Category Archives: capture

Looks, Personality, Both or Neither? Part 4

I had a conversation with a person on this topic… actually several people and several conversations with many of the same people… but this one particular conversation was very interesting. It was interesting because, this person believes that how a person looks is the sole indicator of who the person is.

So, if you are tall and lean with a very attractive face is worth more and is better than a shorter person with a little bit of excess fat in a few places and their face doesn’t matter because of their little bit of excess fat… their worth is not as much as the tall lean person.

I had to ask if they were in fact playing a game with me… I mean really? A tall lean person is worth more than a shorter and slightly plumper person?

I asked them their height and weight.

They are not the type that fall within tall range or lean. They are in fact shorter and plumper than what is considered tall and lean.

So… I had to ask… “What is your worth?”

They believe they are tall and lean… I could tell by their answer. “We are worth far more than someone who is shorter and plumber.”

How so? I ask. I mean… a guy who is 5’9″ is not really tall… he is not short… he is well… height wise… kinda average… I mean the average male height in the US is 5″9.5″. That is not really tall… and unless they are very fit… they do not really quality for tall and lean… so how are you worth more based on your height?

Oh, yeah let’s discuss your weight… here is the BMI for a 5’9″ man…

Height                                 Normal                              Overweight                    Obese

5′ 9″ 128 to 168 lbs. 169 to 202 lbs. 203 to 263 lbs.

I won’t disclose his weight… be it is the higher side of overweight… so where is his worth?

He is not tall and he is not lean…

She doesn’t qualify as tall and lean… she is 5’1″. She won’t disclose her weight… which typically leads one to believe she is not lean for 5’1″… and this is not to shame her… but it really throws the reality of the situation into the forefront…

They believe the taller they are the more they are worth… the leaner they are the more they are worth… and unless they are measuring people that are significantly shorter than them… they do not even qualify for their own measuring tools… and to place worth on that…

A person wrote on twitter to me… that he looks at both… however, it is one’s looks that begins the process of consideration. That is absolutely perfect… and very true.

 

I have to wonder though… how many put forth any real effort in how their first impression is made? Do they put forth any effort? Or enough effort to make themselves worthy of consideration? And I am talking personality and looks… sadly few do.

I also wonder if people will actually take a really hard look at themselves – those who go around grading others on hot and not scales… at themselves and think… am I really that hot? Or is my looks and personality keeping me from being fucked by other swingers? Or even being contacted by other swingers.

We receive a number of emails that comment on how cool my profile is… how good looking we are… how sexy I come across… and how much they want to meet us… and then when I see their profile… nothing stands out… not their profile (often too much sounding like everyone else’s – why should I want you? All you do is list rules.) No face or body pictures – hard to find chemistry with one titty shot… and what is much worse is when your profile pictures absolutely suck… if I cannot tell what body parts are showing or in what direction… then what the hell???? why would I want to look at more? If you are showing you looking uncomfortable and unhappy…. why the hell will I want to meet you?

I stand by my statements I have made that profiles mean shit to me and are a waste of time… if you want my attention, reach out to me and engage me… come to a party we are having… suggest we meet at a party elsewhere or a club… let me see who you are in person and through your communication skills… and engage me in person… that means a helluva lot more than just the meaningless and often time repetitive from all the other profiles… and the stiff and awkward pictures… I want someone who knows that to really impress a person… you have to put your best foot forward… in looks and in personality… and enjoy the true fruits of your efforts…

Suddenly, an average person becomes highly wanted… flaws and all… because they learned the real secret of engagement in swinger world…

Happy swinging!

Muah Sophia

Looks, Personality, Both or Neither? Part 3

Well, I seemed to have upset a few people… I mentioned the word ugly…

Here is a news flash… ugly exists… ugly Christmas sweaters… ugly words… ugly thoughts… and yes, sometimes people think other people are ugly. Whether you soften the word ugly with unattractive… you are still thinking a person is not very attractive… or physical attribute challenged… no matter how you soften it up… it is still meaning the same thing… you are not pleased with how something looks.

I never called any one person ugly… I just said… ugly exists… look at the Walking Dead… or other shows and movies where there are some ugly on purpose people… and yes, when someone is unfortunate in their looks, takes no time to pretty themselves up with any tool available to him/her… and that can include things such as soap, water, combs, hair cuts, brushing their teeth… you get the picture…

And think about this… you see a profile picture of someone sitting slouched on a sofa, dirty clothes, messy hair, filth all around them, a cigarette hanging from their mouth, food on their face and clothes… you will think that person is ugly… your first response is – how ugly…

You can think that a person is ugly… but here is the thing… most swingers feel a need to announce to everyone they are around – how ugly that person is. And they do not see how that is wrong… Look at that couple or that profile… talk about a hot with not… and they don’t seem to think they could… I don’t know… keep it quiet.

It is normal to see someone you think is not attractive… it is normal to acknowledge it to yourself… I am not interested in that person to fuck because I do not find them pleasing to the eye… they do not spark any sexual chemistry… is perfectly fine. To announce it in such a manner that sounds like you are judging their value as a person to fuck based solely on their looks… is just rude.

Yet, because someone thinks that they deserve to only fuck the hottest of the hottest… they will judge others to their scale of hotness… and yet, they fail to realize that they have been judged by others just as harshly.

What one person finds ugly… another person finds charming, cute, hot, or whatever… what one person finds hot… another person finds not so hot…

It is all about perspective… one person’s perspective does not make the overall reality.

I have stated this many times… I do not find Brad Pitt or George Clooney hot… and so many other people do… they find them very, very hot… I do not think they are ugly… but they do not fit what I think is hot… their looks do not get me all hot and bothered… I am neither swayed in a positive or negative manner by them… they simply exist as men with looks…

My perspective is not the same as others… and that is okay… I don’t have to have the same opinion as others.. but I am smart enough to know… that my perspective is not the final authority on the hotness of Brad and George.

If I was in a room with Brad and George… and we were sitting at a table or in a sitting room arrangement… I would not say to them… “I do not find either of you hot or even really that attractive… I don’t find you ugly… but you really do not turn me on.”

I would not say that… even drunk… I know that by saying that… out of the blue and not in response to the question… “do you think we are hot?” I would come across as a self-centered bitch… if I was male and these were two women… I would be considered an asshole… yet… for some reason… swingers think… “I am hot… I am special… I can determine whether you are fuckable and then let everyone know…”

The truth of it is… it is rude. And it plays into the personality of these people… and that is truly what makes a hot person or a not so hot person… umm… ugly.

I am not really sure why people think that swinging allows them to be mean to others… in how they talk to you…

I have had a guy make a big deal about the color of my hair… it looked different from my pictures… did you want to fuck me or the color of my hair?

