A Few Questions…

This blog will be a bit different as I am going to ask and answer a few of the most common questions… yes, I am going to do it both myself… a little weird to say it… but come on… every person who writes a blog, column or whatever will write the questions asked and answer them… so, yeah, my brain is working that way right now… but these are questions that many have asked me before..so, why not…

• Will full swappers play with soft swappers? 
• It depends… on the individual or couple…some are great and some are assholes..depends on which you come across.
• Why do some people look for a couple and their male half doesn’t play? 
• Good question.. if you are a couple where both play and you come across a couple where only one part plays… then expect a threesome and an audience… if you and your spouse are soft swap or if you are looking for a FMF… or FFM… this may be your answer instead of looking for a unicorn… as you know those are very hard to come by… 
• When at a party, do people actually have sex? 
• Yes and no..never a simple answer when asking about swinging… some parties are just get together and drink and talk and maybe kiss or show a bit-o-boob… some are fuck and suck parties as in… you can fuck or suck anyone you want… or not but watch… or you can do someone but your spouse doesn’t have too… or you…. well surely you get the drift… anything goes… it really depends on the party hosts… if they talk about play rooms, condoms, or naked by nine… that means playing is an option….
• If you are at a party and you want to play with just a certain person do you have to have sex with others? 
• Never… even if you are in a puppy pile, you do not have to have sex with everyone in the pile… 
• What is a puppy pile? 
• It is similar to an orgy… some call an orgy a puppy pile… but often a puppy pile is when two couples hang out on the same bed and anything or anything within your boundaries goes… Personally, I love puppy piles… but only if the female is actually bi… puppy piles can have any number of folks involved… 
• What does ‘actually bi’ mean?
• The bi person actually gives and receives rather equally…. there are other variations of bi, but they really need to be explained before play starts or someone is going to be hurt (feelings) that their wishes were not respected… 
• What does respect mean in the lifestyle to you?
• Ah this is a tough one as for me, respect is often demanded but not often given… If you want me to respect you, you have to deserve my respect. Demanding that someone respects you when their actions are not disrespectful makes it difficult for others to have respect for you. Just because you have all kinds of rules and beliefs of what respect is doesn’t mean that others will know what those rules are… and the rules are a bit crazy, then how on earth would they know them before they ‘violated’ them. Normal rules of respect seem more appropriate. Talk to me and ask me before you touch me…. talk to me and if my spouse is next to me… talk to him as well. Do not lie to me… be honest… oddly enough, many cannot do that… much like we learned in Kindergarten… oddly enough this doesn’t change just because we are swingers… just because you want to add all kinds of rules… someone NOT shaving their pubic hairs is not disrespectful to you…. and before you say it is your preference… consider you pushing your preferences on someone else is disrespectful…. so watch it… 
• Are you ever jealous when your husband is with another woman? 
• Overall my answer is No. However, I do get pissed when hubby is fucking a woman and their husband is an asshole and didn’t bother to tell me that he wouldn’t get it up short of an act of God. So to me, that may come off as jealousy but it isn’t. We were manipulated and lied to and that is NOT GOOD.  And it is not Jealousy… Like really, I am jealous of a limp dick when hubby can get hard all the time…. BUT….Hubby better pay attention and realize what the fuck is not happening on my end and finish me off… the lying couple doesn’t deserve him making sure the lying wife is getting it good… the first time that happened… I may have appeared pissed… the second time, hubby stepped up and finished me off in a spectacular fashion… and well… again it isn’t jealousy… I do not get jealous of hubby with another woman. IT TURNS ME ON! I also do not get jealous of hubby because that means that I will have to limit what I get to do or who I get to do. I am too selfish to put that limitation on myself to put it on him because of jealousy. On a more serious note… I told hubby that we had to be able to do this jealousy free… if one of us is jealous then we will not do this… I am not a possessive person. I do not own him. We are not cheating on each other. We chose to meet with others and fuck them. Jealousy doesn’t seem to fit in there at all. NOT AT ALL… and despite that fact that watching hubby making his moves with another woman turns me on… I am not the type that has to watch him while he is making his moves or fucking the other woman. He can be out of my sight and it still turns me on… not jealous.
• How hard lined are you on your preferences?
• Not hard at all. Seriously. I prefer non-smokers. I have kissed and fucked smokers. I prefer guys with hair on their head and have been with bald men and had lots of fun. I have no particular TYPE of guy and have lots of fun with all types of men…. same with hubby…. we enjoy the person we are with not a type or preference…. there are some that look iffy on paper and a lot of fun in person… and those who look fun on paper are boring as shit in real life… so no hard lines on my preferences… but believe me… I do know that anything can happen… and sometimes a ‘perfect’ prospect does something ‘horrific’ when we meet and they cause their own demise…. LOL… 
• How important is friendships to you? Do they mean more than the sex?
• That is a tough one… I have had people who wanted to be friends or so they said and then we had sex and they only wanted to have sex. I am okay with once and done… just be honest about it… I am okay with being friends… but I do not need to be friends with someone I fuck before or after. However, we do seem to have a lot of fun and have a number of people that I consider friends… but the real friends are fewer than one would believe… and that is because REAL friends are well… real… you do more than just fuck and talk at parties. 
• Do you like men to cum on your face? 
• NO.
• Where do you like me to cum? 
• Well call me old fashion… but in the usual holes… mouth, puss… and well.. you get the picture… in the swinging world… where condoms are used… I am not the girl to cover with cum… maybe once in a while on my breasts… but let’s get real…I am really not interested in having cum all over my body because you didn’t want to wear a condom… if you are unwilling to consider licking your cum off my body… then find a better way to taking care of your load…. kinda crass I know… but come on… have you ever tried to get cum out of your hair or find all the places it spread too before it dries and you are peeling off a layer of cum while still at a party? Or having to take a shower and NOT look like you are a fucking drowned rat…. 
• Condoms, disease, and other germs…what do you think about all that?
• With everything you do in life… like living… there are risks… if you choose not to wear a condom you put yourself at risk… you are believing what the other person says about their ‘health’ is true… even if a condom is used all the time… disease can happen…. and then  you have the oral sex portion of it and believe me this is a conversation you need to have with your partner and make sure you are on the same page and have accurate information. Even if you do everything right, you can get exposed to some nasty shit… life is full of risks… and sometimes that includes flu, mono, strep…. and the common cold… if you are going to swing..be aware of the risk… man or woman up and accept responsibility for the risks… don’t whine about the risks if you are not willing to accept the risk… and if you don’t feel comfortable… get the fuck out! Not to be mean… but you will need to do what you are most comfortable with and if you are going around and talk about how you are fearful of getting something… people aren’t going to want to be around you… because you basically called them a diseased ridden individual. So that is my thought on the subject…. 
• What is your favorite position?
• I love getting fucked from behind and I love anal… so I have a few favorite positions… and I found that sometimes my favorite position is the one I never tried before… lots of fun to be had if you are willing to be open to the possibilities…

