.  We were glad we met at a party and could wander to meet others… so very happy… OMG so happy….

We found that the manner in which a person writes their profile does demonstrate so much about them and often it comes across as negative. In writing and well folks… how’s this for honesty… in person… YEP… there you have it… a person who writes out all their rules because it is more important to control folks who contact them will be that way in person… they are not really easy going and laid back… they are so not… I cannot express this enough… they are not easy going and laid back… they want spectacular experiences without offering anything that is spectacular themselves… it is a horrible way to swing… and we know it is for them… as they have few experiences and complain that they have few experiences… and the ones they do are not what they are wanting… and the others are not good enough for them…. OH YEAH… they say that shit to me… all the while thinking … sweetie… you are so not going to get in my pants… how many more minutes until I am done talking to you… you are bringing me down….

How can this be I asked myself? How can  people who WANT to meet others and PLAY with others (if that is in fact your end game) make it so hard to find others who want to play with or even meet them?

I am not kidding… I wonder about this all the time…. I know the answer but I don’t know how to share this effectively…

I read those emails of people who rave about our profile being so cool, the best profile ever, and all kinds of gushing things…and I wonder what are they thinking when I read their profile…

Why are so many people coming across as negative in their profiles?

Why do you have to list all that you do not like about yourself? What makes you think we will like it anymore than you if you point it out? I am serious… I cannot tell you the last time I cared about a stretch mark you have when I have my own. I am sorry but it is pretty much a given if you gave birth you have stretch marks.

If you are more than 20 years old you have wrinkles of some sort… or grey hair… or heaven forbid cellulite or extra weight… HELLO… few people are absolutely perfect… why on earth are you pointing out your flaws…

Why not tell me about you that is good… that is fun… that is worth getting to know… unless I get off cataloging everyone’s flaws (which I do not) I couldn’t give a shit about your flaws…

I do not need to know what you like to have – the smallest details about what you like or don’t like…

Hear me out…

I do not do ALL I LIKE TO DO SEXUALLY with every single person I meet.

I do not expect to do ALL I LIKE TO DO SEXUALLY with every single person I meet.

Sometimes you put too much information out there and you scare off people or annoy people with all your rules that would like to do the same things you do… with you…

You appear overly negative, hard to please, hard to make happy, too demanding, too needy, too…. too much for many to handle for even a few minutes to be the friend let alone want to play with you…

Now you will probably say… well people still contact us…

Great… how many of them  (are/have) 1. read your profile? 2. Care what your profile says? 3. Plan on being your friend after they play with you? 4. Love the challenge you just put out there?

You may not believe this… but some people get off on a challenge… they like to see if you will play on the first date if you say you won’t. They like to see you devastated because after you finally give into them after being friends they leave you high and dry… because they like to make you feel bad afterwards by telling you in a variety of ways… umm you are not worth my friendship… you were just a pussy or cock for me…

People can talk a good game… seem like the best friend you can have, gain your trust and then get what they want and then leave you… maybe not in overt ways, but they are subtle about it… don’t want anyone to think they are just swinging for the sex you know… they will be busy from now on when you want to meet… they will ignore your emails or texts pretending they didn’t see them or were busy and forgot to respond…

How do I know this? I read blogs, forums, chats, texts, and hear in person these stories… we have seen people do this with us…

Most of the time them acting this way has been a huge favor to us because they did the dirty work, appeared to be the bad guy/girl/couple… and we breath a sigh of relief when we are no longer forced to deal with them anymore…

We hear of people that have been friends for a long time with someone they wanted to play with… it just never gotten to that point where the friendship turned to playing.

All kinds of reasons for it…

We have had people ask me to start forum threads on this topic… about when they have friends that have moved from potential play mate to no way in hell will I play with them… no longer attracted to them… or friends and played once and never want to play with them again because they are not very good at the sex part and they would rather not have those benefits anymore. And there are those situations where they live close to them, do not want to have sex with them and if the truth be told, no longer want to be friends with them anymore but they are stuck with them because of locale and public knowledge they are friends…

Sheesh…

Guess Plato was right… You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation…. maybe there is a happy medium…

Sure hope you find that happy medium…

Sophia