Category Archives: sexually social adventure

Wow, A Lot Has Happened

Well, since the last post there has been a lot of things that have happened. Some I can share on here, some I cannot.

First of all… I found out three days after my birthday that I had a brain tumor. Gotta say it put a damper on many fun plans I had and really made my life a bit of an adventure. And not necessarily one I wanted to go on… but, what can you do.

I had brain surgery to remove the tumor on April 3rd. It has been an interesting process of finding out you had something big happening and the road to recovery. I won’t bore you with all the details of the road to recovery because I swear there is something new and annoying happening each and every week from some side effect of medication, surgery, or both.

I do have brain cancer and about to start radiation treatment. The medical professionals believed I had the worst brain cancer one could have, but after two prestigious labs investigated it and couldn’t understand it as it appeared to be the worst cancer, it was in fact not the worst despite the appearance.

YAY me.

The treatment for the cancer is just radiation at this point. Another YAY me.

I have been in contact with many guys I have played with before and some that want to play with me when things get back to normal or as one has said, ‘as normal as things get with you’. I had to appreciate that quite a bit. He get’s me. I am as far from normal as one can get in many ways… and having a bit of a miracle happen with my brain tumor… yeah, that is not normal – hence the two labs seeing what they saw and wondering what the fuck is going on…

But many of the guys I had been with are having some difficulty with the diagnosis I have. One cannot stand to think of me having a tumor, brain surgery or brain cancer and has only contacted me less than a handful of times. I get it. He texted me a day or two before I announced my brain tumor status and I had said nothing to him about my ‘issues’ I was having. And they were significant issues… loss of physical and cognitive abililities because of the swelling of the brain that was caused by the tumor. We hadn’t talked in quite some time before his random text and I wasn’t really ready to share the news until I had the MRI. And then I needed to let it sink in before I announced it. Despite him living only 2 hours away, it felt like he was a world away as he knew so little of what I was going through.

One guy I was working on meeting up with when he traveled 5 hours from where I lived has not contacted me after the text I received post announcement on Kasidie. I am assuming, since he really is a sweetheart, that the announcement of my tumor was too much for him. It is not like I can text him and ask him “WTF”… because that is just rude. I am left to assume that the reality of what is going on with me is too much for him. I am okay with that… really I get it.

There is one guy who lives quite a bit away that has become a good friend through out the time post announcement on Kasidie. He and I had some interaction on the forums, but nothing really big. He reached out after I announced my brain tumor and we have been in rather regular contact since. We have texted for quite a while and he has been very encouraging and let’s me change the topic so it is not about me and my tumor, cancer, recovery, seizures and so on… we talk about a lot of different topics and when the topics are too funny, challenging, sexy, or whatever it may be, he gives me a call and we chat for a long time on the phone.

Makes you wonder why so few swingers actually talk on the phone. I love it… and when we are talking about things that don’t matter (in the grand scheme of things) but are just fun to get off your chest or mind… random and funny things… or annoying things… or something that happened… you know the shit friends share…

And that is what he has become. A friend. And I like it. We can talk about so many things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things… and then he will ask me “so, are you really doing okay?”

In the short time we have been talking… and by talking I mean on the phone, he has gotten to where he knows when I am putting on a good front or when I am really struggling but hiding it… as he says, ‘not hiding it too well from me darling, but good try.’

First of all, that is sexy as fuck.

Second of all, it is really cool that someone is willing to pay attention to the verbal and non-verbal cues I am giving off… and you know what, I crave that in the interactions I have with others… real opportunity to have real conversations and have someone actually take interest and listen and hear what is being said and not said.

Of course, I know he wants in my panties… it is okay, I so want to fuck him too…

He has such a good chance of getting in those panties… because he took the time to get to know me.

Did I happen to say how sexy that is to me?

Very fucking sexy.

Of the guys I have met and played with and the guys I was making plans to see… this one has to be the one who made the biggest impact on me and my recovery. He was the one who saw me and was willing to meet me where I was with what I needed.

He was the most consistent in his communication. We do not talk every single day, but neither do I receive breadcrumbs… google breadcrumbing and make sure you are not a breadcrumber…

He took the time to be honest with me about how he felt about what I was going through. Good grief… a man who actually was honest and shared truth with me… if it wasn’t for him I would not think such a man existed.

He tells me about his life and what is going on with him so that I can know him. For a person who loves making connections with others and the state of the world as it has been since late March and all of April and most of May – Covid 19 and brain surgery recovery… this is an awesome gift I have received.

Oh, before you begin to wonder… no he is not really that perfect… there is something that he doesn’t want to accept and keeps ignoring me when I say it… and it is not related to my brain cancer… and he has a few other quirks that are annoying as hell… and are humorous because he does them to ‘impress’ me… but whatever… I am recovering…

The other day I received an invite – opening text on KIK from a guy that I have mentioned on this blog a few times… an older than me guy that fancies himself so damn irresistable that I want to talk to him despite me writing on Kasidie forums and here and on social media platforms to leave me the fuck alone. He reached out to me this past week and I could not believe it…

I am from Wisconsin (grew up there) and heard as a young child adults saying to and about other adults and children “You are dumber than a box of rocks!” Now, this saying is similar in meaning to “Bless Your Heart” as one hears in the South, just not as passive-aggressive… we in the Midwest assume if you are dumber than a box of rocks, hiding the insult in passive-aggressive wording makes the impact of the statement less powerful.

I told this man in as many ways as one can and often in the most direct approach possible and I love the word assertive – but some times I was more than assertive… but he just kept trying.

One has to believe he subscribed to the belief “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

He truly needs to stop trying.

I get this message from him “I hope and pray that you are feeling and doing much better. I think of you often. [his name]”

Now, I tell you what… I believe he has seen something of mine from possibly Facebook (I may have to change my profile from public to hiding from freaks like him) because of him writing “I hope and pray you are feeling and doing much better” the day after I announce I had a lumbar puncture.

I respond to him “I’ve asked you repeatedly to leave me alone.”

He responds “Ok, Done.”

I am a person who at times will have to get the last word in… “I should not have had to ask you repeatedly on every account/app/profile we were both on. The lack of respect you have shown me by ignoring what I asked is why I am so adamant that you leave me alone. A man who refuses to show respect to a woman does not truly care for her. A lesson you may want to consider.”

It shows he read it. No further response from him.

It made me think and I thought about other men I have been in contact with or played with that did not listen to me when I stated something… and it could be something as ‘relatively’ insignificant as “Don’t bite my clit, it doesn’t turn me on” only to bite clit and it hurt from that moment on for a few days and I never want to have sex with you…

Or don’t take my picture or record anything while we are having sex…

Or could we not have checklist sex? If you don’t know what checklist sex is… When I am talking with a guy pre-meet/play time and you write down every single thing you think you heard me say and you think this is what I want to do and in the order you think we have to do it and then you go off that list and do that ‘thing’ and for a few moments and then move onto the next item on that list you created and nothing is done for long enough for me to get any real pleasure from… that is check list sex and pretty much a guarantee that we won’t play again…

What can you do to avoid checklist sex?

Listen to me when I tell you I like to see what will happen if left to our own devices… go with the flow… try something new to one or both of us… anything but lick her nipple once before going to…

So where was I going with this…

Oh yeah, I went down a rabbit hole… and when I resurfaced I realized I began to look at guys I didn’t really enjoy in the last year or two as much as I thought I would for various reasons… too much work, too much drama, too much bad sex, too much telling me what to do, too much NOT listening to me, and well, then I realized that I have the opportunity to make a change… to drop the dead weight…

And boy does that feel good.

