Tag Archives: emotional connections

Emotions In Swinging A Confession

I think many people will find the topic of emotions in swinging confusing, scary, thrilling, and forces them to confront many issues in their lives… and one of the most difficult is to be honest with yourself.

I am very honest with myself to the point I think I reveal so much of myself… to much, my flaws, my good points, my thoughts, my feelings. I know the honest comments I make in the posts that reveal so much about myself, but I find that many do not recognize the comments as a revelation of my true feelings and emotions. This baffles me… they get hung up on one thing and overlook the most important parts… like, I am not opposed to being asked what I have planned for the day or what I am doing during my day… when it is a natural part of the conversation… I am opposed to it being the only part of the conversation… I shared my feelings and it seemed some didn’t understand… here are two examples… see which one would annoy you..

Example 1 – Monday – 7 am

him – morning

you – good morning sweetie, how is your day going?

him – ok.

you – write nothing else, you are not sure where to go on that so you just let it go…

8:45 am

him – what’s up?

you – getting ready for the day, got a lot planned, what do you have going on today?

him – not much

12:30 pm

him – talk to me

you – well I am kinda busy right now. I am going to have to catch up with you later

him – I’m bored and I want to fuck you

Example 2 Monday 9:30 am

him – good morning sexy, how are you doing today?

you – I am doing pretty dang good… how is your day going?

him – well, got a number of things planned today, (he actually listed the things he had to do) gonna be busy here in a few minutes, but wanted to at least say hi to you before I dug into all the things I have to do…

you – wow, that sounds like quite a day… I will be thinking of you throughout the day… hope you get a chance to take a break or two.

him – I am not sure when I will be able to get a break in… it is a pretty tight schedule. What do you have planned for the day?

you – I have a lot of computer work to get done. May find time to clean the house… I know, exciting stuff. But unfortunately, I put it off this week when traveling.

him – about as exciting as what I have planned if you think about it… work has to happen.

you – yes it does… and when the work is done…

him – as soon as it is done, I will be hitting you up again. Take care sexy… have a good one. My day is starting now.

Do you see the difference? How one is a real conversation and yes, not a sex filled, but it is a real conversation while the other one is really a waste of time? No matter what I asked the first one, I got very little in return. The second one, it was one that showed that even though he was waiting to start his day… having a real conversation is important.

In the social awkwardness in swinging series, I received many comments and some from my own husband about how negative the posts were because I was complaining so much. Yet, was I really complaining just to complain or was I really just expressing my frustration of people who do some stupid shit in swinging and expect others to over look their stupid words and actions? I was frustrated at the constant stupidity that came my way no matter how many times I mentioned, enough is enough.

Over the course of the last two weeks I have had some great experiences… a party, hall pass and a couples date… had some great time… and yet, today my little old pussy is finally starting to mend from the battering and bruising that happened because people did not listen to me or thought that somehow, beating the shit out of a pussy or clit in the name of swinger sex is a good thing… it’s not a good thing. It fucking hurts.

We are talking about the fact that my poor pussy hurts constantly and so does the very necessary opening for me to urinate… some people think that to bring a woman pleasure…to accomplish your goal of bringing her to orgasm or to get her to squirt, one must beat the shit out of her pussy…

Now, I told them many times in many ways… with direct words too… to stop, it hurts… and usually by the time that I get those words out… it is too late… any other person or touches from the same person will hurt my pussy… I have come to recognize that sometimes my tight pussy is not due to my kegel exercises but instead trauma and swelling of that very tissue they want to beat the shit out of my pussy.

Should I keep quiet about the pain they cause my pussy? No, of course not… but it doesn’t mean if I tell them of the pain they inflicted that they will stop doing it… why? Because people do what they want and fail to listen to those speaking to them. Same thing happens when you tell them, whatever it is you tell them and they don’t listen and you get upset… emotions, both good and bad.

Side note – I want to explain something…

My pussy will not cum nor squirt if you beat the shit out of it…

My pussy will get very wet and very juicy and very delicious if you treat my pussy with great care… and if you get me turned on with words, soft touches, naughty words, and yes, while I love being fucked hard from behind (fucked with a cock, from behind makes my pussy very happy and does not beat the shit out of my clit or the sides of my pussy where someone’s knuckles will cause bruising as they try to shove two fingers inside while two more are beating the sides…), but while I love being fucked from behind very hard… I do not like my pussy beaten with your hands or bitten with your mouth… and that includes my clit – do not bite my clit, beat my clit, or my pussy…. fuck me from behind if you have aggression you feel you need to take out on me… but please… be nice with your hands and mouth…

It is not fun at all going to a gynecologist and telling the gynecologist, can you please tell me if I am going to be able to have sex again any time soon… and you have to explain that no, in fact, my husband did not rape me… I was having swinger sex with idiot men who don’t know that a pussy and clit are not punching bags or teething toys…

So, I ask you… is it okay that I tell you about the need to not damage my pussy and clit… and not tell you at the same time or on the same blog that your social awkwardness is really pissing me off?

Am I wrong in telling you… if you want to have a connection with me… you have to be honest with me?

And am I not being very honest with you when I tell you how beat up my pussy is because of men who have no fucking clue?

Sharing negative emotions is far more acceptable than sharing warm fuzzy emotions… because when you share negative emotions, you can tell the person who has the negative emotions just how wrong they are… how negative they are… and put the blame back on the person experiencing the emotions… yet, walk away feeling blameless.

If Sophia has a problem with losers texting her, that is her problem… my texts are awesome. I have no reason to improve…

Really? I am going to say you are wrong… but that is another topic for another day.

But when you hear someone saying they are frustrated with swingers doing the very least they can do to get laid… why do you think they are complaining for the sake of complaining… isn’t it because there is an expression of real feelings and in those real feelings… there is a truth you must seek in your own behavior… even if you are not the person they are talking about… does that mean you don’t have to improve your game to make sure the person you claim you want to connect with has a reason to connect?

It in fact does…

If you claim you have feelings for me… it is assumed you would be very happy if I have feelings to return to you… and I want that… if I feel a connection. I want a guy to think of me as fondly as I think of him. Will that happen? It is not a guarantee and often the other person will take it for granted… and there you go, the answer I have been searching for and it was lost until this very moment…

When I am texting someone, I am giving of myself and my time. I don’t want to be taken for granted. I want to be appreciated for the effort, time, feelings, etc that I offer you… I appreciate you… until you don’t appreciate me…

I don’t want to be taken for granted… you don’t want to be taken for granted… no one wants to be taken for granted… yet, that is what often happens…

Instead of taking for granted that I want to have a swollen and not because I am sexually turned on, but in fact because I have suffered damage… pussy, maybe you could ask me what I want… what I like… what feels good… or listen to me when I tell you ‘stop, that hurts’…

So when someone shares their feelings about the many swingers who do so little to engage a person… I am actually saying… “I want to be appreciated for who I am and what I offer in this relationship – even if it is just fucking strange, but if we felt a connection or are building a connection, don’t take it for granted. I will speak out if I feel you are.”

Here is something you should know about me… by the time it has made it into my blog, I have had this experience already, and I addressed the ‘issue’ directly to no success. My blog is where I do my heavy thinking, my processing, my sharing with others to see if they in fact, experience the same things as I do… validation… if you made it in my blog for a less than bragging because I so enjoyed you and in fact, I am upset (you can read into that my feelings are hurt)… by what you did or said…

I am just expressing my feelings.

Talking about my pussy being battered and bruised is much, much easier than talking about my battered or bruised heart…

Just to announce it so it is not missed… this is actually the confession part…

My heart is often battered and bruised when I let myself feel things for others on this sexually social adventure. Most often by people who I thought I was building a real friendship.