I have had people tell us that they won’t fuck bald guys… or they would only fuck guys with a full head of hair or completely bald… Nice job playing into someone’s insecurities…

I have had guys tell me they are okay fucking or they like fucking larger girls… or really curvy girls… and here is the thing… I get they are letting me (who is not anorexic) that they want to fuck me…

I am going to ask this question… was it really necessary to tell a guy that his hair situation matters or by trying to be nice to let me know my body shape is acceptable by them?

No, it was not… all you had to do is let the guy know you want him or you are not interested in them… you did not have to mention their hair status… if you do not find a bald man sexy… then pass him by… it is not like he will suddenly have a head of hair… just simply say… not interested…

Instead of pointing out that larger girls are okay to fuck or they like to fuck… can’t you just say… I want to fuck you? Do you have to quantify it? Do you have to point out the flaws that you find acceptable? Do you have to be mean… while thinking you are really giving a complement?

I had some people send me some comments and demand that I understand that as hot people they have the right to be picky…

I asked… so do not so hot people have a right to be picky too?

I was told that the not so hot people usually are not too picky?

Really? You know that how?

And this really goes towards the question of looks, personality, both or neither…

Sometimes, people recognize that there is more to swinging than a cock or pussy… sometimes people recognize that there is more to swinging and a person than their looks… sometimes people recognize that attraction in swinging and with people in general, you can look for things that are outside that of a spouse… and sometimes… it is the fear of connecting too much with someone that causes people to focus on the superficial items…

I had a conversation about that… and the person demanded that I understand their point… that because they already have a spouse… they want to swing with someone that is aesthetically pleasing, perhaps this is where the hot comes from… and as a result… they look only at how hot a person is…

I believe I got what they were saying… here is what I read… “My spouse is NOT hot… I want to fuck someone who is hot… I will seek only hot people because I am tired of fucking a NOT…”

How did I do?

I think I hit the nail on the head…

Muah Sophia

Looks, Personality, Both or Neither? Part 2

In the previous post, I talked about hot with not… the reality that some people are ugly… and most people who are talking hot with not… well, one of them is a not… got a comment /question immediately from that post and here it is…

“What is your fuckable level if you are a not?”

I am going to go out there on a limb and say… pretty high if you consider how many not so attractive people swing and have certifications, verification, raves, and other forms of comments saying they were fun to fuck…

The point is… if you want to fuck someone, you will adjust your criteria to fuck them… you may not tell anyone, or you may walk around saying you took one for the team, or you just jump up and down in excitement… but people will fuck someone they do not find hot all the time. And I believe it is because… they get to a point where they change their criteria for who they will fuck.

I am not sure it is taking one for the team in essence that you had no choice… you always have a choice… What I do believe it is… is you realize that maybe you are kidding yourself on how hot you really are.

A person’s ego is a great thing… and a bad thing… depending on whether or not your ego gets out of line… I have seen people who are at best average in looks and body elevate themselves to a higher hotness by not being aware of how they come across. They come across as fun, authentic, humble, and do not go around exclaiming how they must be so damn hot.

What makes them hot is not their looks, but their whole self… their personality and their looks combined make them even hotter…

That is what I meant by looks, personality, both or neither… what does make a person hot… and what makes you want to fuck them… just their looks, just their personality, both looks and personality or neither, they just need to be breathing… believe me, there are plenty of people out there that are that way… you breath… they fuck you… makes a person feel mighty special all right…

I am going to admit that I do not base my decision to fuck you on looks alone. I will admit right here right now, if I find you to be repulsive looking or ugly… I am not likely to find you attractive and that means I probably will not want to fuck you. I am human. I am flawed. I am certain people will hate me or praise me for admitting that… I do not fuck every one that breathes. However, you do not have to fall within whatever range people claim you have to be to be hot.

I have fucked guys that are incredibly hot… to me… and I have fucked guys that were attractive… I have fucked guys that were average and I have fucked guys that were not really remarkable at all in looks… as in, I would not know how to describe what they look like… hot, attractive or average… they were just… fill in the blank.

Looks do not matter to me to the point that I must fuck hot and hot only… My ego is not in need of being stroked and I am not interested in fucking people so that I have a wall of fame – as in look at all the hot guys I fucked wall of fame.

I am truly more interested in the person as a whole… Yes, I won’t fuck someone I feel is ugly because I am not attracted to him… I am human… yet, at the same time I do not fuck someone solely because of their looks… I believe I fall in the middle ground… where I know what the reality is… and the reality is, not everyone will have a hard body, gorgeous face, and perfect cock…

The reality is… I am not running a beauty contest… I am not looking for Mr America… the god of men… I am actually looking for men who interest me… who spark that desire in me for them… their looks do not matter as much as their ability to communicate… their ability to recognize that in order to fuck me they have to engage me…

I have been approached by men who are attractive and have a great body and their personality sucked. They had egos the size of mountains… and well, they often appeared stupid, conceited, uninteresting… and the entire world revolved around them and their sexual greatness… It was a turn off.

I had one person plan on coming to a state near us from a state so fucking far from us… his ego was so large and uncontrollable… he thought, seriously thought that we would make plans to see him even if he gave us no details to meet him in this city in this state not our own and would be 6 hours one way… for several months he talked about us meeting… he wouldn’t give us a day or even the week other than early November… he wouldn’t tell us where they were staying so we could make reservations for ourselves… and when we would make those reservations I had no idea as he never told us when they would be there… At some point, I lost complete interest in meeting him… A week before they arrived at their location… he finally told us the dates they were going to be there… but not the days they would be available to meet us… seriously, could not believe that he thought there was a chance after months of asking for details that we would want to or even could drop everything, take time off work and meet him in the correct part of the city, that we were never even told… then he told us after they arrived, we needed to get our asses down there… I hadn’t rearranged my schedule because I had no idea when to rearrange it for… and my husband hadn’t requested time off because his employer actually expected him to give them dates of when he needed to be off… then the guy is like, well I can drive to you guys… really? That is the solution you came up with… we wanted to meet you and your wife… not just you… and well, this seems like a bait and switch type thing… and then the last straw was when he said… ‘I thought you wanted to meet me.’ I did, but it seems like he wanted to be met more than he wanted to give me the opportunity to plan to meet him… it was more an ego trip than a real trip to see him. He posted on his wall how much fun they were having… all the things they were doing, the people they were meeting… and how wonderful it was to have swinging plans that were kept… His ego and personality made him quite ugly to me… to this day… no matter how many times people go on about how nice he is, how hot he is… I know the truth… he is pretty damn ugly inside… his ego shows all the time and it is pathetic… he believes that hot with not is a criteria worthy to judge on someone alone… he changed it up to effort, and even at that change up… his effort shows that his ego is in the way… he can’t be real, he can’t be authentic… his ego is vastly inflated and well… I saw the real him… and I was not impressed.

I judge people on their whole self… I do not look at their appearance and make a final decision… When I receive an email and then go to look at their pictures… their email weighs more than their picture… I will look at what they say to me… how they communicate and then move from there… if their email engages me… they have a great chance no matter how they look.

