Tag Archives: honest communication

Swingers and Honesty Feedback

I received an interesting comment from someone who read the last post. I guess I touched on a few things that she wanted to share about her own experiences. I have to say, I love it when readers reach out to me with their stories. However, this one is not the usual type of story I receive. It is great to illustrate what dishonesty in swinging can bring into your life.

Sophia, I read your post today and had to write you. My husband is one of those guys who aren’t honest with me. We have been swinging for 2 plus years already. We enjoy swinging and we both participate finding couples we want to meet. I found out recently that my husband is one of those guys who will meet secretly with a wife we met previously. I wondered if this was cheating and I know it is. If you are a swinger and your spouse is a swinger and you swing together there is no reason to hide things. He is, therefore he is cheating. Sophia, I don’t get this. We talked about hall passes and both agreed that if we were asked to hall pass we would talk about it and then hall pass. He never once told me about his desire for a hall pass. He never once ask me or told me he had a hall pass. I found out he has had several with several different women. He is a swinger who is cheating when he doesn’t have to cheat. I mentioned a guy I wanted to hall pass with and told him I wanted to ask the guy to hall pass and what did he think? He said, if I want to hall pass with the guy to go for it. While talking about me hall passing he never even suggested he might want a hall pass. He said nothing. It wasn’t like I was going to be upset with him. I was the person who brought up swinging in the beginning and hall passes. 

We were going to have sex one night, him and I. Our sex life is not as robust as you would think it should be for swingers. We are busy and tired and been together 16 years with three kids. Anyways, I suggest having sex with my husband and he starts acting weird. I didn’t get why he was acting so weird. Then he told me he couldn’t have sex because he has broke out from something. He has a STD. I don’t have the STD. I went to the health department the next day and got tested. I am still clean. He has a STD he didn’t have when we met. He never showed any symptoms before and was always clean on our tests. I demanded he tell me what he was doing. He finally admitted he was hall passing with 4 or 5 women. One of them must have infected him. I asked him how many, no guesses. I asked him when he was going to admit it to me. I asked him why he hasn’t asked for permission. I asked him when he did these hall passes. Why he was lying to me all the time. 

He had no answers that were good enough. A lot of I don’t know shit. I was so mad. He told me that I can’t get too upset that he is having sex, we are swingers. 

I told him that I don’t know if we can stay married. I told him I needed a few weeks to think about this all. During those two weeks I overheard a phone call he had with a female who is pregnant and thinks he may be the father. This means he not only slept with other women without my knowledge, obtained an STD and had sex without a condom and got a woman pregnant. 

I decided I was done. We are getting a divorce. He doesn’t know if he has fathered a 4th kid or not yet. She won’t tell him who all she slept with, how far along she is, or have a paternity test done. He is upset with me for giving up on him.

Like I said, we have started divorce proceedings. Our children understand a little of what is going on, they know that dad may have another child with another woman coming. They are 14, 13, and 11. It is a mess. It is more about him being dishonest but it is also about him being selfish, reckless, and just plain stupid. Our lives have been thrown into chaos because my husband couldn’t be honest. I had thought of the benefits of us having a poly relationship and talked to him about it so that we could expand ourselves. I have found someone that is a great friend, a great lover, and standing by me at this time. I am moving slowly with this but am still moving ahead with life. I don’t know why my husband couldn’t be honest with me. I don’t care anymore. He is the one who ruined our marriage and our children’s lives by being dishonest. It is on him. 

Krista

Thanks Krista. I hope you keep in touch and let me know how it goes. And best of luck.

Muah Sophia

Hall Pass Verification How Far To Go?

On the forums on Kasidie there is a topic about hall passes… well, not really, the title is Partner Stepping Out… and came about that it is the person who is wanting to hall pass with someone else that it is you responsibility not the someone’s responsibility to verify that they have their spouse’s permission.

This argument has been going around for a long time before I started swinging and will continue for as long as people hall pass…

Here is how I defined hall passes… I have permission to fuck you one-on-one… you have permission to fuck me one-on-one.

The responsibility to obtain that permission is placed on me to obtain it from my husband and for you to obtain it from your spouse.

I have a keen ‘gut’ that will send me messages that something is off… if you are acting like you don’t really have a hall pass… I let it go… not the fact that my gut says “no hall pass here” but I let the idea of hall passing with you go… I won’t hall pass if I think you are lying to me…

I have stopped all communication with guys who have lied to me or confessed to me that they really don’t have a hall pass… this is usually the people who I have not met before and they initiated the contact with me… I see no point in going any further with someone who I have nothing attached to and no connection. A few emails does not a connection make… and if you are lying to me or wanting to cheat with me… then I am done.