So many good things have happened in the midst of something rather not so good…

Muah

Sophia

Yeah, I Am Lucky As Fuck

When I last wrote on this blog I had just fell into a rhythm with Joey fucking me and Brandon in my mouth… not a bad place to be in my opinion… Dane was sitting in the corner and watching… everything that was being done… hearing every single moan, wanting to participate but was not allowed to… fuck was that hot… I could see his cock straining against the cage… I could see him licking his lips… his fingers from when they were in my pussy…

Joey saw what I was looking at and told Dane to come on over and suck his cock… Dane jumped up and walked right over… Joey took off his condom and slid it in my pussy real quick and let Dane taste my juices on his cock… Joey slid his fingers in my pussy and kept the wetness happening… kept my pussy wanting more… and I could hear Dane sucking on Joey’s cock… I was about to cum at this time… and Brandon removed his cock from my mouth and slid on a condom… he slammed his cock into my pussy as it was in the middle of an orgasm… fuck did that feel good… my pussy clamped down on his cock… he pounded the fuck out of my pussy… Joey had his thumb on my clit and another orgasm started before the last one was finished…

I had no ability to do much of anything at this moment… I was dripping everywhere… so much was running down my thighs onto the bed… Joey told Dane to lick me clean… Brandon was still pounding on my pussy and Joey was torturing my clit… a beautiful torture, but nonetheless a torture…

Finally I had to call UNCLE… I needed a break for my pussy to relax… Dane was told to grab a warm washcloth and clean me up while I watched Brandon and Joey for a while… good lord are those men hot… and even hotter when they took each other’s cocks in their mouths… watching Brandon suck Joey’s cock… hearing the noises… seeing the hardness… and let’s not forget… smelling the sexual excitement happening… it was a feast for all the senses…

Watching Brandon suck on Joey’s cock… fingering his ass… seeing the pleasure on Joey’s face… fuck was that hot… it surpassed my wildest imagination of what it would be like… and my imagination is pretty wild…

Joey was hard and ready to fuck an ass… he slid on a condom and told Dane to get his ass over here… After getting lubed up… Joey slid his cock in Dane’s ass… Fuck… That… Is… So… Fucking… Hot…

It is really not a secret how much I love my ass fucked… well, to those who know me, fuck me, or read my blog at least… and Brandon knew this too… so while Joey was fucking Dane’s ass, Brandon was getting ready to fuck mine… good lord, I may need an IV filled with fluids as much as my pussy was flowing…

Brandon slides his cock in my ass… he felt so damn good… his thicker cock felt wonderful in my ass… and he started pounding my ass… yes, a little slow and careful in the beginning… but I was begging for him to go harder in no time… and he obliged. Happily.

It took no time at all for my pussy to leak juices out pretty steadily. Watching Joey fucking Dane… every time Joey was on the verge of cumming he would give Dane’s ass break… until he decided he wanted my ass and my ass now.

After changing out the condoms and partners… Joey began fucking my ass… dear lord was it good… it is always amazing to me how different men feel as they fuck me… each with a different rhythm… different preferences… different skills… I was in anal heaven…

Dane’s cock had a steady stream of cum dripping out… I reached over to him a bit in order to taste his cum… as my tongue touched his cock tip he hollered out “fuck” and his cum faucet stopped dripping and was a series of heavy spurts as he came hard…

Brandon had to stop fucking Dane as he was about to cum… and they didn’t want that long of a break to happen just yet… Joey pulled out of my ass about this time and we did some clean up and re-hydrated as we took a breather…

Nothing like jumping right in and fucking hard until… yep, this was a great start to a great day.

Muah Sophia

And So It Begins

Dane and I spent some time getting him all prepared for this adventure. He knew what I wanted and how I wanted him to fulfill those expectations. He had his own hopes and dreams about what the day would bring… and what he wanted was to serve me in my day of exploration and fantasy fulfillment…

There is one thing that Dane is incredibly talented at… oral sex… holy fuck is this man really fucking talented at it… I don’t think I have ever had my pussy worshiped as well as when he did… the man’s concentration and skill are unmatched… he was tasked with bringing me to the edge multiple times… and if he was not able to ‘sense’ that moment where I was about to go over the edge and stop soon enough… but not too soon… we had a few test runs… and one time… one time he stopped and it should have been soon enough… but the need was so great… and my pussy couldn’t stop… he apologized for fucking this up… told me that he would do much better… do you know how hard it is to speak to a master at oral pleasure with disdain or condescension when you are boneless and unable to speak? Nearly fucking impossible… the pleasure was so fucking intense… and my need for more so great… and… and… and… I had to take a moment and remember what the fuck I was supposed to be doing…

And let’s be honest… I had some serious doubts right about now about the whole sub thing and why wouldn’t I want hours and hours of his skill breaking me…

Luckily for me, the inability of Dane being able to fuck me when I wanted him to fuck me so much brought the proper response… I was not happy… and let him know just how unhappy I was about this… and his poor little cock was suffering so in his cage… and thank goodness for that… I felt very fucking happy that he was suffering.

After making me cum… and bringing me back to the painful edge where I needed to cum some more and not be able to be fucked… and you know that being fucked at that moment is so very important… and leads to an incredible orgasm… to which I was not able to receive from him because of his ‘limitations’… he offered to kiss my ass… and if you were imagining what his skills with my pussy were like… him kissing my ass and me being a girl who really loves attention with my ass… it was incredible…

Until it wasn’t…

I needed my ass fucked…

While his tongue did some amazing things… and his fingers did some amazing things… it just wasn’t good enough…

And to find myself on the verge of begging HIM to fuck my ass… and realizing he can’t… he cannot fuck my ass in the way that it deserved and I wanted…

It seriously pissed me off…

Around this time I became aware that Joey and Brandon were standing in the doorway. And how I became aware of them… Joey was giving Dane some instructions on how to fuck my ass… because obviously Dane was unable to do a ‘good enough’ job…

Brandon suggested to Dane that he give up as he will never be able to satisfy me in the manner I deserve and he should just go sit over in the corner…

Holy fuck, my pussy sprang a leak at that moment… I was so turned on… so wet… and it fucking just began.

Each of these incredible men look very different from each other… it was like I had the best luck to find men so very different in body shape, size, voice, and dear lord… cocks… I was feeling like I won some kind of kinky lottery… Each man had different personalities… different preferences… different skills… and all had a desire to make this an incredible experience for me.

Dane as the submissive… Brandon as the serious appearing but so not serious at all… and Joey the bad boy of the group… Joey epitomizes bad boy… and the leader of this adventure.

Joey’s voice has this incredibly sexy, velvety sound to it… he can talk about anything and it has a sexual feel to it… explain to me just how to turn on a faucet and I swear he can make me cum… and after I told him the first time what his voice does to me, I swear he found all kinds of reasons to just rattle on about nothing… Joey has a voice that travels between Southern and Midwestern…

Dane is more soft spoken… as mentioned before, he has a position where he is the authority… it is a lot like ‘speak softly and carry a big stick’ type of voice… when he does speak you listen. Dane’s voice is deeply Southern.

Brandon is Midwestern all the way… when he and I are talking, my Midwestern comes out in full force… We say the same odd Midwestern things and we emphasize the words, often incorrectly according to the Southerners in the room all the time.

All of the men have incredible cocks… seriously… they are varied and beautiful. Remember me telling you that Joey is the resident bad boy… well, not only does he have an ear piercing… he has a few other piercings as well… and holy fuck doesn’t quite describe the sensations that this man created in my pussy. Let’s just come out and admit that while the ear piercing doesn’t make as much of an impression anymore in general… the tongue and the cock piercings do… oh fuck do they ever.

Joey wanted it pointed out that his cock is as close to perfect as a man’s can get… all the women (and men) he has fucked say so… it is beautiful… my words since he is not thrilled to be described as beautiful… fun conversation that was when I defined what a beautiful cock means to me… if it is the only thing I can think of after seeing it… is how beautiful it fits, feels, looks, tastes, cums… you get the picture… one taste and I was hooked… perfect, beautiful… doesn’t matter… I want that cock as often as I can have it…

Brandon is slightly shorter than Joey’s but also slightly thicker… and yes, there was a few conversations comparing the benefits of their cocks… and sizes along the way… and grossly… conversations about how much they shoot out… how far it shoots out… and other shit like that… not sure who they were trying to impress… but whatever… as long as they are happy with their cocks… so am I.

Dane… I had only seen pictures and quickly on zoom one day… but it is hard to tell what his cock looked like prior to the moment of play… as he had a cage he had to wear and had to have a very small and shriveled cock for this day to work… his full size cock shots looked very good… he may have a milometer or so on both the other guys… but fuck if we could tell for sure… and let’s face it… him being bigger than the rest was not a good thing to share with everyone as he was the ‘sissy’ of the group and did not deserve any praise for his cock….

To give you a bit of a visual of other things besides just their cock sizes… Joey is 6′ 2″, Brandon 6′ and Dane the shortest of the group at 5’10”. Joey’s hair is dark, dark brown, cut and styled in an edgy bad boy style… Brandon prefers a short military style cut of his grey hair and Dane sports a barely respectable style for a department head in a hospital. He struggles with wanting to grow it longer to support his desire to be in a band and his need for corporate compliance… his hair is a light brown, soft and I love running my fingers through his hair. How does this man keep his hair so fucking soft.

All three men are bisexual. Joey is a top… Brandon happens to like to switch and Dane is a bottom and prefers to be… It was decided that for today… Joey will fuck Brandon and Brandon will fuck Dane… and I get to fucking watch it all go down… You do not know how excited this makes me…

Oh, as I read that last bit… Joey planned to fuck Dane as well… seriously, I am in heaven… so much man fucking… so delicious…

Joey instructed Dane to get in the corner and let the real men please me… now remember, at this point I had been treated to the best oral sex ever… and I was a fucking wet mess already… I was so needing to be fucked… and hard… and my ass was needing to be fucked… and Joey came up behind me as I was still on my hands and knees and slid his cock in my pussy… hard… and OMFG!!!!!!!!!

