Category Archives: threesomes

Well That Was Fun…. Really It Was….

I haven’t written since Friday… On Saturday we hosted our first house party… I was very excited about the party but not overwrought with nerves and certainly didn’t have an anxiety attack… I  did a few things for the party prep each day.. and seriously… we finished party prep early without trying and taking time out to sit down and have lunch while running some errands… and talking with the boys…

Okay… side track here… it is like the kids have a radar… Our oldest calls me on the phone to talk to mom about his new insurance plans he has to choose from…ask a few questions about insurance terms, needed a few examples of worst case scenarios and so on and so forth… 30 minutes of a call… at 3:30 pm…. do so love that boy… he still needs his mom…. hubby comes out where I am on the phone with our son and begins to ask me if I could check his shaving job on his balls and cock… stopped him before the full question could come out… thank goodness… I would really hate to explain why he father is hollering out… “Can you check and see if my balls and cock look okay for the party tonight?”

Then our youngest texts me and asks if I can edit his final exam…. it is an 8 page paper… did they have party radar on??????

Back on track with the original story… I had plenty of time… hubby and I got up and he went to work for a couple hours.. I lounged around for a bit reading my kindle… then I showered, drank some chai in my robe while reading a bit more and then texted hubby asking what the fuck… two hours is what you promised… I have errands to run… that wasn’t nerves.. that was annoyance… you are salaried… you do not need to go in on the weekends… and make me wait to finish my errands…. I personally hate his job this time of year…. long ass hours always interrupting my plans… yes, that sounds so very selfish…. the weekends is suppose to be our time… yeah I am selfish about our time…. but anywhoooo….

He texts back that he is on his way home… I decide to get dressed… no reason to do so before he is on his way… he has a UPS errand for work to run… we do that and then I came first… LOL…. we went to get the remaining items we needed for the party…. it was about 10:30 am… we then went to a fabric store for another item for the party… and had lunch (or my breakfast) in between and were still home by 12:45. We fixed a chair, the under support needed reinforcement… and then we had a snack… then he cleaned a bedroom and I prepped some additional food… he swept, vacuumed, and took the garbage out while I dispensed condoms and wipes in the rooms…. seriously… we were all done by 3:30…. and we never broke a sweat…

We got cancellations all day long… and well into the early evening… it happens and it wasn’t a big deal as we over invited as we expected this… we were down 5 guests and we still had 14 in attendance… and we have a smallish home… this party was not for the numbers for the fun the numbers could have… and that goal I believe was accomplished…

I took the calls, took a second shower… need to be all nice and clean for the party… edited a paper, texted a few friends, answered emails, posted on the forums… listened to our playlist some… painted my fingernails… and was bored silly until our friends arrived at 6:30… thank goodness they came early… I asked them too for this very reason… well that and because I love hanging out with them… they are fun and sexy… and well… you get the picture…

I am a very organized person… I love and I mean really love hosting parties and it comes easy for me… I even rearranged furniture the day before and still was thinking how easy peasy it was…

The guests arrived and we had a few surprises… but even with the surprises… it was a great party… no one is expected to play at our parties but we do play at the parties… you don’t have too… but the more the merrier is my belief…

Hubby was asked to head off to one bedroom and joined in a threesome… while I was chatting and having fun with the guests… then I wandered off with a couple for a threesome while hubby was doing the chatting… then hubby found another round of fun later on and it flowed effortlessly… did I mention I love threesomes…. oh wow… love, love, love….

There were a few issues that came up.. like the handle on one toilet broke… and well, didn’t really seem like that big of a deal at the time… and because of some of the cancellations… the numbers were a bit off… in the numbers of men versus of women… but even that wasn’t a big deal…. just because you are at a party doesn’t mean you have to fuck them all… and some did fuck them all and some did not… and it was great… because of the flow of the party….

We made some new friends and some of the guests made new friends and new connections and you know what that makes it a very successful party…everyone appeared to be very comfortable at the party and when asked said they were… comfortable and having fun… and all but one has said they want to come back…. the one who didn’t say he wanted to come back didn’t really have much to say to me… his loss really… what he did say to me was not very good…. didn’t make a good first impression to me… and since we can assume I am the moving force in this adventure… picked the wrong one to piss off..  he started doing that early in the process… but it was confirmed when he arrived and who knows… everyone else said he was a nice guy… but no one really spent that much time with him that appeared to be ‘fun’…. and you know what… if the only thing you say to me is

  • Hi
  • Is so-and-so coming?
  • Did you throw away my half smoked cigarette? Why? (the answer to that is… I do not smoke. Putting  a half smoked cigarette on my stove and leaving it there for a couple hours is fucking gross… I have no idea who’s it was or why it was there… and if you wanted the fucking cigarette for later… keep it with you in your coat, pocket or whatever… but not on my stove…. disgusting)
  • Your toilet won’t flush…. 
Yeah, not really enough to get my panties wet…. doesn’t make me want you… and in fact… well….
But that was really the only down side of the party to me… 
The guest list was developed because of the information put in the profiles or from what we know of others… we had a few things that happened from the cancellations that messed up the ‘perfect’ guest list…. some of the folks that came would have really loved the ones who didn’t make it… but those who came were a lot of fun and we were glad they did come… 
As I said before… we met a number of new folks that we want to meet again… other connections were made and that is a great… and we want to have another party very soon…. maybe in January… 
I posted on our wall status the following… Would a house party be considered a success if you ran through your 7 hour 43 minute playlist and were well into the next hour and a half before the last couple left? OMG we had a blast! Our host duties split very well… hubby got pulled into the bedroom right away by one SF…Guess he wasn’t being TOO Analytical last night! Got to introduce a friend to my strap on…. which she used on me…. while her hubby enjoyed her from behind…oh the memories we have from hosting our first house party..
I had a lot of fun… at one point during the party… I was sitting on the sectional with many others and was listening to folks talking and had a dreamy look on my face… one guest asked if they needed to leave… I said no… I was having fun… I was relaxed… I was having a great time…. 
For a hostess to feel that way during her party… it was incredible…. 
I really enjoyed the last couple that left our party that night… what a great way to end a great night…. 
The next morning I was horny still and was pestering hubby… hell it was like 10 am and we went to bed about 4am… I was laying on the bed only wearing my robe… my legs hanging off the end of the bed and I asked him to come here… I spread my legs and wrapped them around his waist and asked him to fuck me… he said his head hurt a bit, he was really tired and didn’t think he could get hard… OMG is that a challenge… Please say that was a challenge… 
I took it as a challenge… he says… you have that after sex glow on your face.. I mention how much fun I had last night and loved hosting the party… he takes his pants off and tells me he isn’t very hard… he won’t be able to fuck me… again took that as a challenge… My legs were flat against his chest – my feet on both sides of his neck… my pussy was wet and hot… and I told him his cock would find its way home… and oddly enough it did… he fucked me for a bit in that position… then he told me to turn over… on my hands and knees – ass in the air… he slid into home and could barely contain himself… Oh, that’s right… the man who was not feeling well enough to fuck me… fucked me hard… came hard and landed on me with all his exhausted weight…. 
Oh yeah… that is why we are in this adventure… yep… there you got it… why I love this adventure… fucking strange, fucking friends, and fucking hubby…. the best of all worlds…. 
Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure… I sure am! 
Sophia

Managing Misconceptions…. Part One

For many exploring their sexuality…  they will seek out information…. and sometimes it is on the internet… sometimes it is in person… but no matter what information they seek out…. or YOU SEEK OUT… you have to understand… you have to take the information and process it and make it work for you…

If you blindly accept everything that is said to you as the truth you are going to be very hurt…. Maybe physically, emotionally, financially, however you feel hurt… you will be hurt… you have to access the information you are given and apply to you and your situation in a manner that feels right for you….

And I am a frequent forum poster, chat participant, and yes a blogger about sexually social adventures… and I am telling you to take time to really investigate what you hear or read and figure out what applies to you….

Here is the thing… I tell you this because that is what I do… in my life every damn day….

I do not do what people tell me to do as they tell me to do it….

I cannot even follow a recipe when cooking exactly as they say… I hate onions… I won’t add onions to a recipe… and heavens forbid I make that recipe again… I will change it up even more… add something extra… take something out… and let me tell you what I do when I get an idea in my head about something to make and there isn’t a recipe and I make it up as I go along…. 

Yep, that purple statement illustrates just how I am in real life…. I cannot follow a recipe because I have to tailor it to me and mine….

Imagine how I am in the great big world of sexuality… MINE…..MY SEXUALITY…. I am going to take what you give me and make it fit me… doesn’t mean I am going to change your way of doing things altogether… but I am gonna make what you do and what I do to now what WE ARE DOING…

But I can’t do that if I do not know how to make this adventure mine….

Below is a picture – hubby is holding the apron… our weekend friend – my lover – saw it and said this is SOPHIA… had to take a pic of that… because….well… they thought it was true…. I don’t know if I agree… but… yeah maybe a little…. because when it comes to MY SEXUALLY SOCIAL ADVENTURE…. let’s assume I’m right (about my sexually social adventure) and move on.

I write in the forums and on this blog about MY EXPERIENCES…. MY THOUGHTS…. MY, MY, MY…. and while it sound like I am an ego maniac… I am not…. I am sharing what it about me… not what is about you… but I hope you see yourself in something I write…

I want you to take what I write and say and think about it… think…”Hmmm, she mentioned something that I agree with… but that other thing… not so much… but then again… she brought up another point that really hit home….”

That is the point of all this… to open up discussion… between me and you and between you and your spouse, partner… lovers… whomever…

I get all kinds of comments and most are not on this blog… I get emails, main chat comments and private chat comments.. on the two sites I am on SLS and Kasidie (on a few others but never do anything with them) all the time about how they like my blog posts or my forum posts because I present information to them but do not preach to them… do not belittle them… do not make them feel stupid for wondering about something…

I received comments that others are looking forward to exploring this or that… that it opened a new window of thought, exploration, or a new experience with them and their partners….

It opened them up to the person hiding within…

When I was told that last comment… I was fucking floored…. I was humbled… I was happy… I was thrilled… but I was HUMBLED…. I have an impact on people and while my ego loved it… I also realized just how much that scared me…

Some people have called me pretentious….  some called me a bitch… some did some amazing passive-aggressive attacking… but this one thing remains true… I have an impact on others – good or bad – because I am willing to talk about what most consider a dirty little secret…

I talk about having sex on a sex site… I am not ashamed about the fact that I love to fuck strange… whether it is someone I have taken months to get to know or just a few minutes before I began kissing him and him sliding his cock in me… I love sex with strangers….

I love sex with my husband… but I also love to have sex with strangers… or new friends I have made that until we actually meet are strangers and I have sex with them and my hubby knows I am having sex because he is also having sex….

Fuck… I love to have sex with strangers… and I am not afraid to let other swingers, sexually social adventurers, lifestylers, or whatever you call yourself know… I love it… A lot…

So no matter how much I think my adventure is RIGHT, PERFECT, AWESOME… it doesn’t mean that I haven’t changed the path of this adventure a few times.. it doesn’t mean I haven’t had to rethink what I thought was true for me and head towards a different perspective…

This is what life is all about… finding what works for you by trying, learning, living… oh yes… living…

There are a few misconception out there and I am gonna talk about them over the course of a few days… to see if we can set the record straight or at least as straight as possible in this manner… to discuss how we can move along for one person’s opinion as the RULE but also to look towards the widely accepted rules in its broadest sense that welcomes others who have to move along towards doing this sexually social adventure their way….

However, no matter how much you make this adventure your own… you have to remember.. YOUR RULES DO NOT TRUMP ANOTHER PERSONS….. you have to learn how to play nicely with others and that means learning the art of compromise…. otherwise you aren’t really on a sexually social adventure… you are on a solo trip to disappointmentville…..

Topics include….

My rules trump your rules
Preferences versus absolutes
How judgmental Swingers are
Fear of exposure
Due diligence
High Mileage vs Low Mileage
Listing all your rules in your profile
Picture choices
Hall passes – do they really have them?
Full/Soft Swap
Erectile Dysfunction
HWP – Height Weight Proportional
Single Males/Females
Pillow Princess
Everybody who is a swinger swings…..
Safe Sex
Marriages and Swinging
Labels in Swingerville
Hot with Not is always a Hot Wife Not Hubby
BI whatever you are or not
BI Play in Threesomes
Shyness a good thing to admit to in Swingerville
Not every woman is Submissive
Not every couple likes BDSM
Reluctant partners
When one partner has no game (in bed)
Laughing and/or having fun while having sex
FWB does it really ever happen?
Once and done

Please let me know if there are other topics you want me to discuss…. or if you have some things to add to this discussion… what you have experienced… either from viewing it or having it happen to you….

Let’s make this interactive as only swingers can do…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….

Sophia

What a Weekend….

We have had what I have to say is the best weekend of our sexually social adventure ever…. well at least in my opinion….

I do not know what part of it was the most incredible part because the weekend was so good… I will try to dissect it a bit so you can see what happened and the intricate parts of it that wove itself together and made it so incredible…

First I love to play hostess…. I love to cook for people… I love to make people feel comfortable… I love to be able welcome people to my home… for me it was an incredible opportunity as I said in another post to be able to welcome our first LS guest to our home…

There was something fun about being able to great this guest at the door with kisses that meant more than just a quick air kiss.. to fully welcome him to our home and if we are being honest…. to our bed…

Now, this man who came to visit is mentioned in What’s Love Got To Do With It Part Three – the guy from Texas…. so there was already a bond with him… hubby has read our story we were writing so he also knew of the bond…. and well that made it seem more intense between us….

This weekend was a big deal to me because let’s face it… a single man was coming to our home to have sex with me and sex with me and hubby…. but the focus was about having sex with me…. and yes, while I was going to have sex with him and hubby and sex with him alone and hubby alone…. it is a matter of having everyone comfortable…. and that means the single man needed to feel comfortable in our home and hubby had to feel comfortable in our home….

Now let’s just say that I had no worries about hubby being comfortable… we had been swinging for 18 months and I know how he is with me and other men… love how comfortable he is… and that makes this a great deal of fun… and this weekend hubby did not disappoint…

He was working until about 1am.. our guest arrived at 7:45 pm… so there was a great deal of time to get to know each other. It was fun to be in the midst of giving a blow job… and hearing hubby open the front door… hollar “Hey hubby” (real name not given)… and then our guest hollered the same thing as hubby walked down the hall… I had a cock in one hand and reached over to kiss hubby and undo his pants…

I cannot tell you how relaxed the night was… how much fun it was when nothing of the tense and other crap things you think may happen or you hear what happens to others and then you find yourself being fucked and sucked and you fucking and sucking and you know life is good…

Hubby was wore out but we sure did have some fun…

Did I ever tell you how much I love men… but to have two men to do as I please and do to me as they please… Oh My Goodness…. I absolutely loved it…

Falling asleep and feeling a cock so eager to fuck me…. and then going from one man to the other…

I think I may really like the idea of poly… to have more than one man at my disposal for when I need a good fucking or a MFM…

We did leave the house on Saturday… had sex before we left, when we got home and well, you get the picture…

I was tired and sore… but so very happy…. what a beautiful weekend of friends and lovers….

It is this type of weekend… this type of experience… this type of sexually social fun that makes me glad I am on this adventure….

To my husband and my lover…. thank you so much for incredible memories… it would not have been nearly as wonderful if not for you both….

I really hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….

Sophia

Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink Part Five

I often wondered if anyone knows how to approach others about their kinks… I asked the other day on chat at two different times… two different crowds… got a lot of answers and most of them were the same but worded a bit differently…. but they were the same…

People rarely talk about their kinks and even more rarely do so in a face to face setting… WHY NOT?

Fear.

Pure and simple… and we are not talking anything to extreme.. but the simple bits of kink….

Shame.

They feel there is something wrong with admitting they have a kink…..

Judgment.

They pass judgment on others so they know others will pass judgement on them….

But what would happen if they shared their kinks anyways…. didn’t worry about the fear, shame, or judgment?

I have a story… I know you are not surprised I have a story…. I have had a good number of experiences and I love to share… good thing huh? At least for this blog….

I had been chatting in main chat with this particular fellow and one day he private chats me. He starts opening up about himself and his ‘kink’…. OMG… this turned me on… and here is the honest truth as to why it turned me on….

And when I say turned me on… I am talking about a whole body reaction…

My brain was engaged…

My breasts were fully engorged…

My heart was beating so very fast….

My body tingled…

My pussy was quivering and oh so wet….

Every part of my body was reacting to what he was writing…

Why did this turn me on?

He CHOSE me to share it with….

He TOLD me these secrets…

He SHARED with me details and pictures and OMG….

He INCLUDED me into the fantasy he wove as he explained it to me…

I wanted him, his kink, and I wanted to participate….

I wanted to participate with him and with others….

I wanted to participate with my hubby… which meant I needed to share this with my hubby and I wanted him to want it too….

He did… I was so happy…

It was something I found very hot, very interesting, and something I wanted to know more about….

What I also found out through all of this exploration was how much there was out there that I wanted to try and learn and do….

I found out a lot about me… who I was sexually and how it was a side of me… not all of me…

That is the thing I think many wonder about.. if they give into this kink or any kink does it have to consume your whole life? Does it make you different? Does it make you odd?

The answer to those questions are easy to answer if you want to be honest…. and that is often the key… how honest do you want to be…

If you own who you are… kinks and all… there is nothing to fear…. self acceptance is critical…. now mind you… when I say nothing to fear…. that does not mean shout it off the rooftops at work… or at church… you will not likely receive a positive reception from everyone…

But when I say own who you are… I mean be okay with who you are… how you are… and what you need. It is so important that you accept you and what you are before you can expect anyone to accept you… and your kinks…

Now, if your kink is way outside the normally accepted kinks… you may have a bit of a problem convincing others to accept that kink… let’s say you enjoy anal sex and wiping any feces on your cock on the upper lip of your partner… (yes, that is a kink dirty Sanchez is what it is called and not one of mine)… you may have a little more difficulty finding others who will participate in this kink… Please know that you should not attempt this particular kink without proper notice and approval of the person who will receive such a surprise…. this may be some thing you want to discuss slowly with others…

Maybe find out what they like and do not like… what they will or will not accept… some tell you right off the bat… NO POTTY PLAY… and well, that would be potty play… a nice way of saying… no shit play of any type….

But that does not mean you should feel bad about your kink… Own it.. it is your kink… but find a place to use this type of play with those who are receptive of it… rather than inflicting a person to the kink unsuspecting…

For some… anal sex alone is a kink that is on the verge of potty play that they do not want to venture… and I get that…. but there are many things you can do to prepare for anal sex that will eliminate (no pun intended) some of the risk of feces in the play area…. and that is a part of owning your kink… finding out what is needed to make this kink fantasy a reality and one that will be accepted…

Okay, let’s say that you took time to prepare for anal sex and well I am sorry I just have to say this… SHIT HAPPENS…. guess what? When you stick something into someone’s ass that is a risk… sometimes the prep work was spotless (Sorry not meaning to be funny)… but during the heat of the moment… when the feelings of good times causes all kinds of things to be stimulated… it does mean that your umm bowels may be as well… it is okay…. it happens… I would just remember to prepare the area properly by using an old blanket or what have you in case of a smear or mark….

I am sure you are wondering why on earth am I going into all these gross details about shit and anal sex…

Because it is a part of owning what you do…

If you cannot understand that shit happens when you have anal sex sometimes then you are not owning your kink… you are not able to honestly look at your kink and prepare for your kink and all that goes along with it…

Until you can talk about the ‘ugly’ details of a kink… you may not be ready for your kink…

And that goes for any and all kink… like swinging… if you can’t figure out that at some time or other someone will have hurt feelings… or the sex for one is better than the sex for the other half of a couple… well…. damn… maybe you need to review what own it means…

Well, enough for now… sure hope many of you weren’t reading this while enjoying a meal…. sorry… should have put a warning label on it…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….

Sophia

Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink Part Four

What do we believe about ourselves largely defines what we do… sometimes we are open to new things but often we are happy to remain where we are… it is comfortable… it is what we know… it is safe…

But is safe what we really want to have everyday of our lives? For a good number of people who identify as swingers… numbers unknown because it is a ‘secret’ activity for most… they have moved passed their comfort zone to play out their kink – their desires… and that is essential for everyone to understand… if you swing you are exploring a kink…

Not every kink has to do with BDSM… and that is a misconception out there…

Ever have a fantasy… love vampire erotica… your favorite vibe… (rabbit is mine…Hitachi also a good one)… thought a guy in a kilt looks hot…. wanted to have sex with someone from another race…. anal sex… threesomes…. phone sex with your spouse, partner, boy/girl friend…. used whipped cream…. wet t-shirt competitions, porn, a party in college where sex happened and others were in the room with you…. not wearing panties in public and flashing those who cared to look…. see where this is going….

Kinks are out there in a variety of forms and fashion but most of us do not see using whipped cream on a nipple as a kink…

But it goes further than that… have you ever said you are a ‘tit man’ or ‘I love a guy’s ass’ or its their eyes that get me… for me it is often their smile… pantie melting for sure…. those are kinks…

Now I am sure someone out there is saying.. ‘darling (fantasizing it is a cowboy saying this to me), aren’t you confusing preferences with kinks?’

Oh my sweet and hot cowboy… nope….

Nope as in Kinks and Preferences are the same thing in a broad sense of the definition… most of us are just not willing to say the word kink because a lot of people immediately think of BDSM and that is not all that kinks are about….

Preferences often describe the kinks we have in us…. here is the best example I can think of…. a personal one…

I am not a submissive person in the traditional BDSM way of thinking of submissive… do not order me to do something.. I will not do it…

But if I find a guy who will ‘find’ out how to get me to do what they want… I will submit to them… but they still cannot tell me what to do… but because of the interplay that begins… I will do just about anything they want to do… and they often let me do the same… to them.

In this sense.. I have found that I will submit to a man who has in essence submitted to me first… and that led me to realize that I like to have a bit of control over men… and then I learned that I like to know that I have the power to make men want me… and want me as in get hard when they think of me… as in whether or not I am actively trying to get them hard they will get hard and then they will let me know they thought of me and got hard and that turns me on because I have control of this little part of a guy and even though they are strong, masculine, hot men… they want me and their body will get hard thinking of me… and wow what a turn on… and then if we meet and play and they wanted to do something that is out of my comfort zone I would do it because they are in fact just as unable to control their desire for me as I am for them….

But in all this talk of control… there is never any humiliation or degradation… it is simply a matter of trust and handing over control to gain control to hand it over again and then get it again and so on and so forth….

I am a person who likes to have and give control but not if there is anything humiliating about it…. that is one of my main kinks….

Now that I know this about me… I found that I enjoy different aspects of controlling (some call it being a dom – but I don’t like that as often it is assumed that a woman domming (is that a word) a man, calling him a sissy, being mean about his cock, his abilities, comes with it)….

For me… I like a man who is strong mentally and physically…. I want that man to want me so much that he will submit to me to get me to submit to him….

I have looked all over the Human Sex Map  to find where that dynamic is located… it isn’t… not as I have described… but that doesn’t mean that isn’t my kink…. that it isn’t a valid kink… it just means that the dynamic is not spelled out on a map…

And you know what… I doubt I am alone… maybe not on that particular kink but in general there are many who have variations of kink that they have yet to investigate….

As I sorted stated talking about… knowing this kink about me has caused me to look at a lot of the relationships I have with different people in my sexually social adventure… and the dynamic is there in all of them… but it is not as if I have screamed it out…

Now, if my kink was to tie a man up and pour wax on his cock and balls… I think I would talk to him about it first….  but for me… I did not realize this kink was a kink until I started talking with a friend…. he is a lot like me and when we talked about some of this stuff and realized that we had this in common it started to click for me… It started to make sense why I enjoyed this to a point….

With some men it has gone to a point where the fun has left because instead of submitting to me so I will submit to them….they took a different approach… they were like a little lost puppy… I found that a turn off… and I found myself in a mode that I wanted to end the relationships however defined… because they did not make me submit to them… they remained submissive to me…

I didn’t like it… I wanted and do want a man to take charge with me… but not ordering me to do something…

Here is a dialogue of what I find sexy and not sexy….

“Sophia, you make me want you.” He says that as he is kissing me hard and passionately… his hands are roaming from my hair to my breasts to my ass….

“God, you kiss good…I want to feel your mouth on my cock, I know you will make me feel so good, by the way you kiss me”…. I am undoing his pants while he is still kissing me and telling me these words…. I can’t wait to get his cock in my mouth…..

“I love how you take charge of my cock” as I am bringing that cock in and out of my mouth in a heated frenzy…..

And at that moment… the control of the situation is flowing between us both.. when I need to take control of his body I have the power to do so… but when he is in need of owning my body… he has complete ownership….

Not so sexy to me….

“You need to suck my cock good” I just stand there thinking WTF?

“You are my whore.” I am thinking of how to disengage and walk away… where are my panties again?

“I am going to teach you how to be mine”…..I should apologize now for kicking you in the balls…..

Nothing is going to happen that he hopes… I am not ashamed to admit it won’t work for me… I am not a girl who likes to be called a slut or whore….

I do not like my hair pulled in the direction of your cock… I will go to your cock willingly… do not force me to…. maybe your kink but not mine…

And isn’t that really what the problem is… when someone has a kink… they think everyone they play with has to follow that kink…

Instead of actually talking to people you are going to have sex with about things that really matter… they focus on all kinds of stupid shit… like how they need a HWP person to be friends with… or how they have to have someone who is shaved or how they can do oral like a champ… or other mundane and doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things

YET….

They will fail to tell you that they can only get hard if they are touching your ass or fucking you in the ass… yep, happened to me….

Or they fail to tell you that they HAVE to call you whore to get off… again… happened to me….

Or they have to bit your CLIT… WTF was that guys problem…. again… happened to me…

Or they have to watch their spouse the entire time you and him are having sex in order to have sex… however the wife doesn’t look over at him once…. again… happened to me….

These are things that people need to start talking about… share your kinks… share your preferences.. share your sexual needs… why is this a good thing to surprise your partner with….

I think that is why I am writing about kinks… so that others will see what theirs are… and it will start dialogues… and dialogue is a good thing….

Well, writing this in advance and today is the day of our first LS guest to stay in our home… got lots of things to do… so can’t wait…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….

Sophia

Our First Guest….

Taking a quick detour from the Kink series… I will be continuing that series…

We are having our first LS guest come to our house this weekend… I have to admit I am very excited… it is a man… coming to play with us all weekend long.. it is, as I said the first time we are opening our house up to someone that we really haven’t met before in person…. we feel this is a step we are ready to take… I mean we have had ‘strangers’ come to our house before in the vanilla world and surely it shouldn’t be so bad to take the same risk inviting people to our house…

Here is how I look at it…

I have invited friends, family, neighbors, and other people’s children in our home over the years… some of them have been good, some bad, some cute, some ugly (and I am talking behaviors here)… and some have bored the crap out of us… I can’t tell you how often we begged the day – evening – event to be over when they were boring or their kids horrible… we have many stories of when we didn’t want the day – evening – event to end because we loved being with them…

So as I sit here today thinking about opening our home to a ‘swinger’ guest… I cannot say that I am fearful of anything different from when the vanilla guests have come about in my life…. I am sure we will have good, bad, cute, ugly, and boring swinger guests as we have had with vanilla folks…

People are people after all… really the only thing that is different… and I am being honest here… is if I want to fuck my guest that comes over… I can…

There have been some vanilla friends from long before we knew they were called vanilla that I would have fucked if I had the opportunity… just to fuck once to see what it was like….

Hell, a few of our male guests seemed awful bent on long, breast crushing hugs where their arms were wrapped about my waist and back and touching my ass….

Dammit hubby… maybe Ben was a swinger….. or at least open to swinging…. I would have had him high on the ‘I’d do him list’.

But here I am getting carried away on other topics…. but the topic at hand is our first swinger guest in our home…

I am so excited about it….

I have done everything in my power not to think too much about it… as in not plan out every last minute and detail… I do like things to go naturally…

But I am very excited about this for more than just because this man is coming to our house and that I want to fuck him very much…

I am excited because it opens up a new dimension of our adventure… we are moving towards looking at how our adventure evolves with the comfort level with ourselves and our ‘friends’….

This is a benchmark in our adventure… and I am truly excited… so much so… I have written and have saved two days worth of blog posts because I may not be able to take time to write a post….

I may have to write a special post about how this all went…. likely I will have a few stories to tell…. and not about how open our house up to a swinger … but what we did when we opened our house….

Can’t wait for you to come this weekend…. and sure hoping you know that had several meanings there… and yes… can’t wait for you to cum and cum and cum…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….

I AM!

Sophia

Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink Part Three

I have throughout my sexually social adventure found myself learning a great deal about myself….

as I said in the first part… some of what I have found out is not sex related…. but me as a person… and I blame it on kink…. That is said tongue in cheek as it is not a bad blame but rather it is a happy blame as I discovered something great about myself…. 
Largely sexual freedom… yes, sexual freedom that has made me a better person… let me see if I can explain this and how it matches up with kink, finding your kink, exploring your kink or asking what defines kink….. 
When you are turned on by something… in this case as I am a swinger… having sex with other people besides my husband… and you have the freedom to explore and that frees up your mind…. frees it from guilt, anxiety, and other emotions that clogs up your brain and makes you feel like you are doing something wrong…. 
I can enjoy my swinging activities and partners because it is fulfilling my sexual desires… my sexual needs.. I crave variety and swinging (kink) provides that for me… 
But that is not all that I crave… I am not sure how to explain it to others where it makes sense… some of my kinks because when I mention a kink someone will automatically decide that my kink needs to go one way or another rather than my way… and that is I believe the hardest thing about finding your kink and letting others know about it… is if those you tell understand they have to listen to what you are saying rather than assuming what you mean, or assuming the role you will take, or assuming they know you better than you know yourself…. 
I believe it is possible for others to see something in you that you are not able to see about yourself…. I get that because I have been a social worker in the mental health field… I was trained to notice things.. I was trained and put into practice skills and knowledge to watch and learn… and by doing just that I can pick up on what people are like and likely to do… however, that does not mean I know everything about them… I have insight… but to really know that person… I have to ask them… I have to listen to them… I have to be willing to LEARN…. and many do not do that… 
And that is sad… but it isn’t rare… in fact it is sadly very common… very disappointing that it is very common… 
On chat one night I was talking in private chat with a female friend… she is very kinky and I say that with great respect for her… she has made it known that she is into BDSM and she is also into having a separate boyfriend and/or girlfriend… in many ways… we have a lot of similarities… but instead of assuming we are alike in all ways… I know that we have many more differences than similarities. That is what I love about her… I can learn about her and myself by having a conversation with her… and that is the key CONVERSATION WITH HER… not at her…. or about her… but with her… we can ask questions and defer to each other’s advice… we can see what we need to do to accomplish a task/goal/wishlist item… we have built respect between each other… 
We have also noticed that so many people fail to hear us when we speak… she likes BDSM whereas I really don’t…. when I am confronted with talk of it… I will listen and learn… but I have no desire to have nipple clamps or suction cups placed on my breasts…. and I am not talking about saying no without trying… several people have tried it on me… enough to say that I have no interest in nipple clamps… I only feel pain and it hurts… I derive no sexual pleasure from it… I hurt… plain and simple. The suction cup things feel like the suction from the breast pump… and that hurt like hell too… and if it wasn’t for the fact that it helped feed my babies… I would not have tolerated that either… I didn’t go around using my breast pump for sexual fun… it is not my thing.. 
I have tried it with several people…. and even after explaining it and telling them just what I mentioned above… I am constantly told that if I relaxed more I would enjoy it… if I embraced the pain more I would enjoy it… but the kicker comes when they ORDER ME to do it… 
Seriously… I am so not submissive in that manner… you cannot order me to do something and to have a threat of a spanking or told I am being a bad girl… I laugh in your face… I am not submissive in that manner… I have trouble while in church being told to turn to my neighbor and say “HOWDY NEIGHBOR”… that isn’t what I would normally say to people so don’t tell me to say that… 
So when someone goes on and on about the need for me to do something under the threat of punishment… I roll my eyes… and do not complete the plan… I fail to see why they won’t listen to me… I am NOT SUBMISSIVE….

I have kinks but that is not one of them…. please hear that and stop thinking I suddenly will… I won’t… it is not my kink…

I am also not one that does well with humiliation or humiliating others… but when I tell them of something that I am interested in finding out more about… well.. for example… the idea of denial of a man is interesting to me… it appeals to me…. the teasing of a guy to get them to the point of needing to cum but not letting him cum…. just yet… well, that is a great thrill for me… but not when I would have to call him a sissy, or degrade him in any way… I enjoy the thrill of the situation… getting a man hard and very horny… ready to erupt but not being able to cum… and sometimes that is because they are working… not because they don’t deserve to cum or they have to be degraded before they can cum… 
But so often that is the assumption and that is the attitude the others seem to take… talking about playing with a male chastity device does not necessarily mean degrading him… it means to me, not letting him cum and having a helluva good time teasing him… the denial of sexual gratification to me is a thrilling thing to do to a man… but not by humiliating him… but by making him want to cum so bad but he can’t…. in the same token… having him suffer a ruined orgasm… not as a manner to humiliate but to play and explore… 
I have to ask… why does everyone assume everyone else is just like them???? Have to do things just the same exact way???? Have the same motivations as they do???? 
Sometimes I want to scream…. I AM NOT YOU… STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME BE LIKE YOU?????? 
I don’t necessarily want to do everything like you…. do not try to talk me into it… do not try to pressure me to be like you… do not try to force me to be like you…. 
I am not like you and my desires to investigate this stuff is not like yours… I can make it however I want… so just stop….

But there are some that remain steadfast in the belief that if you do not kink exactly like them then you are doing something wrong… and that cannot be more incorrect…. doing your kink your way is allowed…

I was told that if you share your kink – your way and it is different than the way most do it you will not have anyone to do it with….  I challenge that statement…. what if.. what if… what if… you did mention you (male) like to use a chastity device (male) but you aren’t really into the humiliation portion of it… but love the idea of denial… and you shared that and the person (female) you took the chance on sharing it with found that highly erotic… a huge turn on… something she wanted to be party to and it spoke to her because she likes the idea of that but without the humiliation aspect….

That does happen… it happened to me… and because of this sudden awaking to a new kink in my life… I shared it with hubby…. and it has been mentioned to some others and I found that they would/are interested in this as well… some of them are into other areas of it that I am not… but there are several others that would be willing to delve into this as long as it wasn’t about humiliation – verbal degrading them…. 

But sometimes like many of us believe…. we will be laughed at or rejected because of our kink… And that may be the main reason most do not share their kinks with others… the fact that many in the lifestyle or sexually social adventures or whatever term you use to define your sex life… do not share their kinks is because people just will not listen to you when you try to define your kinks as they are but they are ignored because you are to be a certain way…. 
So where does this rant lead us… it leads us back to my friends I mentioned in yesterday’s post… 
“your kink is my Saturday night” and “kink is whatever takes you out of your comfort zone”…. 
It has to be your kink your way… and that starts by first vocalizing your kinks to yourself… and to your partner…. 
But if you do not know what your kinks are and you cannot admit them to yourself… then you will not have the confidence to stand up for your kinks your way…. 
A forum post about kinks on Kasidie took off in a bad way when someone said that to them anal is a kink… and someone with more kink experience said that anal isn’t a kink…. 
Well, it is… if it is something that is out of your comfort zone it is a kink…. there is no shame in trying it… or defining it… or deciding it is not your kink….

Last night on chat… I mentioned the Human Sex Map and that I found out by finding out what some of the kinks listed are about… I was grossed out… suddenly there were comments about judging people…. I was not judging… I simply said that there are some kinks that gross me out… Never was a single kink mentioned that grossed me out…just that I researched some and some grossed me out… I made a statement last night that I am going to mention it here… there is a difference between being grossed out and judging….

It is okay if a kink turns you off, grosses you out, or otherwise makes itself known to you that it is not your kink… knowing what turns you on and what does not turn you on is not a bad thing… IT IS A GOOD THING…. knowledge is a good thing… knowing what the names of certain kinks mean and if you are willing to do those things… IS A VERY GOOD THING…. let’s say you draw the line at playing with feces… you understand that anal sex has a chance of having ‘feces’ involved and are okay with that… you are even okay with rimming a man or a woman… but you are not okay with the purposely using feces as part of your sex play… there is nothing wrong with knowing where the line is… and what those kinks that use feces as a part of the play is… so if they suggest it.. YOU KNOW what it is you are venturing into…. ATM is not just a money machine and dirty Sanchez may not be what you really want to venture into…. 

Embrace your kinks… it is just as much a part of you as your other quirks in every other part of life… 
Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…. 
Sophia

Finding Your Kink…. Exploring Your Kink…. Or Asking What Defines Kink Part Two

Over the course of this series on kink I will reveal a bit more of my own kinks and I really hope that you will also reveal a bit more of your kinks to yourself and to your partner(s)….. It is a time of discovery and acknowledgement of your kink….

Which leads me to this small PSA (public service announcement) or is it a disclaimer… or both…… I feel this is important to state and get out of the way…..

There are some kinks that are less accepted by society… I am not one to judge another person’s kink as I am just beginning to explore some of mine… There are a few areas that I have no interest in pursuing or even witnessing… I have no desire to experience a donkey punch, jelly doughnut, or really anything that has to deal with using feces as a part of a sex act… I have no real desire to be tied up or dealing with humiliation at the hands of a dom….as a matter of fact… the role of submissive is not mine….I have no desire to have sex WITH an automobile or animal…. or a person acting like an animal…. but please make no mistake about my opinion about exploring your kink…. it is your kink and you should investigate it to the fullest extent of what you want….. BUT….if your kink involves children…. I have a problem with that…. I am not, will not, now or ever condone a kink that involves children….

I firmly believe that if you explore your kink it is with consenting adults ALWAYS… so if your kink involves children…. that violates that rule…… and in most locations  world wide violates the law….

So on to the more interesting part of this post now that I have made that disclaimer…..

How do you start finding your kink? I love referring people to the Human Sex Map. When I first began our sexually social adventure I was referred to this site…. it is a great resource to see what is considered kink and the many varieties of kink that are out there….

I will tell you the truth… while getting familiar with the Human Sex Map I also got very familiar with Urban Dictionary and Google Search…. there are many things I did not know, kinks, terms, and labels…. I admit I had no clue on some of this… but I can say I have learned so much since this began.
 And I have realize what kinks I don’t have, won’t have, and that is just as good as finding the ones you do have…..

Last night on chat on Kasidie a friend stated she loves this quote “your kink is my Saturday night.” It wasn’t the first time I heard that… but it was a reminder that everyone is different about what one believes is a kink is a normal avenue of play for others….

Another friend stated that his definition of kink is anything that is outside your comfort zone….

I cannot put the entire map on here… but I will cut and paste a few sections of it as it applies here…. you really should check it out… even if you don’t want to explore your kinks… or any new kinks… it is nice to see where you are at… because if you are reading this blog… sweetie you have a kink….

Here is one example….. Writing….

Yep, writing erotica, texting sexy little texts to friends and sex blogging is on the map…. 
And well since this blog is about my sexually social adventure also known as swinging…. 
Yep, there it is…. can you believe it???? I know… it is one of those things…. seems logical…. having sex with others while with your spouse would be rather kinky…. 
I thought it may be time to define kink by someone other than me…. here is the Wikipedia definition

In human sexuality, kinkiness or kinky (adjective), is a term used to refer to a playful usage of sexual concepts which are overt, accentuated, unambiguously expressive of sexuality. The term derives from the idea of a “bend” (cf. a “kink”) in one’s sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with “straight” or “narrow” sexual mores and proclivities. The term “kink” has been claimed by some who practice sexual fetishism as a term or synonym for their practices, indicating a range of sexual and sexualistic practices from playful toobjectifying and paraphilic.
Kink sexual practices go beyond what are considered conventional sexual practices as a means of heightening the intimacy between sexual partners. Some draw a distinction between “kink” and “fetishism”, defining the former as enhancing partner intimacy, and the latter as replacing it.[1] Because of its relation to “normal” sexual boundaries, which themselves vary by time and place, the definition of what is and is not kink varies widely as well.

