Tag Archives: first impressions

Sexually Speaking – First Impressions and Last Impressions

What makes a good first impression?

I have asked this quite often while in the middle of forming a first impression of people… whether electronic first impression or in person first impression, I have ofirst-impressionften wondered what makes a good first impression and if I am too picky on this area of first impression…

I have laughed hard at funny in a very good way emails that left a great first impression and wanted to meet with the sender… or forum posts… yes, that has been a great deal of fun… seeing someone who enters the forums in a great (in a good way) manner… and yes, some people enter the forums in a great (bad way) and I watch for their massive epic fail where they slink off the forums because even they realized how epic a fail was…

But besides the forums being entertaining when folks make their first impression… how do you decide if their first impression is good and if it strikes your fancy… My little picture above lists a few things… I love the word approachable… that is one compliment I get often… they feel they can approach me, whether with electronic communication or in person… sweet, confident, authentic… all kinds of character traits that make a difference… but do these character traits make a bigger difference in the first impression than looks?

Oh, that is a great question… what matters most… looks or personality?

I have always answered that by saying personality and joked that if you have a great personality but not so good looking, I can always close my eyes while having sex… I just can’t ignore your personality while having sex…

One big problem with saying that… I tend to close my eyes a lot during sex… not because I can’t stand to look at my partner… but because when I close my eyes… I am focusing on the sensations I am feeling, hearing, smelling (some sex smells are very good, just saying), tasting and because my eyes are closed… I can experience them at a deeper level… and my mind closes off all the distractions I can see… and that is a good thing…

Unless you read or hear me say that and you begin to wonder why my eyes are closed…

So… there have been a few who asked me that… and I had to get myself out of the ‘sensations’ I was feeling… and well… that isn’t so good… it is still the truth (both closing my eyes if you aren’t good looking enough but have a great personality and I close my eyes to experience all that is happening and shutting my mind off… but I have to tell you that I am thinking of all the people I may have closed my eyes to not see what I didn’t want to see… and well, that never happened… so there is that…

But I realized when I was writing this post… as when I post with a vague idea of what I am going to write about as it develops in my mind as I hit the keys… that I am often able to dig deeper into what I am thinking on a topic as I write it and as such, writing this… my first impressions do have to do with how a ‘person looks’ but not in the traditional manner.

Let me explain (as if you thought I wouldn’t… it is a blog post after all)…

I may notice what a person looks like… face, hair, body, etc… but more than that… and what will leave me with a lasting impression and in fact makes a more definite first impression is how the person ‘speaks’ with their body language. I am writing about me and what I find important with the first impression – so this means I am writing about what I think about MEN… so it is directed at men…

Confident – does the guy look confident? Is he standing or sitting upright without shoulders hunched over, does he look scared shitless, does he look like he wants to run away? On the other side… does the guy look overly confident, arrogant? Yes, there is a fine line between the not confident, confident, and arrogant… and only one is sexy.

Easy Going – Does the guy actually smile? Does he appear relaxed and happy or tense and concerned? Is he an ass to the wait staff or is he able to laugh and joke and flirt with the wait staff even in the midst of a ‘problem’?

Sexy – I hate to break the news to those who think sexy is only about looks… but sexy is a combination of all things… looks and personality… does the man give off a sexy vibe… confident, easy going, spontaneous, sensual, and flirty goes towards sexy… but so does… how he is dressed… and smells… and I am focusing on the good stuff here… like how he is dressed… is he dressed with some care and concern about what I am going to think about how he is dressed? This means… is he wearing sweat pants, camo anything (seriously, camo is not sexy to me… it means something very different to me than other women who may be into camo… it means… you don’t give a shit if I find you sexy… sweat pants… same things… seriously… not a good look even in the middle of the woods during a hunting trip… and when you wear camo pants with some off the wall shirt that does not match… you really put yourself directly on the no fuck list… sorry, but true…) So what do I think is a good look for a man? You would be surprised… I find a man in jeans that are clean, well fitted (not really into the pants that hang off your ass, are too tight and I can see the outline of every thing…) and a nice (clean) t shirt, button down shirt or pull over shirt… Seriously… not picky… but I have been surprised how little some men care about their looks and dress on ‘dates’, hall passes, parties, and so on… seriously… no wonder so many men don’t get any… and please shower… and shower with soap… and maybe a soap with a nice manly scent… or use some cologne… a woman wants a man to smell good and unless you have an allergy to cologne (I don’t) a woman wants to smell the guy after he leaves… yes, there you have it, I love to be able to smell his cologne on my body, the sheets, my clothes… a reminder of our time…

