Category Archives: friends

Friendships in the Lifestyle, Do They Really Last?

Okay folks, got a direct message on twitter asking me if friendships in the lifestyle really last.

Yes.

That is my answer. Yes. Yes, they do last in the lifestyle.

Not a very exciting blog post… so let me do what I do best… add lots and lots of words.

Yes, friendships do last in the lifestyle. And no, they don’t last in the lifestyle. Just like in real life outside of swinging… friendships come in all shapes and sizes and believe it or not… some last and some do not.

I have had a friendship (yes, I have met this person face-to-face) since October 2013. We talk about sex, the site we are on together, swinging in general, our kids, work, parents, and other aspects of life including what we are making for dinner. He lives 14 hours away…when we met, I met him and his child who was taking a trip for personal reasons.

I have had a friendship with another guy about that long… October/November 2013… we have met at a club, house party, went to dinner, went to lunch, and have had sex about 5 times so far. We live about 2.5 hours from each other and well, we talk nearly every day.

I have had a friendship with a couple since May 2013… they moved away last year to a state a few hours a away… we still keep in contact with each other via email… but we have gone to their home for multiple house parties, a play date just the four of us… traveled to a hotel takeover a few hours away together, and shared sexy fun times and some real life stuff.

I have had some other friendships that are not very deep or lasting, but we stay in contact… more acquaintances than friends…

And I have had some folks I thought were friends and were not.

I have a number of virtual friends. They are virtual friends because they live far, far away from me… but we share a great deal of real life stuff… know their last name, they know mine… our address – their address… kid stuff, medical stuff… daily stuff… and swinger stuff…

Friendships are very fickle at times in the vanilla world and even more so in the swinger world. I have had friends on the site we are on and cannot remember why I friended them… (I struggle with Facebook and this is very much like facebook that I struggle with it too on the sites).

To me, friends on sites are people you want to remain in contact with on a regular basis. I have unfriended people because they don’t keep in contact with me and if I send them a message and they don’t respond… I kinda take that as a sign they aren’t interested in remaining in contact and therefore, why remain ‘friends’. I will take them back if they ask again… I am silly like that… I tend to believe they wanted to be friends and realized how awesome I am and missed me a great deal… yeah, I know the reality is they just want the number to increase on their friends list.. but I am an optimist and hold out hope that I am worth being friends with…

And just so you know… I believe I am worth being friends with… but I don’t get upset when someone doesn’t want to be my friend… I figure they are saving us both some hassle by not being my friend if they don’t appreciate me… no harm, no foul, and certainly no drama then…

There are times when people drop off my friends list and I for the life of me cannot figure out who they were. I look and look and look and whether their picture did nothing for me or their profile name was so generic that I cannot remember it… I feel worse that I have no idea who they are when they unfriended me than the fact they unfriended me…

I tell you what… it is very much like facebook and I am really, really not into facebook… I went on facebook today and noticed a message my best friend from college sent me in JULY…. I just saw it today the 27th of December… I HATE FACEBOOK… and I hate the friends thing on Kasidie…

If you want to be a friend to someone, be a true friend… those friendships last  a long time.

I had a friend on Kasidie that I thought was a true friend. In fact, when the friendship ended because I found most of what she said to be dishonest and full of games, it hurt for a long time. That is how I knew I saw her as a friend.

Friendships last in the lifestyle if you work at them… if you place importance on being real and authentic… and being able to be truthful in how you deal with them and not play games.

And yes, you can have sex with friends… but again, it all comes down to how honest and how much you value your friendship with them…

Well, a much shorter post than usual… hope you don’t fall over from shock…

Love you all who read and even more those of you who comment – whether on here, twitter, texts, kik, or email…

May your sexually social adventure be all you want it to be… and if it isn’t… make changes so it is…

Muah

Sophia

Friendships in the Lifestyle, Good or Bad?

I had a conversation with someone who I had met several years ago and have been in and out of ‘texting’ conversations since we met… Sometimes life gets busy and we hadn’t talked in a while and then we talk every day, just one or two texts and other times a bit longer. Most of our texts are very vanilla in nature and they usually are about ‘real’ life issues or we comment briefly about Kasidie a site we are both on… but the conversations are rarely sexual in nature and certainly not what one would consider conversations that lead to sexy banter either.

As the conversation continued, I asked him if he thought of having sex with me when he was going to be heading my way a few months ago. The conversations around the meet was very vanilla… short time available to stop in and say hi… nothing about sex and while that is okay, I had to wonder… my hubby believed that he wanted to have sex… but I didn’t think so… so, what on earth could I do but ask…

So, I did…

His answer was that he wasn’t thinking we would have time – and never mentioned it as a desire to have – so, in his mind, sex would not happen.

He also said that if he had sex with me and it changed the friendship that it would be horrible… that not having sex would be better if the relationship stayed the same.

Now, these are the conversations that get me thinking and thinking and thinking and well… this got me… you guessed it… thinking…

When swingers state they are looking for friends and specifically friends with benefits… does it actually work out that you are both good friends and friends who have sex?

I have to add that this person I reference above lives quite a ways away… like approximately 14 hours away with no pit stops added into the time… It is not like we would be able to meet up once a month or anything… so, would the friendship be at risk if sex was had?

This brings me to the idea of what friendship means…

In the beginning of the ‘text’ portion of the relationship between this person and myself, the texts were challenging… he would say morning every morning and that was that… remember, I have said repeatedly that I get bored with the same old shit day in and day out… ‘u wet’, ‘u naked’ etc… morning and that is all you say is annoying to me… either have a conversation with me or change it up a bit… add a good morning… or morning sexy… or something… morning sounds likes you are doing the bare minimum and it’s killing you to do the bare minimum… and believe me, the person on the receiving end of the bare minimum knows they are getting the bare minimum… guess what that makes the person feel like?

A person feels like an obligation… a chore… an annoyance they are placating… and it wasn’t just me… others who received this felt the same…

I stopped the communication… it was more annoying than fun… and when something falls into this area, well, you might as well stop it… the feelings felt in this manner are no fun and better uses of one’s time is just that… a better use of one’s time.

After a bit of time, real conversations started up again… not sexy texts… but conversations about life… you know the stuff of friends. That felt much better than ‘morning’ and nothing else, unless he was upset that we never said much after morning…

So, when I look at what defines a true friendship, I look at the example above… and what we have been through, how long we have been ‘friends’ and the fact that we still communicate about real things happening in our lives… I find the true definition of a friendship as one that can withstand periods of annoying texts… and periods of silence… and periods of real conversations about life and all the nice and unpleasant parts of life…

And I wonder if one can withstand this over the course of a few years… could it also withstand sex?

From what I have been told and what I witnessed firsthand… if the sex is good the friendship is strong… if the sex is bad, the friendship ends…

We had a couple in the beginning of our adventure that wanted to be friends with us and have sex with us… new and naive could describe us… we thought it was possible to find someone you enjoy being with and have sex… we got a long fairly well when we met… there was nerves (here is where the naive falls into play) on their part… so we cut them some slack… what we found was they weren’t nervous about playing… they were hoping and the nerves came into play here… they were hoping that she would be well fucked before I realized he couldn’t get it up… and not because of nerves… but because he suffers from low testosterone and planned this date right before his next shot… and they are not that unaware of all this… she is a nurse… they knew what they were doing… she wanted fucked and they planned the date… knowing he wouldn’t be able to get it up at all… the pity party we had to withstand after the ‘issue’ was made known…

Like I said, we were new and naive… (this is where I get a lot of my material… experience, not just solely opinion here sexies…) we put up with the attempts to cover it, we put up with the pity party, while thinking of a way to get out of there without hurting their feelings… and I have to tell you, through most of the pity party I had my husband’s cum dripping out of me because we had had enough of these experiences (like the day before too) for him to know, fuck they shit out of Sophia before we get dressed or it feels like a waste of shared hotel costs…. but we also thought we could remain friends with someone because they wanted to be friends with us… despite them lying to us… and manipulating us… fuck, we weren’t just new and naive… but just out and out too nice and plain stupid…

But, we wanted to think it was possible for people to become friends and remain friends when the sex isn’t so good…

And this brings me to my point I started a long time ago in this post…

It is possible to be friends with other swingers and have sex… and even if the sex is not exceptional for one or the other because of life creeping in… if you are real friends, you recognize that sometimes people do have an off day…

Not like that couple who set up the situation for failure… but for those who are true friends and not the commonly used ‘friends’ title most of us give each other because we really don’t know each other and have no idea how else to describe who you are… you really can’t tell your kids you are going to a relative strangers house to fuck them… so you say, “we are meeting friends” and come up with something else to do besides fucking like ‘dinner’, ‘drinks’, ‘pool party’ etc… but most people who claim they are friends with someone else who is a swinger is more likely ‘friendly’ than true friends.