Urban Dictionary has this… Noun – kink – Plural – kinks As in “a kink”. sexual tastes for a person. Usually a kink is an unusual taste in sexual behaviour. 

Well, having a unusual taste in sexual behavior is not an indication of mental illness according to the DSM V (American Psychiatric Association puts this out)…. read the article here…. http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2013/03/sexual_kinks_in_the_dsm_v_paraphilic_disorders_describe_unhappy_kinksters.html
What that article tells us… in case you didn’t want to check it out on your own… if you are okay with your kinks…. as it is not causing you mental anguish…. you are not mentally ill….. which is good news…. 
So that means… we can and should explore our kinks to see what it is we want to do sexually to increase interest, desire, fulfillment… with our spouses or partners… depending on your situation…. 
Sometimes our kinks do not match up to our spouses… sometimes our kinks do not match up with our partners…. 
And sometimes our kinks do… but we don’t know that because we do not talk about them – our wants, desires, kinks to explore because we are afraid to expose that part of ourselves…. 
Believe me that is true… 
Hubby and I talked last night about yesterdays post and where the future posts were going to go… and he mentioned that sometimes it is scary to admit that something that many do not see as a ‘normal’ kink is something they want to do… or the fact that they want to try it only with their spouse because their spouse wants to do it…. 
It doesn’t change the thought  process many have that if they admit to having these kinks or willingness to explore kinks that they are some how less than normal… less than ideal… yet, that isn’t how it really is… 
There is something refreshing to know that the person you are married too wants to do something more than missionary position – standard missionary position… 
But it is more than just missionary position.. it is the willingness to explore… to test the waters… to see what their desires are.. and how to address those desires…. to me that is very sexy… very much a turn on… to know that my husband is moving along in the sexual adventure with me… that our kinks are not the same and wow is that a good thing… we can explore many different things within our marriage and because we are also on a sexually social adventure… we can explore that with others… 
Which leads to the question, how do you share your kinks with others…. and how do you know when the time is right, how receptive they are to hearing it, and if they will be open to your kinks even if not asking them to participate… but in general conversation… how do you discuss it to find others who will participate in your kinks….. 
I think that is the question to discuss tomorrow….. 
Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…. 
Sophia

Hall Passes, Heaven or Hell? Part Three

Like I said before… we have had some experiences with hall passes on all sides… having them, using them, and playing with those who have had them…

When you mention hall passes you get all kinds of responses about the virtues and the evil… yes, some believe it is evil…. but in this case it is because of the stories they tell of their experiences… I will leave the names out of the stories of course… but the stories can do many things.. explain the fun of hall passes, prepare you for the unexpected, and yes, guide you in how you protect yourself….

I will start off with a story that is ours and recent… we wanted to see if we can find a single male or two to have a hall pass with while hubby is working long hours. This is in part for sex and in part for having someone to hang out with and talk to…. both the sex and social aspects of the sexually social adventure…

Hubby said that these rules had to happen and I agreed….
1. We all three had to meet first for dinner or drinks
2. We all three had to play together first before any solo play….

The reasons were obvious… we needed to know if there was attraction with the person… if they drove us crazy or if they were stupid, mean, or otherwise just not what we wanted… you know the normal process of vetting a playmate… then the playing together… a threesome… can this person actually have sex… is the sex good… is the sex good enough for repeat performances… YOU ALL KNOW I AM BEING HONEST… saying what you are all thinking…. what if I don’t like him and I am asking for a hall pass… well damn it… try it out and if you are not compatible then it isn’t worth it no matter how nice they are… a hall pass means solo sex and it can also mean sex with a person on more than one occasion… as in a repeat partner. If you are not sexually compatible… don’t hall pass with him/her… Know it is worth your time and efforts….

It has not been a successful campaign as I thought it would be… our position has been pretty clear… we must all three meet and have one threesome before we play solo…. that was spelled out right from the start… and so far… all the men have tried to get passed those simple rules….

Now I must say that the rules were just those two… they showed disrespect to us immediately before meeting and that gave us reason to stop it before it went any further….

The LESSON here…establish your rules for your hall passes and STICK with them….

Story 2 – Our Failure to Launch Hall Pass Guy…. this couple we have played with and met before play a number of times… his wife has hall passes and uses them all the time… he asked me very early on in our adventure if I had a hall pass… I told him that hubby is still on the fence… then after talking with hubby and since we had met and played with the couple several times, hubby was okay and let him know that if he would like a hall pass with me it was okay… we hear nothing for three months or so… then he wants to meet for lunch to explain what happened…. I do… then we make a date for the next week… he cancels at the last minute… then we make another date… he cancels… we meet at a house party… he sets up another date…. and cancels… It wasn’t as if I took the dates he set up seriously after the first cancellation after the three months of silence… but it was an interesting experience…. no hard feelings… I could go more into details as to some of the background dynamics… but that is fodder for another blog….

The LESSON here…. realize life gets in the way and sometimes if you are giving/getting a hall pass… it doesn’t mean it will happen and it doesn’t mean hall passes are no good… just the situation/person and see what you need to learn from it… and use that information next time…. I would likely tell him after that three months silence and the first cancellation (he had a good reason for the silence… hospitalization and near death) that you know… let me know when you can… if you can… and if you can’t that is fine… we can still be friends….

Story 3 – A man I met on the forums on Kasidie and I had been flirting and fighting in the forums for almost an exact year…. made plans to meet with me or me and hubby… my choice… I chose hall pass… hubby was actually thinking this was the perfect solution since he and I had such a connection… I wanted to meet this person more just to meet him than to have sex with him and I wanted to have sex with him badly…..urgently… and we had fun… it was like a date… between a man and a woman… and I laughed and we laughed and we talked and it was a great time… even before sex… even before any type of touching… it was so much fun…. and the sex… and the staying over… and the intimacy of the moment and folks I am not talking about LOVE as in I LOVE HIM AND WANT TO REPLACE HUBBY… but the intimacy of the relationship and sex… the culmination of a year of want, attraction, interest, and desire made this an incredible experience for me…

What was hubby’s reaction/position/feelings on this hall pass…. he bought the man a 6 pack of six different local brews… he texted him to let him know I was on my way. They communicated via text before and after the hall pass… my date was touched that hubby cared that much…. that he cared that much about the man that his wife was with…. that showed him that our (hubby and mine) relationship was as I said it was…. that hubby was giving him a gift and that he received it as such… it was a measure of honor and respect…

Before I got on the road to head home the next morning… I told him all the juice details… on the way home I continued the details… conversations, touches… everything… he was turned on.. I was turned on and the sex was amazing…. I got to meet someone I really wanted to meet… I had incredible sex with him and then I went home and shared the details and incredible sex with hubby…. it was great – it is what hall passes should be like… a good… no great time for all involved… even those who are still at home….