And often, my battered and bruised heart is caused by desire to stop listening to my gut… that little feeling that says… hold on now, don’t jump in too much, too fast. Hold back on it… and it is often in regards to ‘friends’ on the most basic level and not on the stronger connections with people… yet, it happens at that level too… not as frequently as I try very hard to keep my feelings at the friends at most level.

I am not trying to sound like my ego is out of control. It isn’t. I am flattered, but at the same time I am able to see what most of this is about… let me explain and then maybe you will understand.

I write my blog and forum posts as me (My Real Name), I just sign my forum posts and blog posts with Sophia… I am however, writing as I think, write, believe, and am… I am (My Real Name) and not Sophia… I just sign as Sophia…

I get so many people tell me they want to fuck Sophia… and when they learn my real name, they tell me, they still want to fuck Sophia.

I inwardly roll my eyes if they tell me in person… and if they write this to me I roll my eyes and so does my husband.

They just put themselves on the DO NOT FUCK LIST or in other words, cock blocked themselves.

They don’t want to fuck me… they want to fuck the person they fantasized about. It isn’t me… it is a person they envisioned to being a certain way…

And when they tell me that they have feelings for me… they often do not have feelings for me (My Real Name)… they have feelings for the person they figure Sophia is…

When someone meets me in person and they can’t remember my name isn’t really Sophia… they are put on the DO NOT FUCK LIST or cock blocked themselves.

I am flattered each and every time a person thinks they have feelings for me… as a writer… it is a huge compliment… ego boost… a great feeling of self-esteem… but that is all it is… an ego boost… reality is, they don’t know me and haven’t taken any time to get to know me…

When someone tells me… I want to get to know you (My Real Name), what you are thinking, what you want, what you like… or they remember what I have written… like soft touches, whispered words of desire… and other tender foreplay will get me so fucking turned on… and then they fuck me hard from behind… then I know they know me…

It is at that moment, the feelings are real… the connection is real… and yes, this can happen even before we meet. Well, all but the fucking from behind stuff… but you text me that you want to meet me for the first time and just kiss me once… softly at first… and then let the passion build… before we actually say hi… you get me… you get what I like…

Or you tell me that you want to kiss me with your hands buried in my hair… you want to look in my eyes… you want to run your fingers down my arm and back again… and across my nipples lightly… then you get me…

Then the connection begins.

Why?

Because I want a guy who wants me… the person I am, not the person they think I am.

I want you as the guy you are and not the guy I built up in my head… and I don’t build guys up in my head… I make sure I know what I like about them personality and looks… and what I don’t like…

Now, before you get confused about that… and think bad things about me… here is the thing… if all I do is think about how wonderful you make me feel and that translates into how wonderful you are in my mind… and then reality comes in when we meet… yikes… we are both in a world of hurt…

But if I remember (please don’t take this wrong L&S)… but if I remember that I am not always happy with how analytical you are… then you are actually human rather than fantasy… while I am not always happy with how analytical you are… it is what makes you different from everyone else… what makes you, and I should say when you are very analytical, it is usually about something I wrote… and there you have it… the basis of why I am not always happy with it… but it doesn’t mean you weren’t correct… but that is another topic… for another conversation… but if this wasn’t a part of you… then I would not be facing reality, but instead a fantasy… and I rather like reality and the real person… the good and the bad…

Unless that person just can’t seem to get through their head… that just as I accept what they like and do… they must also accept what I like and do… and I like a person who ups their game because they want to make me feel good when they interact with me… as I do with you…

I can’t tell you how many guys have told me that they have feelings for me… and I wondered if they knew I knew it wasn’t true… they were having feelings for an image of me…

And that breaks my heart…

Not that my heart is broken because they have feelings for Sophia and not really me (My Real Name)… but that they are wasting those feelings on someone they made up rather than the real person.

But anyways… this confession that I am sharing… I have had so few real, deep connections with guys that started out in a normal manner… and when they did happen… it took me by surprise… and made me feel good… and I crave that… a real deep connection…

Until I master how to obtain those real deep connections where the guy is actually wanting me rather than Sophia… I will keep writing my blog… exploring my own thoughts, my own questions, my own answers… and sharing them with you… because maybe, just maybe… it will speak directly to your heart and you will let me know…

until then…

Muah Sophia

 

More Than a Swinger, Not quite Poly, Definitely Not a Spouse

In the last post, I started talking about how do we tell our spouses about the connection we have with others without causing some issues… It is a good thing. We know most people don’t want to hear bad news and we are going to share with  our spouse good news. Yet, most spouses will see this as bad news… they will not hear the words you say… they will hear this… all their fears in one big mess…

You like someone else… you are going to leave me… what about our kids, house, bills, etc… what about all the time we spent taking care of each other… all the shit I took from  you over the years… and you are leaving me for her… you can’t talk to her, you can’t have sex with her… we are done swinging… we were supposed to do this together and now you want to leave me…

And all you wanted to say… and did say… I love talking with Sophia… it is very easy to talk with her and I feel a connection with her… we have no plans of leaving our spouses… I just want you to know that I love talking with her and feel very connected with her… and of course, I would love to have sex with her… or keep having sex with her… but neither of what to leave our spouses, just see where this goes…

A huge difference in what was said and what was heard… and that my friends and swingers is why so many people HIDE THIS SHIT from their spouses.

They hide how they feel from their spouses to avoid upsetting their spouses. They hide what they want, what they have a deficit in, and what they really need from whomever… even their spouse. Think about it this way… they can’t tell their spouse what they like, who they want to be with, why they want to be with them, and the connection they feel… the deficit is already there… wanna know what that deficit is? Being honest. They miss being open and honest with someone, really share what they want, what they feel, what they need… They miss being able to be open about their sexual and in many cases without realizing it, their love languages – their deficits – and that makes seeking someone who can understand them better all the more appealing. And needed in their eyes. And this is when the need to hide the fact that they want to talk to the other person. In a number of cases, these guys find someone like me or me. I say me, since I am talking about my adventure and how this relates to me… it is why I use my name often in the examples.

Yes, I have had a number of guys who share with me more than they would ever think about sharing with their spouse. They reach out to me because I send out messages I guess that they can share with me anything they want… and I do enjoy that… I love that people feel they can share with me. It is just a shame they can’t share with their spouses.

All that tends to lead to guys feeling more feelings for me than I feel for them. I like them in a general sense. I like they like to share with me… but I don’t feel the depth of the same feelings they feel for me. And because they have a deficit for honesty, being open, having someone listen to them, and other sexy things they are thinking about or with me… sometimes those feelings appear more for them than me…

Do they want to talk to their spouse about this? I am not sure, but they sure do hide these feelings they have from their spouse out of fear of what they feel, what their spouse will feel, and any trouble they may experience for having these feelings.

But what if these feelings are returned by me? If I have the same feelings or very similar feelings they have? Does it make it easier to share with your spouse?

No, not really. The same fear is there. Fear to share, fear to put up with the aftermath of sharing, fear of saying it out loud and making it real….

The only thing I can tell you, if you have these feelings, start by recognizing if these feelings are shared with the person you think they are shared with… and be honest with yourself just what the feelings are… don’t down play them and don’t make them be more than they are… be honest and share with them honestly, but with care and tact…

Oh yeah, being honest does not mean brutally honest… you do not have to say shit like… she gives me what you don’t… it may be true (let’s go back to the ability to share and be honest about your feelings that I provide and your spouse doesn’t, but do you really think that will go over well? No, it won’t). Being honest with them is a balance between saying what you feel, think, and want them to know and keeping their feelings in mind and building them up and not tearing them down… is this easy to do? No, if it were, I wouldn’t have to tell you to do this, you would do it naturally…

This is not a rip the band-aid off type of thing… it is sharing your feelings and thoughts with someone who you love and care for…

So how do you talk to your spouse about the whole issue of feeling a connection to someone else?