If their email is horribly written, rude, or otherwise leaving me to wonder WTF? and I look at their picture… whether they are hot or not… they have no chance meeting me.

To me… I have seen too many hot people with shitty attitudes… I have seen some not so hot people with shitty attitudes… I figure I can always close my eyes if you aren’t that pleasing to look at… but it is really hard to be able to ignore a shitty attitude no matter how hard I close my eyes…

To me, sex is an experience that I enjoy… so it makes sense that I enjoy the person I am having sex with… and no matter what one looks like… hot, attractive, average… I am more interested in who the person is… how they convey themselves… how they engage me… I am not going to find sexual chemistry solely based on a person’s looks… when they kiss me, I generally have my eyes closed… so how does their looks really affect the kiss? It doesn’t. How they make me feel, the need to kiss them, the need to have them is not based on their looks… but how they engaged me…

To me a personality can make an average guy hot to me… when a man knows how to engage a woman… she no longer cares about superficial things… like looks… she has moved into the realm of feeling… of connecting… of expressing mutual desire… and isn’t that what swinging is really about… that kind of awesome sex…

Just my opinion…

Muah Sophia

Do Swinger Rules Hurt or Help Your Swinger Sex?

Hubby and I have one rule… we both have to agree. We don’t always see eye to eye on the swinging thing… like who or who not to fuck… but we agree on several key points…

We will probably always have a swinger state of mind.

We will probably always want to swing.

We will probably always want someone the other doesn’t want the spouse.

We will probably always want something the other doesn’t when the other does.

We do not have a lot of rules because we understand one basic fact. We can enjoy sex with other people and not hold a particular act sacred as in only done with each other. Our relationship is more than just holding kisses sacred or holding anal sacred… we believe what makes us a couple is more than a sex act… and therefore, no sex act that we want is held up to a sacred level.

I am sure you can guess that I am more vocal and more exploratory in swinging… or at least am willing to talk about it… which brings me to a point…

Sometimes spouses are not on the same page at the same time. When this happens… all kinds of rules pop up and then all kinds of trouble happens.

Think about it… when you tell someone – like a child – do not touch an outlet… that child will begin obsessing about touching that outlet. You tell a child he can’t have a piece of candy, a cookie, or whatever.. the child will throw a tantrum, sneak a cookie or piece of candy and you know they will do whatever they can to get the item they crave.

And you know what… you tell your spouse you can’t kiss… and each time there has been a couple that has told us they do not kiss… one of them did. EVERY SINGLE TIME. And it was never the person who demanded no kissing.

Whenever a spouse reminded their spouse to use a condom… that person who was reminded… tried to not use a condom… even when the condom was right there… EVERY SINGLE TIME. And we use condoms. But by telling someone over and over to remember to use a condom… the urge to not use a condom was there.

Soft swappers that are not ALLOWED to full swap… there is one person of the other couple to try to full swap… EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I would love to think it is because I have a magic pussy they can’t keep their cocks away from… or my hubby’s cock is just that wonderful… but sadly, it is only partially us… for the most part, it is because they were told they CAN’T do something. The other part is us… and here is why it is us… because we are not constricted by the rules of an insecure, jealous or clueless partner.

I am not trying to be mean… but when a person has insecurities, swinger sex sucks. When there is a jealous person, swinger sex sucks. When there is a clueless partner, swinger sex sucks. And by clueless… I mean the type of swinger who fails to realize what it takes to actually have swinger sex that is good, fun, full of passion.

We have been with so many swingers that had some insecurity about their body or their abilities or their relationship and you know what… it fucking sucked. We had to deal with them hiding their body part, focus on their partner more to make sure they didn’t do or say something that will hurt their feelings – like “I love your breasts” – because they feel that the only breasts their spouse can love is theirs.

Insecurities in swinging is very common. Very annoying. And everyone has them. The best swingers do not focus on their insecurities. They focus on their partners. The focus on the person they want to fuck. Not on themselves 24/7.

An insecure swinger will isolate themselves during the “get out there and flirt” state… they think someone will judge them… and they make sure someone can judge them by being isolated at the table…

A jealous swinger moves their insecurities out to the public and will make everyone feel bad about meeting them. Seriously… they will make life miserable for all the swingers they are in contact with. They will make sure everyone has a bad time… and then make sure they suffer a bit more.

The jealous swinger will make sure no one has fun… it HAS TO BE same bed and no real talking unless it is directed to them… no one can explore because of the million of rules that have been enforced so they can feel better by controlling everything. And when the jealous person has deemed ‘everything is done’ everyone must stop, even if they are not finished with the play or the act. And you know it never lasts long enough to make sure even their partner is satisfied. Nope, the jealous person must make life miserable for all.

The clueless swinger is one that is also ruled by their insecurities, jealousies and weird behavior and will sit there and wonder why no one is willing to reach out them or make a pass at them… they are clueless that their behavior of a ‘cold fish’, ‘ice queen’, ‘controlling ass’ and so forth is what is causing someone to ignore them.

But it is also more subtle…

The person who doesn’t like to email, text, or otherwise communicate with a prospective play partner… is quite clueless. This is more obvious when they complain they just don’t have as much fun because it doesn’t seem like their partner likes them.

How do you tell a person, ‘well, do something about it”?

I have seen women not reach out to my husband and their husband is talking my ear off… and when we get to the dinner table… him and I are really connecting, flirting, and wanting the dinner to be over… and my husband is sitting there trying to get the person to talk to him. And she won’t. And she gets pissed because her man and I are hitting it off. Very clueless person here and I am not sure why something as simple making a person feel wanted and desired is so damn difficult here.

I have a few guys I talk to and can send a picture of my pussy or tits… and I get some really odd comments. Now, I do not think you need to gush extensively about my pussy or tits… but when I am sending it in response to their comment about how depressing, sad, boring, or otherwise annoying day in an effort of trying to cheer them up… I kinda think more than ‘nice.’ should said… you know to show appreciation at the effort. I mean, do you really think I am going to send you another picture to get nice. For a guy, I think nice is like a woman’s fine… not as great an answer as you may think.

I have some guys who cannot pay a compliment to save their soul. It comes out as a backhanded compliment. Gotta tell you, a backhanded compliment does not instill warm fuzzies….

My point is this… do you really think I am going to instill any real effort going forward with these guys who don’t seem to get it… as in clueless as to what they are saying (writing) and how it appears to the person receiving it? Nope, I am not.

I am a selfish person… I want to spend time communicating with people who make me feel good. If you don’t make me feel good, I am not going to communicate with you. If you actually hurt my feelings, intentional or not… I am not going to communicate with you. That is just how I am. I am selfish that way.

I can have some really great conversations with people that make me feel good and make them feel good but sometimes, I wonder what the hell are these people thinking when they don’t bother with any communication and expect me to want to fuck them.