What the hell was I talking about? I got lost in the thought of some of the great smelling guys I have been with… fuck that was a nice thought…

Oh yeah, what makes a guy sexy…

To make myself feel better… I am going to relate the tangent I went on about his smell and say… that is a fucking good lasting impression… and the type you want… so when she smells that scent again she thinks of you… and wants you again… and again…

The combination of the looks and personality makes a guy sexy… A hot male who looks like a model who lacks confidence or is arrogant or rude to people makes him NOT SEXY…

And that is what plays into a first impression being either good or bad… and I am going to admit right now. I am a person who is willing to change her first impression… but it is pretty fucking hard to make it happen. It does happen, but it is pretty hard to make a change from my first impression.

What contributes to your first impressions? What makes you think of a person with a good first impression that has lasted and what has caused you to change your first impression for the good or bad? And how do you define sexy? Male or Female.

I am curious to ‘read’ your opinions on this… very curious…

And I am also curious what is your first impression of me.. whether it is solely based on this blog, profiles and communication through the profiles, or personal communication you have had with me… I would like to know what your first impression of me was and how it has changed (if it has changed) over the course of time…

Please… let me know… good, bad or ugly… I would love to know…

Muah Sophia

 

How Complicated Do We Make Sex?

I was chatting with some folks recently… married, single, male and female. I listen to things that they say and wonder how complicated do we make sex?

From what I can tell we make it very complicated… and I am not talking emotional stuff with regards to sex… just the simple good old fashion sex. You know when a man is attracted to a woman and wants to have sex with her… and the woman is attracted to the man and wants to have sex… and then suddenly… when the possibility of having sex is getting closer… we make it complicated…

I have been chatting with some single men recently… and I thought it would be fun to see how they respond to a woman who is upfront with them… wants to have sex and this sex can be a twosome or threesome… but it is some sex…

I am sorry but I had to laugh when I receive some of these responses. I mean laugh with joy and sarcasm… and disbelief.

I joined a few sites that are largely single men and woman… I listed myself as married and a swinger. I am looking for some men to have regularly occurring sex. I mention that I have grown children, one in college, a husband, own a business, and work from home. I cannot just get up in the middle of the day and go venture off… and I am not interested in late night booty calls. I expect someone who can respect that I have a full life and need to plan adventures as I will respect their schedules. I also mention that I am not interested in men who whine because I am not responding to them as soon as they want me too and trying to make me feel guilty won’t work so save your ‘you didn’t get back to me yet and you are not nice’ comments for your mommy. I then mentioned that I want someone I can have a conversation with, laugh with, and have great sex with so you really have to impress me with your conversational skills. I also stated that just because I say hi to you does not mean I want to fuck you.

I was open and honest. This basically said to the prospect “I am busy so give me time to plan something. I am a swinger so… there you go on that… and that you have to impress me with some basic conversational skills and that really is all you have to be able to do besides be good at sex. No long list of what they have to do, what they can and can’t be, just spark my interest. Keep my interest and you will be able to get on the short list of someone I may fuck….

So, I guess what I wrote is not what they are reading… and yes, before you go there, I know that most do not read the profiles… hell, 90% don’t write a profile. Or have a pic… but every once in while someone states that they have read my profile (by mentioning something in the profile) and well that is a good start.

But I have gotten some widely interesting opening lines.

“Why” (nothing else was said until 15 minutes later)

“How big is your man’s cock?”

I wrote to him, “Who are you talking to?”

He responded “I really want to fuck you, how big is your man’s cock?”

At this point, I have no idea how big his cock is… so I do not know if the question is so he can compare his size to ‘my man’s’ size because he is very large and has a great ego that needs stroking or because he has a small cock and and doesn’t want to be laughed at…

So I respond to him “Hey, thanks for confusing me with your opening line, inquiring about my man’s cock… if you are looking for male’s and their cocks, maybe you should change your preference to looking for males and females… and please don’t contact me again… so not interested.”

Well, he wrote back… “but I really want to fuck you.”

I gave up….

Another guy said he wanted to get to know me, everything about me…  his profile was blank. One pic of a dog. I gave him my blog post url. Told him to read it… He read one post (he said he only read one post and I could tell he only read the one post). He says, “Your blog is too long to read. Why do I need to read your blog to get to know about you?”

I responded, ‘you don’t have to read my blog. You said you wanted to get to know me. I gave you a blog url so you can get to know me… it has significantly more information than your profile does. It is kinda sad you want to know  all about me and yet you won’t read a blog… and you give the reason that basically says it is too much work…. I am sorry, I am not interested.”

He responds, ‘If I read your blog will you fuck me?”

I asked him what was he doing right now. He said just hanging on the site. I said, go read 5 blogs and tell me the titles of the posts you read. I will decide after you let me know what you read.

His response, “Are you a teacher?”

I gave up….

One guy wanted to chat with me… I gave him my kik name… he sends a message. He starts off with “I am bored. Thought I would chat with you.”

Now, I am not going to speak for all mankind or even all women… but you know what… telling me that you are chatting with me because you are bored…. WRONG ANSWER….

Seriously, it is really hard to NOT take offense to that….

I told him, “Sorry you are bored. I am really busy working right now. I am not going to be able to chat.”

Every day he sends a few messages and they all start off with how crappy his day is and how bored he is doing his work… when he has work… and you know what… I have ignored him, almost 95% of his messages… I finally had to block him… so now he is trying to chat with me on the site… I ignore him there…

Guess I am just not bored enough to talk with him…

One guy sent this opening message, first contact I had with him… “I’m driving near you in 2 hours, wanna fuck?”

Just writing this I had to stop and shake my head and rub my eyes from exasperation. Really, “I’m driving near you in 2 hours, wanna fuck?”

Well, it get’s better… I ignored his message – and before the polite police get on my ass… I saw the message for the first time 3 days later… he wrote me several other messages that included “I don’t know why you are being so NOT NICE. I messaged you the least you can do is respond.”

Really, that is the least I can do????? No, it is not… Actually, what I did do was two things… first… put on my profile the bit about guilt, not nice, and whining… and second thing I could do…

“Hey, first of all dude… I am not a call girl. I am not ready within 2 hours for any man I don’t know. I don’t do drive by sex. I am not on here 24/7 so I just now saw your 2 hour warning… and what the fuck is your problem if you think calling me not nice is going to get me to want to fuck a whiny ass man like you. Seriously, does that really work for you?”

Now, I am not usually the person who calls anyone DUDE… not sure where that came from… he responds by saying… “You can block me.”

I should mention he was really, really gross. I mean shudder inducing gross…

First impressions make a huge deal to everyone… I mean come on… if you want to have sex with someone and you are on a site… you have to consider a few things…

You may not be the only male/female on the site interested in the person you are chatting with…. make a good first impression…. write something in your profile…

You have to put your best foot forward… and please… I am a girl who loves a good cock shot… but damn, put something on the profile besides a cock….you know a face pic… and smile damn it… I cannot get turned on by the person I may want to meet if all I see is a cock… A guy’s face is important too… unless you walk around posed in that cock shot with your cock out there for all to see… I need a face to meet up with… and smile… seriously… I am not going to find a grumpy ass man attractive… scowling in a picture sends off a message that you are an asshole…. SERIOUSLY… SMILE…

List your damn height… I get not wanting to be listing your real weight… but fuck… how hard is it to list your height…. you will show pic after pic of your cock… put a bottle or other object to show how big your cock is… and then not list your height… I am sorry, you have to be at least an inch taller than me… when I am flat footed… I had a great conversation with this younger guy. He is nice, respectful, funny, and makes me laugh… His profile says to ask his height… I did… he is 5 foot fucking 3 inches… do you know how awkward it is to say… ‘Damn, can’t date you… you are younger than me and quite a bit shorter than me when I am flat footed let alone in heels… I will feel like I am your mommy….” list your height for pete’s sake…

Speaking of mommies… I am not yours… do not whine to me… do not say stupid things like… I had a crush on my mom’s friend growing up and you look like her… and speaking of mommies… don’t call me mommy as in “Hey mommy, how’s it going?” That may be acceptable in some cultures… not mine… as in that freaks me the fuck out…

Men need to act like men… by this I mean… at least offer to meet the girl near her home location. Most of the time a girl will meet you halfway… but offer to meet the girl near her location. Seriously, we were going to have a house party… I thought why not invite this guy to the party… he says, can we meet before hand…

I said, ‘why?’

He says, ‘I would like to have sex with you before we have sex with your husband.’

I tell him we can do that at the party… we play together or separately… at the parties too…

A few days later we had to cancel the party and I let him know… He asks me if we can get together. Then he says, “You can come here (an hour away). When you get a hotel room, give me a call and I will meet you there. Oh, btw, how long are we going to be together that night?”