Hope you aren’t looking to me for an answer…

I have tried all my suggestions on my husband… and sometimes it hasn’t worked so well… and the thing is… it has a lot to do with the time of day/month/year I told him, who the guy is… how I feel about him… the amount of threat he feels… the amount of gushing I do talking about him… and yet, as I was prepared to write this.. I talked to him about it and we could have been talking about what to get from the store… it was easy peasy, because it was hypothetical in this particular conversation and not a real person posing in his opinion a real threat…

So, why am I writing this and acting like I have all the answers?

Well, first of all, I am not writing like I have all the answers… see the line above ‘hope you aren’t looking to me for an answer’… I can’t give you any answers or any promises that it will work… it depends on who you are, who your spouse is, how you present it, other conflicts in your life, the words you chose, the feelings your spouse is having right then before you speak… there are many things that can cause this to go well, or go badly…

No matter what one suggests, the answer is to know your audience. And gauge the audience’s temperature… and well, if it is too hot or too cold or just right… you get what I am saying…

All of this comes down to communication skills… and how well you and your spouse communicates… but here is one suggestion…

If your spouse is not a touchy-feeley type of person, they may not get why this is a big deal to you… why you are deficit in this area… my suggestion – take the love language test… first… before you talk about the connections you feel with someone…

Sometimes if you both take the test and you find you are a words, time, touch, gifts, acts of service whatever you may be and your spouse is the opposite you can begin to explain to them the deficits you feel and how it is not their fault… and be clear that it is not their fault… it is your deficit… your need that needs to be filled… and then ask them what their love language is and discuss this with them… and if their love language is different than yours… explain to them… sometimes you need someone with a similar love language that gets it… and you can give and receive that connection freely and with ease…

In a swinger context… think about it this way… your spouse loves touch… but her touch is more of a dirty, hard pounding sex touch… or she likes BDSM and well you don’t… wouldn’t you want her to have her fill? Get her deficit filled? Explain to her that you want to see her get her deficit filled and be honest, it won’t be from you… you just don’t speak that language well. And while you could try to fill that… it won’t be satisfying because it is not how you give or receive love languages… the answer is to open the boundaries… let her seek someone who can provide her what she needs…

Let’s say you need someone you can have sensual sex with… that sex that you need soft, slow, making love type of touches… and while you may not love this person, that is the type of sex you crave… tell them that while you guys have that at times and at times her rougher sex… you still crave the sensual sex while she craves rougher or BDSM… and know that it is okay that you seek this out separately…

Does this change your main love? No, in most cases, it does not. It enhances it.

WHY?

I have said this before, it is not possible for one person to be your everything… hell, you can’t even be your everything… you need to count on others for things all the time – work, groceries, electricity, medical, companionship, whatever it is you seek outside of your own ability… you have to rely on others for these needs… and why is it any different looking for – with your spouse’s consent and participation what you need.

This could in fact be going to the gym and working out with your friends, playing pick up basketball games, or going fishing, shopping, girls night out, whatever it is that you do for fun and recreation with others in a vanilla sense… you still crave that with lifestyle friends… and you like to have that sex too…

We have to start with the premise that you are both interested in non-monogamy, sexually social adventures… if not, what the fuck are you doing here?

We also have to start with the premise that no matter how hard it is to talk to your spouse about your feelings towards another person or hell, even swinging in general.. you have to do just that…

Just recently I was told someone who has hall passes didn’t tell his wife he was seeing me… He wanted to be with me so much that he didn’t want to let her know who he was going to be with… I have had other guys who had hall passes that started off being honest with their spouse, but then something happened… the feelings changed and they kept it from their spouse.

I have had a few guys who had hall passes with me and told me their spouses knew… and didn’t.

Some I have had some feelings for… and you know what… that hurts. To invest in someone who can’t be honest, hurts…

And they aren’t being honest with me or with their spouse… and while that sucks… what is worse, they can’t be honest with themselves…

While that is a whole other blog topic… hall passes that aren’t really hall passes… it hurts me when I believe what you are saying to me and you are lying to me. I don’t get that… how can I believe anything you say if you can’t be honest with me about your ‘permission’ or ‘consent’ to hall pass with me? I won’t go on it too much right now… but it pisses me off… I am being honest with you, I am being honest with myself, I am being honest with my husband… telling him not only am I having a hall pass, but I am having a hall pass with you… and you can’t do the same…

Maybe you should have this conversation with yourself first, then with your spouse…

What do you want from this experience?

Do you just want to fuck people?

Do you want to fuck friends?

Do you want a lover?

Do you want a poly relationship?

Do you just want someone who can fill your deficits whatever they may be?

If you don’t know what you want from your sexually social adventure, how can you make sure you get what you want and need?

Let’s say you want to fuck strange and be open to having a lover… how do you define lover?

Anyone getting sick of me asking hard questions?

I am getting tired of asking them and having to figure out my answer… and my answers can scare me.

I love fucking strange. I love hall passes. I love having friends. I love having deeper connections. I love having a lover. I would love a poly relationship. I want it all. I may not be able to have it all. But I want it all. And since my husband reads this blog… he knows it too. And since I have told him this previously, he already knows… but here it is in writing… I am being honest with myself… this is what I like, what I want, what I seek…

By being honest with myself and my spouse… since he reads this blog all the time, you know he knows what I am thinking as much as you do… makes it easier for me to share with him my feelings about a person or persons…

While I can tell him that I feel that I don’t want to fuck this guy anymore… or I can tell him I think this guy has deeper feelings for me than I have for him… or I love to hall pass with this guy because we have great chemistry or I have a deeper connection and real feelings for this person… it doesn’t mean that he will accept it as I intended it… his feelings at the time of my admissions of what I want to tell him impacts his ability to accept what I am saying… this is true for all of us… where we are at the time of the ‘discussion’ affects the reaction of the truths shared… please don’t use that as a excuse not to share… just use some common sense and understand that much of their reaction is based on what is going on behind the scenes… here is a thought… ask them what they want… what they are feeling… and make it a two way conversation…

We have to remember, we have no control over our spouse’s reactions… but we do have control over our methods of sharing that with our spouse… we can take care when we share with our spouses…

One time, around the time of our one year in the lifestyle… I fell in love with someone. Oh, there was no hiding that… hubby was right there when it happened… the guy’s girlfriend too… they knew the moment it happened… damn, I have to get better at a poker face… I did love this guy… didn’t mean I was going to leave my husband… but I did love him and my husband both… in different ways… but still love.

I ended it… but it was painful. Would I allow myself to fall in love again? Yes. I am sure my husband would say NO, PLEASE DON’T… but I found that you cannot really control when you feel a connection with someone… and certainly not in swinging where you are opening your heart and your legs… (trying to lighten it a bit here)… but you are opening you heart when you share with others this intimate part of your life… sex is intimate and as intimate as you allow it to be… yes, you can spend a lot of time fucking strange… but sometimes, you find someone you connect with and enjoy being around… and sometimes you fall in love…

Well, I have more to write, but I am going to stop here to let this sink in…

Muah Sophia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Emotions in Swinging – How Does It Look?