I want and need someone to reach out to me and connect with me when thinking about fucking me.

So, I mentioned this topic to several people before writing this blog post to see what I thought was similar to what they thought. And I thought I would ask about their views on this topic.

When couples have rules – spoken or unspoken… it causes a few issues to pop up when both sides are not fully in agreement with the rules. Those I spoke to agreed with that point. Being told ‘no’ tends to make the person denied that ‘thing’ want it more. And often the rules make no sense.

My husband has often been in a situation where the other female was not a ‘texter’ or otherwise a communicator and then they felt the disconnect when they arrived for the dinner, drinks, or play time… When you ask them why they don’t like to text… they say, they do not have time for all that. Yet, they want to feel wanted and they get upset when they see their husband and me feeling all kinds of wanted. The woman’s own rules of not wanting to text limits the ability to have some good swinger sex.

It is not really possible to go from really no communication to sitting at a dinner to getting naked and having swinger sex. You simply cannot get into the sexual vibe if you do not put out a sexual vibe. How can you put out a sexual vibe if you are isolating yourself from the entire group (the other 3) because your rule is you don’t text.

Could you have a phone conversation? Send a few emails?

Often, the person who does not want to text has this mentality that as soon as their potential play partner sees them they will be full of sexual giddiness and they will make them feel so sexy, so desired, so… you know what… I want to scream at them “are you really that fucking clueless?”

If you are at a club or house party, there is an expectation that sexy thing will happen and often you gain that vibe immediately upon anticipation of attending. Believe me there are a few wet blankets still that throw their rules in the mix and dampen and kill the sexual energy vibe… but for the most part, there is an expectation of sexual vibes and sexual energy and sexual activity…

Yet, on a one on one date, few share that… and if you have so many rules that you cannot and will not let anyone enjoy the sexy fun… the vibe is gone… absolutely gone.

I am not anti-rules… I mentioned we have one… what I am is anti-ridiculous-rules-to-prevent-anyone-from-having-fun…

Seriously, what kind of sexy fun can you really have if you have a no kissing rule. I cannot tell you how many times we have run across and tried to get passed someone’s no kissing rule… only to have one part of the couple kiss one of us… so what is the point of a rule that says no kissing?

I am not sure… but I have gotten into a lot of discussions with non-kisser that wanted to fuck me and not respect that I need kissing to get that sexy energy vibe… and they think I am forcing them to kiss… I am not… I am telling you, that as long as you have that stupid rule (and yes, I think it is a very stupid rule) I will not fuck you.

I have seen so many stupid rules placed on lifestyle play that make no sense, are repeatedly broken, and just make swinger sex boring as shit…

I really get tired of these ridiculous rules people have and try very hard to avoid them. I have no desire to play with someone that has a shit load of rules that make it only possible to do one or two things only in the name of sex… “I am sorry, today it is okay for you to kiss my left nipple but not my right because of why?”

I am going to go out on a limb and say that if you have to have a huge list of rules… or you find yourself purposely NOT ENGAGING prospective playmates… or struggling with jealousy and insecurities to the point no one has any fun… maybe, just maybe swinging is not for you.

Sex in the swinger context is supposed to be fun, liberating, exploratory, a bit wild (it is a kink after all – swinging)… and if you have so many rules that sex is so boring people wonder WTF are you swinging for??? Maybe you are not really suited to be a swinger.

The idea of swinging is often very tantalizing for people, the act of swinging is often very different for them… they want the tantalizing feelings… the erotic environment… but because of their ‘whatever’ they make swinging clinical, boring, full of rules and very restrictive… they also talk about leaving the lifestyle and do take extended breaks. What they fail to see is they are the reason swinging is boring or unpleasant or not what they expected…

You have to do the work to have a successful swinging adventure… that means – connecting with people, wanting people, showing passion, desire, need, and want… you have to make people feel how much you want them…

And I am sorry, a swinger so full of rules or unwilling to engage sends a message of how little they want to swing…

Ain’t that really a shame… swinging is fun… as long as you invest in the adventure…

Muah Sophia

Feedback On What Do You Like Most About Swinging?

I tell you what, I enjoy getting feedback on what I write, even if it is not in agreement with me. Why? Because it makes both of us think about what was said, how it was said, and determine if there is any room for changing our opinions on what is said. Believe it or not, my opinions often change to varying degrees when I get feedback from others. Does that mean I go completely different on my opinion? Nope… My original opinion is still the same, but with some considerations for other points given.

I received feedback on the What Do You Like Most About Swinging? and it was very interesting to say the least.

I was asked why I keep pointing out that I am a swinger who likes to swing… Very good question. Here is my answer.

So many swingers I have talked to (chat, email, text, kik, in person, on the phone) or read their posts on the walls, profiles or forum posts act like it is some type of swinger sin to admit that they like to fuck strange. And by fuck strange, I mean have sex with someone who is not their significant other.

I don’t have a problem admitting I like to fuck strange. I like to fuck friends and I like to fuck acquaintances and I do like to fuck people who are very much a stranger to me as in I barely know their name (club or party setting please). I am not ashamed to say that I like to fuck other people. Therefore, when I talk about what I like about swinging best… it is in fact, fucking others. I readily admit that I also love meeting people (kinda have to do that when you fuck others), I love chatting with people (anyone who has had any kind of communication quickly knows that I love to get to know them… both sexually and all other aspects of their lives), I love to develop friendships with others (as long as a friendship is actually going to happen and not forced to happen just to fuck…

So you see, I am a well rounded swinger… but make no mistake… I like to fuck others.

The social aspects of the swinging or sexually social adventures happen naturally with me. I don’t need to say that I like to have friendships – those who have become my friends – however the friendships form… know that I like to have friendships and value their friendships. I don’t need to say that I like meeting people – obviously if I want to fuck others I need to meet others… I don’t need to say any of those social niceties – to justify that I like to fuck strange.

Many people do not really wish to fuck strange. They simply enjoy the sexual nature of the lifestyle. They like to be naked, see naked people, talk dirty, fantasize, and other ‘social’ aspects rather than fuck strange.

Awesome for them… they will tell people that they are into this part of it as to lessen the disappointment that comes with wanting to fuck someone who doesn’t fuck others… or rarely fucks others.

Some people are super picky as to who they will fuck… I mean the list of criteria is so huge and so specific, no one really ever fits into the ‘wish list’ and they can say they just haven’t met anyone… I am just guessing here, they really don’t want to admit they are in it solely for the social aspects of it… and this will make them look special or elite and build up their followers of those who hope they will be picked to be the special partners chosen to have sex with…

You see, I am not into that… I don’t hold anyone that high up in swingerville. If you think you are so damn special that we all have to jump hoops and hope and pray you will pick me… well, pass me over. I am not a fan of Jim Jones (early childhood trauma watching news reports about that) and I am certainly not going to be your follower for some poor pathetic scraps of whatever you throw out to those who are dying for it…

I have never in my life had a list of criteria a mile long and certainly unattainable for what people must do to be my friends… nor my boyfriend or husband. I am certainly not going to build one for people I want to fuck. You see… I do not have friends that all look the same… I do not have a past of boyfriends that all look the same… why would I have a specific type of person that must look the same as swingers?

