Category Archives: flirting

Swinging and Social Awkwardness Part 3 A Bit More About Flirting

So, how did everyone do practicing your flirting skills? I have complete faith in you that you were actually coming our of your shell and flirting like hell… (a rhyme there… did you hear my voice filled with laughter and rhyming… hahaha).

First thing this morning, I woke up thinking… there are a few other things I need to mention about flirting…

Have you ever seen someone flirt with other people and do it in a way that was umm, over the top? Everything was so obvious that it was flirting and it drove you crazy because you wanted to tell them to knock it off? You don’t want to be that person.

When I told you that I flirt with check out clerks and so forth and so on… it is not over the top where everyone around me is thinking… “Why the hell are you flirting with THIS person?” The flirting in this situation is more focused on ‘flirting with the intention of making people feel good’ rather than ‘flirting with the intention of getting laid’. Even in sexually social adventures… I flirt, not with the intention of getting laid… but flirt with the intention of making people feel good. That is the general attitude of my flirting with most people I meet… unless I want to fuck you… then I start with the intention of making you feel good… and know that you are on my radar so to speak… and then if I have your attention, I make my flirting more along the lines… of I really hope you get what I want to do with you…. usually this works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Why doesn’t it work sometimes?

A lot of reasons… first and foremost… different play styles… maybe I am flirting with them at a house party and they don’t play at house parties, they only play on couples dates… this leads to a new kind of social awkwardness and I promise I will discuss this when we get to that segment of social awkwardness… you know, how to let others know what you can/can’t do without ruining the vibe…

Sometimes it doesn’t work because they don’t know how to take it to the next level… I have flirted with guys and they know I am flirting with them… they know I want them… they want me… they just don’t know how to move to the next level… and so they don’t. That is a form of social awkwardness… for some people it is because they lack confidence in themselves… sometimes it is because they are moving faster than their spouse is and they have to wait to see if their spouse can connect with my spouse (think party/club situation not just couple dates)… and sometimes, there is the whole ‘we have so many rules that will be broken if I pursue this with you, that I am so scared of fucking up with my spouse that my nerves are affecting my brain and my genitalia…

Let’s look at the confidence, or lack of confidence. This is a huge component to most of the social awkwardness anyone feels in the swinger world and in the rest of their world. I have a confession to make… I may come across as confident and most of the time I am… but you won’t know those times when I am not so confident… Why? Because I won’t tell you that I feel less than confident… and I will – here is the big secret… I will fake it until I believe I am confident…

Yep, there you have it… when I am not feeling that confident, I fake confidence… and then I feel more confident because I did it and well… I now know I can do that – whatever it was that I lacked confidence in – and now feel confident…

Do you get my point?

I have stated it in a number of ways so far in this series and will continue to state in a variety of ways… don’t talk down to yourself or about yourself. Stop using your past view that you are not good at something because it didn’t net you the results you thought it  would… or use it as a ‘save face’ in case you fail method of dealing with things… It is ridiculous to do as it hampers you ability to succeed and it drives those around you nuts…

I am a girl who is always thinking of something to do, write, say, or rehash on how it could go better… for me, this blog is a way to process some things about this part of my life and I love to be able to dissect what went on – both good and bad… I say this for this reason… when you tell me something like “I am not good sexting” or “I am not good flirting” or “whatever else you think you want to tell me you aren’t good at” – I am thinking, then why are you wasting my time.

There you have it…

When a guy approaches me and tells me that he isn’t good at flirting… I am asking myself and holding back the urge to ask… “Then why come over here and waste my time?”

I would love to do that and just see what they say.

When a guy says that to me, they are telling me – not in the words they say but the words I hear – “I know I am going to crash and burn and that means I am not going to put forth my best effort and just hope you will take pity on me and fuck me (swinger setting remember)…”

Here is what I want to tell him… if you can’t put forth any real effort and take the focus off of yourself for a few moments to say something that will build me up in order for me to want to engage you…. what are you going to be like when we have sex?

Don’t think other people think this as well? Well, you are wrong.

Flirting isn’t a one sided effort – both have to engage in the flirting for it to work… however, you cannot flirt with someone if all you can think about is yourself. You have to think about the other person first and foremost… which means – don’t tell me you suck at flirting…

Most people on the receiving end of first flirts are so tickled that someone noticed them, took the time to engage them… it literally sets off reactions in your brain and body that boosts the desire to continue to engage with the person…

HALF THE BATTLE OF FLIRTING IS DONE FOR YOU AFTER YOUR FIRST WORDS TO THE OTHER PERSON!

Yes, I was yelling that… while laughing… because this is so important… if the brain hears and recognizes the flirting happening… and the brain sends out messages to release certain happy feeling hormones and other responses…. why on earth would you fuck it up?

Do not fuck it up. Do not go on about how you can’t flirt, have no game, can’t sext, etc., etc. You put a stop to the goodness happening in their brain and body… and why would you do that?

I think I talked about that enough… flirt = happy hormone release = continued engagement = they won’t evaluate your flirt skill = they just want to fuck you…. (non-standard equation, but then again, swingers are non-standard to begin with)

Swingers are by definition (nothing to do with the single female or male in this general conversation here, but not saying they aren’t a part of the swinging adventure)… swingers by definition are a married or committed couple who choose as a couple to have sex with others. Now, this does not count the married folks who have an account and are actually cheating on their spouses… or any other version of that… and it is not excluding poly… and so forth and so on… it is just a general definition… for this purpose… (I typed that all in one breath and need to take a deep one now)…

Swingers by definition are a married or committed couple who choose as a couple to have sex with others. Repeat after me… Swingers by definition are a married or committed couple who choose as a couple to have sex with others. Repeat again…. Swingers by definition are a married or committed couple who choose as a couple to have sex with others.

Why am I having you repeat this over and over again?

Because… if we know the definition, do we really need to be told all the time what you do with your spouse?

When you were dating before marriage, did you mention your previous boy/girlfriend at ever conversation? Did you mention your current boy/girlfriend to prospective dates? LOL…

If swingers understand that as a couple you are swinging together – as in she knows you fuck strange, he knows you fuck strange (FWB, Hall Pass, whatever you do)… do you need to remind the person who you are trying to flirt with…

Here is a conversation I had with someone… (believe me I have all kinds of fun conversations to add to the blog… damn my memory)

“Hi Sophia”… (I was wearing a name tag at this party)

“Hi sweetie”… (He wrote his name where I couldn’t read it)

“Is this your first time here?” (I will admit that is a stupid first line in flirting… try something original – like, “we love coming to these parties, the hosts are great.” Then I could have said something like… “This is our first time… ”

“Nope, we have attended this party a number of times… by the way… I can’t read your name… what is it?” (Do you happen to see where I went from flirty – sweetie – to rather ‘whatever sounding’ when I go to its not our first time to “what the fuck is your name dude, if you want someone to know who you are then write clearly…” yeah, that is what I was thinking…

“My wife has awesome tits.”

Awesome… go hang out with your wife and her awesome tits… see where they went so wrong so fast… he just did not get that if he wants to flirt with me… and even if he wants to have someone to talk to as his wife is going around blowing any guy with his cock out… he has to engage me… flirting is one way to do that…

Wonder what my response was?