For those who I have had sex with already and then we hall pass and I find out that he did not have permission to hall pass… We can’t hall pass again. I won’t tell on him… I am not his mother… I am not going to contact his wife and tell her we hall passed. I default back to, I did all I needed to do. I obtained permission to hall pass. He was to obtain his permission… He didn’t, it is on him. I will, however, be very honest if I am asked by the wife if we hall passed, I will tell her the truth.

If I have known someone for a while and we plan a hall pass… I am very honest on my blog, forum posts, profile, and communication with them… I have made mention to them that I have permission to hall pass. It is up to them to have permission. Will I contact their wife? No. I won’t.

In the situation above about someone I hall passed with I had asked him in front of his wife if he had a hall pass. I was told yes. She did not say no he didn’t. I asked and was told yes in front of her. He did not tell her we were hall passing 4 days later. He confessed to me after the fact (a week later) he didn’t have a hall pass. He wanted to confess so that they could go to the party and he needed to cover his ass on this. I did all I needed to do in this case, verified with his wife standing there that they have a hall pass. He still lied. What more can a person do?

So, I won’t call a wife and ask if he has permission. It is not my job. If he has been in contact with me for any length of time and we talked about hall passes and I have shared with him he has to have permission and he lies to me… how do I know he actually asked his wife?

Early in our adventure a couple told a story of how they talked to on the phone the wife of a guy this woman was going to hall pass with… a few days later they skyped… the voice sounded the same… long story short… during their hall pass the real wife called. He used a co-worker to do the phone and skype verification. How much verification can one really do?

I assume that if a guy wants to hall pass with me after finding out I am a very opinionated and strong communicator… that if they are going to lie to me… they are doing it at their own risk… They are also very stupid… but they will do it at their own risk…

If I tell you that you need to have permission to hall pass with me and you lie to your spouse and me… it will come back to bite you in the ass. It always does.

I have far fewer hall passes than offers to hall pass. I could in fact have a hall pass once a week with a new guy if I chose to take every person at their word alone… but I don’t. I will carefully read what they are saying and what they are not saying… liars cannot keep their stories straight… they go into too much detail that makes it harder to keep the detail straight… they are evasive. They are just plain stupid sometimes.

I eliminate about 95% of the offers to hall pass or meet as a couple by single males or married with a hall pass that aren’t really single or with a hall pass. I can tell they are lying. Cheating…

I have stopped having hall passes with some that I have enjoyed a great time in and out of bed… why? Because something they did or said has made me believe they didn’t have permission. Sometimes, the permission was granted at first, but changed after a time… they decided they weren’t going to keep doing what they have been doing swinging-wise.

I have only had one guy ask my husband if he could hall pass with me. I had one lunch with the guy. The four of us played a time or two at their house and I played with him at a house party… his wife was not happy with him hall passing with me and that is why it was only the lunch… his wife pulled his hall pass after the house party. He looked like he was too attached to me.

That is not the first time that has happened… a guy liking me too much… but it doesn’t change the fact that I ask them if they have permission… I am not going to ask their wife if they do in fact have permission… and here is the most honest I can be…

I will not ask your wife via phone or skype if you have permission because, I have to have some degree of trust in you to arrive in a location where you and I will be playing alone. I have met some of the wives before, I have asked about hall passes in front of the wives, I have had one confirm with my husband before hand, and I have been asked by the guy if my husband is okay with it… I have had one guy talk to my husband before and after the hall pass (thanking him for the opportunity to spend time with me), I have had one who conversed with my husband on a kik group site while we were on a hall pass, I have had one who texted his wife while I was sitting next to him and he told me to watch what he wrote and wrote to his wife that he was here with me having some wine before we head to the hotel room. I have done all kinds of things before, during, and after the hall pass to ensure that all honest communication took place…. and I was still lied to.

I have shared one story of the phone and video confirmation failing as the person had a different person play the wife… I have heard where someone used another friends phone to send a verification text claiming it was the spouse, I have heard some tell me other stories of the lying that was done and they felt they vetted someone very well…

Here is the thing… if someone wants to fuck me that bad that they will lie to me… how will I know when it is a lie versus my paranoia? I have to trust my gut… if I believe that the person is going to lie to me… I stop thinking of hall passing with them. If I believe the person is going to lie to me and their spouse, I am going stop thinking of hall passing with him. If I have doubts as to who this person is and what this person is like, I will stop communicating with him about hall passes…

I have to trust this person. And am not talking about blind trust… but I have to believe that my trust in him is warranted… and if I do not feel I can trust him… I won’t hall pass with him.