Does that mean I am not picky?

Of course not… I am selective on who I become friends with… who I fuck… who I suck… but I am not using that as a reason not to fuck someone… I know this appears a little off the topic.. but it does go along with another comment I received… “Shouldn’t people have criteria as to who they fuck?” My answer… “yes, they should, for whatever reason, turn you on.”

Isn’t it really that simple?

I know a lot of people find Brad Pitt and George Clooney very sexy. I don’t. Neither one of them. Why? Because of the attitude they portray in the public. I know they may be awesome guys in their private lives… but unfortunately, what I see is not so appealing to me. I have my own list of guys I do find attractive and appealing in the celebrity world… and if one looks at them very closely and breaks down what I find appealing about them… you will see a wide range in there… none of them are exactly alike.

If you look at the men who are my closest ‘swinger’ friends… you will see nothing much in common with them. Not the same height, body shape, jobs, family structure, education level, nor even the same types of conversations they have with me… but what they do have is they have connected with me on a level that spoke directly to me… Yes, that social aspect… but that was not what I was looking for when I started talking with them.

I have had more long term ‘friendships’ (however they are defined) with 4 guys that started early in our adventure. We talk through various means on a very regular basis. We started our adventure in March of 2013. These four have been there since the first 6 months. There are some guys (6) that are going on 2 and 3 years of regular to semi-regular communication. When it is semi-regular communication it tends to be several long and deep conversations rather than the two texts per day that others seem to think is quality communication. Have I played with all of these men? Nope. Some I have, some I hope to play with someday when the location issues are no longer an issue. The point is… how can I have this many guys that I talk to on a regular or semi-regular basis and have deep or intimate conversations with if I am not open to the social aspect of swinging.

But make no mistake… I am not ashamed about the fact that I like to fuck others. I am not going to make comments to others to appear to be ‘deeper’ or ‘classier’ of a swinger by saying my goal is to make life long friends. True friendships happen when you least expect it and when you aren’t looking for them… otherwise it is a forced or faked friendship… because just as true love and emotional connections that we have in our lives… they just happen when no one is looking for them.

Be bold folks… if you like fucking strange… go ahead and admit it… those who really understand who you are and what you bring to the table, will know that you are one who likes to be honest and be bold… and damn, ain’t that sexy?

Muah Sophia

Those Who Chase and Those Who Capture…. Part 3

On the last post Part 2 I left off with this statement…. 

What is even more interesting… and this is a kicker folks… a huge need to see done in order to have success at the chase, the capture or the chase leading to the capture….. and that is to realize how they act before the sex act is a great indicator of how they will be while having sex….

On this part, it isn’t the chase or capture… but how they respond to others…

Have you wondered where I was going with this…. I bet if you think real hard… you can see the path this is going down… but if you thought I was going to say those who build the chase will be better lovers than those who just do the capture at the time of the meet… well, you would be wrong… 

Not what I was getting at all… 

It is not the chase, the capture, the love languages you share or don’t share that will allows you to realize how they act before sex as an indicator of how they will be while having sex…. it is how aware the person is of you and by extension – the others in your group. 

Yep, there you have it… for a great four way connection, two way connection, chase, capture, or speaking in love languages, physical attraction, emotional connection and every thing else that you need to swing… it all comes down to how aware the person is of you and by extension – the others in your group. 

I have said before that I am pretty good at getting to know a person, what they are like, their behaviors, insecurities, and so on and so forth. I am not the only one who can do this…. as a matter of fact… many CAN do this but rarely do because it does take time…. 

It takes time because if you realize what a person is like, you have to then realize what this means to you once you know…. 

On chat, forums, and personal communication with others I have expressed I am not into BDSM. I have mentioned numerous times that I zone out on the conversations on chat about this area of sexuality because it does not mean squat to me… doesn’t turn me on because most of the folks I talk to are men and they seem to think that I am the type of girl that loves to be a submissive… 

I am not. 

I have said this so many times and certain people just do not listen. They do not hear what I am saying… and because they do not listen to me… there is no chase, there is no capture… there is nothing between us that would lead to the eventual swinging encounter…. Hell, if I am honest… they lost my respect… they do not hear what I am saying therefore they keep telling me I do not matter… not really to them…. 

So using the chat example… if someone asks me if I like being tied up and I say no… then the responsible action would be to NOT try to talk me into it… but instead find out what I do like… 

By finding out what I do like begins the chase… opens it up to a capture… 

Back to the four way dinner with Simon, Susan, Cowboy and I…. let’s put this into perspective… 

We know our own spouses… Simon knows me – Cowboy knows Susan…. I know Simon and Susan knows Cowboy…. so we all know our spouses love languages, preference on chase/capture… and other personality issues/quirks/traits/etc…. and we enter into this dinner with that knowledge in mind… 

But we have to do more than keep it in mind… we also have to consider what we will be doing with this information we have…. 

Just because you have knowledge of something doesn’t guarantee that the knowledge carries over to behavior…. 

We have to actually – consciously decide to take that knowledge and do something with it… and it should be something beneficial. 

For example – my love language is words of affirmation. My husband knows this is my love language and has for nearly as long as we have been married… All I have to do is remind him of our first arguments that we had where he SAID something that hurt… My husband knows that one of the things I love most about swinging is the communication with others… the flirting, the talking, the build up before the sex…. well almost as much as the sex…. but he KNOWS words are my thing… so he has to KNOW he NEEDS to TAKE CARE with WORDS…. If he wants to build my interest in him… he has to use words… 

But on the same token… I know his love language is not words…. it is quality time…. I know that if I want him to spend time talking to me… he has to feel he has my attention… quality time… 

If he has said something that hurt me…. because he didn’t think what he SAID would hurt me… but I expressed it did hurt me… he doesn’t say the right words to fix it…. 

Nope – he will want to spend quality time with me as if the words did not happen….

Unfortunately, I cannot spend time with him when he has said something and then more somethings that continue to add to the hurt… 

At some point and time there has to be a middle ground…  I have to support his love languages and he has to support my love languages… a cause and effect…. 

The same happens with the dinner dates… you and your hubby may know each other and how to adapt to the other person… but does the other couple? 

Cowboy and Susan do understand in REAL LIFE how the other person is… are aware of their love languages… so this is not their personal example… not that you guys know who this couple is… but that is not the point… .this is illustration…. 

Let’s say Cowboy and Susan don’t realize how they are different in this adventure… Cowboy knows he loves the chase but he doesn’t really know or care what Susan’s preference is on this topic… and oddly enough… even when the spouse’s claim they do know their spouse so very well… in regards to what they want from swinging… they don’t… hubby and I had a recently belly laugh many times when someone told us that her husband is only in this adventure to see her with other women. He is not interested in being with women… so when he left her in the main room of a party to fuck me in a bedroom where we were the only ones in there… or when he went to fuck another woman at that same party – again in a separate room without wife… or when he made it very clear he wanted to fuck me as often as possible and made a point at another party to ensure all know that he is full swap even if his wife isn’t… and he can fuck any woman he wants…. yeah… sometimes spouses don’t really know their spouse very well… 

But Cowboy is all about the chase and Susan only is interested in the capture… Susan is quality time and needs to have people focus their attention on her… not the attention whore type… but she can’t connect if there isn’t an in person focus between her and the other person (see how I wrote between her and the other person not all the focus on her)…. 

Often in these cases we find a little tension building between the other couple… she is uncomfortable because he is being himself and chatting away while she is sitting there hoping someone will notice… now if Simon is the same way as Susan… they are not going to break out and start talking… so someone has to stop and realize what is going on and how to stop it… and it is not just Cowboy and me that is responsible to do this… 

Susan and/or Simon should state nicely… something along the lines of “I want to get to know you a bit better” and let it out that he/she needs to connect for anything to happen… 

If this is done it sets the tone that all are to be included in this incredible chase/capture game we like to play….  and we do like to play it… we just want to play it on our own terms and not really remember there are others involved in all this… 

We can blame it on human nature… but since we know it is human nature to be this way.. shouldn’t we do something or everything we can to not be this way if it is detrimental to our well being? I mean if you want to have a fun swinging adventure… not being selfish is probably a good thing… but if you are in a life or death situation where being selfish can save your life… such as grabbing the air mask on the plane before worrying about your seat mate having theirs first… 

The chase and the capture…. continues….. 

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…. 

Sophia

Those Who Chase and Those Who Capture…. Part 2

Where I last left off…. the last post…. Those Who Chase and Those Who Capture…. The names used in the previous post… Simon, Susan, Cowboy and I… And I guess I must remind you all Cowboy and Susan live many, many states away… we have not met…. we may never meet… this is just an example and it is in no way an indicator that this has happened with Cowboy, Susan, Simon, or I…. together or individually… this is solely an example, for illustrative purposes only….

Ah, what do I mean by secure?

When there are at least two people in a 4 person situation who love the chase and have built up that chase…. you spend a lot of time wanting each other… if Cowboy and I were at the dinner table with Simon and Susan and we ignored them and their love languages… what often happens to others will happen here… you will find the unevenness of connection a barrier between Simon and Susan and Cowboy and I….

Every single thing that Cowboy and I do could irritate the crap out of the other two. If there is any insecurity in them at all it will start to come out. Depending on how good the person is at keeping their insecurities at bay… this could go fair to good… but you and I know that most of the time the insecurities and jealousies take over…. it is inevitable. People are prone to think of themselves first. Every time Cowboy leans over and touches my arm, puts his hand on my thigh, or touches my hair can piss of Susan and Simon as they may see it not as how swinging is supposed to go… but as a way of saying how little they matter….

Think about it this way… Simon starts to feel a bit out of sorts like he is there by himself… so he will withdraw into himself and then he build up a bit of —- I don’t know—- resentment… and all the while Susan is doing this same thing… so now Simon and Susan are feeling left out of the group… the four way connection is no longer there.

In a ‘perfect’ swinger world… Simon and Susan should be focused on getting to know each other better and building their own attraction or the instant chase as it were… but because they were instantly ignored… they cannot focus on their ‘role’ in all this… they only focus on the pain of what they were left out of at this time.

Where does the blame lay?

To be honest, on all four people.

Cowboy and I know we hit it off… and it is natural to continue that when one gets together. We connected over words. We connected over a shared love language… (remember, you know that love languages in the swinger context is not about the ‘deep long-lasting love between spouses’ it is the manner in which we feel love, desire, connection in our entire life, not just in the swinging or married manner….

Cowboy and I need to understand that we are not the only people in this group…. Regardless of the love language we share… it is rude to ignore others…. we are at fault for our portion of the situation as it is…

But so are Simon and Susan. See, Simon and Susan should be aware of the others in the group as well. If Susan knows that her husband loves, loves, loves the chase… is it fair for her to be upset when he is in the middle of the chase? The same question is fair for Simon. Can you really be upset because you know your wife enjoys the chase and communication with others? To get upset that Cowboy and I were acting as we do every day of our lives is on them. It is irrational to do so, to be upset that their love language is not yours….

It is at this point that most of the connections go awry. People are at their very nature self-centered. When I am having a lot of fun flirting with someone, my attention is on how it makes me feel being with that person. I do not look at how much fun hubby is or isn’t happening…. UNLESS I make an effort to consider others.

I do make attempts to include those who do not get into the chase to be a part of the group. I start conversations with them to get them to open up. I also shut the fuck up so they can talk. I will make attempts to include them in the group….

I am a very observant person. I can pick up on ‘clues’ of what a person is like. I can determine the personality type of a person and identify insecurities and jealousies, areas of disappointment, and when they need encouragement… I am a people person. I can get most people to open up. I can spot a passive/aggressive person right away… I can identify what it is about the situation that is putting them on guard… I know it is hard to believe, but most of us are not as good at hiding the ‘ugly’ sides of our personalities as we think… If you pay attention to a person you can find out a lot about them and if you want to get to know the person.

Often hubby and I can see a couple and have a very different opinion about the male and female half. He often does not see the same things I see in the person. At least not right away. I don’t always tell him my opinion of them right away… sometimes I keep it quiet because they are so fucked up… I find them interesting to observe….

But as human’s do… we let out little clues of what we are like and when we do this…. it makes us aware of the other person and at this time we can adapt, try to change them, or ignore them…. most of the time when we ignore them it is to be more focused on what we want rather than just to simply ignore their behaviors… in fact when we do this we cause their negative behaviors to increase…

You have to be aware of the other people you are with…

But you also have to be willing to adapt to their styles as they must be able to do with yours…

It has to be a 4 way willingness to connect despite your different styles of doing things… or your different love languages.

It would be interesting to know how many of us are willing to do this… give others a chance to adapt while you are adapting…

What is even more interesting… and this is a kicker folks… a huge need to see done in order to have success at the chase, the capture or the chase leading to the capture….. and that is to realize how they act before the sex act is a great indicator of how they will be while having sex….

On this part, it isn’t the chase or capture… but how they respond to others…

You know, I think I am going to stop here for today… till next time sweeties…

Hope you are enjoying this little chase I am putting your through….