I am trying to explain a topic that thrills me and scares me… There you have it. I have made a very honest statement there… I love feeling things for other people and it scares me when I feel things for other people… if they don’t feel something back. I am talking mostly about feelings of friendship, but I am also talking about when those feelings of friendship are deeper than most other friendships. I truly love those types of relationships, where it is more than an acquaintance/friendship and more of a true best friend relationship… where you can share and be honest with each other… take risks in sharing… feel secure that you can share…

I thought I would do something a bit different when explaining it today… I wrote this ‘story’ for a friend who I have yet to meet. He lives in the Midwest, he knows I am posting it here… he also wrote a bit of his thoughts as a part of the story. This story is a mix of truth and fantasy. The truth of the story, is the details of our ‘relationship’ as it has been since I jumped on the site he was on… and our conversations and the development of a deeper ‘acquaintanceship’ that feels like a ‘friendship’… and the fantasy part is that this is a story of us meeting and we haven’t met yet.

Why this is being included in this post is because, it shows how a person can meet someone, say on the forums… and a ‘like’ between them happens… like, he liked my posts, I liked his posts… I wasn’t too ugly to like… he wasn’t too ugly to like… my pictures didn’t scare him off… his pictures didn’t scare me off… and we don’t always agree on what we write… but… we still ‘like’ each other… Awesome you say… well, it is added to this post because we started a ‘google doc’ where we could write a few little things to each other instead of trying to text everything (my poor right hand index finger gets so tired)…. and I love sharing a doc and being able to fully express a thought without my phone changing the word to something that isn’t even a word one would use – like FIR instead of FOR… who the hell writes FIR?  And he posted on this doc a copy of a text we did… and I decided to write what was in my head and on my heart… and not to get too mushy, but have you ever had something that you wanted to write or tell someone that was so important and you thought about it for a long time and then it felt like it was on your heart because you believed it must be shared…

Well, this isn’t a declaration of love… if that is what you are thinking… he has read my blog posts, my forum posts, and my texts to him… but this type of writing that I wanted to share with him is the type of writing I love to do… but it often scares people… because I do add emotions to the thoughts I have… and the emotion is not necessarily declarations of love as in I love you and we must spend forever together… but I love you as in you have moved from an acquaintance to someone I enjoy being with (even if it is having some fun conversations about a variety of topics….) and if we did meet up, I am certain we would enjoy having a conversation or two and because we are swingers… sex.

Well, I shared this with him… went out on a limb with him because it was something very personal and it went well beyond going down on his cock in a bathroom (taking the edge off)… I can write all day long and share with everyone just about anything, but when I really share my head and heart… it is some pretty scary shit for me… I worry, I think – he will love it – he will hate it… Should I have, should I have NOT…

So, here it is… my portion is in purple and his portion is in black. I do have to say… I was almost in happy tears when I read his portion… I felt his honesty in his words, but more than that… I really felt he got me. He understood me. Not just in ‘copying’ my writing style (not saying he copied it but that he understood my intent, my heart so to speak and followed his own in the writing)… now if you are thinking this is all mushy shit… it kinda is… but it is not the mushy shit that leads someone to leave a spouse… it is the mushy shit that allows someone to connect at a deeper level… and this is what I crave… yes, I like very casual fucking strange encounters, where I don’t have to have a relationship and the fun is just that fun… and yes, I crave these types of ‘relationships’ where I can share with people things more than – hold on, you know it’s coming – time of day (morning), what’s up, and other stupid shit… so maybe this make some sense in relation with the other posts about communication… and awkwardness…

Okay, here it goes… “Our Conversation” is the title of the document/story board… but I titled this as “His Arrival”… hope you like it… or at least see, why I love communication and engagement so much…

She was waiting by the luggage area as she was not able to get any closer to the arriving flights. This was driving her crazy as she saw his plane landed nearly five minutes ago. What is taking him so long?

She wasn’t upset, more anxious for his arrival. They had known each other for years, but only now considered meeting each other. Yes, for the first time. She had known him from his posts on the forums for many years, but now, she wanted to know him, all of him.

She worried for days, weeks actually about what she was going to wear when he first laid eyes on her… it seemed funny since it was not the first time he saw pictures of her… but it would be the first time he saw her.

She was honest about who she is… but now, he finds out if she is who he imagined her to be. If she was honest, that scared her more than anything.

He had also found himself feeling pensive during the flight. This is normal for him, but this time was a bit more than usual. He and his wife have made many sexy friends back at home and together while on vacation, but this would be a first: he would be making, hopefully, a new friend. But a new friend who lives far from him, and who his wife has heard of but does not know. And, if things go as hoped and anticipated, things could become very intense very quickly.

He has felt that he has grown, both socially, and emotionally, with his experiences over the past few years. His self-perception had been of a reasonably good-looking fellow who was socially inept, at least as far as flirting and attractive women went. But then they decided to pursue sexually social adventures, and he had a shell to break out of. He found he could develop closeness with women through the written word. Usually a friendship started through chatting and texting carried over to a physical friendship when face to face… and he had high hopes for a physical friendship.

He knew he had an image of her in his mind’s eye, a mix of still photos and his perception of her personality through writing. It was there, in writing, that they had connected first, which is usually a good sign… still, that connection doesn’t universally carry over to face to face, lips to lips, or skin to skin. Skin to skin… the thought made him shiver slightly.

He had no idea what she would be wearing. Honestly, he rarely cares much about that, but for some reason images of hard nipples standing pertly behind a white blouse hovered around his mind. He had seen nearly every inch of her in photos, but he hoped the three-dimensional woman, fleshed out, was pleasing. Particularly her eyes, and her smile. He was not concerned at all about the rest of her body, since when the smile and the personality worked, the rest follows easily.

Their friendship had developed unusually for him… they had known of each other for several years, sharing opinions publicly, exchanged a few messages. He does prefer women who have well-stated opinions. But that didn’t seem to translate into much of a connection until recent months, when the messages flew fast and hard… suddenly he hoped she didn’t only like fast and hard. At least he would find out soon.

What would her voice sound like? What accent would she have? That is often the biggest surprise, when photos are so freely exchanged. There are of course several voices inside a person… the voice from her mind, which he had been long been familiar with. There is the voice of her lips, which he would encounter as soon as the plane lands. There is also the voice of erotic lust, which is breathed softly into an ear or cried out loudly in pleasure… he dared not think too much about that voice just then.

They had really connected only a few months earlier… he had publicly shared some very personal struggles and she responded with caring and also with helpful advice. A thank you led to many more exchanges… social, intellectual, emotional, but not physical, due to the thousand miles in between.

Within a couple of weeks they were fantasizing quite explicitly, imagining what it would be like to lay their eyes on each other, and hands, and lips and… to hell with it, he simply wanted her naked in his arms. And since he had seen that conference scheduled for late April, these thoughts had become more concrete, more specific, and more insistent.

They had had at least one, lengthy and very x-rated conversation. He was supposed to be working that afternoon, but he had been swept away by the fantasy and the glee of imagining this familiar yet still unknown woman with him their eyes meeting, their nude bodies pressed together, their legs intertwined… this led to many more thoughts. And she said she had enjoyed this conversation in much more carnal and orgasmic ways… that had added greatly to his mental pleasure.

But now the plane had touched down, he was again standing, stretching his legs… suddenly his phone vibrated, and a box with her pseudonym popped up. It was going to be real, now. He had known that pseudonym for years, then her true name, then much later pieces of the woman behind it all. In five minutes there would be just her in flesh and blood, and then very soon much more of the flesh… he was finally about to find out.

She wasn’t worried about how they would get along in bed. Yes, that would be something they would do. His trip really was quite short. He was coming for work and yet, found time to spend with her. She was thrilled. She was nervous. She was horny.

It wasn’t just fear he won’t like that had her body tense and her mind occupied. It was the sex she wanted so very much.

People started coming down the escalator. Thank goodness he is tall. She will see him above the other people easily… she looked up again to the top of the escalator just as he looked up. Her eyes locked onto his. Her heart started beating even faster if that is even possible. He smiled at her. Not a OMG what did I do smile. But one of those smiles that says I am so excited to meet you.