I felt every single one of his four piercings… I felt them enter me… I felt them come on out… and go back in… and I had never felt anything like this before… I will never get that first time feeling that feeling back again… but holy fuck it is something I will never forget…

Brandon is in front of me… his cock is hard and ready to be sucked… and we somehow managed to coordinate very well the timing for him to fuck my mouth while Joey is fucking my pussy… the rhythm is incredible… after a few minutes, Brandon removes his cock from my mouth… something about being ready to cum to soon… and Joey is demanding that Dane watch how good a real man can fuck me…

And all I can think of at this point in time… is how will Joey’s cock feel fucking my pussy… it is nearly an obsession in my thinking… how on earth will those piercings feel…

Unfortunately… right now, I have to get back to work… I will write more later… because believe me… this story is no where near the end… and I am enjoying dragging out the details… because this was a once in a lifetime first for me…

Muah Sophia

He Prefers Disdain and Condescension

Before we could play there was work to do. I needed to know how to ‘get along’ with my sub. And since this was added in ‘last minute’ sorta… we had to do some work to figure out what was needed. Dane is the name of the sub in this adventure… He is so sweet and so good looking… and so fucking nice…

See where the problem lies… he is sweet and nice and good looking… a perfect man… if he wasn’t wanting me to humiliate him… I mean… he is that sweet… and nice… and fucking hot… so humiliation is not my first ‘go to’ with him… it is flirting and well, not calling him a sissy. He knows this… I said it several times to him… how sweet he is… He tells me that this won’t work well if I think the world of him… and we had gotten to know each other before it moved into the sub realm… We had to start getting in our roles for this adventure… so he explained why he likes this role of sub.

His job… his career requires him to make a lot of hard decisions with great consideration of many risks and consequences with little time to ponder them. He is a surgeon. He is the head of the department. He loves what he does but it is stressful. It is challenging. It can be overwhelming but he can’t allow himself to be overwhelmed. This is his outlet. This is what he does for release of all the shit in the world that he is required to do on a daily basis.

His staff all report to him with an understanding that what he says goes. The decisions he makes rest on his shoulders and no one else’s. If he makes a mistake it can cost someone their life. That is a lot on a person. His staff show him respect and some hold him in a position of awe and wonder. Some talk out of both sides of their mouths… and some just do not like him at all. But they all have to work with him.

He has to show them respect and all that good stuff… but with the amount of stress related to his work… he enjoys not having to make decisions for this area of his life. I know that this was supposed to make me feel better about making him feel like less… but I admire him a bit more.

That makes it a bit harder to humiliate him…

A lot harder actually.

Did I mention I find him sweet, nice, and hot…

He asked me if I could talk to him with disdain and condescension in my voice. I have done that to others… not sure if that is a brag or a confession… but I have spoken to people in that way before… and in theory can again… but I wasn’t sure if I could him…

He suggested I think of someone who ‘deserves’ to receive that from me and channel them for this fun we are going to have…

I know I should be highly ashamed of myself… for what I am about to confess… but there were several people I could think of that would give me great pleasure if I could speak to them all the time in that ‘voice’. I realized that I may have a new method of ‘dealing’ with them without really taking it out on them… this is both exciting and scary. But more exciting.

I really felt free when I was able to say things to him with disdain and condescension even in practice mode… It gave me an opportunity to get it off my chest so to speak and not be labeled a ‘bad person’. The more I thought about what I could say and how I was going to say it… the lighter I felt… I enjoyed being able to process my ‘shit’ without harming others. And I double-checked, I was not harming him.

In fact, I was often asked to amp up the disdain and condescension… and to not say the last word or two as an apology or with the sounds of it being an apology waiting to happen…

I had a person who I kept in my mind that was the real recipient of my disdain and condescension that I felt deserved it… It was interesting to see how this ’emotion’ came out and how as I owned the emotion the more real it became for me… I was able to see things clearer… and made it easier to switch between processing the emotion and letting the emotion play out…

Dane shared with me some of his favorite phrases that made him respond quickly and with great pleasure… he told me the things he likes to be ‘forced’ to do in these situations. He is bisexual and because of the whole scene that was building in this four-some… he wanted to make sure that there would be some of the bisexual humiliation aspect happen.

OMG, yes please…

This gets better and better and better as the moments tick along.

I could cum right now thinking about this… let alone living it and reliving it… Heaven help me… I am so fucking lucky.

Dane and I would be getting started before the other two men joined us. There were some things that Dane felt we needed to do to get the whole scene going. Some of these things would be a few days prior… he felt that we needed to really be in ‘character’ and it would help with my issue of really respecting him.

I will be honest… and this is about my husband and me… it is not really hard when my husband gets me to ‘that’ point to talk to him with disdain dripping from every word. It is not a challenge at all for me to talk to him with condescension lacing every word… It is very easy at times for this to happen… I know this… he knows this… and he pushes that limit and has our whole marriage to where this is what he receives and if I ‘do my best’ not to go there… he pushes that boundary and pushes some more and then it comes out and he actually seems happy…

So to say that I struggled with accomplishing something with disdain and condescension as a whole because it was not a part of me… well that would not be correct… but to apply this towards Dane was challenging as I saw him in the view of an incredible man who interested me a great deal. I expressed to him this struggle I was having. How to separate him from the man I first met him as and then how I had to change the focus towards this submissive role that was our secondary introduction. He understood the struggle. But, we had to move towards this new role and how we would go forward with these expectations.

Dane explained in great detail how I would need to see him as more submissive, and we started with an understanding of what submission means – “the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.” I need to shift my focus from respecting him and seeing him as a man I was sexually attracted to and instead view him from the lens of a man who wants to submit to me. A man who seeks my ‘superior’ force, my strength and direction for this activity. This gave me insight on how to switch gears. We found the conversations begin to evolve where I was the more dominant in not only my portion of the conversation and manner in which I ‘dealt’ with him… but having that switch in mindset helped in other ways…

I was given permission to say what I want and not worry about fitting into a ‘flirting’ or swinger role… but really be my most true self in conversation because I did not have to impress him… I needed to in fact press upon him the role of submission of him and ‘superiority’ over him. That was so cool to be party to as it happened. He would try to encourage or set me off rather to be less ‘nice’ and more real. He would challenge my thoughts and statements to get me to rid myself of the ‘nice and sweet behaviors’ and instead a bit bitchy.

I had to shed the role of being fun loving and sweet and timid in saying what I felt at the time as we are so conditioned to be nice as swingers and people. The first time he egged me on to the point I shed the nice-girl comments and really told him he can shut the fuck up anytime he wants… he encouraged me to tell him why he should shut the fuck up…

You see, he assumed some things there was little evidence of… but the assumptions were not what I wanted him to believe… I was upset by something someone did… and yet, I didn’t want to admit I was upset. I had this shield protecting me and my real thoughts on this person/topic. He could tell I was hiding something… he pushed and pushed and pushed until I finally snapped at him… If I admitted what I needed to admit then I opened up a whole new issue I had to address. I was asked ‘what was I afraid of really?’ The answer was I was afraid to admit what I already knew to be true.

So I told him to shut the fuck up… I am not ready to admit that which I already know… and I don’t want to be forced into admitting it… Oddly enough, I didn’t start crying… I just became angry. I was angry at him….It was different from when I was in this role with my husband… there was enough ‘baggage’ that allowed me to ‘take up the role complete with words’… but with him… not so much.

Until it wasn’t an issue anymore… and that made what we did last weekend so much better. I realized I had a lot of disdain and condescension waiting to come out… and out it came.

Who says kink isn’t a great release of things you need to release… very liberating. VERY!

So as we worked through those things and I created an outlet to voice those feelings I was too worried about sharing out… I shared and shared and shared all that disdain… all that condescension and as a result he became very hard-ish… he was in a cage… he dripped and dripped and dripped and I was very pleased with myself… I was letting it out… very fucking therapeutic.

When we met up at the house we rented before the actual ‘event’ happened… we were able to get comfortable with the set up… with each other… with the ‘pre-work’ we had to do to be ready… and ready we were… He hadn’t been able to remove his cage for 7 days… was ‘tortured’ by our texts… I guess I am pretty good at texting disdain and condescension in a fairly oblivious to everything else manner that made him want to have my undivided attention…

All I really remember from those texts was telling him how much I wished he was a better man that I wanted to fuck as much as the other two guys I can’t to explore, taste, and fuck… but needless to say, he just doesn’t do much for me…

He reminded me that I have the use of his whip… and when I say whip, I am not talking a flogger. He has a whip that I am able to use once in the beginning and once in the end… good grief… practicing on how to use that and get over that ‘freak out’ was interesting… very interesting…

But as we were getting ready… and I prepped him for our fun… teased, tormented, humiliated and spoke down too… he tells me… “whip my ass so it is ready to be fucked.”

Dear God, I gushed when he said that… I was so ready.