Sophia

Those Who Chase and Those Who Capture…. Part 1

First… we had an awesome party on Saturday… OMG it was so good. We had an awesome group of folks who came and it was so much fun…. Best party ever! Okay, so it was our second party… but if they keep getting better, I can’t wait to see what it will be like in a few months… All the guests hit it off… I mean everyone was talking with everyone else… and that was so much fun to watch… their wasn’t anyone who was left in a corner by themselves….

There were some who play and some who didn’t, but all those who didn’t play felt just as comfortable not playing… and that is what we wanted for our parties… to be a place you can come and hang out with no expectations to play….

We were very happy with the outcome of the party and thank each person who came…

But the topic of the day… those who chase and those who capture….

Well, yesterday I was talking via text with my ‘cowboy’ and we were talking about the chase and the capture in such a way that is comes up when about to meet another couple or hosting a party or attending a party…

The mere fact that my cowboy and I communicate via chat and text tells you we like the chase… we like the communication, the connection, the learning about each other and increasing the ‘need’ for each other….

My hubby isn’t like that at all…..

His wife isn’t like that at all….

Now, my cowboy lives very far away and the chances of us actually meeting in person is very slim…. but consider this scenario…. and in order for this scenario to make sense, you have to assume certain facts…. like – my hubby and his wife are physically attracted to each other – or we would NOT be meeting with them… since they do not build ’emotional’ connections with each other or build the chase through WORDS… physical attraction is there…. And for the sake of ease of reading this… here are the names used – Cowboy, Simon, and Susan and well me…..

Simon and Susan do not need words to build a connection to add to the physical attraction they have… Cowboy and I do…. we have decided that we find each other attractive, interesting, compelling, and a need is there…. and it is built and continued with the Chase….

Simon and Susan hit it off when we meet for dinner. Because they do not need words/connection to build the attraction they know very little about each other… They are IN PERSON type of people. They like to see what the person is like in person and find out about them when they can ask and get immediate answers… see their non-verbal cues and so on… They hit it off…. and this is a good thing….

Cowboy and I pay attention to their conversations as I can get to know Susan more and he can get to know Simon more…. our need for words/connection is satisfied…. not on the same level as the connection between Cowboy and I… but it is there….

That elusive 4 way connection….

But hold up… before you think all is good in the world…. I must tell you… this only works if the people involved understand that people are different and many people do not recognize differences in others as to how they receive ‘affection’ or as is popularly known as Love Languages. If you have never taken this test… you really should… google Love Languages and take that test and find out what your love language is – words, quality time, gifts, physical, acts of service…. You will see the differences… my love language is WORDS – I am sure you are surprised….. so I can connect very easily with others whose love language is words…. and when I talk about LOVE Languages… it does not mean that real, deep love like between spouses is happening with those you share love languages – it means simply that to make any type of connection you need to figure out what or how to speak to them to get their attention….

Simon’s love language is not WORDS. His is quality time…. He would be happy spending time in person with people no matter what you are doing…. even sitting in the dark with a person makes him happy (okay, maybe not sitting in the dark, but you know what I mean, he likes the quality time with people).

In some ways, Simon and I are not very compatible… he is not a big words person, much to my dismay…. and if I am going to be spending quality time with him… it would be nice if there was some words spoken… just spending time sitting together at the movies or watching television is not what I call quality time because my words need is not quenched….

So, I will go and find someone else who will quench my thirst for words… and that is one of the things I love about the sexually social adventure we are on… I can find people who love words as much as I do… who love to flirt and talk and it isn’t always about sex… but yes quite a bit… but it can be other things as well…. and Simon can find those who fill his love language on this sexually social adventure…

Yep, that is what I like…. I can get the words that I need… and not all those words are compliments but just verbal or written connection…

When you look at the scenario above… I believe Cowboy’s love language is words… and I won’t guess about Susan’s love language because ummm I don’t know her…

But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that when you connect with someone whose love language is similar to yours… the connection builds… the chase – however it happens begins….

When you have a four way connection, you will find that it does not mean that all four of you have the same love language… or even two of you… it could mean that there is enough similarity between the love languages. Sometimes you can be equally split between more than one love language and you are receptive towards recognizing their love language…

Bet you are thinking… well, I have never heard of love languages or took the test…. I have no idea what you are talking about….

Well, you don’t have to have heard about this or taken the test to have identifiable love languages….

Think about it… if someone takes the time to get to know you in person, really listens to you, really hears what you are saying… doesn’t appear rushed, wants to spend as much time as you need… and this really speaks to you… you are a quality time person…. and if you make attempts to spend quality time with others… instead of hit it and quit it…. it is confirmed you are a quality time person….

If someone can bring you a gift… and it speaks the world to you – and let’s be honest… this doesn’t have to be diamonds and Mercedes… but could be picking wild flowers for you, or finding a cute little picture frame, or picking up your favorite coffee at a coffee shop because they were thinking about you…. you love gifts because it says they thought about you… and if you like to pick out the perfect gifts for people – or think of someone for no reason and you pick them up say a coffee just because… that is your love language…

Acts of service is one that is wide open… if you like to do things for others for nothing in return, take care of their home when they are gone, pick up their mail, take care of them while they are sick, help them clean their home, host a party, anything like that… and you feel loved when someone does that for you… yep, that is your love language…

Physical touch, it is more than sex… it is as simple as having someone hold your hand, put a hand on your arm or shoulder when talking to you or you to them… hugging people… just feeling the person is there… and yes, it also includes sex… you feel sex is more than just the act of fucking but it is a sensual experience of sharing deep meaningful feelings with each other… spouse, boy/girlfriend, or a swing partner…. then physical touch is your love language…

Words of Affirmation – you really enjoy words… you feel loved when someone tells you you matter with words… it is also a double edge sword as words can also devastate you if they do not realize you have a lot riding on words… you love to encourage others, get to know them, and well find out about them through words…. your love language is words…

You can have more than one love language that is dominant in your life… and it does not mean you can’t provide others their love language even if it isn’t yours… it is more likely that you will focus more on the manner in which you spend most of your time giving and receiving….

So what does this have to do with the chase and the capture….

As I demonstrated… Cowboy and I communicate very much the same way… we seem to hit if off… but because I know that Simon and Susan don’t share that same love language… so when we are together… I need to move away from myself and what I need to give Simon and Susan what they need… they like in person communication…. it is important for that connection to happen to be open to what the other person needs… and if you look at it… my love language is still being met… We are all talking…

When Simon and Susan feel validated, loved, wanted, appreciated in their love languages a connection is built and the ones between Cowboy and I are more secure….

Ah, what do I mean about secure?

I will discuss that on the next post….

Hope you are enjoying the chase, the capture, or the chase that leads to the capture….

Sophia

The Chase That Leads To The Capture….

I love the chase and the capture… a lot… a whole helluva lot….

I am not embarrassed to say that I love the chase that happens on this adventure… when you spend time getting someones attention or they get your attention. The feelings you get make you feel giddy, happy, alive, wanted, desired, attractive, and the flood of chemicals in your brain and the changes happening in your body are like a high… and it can be addicting.