She stayed in her spot a bit back from the bottom of the escalator. She waited for him to come to her. No, it wasn’t a measure of controlling the situation. She just did not think her legs would carry her.

He walked up to her with that smile still on his face. His eyes were bright and yet, they still sent sexy messages of how much he wants her. He is just a few inches away and drops his bag gently on the ground next to them. He places his hands on the sides of her face, bends down and places a sweet and tender kiss.

She placed her hands around his back and pulled him closer as she deepened the kiss. He only needed that slight encouragement before he once again took control of the kiss.

The kiss was amazing as it told her of his happiness to meet, his desire to be with her, and the playful banter they share as he would pull his mouth slightly away only to hear her moan in begging him not to part from her lips. Several minutes passed as they enjoyed their welcome… they heard someone say something about how sweet the reunited lovers were… so eager to reacquaint.

She started to giggle… they knew the truth… they weren’t really reuniting… but yet, in a way they were… so much of what they felt for each other was that of lovers who shared much with each other… yet, this moment was the first they actually touched.

She asked him how his flight was, how his wife and son are… yes, that makes this very different from other lovers meeting again or for the first time… the feelings and desire is real and not hidden from his wife… or her husband. The ability to enjoy each other without fear or guilt… adds to the pleasure of greetings and first hellos such as this…

It was as if both were thinking the same thing…about how lucky they are… and yet, they were anticipating what it would be like once they head to the hotel room.

He asks her why she is so quiet… he knows she loves to talk… loves to share her opinions on everything… he is a bit worried that she is so quiet… yes, the normal fears one has when starting a relationship of any type.

She grabs his hand, leans into his side… she looks up at him and says… I am lost in this incredible moment… it feels so good to finally touch you…

They picked up the rest of his luggage and walked hand in hand to her car. Nothing was said verbally, but the innocent touching of their hands sent sparks of excitement through each of them… she opened the trunk so he could place the luggage inside and then walked to the passenger side door. She slides in as she handed him the keys. He leaned down and kissed her showing he understood what she was meaning as she gave her keys away. She was giving up control to him, he could lead the entire adventure while they were together. For her, it was a huge deal to give this up… for him, he treasured everything it meant for her to trust him so completely so quickly.

As he settled into the driver’s seat, she reached her hand over to his… he took it and placed her hand on his cheek… she leaned over and placed her lips on his and gave him a kiss unlike what was felt earlier… she then whispered against his lips… I can’t wait to wear you out.

He busted out laughing, he knew what she was capable of from her stories on the forums and her conversations she had with him… he was looking forward to it…

She took his hand and placed it between her thighs… she was wearing lace panties under her skirt… he could already smell her excitement, but now he could feel it too…

His cock started to respond to the stimuli around him… she placed her other hand on his cock… this cock is all mine this weekend… you are going to love what I do to it… to you…

They kissed once more as he asked how far is the hotel? She answered… right across the street… we are already checked in… the bed is ready for us right now… are you?

Oh, he was very ready… he drove to the hotel… left his bags in the car… the bags could wait, he couldn’t. He waited too many years already…

They walked with his arm around her shoulders and her leaning slightly into him. The stood before the elevators and in the shiny reflection saw themselves. Both were smiling, both were happy, and both wanted the elevator to hurry up.

She told herself that when they got on the elevator to keep her hands to herself. They didn’t want to be caught in a compromising position… and not one they wanted to finish before leaving the confined and private space.

He did not seem to think the same things as her. As soon as they entered the elevator and found they were alone, he slowly backed her up to the wall. He leaned down and kissed her, it was all he wanted to do. Well, almost all he wanted to do… he parted her legs with one hand as the other hand was buried in her curls. He moved the lace of her panties to one side and began to slide his finger along the lips of her pussy. She was so wet, so warm, so inviting.

A moan escaped her mouth and went directly into his. She spread her legs some more as an invitation to please touch her innermost parts. He couldn’t resist. He took one finger and slid it in between her warmth and felt his body shudder in the feel of her wetness. Wetness he knew was just for him.

He put one finger in and then a second finger… sliding in and out at a leisurely pace. He was imagining his cock buried deep within her… sliding in and out.. Feeling her pussy tighten in pleasure around him…he pulled his fingers out and hear her moan her displeasure at the vacancy his fingers left… he slid his fingers into his mouth…

His first taste of her was sheer bliss. She tasted so sweet, so feminine, so uniquely her. He had never tasted her before but knew he would never forget that first drop on his tongue.

She heard the bell ring as he turned to stand behind her… she felt his cock press against his pants against her back. She couldn’t help but let out a moan as she pulled her skirt back in place.

As they exited the elevator she grabbed the room key from her purse. He took it from her and opened the door, letting her in first. As soon as the door closed he pushed her with passion against the door, careful not to hurt her, but at the same time he didn’t want to waste anymore precious moments.

She was happy to be against the door, being kissed by a man possessed. And he was. He had a need in him that only she could fulfill. Too many days, weeks, months, years of dreaming of this moment kept him hard and wanting her. No, want is not the right word. He needed her in a desperate manner. He loved his wife a great deal, loved their sex life, but this woman in his arms, he had a need that only she could quench. Only she could fill.

She began taking his shirt off but gave up… instead she moved to his pants and started undoing his belt. He could tell her concentration was disturbed by other forces in play… she was struggling with his belt far too much… in sexual frustration she simply unzipped his pants and pulled his very hard cock out…

She took hold of his cock… stroking it with just the right amount of pressure to make him feel very good, almost too good… he suggested they slow down… she told him no, I have waited too long to feel you inside me. It has to be now… I need to feel you in me now.

He took hold of her panties and roughly slid them down her legs… she pulled one foot out of her panties as he grabbed that leg and lifted it up around his waist. He took her mouth with  his and slammed his cock in her wet and waiting pussy…

She yelled out fuck yes as he slid in and out of her pussy as his fingers did in the elevator… she begged for more and he obliged. He pounded her hard against the door, the door that was rattling in its frame from their efforts. He felt like he had come home being in her pussy. She needed him too. She needed him to claim her pussy, make it his for this time they were together.

Her breathing became more difficult the closer she was to cumming… He told her to let herself go as he was ready to cum as well. It wasn’t how he imagined their first time, yet, it seemed absolutely perfect how it happened. He wouldn’t change a thing…

He could feel her legs weaken and her pussy tighten… she is begging him for more and as she does, he gives her all he has… he can feel the room darken around him as he is about to cum with an intense orgasm, one he may never have felt as strong before… he feels her juices dripping down onto his cock and he lets go with all he has…

He slams her hard against the door in the midst of his orgasm… she is being held up only by the force of the door and his body… she is shuddering throughout her entire body and cannot let go of him.

He is just as spent as she is, his orgasm so incredible… he can feel his cum coming back down around his cock. There is something very special about cumming inside her without any barriers. He is so glad they spoke of this before this moment.

Having nothing between them has made this more of a connection than they normally have with their partners. They both know this is special, but just how special, they had no clue. The relationship was built on sex, desire, and somewhere along the way, they became friends, built a connection, tied together with emotions common in friendships and lovers… oh how this makes it all the more enjoyable… to know from anticipation what the other likes… what they have in common, how they can connect so easily… with such passion…

When their bodies begin to recover, he takes her hand and leads her to the bed. She begins to undress and he follows suit. They lie down together and begin to talk about his flight, her day… everything but what they had just done. No words were needed about what they felt, what they had done… none whatsoever.

Yet, they could still find the words to talk about what they still want to do to each other, with each other… he almost forgot just why he came to this location in the first place… they are going to have to find as much time as possible to explore each other work be damned… she snuggled into his arms, on his chest… he had his hand in her hair and stroking her back… soft kisses were placed on her head and on his chest… the smell of their pleasure thick in the air, the delicious taste of salt on their skin…

If this was the first few minutes together, what would the rest of their time be like.

There is something sweet about being able to talk with emotions in swinging. As I mentioned, I don’t have to be attached to or friends with people who I fuck. But when I do choose you to start talking with and get to know better, there is a part of me that thinks, ‘there is something here I want to see where it goes’ and often at that point, I am disappointed by the response… and I will discuss more later whether or not, it is my setting too high of expectations or if it is simply guys saying what they think I want to hear and thinking it is enough to do just enough… and this will delve into those conversations that are with the guys saying ‘how much I mean to them’ or ‘how deep their feelings are for me’ and yet, think ‘morning’, ‘what’s up’ or ‘talk to me’ is good enough… Seriously, read my profile once and you will know… it really isn’t…

Anyways, a topic for another post…

Hope you were able to see how emotions can enhance the relationship… and relationship does not mean – leaving your spouse – it means, more than a once and done fucking strange encounter…

Let me know you thoughts…

Muah Sophia

Emotions in Swinging

We hear many people say they do not tolerate drama… and drama stems from emotions… emotions are bad… we hear that people want friends… and friendships stem from emotions… emotions are good. So, which is it? Good or bad?

When one looks at drama and the emotions surrounding drama, a number of people say those emotions are bad. Are they?

When I think of the drama that I have witnessed in the lifestyle… the emotions leading up to the drama annoy me. I don’t really want to be around the drama… at the same time, I don’t know if it is all bad. I don’t want to be around it, but it is nice to see that people have emotions.

Why did I say that it is nice to see that people have emotions? Because a lot of people in swinging hide their emotions. Yes, they will laugh when happy and tell you if they don’t like something, but so many people are guarded when it comes to how they really feel. I am not talking about whether something sexual feels good, but whether or not someone will actually admit their real feelings.

A number of people I have had conversations with, will use similar phrases such as ‘I am excited for tonight’ or ‘I really like that’ but when you look at their faces (when in person of course)… they don’t really look excited or like they really like something…and it is at this time I begin to wonder what they are really feeling…

Do you ever wonder if someone is telling you the truth about how their feeling? Not that they are purposely lying to you, more like they are hiding how they really feel. A good number of people hide how they are feeling… and yet, when someone does share how they feel, really feel, they freak the other person out.

So what do we want? People to share their true selves or people who hide the feelings?

That is a tough question and it is a question that needs to be answered… individually. I can’t answer for you and you can’t answer for me. It is one of those things that has to be on a case by case bases for answering and more importantly, a case by case basis for the people we feel something for or feel something for us.

As I read through this post so far, I am thinking of a number of things and mostly how clinical this post is reading. In the previous post I asked some questions and am curious about the answers… most of the questions had to do with emotions that are often hidden in the lifestyle… such as how do you come to terms with the feelings you have yourself and also explain them to your spouse?

How do you do that? How do you explain to your spouse how you feel without them misunderstanding and possibly getting upset because the emotions you feel and the manner you explain them is not how they perceive them?

That is the biggest challenge and by far the hardest to deal with when the emotions you are feeling are more on a close friend level than a replacement for a spouse level.

How many of you have connected very well with someone, not to the point where they are considered for replacing a spouse but instead you see them as a very close friend… yet, they are of the opposite sex and considered an instant threat?

And let’s go a little further… how many of you have found someone of the opposite sex who is a perfect as a great friend and possibly thinking if they were up for it… being a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ in the poly sense… an addition not a replacement to your current spouse?

There are many facets to friendship in the lifestyle and when emotions happen into the lifestyle the reality of the emotions and the fears of the other person causes a lot of confusion into the mix.

And to make it all the more challenging, throw in ‘new relationship emotions’ and you got a powder keg of potential drama… and it all starts because of the little emotions of wanting to get know your potential play partner.

I know this is not very personal and I mentioned that I wanted to get very personal in this series… and yes, I did use a different title for this post than I suggested… but I want to start by talking about emotions and how scary emotions are in vanilla relationships before we add the lifestyle to the mix… yet, I haven’t quite gotten to that point yet, maybe the next post… sometimes, well a lot of time, my posts have a mind of their own and I am only following where my brain and fingers take me…

Fucking strange is really acceptable for most people even when they claim they must be friends first… they want to admit they want friendships, but they do not want the emotional investment that comes with the friendship…

I bet you don’t believe me? Or you are upset that I stated something so bold… but I will stand behind that argument… you may say you want the friendships in the lifestyle, but you really don’t. You don’t want to commit to the emotions necessary to become friends, because sometimes, losing friends hurt… so you hold yourself back… and sometimes, someone will be more of a friend, have a deeper connection than the others… and that desired 4-way connection we want to force on everyone doesn’t happen. Yes, the 4-way connection is a scape-goat… the line people use when their spouse and the other spouse hit it off way better than you and the potential partner you are with have… so you see that close bond happen… and you declare… no 4-way connection is here… gotta stop it right now… and then you will think it is all over… but is it? Does that connection ever go away if the connection is there? No, it does not… it lingers as a regret… missed opportunity… and often it comes back around… and when it does… the feelings are deeper than before… why? Because you spent so much time thinking ‘hmm, what could have happened if we had only gotten the chance to see it through…’ So the spouses fear of emotions and cutting the emotions off by cutting off the ‘dating’ or ‘lifestyle adventure’ at the start of the emotional connection does NOT work… and in fact only makes it stronger… almost like a goal they have to accomplish… possibly even a strong desire, not yet an obsession, but damn it is getting close to see what would have happened…. and well… fear of emotions caused something to build that may or may not have built if left to run its course, yet… what would have been so wrong if they developed a great friendship, had feelings for each other???

Why is feeling something for someone in the lifestyle so very wrong?

Do we really want our partner to miss out on having someone they enjoy talking to, having sex with, doing things together or sharing happy and sad news?

Do we restrict their vanilla friends when they find someone (same sex or opposite sex) that they can connect with because they like them too much?

Yet, because we get naked and have sex… suddenly, all our fears come to the surface and we think… if we like them and fuck them we will leave our spouse for them… is that true?

Do we really want to go through the entire ‘getting used to the person who is our spouse all over again’?

No, we want the excitement of a new relationship (isn’t that why we like the whole idea of fucking strange, swinging, adding spice to our sex life, and all those other lines we say… we love the excitement of finding someone we want to fuck… the thrill of the hunt… and yet, when we find this, we have a natural tendency to hide it from our spouse (or try to, I mean come on… suddenly we are on our phone all the time, smiling like a fool because we see their name or number coming up and no one is going to notice????) and our spouse instantly thinks we want to leave them because we are doing what swingers are supposed to do…. FIND SOME ONE THEY ARE INTERESTED IN!!!!!!!!

Sheesh, no wonder emotions are such a horrible thing in the lifestyle…we want them, but can’t have them, but have to tell people we want them, but not really want them, and then they can’t have them for us, but we want them to have them for me… and on and on it goes…

We have a number of acquaintances in the lifestyle that call themselves friends. We only hear from them when they want to fuck us or we are having a party. I will get a text from them when they are bored. I will get a text from them when they have a question and they think I can answer it… I will get an email when they have a rant they want… but they are not really friends… granted some of them are far away due to the internet, they feel like friends… and some of them are closer by, but still an hour or two or more away… but they are not really friends.