Muah Sophia

When It Finally Happens

For years I have had a couple of items on my “fuck-it” list. I told myself through the years to be patient and wait for this to happen. Do not rush it… do not choose the wrong person… do not just do it without making sure it is what you want… it was that important to me these couple ‘things’ I wanted…

Now, I am not always the most patient of people. I have some Pisces and Aries happening within and they can make me rather impatient and a bit dreamy about things… and well… I waited… since the idea first started to form in late 2013… and really be a ‘thing’ the first of 2014… it became something I really, really wanted. And I had bits and pieces of it… but not the whole thing…

Let’s be honest… for someone who overthinks things… is a natural planner, and a dreamer… a difficult combination… thank goodness for the Aries in me… after all these years… it happened.

And good God it was incredible.

And took a lot of planning.

And a lot of nearly had it planned and then something fucked it up before it could happen…

And me wondering if I should just give up this idea…

And as the idea went on to almost happening… details being talked about and then the whole fucking thing being scrapped…

I nearly gave up.

And then… a conversation with a friend who is BI… and through that a conversation with another who is BI… and one who is very submissive… and I have planned whole conferences that took less planning and committees and logistics… I tried hard to overcome some major things I needed to overcome to be mentally prepared for this… and to be able to move past the visions I had of how this would happen and who this would happen with… and when… and where… and fuck… I am exhausted just thinking of all that thinking and planning that went into this whole thing…

And all I can say is “I am so fucking happy it happened as it did, when it did, and where it did…”

I don’t think I could have planned it any better or with better partners in this adventure…

My husband did not want to participate in this adventure. All along the way he was really not all that into doing this… he wanted to do it if it was important to me… and it was important to me… but not necessarily important he partake in the adventure himself. It was okay that he said no… I would much rather have participants that wanted to go all in than someone who was hesitant to do this… and well, as my husband didn’t really want to do this… I said I would find someone or a couple someone’s to do it with me.

I remember way back when this first became a thing… I could close my eyes and see how this played out… most of the time when I thought of it… the partners involved were not really solid component… even when I mentioned the fantasy I had… the partners were never really who I could see or picture them as a part of it… they were rather fluid in this… In 2014, at least one partner was identified… but for only a short time… then that position again became a faceless person who I allowed to not be identified… just waited until they would show themselves.

Many guys who claimed they were straight volunteered for the role… but they had to many conditions… way to many conditions… and well, that kinda took the fun out of it. I wanted someone who would recognize what this really involved and not tell me what they would and would not do… and I understand that everyone would have their hard limits… but we aren’t even talking about that… we are at the ‘I will do this but not that’ despite me not ASKING them to do anything or be a part of it… I was just sharing what my ultimate fantasy was…

You see, in this part of the sharing what it was I was interested in… I wanted someone who was just as excited in participating and not someone who would do it because it would make me happy… there is a movie with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn The Breakup where Jennifer’s character wanted Vince’s character to want to do dishes… that was how I felt… I wanted someone who wanted to do this for the reason of wanting to do this and not because… well, there is something that makes the half hearted MMF not as much fun as one would think it would be…

I wanted someone who wanted to enjoy the MMF with me and the third person… and that was largely the reason why I never really pushed it with my husband. He WOULD do it if I wanted him too… but he really wasn’t that much into it…

Then it looked like it would happen… but yeah, the fell through in such a big and painful way… so… I was back to wanting to have this happen but thinking it wouldn’t…

And with all the bisexual men who were constantly contacting us wanting to fuck my husband… damn, you would think I could get this to happen… I mean… seriously, it shouldn’t be that hard to get this happening.

It looked like it was going to happen according to the plans that were taking shape in September… and then suddenly… BANG! BAM! BOOM! that all exploded in my face… it was ugly and painful and I truly asked myself why the fuck was I surprised…

So I gave up that fantasy… and every other one wrapped up into that one… and then…

In the midst of one conversation with a friend who is BI… I mentioned how I was thinking about this whole ENM shit and if I was even really interested in the trouble of all this… and during that conversation I was told a few truths I could not deny… and realized that this is something I really want to do… and he simply said… “Then move on from him and find two men who aren’t ‘afraid’ to do what needs to be done.”

And I did. I talked to this friend about what I wanted. He tells me that what I want should not be too difficult to make happen. It wasn’t like I was asking for something completely off the wall and hard to pull off… just need two guys willing to fuck you and each other… and he knew several men that I can meet and see of they passed muster…

He gave me a few names to reach out to to see if they were interested to see if there is chemistry. There had to be chemistry between the men and me… and for it to be really fucking good, chemistry between the men… this was going to be fun and interesting and some work…

As we were communicating and learning about each other we shared what else we were interested in… since I tend to go all in… I shared a lot about what I wanted from this adventure… and what my limits were… and asked them about their… we spend a lot of time texting individually and as a group…

And I should mention that there were 6 men I was communicating with… I knew that I would need several of them as options in the off chance that they didn’t get along or have chemistry. A few men got along very well… almost too well… Two of them decided they just wanted to fuck each other… apparently they were more on the gay side of BI, so we were down to 4… this was four guys and the ‘friend’ that I reached out to…

He and I were talking one day and he felt compelled to tell me that he wanted to make sure I knew that he wanted… no had to be a part of this adventure of mine. He couldn’t just help me set it up and not participate in it… Since I did like him and find him quite attractive… it was a good thing… and I couldn’t wait… but it meant that we needed to narrow down the remaining guy… but the problem was, there were two other men that I was really fancying… two guys that I had a lot in common with… found very sexy… and that would be interested in each other…

I told him this dilemma… he mentioned that we can make up the rules as we go… and we can make this anything we wanted…

Hmm, I liked hearing that… and that opened up a few possibilities for me…

There was something I wanted to do… another item on my ‘fuck-it’ list that my husband was interested in… but only so much… and with great reservation and well… think back to the ‘want you to want to do dishes’. We were there on this too… and it was not worth the work at this point… I didn’t want to have to talk him into it and reassure him that… and then… and well…

I mentioned what I wanted to do… what I wanted to combine if it is possible… I was emotionally tired and just wanted to have something in this part of my life to be easy and fun and not damaging me all the time… so I laid it all out there… this is what I want and if it could happen and if it could show me that what I want mattered to someone… and that they could make it easy and fun and not an emotional trainwreck that hits me… I would appreciate it… I was due for that in my opinion.

My friend agreed. This shouldn’t have been that hard… it shouldn’t have taken as long as it did… and it shouldn’t have been such a hassle as was made… and he would make sure that it happened and it was good. He asked me to let him take the lead with the three of them plus me. All I had to do is say yes or no when he brought something to my attention and he would take care of everything else. He would do all the work in organizing this…

If you know anything about me, that is not the easiest thing for me to do… but you know what… after all the shit this summer and fall brought me… I was willing to do whatever I needed to do to get this to happen. I wanted, no needed someone to take the lead and not drop the ball. I needed someone to keep their word. I needed someone who had the balls to follow through and not lie to me… not manipulate me… not fuck with my head… and he agreed that he needed to make this happen without all the drama that I had been dealt with recently.

I had a few other things happening in my life… work a big one… but also some new friends and new potential playmates and all kinds of other good things distracting me… it was a time of great excitement as long as I focused on the good stuff and let the bad fall away… but let’s be honest… for me… it was a challenge.

I would get some regular updates on the plans as the date grew closer… I was beyond excited… I knew one of the guys was going to be in a cage… I knew he liked to get his ass whipped… and I had to be the one to do the whipping… that was something I was not sure about… paddling was one thing… but I was not sure I could whip him. He shared with me his favorite words of humiliation… what he loved to be denied… and what really turns him on when he is ‘at his lowest’.

We talked a lot about this… a lot. He told me how much disdain he needed to hear to really get the full effect… and if I really wanted to show him who was boss where and how to pinch the tender skin at the base of his balls. He told me that if he is whipped just right… meaning the whip on his ass goes around to actually hit his balls from underneath…

And we had to practice all this… a lot. Apparently, I do have the proper voice and attitude to put him in his place… and if the leaking his cock was constantly doing I was doing something right… and then I had to practice doing it in front of my friend… just saying it in front of him… we did it on zoom… it was fucking weird… and to see how much my friend loved it as he watched it… and how hard he came while I did my part…

We also had the other partner and the sub do this same thing… none of us all in the same place at the same time… we wanted to have everyone feel comfortable with this but not really together at the same time… we wanted that ‘first’ to happen at a later time… but we wanted to feel comfortable since two of them had to travel to get together with us all…

We planned our date… we grabbed two joining hotel rooms… and then we changed our minds and rented a small house… we didn’t want to disturb the other guests as one of the four of us is quite loud when cumming… and it isn’t me… I think that was a brilliant idea… once we secured the house we were able to really look at the events that would lead up to the fun…

The sub had some ideas of what he wanted to do in this particular situation since none of us had ever done this particular thing before in this particular way… we had a few calls in the evening and discussed what we would like to see happen… however, I made them all promise that we would not script anything… we would let what happened happen… and we would only use these calls to open up our minds, be creative, and willing to see what actually happened when we got together.

We had the house from Friday to Sunday. I wasn’t going to be there the whole time… two of the guys would be traveling in from 4 and 6 hours away… the house we rented was just 15 minutes or so from me… I would pop in and the others would be there a bit longer than I would… We had a rule… no one could have sex right before and the sub couldn’t have sex for at least 7 days prior to us meeting. Everyone had to have a STD panel and no sex after the blood was drawn. Condoms would be used of course… and all condoms had to be latex free… no orgasms 36 hours prior to ‘event’ minimum. Since all the guys are single and I am the only married person in the group… I was not allowed to have sex either… and my husband had to agree. All cell phones had to be on silent, no photographs and no videos were allowed. This was not a ‘show’ for others… but us concentrating on each other’s pleasure.

Most of these rules came from the guys… I was okay with them… My husband could listen in if he wanted to make sure I was ‘ok’ during all of this… over the course of the planning stages, my husband got to know the guys rather well and didn’t have a problem with any of them and didn’t know if I would be able to enjoy myself knowing he was listening in… the guys offered to let him watch if he wanted. He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to watch… he isn’t really a sit on the sidelines and watch. He decided to pass on that…

We worked out the details of what to eat, what to drink, what to do in between… and they were nice enough to share their recovery times… what they like to do while recovering and the guys took care of all these details… I was promised it would be an incredible time… and speaking of the time… it was going to be a many hour event… They had the details planned where there was time to flirt, time to explore each other… and well… time to humiliate our sub…

As the days got closer… and the moment was about to happen… all I had to do is enjoy myself… well sorta… the flirting between the four of us went down to three of us… the sub wasn’t allowed to flirt but had to watch the flirting happen between the three of us… and he had to be reminded how unworthy he was… and then the flirting went up a notch or 12 between us three… and I swear… knowing what was about to happen… and knowing how it was going to play out… and how long I waited… and how perfect these men were for this to happen… dear God… I only had to squeeze my thighs together and I came and came hard… I couldn’t imagine what it would be like when I was there… and all the things we were going to be doing… I was a hot mess…

I can barely keep my eyes open right now… I am exhausted and oh so sated… I am going to have to end this now and write more tomorrow… and this is a great stopping point… because what happened to start this adventure is so fucking incredible…

Muah Sophia

The Nilla Crush Continues

The recent Thanksgiving holiday was a great opportunity for my Vanilla Crush to miss me. Right before the holiday he sent me a text informing me that he sent an email to me and the rest of the group he trained around Halloween. I responded, “I know, I received it.” He said he wanted to make sure I had. I said thank you and he said “you are welcome.” I made a joke about how polite we both are… he responded by sending me a smiley face. I responded by sending him a kiss in the form of red lips.

The next thing I knew, my phone was ringing. I answered it.

I had seen his name pop up so I answered it “Well hot damn, I am so glad it’s you sweetie.”

He stammered a bit, then he said, “Are you really glad I called?”

I told him of course I was glad he called. I enjoy talking to him. After asking if I was busy and me telling him that I always have time for him… I asked him what he needed. In one of our other conversations he told me that I didn’t need a valid reason to talk to him… I could even come up with silly reasons to talk to him. Silly reasons to talk to a man? Me? Never!!!

So he reminded me that I could talk to him at anytime I wanted. I told him I know. I remember him telling me that… so he asks… why haven’t you called me then?

Hmm, what to say?

I told him that I wanted to talk to him… but I wasn’t sure if he really wanted to talk to me… I mean, really want to talk to me about something not work related… he told me that he would always want to talk to me… I made a few jokes and he said “Seriously, I always enjoying talking to you.”

I joked again that I was blushing.

He stammered again and asked me if I minded him calling. Not at all I said. He asked if I was alone in the office. I was at the time. I told him yes. I asked if I needed to be alone in the office. He said it may be a little easier to talk to me if no one else could hear our conversation.

I asked if I needed to be worried. Was he going to break up with me? I was laughing when I asked that… he asked me if we had anything happening that would require a breakup? I said not yet, but I am optimistic.

He said that is what I wanted to talk about, just what this is and is this something that can go somewhere? I said he can ask me anything. He said “Okay, hopefully I make this awkward.”

He told me that he is in fact attracted to me and he know that I am married. He knows that I said we have an open marriage. He is not sure what exactly that means in general and for him and for me. And my husband. He has some questions and would like to know more about all this.

Some of this we had already talked about so I answered his questions. He asked me if I was attracted to him. Yes. I find him attractive and funny and interesting. He asked me if I wanted to have a relationship with him or just sex. I asked him what he wanted. He then asked me how does this usually go? I told him that the official rule book on vague sexual activities is rather unclear on how this is supposed to go… so we could just wing it and do what feels good. He laughed and said, ‘no seriously, how does this work?’

I had to have some more fun with him… I asked are you unsure how sex work or the ENM part of it? He stammered, “I know how sex works!” I joked, “well, if we need to take it slow and experiment over and over to make sure”… he realized that I was joking again…

I asked him if he is looking for a relationship? He said in general terms, no… but he figured that if we got to know each other more and then had sex it would be like a relationship… I agreed, it would be like a friends style relationship that included sex… but I didn’t know if he wanted to have the label of friendship, relationship or just fuck buddies. We can make that is easy peasy as we want or as formal as we want… it really doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as we want it to be. I would love for it to be simple and fun.

He wants that too. He just isn’t sure of how to go about this…

Really, I don’t either… each person, each situation is so very different.

We talked a bit longer and about other things… like Thanksgiving plans… I had to make a few phone calls and had to go… he asked if he could text me… I said sure, but I hope he didn’t miss me too much.

Today my phone chirps… the text says… “Is it crazy that I missed talking with you so much?” I mentioned that I didn’t actually know he missed me… he said he has wanted to chat with me all week… he kept thinking of reasons to reach out to me but talked himself out of it… worried I would be annoyed.

I told him that I would not have been annoyed. I would have loved to chat with him. He asked why he missed chatting with me so much. He was really trying to get to the bottom on why this is so weird for him. I didn’t know it was ‘so weird’… but it probably because he is interested in a married woman and wouldn’t be cheating but just having fun… and that was something he was trying to wrap his head around.

Yes, that is something he was thinking about… he wanted to understand more about that… That is something that is a bit weird for many who find out that I am ENM… how does this work…

We had to end our chat this morning before we could go into that area too much… but he wants to understand how this works… how this will work for us… and how he will fit into this world…

Before the call ended, he told me that I am constantly on his mind… he can’t wait until we can arrange time to get together… and well… have sex.

Then he asked if it was okay to state that he wanted to have sex with me?

I shocked him when I said “I hope so, I really want to fuck you!”

I guess I come of a lot more professional at work than I thought…

Even when flirting!

Muah Sophia

And What A Fool He Is

I also asked for an opportunity to write on Sophia’s blog. It is an honor to do so because of the honor of knowing her.

I wanted to start off by saying that Sophia isn’t walking around crying every moment of every day. She isn’t moping and bitching about everything. In fact, only when I ask her specifically about HIM and how she is doing in regards to him does she let me know how she really is doing. Otherwise, Sophia hides it pretty damn good. She has learned how to ‘fake happy’ pretty good. Something along the lines of ‘fake it till you make it’.

My getting to know Sophia is filled with a lot of laughter and a lot of fun conversations. But there has been for a while a sadness behind her eyes. She is spending time recovering from her ‘ordeal’ with those two. And let’s be honest, what they did to her is pretty bad.

From what I know, Amber and I are the only swingers who know anything about what they did to her. The only other people who know anything are not swingers and have no idea what to make of all of this. One question that is often asked is “What is the reason for them behaving like this?”

The answer is quite simple, they are self-centered, arrogant, and oblivious to the feelings of anyone other than themselves. And they don’t really care about people, just themselves.

I can say this because I know them. I have met them. I have interacted with them. I have seen them in action.

The things I learned about how they treated Sophia are not really that much of a surprise on one hand and yet, I am completely shocked they would treat her – specifically her – this way.

I have to be honest here, many things he and she did to Sophia upset me. Especially us breaking our date with Sophia because they changed their arrival date. Sophia explained it to us when they moved it up from Monday to Sunday and then from Sunday to Saturday. We understood it but we weren’t happy. We wanted to meet her. Imagine how pissed we were when we find out that he lied to her about several things, their ‘time alone’ that never happened and she was never told until it was ‘surprise’ and then the date with another woman he planned on her last full day. You asked her to give up her plans and then you make plans with another woman and expect her to be happy with another last minute surprise and then throw compursion in her face. Buddy, that isn’t compursion. It is selfish, arrogant and rude behavior.

Mike has zero respect for him especially. After laying into Sophia about a made up reason to not allow her to communicate with him anymore (completely made up) he fails to respond to the text Mike sent him. What better way to prove to Sophia how little she mattered. How made up the girlfriend’s excuse was that Sophia saw through immediately. Mike addressed it via text and was ignored. That is the sign of a weak as shit man. He demonstrated his true character and it is not at all impressive. It is sad. Truly sad.

Sophia refused to apologize for something she didn’t do even with him telling her that if she did it would fix everything. Sadly, the only person who believed it was him. It was obvious before that and especially after that there was no way that Sophia would ever be able to see him again.

Neither one of them could be honest with her.

Here is what bothered Sophia, Mike and well Amber and I so much, the constant lying, manipulating, and games both of them played.

As each communication that came that was less than honest, Sophia was hurt. There was a part of her that understood their immaturity, jealousy, the jumble of ego and insecurity, but what she couldn’t understand was what the end game was. Why put her through this?

Sophia felt stupid. She felt gullible. She felt attacked. And she felt like she couldn’t take a stand and stop it without taking a direct hit. She felt powerless. She felt like her hands were tied. And she felt horrible that she loved him.

Obviously, she is smart enough to realize that all this manipulative behavior is highly damaging, but she also realized that her heart truly loved him.

The part that is hardest for her to reconcile is that fact that someone who repeatedly told her that he loved her would treat her so poorly.

And why she allowed it.

I spent a lot of time, along with Mike and her badass tribe bluntly telling her that she did not deserve this treatment and that she needed to put this all in perspective. All I can say is we are glad there are texts and emails and screenshots. We would never have believed the shit she told us afterwards. It is hard to believe he could profess his love and treat her this way. Yep, read all those texts and emails and wall posts. You would not believe the gaslighting that took place all because…

What was hardest was the lies she was told about how she is somehow a horrible swinger and person because she wouldn’t kiss ass to the girlfriend all the while knowing the girlfriend has some serious issues to even demand what she was unwilling to give herself. As if somehow Sophia owed more to the girlfriend than the girlfriend owed Sophia.

The girlfriend owed Sophia respect and did not show it to her.

When we explained what she already knew enough times for her to finally hear it, we then went on to tell her that he did not deserve her love, affection, time or attention. He proved over and over he did not value it, did not value her, and that is his ultimate loss.

Amber and I feel strongly about Mike and Sophia. We see them as a truly unique couple and a treasure to know. We do not run across couples like this often. And when one does, they need to hold on tight to them.

Watching their behavior from before they met to now has definitely been interesting. There is hope that he has a heart and feels bad about how he treated her. But as I told Amber, Mike and Sophia, I doubt he does. His ego and need to be fucking everything and everyone in sight makes it hard for anything to phase him too long. We see that with his brags about his new conquests. All I can say is I feel bad for you man. No amount of bragging, no amount of conquests, no amount of fucking your way into people’s lives will fill that void. And buddy, you and your girlfriend’s voids are so great they will never be filled until you address the root problem.

One final point to make, the more you both go on and on about how wonderful your relationship is on the forums and on your wall, make sure no one is witness to the drama you bring to those around you. I am amazed at how respectful, nice, and silent Mike and Sophia have been considering how they were treated. If it was me, I would have called you both out on your bullshit.

Sophia has given me the final word on you both. She was willing to let this go after her post last Wednesday when she realized that she could talk about you, think about you and be ambivalent about you. She worked hard to get to that point and we applaud her.

Here it is… the last words on this subject.

Man you fucked up. I hope you miss her for the rest of your life. I hope you have a void in your life you can’t fill (more than you already have). I hope you realize how big you fucked up. You had a true gift given to you that few ever do. All you had to do is treasure what you were given. You threw it away without a care in the world.

You are a truly foolish man. You were given a gift and threw it away. A truly foolish man.

Mark

Now That We Know Sophia and Mike

Now that we know Sophia and Mike a little bit better we were ready to meet them, the four of us all together. We were warned Sophia was working through some things, but we wanted to get together. We had to get together. To be honest, we were unsure how it would go. Sophia stopped talking about him at all according to Mike. She unfollowed him on FB and shut off wall posts on Kasidie to keep this all in perspective. She toyed with unfriending him altogether, but since she had done that already in 2015, she didn’t want to be the one who did it again.

Sophia wanted us to know she is trying to not go from constantly thinking of him and then finding someone to replace him and focus too much attention on someone new and making them feel like a second string replacement. We both understood her point as we saw him doing just that on Kasidie. We knew as she told us that we had nothing to worry about. She is aware enough, emotionally intelligent enough to not over-compensate to the point where someone is hurt just to make herself feel better. We could see him doing this to others and to her. We felt for Sophia. He was being an ass.

We would like to believe it was because he was hurting too, but fuck, he caused this, brought this on her and our empathy was for her, not him and his girlfriend. It was really hard for us and could only imagine how it was for Sophia and for Mike. But all we saw was his rather cruel and indifferent behavior towards her. While we had previously ‘mostly liked’ him with reservation – and this was not due to Sophia but his general attitude towards people in general (seen in callous forum posts about fucking anything that breathes and servicing partners and this being his job – when he is done with his job he is out of there was a particularly heinous one), this brought him down a notch or several. We definitely saw the patheticness of his behavior towards others and know enough to realize that it is because he is immature and has a void he is trying to fill with sex and other people’s approval, not realizing how it is not working. It is actually making him appear far more desperate and well, here is that word again, pathetic.

Mark and Sophia took extra time to get to a place where they were comfortable getting close. Work for both of them was a good distraction and pacesetter. Mike and I had no issues there. We got to know each other very well. We were encouraged by Sophia to do whatever we needed and we did.

Sophia mentioned several times that Mike is often the forgotten one because of Sophia’s presence on Kasidie. I’ve seen many times his posts and reactions to the posts that indicates he can hold his own. Personal conversations demonstrate that as well. Sophia said once that Mike gets lazy. I asked him about that and he admitted it is true. He doesn’t want to make this a full time job or even part time… it’s sex, pure and simple. If I get into this it is because the woman has captivated me and makes me want to chat. He can count on one hand the women that has. BTW, I am one of those few. Yay!

We are well into October at this point and things are heating up. Mike, Sophia and I met in person and hit it off. Mike and I have become even closer. We chat most everyday, have gotten each other off on video chats, and I am wanting him. A lot.

By the time we arrive at their home I cannot wait to see him again. Sophia and I have a bit of fun in the shower and then Mike arrives. I have been dying to wrap my hands and mouth on his cock. It is simply beautiful. I’m on my knees in front of him in no time. He is fucking my mouth hard and I love it. I know we have other plans for tonight but I want him to cum in my mouth. I won’t let him pull out and he does cum. Hard. A lot.

We move over to the bed and lay down while Mike recovers. We start kissing. And proceed to make out for a while. We stop and talk a bit and then I wrap my legs around his waist… he slips on a condom and slides into my pussy.

Fuck he knows how to use his cock. I personally think his cock is beautiful. It is straight and long and thick and works every fucking time. He can tease and pound, he can hit all the right spots… and he is not focused on getting his rocks off, but rather making sure each fucking stroke feels good for me. I quickly learned his favorite positions and his rhythm. I begged him to fuck me rough and hard. He did. Oh he did so well.

Sophia joked not to say “don’t stop”… whatever you do, don’t say those two words… the guy will stop… not sure why… but he does. Mike did not stop. I was ready to pop him one if he did. He joked and said he learned his lesson to listen and hear the words.

That is one of the things about them. They have some good comedic timing. The stories they tell and the experiences they have are hilarious. In between our time having sex we all shared some great stories. We also shared some things we want to try. Some things that have been on our bucket lists and what we want to possibly try together.

As we talked about some of the things I wanted to do, like DP Sophia suggested we do it while we were there. No reason why we couldn’t do it while we were all there. There was a little prep work that needed to be done, but by the time we were leaving we would have that off our list.

Sophia gave me a heads up on what we needed to do to prep and once that was done we tried it on Saturday night. Sophia asked me if I wanted her to be in the room or just Mark, Mike and myself. I wasn’t sure how to answer. Sophia told me she was glad her first time was just her, the SM and Mike. She told me how it started and I wanted to try that they way they did it. I felt a bit weird copying her, but she didn’t mind.

We headed off to the bedroom and Sophia was in the other room. We heard nothing from her while we were off having some fun. I was a little worried once I had a moment to think of her. She had ended up taking a nap. I laughed really hard when I found out she was napping. Here I was worried she would be bothered we were taking so long having a threesome and trying DP and she was napping.

Mike led the way for the threesome. We didn’t just go straight into the shoving cocks in my ass and pussy. He made this a highly erotic memory for me. We did all the things I wanted in a threesome. Both of them sharing my pussy. Both of them kissing me. Both of them tasting how wet I got from all their attentions. Then Mike asked me who I wanted in my ass. I hadn’t thought of it at that point, I was not sure how to decide. Mike suggested that he go in from behind so that Mark can see my face while I cum. I straddled Mark and was rubbing my pussy on his cock while Mike paid a lot of attention to my ass. He didn’t just go straight in, he fingered me and stretched me while I was basically dry humping my husband. I wasn’t actually dry at this point and time, but fuck it made me so wet.

As I was primed for Mike to enter my ass, he pulled me up straight and turned me so he could kiss me. He was still fingering my ass and asked me if I was ready. I was. I so was. He then slid the tip of his cock to my bud and then entered me. It was slow and steady and it felt so good. He started thrusting with a steady rhythm until Mark was ready to lift me just a bit until he could slide his cock in me as well.

Both men stopped briefly until I was completely in and then Mike started the rhythm they both would follow. I came and came and came again and again. Sophia told me it was fucking incredible and I have to say it is more than I could imagine.

I was spent by the time the threesome was over. Mike was spent. Mark was spent and Sophia was still napping. We crawled into bed with Sophia and enjoyed a much needed nap.

When we all woke up and Sophia asked us how it went and listened to us with excitement for me at having this experience, pride of hearing how much I enjoyed her husband and gave me a hug with genuine happiness that I could share her husband, I knew that we had something rather incredible.

Wet Kisses, Amber

Getting To Know Sophia and Mike

This is my second post, first full post on Sophia’s blog. Wish me luck. 🙂

When Sophia first posted her travel plans we looked… we enjoy getting to know people who are traveling through the area. Often we find ourselves doing the ‘dreaded one and done’ because we seek those who travel and not necessarily those who live in the area. Let’s face it, after a while, the regular swingers in the area are not anything new and exciting because we see them at everything and with everyone. The conversations are all the same, the play habits are all the same, the come on lines are all the same and yawn, and then yawn some more.

We look at those who are traveling in our area and we reach out to them. We did this with Sophia even though she was traveling solo, we had seen enough of her posts to know we wanted to meet her even if we didn’t play with her. She is somewhat famous on the forums and we certainly noticed her a lot through the years. Mark sent the first email asking her if she wanted to meet up while she was on her trip. Obviously, Mark wrote something more than just that, but that was the main point of the email. Sophia responded by opening their BSP and we reciprocated. She reiterated a few things in our communications – she was traveling alone, she hall passes, she doesn’t have to have sex to meet with anyone, and while she is bisexual playing with women is not something she does all the time, she is rather picky about what women she plays with… nothing personal, but she doesn’t play with women to get things started or fulfill another woman’s fantasy of having someone do everything for them…

I think I came when I read that, she said it a lot nicer than I wrote it there. I however could have yelled ‘DITTO BABY’!

Sophia explained that she likes to let others know their expectations up front and part of that is that they generally do not do couple dates because of some ‘past trauma’ (lol) from some couples… they “will do house parties and hall passes… and rare couple dates… but they have to pass a rigorous vetting process.” Mark fell in love with that honesty she had. We rarely do couple dates anymore. For the same reasons.

We knew we had to meet with Sophia. She was just like we had seen her on the forums. Yes, we had a forum crush on her. We admit it. We love it. She is a hoot.

She had time before she would be meeting up with someone that would take up most of her time on her trip, but we could meet after she arrives on Saturday afternoon until she would meet up with them on Monday around noon.

Then it turned out that they were coming earlier and we could meet anytime between Saturday afternoon and Sunday about noon…

And then it turned out they changed their plans and she was going to have some 1-1 time with just him on Saturday… and well, she hoped we understood…

We did, but we weren’t happy about it. No one likes to find out that they didn’t make the cut. But she explained that this guy was the reason for the trip, the limitations on the airline flight schedule, and it made sense as this other couple was trying to match their trip schedule with hers.

And to find out later that we postponed meeting her only to have her 1-1 plans basically fucked up without her being told it was going to happen. Let us just say we were holding a bit of a grudge. And were a bit angry on Sophia’s behalf. It wasn’t really much consolation that we were not the only people she had to cancel plans with during the trip.

Then to learn that a lot of what she did was wait on them to do some stupid shit that she could have kept her rental car (was told she wouldn’t need it) and kept some of the plan she had made, yeah, we were pissed on her behalf. According to what Mike and Sophia shared with us before and when we met, she was pretty much treated like shit. We happen to know the couple she was meeting and they are not on our list of people we like anymore. That was shitty behavior no matter how you try to justify it. Apparently, I am still upset about how they treated her. She has forgiven them, but I am not ready yet.

When we made plans to meet, Sophia let us know that she was still recovering from this shitastic episode of shitty behavior, I will have to admit right now how much I want to explode on both of them (the other couple) for how they treated Sophia. Mark and I both agreed that we would not say anything to them on her behalf when we run into them. It is hard.

It is even harder after seeing how Mike and Sophia are as a couple, as individuals, as swingers, and how they did not deserve to be treated like this. Mike is not as ‘wide-open’ as a person or swinger as Sophia is. She is one-of-a-kind. Mike and Sophia work and largely because they do not get caught up in jealousy. Mike is not always happy about the ‘infatuations’ men have on Sophia, but she sure does enjoy them. We noticed that Sophia genuinely enjoys Mike making friends, having lovers, and fucking himself blind (I am not doing well staying on topic, but Mike fucked me so hard one time that he swore he fucked himself blind. He wasn’t blind, we just caused the lamp plug to come out of the socket, plunging us into darkness.)

When I was communicating with Mike, it was not the easiest thing to do. He doesn’t flirt naturally. If you are surprised by that because of Sophia, then you are not alone. Sophia flirts with everyone and naturally. It is so much a part of what she does, who she is, and how she communicates, it is amazing how quickly she makes people feel comfortable. Seeing the conversations she and Mark have and comparing them to Mike and mine, I learned quickly not to do that anymore. I had to learn how Mike communicates and what makes him want to communicate. Sophia didn’t give many hints to me to help me out. She told me that when I learned what worked on Mike on my own it would make it so much better. She was right. When I tried to flirt with him like how Sophia did with Mark, it fell flat. However, when I sent him a picture of a beer that I wanted him to try, our conversations went in a sexy direction.

Mark and Sophia had a blast communicating. She brought out a lot of ‘secrets’ of his without really trying. She encouraged him to share with me what he realized or what he shared with her. We did that and fuck, it made sex so much better.

I tried to copy some of what they talked about with Mike to see if it worked with him. It did. Holy fuck, she is like a swinger whisperer. I would ask a question in a what that made him tell me a story. We would then use that conversation for days learning more about each other. Want to know her secret? Ask her. You will suddenly realize why so many guys like her so much. It is so fucking simple. But so effective.

I found out that Mike (and I have permission to share this) is a people pleaser and is rather submissive. You may have read some of that in other posts Sophia has written about in the past. He is not like a submissive man in the common manner, he will take the dominant role on as needed and will fuck me blind, but I am getting ahead of myself.

I asked him a lot of questions about what he liked and didn’t like. I was surprised when he said few women actually ask him that questions. Most he has been with have been along the lines of dead fish and pillow princess… apparently, when he gets those women Sophia gets the man who can’t get enough of her or fall hard for her. I could tell him I know that feeling, Mark and her run into that a lot too. Mike said that when Sophia gets a guy who is done in three minutes or can’t get it up, he gets a wife who can’t get enough of him. He feels like he is being used as a gigolo. It is why they house part and hall pass.

That is where we are in our (Mark and I’s) swinging adventure. It is less adventure and more a pit of snakes.

Mike asked me a few questions too, like, do you enjoy oral? Do you enjoy getting fucked? I laughed when he asked me that and I texted Sophia and asked if I could talk to Mike on the phone, she said, go ahead. I called Mike, he was next to Sophia so we had an interesting conversation as to why Mike asked those questions. OMFG!

We laughed and cried from laughing so hard with that conversation. Mark was ‘jealous’ when he got home. So jealous he called Mike and asked why he wasn’t able to call him on the phone. Heaven help us, we were out of control. The four of us talked on zoom for almost two hours. We regularly talked on the phone. Whenever the spirit moved us. Usually when one of us was in the car.

Mark and Sophia didn’t talk as much on the phone as Mike and I, Mike, Sophia and I, and Sophia and I did. The shit ‘they’ put her there was taking a toll on her. I swear it is still very hard for me to not publicly lash out at ‘him’. And ‘her’. And Sophia needed to stop making excuses for them. I saw the texts and emails and wall posts. That is messed up shit.

When Mark asked her straight out why she won’t communicate with him as she had in the near past and why he doesn’t get phone calls, I swear both of our hearts broke. Sophia was gaslighted and she knew she was being gaslighted when it happened, but it still hurt her. It caused her to second guess everything she did, was, and thought. He fucked with her big time.

Mark called her up immediately and had a come to Jesus meeting with her. She had been working on it with others in her tribe and she was trying to get ‘better’, past it, unbroken, but it was so hard. Mark’s heart was broken that night listening to her. He had the phone on speaker as he couldn’t stop pacing back and forth and yelling profanity at this ‘couple’. I kept telling him to stop yelling that it wasn’t helping Sophia. But oddly enough, it did help some in a way we didn’t know it would.

Mark being so pissed at this couple on her behalf told her that she mattered. She knew she mattered to Mike. That wasn’t nothing new, but to know that we were this upset on her behalf.

Like I said, we know this couple. We know how they behave. We also saw the messages sent to her. That was low and shitty what was done to her and to think he said he loved her. Other than Mike, her badass tribe she talked about in a previous post and us, no one knows or has seen the shit he wrote to her or the treatment of her. Let me tell you something, Sophia is an amazing woman. She is strong and loving. She is funny and full of happiness. And he would tell her why he loved her and then treat her like she was nothing without a second thought. I have asked her many times why she actually loved him. Not the nicest thing to say to a new friend, but fuck, he does not deserve any of her love.

That night bonded us like nothing else could. I can’t tell you what the bond is like, if I said it is like family, that is a bit creepy. I love this girl like no other swinger partner I have ever met. I love Mike like no other swinger partner I have ever met. The same for Mark. But we are not in love with them or their family. Thank goodness. Fucking Mike is something that cannot be missed ladies.

We met – Mike, Sophia and I on a trip and I fell in love with this couple – again, not IN LOVE but in love with who they are in person. Who they are as a couple. If you are looking for a couple who only talks sweetly and without any passion (they have been together for 30 years – they get annoyed with each other and own it… that is what I mean about passion) this is not the couple. Sophia will tell Mike what she thinks and he does to her as well. They do not pretend to be a perfect couple, and can we get a Hallelujah?

They are as real as a couple can be and yet, you can tell they love each other. When Sophia tells stories of her adventures and talks about some of the guys that annoyed Mike, that is fucking hilarious. Mike told a few stories of times he ‘fucked’ up. One time the guy Sophia was with was done in less than 5 minutes. She was bored, the bed wasn’t big enough for the four of them to be laying there if two were done. Mike was oblivious to Sophia being done because he was being a great partner and fucking her senseless. After nearly an hour she tells Mike to finish up. He looks up and asks ‘are you done?’ Them telling me this story was funny but wait, she urges Mike to finish the story, he does. Mike says, this couple lives by a Walmart and Sophia says, let’s stop at Walmart I have to pick something up. Mike tells me that he asked if Sophia had a good time and she let him have it. Right in Walmart about how clueless of a swinger he is. Something about looking up once in awhile to see… I don’t know if I am actually being fucked! Mike explained that this was in their first year and still trying to figure out how shitty some adventures are. They have changed how they do things because of Mike being too focused – Sophia interrupts and says not too focused, oblivious to anything else. She rolled her eyes at him. He admits to paying attention to his partner, but then corrects himself and says, this is why separate rooms are are favorite. While Sophia won’t let the other couple know she is not happy, nor Mike, he has been caught off guard by her immediate response when asked “did you have fun” when they get in the car. He learned so much about paying attention as a swinger.

They were laughing so hard telling these stories. The things you learn while swinging.

This blog post went a direction I was not planning. I will continue with my promise to tell you how good Mike fucks.

Mike and I have learned a lot about each other as friends and lovers. One of the best things he does, and so few men do this as swingers, and Mike does it so well. Mike fucks me like he actually likes me for me and responds to me and what I need. It is not a ‘servicing plan’. I am not being serviced. I am the center of his attention while I am with him.

Yes, him and Sophia do share a kiss or two while he is fucking me. Literally, depending on the position she is in and I am in, he will slide his cock in me, give Sophia a kiss and not miss a beat and fuck me harder. They got that timing shit down pat. I think it is because he learned to PAY ATTENTION to his surroundings. Always something to learn in swinging.

Yeah, they have a good thing going and never have we had as much fun being fucked senseless.

I will share more in my next blog post.

Wet Kisses, Amber

Last Weekend, Why It Worked

Last weekend we had some friends spend time with us, quite a bit of time getting to know each other and having a lot of fun. We laughed and talked and made out and had sex and did it over and over again. During some of our talks, we learned what it was we wanted from our weekend and our friendship. Amber and I had talked about the amount of time we had to invest in a real friendship being a few states away. What was it going to take to really get to know each other and not have it turn into a lot of work was little lasting reward.

We were able to figure out what we wanted as friends and lovers and partners of lovers. There’s a lot of different roles all thrown together and a lot of navigating if we wanted it to work out. We found that having honest conversations about our expectations and frustrations and what we’re looking for or wanting to avoid really helped us navigate the fun we had over the weekend.

I joked with Amber a lot about having a crush on her and she joked just as much about having a crush on me. What we realized was we enjoyed each other in a very organic and platonic manner. I think that had to come first and it had to be something that both invested in along the way. In the past it always seemed like it was a competition between me and the other wife or girlfriend and initiated by the other wife. I have never felt I need to compete with any other wife or girl friend. To me there is never a reason to compete with the other woman. And I never did.

When Amber and I talked before we met we talked a lot about this need for women to compete with other women. And it always struck me odd that a woman who was already in a relationship with a boyfriend or husband felt the need to compete with the other woman in a swinger situation. Amber and I have both struggled with this issue with women. And it is challenging to know how to navigate or even if it is worth navigating. Personally I choose not to navigate this as a rule. I have changed my swinging habits to be more hall passing and less couple dating.

This was something that I wanted to really look into and pay attention to while in the midst of this weekend of fun to see how this would play out if I set the intention to develop a deeper level friendship with Amber from the get-go. Now this is a lot of work I think on top of trying to get to know the guy I actually want to have sex with and I was not alone in this thought. Amber was also wanting to build a deeper friendship with me to see if this would actually work out in the long-term and not just a once and done even if we hang out with no further sex between the two newly formed couples but rather a rare hall pass.

Most swingers talk about not wanting drama and it is there… and it rears it’s ugly head a lot… and it is often centered around women. Amber asked if she could guest blog on this topic… this is the first of several blog posts from her.

“We have been swinging since 2011 off and on. I have been the instigator more than Mark and I have put the breaks on it quite a few times. Each time I said I was done it was after I dealt with wife drama. I am not willing to put up with this behavior and I don’t. Mark has gone along with my lead because he is aware enough to see what the others are doing. To be honest, it is not always the women pulling this bad behavior. It is both. I have had some of the worst lovers, literally not very good at the actual sex act and that makes for some resistance when having to put up with behavior less than ideal from their spouses.

I have a lot in common with my male partners as they try to get to know me even if the purpose is to get laid. When Sophia and I started communicating she made as much of an effort to communicate with me as I did with her. I did notice that a few times when I didn’t put forth effort in talking with her she backed off some. I reached back out and we resumed our communications. When I backed off, so did Sophia. The 3rd or 4th time that happened I asked her about it… after following her blog and all her forum posts… I got an answer that didn’t surprise me… “most women in swingerville only care about themselves and what they want everyone to do to prove they are worthy to bow down in front of… I have no desire to play that game and don’t… nor do I expect it.”

That was all it took, I found a soul mate in another woman in swinging. She gets it I told Mark. She really gets it. That started a lot of conversation between us… and it allowed me to be a good friend for her during some of the things she has recently blogged about… we realized how our swinging has changed to navigate our bad experiences.

Mark and I really hit it off with Mike and Sophia and we feel it is largely due to the reality of what ENM means to us and the fact we do not approach it in a manic or desperate manner. Mike and Mark love fucking other women, we love fucking other men, but the need to be the top swinger is not there… it’s not about the conquest… it’s truly about enjoying and respecting our partners while getting dirty with them.

I have enjoyed taking the time to get to know Sophia and was surprised how few women do… and how many wives do not like her because she won’t do more than what the other wife/girlfriend is willing to do for her. I realized I behave similarly and as a result I don’t have many female swinger friends. But those I do have are like Sophia, real friends as they have the capacity to be friends.

And that is why our friendship worked… all four of us have the capacity to treat each other with genuine curiosity of who they are and not solely a sex organ to fuck… a conquered profile name… a trophy… or an ego to stroke… or an ass to kiss.

I’m going to share on the next blog what it was like to be with Mike and watching Mark fanboy Sophia. Mike happens to have a beautiful cock and can fuck me in a new favorite way… if ever I could brag on a couple… how they interact with each other… how fun they are… how sex with them is a grand adventure, this would be the couple to do it on, we are hooked.

Muah Sophia and Amber