So, if the sex sucks… and at times it does… if we are honest with each other here… sometimes it sucks… sometimes it is okay… and sometimes it is good… and sometimes it is awesome… but often it is just okay… where you could take it or leave it… hence the once and done scenario… but even if the sex is less than stellar, one can believe that if you are true friends long before the sex happens, you will still be friends…

And here is something that one can consider when judging the sex quality… if you truly know what the person is about… truly their friend… you know that they have this or that going on in their life and you can understand if the sex is not so great this time but last time it was… you know they have a lot of stress going on and with that stress you find that  sex doesn’t always release that stress like we think… and then we can sit back and talk with them about what is going on and how it is affecting them… we can change the sex from wild swinger sex (I laugh when I write that since so much of the swinger sex is much like vanilla (boring) sex… the only difference is the partner)…. but you can spend a bit of time talking and touching in a soothing way until they relax enough to enjoy moving things ahead… yeah, that is something that defines friendship in the lifestyle… when you can understand, care about, and are comfortable with doing what needs to be done to help your friend along… all because you know you are truly a friend and not just a once and done swinger partner.

The title of the post is if friendship in the lifestyle is good or bad… and you know what, I think that if you are truly friends… true and authentic rather than ‘facebook’ style friends… it is a good thing… if not, then friendship is another tarnished element thrown in to make others think it is worth their time to know… and most experienced swingers know there are certain words in a profile or in emails from swingers that scream out…

Well, I will let you figure out what they scream out to you….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

How To Get Your Swing On Part 4

I received a comment yesterday that the poster did not want the comment posted, the comment asked me where I get off thinking I have all the answers when it comes to swinging?

Well, dang it all… didn’t the poster know that I have been granted the gift of providing swinger education?

Obviously, I am joking about the gift of providing swinger education… however, I do believe that I am able to see what happens around me, form an opinion of whether I like what I see happen around me, and well, voice that opinion. I have had people tell me I don’t shit… some tell me I bring a unique perspective, and some tell me that my ramblings have brought some clarification to something they struggled with…

Here is the truth of the matter… I have an opinion and I share it… if someone doesn’t like it… there are a few things I can say about that… remember I have an opinion and I share it… first – if something annoys you or makes you mad about what I wrote, consider if it is because it strikes a cord you are not ready to have struck… and more importantly, if you are upset by what I write, don’t read the email.

But let’s look at the comment a bit deeper… why is it wrong for a person to share what works for them and does not work for them?

If I am telling others that you and your spouse hanging over each other does nothing to build sexual chemistry between you and your potential swing partner, how is that wrong?

So many couples and singles talk about how there must be a four way connection, yet they spend all their time cuddling and flirting with their own spouse and leaves the other couple hanging out there wondering why they were invited… doesn’t that scream out ‘something is wrong’?

Yes, yes it does… very wrong. Do you not know or understand why that is wrong???

I recently asked a guy I have met once and talk to often, like many times in a week… if he thinks of having sex with me? He states that it crosses his mind, but he really likes our friendship and wouldn’t want to have sex with me if it meant ruining the friendship.

I get that… and I don’t get that… I mean, if the friendship is real, won’t it be a bit more fun with the sexual component… but that is a topic for another post… let’s stick with the point that you may have missed… I had to ask him if he ever thinks of having sex with me…

If a person, in this case me a girl, has no idea if you think of me in any way in regards to having sex… and she has to ask… isn’t that a sign that something is really, really going wrong…

Yet, how many times do you and your spouse go to a couples date and wonder, “Do they want to have sex with me?”

If you are asking this question, the couple you are with does not know how to get their swing on…

And if the couples you are with are asking them the same thing… ‘Do they want to have sex with us?’ You are doing something very, very wrong… and this isn’t me telling you this… well, not just me… it is the less than spectacular adventures you have had with others when naked…

How to get your swing on makes sense only when you are willing to open up the manner in which you welcome others into your marriage and your bed.

And you have to recognize that you are inviting others into a part of your marriage and your bed (or hotel bed) and just how exactly you do that is how to get your swing on… if you embrace it as a fun, exciting, flirty, and sexy manner with your potential partners, you will have a great time swinging.

If you are fearful, jealous, nervous, shy, closed up, and focused on yourself and/or your spouse exclusively, you miss out on the opportunity to fully enjoy what others have to offer you.

Think of it this way… you are invited to a holiday get-together in your neighborhood… the organizer of the get together is a warm, caring, loving person who enjoys having everyone present and makes each one who comes to the get-together feel welcome and special… that feeling catches on and others feel an overwhelming need to make everyone feel welcome… and the entire group feels a great deal of warm fuzzy feelings… This host really knows how to get a get-together on…

Or there is a host who has a need for having all attention on her and she has a few friends who suck up to her… and they are one of those cliques that are absolutely no fun to be around… no one wanted to come to the holiday get-together, and you can tell. Everyone is in small groups, talking only between themselves and leaving others feeling out of place… this host really DOES NOT know how to get a get-together on…

Which host are you when you think about a couples date?

I will leave it at that… that way, you decide how to get your swing on and I am not telling you what to do like the swinger know-it-all I am accused of being… Muah, I really don’t mind the comment… I like to think about it like this… I struck a cord… just hope I don’t swing with them if they can’t see they need to have a bit more sexy fun on a couples date… MUAH!

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure more than Abby (the poster) is…

Sophia

A Question About “Why Would I Write My Profile For You?”

I was on chat and someone asked me why I wrote in my last post about writing a profile for someone else not you?

Sexual pleasure by your self is masturbation.

Sexual pleasure with your spouse is marital bliss.

Swinging requires other people.

You can use your hand or a toy to masturbate.

You can ask your spouse to have sex with you – kinda like a captive audience type of thing… and your spouse will most likely have sex with you with little wooing…

But in order to swing, you have to make yourself attractive and interesting. They have to want to meet you. Or you are not swinging. You are sitting there on one side of the computer screen looking at profiles of people who are either swinging or sitting there just like you.

In case you are wondering, I am in a wonderful mood today. I am not trying to be snarky, bitchy, or mean.

I am speaking honestly.

While the numbers are uncertain, many people who are on the swing sites will never swing with another person. They may email, chat, post in forums, or even text others talking a great game, but they will never swing.  And many of them will never leave their homes for a swinging activity.

During our first year I became some what of an expert on ED – the chronic kind. And remember I am a girl. I had seen more limp dicks in my first 6 months of swinging than I ever had… and in fact, I hadn’t seen limp dicks in this manner before I began swinging.  Yes, I had seen a limp dick that was limp as in its natural state of being.. but never had a man who was in a sexual situation not become hard when it was time for it to be hard. Never had that problem with hubby. So I talked about it on the forums and was attacked…. OMG was I attacked on one site and then when the topic came up on another site… the reaction was mixed… but more women were willing to say “Hey look, I have had 17 play dates and 17 guys with limp ass dicks…” Beautiful women, average women, small women, large women, nice women, outspoken women, it didn’t matter women were having this issue… Then in person the topic would come up… Limp dicks were everywhere…

So on one forum post someone else asked me to start for her… this one guy came on the thread and tried to tell us that women faking orgasms were just as bad as a man with chronic ED playing as a swinger.

The thing you must know about this guy, he was on the forums all the time spouting off as an expert. However, we found out that he was not a real swinger as in he had never had one swinger adventure of any type… we found that out because we asked him and he told us.

I find this amazing that this man would go on and on about how horrible we women were upset about men who know there is nothing they can do to get hard lying to us and planning a date only to demand a pity party when what he knew would not happen happened…

And then to tell us that women faking orgasms was the same thing.

I personally think a better image would be if our vagina’s sealed up and the guy couldn’t get entrance at all. That would demonstrate a similar ‘thing’ – a cock that can’t get hard enough to enter the vagina and a vagina that seals itself up…

The point of all this… a man who sat behind his computer and spouted off a great deal of ‘insight’ on swinging never swung.

He wanted to appear like a swinger and in the know of how to swing… yet had not swung yet.

We look at those types of people with a bit of confusion as we do not get why they want to tell us all how to swing when they do not have any idea on how to swing.

Some of the profiles you see on the sites are similar. They spout off to me and all who read the profile what we need to do to make your selection process.

Yet not one thing tells me why you are so worth me shaving what I don’t want to shave, looking how you want me to look not how I want to look, being who I am not who you want me to be….

Some of us who read the words written tend to read what is written and take it at face value. Some of us who read the words written tend to read the ’emotion’ set forth in the written word.

Something as simple as “We are an attractive, educated, well to do couple who is madly in love with each other. We are not looking to replace each other, have no time for drama, and have the best sex life ever” can send the wrong message.

When I read something like that… here is what my brain says to me…. “What a conceited asshole.”

Why does my brain say that to me? Because my brain has processed the pictures of the couple (if there were some pictures) and thought, they are not ‘got hit by a mack truck and survived ugly, but damn their definition of attractive is not mine.’

Let’s be honest. Not every single person who swings is attractive. You may put me in that category if you want… but I never claimed I was a beauty icon… but then again, I do not go around saying… ‘Look at me, I am Sophia and I am SOOOO Attractive’.

Because my brain has decided that you are not attractive and you claim you are… that you are delusional. I am sorry, but that really does happen. I look at you and your description of you and your spouse’s attractiveness does not seem to match up.

Then you go on about how educated you are… really? An truly educated person does not have to brag about their intelligence. It is obvious. And the fact that this odd profile is the best you can come up with does not support your claim of intelligence.

The references to your income level… well, sometimes those who think they have money and act like they have money have less money than those who do not show off or brag about their income levels… just saying…

also just saying… money has never been able to overcome an insufferable bore…. no matter how much money you have… and unless you are gifting me your fortune… why does your money matter to me…

I have never understood why people mention that which they do not want as if they are not tempting fate by mentioning it… And to be very honest.. we have dealt with a helluva lot of drama from profiles who declare ‘we are drama free-we expect you to be too’…. Seriously… all those who have presented drama had that in their profile in some form or fashion…

Instead of declaring it… why not fix what is causing it…

We did have one couple that displayed some drama… I happened to be out of the room at the time… but they realized they let out some drama, got dressed and left. Then they apologized for it.

OMG they acknowledged they caused drama and apologized for it…. How very mature… I am being very serious here.. they were being very mature…

The bit about loving each other and not wanting to replace each other… a good number of folks believe that and live that…

However, we have been around couples where this is not the case… I am serious… I will not go into details here… but I could write a 5,000 word minimum post on this topic alone and still have much more to write about…

See how this is not really what I want to read… there ain’t shit in those statements that make me want you.. in fact, it could be considered swinger repellent…

And telling me to be shaved no matter how clever you state it is still rude… as if you have any say in my personal grooming… is someone less of a person because they do not shave their genital bald? BTW, I do happen to shave… but not because someone forces me too… it is my decision… but I have to wonder if you ever wondered how many people who do shave find that ‘order’ repulsive.

I do not know why people say they are discreet and you be too… Is that really necessary to say to people when you are do a google search of profile names and see how discreet they are? And you know what you can do… the next time you see that in the profile, google their profile name… dare ya… discreet is a myth in the world of the internet… and sweetie if you are on the internet on a sex site and trying to get you some piece of ass… there ain’t no such thing as discreet….

There are many points I could go on to make… but my hope is that you will see how this is not the warm and fuzzy crap that makes a cock hard or a pussy wet… nipples hard… or other signs of attraction…

And you know what… I am sick of people saying how else will I know I want to have sex with these people.

I am going to ask you something… as honest as I can…

When you had your first bit of attraction to another person… when you were a mere teenager or whenever your first time was… did you go down a list of

  • job
  • education
  • shave or hair
  • height
  • weight
  • sentence structure – yes, someone told me once that they reject people if they can’t write a proper sentence
  • hair color
  • hair length or if they even have hair
  • bi status
  • and so on….

My guess is when the first bits of sexual feeling happened you went with it… you decided… hell my cock or pussy can’t be wrong…

Well, maybe it was… but as teenagers we were more willing to go by feeling on this… we were less likely to think ourselves out of sex.

Believe it or not married couples do this too… they think themselves out of sex…

Now, there is nothing wrong with thinking about who you are going to have sex with before you bare your ass and take it hard…

What I am saying… back when we were teenagers and stupid in most aspects of life… we went by feeling a bit more… we let things happen… friendships and lovers.. even if young love… we made ourselves interesting to others and we tried to see others for more than their statistics…

Yet when we are older and wiser we act stupider.

There is one guy on chat that always talks about school girl anal… and most of the girls on the chat that he is saying this too have told him repeatedly that we are not into school girl anal… as in dressing up as a school girl and getting it in the ass… I for one am not a costume wearing girl… I love anal but not so much the costume and role playing… we began tuning him out… then we started getting a bit pissed at him for using that on us and not listening to us…

And that is the crux of this situation in my opinion. It isn’t about what others want to know about me… or what I want to know about them… it is all about me… but wait… it is NOT all about me in this aspect… Pay attention here…

It is all about me finding the way to reach those who are most likely to connect with us…

It is all about me finding a way to communicate what I want at an appropriate time and place and manner.

It is all about me selling others on why they will benefit being with me… meeting me… have sex with me or being friends with me…

You can set boundaries.

You can set rules and preferences and desires.

You can get to know people without throwing all your rules right away…

The secret of that is to build an interest…

Consider the new Apple Watches coming out or any Apple product.

You get just a little bit and then a while later you get a little bit more and then when they have your interest and you are scheduling in your calendar when they will be out… they fill you in on the details..

Try writing a profile to attract me… to make me want you…

And then when we start sending emails, private chatting, IMing or other rules you have..

Then start talking about what you like and don’t like… and if you find out you are not as attracted to them as you first thought… then back off slowly and nicely…

Just saying… We are close to 13,000 page views per day on SLS… we have about 38 left to go…

I may know a bit of what I am talking about…

Sophia

Now from the time we are born, our parents are teaching us it is not all about ME…

We are told to share, we are given boundaries, we are told other people exist… and we learn social skills to function in life…

Yet suddenly as we swing we seem to forget that it is not all about ME if I want to do more than get myself off…

If I want to play well with others, I need to attract others to me… I need to make them want me and want to get to know me…

How can I do that if I repel them from the get go…

Must Have Been Something I Wrote….

I wrote a few days ago about profiles and the angst I have when reading them as many of the profiles turn me off of them… causes me to loose interest in meeting them.

I have gotten a boat load of contact from people asking me about their profiles. What do I think about their profiles and what should they do about them to make them better.

I have also noticed a huge jump in views on our profile. Could it be because others were wanting to read our profile or was it because they saw our profile showcased on the post… I am not sure, but we did get an enormous increase in profile views.

So what you say?

I agree with you that it is not the most important thing in the world… but if you are a swinger and you are wanting to actually swing… you need to meet people. And if you need to meet people you need to have a hook to make them want to meet you. And if you need a hook to bring them in… then you fix your profile and/or pics and you can do wonders in meeting folks… because… and here is the kicker…

Because people want to meet you…

Here is where most people get hung up… they think the profile is all about them… written all about them… and for them… and it is not…

My profile is written for you… whoever YOU are…

Your profile should be written for ME… and all the MEs you want to meet. And let’s ask this very important question… Do you want to meet others??????

I am not gonna lie… writing some positive press about yourself is not easy. That is why people who need press releases written about themselves do not write them. They hire someone who can see in a more objective manner the good, the bad, and the very naughty about you… in regards to the swinger profile at least.

We all know that we get tired of hearing how wonderful someone is if that is all the profile is about just as much as we get tired of hearing of all the ‘things’ they hate about other people… there has to be a happy medium… Don’t you want to find the happy medium… the profile that is going to attract the people you want to meet…

So how do you craft a perfect profile?

Well first of all, forget about the profile being perfect.

It won’t be.

So don’t try.

Just make the profile better. Engaging. Real. Funny. And you can do all that in one profile. Honest.

It isn’t hard.

Go ahead and try this easy idea.

TALK TO ME. Write as if you are talking to me… not telling me that I don’t measure up based on my impression of your message…

Talk to me like you WANT ME TO WANT TO MEET YOU!!!!

When crafting your profile consider talking to me. Act as if you are going to be talking to me in person.

Okay, maybe you don’t want to talk to me. But how about someone else that you want to impress.

You may want to go back to me instead… here is why…. not my ego… but because you don’t want to waste time trying to figure out who you want to talk to about your profile… about you…

So pick me and let’s get on with it. No procrastination… sexies are waiting…

Here you go.

Tell Sophia 3 things about you that are incredible.

Not your spouse. YOU.  About you.

Come on… there has to be at least 3 things you want others to know about you…

Dig deep and you will be half way to impressing the shit out of me and everyone else…

For example, here is a little fact that may not be widely known. Before I colored my hair blond for the first time, I was more introverted than I wanted to be… afraid to be bold and talk to people. However, after I colored my hair for the first time I had found an inner strength to go forth and chat… I also found I got hit on a lot and I was not even in the ball park of being a swinger… or thinking of swinging… Yet, it opened many doors for me to be bold and more extroverted. Which was great practice for many years later when I began swinging….

Now those who have met me may have a harder time believing this from me because I do not appear introverted much at swinger gatherings… but those who do not know me may feel a connection to the moment when they decided to be bold… or those who want to be bolder may look for their ‘blond’ moment to make them bolder…

See what I did there… I built a connection or the potential for a connection in just what I wrote… I opened up and allowed the potential for a connection to happen… isn’t that what we want to happen with swinger profiles…

Now that you have your 3 things about you that make you incredible… go ask your spouse for their 3 things.

Now if you are truly single, you don’t have to do this… if your spouse doesn’t know you have a profile page on a sex site… go break the news to him/her now and get their input…

Then ask each other the moment you knew you wanted to swing… and why?

And then recall the best swinger story you have…. the first swinger story you have… some awesome swinger story you have… Don’t have one yet… well what the hell are you waiting for…

Oh, I know, you are waiting for someone to read your profile and get a connection started because they will follow your lists of negative and demeaning stipulations in your profile…

Guess what… you may want to go back to the action plan of finding interesting stories to tell…

And you have the elements of one kick-ass profile…

Consider this little profile example… please know this is all made up… not mine and hubby’s experience and it is not anyone that I am aware of… I am making it all up following the guidelines I have set up in this post… but if some of the things written in this profile makes you think of something you may have told me since I first started communicating with you… umm… sorry.. but you see in my brain I stored a lot of little tidbits from people and sometimes the combination of all these little tidbits…. well they come out in a very creative manner… but please don’t ask me to catalog who gave me which bit… I am doing to deny, deny, deny…

Here it goes…

Twelve years ago I met an incredible lady who was extremely sexy and captured my heart right away. I believed there was nothing else in this world I could ask for… yet, here we are… our desire for variety in our sexual experiences together and a part have brought us a number of exciting adventures.

On a recent bike ride, I stopped at an overlook and was appreciating the view when two beautiful women on bikes stopped. A man’s dream come true. They chatted with me and I of course had to flirt with them both. They stayed engaged in the conversation and the flirting became hotter. My wife happened to call at that moment and I told her that I was lucky to be chatting with two very hot women. The women beside me blushed and loved the attention I gave them. I asked one of them to talk to my wife on the phone. Yet, they didn’t know she was my wife at the time. My wife got on the phone and asked them if they would want to meet us for drinks tonight. Thank goodness it was a Saturday night.

After a bit of convincing of these women that she was in fact my wife, it was okay to meet, and all it really was was a drink… they agreed to meet us later at the bar.

A few hours later, my beautiful wife dressed up looking hot and me, just hoping to keep up with the lovely women I was to meet… we arrived at the bar and saw both women. And their partners.

We had no idea that they were married, nor that they were all swingers. We hit a swinging jackpot. We had drinks, got to know each other better, danced, drank, laughed, and talked. Then we headed to a hotel to see what other trouble we could get into.

My wife has the ability to talk to anyone and convince them of anything. She is lively, smart, and easy to get to know. She loves life and all that it has to offer. Of the two of us, she is the beacon that causes others to want to be near us. As you can tell by the story… I don’t do too bad myself. Must have been the bike shorts I tell you.

If you are interested in seeing what the night will bring, send us an email, IM us or visit us on chat. We love to travel and will set up a weekend trip if the chemistry is begging for us to do so.. you know how it is.

We like to be outdoors as well as hanging out indoors… so if you would like to get to know us a bit more nilla than swingerish for our first time out… please don’t hesitate to suggest something. You never know what we may experience together. If you are interested and you read this far… go ahead and ask to see our private pictures… we want to be an open book you will want to dive into.

Oh, so let’s break this profile down a bit… I think it has all the elements a good profile has…

  • it was covered – they are attractive, the female is hot and the man isn’t too bad himself. But hey, this time it was done a bit differently
  • they are laid back, easy going, go with the flow type of people – actually show how they are this way…
  • they do hall passes
  • they like to flirt, dance, laugh, talk, drink alcohol, and hit bars.
  • they will make the first move
  • the wife is a swinger too
  • they really aren’t shy
  • they travel
  • like being outdoors
  • can do things indoors
  • will play on the first date
  • have pics of both of them
  • open to pretty much anything
  • they like to be friends – first even – or at least try to be friends
  • have money
  • educated – she is smart reference – he can write a profile… LOL
  • they are married or at least together for 12 years…
  • they have a great sex life but like the variety swinging brings…
  • have we covered all the overly used and trite words in most profiles yet?????

So what were his three things… biking, dancing, flirting, traveling, outdoorsy – so that is more than three… but hey.. they are nice things nonetheless…

Her three things.. loves dancing, meeting people, approachable, and engaging… how about persuasive…

The best story they could tell… the meeting of two lovely women who happen to talk to Mrs and meet up with their swinger hubbies at the bar… I am certain they got the hint when the wife is willing to take hubby’s word they were hot and she asked them to meet at a bar… yeah you know how swingers are… we are always wanting to convert nillas….

Seriously folks… it is not hard to write a profile like you are wanting to meet others… like you want them to want you… like you have a side of  you other than the jack-ass side, boring side, non-original side of you your profile is sharing right now…

And for all that is good in the world… do not write… what the Mr thinks of the Mrs and what the Mrs thinks of the Mr… Love is blind and all that… ponder that for a while and see if you understand what I mean…

I will leave you with some words of encouragement… from Brendon Burchard’s Motivation Manifesto – “Why, having been endowed with the courageous heart of a lion, do we live as mice?”

Go forth and be the lion you are in writing your profile… and if you think I am talking directly to you… I AM…

Sophia

Play or Conversation – That Is The Question

According to Plato – You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. Hubby found this quote and wow… I thought it went well with some of my recent blog posts… Makes you wonder if Plato was a swinger (thanks Beau for that bit)…. You know me – giving credit where credit is due…

I am sure Plato had a different definition of play… you know maybe Olympic style play… but when you see some of the pictures taken… I bet you are thinking some swingers do it Olympic style…

The quote from Plato makes one wonder if he was correct and if it could be placed in the context of swinging with out much problem… and you know what… even if I was an ALWAYS FRIENDS FIRST swinger… I would think that it would be a great motto to go by…

For the record… I have friends first, friendships started with a play date, friendships after a play date, friendships without playing and not sure if we ever will meet up to play, and you will always be a friend and nothing more…. see I am flexible in my ‘friend’ thing… and this if for Beau – Friends are different than the commonly used word friend to describe the feeling of being sorta acquaintances in order to get in your pants because that is what everyone wants and so few do… I will say, I have only a few Friends from the LS, true Friends…. and that is okay… it is quality not quantity in this situation… oh, almost forgot… the category of friend that has friended himself/herself out of ever being a play partner…

Here is why… in case you forgot in my recent rant of defining friends… a great motto to go by…..

Let’s say you have a checklist of what you must do to determine if the person is friend material.

  • at least reasonably attractive – but shooting more for hot – even if hotter than me – because oddly enough I put higher expectations on hotness from others than myself… because even though I am not “THAT” hot –  I have an attitude of being hotter than I am…. (not being mean here… but this is the attitude many swingers have in the lifestyle… if you don’t believe me ask me for my research on this topic.. there is a lot of it and not just my own…LOL)
  • well – to – do so they can keep up with what we want to do in the ‘friend’ world as well as the nilla world and the swinger world – and if they happen to have a vacation home/boat/the desire to impress and pay for our dinners/drinks/fun… so be it
  • have to have a decent personality – if they don’t can’t be friends – and this means they have to be very funny but not obnoxious, they have to be smart but not talk down to me – they have to be nice but not too nice or they are boring – they have to know what they want but not tell me what I need to do – I am saving that for me to do….
  • must email 5 times at least – both of them to both of us – do not want the other people to like anyone else more than me… I also need to know all that they share – despite that fact I could ask my own spouse about the conversations and trust they will tell me the truth…
  • must text all four of us at the same time – see above because with texting you can send pics… and don’t forget to note that you could share the one pic sent to one of you between the two of you…
  • must video call twice – this is to make sure that you look like your pictures because no one will think it awkward if you get on cam and then you do not look like your pictures and even if you subtract the 10 pounds the camera put on and forgive the sweat pants and ratty t-shirt and the lack of makeup…. what are you going to say to them… sorry you are just too real and not pretty enough to meet… HOW AWKWARD IS THAT….
  • must meet for drink – no more than 30 minutes first time – second meet is no more than 1 hour – because if you bore us in the first 30 minutes we will get up and walk out the door… and hey wait even if you are fun to be with we are still going to get up and walk out at 30 minutes… don’t try to make us stay 31 minutes….
  • must appear how the do online in person – no wait – even better – this is just in case you had stand ins doing your video chat both times… (just wondering if they happen to give you a list of what you can wear and what you cannot wear on this date so they can see that you look similar to the cams…
  • must understand that just because we are friends doesn’t mean we will have sex – EVER……… so many reasons and since this is all about us and not you… we won’t tell you why you are not good enough to get naked and have sex… we would rather string you along… we love people wanting us so much they will do all we say… seems like you may be one of those if you have gone along with what we demand this far….
  • must have at least one vanilla date before one LS date but no full swapping on the first date – to see if you are worthy of our time without embarrassing us in public…