Their texts are very selfish. The texts or emails are about what they want or need at the time. It is okay. It is the way of the lifestyle. Other parts of our lives get in the way and come on, not everyone can text every person they know everyday. And I don’t want someone to text me every day out of habit or worse yet duty (a lot of my bitching about texts that say ‘morning’ or ‘what’s up’ come from this feeling… duty)… and I don’t text the same people every day. But when you get the ‘bootie call’ text… does it bother you, excite you, or sometimes a bit of both? It’s like, hmm, could you at least text once a week just to say hi if you are thinking in three weeks you will have time to fuck me… you know, to make it feel less like being a call girl/guy? Ah, there is a sample of some negative emotions showing through… someone feeling a bit used… they thought they were friends, but it is only a ‘get fucked’ communication… as in I want to get fucked, are you free?

I have said this before and I will say it over and over again… I rarely text anyone first. If you want to text or kik me, I will give you my information and even if you gave me yours first, I will not text or kik you first. I have no idea what your schedule is at that moment and I am not going to text you at an inconvenient time. Yes, I know and understand that you don’t have to answer me if you can’t… that is not the point. The point is that I will leave it up to you because I know I work primarily from home and you may not. So I leave it up to you to text first.

Then when we are texting for a while, I still won’t on a regular basis text you first. Again, I have no idea your schedule… and more than that… I don’t know if you have permission to text me.

I could have put that up there first… and probably should have… but so many people, mostly men, don’t have their spouses permission to text a girl. To text a girl who may get to know them so well that they begin to develop feelings for the girl. So they have rules against texting a girl… especially if that girl lives a ways away… there is a fear that there will be some long distance love affair going on… and this is even worse if they live relatively close by… seriously, many think that if I am easy to talk to and you enjoy talking to me about everything under the sun… you are going to move from your home into mine… yeah, not really seeing that happen… but hey, that’s what a fantasy is for right? To think that this person is so awesome you want to leave your family and move in with them… not to consider that even if they give good text… are fun on a date… and fuck spectacularly, that they are easy peasy lots of fun to live with daily… hmm, maybe we should remind our spouses of that fact… umm, well dear… I annoy you at least twice a day… I am thinking I will annoy him at least twice a day… and then when the swinger bubble busts… he/she will see that I am far more annoying when the blog post writer shares her never ending opinions on things all damn day… and while I do enjoy sex… a relationship needs more than just swinger sex…

Okay, that was a bit off topic… but see how I think… can you really live with this day in and day out… probably not… but I can honestly say, life ain’t boring around here… with me… so do you really want to leave your spouse because you like talking with me… sharing with me… wanting to fuck me? Does your spouse really have anything to worry about because you like talking with me?

Okay, I was talking about, before the last path to somewhere else… when a spouse feels threatened and forces you to stop all communication… you may have to go back a few sentences to make this next sentence make sense…

And yet, there are many who feel the emotions more intensely when they are told they can’t do something. Like text me. Or communicate and share with me. Their spouse has made their fears a reality at this point…

Here is what is funny about that… if they guy is honest to his wife and his wife understands that the thrill of having someone to share things with as in friendships is allowed, most of the time I will do or say something that pisses them off and the guy will stop talking to me… honest, it happens… I share my opinions and desires and they are not the same as theirs and they get mad and stop talking to me… of course they will come back and text me again… I think it is to see if I changed my mind… I likely didn’t, but whatever… believe what you want… but if I say that I am not submissive in the generally accepted definition of submissive in the lifestyle… I am not going to be submissive 3 months from now… however, I can be and enjoy being submissive in a different sort of way… Can I venture off on this side path for a few minutes? Well thank you for the permission here goes…

I am not submissive as in if you order me to do something I wont’ do it. Seriously, tell me to do something and I can’t. I have chronic hives and sensitive nerves and well, you tell me you are going to put a nipple clamp on me, first, I will tell you no. It doesn’t feel good, it hurts, no pleasure just pain (hives/nerves) and second… I am not sure why you think I want to be told what to do… I have already mentioned I am not submissive… Alrighty then… here is where I am submissive… you whisper in my ear while we are kissing or fucking that you would love to see me or you would love me to do………..fill in the blank as long as it is something that will cause me pain… and I will fucking do it with no questions asked… I will submit because for whatever reason, I believe that in this case, you understand me, you want me to do this for you… as a request not an order… and I will fucking do it… tell me what to do… and fuck no. I have a dom side… I have things I love to explore with guys… and I would love to share that with you… I may tell you what I like to do with guys or something I have yet to try with guys… and if you say you don’t want to do them, the discussion is done… unless you bring it up… you would have to bring it up… why? Because when you said you didn’t like it, I took you seriously… I didn’t get mad, stop texting you, or otherwise let my emotions get the better of me…. just saying…

Okay, what do I say that pisses them off? It can be a number of things… like saying something that is the truth that they don’t want to hear… or they try to argue a point with me and that point is my opinion and they get mad because my opinion didn’t change… like that one question that has destroyed a few ‘friendships’ – yeah, when you read the question you will be like WHAT THE FUCK? I ask that often… but here it is, the question that destroys many lifestyle friendships with Sophia….. What is your favorite color? My answer pink and purple… their response, you can’t have two favorite colors I asked for one favorite color. So what, I have two… and many hours later they are pissed that I won’t budge on having two colors and they don’t understand they fucked up by saying my answer was wrong instead of realizing how beautifully unique I am at having two favorite colors and have a heart open to non-standard answers…

Yep, your spouse has nothing to really worry about. You will say something relatively insignificant, fail to realize that my answer really told you a lot more about me than you thought… you overlooked it, and I have no desire to waste time on a guy who expects standard answers from me and overlooks my capacity to think and live outside a box…

And that is a great insight into who I am and why I love swinging so much… I love the fact that there doesn’t have to be hard and fast rules in swinging. That you can open your heart up to other people in a variety of ways…

So if we give the two favorite colors a deeper look… doesn’t that say in some capacity, if the expected answer is one color, and my answer is a dead even, steadfast two colors (pink and purple by the way)… doesn’t that indicate that I can have friendships that are deeper and almost to the degree of significance reserved for an intimate partner, or even have the capacity to have a poly relationship where I can love two or more people at the same time but not necessarily more than another…

I love certain shades of pink and certain shades of purple… I love them equally, but not all pink shades and not all purple shades… I love the message or feeling I get from pink and from purple and I get different messages from those colors…

Much like the friendships I have with men… not the acquaintance relationships, where I get texts only when they want to fuck me otherwise I am off the radar and the phone is silent with their number… (and I am not complaining about those guys in general, just explaining that they may call me a friend, but it is a great definition of fucking strange, not friends and truly not lovers) but the guys who have developed a relationship with me even if it has never been spoken… those guys who can’t wait to talk to me, can’t wait to tell me something, share something with me, and those guys who want to hear what I have to say… are interested in finding out more about me inside, who I keep hidden from the masses… who appreciate me for who I am and not the person they view me as…

Yes, there are some guys who have an image of who I am based on my pictures, my forum or blog posts, or their own imagination based on our conversations… they do not take the time to get to know me and I do not take the time to get to know them… and this goes back to fucking strange. There is a separation between ‘strange’ and acquaintance and friend…

But some guys have an image of who I am and become very attached to that image and feel that to be included in my ‘inner circle’ is somehow all they need… and their emotions and actions are based on that need to be in the ‘inner circle’ rather than get to know me… their emotions towards me are not real and not sustaining… it is flattering but I am able to determine quickly if they are real or fantasy based.

When the emotions are real… it is more than flattering… it is scary.

What if I can’t live up to their expectations? What if I can’t or don’t feel the same? Even worse, what if I do?

Well, I am going to stop there… I think it is a good point… what if you have strong feelings for me… and I have strong feelings for you… what do you do?

Muah Sophia

 

 

Interesting Observations

I have been noticing somethings recently… How many of you are surprised that I notice things??? Yeah, probably not a whole lot. This is one of those posts where I have an idea in my head about what I want to talk about, but it will probably end up some where else… I kinda like those journeys in my thought process and blog posts as much as I like it in my sexually social adventure.

