Last year I met a ‘vanilla’ man that I had the opportunity to work with and get to know quite well. We got along very well immediately. Found we had a lot in common, and in fact wrote about him on this blog previously. He was leading some training I was involved in organizing and we had a lot of reasons to meet up in person and of course the usual texts and emails… most of it work related but a few times the conversations moved towards personal topics and as a result we got to be very good friends.
Of course, we flirted a bit and as is common with me… would hug when we met and when we parted… but I do that with just about everyone so it is not that big of a deal.
Last summer I was preoccupied by another guy and not knowing some of what was going on was a brain tumor developing… but because of work we had reasons to see each other and talk to each other and well, by the time I last saw him in February my brain tumor was about to be discovered as my health was obviously deteriating.
We were at a meeting for local entrepreneurs and he came up to me and gave me a very different kind of hug… one that showed a great deal of care and concern for me. I thought it was just because I was looking quite horrible that day… he disagreed and said I looked quite beautiful that day… awe… and in fact, it was the day that I realized my ability to think was deteriorating and my ability to find the words I needed to say were going missing. A very devastating day for me.
His hug meant the world to me. It was a lifeline that I had no clue I needed.
When my brain tumor was announced he reached out to me. He asked how long I had known about the brain tumor. I told him the day I was at his office was the day I realized something big was going on and not a good big.
He told me that he wondered if something was wrong as I just wasn’t myself. He kept trying to flirt with me and I was just a bit off.
I told him that I realized he was flirting with me and my belly was doing somersaults because I loved flirting with him… but even our mutual friend wondered what the hell was wrong with me since she has witnessed all our flirting and I didn’t seem to respond like I used to do.
He told me that he thinks of me often and while he doesn’t always think to send a text and is not sure if I am available for a call, he really wants to contact me. I told him to please contact me any time he wants.
He called me once and asked me if I was up to a conversation. I told him I was, but if I go quiet it may mean I am either about to cry or having a seizure. I laughed. He laughed. Then he says, “I am assuming we are laughing because the reality of this is just too much to comprehend.”
Good communication skills are fucking sexy.
He stayed on the phone with me for about an hour that night. He talked about all kinds of silly things happening or not happening during Covid. He tells me that a few people he knows have or think they have Covid. Then he asked if he didn’t know a soul who had Covid he would be over to just hang out with me.
That was so fucking sweet.
When he can’t call he texts. Updates me on his folks. I started demanding an update on his folks to keep my mind off all the bullshit I was going through at the time.
One time I joked with him that I don’t have to shave my armpits or legs anymore as my hair stopped growing. He says, well I am glad that having shaved armpits is important to you… but I am not sure if I believe you don’t have to shave your legs… I say yep, if you were here right now and running your hand up either leg… from my ankles to my upper thigh… I hear him sigh… and joke with him, ‘what you don’t believe me?” I barely finish that and he says, “I have seen your ankles and calves when you are wearing those short dresses of yours, I can imagine what it would feel like to run my hand up and down your legs… wrapping those legs around my neck while…
He stops talking.
I begged him not to stop talking just yet.
He says he doesn’t want to cross a line.
I begged him to cross that line.
I loved it.
Over the phone.
Hearing his voice.
Hearing my voice.
The next time he reached out he texted me. He asked me if he needed to apologize to me.
I respond only for not being here to fuck me in person.
He jokes with me that he is shocked to hear me speak that word in that way.
I remind him that I texted that and he hasn’t actually heard that come out of my mouth.
My phone rings.
I see it is him.
Before he says anything I tell him I need him to fuck me in person.
He says ‘fuck’.
I say ‘Yes Please’.
He says ‘I want to so much’.
I say ‘I want you to so much’.
We don’t talk for a few days and then had a friend come visit. After my friend went back home I text him and ask how his folks are… he share a few stories of his folks. I update him on my insomnia. He tells me that he has been thinking a lot about me. I say the same thing.
He says that he is surprised by his feelings of attraction to me. Figuring that his attraction could go no where as I am married… I am a complete surprise from how I am in many of the settings we have met in out and about in Asheville.
I tell you what… there is something so fucking refreshing about a man not afraid to communicate and be honest about what he is feeling.
Then he curses Covid and the high risk status I am due to my brain surgery and such. Then he asks me if I was attracted to him because of the brain tumor. I tell him nope. He says that is a relief to him to know I wasn’t attracted to him because my brain was swollen. I laughed hard and he says he is serious. It would be hard on a guy to know that you were only attracted to him because your brain was not working right. I really laughed then. He was afraid to find out why I was laughing so hard.
So he says… why are you laughing so hard?
I tell him because it is so sweet that you are worried I only like you because I had a brain tumor. Then I mentioned that he needed to have a bit more confidence in himself…
He asks me what attracted me to him.
I waste no time and tell him how well we communicate. How easy it is to communicate with him. How much fun it is to communicate with him. It is not a struggle to find things to talk about with him. That not everything said is a competition or a game or meant to manipulate. I find talking with him refreshing for my soul. I am tickled when his name pops up in my phone or email. I never dread seeing his name. Communication is very sexy to me and being with someone who is good at communication is quite a turn on… and that makes everything so much better.
He cracks a few jokes that would make no sense to you all in this context… but it is funny to us because a few times he was afraid I was going to be tired of him communicating with me.
You see, I find a man who communicates with me as sexy as fuck. When that communication is filled with respect and authenticity it is a complete turn on… when it is not… well, that doesn’t really work for me.
Yep, a man who cannot communicate or communicate well or communicates for the purpose of hiding things or manipulating others… not sexy at all.
I have been very lucky to have found a number of guys – whether play partners in the past or the future that were wonderful communicators. And I found them sexy as fuck.
But as it usually goes, I have also been very attracted to men who are shitty communicators and it really didn’t work out well or last long. It is a shame… and being the person I am give them way too many chances… but after a while you have to figure out if it is worth it…
And sadly, it is not.