Category Archives: kink

Top Ten Sexual Fetishes – Just In Case You Are Curious

A fetish is defined as a need for a body part, material or object for sexual arousal… and while this makes sense… some of the answers in the top 10 sexual fetishes don’t quite fit in an ‘actual’ or ‘literal’ sense. Some do… but some don’t… but it does make for an interesting conversation and list nonetheless.

Starting from 10 and heading to 1… oh, and I obtained this list from The Richest. com –  Jean Ferraiuolo wrote this in 2014.

I am going through this list and thinking of the sexual fetish and determine if they do anything for me… and if they do… what that might be… an example of how one may venture out and see what their sexual curiosity is all about…

10. Adult Baby – I am not sure how to explain this one… but it is not what I enjoy, am not curious about… well, wait a minute… I am curious why someone would want to take part in this… and that may be a great conversation to have with someone as to why they like this… and why it turns them on sexually… only because I like asking why questions….

9. Swinging or group sex – this is one I enjoy… and I am not sure why it is a fetish… I know it is a kink… but not sure why they say it is a fetish… as it is not a body part, material or object for sexual arousal… hmm… I am curious how this got on the list as compared to others… and more importantly… why is it only #9! LOL

8. Water Sports – The example they gave is bathing in a tub of urine. They also mention other aspects of urinating – like urinating on someone on purpose during sex… or urinating in public… or watching someone urinate… Yeah, I can’t really see myself sitting in a tub of urine… or taking that long to fill a tub of urine… I’m thinking this is not a fetish of mine since the few times performing oral on someone, male or female where there was a hint of urine was pretty yuck for me…

7. Cross Dressing – Since I am a girl… and this is talking about a man dressing as a woman… this one doesn’t really apply to me… since I wear commonly sold ‘boy shorts’, guy’s shirts, ties, and other things like that… and so do others… I am thinking this is more like the men wearing make-up, lacy or silky panties, dresses, bras… and so forth… yes, they say woman can be cross dressers too… but I’m a girly girl… so this isn’t me.

So far, only one of the 10 sexual fetishes are up my alley… Swinging or group sex…

6. Foot worship – I really only enjoy baby, toddler feet… those cute little baby feet and toes… and not in a sexual manner either… I mean baby feet are just so cute and smell so nice… I am not a fan of feet… in fact, feet often creep or gross me out… not a foot fan… do not like playing footsy or having a guy rub his feet on me… not a foot fan… at all…. but I have had some partners that are foot fans… and I did enjoy the attention they gave my feet until I thought about all the things I may have stepped on since I washed my feet last… and that is where the grossness factor comes into play… I can appreciate attention to my feet, not going to pay attention to yours – male or female…

5. Spanking – The picture shown is a girl laying over the lap of a man and a man spanking her… much like I got as a child growing up in the 70s. Not a fan of that kind of spanking… and while I think about it… I am not a fan of a guy telling me that he is going to spank me… or telling me if I don’t do something or if I do something he will spank me… so not a fan… So I believe that leaves me out of the spanking fetish zone… however, I do like, when being fucked from behind hard… a few smacks on my ass. I don’t know why… just do… but it isn’t something I need to be aroused.

4. Voyeurism and exhibitionism – I can’t say this is a huge fetish for me… I am not really that into watching porn… except for gay porn (kink or fetish maybe? Yes!) and I have no interest as a swinger to watch other people have sex… I don’t get off watching my husband have sex… but it does turn me on when we are both having sex with other people… but it isn’t like I am going to watch him have this sex… I am having the sex too… on another side of this conversation… I do not care if people watch me have sex… I don’t get excited, freaked out or pissed… I am just happy I am having sex… and find myself wanting to ask them to join me… I am not an exhibitionist in that manner… I am not going to purposely put myself in a position just to be watched… no camming for me… and I am not going to put on a swinger show (girl-girl play) to get things started… not my thing… and I am not a nudist… but if I am walking around my house in tank and panties… or topless or naked or someone sees me masturbating through a window… it isn’t going to cause me to panic… and yes, it may turn me on if I see they are turned on by it… but… that is about all I have on that one…

3. Rubber/Latex/Leather – Allergic to latex… don’t have a body that really looks that good in rubber or tight leather… so I think I will pass… and the thought of a guy in rubber/latex/or leather (other than a non-latex condom) kinda makes me laugh hard thinking about it, don’t know if I could stop laughing if someone came out of the bathroom in a leather/latex/rubber outfit hoping to entice me…

2. Sexual Role – Play – not my thing… tell me a story before, during or after fucking me… turns me on… telling me to dress up and act a part… yeah, not my thing… and I don’t get the daddy/daughter, mommy/son, or the teacher and school girl thing… so, nope, not a fetish of mine… but you know what… I sure do like a good story… tell me a story… or better yet… just fuck me really well!

1. Dominance and Submission – Well, I already told you what my sexual curiosity is in this line of kink/fetish… that is really something I enjoy… but not in the most traditional of manners… and I have no desire to be submissive or play the part of the ‘traditional female sub’.

So, I have two I like – swinging or group sex and dominance – but how I like and not in the general sense and I am not the submissive. And a few I like, but are not really a fetish as this person described… what are your thoughts on these ten sexual fetishes? Would love for you to tell me… if you dare.

Muah Sophia

How Sexually Curious Are You?

My last post I shared a few of the things I am curious about… I will be honest, that isn’t all I am curious about sexually, but why put too much out there right away… and I got some feedback… interesting feedback… but in the feedback, I never saw anyone say what their sexual curiosity is… I did find out what they thought of my sexual curiosity… but not theirs…

Am I surprised?

Not at all.

Yet, in their feedback on my sexual curiosity, I did gain some insight into their view of my curiosity… and you know what… it isn’t the same thing…I really wanted to know what their sexual curiosities were…

I also received a number of guys telling me… they wouldn’t mind doing some of what I mentioned… as long as humiliation wasn’t included… yet if I remember correctly, in my description of the things I love… I never mentioned humiliation… in fact, I wrote “I look at why I would like to have this little role of dominance towards men… and believe me, it is not the nasty mean type of dominance… but the sexy pushing of boundaries…”

So, that makes me curious why people tell me they got excited and yet, made a point to state no humiliation… and I made a point of saying… what I said…

It is a combination of things… and this of course is my own opinion… take it for what it is worth…

Domination scares and excites people… the degree of each is different for each person… but there is something I think in the fact that a woman wants to spend a lot of time focusing on bringing you both pleasure and pleasure from a bit of pain… and that pain is not stabbing you with needles or beating you senseless… but the pain of not being able to cum when you want to cum… but when I allow you to cum…

There is a great number of people, male and female that want to submit to someone and for many different reasons… many, many reasons… but sometimes, it is just fun… sometimes just to submit to a person and not have to have control or the ‘main’ bit of work sexually… or just to have someone focus on them and they can just participate… and sometimes… it is just because it is new and interesting and exciting…

Just like the choking thing… for me, since I hate anything on my neck… and one guy at a house party was very excited to be able to be near me that he kept choking me by wrapping his big hand around my neck to say hi, and other times just to be touching me… (hey buddy, here is a fucking clue… try the back or shoulders not the neck)… It freaked me out… told him each time to stop… other people told him to stop… and yet, the thought of someone (a particular someone) putting his hand on my neck while fucking me… turns me on… still can’t wear a scarf, tight necklace, or turtleneck… but I can feel very turned on and wet thinking about it… isn’t that funny…

And I am not really a submissive person… I think it is a problem only when someone demands I submit… but if it is more of a request to make their adventure with me even better… I am able to do it… with limitations… lots of limitations… because well, I am not really submissive… but I do like to make my partner expand their boundaries… and expand them in the manner I like… and I don’t do that with humiliation… I don’t need to… my gift is to find that desire, need, craving, interest… and well… this is an interesting topic… because of all the people giving me feedback… few have mentioned that they found that creepy…

I think the ability to get a person to jump on board with finding out more about your sexual curiosities – as in making them want to do them with you… I am seeing it is because I am not being degrading towards them… but in fact appealing to something inside of them… whether a desire to try something new, the desire to try it with me… or because it is a curiosity you have and may not have realized it until I mentioned it… humiliation is not necessary… unless that is your kink… and if it is… you probably won’t get that from me… unless… you send asinine texts to me… LOL

I have heard a number of sexual curiosities from guys along the way while we have texted… but I am asking today… how sexually curious are you? Do you find yourself wanting to try something new? Or are you stuck in your comfort zone of doing the same things all the time?