You think I am being mean…. I am not. I have seen so many of these lists of various forms and fashion in the TWO YEARS AS OF TODAY that we have been swingers… I kid you not… We had one tell us that because we do not like sushi (we live in the middle of mountains not on a coast near fresh seafood) we had to meet at the hotel and then we could go to separate restaurants, spend this amount of time there and then meet back at the hotel to play…. Yeah, when he wrote that… I questioned a few things… like his sanity… I will admit… I was blunt, to the point, a bit snarky… and laughing like the bitch I could be when someone thought that would be acceptable to anyone let alone me…. I admit I let it go a little further than I normally would because not only were we 3 weeks in the LS but I was curious as to what else the rules would entail… never had any intention of actually meeting them… but I was in the mood for a little fun…. but when I was told that I could NOT touch him in any way whatsoever but could play with her only… and she could play with me and hubby… and he could play with her… but only when she allowed it… and that he wanted to meet me alone sometime during the day when he traveled in my town… OMG…. that is too fucking funny… I am laughing while telling hubby the fun I had making him think I wanted that and then unleashed my inner bitch…

See guys, I write from my experiences personally experienced and that which people share with me…and you know what… so many people share these things with me… as experiences they have and as new experiences we both share….

But let’s say the ‘ALWAYS FRIENDS FIRST’ couples meet all the criteria and the hoops have been jumped through and you make that decision to play…..

What happens when the pressure to be all you want them to be is so intense the sex sucks??????

The pressure to be everything makes him and her less than perfect. They are so worried about the results they forget about the journey they should be enjoying….

Yeah, that happens a lot actually…

Expectations set is bad enough.

Expectations set too high is worse.

Expectations set to high and reality coming in at a normal level or below… shatters everyone…

And who’s fault is it?

I won’t answer that question and let you ponder it a bit…. I would be very curious to hear your answers.. please let me know however you want to let me know… I am serious… please let me know…

Now let’s say you and your spouse decide who to get to know/play with in a manner something like this…

  • Decent pic… wonder what they look like in real life… you know not everyone takes good pics all the time… let’s read the profile to see what they are like..
  • Profile is pretty cool… not many rules, preferences, you gotta be and do this to make us happy… more information about what they like to do… sounds like fun…
  • Oh hey, look they are online and open to IMs… let’s IM and see what they are like…
  • OMG, they are hilarious… they sound fun… wanna invite them to a party or something…
  • Hey wanna go to this party and meet us there… Yeah, great… how fun…
  • At the party, OMG, you guys are just like you appear. I am having so much fun…
  • Wanna make out…
  • Wanna play…
  • Oh YES…
  • And then they hang out in vanilla world and LS world because they took a chance, found much in common and didn’t stress much because it was a lot of fun to let it happen naturally.

I use the above as an example… because you know what… we have had a number of scenarios like that… and yes… sometimes it took more than the 5 minutes to read the scenario for it to play out… but when it did play out… oh my…….

We have avoided those who have the first checklist after we ran across so many profiles who did this. The first one got too detailed in what we were to do and how to do it to just meet… the second one is a funny now that we aren’t going through it story… but we didn’t meet either of these people.. and that was in the first weeks/months of meeting them online. But this happens all the time….

My point in all this is sometimes it is better to keep what you WANT/NEED on the down low and just share about yourself…. and your spouse… tell a story of why you swing, what you want from swinging… but not by listing rules or do this – do that chants…

I know what I am talking about…

Here is a screenshot of our SLS profile page…. Check out the number of page views that is reflective of how many we have each day to keep up at that level of page views… and we don’t live in a highly populated swinger area…. and because it is a bit blurry…. it is 12,845.  Yeah, that is a lot of page views every day….

sls

Not all of our pictures are open to folks so it is not like they are just peeking and getting off from the naughty pics that are in the locked galleries…

And they do read our certs and see that we are a lot of fun…

And they read our profile…I have posted our profile on another blog post a while back.. won’t repost it right now… maybe another time… and we get emails all the time, and IMs and Chats about how cool our profile is… the best they ever read because they walk away hard and wet and knowing a bit about us…. rather than seeing how they do not measure up…

When they meet us they see that we are just like we say we are…

There is some nervousness, fear, excitement, anticipation and all those other nice fun things to have… but usually after the first few minutes around us/me as I seem to cause fear in others more than hubby does… they see that I really am a lot of fun, easy to get to know, flirty, making them relax… because the person they wanted to know is who they are getting to know…

But how can you do that if they do not know what you are like from your profile?

At some time in our 2 years of swinging…. we have met a couple through chatting with them first and then we met them at a party. We didn’t look at their profile because we had been chatting with them and found out more about them than their profile could tell us. We did look at a few pics of them and gave them the benefit of the doubt that they ‘likely’ take bad pics… we meet them at the party and they are not like they appeared online… they were much more interesting online and that was not saying a whole lot. One part of the couple acted ‘so much better than the rest of us’ and that was a bit of a turn off… they appeared friendlier online than they did in person. The pics were accurate… which wasn’t really that good of a thing… we were hoping against hope they looked better than their pictures… all in all we had a okay time… but nothing to make me want to have sex with them and even less to want to have a conversation with them. We checked out their profile and read the list of dos and don’ts that they had and compared it to what they presented online and what they presented in person.  We were glad we met at a party and could wander to meet others… so very happy… OMG so happy….

We found that the manner in which a person writes their profile does demonstrate so much about them and often it comes across as negative. In writing and well folks… how’s this for honesty… in person… YEP… there you have it… a person who writes out all their rules because it is more important to control folks who contact them will be that way in person… they are not really easy going and laid back… they are so not… I cannot express this enough… they are not easy going and laid back… they want spectacular experiences without offering anything that is spectacular themselves… it is a horrible way to swing… and we know it is for them… as they have few experiences and complain that they have few experiences… and the ones they do are not what they are wanting… and the others are not good enough for them…. OH YEAH… they say that shit to me… all the while thinking … sweetie… you are so not going to get in my pants… how many more minutes until I am done talking to you… you are bringing me down….

How can this be I asked myself? How can  people who WANT to meet others and PLAY with others (if that is in fact your end game) make it so hard to find others who want to play with or even meet them?

I am not kidding… I wonder about this all the time…. I know the answer but I don’t know how to share this effectively…

I read those emails of people who rave about our profile being so cool, the best profile ever, and all kinds of gushing things…and I wonder what are they thinking when I read their profile…

Why are so many people coming across as negative in their profiles?

Why do you have to list all that you do not like about yourself? What makes you think we will like it anymore than you if you point it out? I am serious… I cannot tell you the last time I cared about a stretch mark you have when I have my own. I am sorry but it is pretty much a given if you gave birth you have stretch marks.

If you are more than 20 years old you have wrinkles of some sort… or grey hair… or heaven forbid cellulite or extra weight… HELLO… few people are absolutely perfect… why on earth are you pointing out your flaws…

Why not tell me about you that is good… that is fun… that is worth getting to know… unless I get off cataloging everyone’s flaws (which I do not) I couldn’t give a shit about your flaws…

I do not need to know what you like to have – the smallest details about what you like or don’t like…

Hear me out…

I do not do ALL I LIKE TO DO SEXUALLY with every single person I meet.

I do not expect to do ALL I LIKE TO DO SEXUALLY with every single person I meet.

Sometimes you put too much information out there and you scare off people or annoy people with all your rules that would like to do the same things you do… with you…

You appear overly negative, hard to please, hard to make happy, too demanding, too needy, too…. too much for many to handle for even a few minutes to be the friend let alone want to play with you…

Now you will probably say… well people still contact us…

Great… how many of them  (are/have) 1. read your profile? 2. Care what your profile says? 3. Plan on being your friend after they play with you? 4. Love the challenge you just put out there?

You may not believe this… but some people get off on a challenge… they like to see if you will play on the first date if you say you won’t. They like to see you devastated because after you finally give into them after being friends they leave you high and dry… because they like to make you feel bad afterwards by telling you in a variety of ways… umm you are not worth my friendship… you were just a pussy or cock for me…

People can talk a good game… seem like the best friend you can have, gain your trust and then get what they want and then leave you… maybe not in overt ways, but they are subtle about it… don’t want anyone to think they are just swinging for the sex you know… they will be busy from now on when you want to meet… they will ignore your emails or texts pretending they didn’t see them or were busy and forgot to respond…

How do I know this? I read blogs, forums, chats, texts, and hear in person these stories… we have seen people do this with us…

Most of the time them acting this way has been a huge favor to us because they did the dirty work, appeared to be the bad guy/girl/couple… and we breath a sigh of relief when we are no longer forced to deal with them anymore…

We hear of people that have been friends for a long time with someone they wanted to play with… it just never gotten to that point where the friendship turned to playing.

All kinds of reasons for it…

We have had people ask me to start forum threads on this topic… about when they have friends that have moved from potential play mate to no way in hell will I play with them… no longer attracted to them… or friends and played once and never want to play with them again because they are not very good at the sex part and they would rather not have those benefits anymore. And there are those situations where they live close to them, do not want to have sex with them and if the truth be told, no longer want to be friends with them anymore but they are stuck with them because of locale and public knowledge they are friends…

Sheesh…

Guess Plato was right… You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation…. maybe there is a happy medium…

Sure hope you find that happy medium…

Sophia

A “Friend’ly Story….

This morning I have struggled to get motivated. The time change in the Spring sucks… Thank goodness I work from home… I already struggle from bouts of insomnia and well this damn change has messed me up… and my best sleep comes between 7 – 8 am which had been between 6 – 7… damn time change…

I am at a point in my ‘current’ position where I hate everything everyone does… and that is because I am venturing into a new ‘thing’ and trying to work on both, but my heart is not in the old, it wants the new… Yep, you can put that into a swinger context if you want… I did… there is an excitement for the new and shiny… a great deal of excitement… just look at all those who have tried to woo all the newbies in the lifestyle… let them know what you want them to be like… and all that… I remember all those first dates we had in the very beginning… told over and over how to be and what to like and well…

In case you just met me through this blog… ummm that won’t work so well with me….

You want to sway me of some new way or your way of thinking you have to do it very smoothly… flirt and demonstrate why your way will make me so happy…

This past weekend with the time change and our son at home and a pending 4 hour round trip to take him back to school… we turned down an invitation to a last minute house party…

DAMN TIME CHANGE…

But I do not regret the trip the next day… we were celebrating my birthday early.. and I loved every moment of that day…. very worth the vanilla moments I had… because when it comes down to it… I love my family more than I do swinging… and in case anyone thought otherwise… when my boys come home I am in heaven… I love having them home… I love being with them and being mom…

But it doesn’t mean I am not excited when they go back home and I can host in my home again…

I tell you what… I love hosting at home… And more than just house parties… there is something very fun and relaxing for me to have others come to my home and make them feel comfortable.. and then when the fun begins.. there is something great about having all that you need to have there instead of in a hotel room…

So for the Friendly story…

I am working on this new venture… the premise is simple but the details are well detailed…

I have been working on all different parts of this business plan in an organized to me but not necessarily to others.. but when I am writing the main plan and come up with the process. I will write it in the overall plan then open up a new document and develop that process in full, then because of how that is developed I look at the budget again and figure out the changes in what the new processes will cause… when to bring someone in, how much to start… which bring up the whole idea of and need to fine tune the application process…. all the while trying to develop a lead list, marketing, do the marketing… and so many other things at once…

Well, what started out as three people interested in venturing forth has changed over time and while there are still three people in, the path this is taking is very different from the beginning. It is very different from what I envisioned… and believe me I am not saying this is a bad thing…

I believe it shows my adaptability. And for a girl who is often accused of being too opinionated, always thinking she is right, and having too high of expectations… this is a good quality to demonstrate.

I need people around who will take a moment and do something. Take action. Be honest. Be forthcoming.

So imagine my surprise when I find myself thinking of how I was going to venture forth in certain aspects…

This was in the very beginning of the process… before the first major changes happened to the plan… I needed to have someone who I could trust to oversee the payroll and incoming monies aspect of it…

Are you wondering why this is being discussed on a blog about swinging?

Well, here it is…

Life is funny. It makes no sense sometimes who you meet, why you meet them, and what you can get from them…

And what I mean by what you can get from them…. is not as horrible as it sounds…

I am not talking a piece of ass, a bit of pussy, or anything really sexual…

I am talking about what you can get from them is a relationship that is a bit deeper than ‘oh, nice ass… can I suck your pussy?’ Or ‘awesome cock shot… can you pound me hard?’

Sometimes you find that you are deeply involved in the going ons of their life.. you find that you are invested in them and they are too you…

This is not the type of relationship that you are more invested than they are of you… or them into you and you not so much…

This is an odd relationship of ebbs and flows… and in this particular case,  you are not even in the same town, state, or time zone… there is nothing that happens face to face at this point that makes you have a bond… it is the truest form of friendship…not based on what you can physically receive from them.. but more like you are able to trust them to whatever extent you need to trust them…

Here is the thing… you are not able to define in words why this connection happens. There is no list to follow… there is nothing that is able to be identified as the whole process of what works…

One day I asked her to read a business plan I am working on to give me an honest review of ‘does it make sense?’ I know what it is supposed to say and sometimes I can read more into what I am trying to say than what I wrote… She reviewed it and gave me honest comments. She is not in the industry that I am focusing on and I had explained enough for her to know what I am talking about… that is a good thing…

I know of her current position and asked her if she would be interested in possibly doing this as well… I am purposely leaving out those details… I had no idea what is happening with her current position and she didn’t really know either.. yet… but this opportunity is coming for both of us at an opportune moment…

It isn’t something that is going to be ‘right now’ as I am still working on these things diligently, but it is not something that can be done immediately.

Her time table is similar to the time table of this venture and well that is really cool how that works.

The area in which I need her is one that she did as a part of her current position… it is a part of which there are many ‘online’ products that help with that area to make it very easy for us all…

But more than that… I need someone I can trust…

Yet, I have never met her in person. Ever.

I do know where she currently works. What she does. I know enough about her to know that in order for this position of hers to work she has to be of a certain level of trustworthiness.

I also know that we can be honest with each other even if the honesty is not always what we want to hear.

I think that is a huge benefit for me. She can be honest with me even if I don’t want to hear it…

Well, we are moving along in this venture… and I am giving her links to the documents and really exposing my entire venture to someone else… a huge risk if you have ever been in that position, you know what I mean… this is a baby… an idea you don’t want others to have until you are successful… Yes, I know that doesn’t make sense, but it really does… if you think about it… you believe you have a great idea… you feel like you can do much with this idea and if you feel that way, then someone else can do much with your idea.. you need others to know about the idea but not so they can take it from you, but help you succeed…

Yeah, that is a huge risk… but necessary if we want it to work…

So, I get a text that someone we both know but she has more contact with mentioned he is struggling with a task for school. He is needing some assistance with a business plan. She mentions to him about what we are involved in… he feels weird that he would be asking me out of the blue… she tells me… I tell her to have him text me.. I assist him in this request for help…

A swinger needed help and mentioned it to a swinger who mentioned it to another swinger who was able to provide help… kinda puts us all at a different level huh?

The bottom line is… we hear people stating all the time that they need to be friends with others before they can have sex with them…

They make all these rules and regulations under the guise of preferences to make sure everyone has all the right stuff to be friends…

How is that friends?

Would you trust them with all the information they would want to have to be a real friend? Like your last name? Your real phone number – not a google voice number or a burner phone? Would you trust them to have your best interests at heart?

Could you give two of them your business plan or at least one of them parts of your business plan?

I know the answer to that… some people cannot… they cannot even have their face pictures on a locked album on a sex site for fear of someone getting to know them… yet demand they be friends before they can meet to have sex…

I am not judging you for what you need to do to protect yourself for whatever reason you need to protect yourself…

I just ask you to consider what ‘being friends’ with others mean.

If this friend I have met me at a vanilla function and never knew about swinging either one of us… the chances of us being friends maybe slim… maybe not… you never know… and that is the point… you just never know… We may be one of those ‘friends’ while our kids are on the same team or in the same class (not likely because of the age differences but just suppose)… or if we met at church or the grocery store… or where ever we met…

But she brought out a huge point… I have seen pictures of her naked, she of me naked… we already saw each other at a vulnerable state… naked… yes, via pictures… as we have not met in person… but we have seen us stripped down of clothes… we have shared our sexual bits on the forums and in chats… we have talked for 6.5 hours one night – all night long… man did that make the next day hard to function… but we did… and then we had other long talks on the phone.. and yet, we can have short calls.. but why?????

But because we have shared our sexual sides… we have already become more open and honest than most friendships can claim in the vanilla or LS… why because…we shared with each other all aspects of our lives… yes, in those 6 hour calls we have shared great details that take too much time to text out… but we have shared much of ourselves… so trusting her as I would any real – as in met in person – friend makes perfect sense… and you know what… I have no fear of sharing my business plan… other than the general letting anyone else see it for fear it comes across as stupid…

We both say that the reason the friendship developed is because it happened naturally. We saw what we respected, liked, and wanted to see where this will go….

So maybe you are thinking we may never see each other… well, I came up with this really cool idea to have a couple business planning/brainstorming/retreats with it being divided between business and retreat….

I think if we can get another person to take that client team position that happens to be a swinger… we could pick some swinger friendly locales for this retreat…. do a little business and have a bit of fun….

Now, that would be a lot of fun…

Hope you are finding your sexually social adventure a blast…

Sophia

Other Interesting Comments…. Calling Bullshit…

I have to warn you… this is several different trains of thought going on from the comments I received about the friend issue… and it is also a bit of the experiences I have had in all areas of ‘friends’… there is such an importance placed on the word ‘friend’ but not as much importance on making the friendship true… and people also look at friends as a trophy to collect… how many friends can I have… what having that person as a friend makes me look like – as in a most wanted swinger – regardless of whether I swing or not….  So… you’ve been warned…

I have gotten a few other comments… different in many ways from the one I shared yesterday. One comment stemmed from the fear of being outed as a “once and done” couple…. I thought that was interesting…

And here is why I found it interesting… By lying about the friendship thingy…. and being once and done… you are getting a reputation of being once and done…. SO???????

You are once and done… is that a big deal? Will your life as a sexually social person be over? Will there be no one else on your adventure?

So my answers to those questions… No, it is not a big deal if you are once and done. Your life as a sexually social person/couple will not be over. And there will also be others you can meet on your adventure.

Come on… do you really care what people will think of you if you are honest up front if you are going to never speak to them again? I can’t imagine that you would be all that broken up. I mean seriously… you fuck them and have nothing more to do with them. If you happen to see them at another function like a party, club, take over… well… blame it on alcohol, time since you played, the vast numbers of people you meet, poor memory, horrible with names or faces… Well, it isn’t like I am giving a bunch of new ideas to those who do this sort of thing… I mean we do this in our vanilla life as well when we want to pretend we don’t see someone in the grocery store…

But you aren’t worried about what they will think of you if you are honest… what you are more worried about is – getting some! People say the friends line several reasons….
1. The really do want to have friends – and possibly more than they want to swing
2. They use the line of wanting friends to get in bed with others who demand the friendship thing before sex
3. You want to appear all warm and fuzzy, like the friendship thing is the most important thing so those who demand the friend thing will think you are worth a shot.
4. You plagiarized your profile and didn’t really know what it said.
5. Someone told you that to be honest in the lifestyle won’t get you laid, so you added all the usual lines that everyone roles their eyes about but uses anyways.
6. If it would get you laid, you would admit to or claim anything. ANYTHING even being/wanting friends
7. Because to say that you like to fuck strange freaks you out and you can’t imagine it makes anyone else happy either.

Yep, this is a complicated thing.. you would think that you being honest about who you are and what you want would get you what you want…. but it doesn’t. The LIFESTYLE has decided that there are certain things you must include in your profile or you may be a bit too wild for everyone else… because in many people’s eyes… being a swinger and wanting to have sex is a BAD THING…

You can’t have sex with strangers…. You have to be friends first….Anyone ever ask why having sex with strangers is a bad thing?

Consider this… Sophia is not my real name… yet, many people who read my blog, twitter, forum postings, and chat with me.. think they know me… But they only know what I put out there as Sophia… But I am not SOPHIA… Sophia is a profile name and while I am like how I present myself on the forums, chat, and blog… there is more to me than you will ever know… I purposely keep that to myself… Why? Because I don’t fully trust someone I don’t know with all the information about my life. I do not expect the other person to fully expose themselves to me…

I have divulged personal information about me… but it was and is only that with which I am comfortable with others knowing… I do not divulge just to divulge…. it is a calculated step to see if I can trust you. To see if you are worthy of more of my personal self… outside the swinger self… and if you pass or if you fail… I will move from there..

But how many people have you developed a ‘friendship’ with as a swinger but never knew their last name? If you did find out their last name it was likely by accident. You may have been at their house and saw something with their last name…. or you had “KNOWN” them for 3-6 months in various stages before they told you their name…. or they mentioned it briefly but you didn’t pay that much attention…

So what if you know their favorite sex positions, some of their past stories, how many kids they have, the current health status of their parents, or other non-essential things like that before you meet them… it does not guarantee you will remain friends afterwards…. and here is why…

Sometimes when you meet someone, become friends, and then have sex… and if the sex isn’t quite how you expected it… nothing more will happen between you guys… the friendship becomes awkward… because now that you did the friend thing and the sex thing and the sex thing wasn’t as good as you thought it could be.. like on a scale of 1 to horrible… they are blowing past horrible… and you really liked them… and liked being friends with them… but they sucked at sex…and you cannot get past the fact that sex with them was worse than a root canal, gynecological exam, or a your first prostate exam (surprise, you didn’t know it was going to happen)…. and now you have to come up with a number of reasons not to have the BENEFITS they think they earned because you both wanted FWB status… and if you tell them that you don’t want to fuck them…. then the friendship is over… so… what ever should you do?

That is a hard one… I had a ‘friend’ on Kasidie ask me to start a thread to discuss that very thing… they had a lot of friends as in they have known them for years… and they hate having sex with them.. as in there is nothing worse that fucking them… but they like them as friends a lot… and they wanted this topic discussed… but they couldn’t start the topic or everyone of their friends would know they were talking about them… talk about awkward…

It is awkward because the friends thought they automatically have a recurring sex partner and can do very vanilla things together… living the best of both worlds…but they aren’t…

These friends are not being honest… and the fact that they can’t sever the ‘with benefits’ part of the equation, their friendship suffers…

When you unfriend someone on Kasidie… they get pissed at you and will publicly whine about the fact you unfriended them… for months afterwards… they think they know the reason why you unfriended them… and instead of asking you… they will announce they know why it was… but if we were real friends and there was a distance growing between us.. it would be worth investigating with the person giving you the silent treatment to find out why they are giving it… but that doesn’t happen… not with trophy collectors… they will whine about it and then they will find someone to replace you.. and then whine some more because they really are butt hurt because they thought they were all that and you obviously don’t think that of them anymore.. but again… because they aren’t real friends they do what real friends generally do….

And as a side note for all those on Kasidie that I have unfriended…. here is why you were unfriended…. and why when you announced on the forums that you were unfriended and you made an assumption it was because I was offended and do not have thick skin… please note… I chose not to respond because…..

I dropped you and several others from our friends list because we found you to fall into one or more of the following catergories:

Boring as hell
Stupid as shit
Repetitive in the games played 
Overusing the passive-aggressive behavior
and basically just not a fan of your drivel….
We didn’t want it to clutter up our wall anymore….I am sure you understand….I felt it was better to just unfriend you and/or revoke your BSP before your insipid blather numbed our brains anymore….we felt it was the least harsh manner to go about limiting our exposure to your mundaneness. 
Down here in the South we would just say ‘bless your heart’ and move on laughing from the freedom of being rid of you….

It had nothing to do with not having a thick skin… I valued my reputation of being a well respected forum poster… to respond to your passive aggressive attack on me gives you more attention than you deserved… And I am originally from the Midwest… I would not have said bless your heart… I would have posted what I posted above and made sure everyone knew which one applied to you… but I took the high road… as opposed to you….

And I may have had you in my friend queue… but you are not and were not a friend… not a real friend… as in we shared our lives together… there is a difference.. a big ass difference.

And that is the difference in all of this… using the label friend is very superficial… and when a real friendship does develop, at least on my side.. it is not for the purpose of getting sex from you… I can fuck you without being your friend… the purpose of being friends with you is that I felt you were worth something…

Until you showed me you were not…. (see that is the Midwestern in me)

So you know what… there were several who agreed with me… they can fuck strange and not feel bad… they do not have to be best friends with someone to fuck them… and they have no problem being honest about it…

They also agreed that what they do not tolerate well… is the lying people do to get laid…

This is your reputation…. do you really want it to be formed around how many lies you got busted on?

Hope you are involved in an honest sexually social adventure….

Sophia

Ever Get SOOOO Horny……

Ever get sooooo horny that you cannot do enough to take care of the need?  And before you go there…. that my hubby is not taking care of things well enough… that is not the problem here….. the problem is…..

We are sexually social… means we enjoy and want to have sex with other people… we begin to connect with others and flirt with others and sexting with others… and chat with others in the dirty ways…. and well you have this urge…. this urge that cannot be quenched by just anyone… you have to have that person….do the quenching… be the want you feel… the physical ache is not just physical… it is a mental/physical connection/need/ache.

So let me try to explain this….. see if you can understand… and if you do… please let me know if you have some way to fix this PROBLEM when the person you are SOOOO HORNY for live hundreds if not thousands of miles away from you and life and schedules get in the way of making this connection happen….

Okay… for me… I do not perv profiles looking for people to contact…. it doesn’t seem like the best use of my time…but I will engage in the forums and on chat… get to know folks that way… so we do a series of Hello’s and How are you’s…. and then sometimes real chatting starts… sometimes the chatting doesn’t start to quickly… but that is a whole other subject…. but really talking with them happens and well damn… a virtual physical and emotional connection starts….

I will perv profiles of the newbies on chat to check them out as they do me… if there is something interesting about their profile or pictures…. or they see something about mine that intrigues them… and we may flirt on the main chat and then a side chat starts….

There is something really cool when while chatting dirty… their dirty chats fit so well in yours… and you then find yourself expanding what you would do as they have found a way to get you to desire their desires….

Yeah… I am not sure if that made sense… so let me explain it in this manner…. and this is a combination of several ‘folks’ I have had this type of conversation with…. but I am sure… a few people will see themselves in these examples… and if you do… you will know how much I want to and need to fuck you…. very much damn it….

First… I am not a submissive person…. Do not tell me that you will punish me if I don’t do something you tell me to do… So many have made that mistake with me… and I will just ‘phone it in’ just to get done with the chat so that I can save the ‘nice girl’ reputation of not being rude…. I do not get off being told what to do… and expected to do it….. I will roll my eyes and laugh at you… not that you will know that because we have a computer and thousands of miles between us… but just know… it is not a turn for me….

I am not really into BDSM and certainly not as a submissive… and if there are things that I am interested in (and yes there are a few)… I enjoy them from the dominant side of things rather than the submissive….

However, that does not mean that I am dominant with my play partners… I am not really interested in a role of dominant and/or submissive when I have sex… I really, really enjoy when the sex just happens… no roles played out… just the desires played out… what I want and what you want and what we both want without having a script, a role, an expectation…. just sex, pure and simple…. and dirty even…. mmmm… now we are talking….

So imagine my surprise when I have had a number of things told to me by one person that they are going to do me that turns me off because it was going to be done to me in a submissive role….

And then someone else comes up and says…. in a totally different manner of speaking… that they would love to while sliding their cock into my needy pussy…. to put their hand over my throat…. and lightly squeeze…. while pounding the shit out of me…. and kissing me.. and seeing the pleasure shared between us both….. and it is said as a desire, not an order… and at that moment… I know they ‘get’ me and I want to do that thing with them…. and only them…

Okay… so here is the thing… I hate when a necklace chain is too short and tight on my neck… I cannot wear a turtleneck without thinking I am going to die… I cannot wear a scarf in all those fashionable ways…. if it is too tight on my neck…. I cannot stand my neck squeezed in a hug that is too tight… I feel claustraphobic…. but….

Here is this guy who I have a desire to fuck…. a strong desire to fuck… telling me via text that he would love to be fucking me… hearing my juices while he slides into my pussy… and then kiss me deeply… and while kissing me and pounding into me…. move his hand to my neck… not hard… gently… feeling my pulse under his fingers… adding a little pressure…. seeing my face accept his hand there… yeah… after that moment of fear passes…. and there will be fear there… as his kisses and his cock reassure me that I am safe…. ummm yeah… thinking of THAT with HIM… a huge turn on…. the stuff fantasies are made from….

I know what you are thinking… I am submissive… I lied about my submissiveness….

Well, nope… not at all…

No lying here… I am not submissive as a whole… I do not like to be told what I HAVE TO DO… but I do love to know what a man or woman wants to do to me…. and if there is a connection with that person telling what they want to do… to me… I am open to trying it…. I may not ever do it again… and I may not do it with anyone else… but I do enjoy to do it with them….

See, if hubby told me today after reading this he wants to choke me… or rather… while fucking me and kissing me… placing his hand on my neck….. I would tell him FUCK NO!…. and not because of anything other than… I would want to try that first with this particular person who introduced it to me first….

That is how my mind works…. I would not want anyone else to do that until that person who mentioned it to me – did it to me first….

So there is a guy who talks to me about having my pussy filled with my husband’s cum and fucking me hard…. feeling the cum and my juices mixing around his cock… then him filling me up as well…. and then later… the roles being reversed… him first then hubby….. and you know what…. I cannot think of letting someone do that with me and hubby and it not be him… I need him and hubby to do that to me… similar to the way he described…. and I am leaving out the details on purpose because I woke up very horny today….. and writing all those details would kill me… with want….

But he has shared this fantasy with me while we chatted… and it is something I need to do with him and hubby… and SO FUCKING SOON!!!!!

Now, hubby and I have had MFMs before… and we had a man stay with us for the weekend… and we fucked all weekend… but while it was close to it… it wasn’t the same… and largely because I know how much he wants it… how much I want it… and how much hubby wants it to happen – the three of us….

Damn distance thing…

But…. those urges… those needs… those physical things that are building up in the chats are just a few things that get a girl going… sometimes it is the need for the emotional connection too….

Now… if you think I am talking about love… you gotta read my posts about “What’s Love Got To Do With It” http://sophiasprovocativeadventure.blogspot.com/2014/09/whats-love-got-to-do-with-it-part-three.html….. but what I am talking about is the level of connection that builds when you have an attraction to someone and it is more than just sexual release… when it is a combination of many elements and then there is the physical need… and the desire to go further than you have gone before with someone…

It is a great thing when this desire is building inside you… it is also frustrating when you want so much…. and you can’t have that person at the time you want them….

I have had this situation before and when the opportunity to fulfill happens… it isn’t a let down… for me it isn’t… I mean… I may write scenarios about sex… and even when chatting I write down what I want to do to a man… but it wasn’t a checklist… but to let him know how much I desire him… want him… but when I get with them in person… none of the scripted stuff from our chats happen… we move very organically… going with whatever feels right at the time.. making a lot of new memories… that were never mentioned in the texts…

No expectations only lots of wetness, horniness, desire, energy (physical and sexual), lots and lots of fucking…

Well, this made me hornier today than I already was…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….

Sophia

What a Weekend….

We have had what I have to say is the best weekend of our sexually social adventure ever…. well at least in my opinion….

I do not know what part of it was the most incredible part because the weekend was so good… I will try to dissect it a bit so you can see what happened and the intricate parts of it that wove itself together and made it so incredible…

First I love to play hostess…. I love to cook for people… I love to make people feel comfortable… I love to be able welcome people to my home… for me it was an incredible opportunity as I said in another post to be able to welcome our first LS guest to our home…

There was something fun about being able to great this guest at the door with kisses that meant more than just a quick air kiss.. to fully welcome him to our home and if we are being honest…. to our bed…

Now, this man who came to visit is mentioned in What’s Love Got To Do With It Part Three – the guy from Texas…. so there was already a bond with him… hubby has read our story we were writing so he also knew of the bond…. and well that made it seem more intense between us….

This weekend was a big deal to me because let’s face it… a single man was coming to our home to have sex with me and sex with me and hubby…. but the focus was about having sex with me…. and yes, while I was going to have sex with him and hubby and sex with him alone and hubby alone…. it is a matter of having everyone comfortable…. and that means the single man needed to feel comfortable in our home and hubby had to feel comfortable in our home….

Now let’s just say that I had no worries about hubby being comfortable… we had been swinging for 18 months and I know how he is with me and other men… love how comfortable he is… and that makes this a great deal of fun… and this weekend hubby did not disappoint…

He was working until about 1am.. our guest arrived at 7:45 pm… so there was a great deal of time to get to know each other. It was fun to be in the midst of giving a blow job… and hearing hubby open the front door… hollar “Hey hubby” (real name not given)… and then our guest hollered the same thing as hubby walked down the hall… I had a cock in one hand and reached over to kiss hubby and undo his pants…

I cannot tell you how relaxed the night was… how much fun it was when nothing of the tense and other crap things you think may happen or you hear what happens to others and then you find yourself being fucked and sucked and you fucking and sucking and you know life is good…

Hubby was wore out but we sure did have some fun…

Did I ever tell you how much I love men… but to have two men to do as I please and do to me as they please… Oh My Goodness…. I absolutely loved it…

Falling asleep and feeling a cock so eager to fuck me…. and then going from one man to the other…

I think I may really like the idea of poly… to have more than one man at my disposal for when I need a good fucking or a MFM…

We did leave the house on Saturday… had sex before we left, when we got home and well, you get the picture…

I was tired and sore… but so very happy…. what a beautiful weekend of friends and lovers….

It is this type of weekend… this type of experience… this type of sexually social fun that makes me glad I am on this adventure….

To my husband and my lover…. thank you so much for incredible memories… it would not have been nearly as wonderful if not for you both….

I really hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….

Sophia