It is more than just the chase that is so very, very good. The capture is also very good…. when the build up of all the giddy, happy, alive, wanted, desired, attractive feelings combine and makes you feel so damn good while being captured… or doing the capturing.

I love during the chase to have a running sexy dialogue with people… To talk of what we like to do and what we would love to try… some of it may be with them or some of it is just in general….

I am gonna tell you something… hope this doesn’t surprise you too much…

I am very good writing what I like…

I am very good at expressing myself written or orally….

I have a very creative imagination and well…. my imagination can really take over when I am thinking of sexy fun things to do…. with you or in general….

But that doesn’t mean that what is said during the chase has to be done during the capture….

I am not a girl who likes checklist sex….

Here is what I mean by a checklist… during our chase we talked about the following:

  • wanting or needing to fuck you immediately
  • kissing for hours
  • taking hours at oral foreplay
  • a bit of teasing – me with you and you with me
  • anal
  • having two cocks in me
  • fisting
  • not using condoms 
  • sloppy seconds…. 
You get the picture… our talks may have covered so very much… 
I may have told you how much I want to fuck a real cowboy, a fireman, a Marine, any other thing I mentioned…. but it does not mean that I have these fantasies of fucking say a cowboy built up so big in my head that they have to be fulfilled or I won’t be fulfilled…. 
Checklist sex means that YOU BELIEVE WE MUST CROSS EVERYTHING ON THAT LIST OFF as we complete it…
I don’t want that… I never want checklist sex…. 
I want the freedom we had during the chase to continue throughout the capture. 
What freedom am I talking about? 
The freedom to explore… you know explore what you like, what I like, what we want to do with each other that we may not want to do it with anyone else…. spouse included (often because it is something that was discussed between the two of you and it may not be something the spouse is interested in doing – and that is not a bad thing… it is actually a benefit of being on a sexually social adventure…) 
The freedom to move along with what you want without you having to time what you are doing and go in order…. 
Like you the man always start on the woman’s left breast. Always. Then after about 2-3 minutes of left breast maneuvering you move onto the right breast. For 2-3 minutes. Then you kiss between the breasts then above the belly button, the belly button, and then above the pubic mound, and then the pubic mound, then the clit…. 
Kinda sounds a bit clinical doesn’t it…. 
It isn’t just how I wrote it… it is about the fact that checklist sex is clinical…. if you are not going by emotion (not crazy emotion but going with the flow emotion) then it will be clinical… when your partner can figure out quickly the time you spend on each activity before moving to the next… it is clinical…. and that sucks… and not in a good way… 
The chase has to be freeing for both parties… 
MMMM, freeing as able to be yourself. Not restrained by rule after rule…. if you can’t text your future partner without getting in trouble…. yeah, that isn’t really gonna work when you guys are together… that jealousy has to be gone from the situation… and situations like that are fraught with problems make the person recognize that maybe the chase isn’t as much fun for them… maybe they can only have the capture… 
It is possible to have a generic and platonic ‘chase’. They aren’t much fun. I have been party to them. They are not much fun at all…. 
The chase has to be freeing for both parties…. so the capture can be freeing…. 
I know this may make sense to some of you and not a lick of sense to others…. but if you are not able to freely chase someone without jealousy, insecurity, and other negatives from your partner… the chase isn’t fun for you, the person you are chasing, or the others involved in the foursome…. ugly spreads… 
If you are not able to freely chase… your partner knows there is going to be some bit of you that cannot freely capture… 
But enough of that… 
When you are free to chase and free to capture…. OMG… is that a blast and a half…. 
Consider the following scenario…. 
Once the initial contact was made… let’s say on chat… and then you private chatted and then you exchanged numbers… and then he texts you…. (hey, it is easier for me to role play as the female because well… I am a female)….. 
But any ways… he texts you and says a simple good morning… but he has you turned on just by seeing his name pop up. Then he tells you something funny about his day… or has a serious conversation about things.. (Not serious like the death rates in his locale or such) but about non-sexual things… and then suddenly a compliment… a compliment that mean something… and then a bit of what they want to do with you comes out… and then it begins to be a good mix of sexy and real… authentic… 
Never underestimate a good flirting… there are so many things that one must understand about flirting…. but one thing stands out…. flirting makes you feel wanted… or needed… 
And yeah… that NEED thing (see other posts I wrote on NEED) happen… and that builds the attraction you feel… the need you have to get quenched and OMG… it is such a good thing… a very good thing…. so much a good thing that it can carry you on to the moment of capture while you are still in the clouds… 
It is a great thing to have happen, when the chase is so good…. 
Many fear anything that is too good… that it is too good to be true… or that you have put them on a pedestal… or you have fantasies built up on your head that they can’t possibly live up to… 
But think about it this way… if he was honest with you and you were honest with them… then you both have a good idea of what you each are like and he can be real and authentic with you… there is no need for fantasies because you are so high on your reality…. 
The last guy I played with on multiple occasions… it was like that… we met with no chase before… but met at a house party someone else hosted. We met, hit it off and OMG had one of the most incredibly erotic experiences… wrote about that before in the blog… the breakfast bar scene… so very hot… well, we met up on multiple occasions vanilla and swinging… played and flirted, kissed, teased, wanted each other… each time we met there was a chase in between… there was a need that developed… he and I were very compatible sexually and I loved each time we were together… we could share what we really liked and didn’t like… we wanted each other from the moment we were in the same room…. the chase, the capture, and the other captures… didn’t require a fantasy to be built up… the reality was incredible… It was SO DAMN GOOD…. 
I know of what I speak people… I have been on the receiving end of no chase and crappy capture… I have been on the receiving end of no chase and wonderful capture… I have been on the receiving end of wonderful chase and even better capture… 
One of the fondest chases I have had… it was almost a year to the day that I first ‘met’ him on the forums… throughout that year… he frustrated me to no end… pissed me off a few HUNDRED times, turned me on more times than I should have ever admitted to anyone… I even wrote a few ‘stories’ based on him being the main character… Taking the Edge Off was my favorite one about him… and through it all, I never lost sight of who he was… who the real person he was… his glorious attributes and his annoying behaviors… his sweetness in a not typical sweet way and his arrogance… 
Yeah, making him sound like a real winner huh? He was.. because through it all… he was himself… he was honest about who he was and the conversations we had were wonderful, interesting, frustrating, and very stimulating… he could get my blood boiling in many ways…. 
When we met… it was the greatest moment (not in my life… hey I am married, have a couple kids and well, let’s face it.. that may be a bit more important)… but it was the greatest moment… my reality match the reality he presented. The sex was awesome… 
You see… I love the chase and the capture… and I really love it when the chase is authentic and free… full of being yourself and still and because of that… the capture really puts you at loss for words to describe it…. 
Hope you are enjoying the chase and the capture… 
Sophia