Well, if I don’t stop and get this posted….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…. and if you have any questions… just ask… 

Sophia

At Loss For Words

I have tried for hours to come up with a blog topic for today. I am at loss for words… Not because I have writers block but because I have too much to say and not sure how to get it out… I have some things going on lately that have really boggled my mind…

I wanted to write about some of them.. but it is too early to do so… it would not be a good thing after I posted some of this stuff… It may not go over well… but when it is time… I will… not trying to be cagey on what the topics are… but it is one that is very fresh in my head/life right now…

So, I have decided to make this blog post a bit different…

Here is my twitter handle… @sophiasays69… it is an interesting feed… and I have some interesting followers and those I follow… Hope you if you have a twitter account you follow me and let me know you follow me and my blog… I use the same photo of me so you should know that it is me… If you have never followed some of these types of twitter folks.. you may want to make a separate one for your sexually social adventure life and your vanilla life.. .may not want those you come in contact with in everyday life.. see some of the things shown and posted… but it is a lot of fun to have something a bit naughty to enjoy…

Here is an interesting link… http://www.businessinsider.com/which-sexual-fantasies-are-normal-2014-10

It is about the commonness of kinks… or at least certain kinks… you might find it interesting…

Another study provided these interesting facts… http://www.nationalsexstudy.indiana.edu/

• There is enormous variability in the sexual repertoires of U.S. adults, with more than 40 combinations of sexual activity described at adults’ most recent sexual event.
• Many older adults continue to have active pleasurable sex lives, reporting a range of different behaviors and partner types, however adults over the age of 40 have the lowest rates of condom use. Although these individuals may not be as concerned about pregnancy, this suggests the need to enhance education efforts for older individuals regarding STI risks and prevention.
• About 85% of men report that their partner had an orgasm at the most recent sexual event; this compares to the 64% of women who report having had an orgasm at their most recent sexual event. (A difference that is too large to be accounted for by some of the men having had male partners at their most recent event.)
• Men are more likely to orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse; women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts and when oral sex or vaginal intercourse is included.
• While about 7% of adult women and 8% of men identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual, the proportion of individuals in the U.S. who have had same-gender sexual interactions at some point in their lives is higher.
• Adults using a condom for intercourse were just as likely to rate the sexual extent positively in terms of arousal, pleasure and orgasm than when having intercourse without one.