I asked if he had a curfew.

His answer…. “No, I live alone and have a dog. I would have to let the dog out.”

So he lives alone, won’t drive the hour to my house. Won’t play at his house. Wants me to get a hotel in his town. Pay for the hotel. Hmm.

I said to him, ‘you know I don’t think it will work. I offered you to come to our house, you didn’t want to drive. But you want me to drive the total distance. You won’t get a hotel room in your own town… or offer up a hotel for me to reserve… you expect me to figure out what hotel will be nice for us…  you didn’t ask if we could split the distance or the cost… you want me to pay for the hotel, gas, and everything… and then you want to make sure you are done in enough time to take the dog out… yeah, not really my thing. I am thinking I am going to have to do all the fucking too. You may want to go for a prostitute instead…”

Then he says… “hey, if you want me to give you some money for the hotel room all you have to do is ask.”

My response… “Sweetie, go ask your mom how to treat a woman… even if they have to pay for half the costs because we know that is life… it is always nice to think that the guy thinks she is worth the effort to treat as a lady…”

He made one last response that I never responded too… “Why are you being such a bitch?”

And one guy and I hit if off… had some great chats… the chemistry was building at least online…

Then he asks me to drive to him 1.5 hours away… at 11:45 at night… I told him nope, won’t do it… it is a Tuesday night… got work the next day… it would be nearly 1:30 in the morning before I arrived. I am tired and I am not driving 1.5 hours this late…

He tells me I am all talk… I don’t really want to fuck strange men…

I asked him if he wanted to drive right now to come to my house and fuck… he said no… it was too late to drive that far…

OMG… I said really, it’s too late for you but not for me… I don’t think you have the guts to fuck a strange woman in her home… with her husband home… (he always had that fantasy…)

That was the end of that chat….

But it hasn’t been all that bad… in fact, I found a handful of guys that can open the chat with a great opening line… that makes me want to get to know them…

Some are respectful and understanding that they are one of many who are trying to contact me… they make a great opening based on being honest without being creepy…

“Hi Sophia, I know you get many guys hitting on you. I love your pictures and think you are very beautiful. I love the honest approach in your profile. I am not a swinger, but I am a guy and why not ask you some questions about swinging. If you would like to chat about what it is like being a swinger, me being apart of your swinging, and maybe seeing if there is chemistry….”

“Hey there, I am interested in you and who wouldn’t be interested in a beautiful woman. Your pictures are subtle yet very sexy. You seem confident and honest. Maybe you can look at my profile and see if you would be interested in chatting with me.”

Now, not all of them were long dissertations…

“Sophia beautiful Sophia. Check me out and let me know if you are interested in chatting.”

You got to admit that is much better than ‘I want to smash into you.’

I am going to be honest here… what the fuck does that mean… I have no clue… I could get I want to pound into you… but smash… the image that came to mind is a limp cock… unable to pound… just smashes up against the opening of my pussy… NO THANK YOU!

Had one guy from France chat with me… OMG was he amazing… he just seemed to know how to make a girl feel giddy and wanted…

The guy from Australia… and he has no clue how much I long to live in Australia… he was funny… and sweet… and admits that he doesn’t ‘travel to the US or anywhere outside of Australia but he sure does love my pictures and if all the woman looked as sexy as that in the US he may venture over.

But there are some guys within the country that have some great conversation skills and know the different between a compliment and an awkward moment when they went too far…

I am so enjoying getting to know these men… great conversations and great chemistry building…

So to bring the subject back to the title… how complicated do we make sex? Very. We forget that it is really a simple matter… find someone we are interested in and make nice to get their attention… follow the clues as to how to impress and approach them…

There was a stunning man in CA that I will never meet… but he is so damn hot… and I read his profile and he is looking for women and transsexuals… OH MY… what a 3sum that would be… so I sent him a message…. “I gotta admit… you are hot and your profile is very interesting. I have to say… I wish I lived closer to you… would love to be a part of a threesome with you and a beautiful transsexual… that would be fun to be a part of… and the image that conjures up… thanks for the warm fuzzy thoughts…”

He peeked at my profile… liked a number of my pics… and wrote back… “You darling are hot too… and yes, I want to be in a threesome with you and a transsexual… I think a woman who can express her desires like you do is very sexy. Love women who swing, so open to new experiences.”

And the conversation continued….

Hope you are having a wonderful sexually social adventure…

Sophia