“Since I don’t know who your wife is, I wouldn’t know about the awesomeness of her tits. I am going to head to the restroom and then get something to drink… excuse me”.

Here is another example of talking to much about your spouse… and not having your rules in sync…

“Hey Sophia, how are you liking the party?”

“I am having fun… are you?”

“I am, I want to do some fucking tonight… my wife and I fucked liked bunnies earlier today and I can’t wait to fuck some women tonight here. I just hope she doesn’t get mad. She doesn’t like to fuck at house parties.”

“Well, enjoy.” Exit stage right…

I wish you could see me right now… I am trying to talk myself out of banging my head on the desk… Seriously, recalling these conversations makes me want to bang my head on the desk… utter fail on both of those guy’s part.

Each one contacted me after the party and asked if we could meet up sometime to play… WTF? Why? To bore me endlessly with your stories about your wife’s tits or how much you fuck.

Now, you may wonder if I have a problem when the attention is not on me. I don’t. To be very honest, I don’t fuck every single person who flirts with me. Most of the time, I will flirt with them with no desire to fuck them… ever.

The point is, if they really wanted to fuck me and they thought this manner of engaging me would work, they are stupid.

If you want to get laid in the lifestyle, you do have to do some work… and talking about your spouse, using cheesy or just plain stupid conversation bits that does nothing to make the other person have a rush of happy hormones throughout their body…

Flirting is a process that requires you to be aware of what you are doing and saying and yet appear that it comes naturally – and it can… if you are paying attention to the person you are flirting with… assess, reassess, and adjust your flirting as necessary… and don’t bring your spouse into the mix…

This has to be the most obvious but more often than not missed part of flirting… don’t use your spouse as your selling point to being able to fuck someone. For example: trying to sell me on your wife… just because I may or may not be BI… doesn’t mean that I am interested in her pussy or tits. Don’t tell me she is great at oral. I don’t give a shit… I am not flirting with her… tell me something about you… tell me something that matters to me… and yes, make it about me… so that I know you actually want me rather than as a prop in your fantasy…

Most swingers feel some guilt about having sex with other people and enjoying it as much or in a very different and somewhat better way than with their spouse… this guilt they feel hinders their ability to flirt, be honest with their partner (spouse and new play partner) and hinders the excitement during the sex.

Don’t believe me?

Think very hard about what I said… and ask yourself, have you ever not said something because you might hurt your spouses feelings… like ‘damn girl, how you suck my cock, I have never felt that before?’ or ‘your pussy feels like home around my cock’ or ‘your tits are perfect’… or what if you said those things and your spouse got pissed… and that told you never to say it again… or have you seen a couple that had that happen while you were with them… and felt the awkwardness.

I am going to be honest here, a lot of the swinging awkwardness is not because you are not good at flirting, or shy until you get to know us… it has more to do with the ability to recognize guilt -hidden or not hidden – you feel about enjoying sex with someone other than your spouse… what if you enjoy sex with someone else more than your spouse? What if you get more emotional connection from someone else other than your spouse? What if you found someone else you fell in love with? Or what if, you realized that you need more than what your spouse can give you?

People feel guilty thinking about those things. Guilt makes people do things they think are hiding the truth, but in reality, cause you to act differently and that makes people notice you aren’t the same as you were before… thereby causing them to ask you ‘what is going on?’

Just a sorta related bit on flirting… social awkwardness… and other issues too numerous to mention here… but just think about it…

One guy told me that his wife hates it when he flirts with other women. I asked him how often do you have swinger sex. He told me they have been swingers for 6 years. They have never full or soft swapped because he can’t flirt with other women because she won’t let him and the other women say they don’t want to play with someone who won’t even act like they want to fuck them. His wife flirts with everyone all the time. She has to have the attention only on her. That causes him to have forced social awkwardness. And according to him… he hall passes without her knowledge. This was via a comment that wasn’t posted on the blog from a previous topic about cheating and hall passes.

Go out there everyone and get your flirt on… remember that you, only you can make it yourself a flirt master…

Muah Sophia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging and Social Awkwardness Part 2 Flirting

Before I begin talking about flirting and the social awkwardness… I am going to discuss some feedback I received…

“Why do you hate shy people?” My answer – I don’t. If you read the post, I was shy. I decided to do something about being shy instead of hiding behind the label shy. I cannot stand when someone says “I/We are shy until you get to know us”… well, who isn’t. Being able to talk to a room full of people doesn’t mean you aren’t shy when divulging something more intimate to others on a one-on-one basis. However, in the world of swinging… WTF??? Do you really think you are that wonderful that someone is going to spend 4 hours trying to get you to talk to them about small talk and still want to spend more time with you… If you hang on to your shy label as a way to make others work harder to get in your pants, you will find most won’t. Chemistry doesn’t happen if you are SHY… you close people off… you keep them at arm’s length. And unless they have hours to kill to find out you are not really shy but just boring as shit… I would ditch the shy label and excuse and just learn how to make small talk and contribute to the conversation. You will find way more people interested in fucking you and being your friend in the lifestyle. Don’t believe me… ask all those shy folks how successful their quest for friends and sex in the lifestyle is working for them.

“Why do you think it is so easy for people to overcome shyness?” My answer – I never said it was. I said it is a process. However, if you don’t start the process by admitting you are using your shyness as a crutch and/or excuse… I was in 5th grade when it was first made mention to me… At 24 someone helped me… I am in my 40’s now… does that sound like it was ‘so easy’… however, you must actually start.

“What are the benefits of no longer being shy if you get attention for being shy?” My answer – why do you want to be on the outside of everything and not live life to the fullest – vanilla or swinger life? When you can answer that… you have the answer for your question.

On to flirting –

Flirting is an art form… but not a difficult one to master. The secret, to not try so hard to flirt. Let it come naturally.

Well, I am done. Said all I needed to say….

As if…

What I mean when I say let it come naturally… don’t sit there and tell yourself you are bad at flirting. If you tell yourself that, then you believe it. And if you tell yourself and you believe it… then you suck at flirting because you are living up to your beliefs…

You really can’t be successful if you are not able to see yourself successful.

So how do you get your flirt on?

Well, you have to be honest in what you say to the person… that is probably the most important part of flirting… And let’s just assume, as this is a swinger blog, we are flirting here with the intention of actually getting laid and in a shorter time frame than most vanilla settings… and this should be your objective, without being so obvious… so how do you flirt naturally, have an objective in flirting and not be obvious?

Well, here is how I do it… and let me preface this by saying that I flirt naturally and often without knowing that I am flirting… and I flirt with the check out person, people at the doctor’s office, at the local Target or Walmart… and when I am chatting, texting, and emailing… yes, I can flirt then too…

When I flirt, it is more in the manner of how I talk to them… and in vanilla situations it isn’t about sex… sheesh, I would be so damn creepy if I flirted in a sexy manner to complete strangers… however, my manners in which I flirt are very fun, easy going, and complimentary to them without being overly x-rated or outlandish… I make them feel good by paying them attention…

And that may be the key… you spend a few moments focused on them and making them feel good about themselves and their interaction with you. When you make them feel good about themselves and the interaction with you… they want to spend more time with you…

Some of the things that don’t go over really well is when you jump into the same old lines everyone uses or even creepier… go straight to nasty sex talk…

One chat participant on KIK decided to try his hand at flirting… He started with… I think about you in grey panties and I want to lick your entire body. I think about how I want to cover you in baby oil and rub until it is all in your skin.