I tend to make a point not to ‘think too hard’ on how a date should go. Last night we had a couple date and I know, I said I don’t like couple dates, I hate the whole entire process anymore… however, this particular couple date was awesome. I had laughed so hard, had so much fun… and that was when we were still at the bar/restaurant… The female half, let’s call her Sally… she contacted me and wanted to set up a time to get drinks. In a few short messages we had the day, time, place, and what we would do afterwards figured out… It was awesome. It was a good sign that the date MAY go well. It did. Hubby and I had dinner before they arrived and we were sitting across from each other… and I wanted to do that on purpose to break the annoying cycle of one couple sitting across from another couple… They greeted us, we greeted them… there was instant chemistry where we could laugh and talk and have a great deal of fun right off the bat… Then there was the many conversations that included pussy, cocks, weird people, funny stories… and the other guy, let’s call him Roger… Roger, kissed my cheek in his greeting, he touched my leg, my arm, my back… under my shirt in the back… just lots of fun little touches that told me he wanted me…

Our 20 something waitress knew hubby and I arrived together… she saw Roger and Sally arrive together… she saw Roger and I touching each other, flirting and the other two doing their flirting… and then when it was time to bring the checks… and Sally said the items she and Roger had went on one check and hubby and mine on the other… the waitress smiled and in a very ‘knowing’ way told us all to have a great rest of the night…

That was fun… why? Because in the swinging and social awkwardness series I spoke of how hubby and I don’t know the other couple wants us at all in many couple dates… and here, much of the bar patrons and staff did… In some ways, that is how it should be. This bar is one we frequent often with other swingers… it is in most aspects a dive-ish bar… we have had some great times in this bar… this is in our home location, we have seen people we know from other walks of our lives… but there was something quite fun and sexy about others knowing the guy next to me wanted me and I wanted him… there was no doubt with us and those who saw us together… and yes, it is a hoot to walk into and out of a bar with your spouse after having fun and flirty words and actions with the other guy…

Last night I read an opening email from a single guy. This email annoyed me… and I share it because it is in great contrast to the email and text messages with Sally above… He tells me to please read and respone (his spelling error) Thank you. Well hot damn… you want me to read your email and respone to you… Anyone want to tell me what the hell respone means? Yes, I know it is a spelling mistake, he meant to type respond… I get that, I make spelling mistakes all the time… I type and hit enter before reading it… but here is the thing, if this is my first contact with you and you are going to order me to read and respone, shouldn’t you make the communication something that is worth reading and responding too?

He tells me he is married with permission, his wife plays separately, she is available to verify this, gave me his kik information and that is about all. I am not looking at it right now… but that is all that sparks my recall of the email.

Here is my problem with the email….

  1. He is telling me to read it and respond (spelled incorrectly) so the first thing I want to respond to him is -who the fuck do you think you are to tell me to read and respond and if I am to respond, maybe you could at least spell check…. this site has fucking spell check!
  2. He has no fucking pictures on his profile. Not one. Not even a single male cock shot… He has a paid account… so there is that going for him… but what if I read and respond and ask him for a picture and he is fucking disgusting and nothing I want to meet in person. There are some very scary folks out here and well, I like to see who the fuck I am going to write too… want someone to read and respone, then give me something to know about you that matters…. to ME!
  3. How the fuck do I know that the ‘woman’ you will have me call or text is really your wife? And sometimes we have talked to women who sound like men… and men who sound like women…Why start that off in the email if I have no idea who you are because you have no fucking pictures…
  4. Where is anything that has to do with me? I don’t mean to sound selfish here… but come on, this entire email had nothing to do with me… except for it was sent to me… but was it just to me or a cut and paste form email? No hi, read your profile, saw your pictures, you are beautiful, great writer… nothing… so I have to assume you are a form letter email sender… nothing demonstrated you want to get to know me… you just gave me one order after another…and he says he was in the lifestyle for 14 years… and this is the best you have to offer? Really? Does this work? Not for me…

It is funny how things can go from one extreme to another in the lifestyle… and how people think some of this is okay to do and we should just accept it.

I am not going to respond or respone to him… why? Because it feels like a form letter and I am not sure he will remember that he sent it to me. I am not going to mention that I have no idea what he looks like and I don’t respond to faceless people… Fourteen years in the lifestyle and no picture at all on his profile… why does he think anyone is going to go through the hassle of responeing to his form letter email, with no picture and then have a surprise when he finally shows one… and if the surprise is a bad one… then I am left to come up with a way to tell him, thanks for wasting my time, but you should start off with a picture and a personalized email…

Have you ever had someone you wanted to meet but couldn’t? You really wanted to and even made some plans to and the plans fell apart and never gotten a chance to meet? The desire to meet is still there and then something happens that makes it a bit possible to meet… how do you react to that?

I am curious about your answers on that subject. Maybe you will share yours and I will share mine…

How many of you make a point to keep emotional connections out of the lifestyle and struggle with those very things? Maybe you feel a little guilty because you really connected with someone and you enjoy the connection you have?

Do you share those sentiments to the person? Do you keep them quiet so as to not break your heart?

And when you read the break your heart… please understand, it is not necessarily love I am talking about, but rather… have you ever had your heart broken because a vanilla friendship ended? Or you thought you were more than just work friends, I mean you did non work things with them… but after a while you figure out you are just work friends and when you don’t work together anymore, the friendship ends and you feel a little brokenhearted?

Some people come into your life in an unconventional manner and they make you feel good (think vanilla and swinger here)… you connect on an intellectual level. You connect on an emotional level. You connect with similar activities and likes… and then when you put together all those connections and add the desire to become ‘lovers’ even in the fucking strange context… that connection is bolder than you realized and you feel lost when you do not have contact with them…  you feel lost when you haven’t spent time with them… or the connection is such and you haven’t met yet and experienced the physical or sexual… how does that make you feel?

Many of us swingers try to pretend that those types of connections do not happen and certainly not at the level at which they do… have you ever mentioned the connections and the almost non-stop desire to be with them… not to replace your spouse… but to fill that need that is obviously there…

I am asking this because I really want your feedback. I am going to write about this and bare a bit more of myself than I feel comfortable doing… and you will likely see why i go on and on about the connection, communication, and the crazy feeling I have that something is very wrong with me as I love to fuck strange and in many cases strangers… as in I hardly know much of them… and yet, I long to have those types of connections that are stronger, deeper, and far more lasting.

This next bit is not my ego talking… well, not all of my ego talking… I am being honest… and approaching a topic that will likely annoy if not piss off my husband… but I crave those deeper, more emotional connections… but not with everyone… just with those people who it is almost instantaneously… and I have been told that some people have liked me and wanted to connect on a deeper level with me for years… there was something about me that really connected them to me… that made them want me… and as odd as it sounds… they weren’t alone… I just never said that same thing to them… too many people get scared when in a joking manner I say “I just love you…” after they said something funny, silly, deep, or understood my odd method of explaining something that I had difficulty finding words to express… so to tell someone that I feel a connection to you tends to scare them off… even if they feel the same thing…

I think that is a taboo subject in the lifestyle… the use of electronic communication can bring people together that normally would not know they exist… but because of this we are able to find people we connect well with…

Now, if I haven’t scared you off with those ramblings… I would really enjoy some of your feedback on these topics… and be prepared for the upcoming series… I am thinking of titling it “Are You Scared of Emotions in the Lifestyle?”

I will do my best to explain to you just how odd my thoughts are… because there are some people I just don’t care to know well and others, I can’t get enough of finding out more about them… maybe we all will learn something new about ourselves…

Muah Sophia