I am in a odd little mood today… and was seeking out some ideas of what to write out… and I found some of these things… that brought up some interesting points… 

First of all, kinda curious about the 40 combinations of sexual activity described at adult’s most recent sexual event. That may be a point to investigate more… wonder if we have seen that in our most recent house party…. 

Well, not much else for me to write today… like I said… I have several topics in my head but the emotions are still too new and raw to discuss them now… 

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure… 

Sophia

When Real Life Interrupts Your Adventures – Being Parents

I cannot stress enough that you have every right to live your adventure your way… so when I give my opinions on certain topics about swinging/sexually social adventure/lifestyle… I am simply giving my opinions…for whatever in the world they are worth… and most likely not much more than food for thought.

But oddly enough… there are times, like I said before that I am afraid to say something because someone may find what I write to be about them… and then they may get upset….

I reviewed some of my posts… and I looked at some of the stuff that we have put up with in our adventure and thought… you know what… I hope that person never contacts us again… I hope that person is pissed at us for pointing out what they did was rude, inconsiderate, or other similar words… so if my posts keep them from contacting me… well job well done….

Why? Not because I am PMSing, in a bad mood, or just needing to get my bitchiness out….. but because what you did is stupid…. and it is the stuff that makes this adventure difficult or at least annoying… giving it a bad name…. for us and for the others you do this shit too… and you know what… we all know that people will do the same stupid shit over and over again until they are forced to change…. and change is very slow if at all at happening…..and that is coming for an optimist….

I love to tell people who think that the post I make on the forums or blog are not them…. alone…More than likely you did not rate high enough to be the sole focus of my blog posts…. your most recent behavior may have been the catalyst for me thinking of the topic… but sweetie… you are not the only person I have contact with… and sadly or happily depending on your point of view… you are not the only person who acts stupid when it comes to sex and sexually social adventures…. 

Now, we began our swinging adventure when our youngest was 18 and a few months from graduating from high school and heading off to college…. I do not think we could swing if we had to deal with babysitters and when I say babysitters I mean the cost and hassle of getting babysitters… paying babysitters, hiding what we look like before and after we come home… or getting them home safely if they aren’t driving or even if they are driving… making sure they aren’t necessarily driving home at 4 am…

Nope don’t think we can do that… 

Nor could we do the whole having other playmates come to our home and have sex while the children are at home… even if they are little children…. You know what… we just don’t need to fuck strange that bad…. we do not need to place our children in that situation…. and we do not think you are so hot… so wonderful… that we need to fuck you with your children home… honestly… don’t think anyone is that hot for us to think that…. 

Unless you have worked with children and had to find out what they know… what they see… what they hear… and how they interpret those sources of data they get as a child…. you are not aware of what all a child is aware of… and if you were… you would be far more careful of what you did or said in front of a child…. 

Children are unable to process the fact their parents have sex… they do not understand the  noises parents make when having sex… and come on folk… sometimes it sounds like daddy is being mean to mommy… or mommy is being hurt… or if calling names is being done while having sex… a mommy screaming out while having sex is scary for a child who may think mommy is hurting… and they want to help or at least find out what is happening to mommy…. they stand on the other side of the door… or they walk into the room… either way.. they do not understand what they are seeing and hearing….

And this is the same for children of all ages… we had an awkward moment (okay days) after our 18 year old son came home early from a school event while hubby was being rather vocal in stating what he wanted, thoughts, and that slap on my ass really did make a lot of noise… Our 18 year old son couldn’t look at either of us and by all that is good in the world… of the two of us… he hated his father that day… and several afterwards…. because of what he knew his father was doing to me… and he knew we were having sex…. he knew but couldn’t cope with the knowledge of his father fucking his mother…. even when you, yourself are having sex (not the case for our son at the time) but when you had sex and you heard your parents having sex.. yeah… it is still difficult to grasp that thought and run with it… it is something that will stop you in your tracks… my parents having sex…. but to hear it or see it… TRAUMATIZING no matter the age… 

But let’s say that child hears his daddy call his mommy a whore and he is in third grade and he already knows that whores are considered bad…. yeah.. you know what… they are not able to process the reality that sex between adults is not slide in, deposit sperm, and pull out and be done with it…. or your cute little 4 year old likes a little girl or guy in preschool and calls him/her a whore like daddy does… and the preschool teacher freaks the fuck out…. 

Children do not process things in the same manner as adults.. and often adults do not process things properly… so things of their past can mess up their way of thinking as adults… yeah.. consider the number of folks with sexualy dysfunctions, mental illness (not because of sexual dysfunctions), or just hangups… how did those develop?????