Okay, that is not flirting… that is fucking creepy. Nothing about what he said was flirting. It was gross for beginning sexting. There was nothing building the other person up (me)… just grossing me out…

This is how it could have started and not been creepy…

So sweetie… what is your favorite color of panties? (This is a swinger blog and the flirting here is a bit different than store clerk flirting)…

I love pink and purple (and whatever you do when flirting… don’t fucking argue with their answers… go with their answers as a clue they are into this flirting attempt on your part.)

He then says… I love a girl in pink and purple… (Here it is important to remember, flirting is not about you and what you like… you want the girl in this case to believe that you are imagining her in pink or purple or whatever color she says panties or lingerie…)

Then she says… Can you guess what I am wearing that is pink?

He says… hmm, let me see… I can imagine you look hot in whatever it is…

And so it goes…

By this time, you will know if the person has any interest in you. Often if they don’t, they cut the flirting off… you know immediately if you are paying attention to them if they are interested in you. If you receive positive signs of them wanting to continue the flirting with you then DON’T FUCK IT UP.

Often this is where the person flirting fucks up… they go too far or too nasty too soon… the girl in this example, wants to have your attention… they want to build the chemistry with the fun flirting… they want to know the possibilities are endless (and yeah, we are going to skip the reality aspect of it now, that is not important)… but the girl wants to believe that at that moment, she is the only girl you are thinking about (get over the guilt or need to remind everyone how wonderful your spouse is, no one cares at this moment)… and then you will look at her and flirt with her some more… and then add a little touch here or there… see if she is receptive to that… and continue the flirting.

This is important and this is also where the social awkwardness with flirting comes very obvious.

In swinging… you are flirting with someone other than your spouse for the purpose of having sex. If you are not okay with this all the way in your mind, soul, and body… you are going to fuck it up. You are going to start talking to her/him about your spouse and what you guys like to do…

HOLD THE PHONE BUDDY… he/she doesn’t really care… flirting is all about bringing the warm, fuzzy feelings that you want before you fuck someone. If you don’t have those feelings… and she doesn’t have those feelings… fucking is unlikely to happen… and when you spend time talking about how wonderful your marriage is and how great sex is with your spouse and all that other stuff and then you kinda tell the other person, you want to flirt with them, but you can’t quite go the distance and you don’t know how to get over it… and that my friends is social awkwardness swinger style.

When you flirt, you must get over the fear of failure.

When you flirt, you must get over the fear of the unknown (how will he/she accept your attempts).

When you flirt, you have to stop thinking about yourself and think about the other person and how what you are saying makes them feel

When you flirt, you have to make sure you know your objective and stay within the objective… all the while being natural… you know… make it appear that you are just having the most delightful conversation and not a means to an end…

When you flirt, you have to think confidently about yourself and your skills at flirting…

When you flirt, you have to have fun flirting… that kind of flirting is contagious… It brings people closer together and find a common ground.

The ability to flirt without being awkward takes some practice… and you can practice in a very vanilla manner with a check out clerk… watch the reaction… do they look annoyed? Do they look happy? Do they start engaging you back in conversation? Do they laugh and act flirty with you?

Depending on their reaction, if you pay attention to it, you can gauge how well you are at flirting… and what you need to practice… find another swinger that you can practice flirting with… I know it sounds funny to ask someone “Can I flirt with you to get better?” that is why I am not telling you to say that… but find someone who appears open to meeting you or at least talking with you and start some flirting on him/her… without telling them… gauge what is over the line and what is happily accepted… take notes (not literally writing them down, but remember what worked) and do not use those notes as one-liners… that just adds to the social awkwardness…

As with anything in life worth doing… practice flirting… get out of your comfort zone and get comfortable with flirting… I know that sounds contradictory… but it isn’t… believe me.. read it again and you will see… your comfort zone right now is to say you aren’t good at flirting… because if you fail, you will just say… see, I knew it… when in fact, you should have been saying… I am a flirting master…

And let’s remember… I was a very shy girl in 5th grade, at 24 and decided to do something about it… and it turned me into a girl who loves to flirt…

Get over your social swinging awkwardness… I did, you can too!

Muah Sophia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Get Your Swing On Part 4

I received a comment yesterday that the poster did not want the comment posted, the comment asked me where I get off thinking I have all the answers when it comes to swinging?

Well, dang it all… didn’t the poster know that I have been granted the gift of providing swinger education?

Obviously, I am joking about the gift of providing swinger education… however, I do believe that I am able to see what happens around me, form an opinion of whether I like what I see happen around me, and well, voice that opinion. I have had people tell me I don’t shit… some tell me I bring a unique perspective, and some tell me that my ramblings have brought some clarification to something they struggled with…

Here is the truth of the matter… I have an opinion and I share it… if someone doesn’t like it… there are a few things I can say about that… remember I have an opinion and I share it… first – if something annoys you or makes you mad about what I wrote, consider if it is because it strikes a cord you are not ready to have struck… and more importantly, if you are upset by what I write, don’t read the email.

But let’s look at the comment a bit deeper… why is it wrong for a person to share what works for them and does not work for them?

If I am telling others that you and your spouse hanging over each other does nothing to build sexual chemistry between you and your potential swing partner, how is that wrong?

So many couples and singles talk about how there must be a four way connection, yet they spend all their time cuddling and flirting with their own spouse and leaves the other couple hanging out there wondering why they were invited… doesn’t that scream out ‘something is wrong’?

Yes, yes it does… very wrong. Do you not know or understand why that is wrong???

I recently asked a guy I have met once and talk to often, like many times in a week… if he thinks of having sex with me? He states that it crosses his mind, but he really likes our friendship and wouldn’t want to have sex with me if it meant ruining the friendship.

I get that… and I don’t get that… I mean, if the friendship is real, won’t it be a bit more fun with the sexual component… but that is a topic for another post… let’s stick with the point that you may have missed… I had to ask him if he ever thinks of having sex with me…

If a person, in this case me a girl, has no idea if you think of me in any way in regards to having sex… and she has to ask… isn’t that a sign that something is really, really going wrong…

Yet, how many times do you and your spouse go to a couples date and wonder, “Do they want to have sex with me?”

If you are asking this question, the couple you are with does not know how to get their swing on…

And if the couples you are with are asking them the same thing… ‘Do they want to have sex with us?’ You are doing something very, very wrong… and this isn’t me telling you this… well, not just me… it is the less than spectacular adventures you have had with others when naked…

How to get your swing on makes sense only when you are willing to open up the manner in which you welcome others into your marriage and your bed.

And you have to recognize that you are inviting others into a part of your marriage and your bed (or hotel bed) and just how exactly you do that is how to get your swing on… if you embrace it as a fun, exciting, flirty, and sexy manner with your potential partners, you will have a great time swinging.

If you are fearful, jealous, nervous, shy, closed up, and focused on yourself and/or your spouse exclusively, you miss out on the opportunity to fully enjoy what others have to offer you.

Think of it this way… you are invited to a holiday get-together in your neighborhood… the organizer of the get together is a warm, caring, loving person who enjoys having everyone present and makes each one who comes to the get-together feel welcome and special… that feeling catches on and others feel an overwhelming need to make everyone feel welcome… and the entire group feels a great deal of warm fuzzy feelings… This host really knows how to get a get-together on…

Or there is a host who has a need for having all attention on her and she has a few friends who suck up to her… and they are one of those cliques that are absolutely no fun to be around… no one wanted to come to the holiday get-together, and you can tell. Everyone is in small groups, talking only between themselves and leaving others feeling out of place… this host really DOES NOT know how to get a get-together on…

Which host are you when you think about a couples date?

I will leave it at that… that way, you decide how to get your swing on and I am not telling you what to do like the swinger know-it-all I am accused of being… Muah, I really don’t mind the comment… I like to think about it like this… I struck a cord… just hope I don’t swing with them if they can’t see they need to have a bit more sexy fun on a couples date… MUAH!

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure more than Abby (the poster) is…

Sophia

How To Get Your Swing On Part 3

After you have ‘the talk’ with your spouse discussing all the factors you want to include in your date to get your swing on… you have to figure out how to put it into effect…

As with everything else, the first time is a bit ‘scary’, but after that… it is easy peasy… it becomes easy, but not ‘old hat’… as the sexual desire that comes from flirting, touching and kissing this person you want to fuck is always a great source of a ‘sexual high’… keeps it fun and exciting no matter how many times you experience it…

And isn’t that why we want to swing… have sex with strangers… to feel that sexual high of fucking someone new…

The first step I would take (and do)… is to tell them this is what you like… It could look like this… “I like it when we meet for the first time to focus on you and you on me… Let our spouses focus on each other as well. You know, flirt with each other, light touches, maybe even some kissing… and certainly want you to hug me as a part of the greeting when we first meet.. you can feel for yourself if I am excited to meet you.”

Okay, I never said I was subtle… sometimes, subtle doesn’t really work. Stating what you want is a good thing… In that statement above, I am telling my potential partner… I want you to want me…show me you want me. Tell me you want me. I will make sure you know I want you too.

I am going to be honest here… I am done with shy people. If I hear them go on and say “I am not sure I can do that, I am shy” I tell them, then we can’t meet. And I am serious. If you know ahead of time I want to meet you and I try not to meet people who I don’t want to fuck on couples dates (I find it a waste of time and money if I don’t want to fuck you to meet you, I will suggest then meeting at an event or party instead, more options if in fact after meeting you I don’t want to fuck you, just being honest here)…. so if we are planning on meeting on a couple date it means I want to fuck you unless you mess it up so bad that you turn me off… (it has happened)… so what do you have to be shy about… by the time we arrange a couples date we have communicated a bunch of times and you shared a bit of what you like and I have too… so what do you have to be shy about – we already said hello the first time – we have already shared sex preferences and desires – we already agreed to meet – where exactly is the shyness in those steps? So now we are going to meet in person – you with the knowledge that I want to fuck you and now you feel shy? WHY?

So put on your big boy pants – or if you must your superhero underoos so you can feel big, brave, and strong and let me know you want me on the date… That your focus is on me to woo me and make me wet with anticipation… and to do that is to flirt, touch, kiss, and otherwise wooing the shit out of a girl…

You can’t do that if you are stuck to your wife and only looking at her and talking to her…

And you know what… most of the couples, there is one who loves to communicate and one who is not so much into it…

That leaves the excitement a bit lopsided… if couples want to date another couple, they both have to put forth effort in the communication to build the desire to fuck strange.

I am a big communicator… hubby is not. When he makes an effort to communicate with the wife, he often gets back from the wife – she’s really not into texting… he will ask her if she wants to email or maybe a phone call, and receives the answer NOPE.

Then suddenly at the date, she wants him wanting her… and this is something that is a bit hard for people to understand… you already rejected him and his efforts to communicate with you… and well… I understand this from both sides of the coin… I have seen this happen with my hubby often… and I have had a couple of male halves of the couple who won’t communicate with me but she will with my hubby.

Let’s be clear here… it is not jealousy… I am not jealous hubby is getting communication from the wife who wants him. I couldn’t be happier… but if the guy won’t communicate with me, it ain’t going to happen, at all.

I am lucky, my work schedule offers me the freedom to communicate without a boss or coworker seeing over my shoulder… I am my own boss… I work from home and on the road… I am excited to be able to communicate with friends and lovers whenever they are free… I have a few rules… I rarely initiate the contact… I have one female friend I will. She lives in the PT zone and I will text her and put the phone down and when she sees it and has time she will respond. No pressure, no expectations…

I am that way with the people I communicate with for any reason – whether sexy texts or planning on meeting… I will work around your schedule and be considerate of your time… If you simply text me once a day to say hi and check in because that is all you want to do… that is fine… Let’s be honest… it’s not that exciting or fucking hot… but it is telling me that you want to make that effort of keeping in touch and more importantly, that I am worth the time you are taking… and that my friends is fucking exciting… to know that you are doing something outside your norm or even your comfort zone to keep in contact with me so I want you when we meet…

See, it is not jealousy… it is he doesn’t communicate with me at all, there is nothing for me to go on, no want, no desire, no chemistry… and despite what you think… it does nothing to build “MYSTERY”… it’s a fucking blind date you obviously are not that thrilled to be a part of since you can’t even say hi…

When you want to couple date another couple, you really have to make an effort to date the couple… pretty damn simple and sadly, rarely done.

Ask yourself, when you were dating your spouse… did you communicate before the first date? Did you communicate about yourselves so they can get to know you? Did you flirt? I mean honestly flirt with them so they knew beyond a shadow of a doubt you liked him/her?

Then why not do that for someone you want to fuck? I mean, if you want the fucking to be good, shouldn’t there be some chemistry built? Some need, want, desire and other tingly feelings to bring the fun into the bedroom or playroom or wherever you are getting it on???

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…
Sophia

 

The A-ha Moment… Of Swinging….

The last two posts have been an honest expression of what is freaking annoying to some and completely clueless to others… but very necessary to acknowledge… and that is the realization that some people want to or need to have someone want them to get down and dirty…

I found out through chat, text, and personal conversation that there have been a number of A-ha moments… 
That moment when you finally got the message… 
Or the moment you realized that what you felt and needed is finally put into words… 
Or the missing element identified that makes this swinging thing move from an okay idea to an exciting adventure.. 
Make no mistake there buddy… I am not making fun of you…. 
I know about that moment when I finally got the message…. 
Or the moment I realized what I felt and needed was finally put into words… 
Or the missing element identified that made swinging move from an okay idea to an exciting adventure… 
I had all those epiphanies… and I share with you all my epiphanies… sometimes as they are still unfolding.. 
When I am looking at an issue, experience, thought, and whatever it may be… and searching for some understanding, some clarity… some commonality… 
Yep… those are real learning experiences… teachable moments… and I am meaning for me too… 
Someone said to me ‘have you ever considered that you writing so much ‘honest’ stuff about swinging is turning people off?’ 
“That maybe no one will want to swing with you because you mention ‘stupid’ things they do.” 
Well, here is a bit of a thought I had at that moment… 
Since this is an ecard… I am thinking I am not the only one who has has this thought….
So I explained very nicely that you know what… if you are going to be a drama queen or king… a drunk swinger who can’t get it up… or a pillow princess… or just out and out odd, stupid, rude, selfish, etc… and you are swinging or hoping to swing with me and you know I have a blog because you have read what I wrote… 
Please see the image above… you really need to look and read that image above…
I reviewed my blog and asked three different people what the tone of my blog is overall…. Here are the three words used SEXY, FUNNY, HONEST.
I asked how is it sexy. Obvious question – but I followed up as in is it sexy in every post or are you just remembering the really sexy ones… 
The answer – your blog is sexy because of the sexy bits you write but also the overall theme of the blog is how to have a sexually social adventure if you pay attention and stop cock blocking yourself. (this was said by a guy, but I am sure many women are pussy blocking themselves too). 
The next question was how is it funny – She said, well, you have covered every stupid example I have run across and many I haven’t and don’t want. You bring a sense of humor even in the posts you wrote about being depressed. You show people in the most obvious and funny ways how stupid they are and how obvious it is to everyone how stupid they are being. And then you are just funny. Some of the stuff you write cracks me up. 
Bet you can guess the last question is how is it honest – He said with the input of his wife – how can you not say it is anything but honest. I mean come on, you talk about shit and butt sex, you talk about rude people and you talk about how you were hurt so bad that you were seriously depressed. You talk about any subject about swinging and you hold nothing back. Swinging isn’t as fun as some people think it is when you have to deal with some of these people. Those who only have happy stories are either very lucky or they are liars. No one has the most perfect partners each time. I can’t tell you how many limp dicks I have run across and wondered why are you swinging. You mention that. And you know what, that story about the guy who read your blog and then asked you not to mention him in the blog and yet acted crazy, damn right I would have posted about him. WHO DOES THAT SHIT! 
I asked, what can I do differently on the blog? 
The answer…. post more pictures. 
Of what I ask? 
Of what is on your profiles. (they have access to the site profiles and all our pics. 
Well here you go… a pic for you.. or two… sorta nice and rather naughty… 

Some one said that they didn’t really understand why I don’t talk about our rules. I told them that I believe most swingers are more interested in telling you how you have to act than to instigate a positive reaction from you… 
I would rather you want me so bad…. than to tell you if you do this and this and this and this you are bad and not worthy of me… 
Difference of opinion… a big one… 
We have one rule.. we both have to agree….  and hubby and I both violated it this past weekend… I was not in agreement with the first date… he was not honoring my wishes… and well, 
It was an ugly weekend… no blows happened… but I did what he wanted because he wanted it and he asked me for what he wanted and knew I did not want… and well… it was not our favorite weekend ever…. 
So, are you saying Sophia that you should ignore your rules? 
Nope, but you really have to know the difference between rules and preferences. 
We have one rule, we both have to agree… we have a lot of preferences… we don’t tell all our prospective swing partners all of our preferences… if they don’t fit into our preferences then why tell them that they do not match up… just say no, walk away, say maybe another time… let them down without devastating them… 
Do you really need to write on your preference of not wanting to have sex with a bald man? Can you be an adult and pass on any man who has bald hair without making it seem like he is less than a human being… or a woman who has tits too big or too small… move on… flirt with them if you want, but it doesn’t mean that you have to have sex with them or devastate them… Do you need to spend a two hour dinner talking about your rules?????? Can anyone tell me how this has helped you get laid????? and had fun doing it?
You need to know the difference between first dates and clinical conversations. Please people, learn this one… a first date should be fun and sexy… there should be flirting and hard cocks pushing against zippers and wet panties and hard nipples and the chemistry should be deep and flowing… and the need to touch and kiss and all that good stuff causing you about to explode…. well so many say that they have to let the other person know what they like in regards to sex and what they do not…. 
Have you every considered sitting next to your prospective date (and yes, consider them a date) and whisper what you want, what you think of him or her, of what you are thinking about… if you love to have your hair pulled – remember I DO NOT! then tell him how much you love to be fucked from behind and have his fingers wrapped in your hair, pulling it as he thrust hard into you… or maybe you tell him that you love having his hands wrapped in your hair as you suck his hard cock… taking him in your mouth… slurping his cock… sucking him dry… (you see what I did there… you want him to fuck you – a big one there – you are telling him you want him… you want him to fuck you hard, from behind, pull your hair and if he happens to shove that cock in your mouth… you will gladly swallow him till he is dry….) you can tell him your rules without listing your fucking rules while building his desire for you and you building your desire for him….. THIS IS EASY FOLKS… REALLY IT IS!

You need to know the difference between wanting someone and tolerating their presence… How many times have you sat on one side of the table with your spouse as they sat on the other and no none acted like they want to be there… and heavens forbid if one person (usually me) flirted with one or both of them… damn you would have thought I was sitting there waiting to be accepted as a Nun rather than on a swinger date with other swingers….

You need to know how to flirt, how to build desire, how to think of someone other than yourself… you need to know that in order to have that really good, wet, hard, wonderful, can’t stop thinking of this 
If you do not know how to do this… GOOGLE IT… do something… but by all that is good in this world, do something… 
And seriously… I had 5 people (men on behalf of their women and women themselves) tell me that I was very accurate… some very first dates are more clinical than a gyno exam… and we are not talking about one of those exams with the sexy gyno doctor… but the one where he looks like your grandpa or a grandma… and they have seen so many pussies that nothing is exciting to them… 
One said, seriously thought she was having one when playing one time… He barely said anything to her… they decided to play anyways… he stuck two fingers in her pussy and wiggled them and pulled them out… Stuck his cock in her kinda like the tool for a pap smear… and then he was done…she swears to God that he patted her on the leg…. 
If you could see me right now, you would see me shaking my head…. 
We are supposed to be swingers… we are supposed to like to have sex with strangers… how is this getting done if we cannot connect with people… make them want us because we want them….
Well, I hope you are flirting up a storm folks… we need to bring sexy flirting back to swinging… 
Sophia

Hmmm….

Hubby was not happy with my post yesterday. He took it wrong. He thought I was being mean to him. I am assuming it was part where I spoke of – if he wants to have a date with someone who has done nothing to build a connection with me… that he can… and the rest of that….

I was seriously not being mean about that… he doesn’t have to play with the same people at the same time as me… we have hall passes… I am secure in the adventure… I know that I need someone to at least act like they want me… I am not talking months of courting… I am talking about having someone who acts in words and behaviors that they are interested in me… that they want to get to know me and they want have sex with me… otherwise… what are we doing? I do not need to sit on a first date going over all the generic crap without anyone making any flirty, naughty, or otherwise “I WANT YOU VIBE” getting going…

When I am at a party and someone looks at me and makes a move to talk to me, I am thrilled to pieces… ‘that starts the connection’….. I am not talking about the courtship connection some people want… but the I WANT YOU TO WANT ME CONNECTION.

I think that is where so many swingers go wrong… they don’t understand what a big deal that is to get what you want… and if you want to have sex with other swingers you have to connect with them on the level of “I WANT YOU”.

Even if you choose a better way of saying it that will guarantee you some success, you have to let them know you are interested in more than just swapping swinging rules and stories… that you want to take this further even if you have to wait a few days, weeks, months to do so…. there is a need built upon…

The fact my husband failed to see the problem before hand… and took it as an attack on him… it wasn’t an attack… it was an explanation of why so many people do not have fun in the lifestyle as a swinger.. they are unwilling to let others know they want them. They think that meeting at a restaurant or bar or party or hotel takeover is enough to express they want you…

We all know that isn’t true as many people will date just to have something to do… or date just to reject others… yes, I am serious… that so happens… they want to be the one who rejects rather than being rejected…

Others date to share their experiences as in stories and go over their rules… nothing to build any excitement….

I don’t want to hear what you are doing with others… I want to hear what you want to do with me… talk to me about me and I will talk to you about you….

On chat today while writing this post I asked a question, on a scale of 1-3 with one the lowest and 3 the highest, how effective are you at letting others know you want them no matter how you define want them…

The answers quickly went to rules, expectations, and other technical aspects. I am sorry, you sharing your rules does not make me want you. You telling me what you did with others does not make me want you….

I went on a slight soapbox dissertation about this topic….. I explained that if you cannot make me want you, you cannot have me…

I explained it like I had yesterday on the post and today….

If you cannot tell me in words or behaviors you want me… you will never have me…

If I want emotionless sex… I can hire a prostitute or escort.

I want to be wanted… I want to want you…

The art of seduction…

Do you remember before you were married when you were dating and you flirted with others and let them know you were interested in them….

You are swingers… go ahead and take a chance and let them know you want them… if your spouse is not okay with it.. then why are you swinging?

I am serious. Why are you swinging if you cannot flirt with me and let me know you want me… why can’t you and your spouse make nice with the other couple to let everyone know you want to know them better and you know… get down and dirty with them….

Well, the chat room has perked up and I am hoping I have left a good idea in their minds to go out and flirt with others when you are in swinging situations… to me it makes the most sense…

And if you read yesterday’s post and got upset thinking it was mean or I was pointing you out as a bad guy… well, I am not… I am simply explaining something that is so very simple but we tend to make it so complicated for no other reason than we want to..

Yep, the majority want to cock and pussy block themselves… how do I know? Because I see it all the time… it is so sad too!

Hope you aren’t cock and pussy blocking yourself!

Sophia

I Want You To Want Me…. Pretty Simple Huh?

I want you to want me… pretty simple huh?

Not really.

I am surprised how many swingers do not get this. A few days ago on chat someone jumped on and was whining because his wife had surgery a few days prior (got a boob job) and he has been without sex for 8 days. I knew what he was doing… fishing for sympathy and to get someone to chat with him until he got off…

Well, I don’t feel sorry for him because it was 8 days without sex. His wife voluntarily had her breasts enlarged. She voluntarily had surgery. It wasn’t like she had cancer, severely broken bones, was in an accident and had internal bleeding or anything else. She planned to have surgery and I am guessing you agreed to it… so here you are whining because she is still in pain and cannot have sex.

BIG FUCKING DEAL!

I am not interested in this guy, just ‘spoke’ to him for the first time that night… there was no connection between us. There was nothing but a one-sided need to get off… anyone would do.. there was nothing that made me special in his eyes.

On this blog…. I wrote about no more first dates. I wrote about chase. I wrote about chase and capture. I wrote about the pitfalls of no chase.

I am a girl who likes to be wanted. My personality is made up in such as way that I enjoy being wanted. But my personality also is one that likes to have someone that wants me – want me for me. Not just what I can do for them.

Complex? Not really.

Everyone is like that.

The problem is not everyone understands the entire give and take concept in life…

If you give… you should have something you can take with you….

Why? Because the person appreciates what you gave and feels a desire to give back to you…

It is not keeping score….

It is giving freely because someone gave to you first…

However, people are inherently selfish….

Like the chat guy… everyone was getting tired of him whining about his lack of sex….

You know what buddy… you have a computer (you were on it when whining) go look up some porn, grab your dick by your hand and jack off…

You gave nothing to anyone worth anything… you got nothing in return…

How do I know this is true? Because when no one bothered to take him up on the whining/no sex conversation after the initial… “WOW, hope Mrs is healing nicely, not in a lot of pain, and other words of sympathy” he jumped off… I am assuming just as horny as when he got on since he didn’t get off…

You know I love to spin a tale of sexy words to others… but I am not an erotica generator… my specialty is not free… you have to give if you want to receive (more than once)…. usually it is a mutually satisfying exchange… at least that is what I am told…. but if you think that you can contact me however you want and I am going to spin a tale… well you have to avoid the following:

  • whining
  • asking me what am I wearing
  • start of with BDSM and assuming I am a sub
  • don’t act desperate… not attractive on anyone
What can you do? 
  • take interest in me – like I am a person – like what I will do for you…. 

I HATE first dates. If there has been no interest in getting to know me at least a little bit before the first date….. the first date sucks. Similar to the whole horny whiner on chat….

Why… because I want you to want me….

Pretty simple.

I want to want you….

I would not be on the date (in theory) if I didn’t WANT TO WANT YOU….. I am looking for reasons to want you from the moment of our first contact – even if it is a perv on a profile…. I am one of those few swingers that look for reasons to want you… to fuck you… to befriend you… rather than find a reason to NOT WANT YOU….

So why aren’t you doing something to make me want you?

How does that happen if you have shared nothing with me….

I am not talking about the dirty details of your skeletons in your closet…

I am not talking about the millions of rules you have for your swinging adventure…

I am talking about feeling a spark of interest…

I am talking about feeling a bit of desire to know more…

I am talking about flirting with me…..

I am talking about having the balls to go ahead and make it known in front of your wife and my husband you want to get to know me….

kiss me…

touch me….

feel me next to you….

and that you want to fuck me….

I want you to want me….

Why is this so hard?

What makes a swinger make the entire first date so clinical?

What makes swingers think that there will be instant chemistry when we meet when there is nothing whatsoever between us…

Not a bit of connection…

And no one wants to do anything to build the connection.

And one person needs the connection.

And one person doesn’t get the connection and sits there wondering – while appearing to be having a good time – just what do they think will happen…. I am not going to fuck you ever. NO chance in hell. You have not expressed a desire to fuck me. Yet you keep going on about your rules, experiences, and all the other talk about swinging… we aren’t swinging… there is no reason to swing.

Now, these people often are very fun to be around. Very interesting. Very cool.

Just no connection.

It is like there is an opportunity to make a good first impression and you passed it up. Nothing you do at the time of the first date will increase the connection that was passed.

Well at least for me…

I know I am not alone…

How do I know this? Because a lot of people have shared this same sentiment.

I am not saying you have to spend hours each day texting me. I am not saying you have to email me constantly or call me… or anything like that…

But you must make me feel like you want me.

And you must make me want you.

There is the old give and take…..

How do you do this?

I am sorry, but I am not going to give you all a bunch of individual steps on how to do this as many will take it literally and think this is the only way….

But take a look at the profile.

Take a look at the pictures.

Take an interest in the person whose pants you want to get into…

Try to communicate with them.

Make an effort.

You will find that if you make an effort to show interest in someone they will respond.

It may not be what you want… but it is a response.

Take a moment and look at those moves/words that worked and those that did not work. Analyze why they worked. And didn’t work.

But you know what… you really should take the time to build a connection.

                                              

“I want you to want me”

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me
I’m begging you to beg me
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me

I’ll shine up the old brown shoes
Put on a brand new shirt
I’ll get home early from work 
If you say that you love me

Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?
Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?
Feeling all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying 
Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me
I’m begging you to beg me

I’ll shine up the old brown shoes
Put on a brand-new shirt
I’ll get home early from work 
If you say that you love me

Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?
Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?
Feeling all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?

Feelin’ all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me
I’m begging you to beg me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me


The only first dates I will go on anymore are ones where there was a CHASE that happened prior to the meet. I will only go on a first date if I have to meet them… I have to talk to them in person. I have to kiss them. I have to touch them. I have to fuck them.

I have to get hubby to understand this.

If you want me to be your wing man step up to the game yourself. I have done all kinds of things as your wing man, putting  your needs first, your personality quirks before mine…. I need a wing man who understands my need for a connection and encourages the connection.

If there is no connection, there will be no first date.

If there is no connection with me and hubby wants a first date… go solo my friend… I am so okay with that you have no idea. I will not get jealous, feel bad, or hate you for it… Erotic Pride and all that…

I do not need to be tethered to you… I do not need same bed, same room, or at the same time…

I do need a connection… a want… a desire… with me to him/her and him/her with me….

If you want the play time with the couple, you want to meet them… you want to do whatever without the connection I need… go for it..

We have hall passes for a reason.

I cannot do anymore first dates without a connection before hand.

They are about as clinical as a gyno exam. Except I don’t get a pat on the outer thigh to tell me to close my legs…. those pats telling you to go ahead and close your legs are so reassuring… LOL

I believe you may have success at this hubby… if they do not want to get to know me before we meet… and are only communicating with you… it may not matter if I am around… maybe they want to have a second man… DP is always fun… being fucked while sucking a cock is also fun…. go for it…

It isn’t like I am gonna want the guy or the girl… kinda need that connection…

I kinda need you to want me….

The nice thing about our sexually social adventure… it is always changing and adapting as we learn more about what we want, need, will put up with….

Hope you are figuring your sexually social adventure out!

Sophia

A Conversation Started – An Need to Satisfy – Part Three

OMG! I have several drafts of this post in various stages of done-ness and I cannot finish them because I get side tracked by other points in regards to this…. So I stopped for a bit and took a shower…. and well, the shower is one place that I can come up with a lot of thoughts and work them out in an order… while washing/conditioning my hair…. while taking care of some urges as well as cleaning all my bits and pieces… in other words… yes, I got off in the shower today… and here is why… I thought of the perfect way to explain or at least start the explanation of NEED…. 

Here it is…. my attempt to explain by use of song… and not just any song… but the most perfect song…. 

 “I Want You To Want Me”

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me
I’m begging you to beg me
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me

I’ll shine up the old brown shoes

Put on a brand new shirt

I’ll get home early from work 

If you say that you love me

Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?

Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?

Feeling all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying 

Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?

I want you to want me

I need you to need me

I’d love you to love me

I’m begging you to beg me

I’ll shine up the old brown shoes

Put on a brand-new shirt

I’ll get home early from work 

If you say that you love me

Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?

Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?

Feeling all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying

Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?

Feelin’ all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying

Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?

I want you to want me

I need you to need me

I’d love you to love me

I’m begging you to beg me

I want you to want me

I want you to want me

I want you to want me

I want you to want me



Thank you Cheap Trick!…. the most perfect song to explain the need…. why that song came to mind in the shower… I won’t tell, but it was a damn good process… it didn’t follow a straight line… it wrapped itself around many different paths… to lead to this one thought that lead to him and then to another him and then to another him to this one night when this song played…. Fuck yeah… it is a great memory that followed a great path… OH FUCK YEAH!

So anyways… let’s break this down to a very simple manner of understanding… 

I want you to want me – Who doesn’t want this…. I am seriously asking you this…who doesn’t want to be wanted by someone…. this is so critical to a fun and sexy time naked… wanting and being wanted…. seriously… this is so fundamental it isn’t funny… and yet, so many people fail to see how important this is… if you don’t want me… I don’t want you… and the sex is phoned in… and everyone knows it… Want him/her and they will want you… 

I need you to need me – When someone wants you, it builds in you a need that only they can fulfill. The need to touch them constantly. The need to kiss them. The need to think about them – well hell, that happens automatically. When you need someone so bad, you think about them all the time and the need they put inside you. The need only they can resolve… when in your presence, they are letting you know that need is there too… everyone can see it… everyone can feel it… it grows and grows between you… and everyone wants it too… but here is where it gets crazy.. they want it and yet they do nothing to build that with the people they are with… I am avoiding discussing right now what happens when this situation occurs… I will go back to it… but the need to be with that person is so great that everyone wants to have some of that… 

I’d love you to love me – Now, this is the one that gets people really worked up… yes, you can love more than one person at a time and differently and it doesn’t mean it replaces your spouse. For those of you who get this… good for you… join the select few club… it is a lot of fun… to those who freak out about this and go all insecure and jealous… feeling quite sorry for you… you are really missing out… a big heart that offers a lot of love to others receives even more love… and I am not sure what is so damn bad about loving others… if you need some clarification on this topic go see the following links:

I’m begging you to beg me – Can this be the best position to be in? Not the desperate actions of a person who is being rejected… but the position one finds happening with that person you need and want and wants and needs you too… that you feel all kinds of good stuff for to the point that you are begging them to kiss you… begging them to touch you… begging them to slide in or whatever it is that you are needing them to do that will satisfy that need… and they are begging you to do the same… 


Well, gonna stop here today… got more to say on this topic another time… 

Hope you are experiencing the want, need, love, and begging that comes with some mighty good sexually social adventures… if not… you may want to change some things up… 

Sophia

Not Sure What This Is About

Writing a blog post today, kinda late in the evening because I am purposely causing myself writer’s block. I want to write about something that is still pissing me off and I have to wait… till I am not so pissed…

I thought of something.. some of the oddest ‘come ons’ via email and IM that I have heard…

I don’t mean to be mean… but damn, we seriously need to up our game here… some of this stuff is too lame for it to ever work… while you get points for being willing to put yourself out there.. take a minute and think… “hmmm, how well will this be received”….

I love (not really) the come ons that are exclaiming that he can fuck me like I have never been fucked before…

Kills me.. because umm, how do you know what my fucking experience has been? And how are you going to make brownie points as in get into my pants if you insult my husband… like he doesn’t know how to fuck…

But maybe that is what you think… that we are on this adventure because he can’t fuck me good enough…. interesting…

Or they tell you that you really need to see their package as they are well equipped… yet have not one picture on their profile of their face, body or package….

Or they send an email telling your husband ‘she has a nice ass I’d like to tap’… are you asking hubby for permission or hoping I won’t mind being treated like property…

Then there are the ones that will give their entire statistics in the email like a classified ad for a house or car…. if I am interested in you… you know what, I will read your profile and look over your statistics…

Many will tell me what they do best… they can do oral for hours… well, I am going to be honest.. I love oral, but I do not want to have oral done to me for hours… I want to be a bit more interactive and I do so love to be fucked…. and besides that my pussy likes to be fucked before it is either overly sensitive or put to sleep from hours of just laying there… did I mention I am an active participant here…

So what is the solution?

Don’t try to pick us up…..

Seems pretty simple to me…

We are sexually social… we are already interested in fucking strange… talk to us… interest us… be real… don’t present yourself as a cock or pussy for hire…

Be real.. talk to us.. tell what you like to do… what you find interesting about us… and then sit back when you realize that you opened up the communication pathways… and for many women… who if we are honest… want men and women to value them and find them sexy… for the mind and body… will be more receptive to your inquiries…

But word of warning here… you need to also keep up the real communication efforts… I cannot tell you how many times we and I mean I was interested in someone who appeared to understand how to communicate to suddenly say something as stupid as ‘so bitch, you want to suck my cock’…

Yeah, that happens and then the apology that comes is a just not going to work… you turned off the woman you had turned on…

I guess you can say… “If in doubt, throw the cookie cutter out”… as in not all women respond in the same way.. so instead of trying the sad lines on them all…. be yourself… and I am sure you are not really a sleezy man… try something original…

Be yourself….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

Your Adventure Your Way…. The Unofficial Dating Guide to Lifestyle Dating…


Welcome to Your Adventure Your Way… The unofficial Dating Guide to Lifestyle Dating…. 

As if there is one…. and believe me there isn’t… was just being quite tongue in cheek… maybe sarcastic… maybe eternally hopeful… 

I really must say that I am not a girl that does things just like everyone else… now I may look like a girl next door and do not stand out in any obvious manner… and if you have seen some of my pics on here or on the sites I belong too… (SLS and Kasidie) well, you will see that I do look rather typical… but that doesn’t mean I am… Tell me what to do and I won’t do it… ask me nicely… well at one time I loved the saying while working with staff in group homes I see things in black and white… convince me of the grey areas… (this was way before 50 shades of grey – and I have never read more than a sample on my kindle and did not like it – so totally unrelated but what the hey)… Give me an idea and I can think of all sides of the situation… and well, that is what I am doing today in this blog post… I am looking at the idea of dating folks… and that is an interesting topic if you think about it… and I have…  a lot…. and well here I am…  

When we first started this adventure and began learning some of the terms of the LIFESTYLE… I heard of ‘dates’, ‘couple dates’, ‘lifestyle dating’ and similar terms and well I have to admit to my naivete. I mean I thought if you were interested in a couple, your husband the other wife and you the other husband that you focused on getting to know that person… So I thought when we went on a ‘date’… I would focus on the man I wanted and hubby would focus on the woman… and if there was a interest in bi play between us girls…then the flirting would also happen between us…. 

I really saw it as a date like I had dates before we (hubby and I) got married… Laughing, flirting, talking, kissing, holding hands, being close… you know all those things that make it so easy peasy to build chemistry with the other person of the couple… 

Now, I can see this go a number of ways… let’s say you are into puppy piles and all four of you have to ‘get to know each other’… well then musical chairs can happen… while at dinner or drinks… And before your BI-GUY freak out happens… I am not talking the guys making out… (not that I am opposed to that… but it seems so many are… and giving you a different idea to think of….) I am talking about it being a lot of fun swapping chairs and flirting and most of that between guy/girl or girl/girl…. but everyone being on the same page with the flirting and dating because well… we are going to have sex with the other person… (just hold that thought… I will address that a bit later….)

Then there is the no puppy pile… both girls are playing straight but the guy/girl goodies are gonna happen… (whether same room or separate rooms you swap partners and that is it)…and you do just what I said above… you know where you are ‘dating’ the person as in wanting to date him or her well enough to get fucked….. in a good way… 

See, that is what I thought the purpose of the dates were… to get to know him or her, find an attraction, build chemistry to fuck them… 

But you see, this is where things start to get fuzzy to me… I am going to relate MY experiences… and please if your experiences are not the same as ours… do not think I am saying this is how it goes… it isn’t what I am saying at all… I am saying in my adventure, this is what I have encountered… I live in a location that is not a swinger capital… we are in a unique location and that is all I am going to say about our demographics…. Your demographics may provide different stories to tell and you know what.. that is good… the variety proves points I have made before… there is no one way to swing and you have to make this adventure your own.

Fuzzy… because I don’t get the typical dating scenario in the LS… The first date is a get to know you and see if there is any interest…. OKAY!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! is that about… 

You looked at the profile and pictures… Even if you didn’t read the profile word for word for 5 hours straight and memorized it both forwards and backwards…. you still saw enough on it that caught you attention… then if there are pictures….well something there struck your interest… Something there make you stop and take notice… and if you approached the person via email, flirt, friend request, forum or chat flirting… you made your interest known… 

So there you have it… step one of dating in the lifestyle… having an interest and followed immediately by step two… making that interest known…. 

So what is it with the Spanish Inquisition….you know what I am talking about…. the first date where you sit there at the table and you and your spouse are on one side… they are on the other side… and no one really talks… Now, I am a talker… I know hold back your surprise… I am a talker and I have the ability to start conversations… but sometimes these conversations others start and participate in are difficult as shit…. they won’t answer… they demand this time to get to know each other and then nothing is said…. other than playing 20 questions….. Do you smoke? No, do you? (damn it…this shit is on the profile…why are we asking now?) Then it is the awkward part where they begin to go over their rules… Again, this should be discussed pre-meet… and then we discuss other topics because like work, kids, length of time in their marriage and lifestyle… then they tell you horror stories of the lifestyle and then…. 

CRICKETS… 

Until they want to talk about playing but they don’t want to actually talk about playing… they wait and wait and wait… and finally you are thinking I have no interest in fucking them… they bored me out of interest… they waited too long… and here is the worst part… 

They finally ask “Do you wanna go play?….. and you are like… this was as sexy as a gyno or prostate exam….(equal opportunity groaning there I am sure… unless that is the most excitement you have had in a while….YIKES) Where is the build up? Where is the sexual chemistry? Where is the SEXY?????? 

Here is what I propose…. 

Approach a date with another couple or single as if you were actually dating them… Find out the ‘details’ before you meet and then WOW them… make them want you and encourage them to want you by wanting them…. So funny how that works…. you build interest and interest is built… and then when it gets to the point of saying “you wanna?” there is no need… You will have already been told by the wait staff or manager “Get a room!” 

I love a guy who will hug and kiss me with a greeting… and we aren’t talking how you hug and kiss grandma… 

I love a guy who will touch me… here, there, everywhere… a little kiss on my neck… playing with my hair… moving closer to me… hand on thigh… kissing me on the mouth… hand moving up my thigh because I always wear a dress…. my legs spread… and you know a secret little finger fucking… yeah… build that excitement… 

I think it would make getting to the next stage even easier… you know where you actually have a sexually social adventure… 

I like to think that if I agreed to meet with someone, there was enough interest to move forward to the playing stage before we even met… and the meeting was a seal the deal move not a still wondering if I should…. 

Anyways, that is just me… 

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure… 

Sophia