I had a conversation with a male reader (you would be surprised how many readers are male… lol) and he wanted to discuss my blog posts about engagement… swinger engagement. It was an interesting conversation to say the least… he wants engagement, he doesn’t want engagement, he wants her to engage him but not all the time, but when she doesn’t engage him, he is upset…
I laughed and said to him… ‘you sound like a girl’.
He said, ‘I do, don’t I?’
Here is his conversation we had… I do have to tell you, that most of the conversation was him talking and me listening. Believe it or not, I do this often… if someone has something to say, I will let them say it… And if they have this much to say, they really need to say it. I will also add that I corrected some of his spelling mistakes.
I want a woman to engage me. It is quite simple. I want a woman to tell me and show me she wants me. I just don’t want too much of it. Do you know what I mean? There is a fine line between engagement swinger style and wanting to be engaged to me. If they act like my wife, I am out of it. I want someone who is fun, sexy, flirty, and wants me. I don’t want another wife. Does that make sense? I don’t want to be bothered constantly by the woman who thinks I need to have 24/7 contact with her. There are days where I don’t have anything to say and you can only say you want her so often before you get tired of saying it. I am serious, what do you think?
I get what you are saying. There is something very hot about having a great conversation with someone, but not all day, every day. When you think about why a person is engaging you, for sex… it should be sexy fun. I think we are talking about engagement versus the ‘friend’ zone communication. For some it appears to merge quickly to the friend zone and they forget the wanting sex part. I have had a few guys who thought of me as one of the guys, a spouse to complain about work with, and other less than sexy things. So I think we are on the same page. I agree there are days when I am not able to form a complete sentence and then I have to carry the whole conversation… that usually gets me a bit upset. LOL.
You do get where I am coming from, I have friends that I can talk about a lot of topics, you included. But I am not wanting that with every single woman I try to engage for sex. There is a huge difference. I have a wife and kids, I don’t need another family’s responsibility because you want me to act like your husband or boyfriend. On the other hand, I get upset that women don’t think they need to engage me. I am tired of having to try to get a woman who says she wants to meet us to talk to me. I get upset with my wife when she acts that way to other men. If you do not want to engage a person before we meet or while we meet, sex is not going to happen. I am not going to waste my time trying and trying to get a woman to talk to me before we meet or while we are meeting.
A few months ago a couple approached us and we responded we would like to meet them. The husband and I made the arrangements. He asked if he could talk to my wife to get to know her some. I gave her KIK out and he gave me his wife’s KIK. He then tells me she rarely talks to anyone before we meet in person. I had to wonder, why ask to talk to my wife then if your wife won’t talk to me? That is fucking stupid. I asked my wife to limit the amount of communication with this husband until his wife communicates with me. She reluctantly agreed after I explained that I am tired of boring as shit dates with people who do not flirt or talk or show us they want us. She was reluctant because she really wanted him.
The wife didn’t respond to my “Hi, thought since we are going to meet, I would say hi and get to know you a bit. I am looking forward to meeting you.” A day and a half later I sent a message to her asking “I won’t bother you if you are not interested in chatting with me. Could you let me know if you are interested in getting to chat before the date?” I received the following text back. “I really don’t like to text.” I asked her if she would rather email back and forth. Nothing. Two days later we had our date. I didn’t want to go to the date. My wife had only 4 texts with the husband. She told him in the first text that ‘we have a rule to text as equally as possible with our partners, meaning if your wife doesn’t text my husband, I won’t be texting you very much or at all.’ She thought it would encourage the husband to get the wife to text me at least in response to my efforts to find out if she wanted any engagement at all. The other husband wasn’t really that happy with the ‘rule’ we just made up in this case and sent quite a few texts my wife didn’t respond too. It was awkward to say the least.
We go to the date and they did what you say you hate, they sat on one side, we sat on the other. We tried to switch it up, but they sat down first and wouldn’t move. They were boring to talk to as they barely talked. They kept right up next to each other and touching each other and kissing each other. I told my wife I didn’t want to go as I knew it would be like this and it was. We ordered dinner and when the food came I paid attention to my food and ate quickly. I wanted out of there. The husband came right out and asked my wife why she didn’t answer most of his texts. Awkward. My wife was a bit pissed at this time because the date was from hell. She said, ‘I told you if your wife wasn’t going to text my husband, I wouldn’t be texting you.’ The husband told my wife he didn’t think she was serious. The wife just looked at my wife like she was a bitch.
We knew very little about them from this date and I leaned over and kissed my wife by her ear and said, ‘let’s go’. I asked for our check and the wife asked me ‘why we are leaving?’ I told them both very bluntly, ‘we tried to get to know you before the date and you didn’t want to communicate with me. We tried to have a conversation with you tonight and you barely said anything. You are sitting by each other, touching each other and not paying any attention to us or letting us know you are interested in us. You are actually sending a message you are NOT interested in us. What is the point in staying?’
She had tears well up in her eyes and I have to admit I didn’t believe they were real. She said, ‘you never told me you wanted me.’ I looked at her with disbelief. I couldn’t help what I said next. It is all true. “I don’t want you. I don’t want someone who doesn’t want to get to know me at least a little. I don’t want someone who won’t engage me. I don’t want someone who can’t even respond to a simple text message or at least email me to get to know me. You are sitting there practically on top of your husband and barely look at me or talk to me or show any interest to me. Why on earth would I want you? What reason have you given me to want you?”
The husband got upset. I decided to let him have it too. I asked him, ‘do you think you showed my wife any respect when she told you to not text unless your wife texts me. You sent her 35 texts in 4 days trying to get my wife to text you back. Then you sit here tonight saying nothing much to either of us and think we want to fuck you. That is just crazy.’ I stayed calmed while saying all of this to them. They just sat there looking like a deer in headlights. My wife got ready to go and the husband says, “I don’t know what your problem is, but that is not fair. We have little experience in the lifestyle and you could have been nicer to us.” I looked at him with disbelief as he is trying to make us feel guilty. I asked him if they act this way to all their dates. He said they did. I asked if they have ever swapped with them. They haven’t. No one would offer to fuck. I couldn’t help it, I told him then rethink how you act and try engaging people, both of you. You are cock blocking yourselves by being cold and impersonal. We got up and walked away.
They sent an email later bitching at us about how we treated them. I ignored them. Stupid swingers.
I thought that was a great story. It is hilarious that people think that not engaging people you want to fuck will build interest. It doesn’t. This is certainly something to shake one’s head when you see it.