The LESSON here…. a hall pass may take 51 weeks to happen from first ‘notice’ to actual happening… but they are worth the wait… do not rush them… they are worth it…. so very, very worth it…

Story 4 – Our first MFM was with a hall pass guy…. words just don’t do it justice… it was incredible, it was fun, it was a mess… as in I was a hot wet mess… juices flowing… desire building and exploding… hubby and I enjoying this man because his wife granted him a hall pass…. it was the perfect introduction into hall passes….

The LESSON here… hall passes aren’t just for you and hubby to have but to receive from a man or a woman… depending on your preferences… be open to them as you go through your adventures…. they can be the fulfillment of many fantasies….

Story 5 – This one is yet to be written… next weekend… we will be having a man come to us with a hall pass… and I can’t wait to write that story…. (OOOHHH, he might do a guest post next weekend…. we already talked about him doing that and you know what? I am so excited about that….)

Well, I will get this one done for today and continue the stories I have been told by others about their hall pass experiences…. don’t want this to be too long!

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….

Sophia

Hall Passes, Heaven or Hell? Part Two

We have had the following hall pass experiences…. a threesome with a hall pass male, a threesome with a hall pass female, a hall pass with me and a married man that also had a hall pass, and an attempt at a hall pass on three occasions with a married man who had a hall pass but couldn’t get it together for a number of reasons to follow through with the hall pass. Hubby had a hall pass potential but she couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that I would be okay with it. We have also tried to find local Single Males that are available to play with me while hubby is working long days… and then when he gets home…. joining in the fun…. that is a whole other story… gee whiz… it shouldn’t be that hard to do….but when I tell you those details… you will see it is…

We both have hall passes granted. I have taken advantage of mine while hubby has not yet… It was something we talked about before it could be accomplished…. or even attempted…. we had to be on the same page. We had to know what we were doing in our sexually social adventure together before we could get this down as a together yet separate play opportunity…..

That is what I believe was the hardest part of it all…. deciding if this would work for us and how we could both be on the same page at the same time…. and we weren’t at first… I was ready for it before hubby was…. we talked about it before it was a ‘really urgent want’ with a person. We talked about it from the first as one of the many options before us… it went from NEVER, to MAYBE, to OKAY BUT WITH CONDITIONS…..

Hubby brought up some real concerns about the male perspective of hall passes….

  • there will be more opportunities to hall pass if you are a woman 
    • true but at the same time….if you are a woman who wants to hall pass with a man…well, there has to be another man available… so in that case…it seems pretty much equal….
    • but there is also the fact that if you want to hall pass with others…. you have to make them want to hall pass with you, which means you have to work hard to make them want you and want you for a hall pass… you need game….
  • there is the safety concerns of ‘making sure the little woman is gonna be safe’…. (said in a John Wayne voice)
    • that is why you set up rules and you agree to meet any potential hall passers….. 
    • or you just trust that she will listen to her gut and run when she feels like she should run….
    • or you find a happy medium…. 
    • I am being a little vague here because it is another topic regarding hall passes which means at least a part three…. so please don’t take those flippant answers seriously just yet….
  • then he mentioned that you know, if you always have hall passes I may feel left out…..
  • and then his concerns that I might not like it if he has a hall pass when I don’t…. (that isn’t an issue as I do not get jealous of him when he is playing in the same room, different room, or having a great time on a hall pass…. over the course of our adventure… he has seen that this is true… and that is great reassurance…. but there is something a bit deeper here… one must ask “Is there a bit of worry that your partner won’t be jealous because they don’t want you anymore…. well, that is not the case…. I fully believed from the very beginning… if I couldn’t handle the fact hubby was having sex with another woman then I had no business being in the lifestyle… and if he felt that way, then neither did he…. that is still my stance today… 
All of those things are critical to note and essential to talk about with your spouse before deciding to HALL PASS …….
It has to be a decision that both are comfortable with, willing to do, willing to accept the consequences (and that is the biggest factor there)….. and those consequences can be doozies….
Consequences of hall passes – not so good ones
  • jealousy
  • attachment
  • feelings of being left out
  • actual danger – if one is not careful in choosing their partner
  • love and other emotional feelings that feel like love 
  • too much time away from their spouse
  • feelings of resentment 
  • feelings of guilt
  • change of heart
  • increase chance of disease – if a recurring hall pass partner – no condoms are often considered and even with the use of a condom…. disease risk occurs… just putting that out there as a PSA..
  • depending on birth control issues…. you know there can always be a chance of pregnancy in hall passes and swinging…. just putting that out there as a PSA… 
  • and sometimes the sex on a hall pass can just be BAD….. because of any number of reasons… 
Consequences of hall passes – the SOOO GOOD ones
  • satisfaction of good sex 
  • freedom to explore one on one sex without the distractions of others watching, participating, and otherwise involved – the ultimate gift between spouses on a sexually social adventure…. 
  • building up the trust and love already in the relationship….
  • increasing the sexual desire for their spouse… sharing the details and having sex while or after sharing those details are often the highlight of many couples who hall pass…. 
  • when the four way connection is not there… it is a form of NOT DENYING your spouse the pleasure of that sexual chemistry/desire for the swinging partner…. it is also a way to get passed the ‘taking one for the team’ issue…..
  • the feelings of love and trust and happiness that comes when the spouse is truly excited, happy, thrilled, turned on that you are going to experience a hall pass with someone you want to have a hall pass or otherwise known as an intimate – one – on – one sexual experience…. 
  • if handled properly by all parties it is an enhancement activity to the marriage and the sexually social adventure… 
For many, as I said on the first part, they cannot see it a good thing because they cannot fully grasp that having sex and enjoying it or a relationship with another person does not diminish your marriage. That is the foundation of ‘swinging’, ‘swapping’, ‘sexually social adventure’, and even ‘poly-ish’ relationships within the realm of ‘swinging’ (as a general term). If the idea of your spouse having sex in a separate bed, separate room, or a completely different location freaks you out or causes you stress… rethink the idea of swinging and stay away from hall passes… 
For those who receives pleasure knowing, with or without seeing, their spouse is enjoying their sexually social adventure even if on a couple date…. and loves the after you get back together sex…. you know how much pleasure you can have from a hall pass situation….
So many have shared this common statement, feeling, and motivation for hall passes….. 
“It is so much of a turn on to have a date with someone other than my spouse knowing my spouse is in full agreement with the date, even encourages the date. I enjoy getting dressed up for the date, planning the night, and it is more than the sex, it is the environment of heightened sexual energy, the expectation of sex with my spouse at home waiting for details, to share the details and explore our newly heightened sexual energy build around the energy from this date. It is a great gift for all of us.”
Tomorrow I am going to talk about some specific comments and situations others have told me and adding some of my own…. a bunch of snippets of hall pass fun and yes, there will be some not so fun stories…. being fair you know…. 
Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…. 
Sophia