Consider your personal hangups and issues you have as an adult that you can point to a parent, grandparent, teacher, preacher, or sibling that really fucked up your life or beliefs or thoughts on sexuality…. 

See the connection…. Your childhood affects your adulthood… you cannot escape what your childhood does to your adulthood… you can change the resulting factors… but they are there to either change, ignore, or adapt too… but they are there… 

Hubby and I do not like to have play dates in the homes of people with children at home… That doesn’t mean if you have children we won’t play with you… It means if you have children at home and we are invited to your home… we won’t go… play or no play…. we will meet you at a restaurant, a bar, or anywhere else… but not at your home…. we did that one time and the results were not good… and I explain that a little bit further down the post… 

There is something about knowing your child may hear us flirting with you… talking about sex with you.. .and you know what… when people drink and they are thinking they are talking in a clever manner… with coyness, and sexual innuendos… well… hot shit… you are NOT as clever as you think… and kids can pick up on it… and when you are rubbing your hand on my hubby’s cock and showing him your breasts and your kid peeks around the corner… or mommy is kissing a man not daddy or a woman…. yeah… this is confusing… 

And my hubby has a strong fear of fucking a woman silly and their kid coming into the room and seeing his mother’s legs up and over her head… his naked ass clenched as he is pounding into her… and her begging while moaning loudly to fuck her harder…. 

Yeah… the stuff traumas are made of… he doesn’t want to be the ‘stuff’ that child’s trauma is made of….

But there is another side and a more serious side that really pisses me off…. and that is when you joke about what to do to make your kid sleep while you fuck someone… 

For example… someone mentioned on chat the other night “cough syrup, just give them cough syrup”…. And you know what… That guy is a parent and I lost respect for him for his statement…. he was not the only person who has said that…. or did just that…… we had dinner with a couple that never bothered to tell us that they had a 3 year old… and then when we got to their house they had their 3 year old… a rather bratty one… running around the house… until they dosed him with medicine so that he would sleep… I have a real problem with that…. on so many levels and mostly because I am a parent that never dosed my kids for any reason, just that I have a bit of time without them being a pain… Maybe it was because my children were not a pain to me… they listened to us even as little kids… or maybe it is because I am a parent and a social worker… or maybe because there is/are many ways to have sex while being a parent that does not require one to drug the shit out of their kids…. Back to the chat thing… I didn’t find it funny… And today it is used as an example… and if he reads this and gets upset… GOOD… you need to know that it is not acceptable…. it was not funny… and you know what… if you think that this was about you… it is…. but not just because you said this… but because we ran across someone who did that to their child… and sex was not going to happen at all with this couple… even before we met their kid… so drugging their kid was not called for… as if it ever is… 

This is not funny… this is not something you joke about…. I never understand the need to drug a kid because you cannot deal with them… but to joke about it and come across as serious on a chat or forum or even in person… just so you can get fucked…

Yeah… I have a real problem with that… a real problem….

In my opinion… if you cannot afford a babysitter… if you cannot get away from home… if you cannot swing with your children home unless you drug them… then maybe… just maybe.. you need to think twice about this swinging thing….. drugging your kids is not acceptible… you may have to rethink your parenting priorities… and put swinging on the back burner until such a time as you can swing without traumatizing your children….

I wrote about this more than a year ago on a forum post and a mother of 4 wrote me a nasty response and basically told me that if her children wander into their bedroom while they have a swinger guest over… she will stop the sex and care for her children…. well good for you and your family… I was only talking about what our opinion is about this whole thing… if they want to have those situations happen… great… but I have a problem with parents drugging their kids so they can sleep through them making loud, drunken, sexual noises…. I also ended up stating… if we know that we are meeting up with parents of young children needing to pay for a babysitter… we have no problem paying for the room… to even out the burden… but our stance is still the same… we will not go to a home where young children are present to have sex with a couple… we do not want to be the reason they drugged their kids that day…. or possibly traumatize them…

Swinging is not a necessity in our lives… it is a hobby or a way of thinking and behaving that we enjoy… but by no means is it something that we will do at the sake of our children’s mental health… we take great care to make sure that we do not place our play mates into situations where they feel they have to drug their children or expose their children to witness their swinging activities…. and yes, we have told many parents who ask us to come to their home… no.. it is not worth it… having sex with you is not worth the potential for damage to your children just to fuck you….

It seems they have seen our perspective and have made arrangements to have their children cared for by someone else so they can play with us….

And for the record… I never play with people who joke about drugging their children for sex… even if it is sex between the spouses…. seriously people… these are your children… not inconveniences… it certainly doesn’t make you FUCKABLE joking about it….

Again… just my opinion….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia