Tag Archives: bisexuality

Bisexuality in Swinging, Who Is Really Bi? Part 2

After I wrote the first post on this topic, I had a conversation with someone who identifies as a straight male. He has no desire to have any type of sex with another man. He has not desired to suck another man’s cock. He has no desire to fuck another guy’s ass or have his ass fucked. He has had a guy suck his cock.

He claims he is totally straight. No bisexuality in his person. He is not interested in sex with another man.

Did you read that last sentence of the first paragraph?

He has had a guy suck his cock.

But he is not bisexual.

He is straight as he did not ask the guy who sucked his cock to suck his cock. He has not given that guy specific permission to suck his cock. His cock just happened to go into this other guy’s mouth and the guy sucked his cock.

There were two women present. That made certain that it was not a bisexual encounter.

I listened/read this story from him… and wondered… did you cum in his mouth or on him or because he sucked your cock?

Well, my wonder got the best of me and I asked him.

Yes, he did cum in the guy’s mouth.

But you are not bisexual?

No he is not bisexual.

But a guy sucked his cock. He stayed hard. He got to the point where he could cum. He did cum. And he came in the guy’s mouth, but he is not a bisexual.

No, he is 100% straight.

Anyone else a bit confused?

Anyone else want to call bullshit?

I swear to all that is good in the world… he had a bisexual encounter. But he denies it.

Why?

I mean, he told me the story of a guy sucking his cock and him cumming from the oral sex.

Doesn’t that mean he is bisexual?

I guess not in swingerland.

I asked him point blank, ‘why aren’t you bisexual if you came in the mouth of a guy who was sucking your cock?’

Because I am not sucking him or fucking him and he is not fucking my ass.

Anyone else want to bang their head on the desk.

If you think about this… it is very similar to the mindset of women who think, I am bi because when I am drunk at a swinger event I will kiss a woman and touch her breasts. I won’t have actual sex with her, but will declare my bi-dom because I kissed her and touched her breasts.

I hate to tell you this… I touched a co-worker’s breasts before when she thought she had a lump.

That very act did not make me bisexual… but when you touch another woman’s breast for sexual purposes, drunk or not… that is my friends… bisexuality.

If you have a guy suck your cock, that is bisexuality.

In the world today, there seems to be a huge issue for calling a spade a spade… we seem to want to call it spade-comfortable… but yet, there are people who really struggle with their bisexuality or their gay or lesbian status… I have to wonder if it is a bit insensitive to go around making bisexuality such a light game to play.

Granted in swingerland, sex is open and easy to come by….

Oh wait… it isn’t open… we have to have profile names and hide pictures and hide from neighbors what we do with others…

It isn’t easy because we as swingers make it difficult…

You cannot be straight as a female and still get profiles to want to fuck you… why? Because you have to be a bi female to get laid by a man….

Yep, that is the irony… if you are straight female you can’t fuck a man because him and his wife want a bi girl… but if you are a bi guy, you can’t get man or woman to look at your twice… no matter how hot you are… because you are a bi-guy.

I find it amazing sometimes how ridiculous swingers can be…

Will this ever change?

I am not sure if it will because many swingers are more comfortable complaining about the way things are than changing things… and how hard is it for people to state, I am a straight female and a bi male?

Obviously it is very hard. Even in progressive states that open their arms up to all kinds of unique situations people find themselves in… I am trying to be sensitive to all, don’t want to point out some and leave out some… but there are a few states that are very welcoming to all… not matter their orientation… but not in swingerville.

It is an odd statement to make about an ‘open minded’ lifestyle. But I have seen the same types of behaviors and views in the highly religious segments of society… claim to be one thing and prove to be totally different.

I personally am bisexual. I enjoy having sex with both men and women and when I say sex… I mean there are few things that I do not do with both of them. I enjoy the beauty of sex with men and women.

I am not bi for show or bi to get things started. I am seriously interested in having a MMF with two men who aren’t afraid to be who they are and explore the pleasures found between them and with me of course…

I hope that you will look deeper at the level of honesty you have with yourself and others… be honest about your sexuality. Whether you are straight, bisexual, or fluid depending on where and who…

Take control of your sexuality and you will find it to be a great deal more satisfying when you can be yourself and explore your sexuality to its fullest.

Muah Sophia

 

 

Bisexuality in Swinging, Who Is Really Bi?

A number of threads on a number of sites dealing with swinging will make assertions that more men are bisexual than listed as such and far less women are bisexual then are listed on their profiles. They (who are they? They are those who spout off statistics but have no proof of their numbers) say that men won’t list as bisexual due to the shunning that goes on in the lifestyle. And they (those same folks) say that women will claim bi as they are wanting to get laid and they trade BI for getting laid opportunities.

I am not claiming that men are not hiding their desire of bisexuality in the lifestyle. I am not claiming that men are not interested in exploring their bi side.

I know for a fact both of these are true as I have had a number of guys share with me their desires for bisexual encounters.

What I would like to know is… why is the lifestyle so fucked up?

Women who feel they must ‘play bi’ to get things started or to make their man happy… I don’t get… and if it is okay for women to ‘play bi’ why is it so bad for a man to actually want to be bi?

I have never understood the ‘play bi’ or ‘bi for show’ women. If you are not interested in bisexual sex, but just playing around with the idea and a kiss or two or a licking of a nipple… is that really bisexual sex?

Technically it is. I know that… but in the deeper level… are you really bi as in you want to have sex with another woman if all you want to do is make a guy happy or get things started because no one else knows how to move from “I want to fuck you” to actually fucking you?

I know for a fact that many swingers who are male have some real trouble getting from wanting to doing in the lifestyle even when the woman has given all kinds of signs of ‘I am ready, willing, and desiring you.’ So, they think that forcing women to pretend to be bisexual is the answer.

Umm, no it is not the answer.

I have heard/read people say that they tried bi and it wasn’t for them.

While I applaud them for trying it… and knowing it is not for them… is it really something that you have to try?

I mean… I know that I do not want to climb to the top of Mount Everest. I do not need to try to climb to the top of Mount Everest to know I don’t want to climb it…

I also know that from a very early age, there was something in me that wanted to explore sexually another female. I know that I have had a number of dreams about being with a woman sexually. I know that I have been approached as a young college student by a girl who really wanted to be my girlfriend. I know that I wanted to explore that and her but did not because I was afraid to deal with the consequences of it at the time. I know that when I find a woman in the lifestyle that is really into me and me into her it is a great experience.

I did not have to try it to see if I like it.

I don’t need to try collard greens to know I won’t like them. I can look at them, smell them, watch them being cooked and no that I am not likely to like them. I like fresh spinach and sauteed spinach but not the canned spinach. I don’t need to try it to see if I like it… so why the ‘tried bi and didn’t like it?’

I am just not sure why they feel they need to try it.

Do you try a ‘heterosexual’ partner out and decide that you don’t like him/her even if nothing about him/her appealed to you? Not even the desire to have fun sexually with them? Why try it out if you know nothing really appeals to you about it?

I have heard some guys share with me their willingness to try bi for me.

I am honest here… I am thrilled and annoyed by those statements…

I am thrilled because if they are in fact wanting to have the experience of exploring their bisexuality it is great…

But then I remember them saying ‘to try bi for me’…

Awesome, a male bi playtime to thrill me…

It is not the seeing the guys suck or fuck each other that gets me turned on… but to see the passion, the enjoyment, the desire for the experience that turns me on…

I am not talking deep passionate kissing and all that stuff… what I am talking about is the desire to explore this for their pleasure not mine.

Just like I don’t like the girl girl bi play for show for the same reason.

Seriously, if I want to touch boobies or pussy… I got my own. If I want to be fucked by a dildo… I got my own. If I want to kiss someone… I would rather kiss someone who wanted to kiss me rather than any ol’ girl would do… it is for show remember, not for ‘real’.

I have more to add to this… but I will add it tomorrow.

I haven’t been posting everyday lately… and it is because I am really busy with some other things… but I do have so many things I want to talk about…

Muah Sophia

Sexual Preferences – Are You Bi?

Since I started swinging I have listed myself as bisexual. I believe that I am bisexual because I do enjoy the sexual aspects of being with another female. I have never made mention that I would much rather be with a lady only at any time in my adventure. For me, the fun of a bisexual experience with a person is because I know and want that other woman rather than it be an expectation of playing with another women.

I am not alone in this thought process. I have found and discussed this with a few other women along the way. They are also interested in playing with another woman… but the difference is… they want to be wanted by the woman.

Here is where it gets a bit confusing for most males and females… just because you are a swinger doesn’t mean you will fuck anyone you come across… most have limits and are selective in who they fuck… however, when someone begins to think of women playing together… common sense seems to fall to the side…

Just because you have tits, doesn’t mean I want to touch them, lick or suck them, or otherwise gush over your tits. In a very general sense… I think, tits are quite common place to me… I have two breasts attached to me every day. If I have a extreme need to touch tits… well, I can touch mine.

On to the next point… if I want to feel or taste a pussy… yep, I can feel and taste my own… there is no dying need to taste pussy juices… but for me, if you asked me if there was a dying need for me to taste a cock… yep, it is likely there will be for me that need because I personally do not have a cock.

As an odd little side note, I probably am better off not having a cock… well, me being a woman that is probably a good thing huh? I am not saying I am wanting to be a man… no transgender issues here.. I do have a desire to know for at leas a day what it feels like to have a cock, slide a cock into a pussy, and feel the thrill of a male erection… and then I would be happy to go back to being on the receiving end of a cock. If I had a cock… yep, I would love stroking it… feelings the pressure build until it is time to cum… and I would most likely want to taste my own cum. As a woman, it do already… so, I guess it is a good thing I am a woman and happy being a woman with a strong curiosity about what it would be like to have a cock.

And on an even odder side note, I would probably enjoy being bisexual if I was a guy, there has to be a reason why I love that porn so much…

But back to the sorta topic of this post…

It will take very little for me to want to fuck a guy… he shows me some attention, lets me know he wants me… and there you have it, in a swinger setting – house party or group… yep, I want to fuck him… if it is a part of a couple situation and the communication is long… I want him to engage me like he has to fuck me… and that usually happens… and when we meet it is great fun…

However, women seem to think that because they have tits and a pussy and I have tits and a pussy… I want to play with them.

Not true.

Even the guys at the clubs and parties have to make efforts to connect with me… they have to express interest in me… even if it is purely sexual and they want to fuck me and that is all… they have still expressed interest in me… women often don’t.

Men have been known to say… why don’t you girls start things off?

I usually have a comeback on that… and it goes something like – nope… can’t tell me to play with someone for your enjoyment.

I have never desired to be in porn… and I don’t like scripted shit… that feels like porn and scripted shit…

If I am going to make a move on a woman or a woman is going to make a move on me… there had better be something happening before that… I want the person to make an effort to engage me… I want the person try to determine a little about what I like before they just kiss me because it turns other people on… what about turning me on?

I have had a number of great experiences with other women – strangers for the most part… and those encounters were awesome… because in a few short minutes they conveyed how they wanted me and that it wasn’t any girl would do type of scenario.

Well, after some great consideration… I have changed my sexual preference on our accounts from bi-sexual to straight. My husband said, what if that limits our desirability to others because you are not bi – and the next thing out of his mouth was… well, it’s not like anyone actually reads that…

That is true… on both parts…

But you know what.. at this point and time in my adventure… I am tired of women thinking that because they exist I want them. I am sick of husbands using their wives as lures to get me to like them… showing me their tits, their pussies… and thinking because I am bi I want their wives.

I don’t. I want a person who wants me in particular not anyone with a pussy. I want a person who – male or female can tell me why they want me specifically.

So, I changed my sexual preference to straight. I doubt that it will make a great deal of difference to most as they do not read it or if they do, don’t care. But I am thinking I am going to focus on what has brought me more satisfaction recently… and that is men.

Someone mentioned at one of our parties that they want the next one to be all the girls play while the men watch… I’m going to tell you right now… I won’t be a part of that… I am going to be upstairs fucking any guy who is bored with sitting on the sidelines… I am going to let him feel like the star of the show… not the audience member…

Not every man wants to watch women for hours… not every woman wants that either…

For me… I am going to be even more selective in the women I play with and enjoy far more of the time I have playing with men…

Muah Sophia

Open Minded, Curious, and Scared….

Umm, today’s topic is about bisexuality… not women’s… because if popular opinion is believed, all women in the lifestyle are bisexual.

WHOA NOW… if you are a straight woman in the lifestyle and are thinking WTH is she talking about…. don’t worry… I don’t believe that popular opinion. I actually know it is a line that most say to have more play opportunities… I mean seriously… if they list as bi-ANYTHING they have more play chances…

And yet on the other side of the coin…. bi – ANYTHING for a guy is a death sentence to a couple looking for a little play time… even if the bi-play for guys is not on the table… as if by being a bi-anything guy you will aggressively attack the other guy…

You know what I mean… the bi-anything guy will take the SO STRAIGHT IT HURTS guy’s cock from his pants and begin sucking on it…

Now, I am not a cock owner… so I don’t know if what I am about to say is true…. but if you are truly turned off by another man sucking your cock… wouldn’t you have difficulty getting it up?

An even bigger question to ask… if a guy was going towards your cock… wouldn’t you be able to…. I don’t know… move out of the way and keep your cock away from the bi-anything guy?

Or even better… say when you are looking at their profile and you find HER hot and you are not into bi anything… because you are so straight it hurts…. couldn’t you say… “hey, I wanna play with your wife… my wife wants to play with you… they may play some together… but umm… we won’t be playing none of that guy/guy stuff…. ”

So…. why does putting down that you are open minded, bi-curious, bi-sexual or whatever terms others use…. a death sentence for guys and an open invitation for women?

I mean nothing bad or insinuating bi-anything men would simply grab another man’s cock that is listed as straight or has not had any communication about the possibility of bi play with the other guy…

I know that most guys in the lifestyle that do openly admit to their bi-anything status know how precious it is to get a couple who are not afraid of him being bi-anything… they are not going to risk a reputation or a fist in their face for making a ‘bad’ decision like that….

However, that is one of the biggest fears… that the bi-anything guy is going to make a move on them….

And I wonder if the real fear goes deeper to… what if they like it?

What if a guy who has always identified as straight… and always felt straight… suddenly found himself intrigued by the thought of sucking another man’s cock covered in his wife’s juices…

Now, one can rationalize that he is just open to a new adventures that involve his wife… that the focus is on his wife’s pleasure…. not sucking a cock….

Well, with most rationalizations…. it’s pretty obvious that you are rationalizing to make the object you desire at that moment not about what it is about… but what you find acceptable….

You could just say, you want to suck a man’s cock that has been covered in your wife’s juices because it sounds fun to you….

There is nothing wrong with that… and certainly is a turn on for – if all three or four depending on the group dynamics are up for it…

It is one of those things that requires communication just as it does if you are a woman wanting to go down on another woman… you ask… simple as that…

If they say yes… happy diving… if they say no… another person will likely help you out in this…. possibly at another time in the future….

But is there anything wrong with admitting to your spouse on your sexually social adventure that you want to suck a man’s cock that is covered in her juices?

In some marriages, yes. But even if the wife does not want to see that… can you fulfill that fantasy in another way? Yes, you can. Maybe it is  with a hall pass… Or at a party where you and your wife play separately… or maybe your wife agrees after you talk about it… and she says… one time we will try it and see if I can watch that happen…

It is all about communication.

You first have to be willing to ask yourself the tough questions and be honest enough to answer.

Have you always wondered or just started to wonder what it would be like to suck a cock?

Do you enjoy pegging by your wife and at a moment of high enjoyment wonder what it would be like to have a man take your ass?

Or have you wanted to take a man’s ass?

Is there really anything wrong with wondering these things? Asking yourself these questions to see if the answers turn you on or turn you off?

What is wrong with admitting that there are some cocks that you find attractive?

What is wrong with thinking that this is my wife’s fantasy and I want to make sure I can be a part of fulfilling her fantasies?

Or, you know what… this is a sexually social adventure… why not try it at least once… if I like it great… if I don’t… at least I know…

I like to think – and naively I am sure… that the lifestyle should be open to everyone enjoying their sexual kinks how they want… but that doesn’t always happen…

As a lifestyle we (not me, but we collectively) pressure women into being bi-something to get things started and men to stay as far away from bi-anything to ensure they aren’t blacklisted… I wish so much that women who aren’t bi would list themselves as straight and be done with the pretending and the same with the straight listed guys who are bi or curious about bi.

Interestingly enough… in some cases… listing bi-anything males will get all kinds of folks knocking at your ‘profile’ door… and other times listing bi-anything will only draw crickets…. (silence). It makes no sense and it is often the thing that makes you shake your head in wonder…

Personally, I find nothing wrong with a man who is interested in exploring his bi side. Why should a man be penalized for exploring what so many force women to explore? I think a man who is able to explore those things that turn him on is sexy. They are willing to say to everyone… they are not ashamed to be who they are… explore what they want… and you know what a word lover I am… communicate what they like to those they meet… or want to meet.

The openness it takes to share that desire to explore their male bi side is a huge turn on for me. I know the courage it takes. And a courageous man is a sexy man. I know how hard it is to share those feelings and desires… a man who is open and in this particular case – vulnerable in their openness – is sexy to me. To tell me that they would love to be free from the confines the lifestyle places on them… yeah, it breaks my heart… but I think little by little we have an opportunity to let others know it is okay to share that and explore that side of them….

Am I being a naive polly-anna saying that they should take the most public route to announcing their bi-anything-ness…. Nope. I am saying that as we develop a group of core playmates, friends, and lovers we should be able to weed out those who are homophobic from the groups and welcome those who want to explore their bi-ness…

In case you are wondering… I am not saying that every man in the group must be bi-something… but to welcome those who want to explore openly their desires and fantasies without being ostracized for even thinking they would want to explore that side of them. It doesn’t mean that they are ‘at risk’ for being hit on by a guy while playing, but they know that they can if they choose explore that side without ridicule.

I know that to even promote a group however or wherever as guy bi friendly will get you kicked out of contention, but is that necessary to do? No, it isn’t. Sometimes it is enough to promote a group that welcomes everyone without judgment… without ridicule…. without back stabbing…

It will take a weeding out process. One that never stops. One that needs someone strong enough to take the backlash. Someone who will be the voice for the group to promote healthy sexual exploration…

Well, I would love to be that person… to truly encourage others to explore their kinks… their bi side, their straight side… their whatever their adventure is and where it takes them…

I don’t see a problem with a man wanting to explore another man. To suck and be sucked by a man… to fuck and be fucked by a man…

In fact… the very thought of it turns me on… my favorite porn and seriously the only porn I watch anymore is guy/guy porn…

There is something very sexy and masculine about a man who knows what he wants and goes after it… even if it is another man.

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure… no matter how you play….

Sophia

Pretty Little Labels

I ran across this interesting article here. ‘I’m married to a man and I’m a mum. Has my bisexuality expired?’  Is sexuality something you DO or something you ARE?

This is an awesome article because it asks some really good questions that we should ask ourselves…. often…

Is sexuality something you DO or something you ARE?

Anyone got an answer to that question?

I am not sure I do…..

Here is my thought process on this topic…

I love having sex with men. I love having relationships with men. I am married to a man… in a few days it will be married to the same man for 25 years…

I like having sex with CERTAIN women at certain moments but do not seek out those women like I do men.

I am a sexual person.

I love having sex with men and women that are not my spouse.

I would not have a long term relationship with a woman.

Why? Because women are emotional creatures that can be petty and annoying… I say this because I know what I am like and well, I have seen other women… and I am not interested in dealing with that shit…. largely because I enjoy men and their cocks more….

Will this ever change?

I would say its possible because I often change my mind, but a relationship with a woman would be within the context of the ‘sexually social adventure’ I am on rather than ditching old hubby and getting me a woman for all time…

So does that mean I am or am not truly bisexual?

Wikipedia states the following – Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior toward both males and females,[1][2][3] and may also encompass romantic or sexual attraction to people of any gender identity or to a person irrespective of that person’s biological sex or gender, which is sometimes termed pansexuality.

Well, that is clear and confusing if you really think about it…

It is clear that I enjoy sexual attraction or sexual behavior towards both males and females… Not sure if there is a romantic attraction to another woman… at least not at this time…

So I can express that I am bisexual because of the sexual behavior and attraction to women… and men…

Here is what else wikipedia has to say – A bisexual identity does not necessarily equate to equal sexual attraction to both sexes; commonly, people who have a distinct but not exclusive sexual preference for one sex over the other also identify themselves as bisexual.

Well, that definition sounds like me… well the first part… ‘not necessarily equate to equal sexual attraction to both sexes…’ If I am honest… I receive more pleasure from a good pounding I receive from a man than any of the attempts by women with a dildo…..

I like the ‘manly’ feel of a man… you know.. their hard bodies… the masculine scent, the power and strength a man demonstrates during sex….

Yes, woman are soft and generally smell nice… but there is something about knowing at that moment when a man is pounding me.. his reputation is on the line… whereas a woman is more likely to go for show…

Oops, better go back and explain a few things in that last paragraph…

When I say a man’s reputation is on the line… I am not talking anything petty or silly from a girl’s point of view… more the belief that men have that they must accomplish the goal they have set forth… whether that goal is to bring a woman a certain number of orgasms… cause her to squirt… to hold off cumming until a later point so he can continue more than a few minutes (hey, I have heard that sometimes when a man wants a woman so much, and she is so wet, and so tight, and her pussy is doing amazing things to his cock… it is really hard to hold off)… or if the goal is to cum together… whatever it is… a man’s reputation – even if it is his own reputation in his own mind… there is a totally different mindset in how a man approaches sex than a woman…

Seriously… that is true… very, very true…

I have been with men and women… and I have seen this over and over… whether the women were with other women – including me or with men… and I am not talking one of those small segments of dominatrix women or cockhold husbands… but in general sexual encounters in both vanilla and swinging situations…

There is a difference between the two sexes in how they approach sex.. and well, if we are honest just about anything else in life.

So this brings to mind a question about these pretty little labels like bisexuality and in particular how one defines their bisexuality…

In a general sense, every single person who has had any type of sexual interaction between someone of their sex… is a bisexual. Whether it was a one-time kiss, suck, lick, or penetration… with the someone of the same sex… you have a bisexual label.

However, one does not have to wear the labels as a badge if you don’t want to…. you can keep it quiet and move along with life as it is without a label…

And in the general vanilla world, it is more acceptable to keep those labels to yourself… I mean, who really cares if you kissed a girl or guy depending on your sex… if you don’t want others to know… don’t tell… easy peasy enough… right?

But what do those labels mean when  you are venturing into the world of swinging… where you can make or break your swinging success with such a label…

For a couple or SF… bisexual females are the bees knees… you can do so much with your bisexual label…

To the point where to have a label of bisexual is more important than being honest… to yourself and to others…

I have to ask… all those women out there who are not really bisexual – as in you would be willing to do everything to another woman… and not the bisexual woman who just wants to put on a show…. how many of the woman have you really been attracted too?

How many woman have you wondered about how she tasted… how much she would love you going down on her?

Or how many of those women were more like…. it doesn’t matter who goes down on me… man or woman as long as someone does?

Not really the sentiment I enjoy… unless of course we are at a club and that anonymous – anyone can suffice vibe is what I am craving…

But when you look at sexual attraction as one part of bisexuality… how attracted are you to the other woman or man (depending on your sex)… how interested in them are you rather than interested in using the bisexual activities as your ‘getting the party started’ tool?

I don’t know, but I seem to have a sensor in me that detects those who want to use girl/girl play to get the party started and those who are really interested in me… as a woman they as a woman wants to have sexual ‘relations’ with…

Maybe I am a bit jaded… who knows? Could very well be…. but there is something that turns me on, wets my panties, and all that good stuff when I know a guy really wants me… as in he will turn out all the stops to get my attention, keep my attention, and let me know how much he wants me…

Can’t tell you the last time a woman did that for real not show… Actually, I can tell you the names and dates of those occasions and those times were awesome… but the point was… it is not as often as one would think…

To me, sex is more than just a show. It is an opportunity to express my desire for the other person. To release the desire I have for them and to match their desire for me…

How do you do that when you don’t really have much more than a ‘show’ to present?

Kinda thinking this sexually social adventure should be ‘somewhat’ authentic… don’t you?

Sophia