Just to clarify… you being stuck in your comfort zone is not necessarily a bad thing for you… it just may not be the most fun for you… and certainly not a partner you have for more than one time… which makes me wonder… do you keep doing the same old thing because you feel confident in your SOP or because you are afraid to venture out to try something else?

I will tell you what… writing what I did in my last post was scary for me… I was wondering what the reactions would be from those who read it… and that is very scary for a number of reasons… mostly because I was opening up an area of curiosity that is personal or private to me…

I stopped at this point to do some actual work and while I let it sit to figure out where I was going to go with this post, I posted a different one. It was a good thing I did.

Before finishing this post I received a comment and he wanted to share with me his experience exploring his curiosities as I called them. Here is his story.

When I was in high school I first had anal with a girl. It was great even though I did everything wrong for her. I didn’t think I needed lube and it was painful for her. She told me to stop. I was very interested in finding out how to do it so a girl would like it. Anal became my go to move with every girlfriend. I enjoyed it a lot. To the point where it was all I wanted to do really.

I wondered why I enjoyed anal this much and what it meant. I thought for sure that I was gay and having anal was how I was expressing my ‘gayness’. It wasn’t as if I was having anyone do anything to my ass.

Then I wondered how it would feel for me to have something in my ass. I started with my own finger and that was awkward to say the least. I then moved on to using smaller anal toys like anal beads. I loved the sensation but it really wasn’t enough. I started researching anal play on guy’s asses. I had a girlfriend at the time that was quite wild in the bedroom and she agreed to explore this with me.

We purchased a number of toys and she used them on me. The sensations were great, but there was something missing. I performed anal on her often. We went back to finding out if there was something more.

We learned about delayed orgasms. We incorporated anal into the delayed orgasms and she would peg me and I loved that feeling. My cock was in pain, blue balls hurt. Even intentional blue balls. I loved it when I finally was able to cum. It was all I could do to stay alert when I came it was so hard. I mean I nearly blacked out.

We explored more of the delayed orgasms and then moved onto the cage. I loved the feeling of the cage while she pegged me. The pain of having a cage on and my cock trying to get hard. The pain was incredible and it was pleasurable when I was able to cum.

I started to wear the cock cage for 24 to 36 hours at a time waiting for her to give me permission to come out of the cage. Urinating was challenging, but even that gave me a feeling a pleasure. I found I liked the denial of basic functions,  it was pleasurable, yet painful.

I would add silk panties to my wardrobe when I was wearing the cage. She didn’t really care if I did or not at first. But then it turned into a reason for her to laugh and make fun of me and I found I liked it. She found she liked the role she took on.

Over the course of our 7 year relationship thus far, I have turned into someone who I never thought I would, but someone I love to be when it is hidden behind my regular clothes and my job. I work in an office setting and am in upper management. I have a long day every day and am under a lot of stress to manage a large group of people, deal with a huge budget and very tight deadlines. I find comfort in the control I have given up to my girlfriend in this area.

None of my coworkers know that most days I am wearing a cock cage under my suit. None of my coworkers know that I wear silk panties. None of my coworkers know that I love being humiliated by my girlfriend. She is the sweetest, kindest, most giving person in the world. She is soft spoken and gentle… until we assume our roles. Then she lets out her dominate side and I submit to her willingly.

I still am a huge fan of anal. We have talked about having a guy come and fuck me in the ass while she directs us both as to what to do. I am very excited about that idea and we are always talking about what else we want to look into. We have other activities we do in these roles, but I will save that for another conversation another time. We do enjoy exploring anything that we are even a little curious about sexually. We talked after reading your post on sexual curiosity and decided we like that term better than kink.

Kink has a bad connotation sometimes. We like sexual curiosity as we have tried things we were curious about and didn’t like and never did it again. We found a lot more that we did like that we expanded on, so yes, a curiosity.

I hope you don’t mind us sharing with you our story. We really like reading your blog and think  you are our kind of girl. Max and Cindy

Well thank you Max and Cindy. I am glad you shared. I can see the path you took from it being a curiosity to being something you enjoy doing. I think my path to that area of curiosity is similar… but from a slightly different point of view…

Muah Sophia

Sexual Curiosity

Sexual curiosity… we all have it to some degree… and at times that degree varies and it also varies as to what you are curious about… We find ourselves wondering if our curiosity is normal or if there is something more one can do to obtain pleasure or if we push the boundaries a bit too much in our curiosity… we wonder if we should ever share our curiosities with others and if we will be judged harshly by our curiosities.

Yes, I am being purposely vague in defining curiosities… and that is because many people do not know what they should worry about with regards to how much they share and often they find themselves apologizing for sharing even if the person is not offended… they just don’t know if they should worry about the sharing as it opens themselves to scrutiny… Again, I apologize for the vague description… but I will rectify that right now.

When you talk about kink people often get bent out of shape when you mention what your kink is… they will judge you for even being curious about something and then they will share with you why your kink is wrong and how horrible it is… and then you find out what their kink is… and you think ‘holy shit Batman, you have some weird shit going on too’. Yet, is their kink worse than yours or better than yours…

I think as long as your kink does not violate children, pets, or other people without their consent… your kink is good if it is good in your eyes… if you are curious about your kink, then maybe you should investigate it…

I am very much interested in certain kink that tends towards the domination of men. I have wondered why I am interested in some of this kink… and it is not because I hate men. In fact, I enjoy men greatly… I love talking to men, kissing men, debating with men, snuggling with men, sucking men, being fucked by men… and well… there is something inside me that loves delayed orgasms with men… I love the idea and the practice of getting a man to be on the brink of cumming… and then stopping their orgasm before it happens… like mere moments… and seeing the physical reactions the man has when his orgasm is ‘ruined’ and ‘delayed’…

I love when a man’s orgasm has been delayed for so long that pre-cum steadily drips out of the head of his cock… and one slight touch could send them over the edge of orgasmic bliss…

I love to suck a guy off and after he cums… continue to suck on his cock when it is very, very sensitive… to the point where it is almost painful to endure anymore attention…

I love to have a guy be on the brink of cumming and stop any touch, mine or his to his cock… and letting his cock ‘work it out’ on its own… sweet torture for the guy to not be able to finish the process off…

Cages for a guy’s cock along with the delayed and ruined orgasms… yeah, those things excite me a great deal… the control over the guys cock… that I do love…

These are things that I love to do… to his cock…

There are also things that I love to do to his ass…

While anal play on a guy is not domination of the guy… pushing his limits in order to even consider anal play is a thrill of mine. I love to encourage with words how great it will feel… and I love to watch a guy go over the line of ‘this is not how I usually play’ when I use a toy or two on the guy…

I do love fucking a guy’s ass… there is a pure feeling of dominance that I enjoy… even if it is not done in the typical manner of dominance where there is belittling of the man… I am not into that… I have done it… but I am not really into that as much as knowing for that moment… his ass is mine.

I enjoy this part of my sexual curiosity a great deal… I enjoy when I get others to think of something they wouldn’t normally do with fresh and curious eyes… that is a thrill to me… and it is a kink…

I am not sure where it fits on the great map of kink… but I know it is there… my sweet little kink.

I look at why I would like to have this little role of dominance towards men… and believe me, it is not the nasty mean type of dominance… but the sexy pushing of boundaries… and even if it starts off with just ‘talking/texting’ about it… I love hearing how even when they are exploring this with their spouse or other partners… they love to share it with me… that they thought of me when doing it…

Ah, dominance even from a distance.

I am not playing mind games with them… I simply understand the art of building desire, want, and need in a person for something that no matter who else does it, they can’t seem to get the need taken care of unless it is with the person who put it there…

There is a fireman in a Western state who I text with and one time we were talking about what we felt was the riskiest thing we would do if we knew we would be okay doing it… I told him, I hate, absolutely hate anything tight on my neck… no scarf, no choker necklaces, no turtlenecks… nothing tight on my neck… but I have always wanted to have someone (and it has to be someone who is trained in life saving measures) to put pressure against my neck while fucking me… He began telling me how he would do it… He is a fireman and paramedic among other things… and I could see myself trusting him to do this… and when we discussed that sexual curiosity I can only see myself doing it with him… no one else…

Why? Because that desire, want and need for this sexual curiosity was built around him… Will I ever meet him? It is possible, but not likely… But if I do… I would want to try it with him… if I met another fireman/paramedic locally, I doubt I would even think to ask him if he would do it… because that particular sexual curiosity is built around this particular guy… no other guy would do.

This will be a lot shorter than most of my posts… and I am doing it on purpose… I would love to hear you tell me what your curiosities are of the sexual nature… I shared mine… you can share yours.

Muah Sophia

Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink Part Seven

Today’s post is a bit different as it is a list of kinks, fetishes, and so on…. just to give you another avenue to learn about kinks and yourself….

I found this list of kinks from  

Thought this was a good reference for us all…. I copied the entire list as is… but please note… this is from – giving credit where credit is due…. 

To celebrate all the wonderful, wacky and weirdness of love we have our ”Grab a paraphilia and some bishies and run with it” challenge.
Any bishie is up for grabs, any kink is up for grabs, the more of either or both the better. We`ll except fanart, photomanips, poems, ficlets, fics, rps, round robins just make sure you mention which kinks you have choosen and which bishies.
You can download the list as a txt file here, or in the channel from me.

Paraphilias in a relationship should always be approached in a safe sane and consensual way but since we`re talking fiction that becomes less of a requirement.

This is not a complete list and in no way covers all aspects of the listed kinks. Several were left off deliberatly and in no way do inclusions and or exclusions imply our condemnation or our approval.
If you`re writing a story that pushes the boundries of what would be healthy in a real relationship that`s alright. if you have another fetish not listed please feel free to use it as long as it does not deal with either child or animal abuse and you have a warning. please also note we reserve the right to remove anything without explanation

The list
note: in all cases these are extreme turn ons, instead of just things that one likes.

Ablutophilia – Baths or showers
Acomoclitic – Hairless genitals (see gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Acrophilia – High places
Acrotomophilia – Amputee partner
Acousticophilia – Aroused by sounds
Actirasty – Exposure to the sun’s rays
Agalmatophilia/Pygmalionism – Statues/manikins or immobility
Agonophilia – Pseudo-rape, pretend struggle or wrestling play as a form of foreplay
Agoraphilia – Sex in public places
Agrexophilia – Excitement from knowing that others are aware of a persons sexual activities
Algolagnia/Algalagnia – Love of pain
Allorgasmia – Fantasizing about someone other than one’s partner
Allotriorasty – Partners of other nations or races
Alphmegamia – Older men
Altocalciphilia – High heels (see retifism)
Alvinolagnia – Stomachs (see partialism)
Amaurophilia – Partner who is unable to see them during sex, blind/blindfolded sex partner
Anaclitism – Activities or items one was exposed to as an infant
Anasteemaphilia – Taller or shorter partners
Androidism – Robots with human features
Anophelorastia – Defiling or ravaging a partner
Antholagnia – Floral scent
Aphephilia – Being touched
Apotemnophilia – self-amputee
Arachnephilia – Spiders
Asphyxiophilia – Self-strangulation
Asthenolagnia – Weakness/being humiliated
Audiophilia – Recorded sound
Autagonistophilia – Exposing naked body or genitals to strangers while on stage, while being photographed
Autoassassinophilia – Staging one’s own murder
Autonephioplia – Diapers

Belonephilia – Pins/needles/sharp objects
Biastophilia – Violently raping their victims

Choreophilia – Dancing to orgasmic release
Chrematistophilia – Having to pay for sex or having a sex partner steal from them, being robbed
Chrysophilia – Gold or gold colored objects (see timophilia)
Claustrophilia – Being confined in a small space
Coprolalia – Using obscene language or writing
Coulrophilia – Clowns
Crurophilia – Legs
Crush fetishism – Seeing small creatures being crushed or being crushed
Dacryphilia – Seeing their partner cry
Dendrophilia – Trees or fertility worship of them
Doraphilia – Skin, animal fur, or leather (see hyphephilia)
Dracophilia – Dragons and serpents
Dysmorphophilia – Deformed or physically impaired partners (see teratophilia)
Ecouteurism – Listening to others having sex without permission
Electrophilia – Electricity
Endytophilia – Partners who are clothed
Erotographomania – Writing love poems or letters
Erotophonophilia – Lust murder
Exhibitionism – Showing genitals in public
Fetishism – An inanimate object
Fisting – pretty easy to figure out
Formicophilia – Sex play with ants
Frotteurism – Rubbing one’s genitals against or fondling the body parts of a non-consenting person
Gerontophilia – Partner whose age is that of different generation
Gynelophilous – Sight/touch of pubic hair (see acomoclitic, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Gymnophilia – Nudity
Gynemimetophilia – Male impersonating a female
Haematomania/Hematolagnia – Blood
Hamartophilia – Committing acts you consider to be sinful
Haptephilia – Becoming extremely aroused by being touched
Harmatophilia – Sexual incompetence/mistakes
Harpaxophilia – Being robbed or burglarized (see chrematistophilia)
Hierophilia – Sacred objects
Hirsutophilia – Armpit hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Hodophilia – Traveling
Homilophilia – Hearing or giving sermons
Hybristophilia – People who have committed crimes, people who are cruel/outrageous
Hygrophilia – Body fluids or moisture
Hyphephilia – Touching skin, hair, leather, fur, or fabric/specific fabric (see acomoclitic, doraphilia,gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Hypoxyphilia – Sexual arousal from the limiting or withholding of oxygen
Kainotophilia – Change
Kakorrhaphiphilia – Failure
Keraunophilia – Thunder and/or lightning
Kinesophilia – Exercise
Kleptophilia – Stealing
Klismaphilia – Being given an enema
Knismolagnia – Being tickled
Knissophilia – Incense
Kopophilia – Exhaustion
Macrogenitalism – Large genitals
Macrophilia – Giants
Masochism – Being dominated/humiliated
Mastigophilia – Punishment
Megalophilia – Large objects
Merinthophilia – Being bound
Metophilia – Another person’s face
Metrophilia – Poetry
Mysophilia – Filth/foul odors/decaying material
Narratophilia – Discussing sex with others
Nasophilia – Noses/nose (see partialism)
Neophilia – Anything new
Normophilia – Acts considered normal by their religion/society
Nyctophilia – Darkness or night
Ochlophilia – Being in a crowd
Oculophilia – Eyes (see partialism)
Oculolinctus – Licking their partner’s eyeball
Odaxelagnia – Biting/being bitten
Odontophilia – Tooth extractions/tooth fetish
Ophidicism – Reptiles
Ozolagnia – Powerful scents
Parthenophilia – Sex with virgins
Partialism – Specific parts of the body(see alvinolagnia, nasophilia, oculophilia, podophilia)
Pecattiphilia – Sinning/guilt
Pediophilia – Dolls
Phallophilia – Large penis/large penis fetish
Phobophilia – Fear/hate
Phygephilia – Being a fugitive
Pictophilia – Inability to become aroused without pictorial pornography
Plushophilia – Stuffed toys
Podophilia – Feet (see partialism)
Polyiterophilia – Sex with a series of partners
Psychrocism – Cold/ice
Pubephilia – Pubic hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, trichophilia)
Pygmalionis – Rubbing one’s body against a statue/statue/manikins
Pygophilia – Contact with the buttocks
Pyrolagnia – Watching fire
Pyrophilia – Fire or its uses in sex play
Retifism – Shoes (see altocalciphilia)
Rhabdophilia – Being flagellated
Robotism – Robots in sex play
Sadism – Dominating/mistreating/humiliating one’s partner
Salirophilia – Ingesting human sweat or saliva (fluids with a salt content)
Scatophilia – Obscene phone calls
Scopophilia – Being stared at oneself
Siderodromophilia – Trains
Sitophilia – Using food
Somnophilia – Fondling a stranger in their sleep
Spectrophilia – An image in an mirrors/sex with spirits
Stigmatophilia – Marking one’s own body/inserting foreign objects into it
Symphorophilia – Arranging a crash/disaster/explosion
Tantalolagnia – Teasing
Taphephilia – Being buried alive
Teratophilia – Deformed or monstrous people (see dysmorphophilia)
Thesauromania – Collecting women’s clothing
Thlipsosis – Pinching
Timophilia – Gold or wealth (see chrysophilia)
Transformation fetish – Depictions of transformations of people into objects/other beings
Trichophilia – Hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia,)
Triolism – Three-party sex
Troilism – Couples
Tripsolagnophilia – Massage
Urtication – Stinging nettles stimulating the skin
Vaccinophilia – Being vaccinated
Vicarphilia – Hearing stories about other people’s lives
Vincilagnia – Being tied up
Vorarephilia – Fantasies about being swallowed alive
Voyeurism – Watching others have sex
Xenophilia – Strangers
Zelophilia – Jealousy
Zwischenstufe – Person of the same sex

Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink Part Six

Well, this part is about….. well I am not sure just where this is going to go… I have an idea of what I want to talk about… it is just a matter of getting to that point….

And that may be the point of all this… how do you bring up the subject of your kinks on a practical manner…. a way to do it so it is not scary…

And this is important to note… it is essential to talk about the kinks… to actually share about their kinks…

I tested this out… I have over the last few days/weeks/months ask people what their kinks are…. and they will tell how many they have.. and hint at them.. but not be able to actually voice them…

I get this.. and yet… I don’t get this…

Doesn’t anyone wonder why people do not talk about their kinks with others who have kinks as well…

How do you get to the point of sharing their kinks with others if they won’t talk about it?

Here are a few scenarios I have run across….

1. The other person just begins to ‘force’ their kinks on you. Now the ‘force’ is in quotes for a reason. I am not talking about and all out forcing in a horrific way… but they will still do their kinks on you without your agreement…

Let me tell you the story of our first swap…. we were newbies in every sense of the word. We had only decided this is what we wanted to do 7 days before. then we met with a couple for a three hour dinner…. we listened to him and her but mostly him all the things they like and don’t like… thumb rings and toe rings would have ended the play before it happened… REALLY… so we, hubby and I… but largely me… decided to share what we like and don’t like….. I told him I do not like being called a whore or slut. I do not like my hair pulled or bitten. That was really the only thing that I didn’t like and were really not tolerated.

Fast forward to us sitting on their sofa and him FINALLY making his move…. he bites my arm. My hair was in a hair clip and he buries his fingers in my hair and pulls me by the hair to his cock. I pull my head back up to the sitting position and shook my head in the NEGATIVE fashion. We move on to more fun things… we get up and go to the bedroom and he begins to say what I give him the benefit of the doubt was supposed to turn me on… “I want my little whore to fuck me hard.” Nope, not working for me…. “Does my little whore want 5 or more men to fuck her at one time?” Here is the problem… I, Sophia would enjoy having 5 or more men fucking me at one time… but not while being called a whore…. So I whisper in his ear…. “Stop calling me a whore, it is drying me up faster than the Sahara.” Four more times he calls me a whore…. I stop all action happening and since I was riding him, he realized that maybe he shouldn’t call me a whore….

So you know what he does…. he bites my arm again… WTF dude!

Immediately after biting me he grabs my hair to pull me down on his cock….

Seems words didn’t work with him… So, I did what I thought seemed reasonable… he likes biting right?

See if you can figure out what I did…..

If you thought… ‘surely she doesn’t mean she bit his cock?’

Well sweetie, that is exactly what it means… not hard enough to draw blood but he got the picture… when he bites me I will bit him back. Oddly enough, he stopped biting me….

He had his kinks but never asked me what mine are… of if it is possible for him to explore his with me…

In fact, he was told that those three things are things I SPECIFICALLY DO NOT LIKE!

In this case, it is one of those things you scream WTF ASSHOLE….. I specifically tell him that I do not like those things and he thought he could just do them…

Here is the thing… I do not like my hair pulled…. this past weekend on a couple of occasions my hair was pulled… I allowed it to happen and didn’t say anything largely because I wondered if because I was hugely attracted to this man if this was something that would be of interest or pleasure for me…. because it was with him….


It just hurts….

I derive such pleasure from having someone ‘play’ with my hair… I have been known to get very excited and when it is combined with a back rub or other parts of my body rubbed I have been known to cum without my pussy even being touched… and if my ass is rubbed, tickled or otherwise paid attention too… very hard orgasm…

But having my hair pulled only hurts me…

I don’t know if it is because I have chronic pain… as in every damn day I am in pain… I have chronic hives/itching… and my insurance company wants me to have a fybro diagnosis… which I won’t get… Pain is pain and it is not sexual to me…. it is a not a turn on for me….

But oddly enough… a few spanks on my ass with your hand… a huge turn on for me…. must be that ass thing again….

The soft and sensual touches on my body will render me submissive to you… but taking me by force or dominance… doesn’t work…

When I am being fucked… hard and fast is my favorite… so it isn’t like I don’t or can’t tolerate being fucked hard and need to have sex reminiscent of ‘love making’… I just don’t like to feel pain when having sex for the sake of having sex… like hair pulled or bitten to the point where it leaves a painful mark…

Now those little bites as you are kissing me… and it doesn’t really feel like a bite… yeah that feels good….

I cannot tell you how many times people have tried to insinuate their kinks on me or others I have been around or talked to…

And sometimes if there was a bit of communication about the kinks…. and when I say communication.. I mean talking where one person speaks and the other listens and then the other person talks and the first person listens….and they take the information shared and put it into practical use…

Well, hot damn… that is really something that many can get into…. talking about kinks and having someone listen to them…

Can you imagine a conversation like this……

Scott: “I really like pulling a woman’s hair when I fuck her. I am not sure why I do… but when a girl has long hair and I pull it into a pony tail and then hold on while I fuck her… it makes me so hard and the orgasm so good.”

Sophia: “You know, I don’t really like my hair pulled while having sex. Actually, don’t like my hair pulled at any time.”

Scott: “Oh, have you ever had your hair pulled while having sex?”

Sophia: “Not on purpose. But it really doesn’t appeal to me.”

Scott: “Well, are you opposed to trying it?”

Sophia: “I don’t know… what if you did it and I didn’t like it?”

Scott: “All you have to say is STOP. I will stop.”

Sophia: “How hard would you pull my hair?”

Scott: “I can’t really say how hard because I am not sure how it will feel for you, but I can just hold it loosely in the beginning and then begin to pull a bit more or tighter… and if it gets to a point where the pain is unbearable.. I can loosen it up again or just let go”

Sophia: “You promise?”

Scott: “Yes, I do. I want this to be fun for both of us.”

So Scott and Sophia start making out and it progresses… He decided to move slowly into the hair pulling thing by simply gathering all her hair while kissing her… she can get used to him touching her hair and gathering it into the position for him to pull at a later time… he wraps his hands in her hair and gives a gentle pull…. she moans because that she likes…

He starts to get a gauge of what her likes and levels of like is on this hair pulling thing…. he pulls her hair just a bit more and still another moan of pleasure…

He then let’s the hair alone and starts to move his action to other parts and builds up an intensity with her…. she is really wanting him and he really wants her… she is wet and ready for more action… he slides into her, her hot core building the need in him… setting his cock on fire for her… he moves her to her knees and she has her hands and knees spread to hold her weight as he rubs his cock over her folds, slamming lightly against her clit… she moans her pleasure… begs for him to fuck her and he starts to gather her hair… lightly as he promised… and then he wraps his hands a bit harder around her pony tail… he pulls her head back a bit… she moans her pleasure… he thrusts into her pussy hard like she likes it…

She is thrusting against his hips in time with his…. he pulls her hair a bit more… he then asks if this is okay for her… is it still good for her….

She says it is…

He pulls and pounds in sync… and then suddenly it is a bit too much for her… the hair pulling… he loosens it up a bit for her. She moans thank you and begs him to pound harder….

It is possible to talk to someone about a kink before ‘forcing’ a kink on someone… and it is possible to introduce your kink to someone and be understanding that it isn’t theirs and let them try it out… within their limits/boundaries… and they can decide if it is something they like… or not…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….


Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink Part Five

I often wondered if anyone knows how to approach others about their kinks… I asked the other day on chat at two different times… two different crowds… got a lot of answers and most of them were the same but worded a bit differently…. but they were the same…

People rarely talk about their kinks and even more rarely do so in a face to face setting… WHY NOT?


Pure and simple… and we are not talking anything to extreme.. but the simple bits of kink….


They feel there is something wrong with admitting they have a kink…..


They pass judgment on others so they know others will pass judgement on them….

But what would happen if they shared their kinks anyways…. didn’t worry about the fear, shame, or judgment?

I have a story… I know you are not surprised I have a story…. I have had a good number of experiences and I love to share… good thing huh? At least for this blog….

I had been chatting in main chat with this particular fellow and one day he private chats me. He starts opening up about himself and his ‘kink’…. OMG… this turned me on… and here is the honest truth as to why it turned me on….

And when I say turned me on… I am talking about a whole body reaction…

My brain was engaged…

My breasts were fully engorged…

My heart was beating so very fast….

My body tingled…

My pussy was quivering and oh so wet….

Every part of my body was reacting to what he was writing…

Why did this turn me on?

He CHOSE me to share it with….

He TOLD me these secrets…

He SHARED with me details and pictures and OMG….

He INCLUDED me into the fantasy he wove as he explained it to me…

I wanted him, his kink, and I wanted to participate….

I wanted to participate with him and with others….

I wanted to participate with my hubby… which meant I needed to share this with my hubby and I wanted him to want it too….

He did… I was so happy…

It was something I found very hot, very interesting, and something I wanted to know more about….

What I also found out through all of this exploration was how much there was out there that I wanted to try and learn and do….

I found out a lot about me… who I was sexually and how it was a side of me… not all of me…

That is the thing I think many wonder about.. if they give into this kink or any kink does it have to consume your whole life? Does it make you different? Does it make you odd?

The answer to those questions are easy to answer if you want to be honest…. and that is often the key… how honest do you want to be…

If you own who you are… kinks and all… there is nothing to fear…. self acceptance is critical…. now mind you… when I say nothing to fear…. that does not mean shout it off the rooftops at work… or at church… you will not likely receive a positive reception from everyone…

But when I say own who you are… I mean be okay with who you are… how you are… and what you need. It is so important that you accept you and what you are before you can expect anyone to accept you… and your kinks…

Now, if your kink is way outside the normally accepted kinks… you may have a bit of a problem convincing others to accept that kink… let’s say you enjoy anal sex and wiping any feces on your cock on the upper lip of your partner… (yes, that is a kink dirty Sanchez is what it is called and not one of mine)… you may have a little more difficulty finding others who will participate in this kink… Please know that you should not attempt this particular kink without proper notice and approval of the person who will receive such a surprise…. this may be some thing you want to discuss slowly with others…

Maybe find out what they like and do not like… what they will or will not accept… some tell you right off the bat… NO POTTY PLAY… and well, that would be potty play… a nice way of saying… no shit play of any type….

But that does not mean you should feel bad about your kink… Own it.. it is your kink… but find a place to use this type of play with those who are receptive of it… rather than inflicting a person to the kink unsuspecting…

For some… anal sex alone is a kink that is on the verge of potty play that they do not want to venture… and I get that…. but there are many things you can do to prepare for anal sex that will eliminate (no pun intended) some of the risk of feces in the play area…. and that is a part of owning your kink… finding out what is needed to make this kink fantasy a reality and one that will be accepted…

Okay, let’s say that you took time to prepare for anal sex and well I am sorry I just have to say this… SHIT HAPPENS…. guess what? When you stick something into someone’s ass that is a risk… sometimes the prep work was spotless (Sorry not meaning to be funny)… but during the heat of the moment… when the feelings of good times causes all kinds of things to be stimulated… it does mean that your umm bowels may be as well… it is okay…. it happens… I would just remember to prepare the area properly by using an old blanket or what have you in case of a smear or mark….

I am sure you are wondering why on earth am I going into all these gross details about shit and anal sex…

Because it is a part of owning what you do…

If you cannot understand that shit happens when you have anal sex sometimes then you are not owning your kink… you are not able to honestly look at your kink and prepare for your kink and all that goes along with it…

Until you can talk about the ‘ugly’ details of a kink… you may not be ready for your kink…

And that goes for any and all kink… like swinging… if you can’t figure out that at some time or other someone will have hurt feelings… or the sex for one is better than the sex for the other half of a couple… well…. damn… maybe you need to review what own it means…

Well, enough for now… sure hope many of you weren’t reading this while enjoying a meal…. sorry… should have put a warning label on it…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….


Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink Part Four

What do we believe about ourselves largely defines what we do… sometimes we are open to new things but often we are happy to remain where we are… it is comfortable… it is what we know… it is safe…

But is safe what we really want to have everyday of our lives? For a good number of people who identify as swingers… numbers unknown because it is a ‘secret’ activity for most… they have moved passed their comfort zone to play out their kink – their desires… and that is essential for everyone to understand… if you swing you are exploring a kink…

Not every kink has to do with BDSM… and that is a misconception out there…

Ever have a fantasy… love vampire erotica… your favorite vibe… (rabbit is mine…Hitachi also a good one)… thought a guy in a kilt looks hot…. wanted to have sex with someone from another race…. anal sex… threesomes…. phone sex with your spouse, partner, boy/girl friend…. used whipped cream…. wet t-shirt competitions, porn, a party in college where sex happened and others were in the room with you…. not wearing panties in public and flashing those who cared to look…. see where this is going….

Kinks are out there in a variety of forms and fashion but most of us do not see using whipped cream on a nipple as a kink…

But it goes further than that… have you ever said you are a ‘tit man’ or ‘I love a guy’s ass’ or its their eyes that get me… for me it is often their smile… pantie melting for sure…. those are kinks…

Now I am sure someone out there is saying.. ‘darling (fantasizing it is a cowboy saying this to me), aren’t you confusing preferences with kinks?’

Oh my sweet and hot cowboy… nope….

Nope as in Kinks and Preferences are the same thing in a broad sense of the definition… most of us are just not willing to say the word kink because a lot of people immediately think of BDSM and that is not all that kinks are about….

Preferences often describe the kinks we have in us…. here is the best example I can think of…. a personal one…

I am not a submissive person in the traditional BDSM way of thinking of submissive… do not order me to do something.. I will not do it…

But if I find a guy who will ‘find’ out how to get me to do what they want… I will submit to them… but they still cannot tell me what to do… but because of the interplay that begins… I will do just about anything they want to do… and they often let me do the same… to them.

In this sense.. I have found that I will submit to a man who has in essence submitted to me first… and that led me to realize that I like to have a bit of control over men… and then I learned that I like to know that I have the power to make men want me… and want me as in get hard when they think of me… as in whether or not I am actively trying to get them hard they will get hard and then they will let me know they thought of me and got hard and that turns me on because I have control of this little part of a guy and even though they are strong, masculine, hot men… they want me and their body will get hard thinking of me… and wow what a turn on… and then if we meet and play and they wanted to do something that is out of my comfort zone I would do it because they are in fact just as unable to control their desire for me as I am for them….

But in all this talk of control… there is never any humiliation or degradation… it is simply a matter of trust and handing over control to gain control to hand it over again and then get it again and so on and so forth….

I am a person who likes to have and give control but not if there is anything humiliating about it…. that is one of my main kinks….

Now that I know this about me… I found that I enjoy different aspects of controlling (some call it being a dom – but I don’t like that as often it is assumed that a woman domming (is that a word) a man, calling him a sissy, being mean about his cock, his abilities, comes with it)….

For me… I like a man who is strong mentally and physically…. I want that man to want me so much that he will submit to me to get me to submit to him….

I have looked all over the Human Sex Map  to find where that dynamic is located… it isn’t… not as I have described… but that doesn’t mean that isn’t my kink…. that it isn’t a valid kink… it just means that the dynamic is not spelled out on a map…

And you know what… I doubt I am alone… maybe not on that particular kink but in general there are many who have variations of kink that they have yet to investigate….

As I sorted stated talking about… knowing this kink about me has caused me to look at a lot of the relationships I have with different people in my sexually social adventure… and the dynamic is there in all of them… but it is not as if I have screamed it out…

Now, if my kink was to tie a man up and pour wax on his cock and balls… I think I would talk to him about it first….  but for me… I did not realize this kink was a kink until I started talking with a friend…. he is a lot like me and when we talked about some of this stuff and realized that we had this in common it started to click for me… It started to make sense why I enjoyed this to a point….

With some men it has gone to a point where the fun has left because instead of submitting to me so I will submit to them….they took a different approach… they were like a little lost puppy… I found that a turn off… and I found myself in a mode that I wanted to end the relationships however defined… because they did not make me submit to them… they remained submissive to me…

I didn’t like it… I wanted and do want a man to take charge with me… but not ordering me to do something…

Here is a dialogue of what I find sexy and not sexy….

“Sophia, you make me want you.” He says that as he is kissing me hard and passionately… his hands are roaming from my hair to my breasts to my ass….

“God, you kiss good…I want to feel your mouth on my cock, I know you will make me feel so good, by the way you kiss me”…. I am undoing his pants while he is still kissing me and telling me these words…. I can’t wait to get his cock in my mouth…..

“I love how you take charge of my cock” as I am bringing that cock in and out of my mouth in a heated frenzy…..

And at that moment… the control of the situation is flowing between us both.. when I need to take control of his body I have the power to do so… but when he is in need of owning my body… he has complete ownership….

Not so sexy to me….

“You need to suck my cock good” I just stand there thinking WTF?

“You are my whore.” I am thinking of how to disengage and walk away… where are my panties again?

“I am going to teach you how to be mine”…..I should apologize now for kicking you in the balls…..

Nothing is going to happen that he hopes… I am not ashamed to admit it won’t work for me… I am not a girl who likes to be called a slut or whore….

I do not like my hair pulled in the direction of your cock… I will go to your cock willingly… do not force me to…. maybe your kink but not mine…

And isn’t that really what the problem is… when someone has a kink… they think everyone they play with has to follow that kink…

Instead of actually talking to people you are going to have sex with about things that really matter… they focus on all kinds of stupid shit… like how they need a HWP person to be friends with… or how they have to have someone who is shaved or how they can do oral like a champ… or other mundane and doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things


They will fail to tell you that they can only get hard if they are touching your ass or fucking you in the ass… yep, happened to me….

Or they fail to tell you that they HAVE to call you whore to get off… again… happened to me….

Or they have to bit your CLIT… WTF was that guys problem…. again… happened to me…

Or they have to watch their spouse the entire time you and him are having sex in order to have sex… however the wife doesn’t look over at him once…. again… happened to me….

These are things that people need to start talking about… share your kinks… share your preferences.. share your sexual needs… why is this a good thing to surprise your partner with….

I think that is why I am writing about kinks… so that others will see what theirs are… and it will start dialogues… and dialogue is a good thing….

Well, writing this in advance and today is the day of our first LS guest to stay in our home… got lots of things to do… so can’t wait…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….


Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink Part Three

I have throughout my sexually social adventure found myself learning a great deal about myself….

as I said in the first part… some of what I have found out is not sex related…. but me as a person… and I blame it on kink…. That is said tongue in cheek as it is not a bad blame but rather it is a happy blame as I discovered something great about myself…. 
Largely sexual freedom… yes, sexual freedom that has made me a better person… let me see if I can explain this and how it matches up with kink, finding your kink, exploring your kink or asking what defines kink….. 
When you are turned on by something… in this case as I am a swinger… having sex with other people besides my husband… and you have the freedom to explore and that frees up your mind…. frees it from guilt, anxiety, and other emotions that clogs up your brain and makes you feel like you are doing something wrong…. 
I can enjoy my swinging activities and partners because it is fulfilling my sexual desires… my sexual needs.. I crave variety and swinging (kink) provides that for me… 
But that is not all that I crave… I am not sure how to explain it to others where it makes sense… some of my kinks because when I mention a kink someone will automatically decide that my kink needs to go one way or another rather than my way… and that is I believe the hardest thing about finding your kink and letting others know about it… is if those you tell understand they have to listen to what you are saying rather than assuming what you mean, or assuming the role you will take, or assuming they know you better than you know yourself…. 
I believe it is possible for others to see something in you that you are not able to see about yourself…. I get that because I have been a social worker in the mental health field… I was trained to notice things.. I was trained and put into practice skills and knowledge to watch and learn… and by doing just that I can pick up on what people are like and likely to do… however, that does not mean I know everything about them… I have insight… but to really know that person… I have to ask them… I have to listen to them… I have to be willing to LEARN…. and many do not do that… 
And that is sad… but it isn’t rare… in fact it is sadly very common… very disappointing that it is very common… 
On chat one night I was talking in private chat with a female friend… she is very kinky and I say that with great respect for her… she has made it known that she is into BDSM and she is also into having a separate boyfriend and/or girlfriend… in many ways… we have a lot of similarities… but instead of assuming we are alike in all ways… I know that we have many more differences than similarities. That is what I love about her… I can learn about her and myself by having a conversation with her… and that is the key CONVERSATION WITH HER… not at her…. or about her… but with her… we can ask questions and defer to each other’s advice… we can see what we need to do to accomplish a task/goal/wishlist item… we have built respect between each other… 
We have also noticed that so many people fail to hear us when we speak… she likes BDSM whereas I really don’t…. when I am confronted with talk of it… I will listen and learn… but I have no desire to have nipple clamps or suction cups placed on my breasts…. and I am not talking about saying no without trying… several people have tried it on me… enough to say that I have no interest in nipple clamps… I only feel pain and it hurts… I derive no sexual pleasure from it… I hurt… plain and simple. The suction cup things feel like the suction from the breast pump… and that hurt like hell too… and if it wasn’t for the fact that it helped feed my babies… I would not have tolerated that either… I didn’t go around using my breast pump for sexual fun… it is not my thing.. 
I have tried it with several people…. and even after explaining it and telling them just what I mentioned above… I am constantly told that if I relaxed more I would enjoy it… if I embraced the pain more I would enjoy it… but the kicker comes when they ORDER ME to do it… 
Seriously… I am so not submissive in that manner… you cannot order me to do something and to have a threat of a spanking or told I am being a bad girl… I laugh in your face… I am not submissive in that manner… I have trouble while in church being told to turn to my neighbor and say “HOWDY NEIGHBOR”… that isn’t what I would normally say to people so don’t tell me to say that… 
So when someone goes on and on about the need for me to do something under the threat of punishment… I roll my eyes… and do not complete the plan… I fail to see why they won’t listen to me… I am NOT SUBMISSIVE….

I have kinks but that is not one of them…. please hear that and stop thinking I suddenly will… I won’t… it is not my kink…

I am also not one that does well with humiliation or humiliating others… but when I tell them of something that I am interested in finding out more about… well.. for example… the idea of denial of a man is interesting to me… it appeals to me…. the teasing of a guy to get them to the point of needing to cum but not letting him cum…. just yet… well, that is a great thrill for me… but not when I would have to call him a sissy, or degrade him in any way… I enjoy the thrill of the situation… getting a man hard and very horny… ready to erupt but not being able to cum… and sometimes that is because they are working… not because they don’t deserve to cum or they have to be degraded before they can cum… 
But so often that is the assumption and that is the attitude the others seem to take… talking about playing with a male chastity device does not necessarily mean degrading him… it means to me, not letting him cum and having a helluva good time teasing him… the denial of sexual gratification to me is a thrilling thing to do to a man… but not by humiliating him… but by making him want to cum so bad but he can’t…. in the same token… having him suffer a ruined orgasm… not as a manner to humiliate but to play and explore… 
I have to ask… why does everyone assume everyone else is just like them???? Have to do things just the same exact way???? Have the same motivations as they do???? 
Sometimes I want to scream…. I AM NOT YOU… STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME BE LIKE YOU?????? 
I don’t necessarily want to do everything like you…. do not try to talk me into it… do not try to pressure me to be like you… do not try to force me to be like you…. 
I am not like you and my desires to investigate this stuff is not like yours… I can make it however I want… so just stop….

But there are some that remain steadfast in the belief that if you do not kink exactly like them then you are doing something wrong… and that cannot be more incorrect…. doing your kink your way is allowed…

I was told that if you share your kink – your way and it is different than the way most do it you will not have anyone to do it with….  I challenge that statement…. what if.. what if… what if… you did mention you (male) like to use a chastity device (male) but you aren’t really into the humiliation portion of it… but love the idea of denial… and you shared that and the person (female) you took the chance on sharing it with found that highly erotic… a huge turn on… something she wanted to be party to and it spoke to her because she likes the idea of that but without the humiliation aspect….

That does happen… it happened to me… and because of this sudden awaking to a new kink in my life… I shared it with hubby…. and it has been mentioned to some others and I found that they would/are interested in this as well… some of them are into other areas of it that I am not… but there are several others that would be willing to delve into this as long as it wasn’t about humiliation – verbal degrading them…. 

But sometimes like many of us believe…. we will be laughed at or rejected because of our kink… And that may be the main reason most do not share their kinks with others… the fact that many in the lifestyle or sexually social adventures or whatever term you use to define your sex life… do not share their kinks is because people just will not listen to you when you try to define your kinks as they are but they are ignored because you are to be a certain way…. 
So where does this rant lead us… it leads us back to my friends I mentioned in yesterday’s post… 
“your kink is my Saturday night” and “kink is whatever takes you out of your comfort zone”…. 
It has to be your kink your way… and that starts by first vocalizing your kinks to yourself… and to your partner…. 
But if you do not know what your kinks are and you cannot admit them to yourself… then you will not have the confidence to stand up for your kinks your way…. 
A forum post about kinks on Kasidie took off in a bad way when someone said that to them anal is a kink… and someone with more kink experience said that anal isn’t a kink…. 
Well, it is… if it is something that is out of your comfort zone it is a kink…. there is no shame in trying it… or defining it… or deciding it is not your kink….

Last night on chat… I mentioned the Human Sex Map and that I found out by finding out what some of the kinks listed are about… I was grossed out… suddenly there were comments about judging people…. I was not judging… I simply said that there are some kinks that gross me out… Never was a single kink mentioned that grossed me out…just that I researched some and some grossed me out… I made a statement last night that I am going to mention it here… there is a difference between being grossed out and judging….

It is okay if a kink turns you off, grosses you out, or otherwise makes itself known to you that it is not your kink… knowing what turns you on and what does not turn you on is not a bad thing… IT IS A GOOD THING…. knowledge is a good thing… knowing what the names of certain kinks mean and if you are willing to do those things… IS A VERY GOOD THING…. let’s say you draw the line at playing with feces… you understand that anal sex has a chance of having ‘feces’ involved and are okay with that… you are even okay with rimming a man or a woman… but you are not okay with the purposely using feces as part of your sex play… there is nothing wrong with knowing where the line is… and what those kinks that use feces as a part of the play is… so if they suggest it.. YOU KNOW what it is you are venturing into…. ATM is not just a money machine and dirty Sanchez may not be what you really want to venture into…. 

Embrace your kinks… it is just as much a part of you as your other quirks in every other part of life… 
Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…. 

Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink Part Two

Over the course of this series on kink I will reveal a bit more of my own kinks and I really hope that you will also reveal a bit more of your kinks to yourself and to your partner(s)….. It is a time of discovery and acknowledgement of your kink….

Which leads me to this small PSA (public service announcement) or is it a disclaimer… or both…… I feel this is important to state and get out of the way…..

There are some kinks that are less accepted by society… I am not one to judge another person’s kink as I am just beginning to explore some of mine… There are a few areas that I have no interest in pursuing or even witnessing… I have no desire to experience a donkey punch, jelly doughnut, or really anything that has to deal with using feces as a part of a sex act… I have no real desire to be tied up or dealing with humiliation at the hands of a dom….as a matter of fact… the role of submissive is not mine….I have no desire to have sex WITH an automobile or animal…. or a person acting like an animal…. but please make no mistake about my opinion about exploring your kink…. it is your kink and you should investigate it to the fullest extent of what you want….. BUT….if your kink involves children…. I have a problem with that…. I am not, will not, now or ever condone a kink that involves children….

I firmly believe that if you explore your kink it is with consenting adults ALWAYS… so if your kink involves children…. that violates that rule…… and in most locations  world wide violates the law….

So on to the more interesting part of this post now that I have made that disclaimer…..

How do you start finding your kink? I love referring people to the Human Sex Map. When I first began our sexually social adventure I was referred to this site…. it is a great resource to see what is considered kink and the many varieties of kink that are out there….

I will tell you the truth… while getting familiar with the Human Sex Map I also got very familiar with Urban Dictionary and Google Search…. there are many things I did not know, kinks, terms, and labels…. I admit I had no clue on some of this… but I can say I have learned so much since this began.
 And I have realize what kinks I don’t have, won’t have, and that is just as good as finding the ones you do have…..

Last night on chat on Kasidie a friend stated she loves this quote “your kink is my Saturday night.” It wasn’t the first time I heard that… but it was a reminder that everyone is different about what one believes is a kink is a normal avenue of play for others….

Another friend stated that his definition of kink is anything that is outside your comfort zone….

I cannot put the entire map on here… but I will cut and paste a few sections of it as it applies here…. you really should check it out… even if you don’t want to explore your kinks… or any new kinks… it is nice to see where you are at… because if you are reading this blog… sweetie you have a kink….

Here is one example….. Writing….

Yep, writing erotica, texting sexy little texts to friends and sex blogging is on the map…. 
And well since this blog is about my sexually social adventure also known as swinging…. 
Yep, there it is…. can you believe it???? I know… it is one of those things…. seems logical…. having sex with others while with your spouse would be rather kinky…. 
I thought it may be time to define kink by someone other than me…. here is the Wikipedia definition

In human sexuality, kinkiness or kinky (adjective), is a term used to refer to a playful usage of sexual concepts which are overt, accentuated, unambiguously expressive of sexuality. The term derives from the idea of a “bend” (cf. a “kink”) in one’s sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with “straight” or “narrow” sexual mores and proclivities. The term “kink” has been claimed by some who practice sexual fetishism as a term or synonym for their practices, indicating a range of sexual and sexualistic practices from playful toobjectifying and paraphilic.
Kink sexual practices go beyond what are considered conventional sexual practices as a means of heightening the intimacy between sexual partners. Some draw a distinction between “kink” and “fetishism”, defining the former as enhancing partner intimacy, and the latter as replacing it.[1] Because of its relation to “normal” sexual boundaries, which themselves vary by time and place, the definition of what is and is not kink varies widely as well.

Urban Dictionary has this… Noun – kink – Plural – kinks As in “a kink”. sexual tastes for a person. Usually a kink is an unusual taste in sexual behaviour. 

Well, having a unusual taste in sexual behavior is not an indication of mental illness according to the DSM V (American Psychiatric Association puts this out)…. read the article here….
What that article tells us… in case you didn’t want to check it out on your own… if you are okay with your kinks…. as it is not causing you mental anguish…. you are not mentally ill….. which is good news…. 
So that means… we can and should explore our kinks to see what it is we want to do sexually to increase interest, desire, fulfillment… with our spouses or partners… depending on your situation…. 
Sometimes our kinks do not match up to our spouses… sometimes our kinks do not match up with our partners…. 
And sometimes our kinks do… but we don’t know that because we do not talk about them – our wants, desires, kinks to explore because we are afraid to expose that part of ourselves…. 
Believe me that is true… 
Hubby and I talked last night about yesterdays post and where the future posts were going to go… and he mentioned that sometimes it is scary to admit that something that many do not see as a ‘normal’ kink is something they want to do… or the fact that they want to try it only with their spouse because their spouse wants to do it…. 
It doesn’t change the thought  process many have that if they admit to having these kinks or willingness to explore kinks that they are some how less than normal… less than ideal… yet, that isn’t how it really is… 
There is something refreshing to know that the person you are married too wants to do something more than missionary position – standard missionary position… 
But it is more than just missionary position.. it is the willingness to explore… to test the waters… to see what their desires are.. and how to address those desires…. to me that is very sexy… very much a turn on… to know that my husband is moving along in the sexual adventure with me… that our kinks are not the same and wow is that a good thing… we can explore many different things within our marriage and because we are also on a sexually social adventure… we can explore that with others… 
Which leads to the question, how do you share your kinks with others…. and how do you know when the time is right, how receptive they are to hearing it, and if they will be open to your kinks even if not asking them to participate… but in general conversation… how do you discuss it to find others who will participate in your kinks….. 
I think that is the question to discuss tomorrow….. 
Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…. 

Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink

I am not sure where this is going… but it is a topic that I have been thinking about seeing where it goes…. I know that there has always been a little bit of kink in me… but I am not sure how it manifested… and what I felt was kinky then is not necessarily kinky now… and where my mind has been going towards lately seems even kinkier than what I first started with…. but even when I describe kinky now and kinky then… it is not the same as the kinky others who share the similar kink may do their kink…. and I think that is critical to note… that there is something else that needs no rules… as in we can all do our kink our way and it does not make it bad… it does not make it better or worse than anyone else… it just makes us… us….

This may be a multiple part topic…. I don’t know if it can be contained in one post… or if it should be…. and where I begin this topic on Kink may not seem like Kink… but it illustrates a thought process that may or may not be common… or acknowledged in general… but it is mine and I am going with it… and by the way kink may not be considered a way to describe bisexuality by many… however it is to some because it is not within their normal experience of sexual activity therefore it is a kink…

But no matter what you describe bisexuality… this is the first part of my thought process on finding your kink, exploring your kink, or asking what defines kink… and it is in some ways my process of understanding this and making it make sense to me… hopefully it will make sense to you…. or at least help you make sense of your sexuality and kink…

When I was a little girl…. I experienced what many would call a traumatic childhood… but at the same time my life appeared very normal…. I remember having a bit of exploration with a friend who lived across the street… she and I touched each other, kissed each other… and when I say touched each other…. we included what were very tiny breasts and yes our ‘privates’. It was at her house, I was spending the night, she was a year younger than me….. it was also her idea. I was about 12 years old…. while some would say this is normal in the development of one’s sexuality… exploration is normal and in many cases girls exploring girls in this manner is a turn on…. it made me wonder about a number of things… first of all where do I fit in – in this realm of sexuality because of my childhood… am I odd, wrong, bad, or an adventurer without realizing it…. could I accept it or should I accept it… these arguments took place often in my head… and I pushed many of these thought deeper into the recesses of my brain to keep myself from having these thoughts… of course it didn’t work.. it caused me to worry… am I normal?

I was raised in a dysfunctional family with heavy emphasis on religion but at the same time enough ‘sin’ happening in the home that I did not know what to expect from my family… I found my path and stayed on that path as best as I could…. but that brought a number of convicted thoughts and sometimes that led to guilt… yes, I felt guilt about exploring what seemed natural… exploring our body’s together… but I will not try to rationalize it… defend religion or blast religion… we all have our beliefs and that is not what this is about…. but the point I would like to make here is that I felt that exploring a girl was both natural for me and bad for me…. I was born in 1969 and when this happened it was in the early 80s. And any type of homosexuality at that time was not a good thing… yes, people were open about homosexuality in the 80s but not as much… and not as accepted… and this is not a debate about homosexuality and acceptance…. It is simply my thoughts from an age I was and the situation I am now in…. and to be honest… I did not understand bi-sexuality, largely because I was just learning really about my own sexuality… boys… and well…. this girl/girl experience was a bit odd….but good… but odd… but good… see how that is… conflicting feelings sometimes…

I often wondered if I was naturally interested in girls or if I was turning to girls because of things in my childhood, or if I was just curious because I could be curious…. and to be honest… I often thought it was a equally divided situation between the three….

I had attended an all-girl Southern Baptist College in a southern state….. I was hit on by many girls (well technically adults) but never pursued anything because of my conflicting emotions…  I have often wondered for a long time, where do I fit in with all this… it is a sin based on what I was taught, yet it felt natural to me… it was a sin if I had sex with boys and/or girls… but one was more acceptable than the other… everything I heard growing up was warring with what I was thinking and feeling…and trying… and it went against what I knew those who were teaching me right and wrong were doing, yet the expectation was that I was to do as they say not as they do… but they didn’t do what I did or wanted to do still….

Again this is not a critique on religion or religious teaching or even if sex as defined in the Bible is a sin… it is my thoughts as I was growing up based on what I was told and where I was at in all this… I was confused and damn it that wasn’t hard enough….

I never felt that I was a lesbian… I enjoy sex with men more than sex with women… however, I found that I was interested in having sex with women… there were many times I thought I would love to kiss ‘that’ woman… or see her naked… or yes, explore her body.. but I never had those thoughts for every woman I ever saw naked… and believe me… there are many times you see vanilla friends and co-workers in various stages of naked and it is just that…

I never thought of living with another woman in a relationship… but I could always see myself having sex with her…

I had vivid dreams of myself having sex with women…

I would ask myself how horrible am I to think about having sex with women and being married to a man….

There is something about a woman’s body… the softness, the delicate features, the hidden strength…

So I was honest with my husband… I told him that there is THIS in me… we never mentioned swinging… threesomes or anything like that… not until March 2013…. but he knew….

But there was a battle always brewing inside me of what I liked or wanted to try but couldn’t… was afraid to venture out… to seek and see if it can be found… the battle between right and wrong… what I was taught… what I knew… what I wanted… what I felt I needed….

This battle doesn’t continue today… it has been replaced with an exploration mindset… I have found that I need to explore what is within me sexually… what fulfills me in a way that others may not understand… in ways that others may not get… and that is okay if they do not get it… I don’t get some of what turns them on… and again that is okay….

I don’t know what the answer to this all is… or even what the real question is… other than how do you know what you want to do sexually and how to explore it… but does that make your sexuality kinky? In many ways, yes it does… we are as sexually social adventurers or swingers already venturing into kink… swinging is a kink… so by venturing into these waters we have already moved into or found a kink…

When I decided to swing I also decided to venture further into the world of bisexuality. I wanted to explore those feelings and urges when we went on this adventure and I have enjoyed the exploration. I have enjoyed seeing more of what I want and need and desire……

I think I have realized more about myself and not just sexually since I began this adventure and I have a more positive self-esteem, confidence and freedom….

There is more to add to this topic.. but I am going to stop here because there is so much more I want to investigate in this topic… sure hope you all do too….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….