I have been talking with a few guys about hall passes and at the time of us talking about hall passes, two of them had not talked to their wives specifically about hall passing with me. That is fine. All good. When we talk about how great it would be to hall pass… they have told me that they hadn’t talked with their wives yet… so all the talk about hall passes is just that… talk.

Talking about hall passes is fine… but it will never move towards an actual hall pass until they talk to their wife.

One person I have known from a site we are on has mentioned he wanted to see if we could meet… he found an opportunity and the talk became more serious about meeting… however, he hadn’t talked to his wife about hall passing with me. He has hall passes, they have a rule that they both meet the both parts of the couple… and yes, they have had a few exceptions to this where one was traveling or a quick turn around with a coworker… but their rule is to meet both parts of the couple in person… how are they going to do that with meeting me before we hall pass?

This is a problem I have with people who state ‘this is our rule and we never venture from it’… and with further communication, they have far more details they share that shows that they have made many exceptions as it fit into what they need at the time… yet, in principle, they will admonish the actions of someone who has not followed the most restrictive manner of hall pass verification.. totally ignoring their exceptions.

If I am with the couple in person I will ask about the hall pass when we are together. Even doing that… I have no guarantee they will be honest when we schedule a hall pass. I have had one recently not tell his wife he was hall passing with me despite me asking in front of his wife. So, asking a person in front of the spouse does not guarantee no lies ever.

I have been in kik groups and asked about the hall pass…

Whatever I have done once we get passed the talking about it is not as important as the trust I feel with the person and how I believe they will respect me enough to be honest with me.

The other person I am talking with, that is going to be a bit more challenging… for a number of reasons… but I will need more verification than just “I have a hall pass” because of what is being said now… the situation is a bit more complicated… but we can still work out the details and that includes verifying the permission of the wife…

I don’t believe in one size fits all rules… never had… it is something that has to be applied case by case basis. I don’t think that every situation will be the same and each situation needs to be assessed individually…

But I wonder what the vetting situation looks like when others talk about what I do is not enough… here is where my mind goes…

Swinger – Hall Pass Vetting Process

  1. Need to talk to you on the phone to verify you are the sex you claim to be
  2. Skype – we need to see that your face matches the pictures on the profile…
  3. Need to send me a text from your phone and your wife’s phone that includes the following – your name, your profile name, a picture of both of you with the sign stating “I am real” with today’s date, and my code word ‘verifyXXX’
  4. You will need to send me a copy of your driver’s license with a photo showing, your first name showing, and your city and state showing.
  5. You will need to show me your social security card with your name showing and the last four digits of your number.
  6. I need a copy of your last STD testing. It has to be within 24 hours of us meeting… but I need it 3 weeks before we meet.
  7. I need a copy of your last physical. I need to know if you will keel over while fucking me.
  8. I need to have a signed and notarized letter for you to present me at the time of our hall pass where your wife gives you permission to meet me… you will need to have your name, last 4 digits of your social security number, your wife’s name, last 4 digits of her social security number, and it must state… I, (wife’s name) has given permission for my husband (your name) to fuck you at (hotel’s name) during the time of (5pm to 9 pm). (your name) has permission to purchase you dinner, 2 drinks maximum, and pay for 1/2 the hotel room, you will have to pay for his dinner, 2 drinks maximum and half the hotel room. Condoms must be used, (your name) often tries to avoid condoms, but you must make sure he uses condoms, but doesn’t say anything that shows any emotions, or express feelings towards you… and you will not for him.
  9. Now, before we meet, I need to have a text from you stating you are heading to the hotel/restaurant, when you arrive, and when you are in the location agreed to meet… I will then need your wife to verify via facetime once you arrive that I have her permission to fuck you.

You see… if I don’t feel like I can trust you… because you lied or tried to lie to me… no matter what vetting process that was in place… my trust is broken… and we won’t be getting together…

I spend a great deal of time observing people and have throughout my career… I have learned a number of tricks on how to tell a person is lying from working as a social worker in the mental health field. I don’t need to go to great lengths to vet someone, as the majority of those wanting to meet me never make to the serious consideration portion of the conversation. Because they fuck up.

I don’t need to rely on vetting to the extreme some people do because I rely on my gut… my experience… my ability to get people to open up to me… you would be surprised at how much people open up to me and think because they want to fuck me so bad that I feel exactly the same… and they will be honest with me in hopes that I will fuck them… they share more than they should… it is in that sharing that I find out if I can trust them or if they are trying to cheat…

I really hope that you don’t rely solely on vetting processes… I have heard many people tell me that it hasn’t proven 100% guaranteed that they had permission… even talking to the ‘wife’… I have had that happen to me…

I really hope you go with your gut or instincts… don’t rely on one thing…

Muah Sophia

 

 

Fantastic Feedback

I have gotten some really awesome feedback on the last few posts… I am going to start with one that had me laughing so very hard… I mean, tears in my eyes from laughing so hard…

Bethanne and Sara are swingers and friends… they post posted a comment each… about their experiences with a battered and bruised pussy… Bethanne’s comment is first.

“I am not sure why it is necessary to start off with jamming your pussy. What is the motivation in doing this? Do you want to see me pee from the attack on my bladder and pee tube – I am sorry, I can’t remember what it is called, I just know that if they want me to empty my bladder on them, then keep jackhammering the shit out of my pussy. I might as well pee on them and get it over with, it’s not like I will be able to pee after I am done. And telling them before hand that you don’t like it seems to turn on a switcth un them to beat you until they make you like it. It doesn’t work that way!  I want to twist their balls around their cock and see if they like it.”

Sara’s response was even better… “If another guy decides to jackhammer my pussy, I am going to share the experience with them. I am going to tell them to turn over. I am going to immediately ram two fingers in their asshole, without lube, and make pointy knuckles with my other two fingers and jab the sides of their asshole… and then jackhammer the shit out of their ass while making sure my fingers don’t go in one direction… I am going to have those puppies going all over the place. Stupid fuckers.”

Bethanne wanted to make sure I knew that they are not violent women, nor do they think violent thoughts alone or together… however finding out that someone else has experienced it to the degree I did… well, they knew they should speak out… beating up pussies needs to end…. lol

Well ladies, I agree. It does. And I am very tempted to use Sara’s method of ‘teaching them a lesson’… nothing like making it hurt for days to take a shit to teach a lesson… poor guys… LOL

I have received a number of offers to show me how a real man treats a pussy. Flattering… even if some of the guys who sent the messages on twitter are very scary looking…

One caused me to laugh a bit hard… “Sophia, your delicate flower deserves to be opened blossom by blossom, one lick at a time.”

It was a sweet sentiment… the picture of the guy who wrote it doesn’t really represent his words well… I wrote him that very thing… and asked if the biker guy in the picture was in fact you… it was. Sent a few more… he is a big ass scary biker guy you see portrayed in movies… and I was like… wow… didn’t expect the two… he said no one ever does.

Blew my mind.

Don’t judge a book by its cover comes to mind…

My spreadsheet comment was taken far more seriously than I thought it would. If I am honest, it was just kinda a joke… Someone asked me all the categories I had in mind when I mentioned it… I only saw it like I wrote it… He then proceeded to tell me all the categories and how he would rate events and encounters… and then he went into some other detail… I told him to hold his horses… why not just listen to what your partner says and doesn’t say… the reactions of their bodies… and well adjust as necessary…

He responds… “Do you think that will work?”

I can’t guarantee anything, but if you try it and it works… you have gained much and lost nothing…

He said he will keep me posted. YAY!

I’ve gotten a few other comments about how ridiculous it is to worry about how your partner likes it… they are in it basically for the once and done…

Which brings me to my first full swap a week after deciding to swing… He went on and on about how good he is… and rules… and so on and so on and so on… like 4 hours of this shit… he lasted less than 15 minutes, acted like it was his first time, he has 27 years experience… oh wow, don’t brag about that… after the fiasco of that first time (I loved the idea of swinging, the actual swinging, and the thrill of watching Mike swing… our first partners sucked and to be clear… I told Mike that it didn’t matter if we liked them or not, we needed to know if we could full swap… if we can’t then get out right away… if we can, have lots of fun)… he tells me that he ‘doesn’t usually do a partner twice, ever’. I thought, damn straight I ain’t never doing you again… what a loser… I was standing by his girlfriend as he walked away… I said, “sorry, but I had already decided that I was not going to ever fuck him again”. At the house party we went to two weeks later (a stand around and get totally drunk swinger party where no kissing is allowed)… he avoided me all night… a month or so later at a hotel takeover… they both stayed over to the other side of the room… a few people asked them to join us… she told them… “He played with Sophia and it was bad… he’s embarrassed… he won’t come over…” at some point they block us… ok, it couldn’t be my toe rings or thumb rings as I don’t wear them, but if ever they unblock us, I’m putting them on as kind of an ass repellant… he won’t fuck a girl who wears them…. OMG!

So anyways, maybe he should shut up more and listen better, try to up his game and then he won’t have to act so dejected all the time.

But back to this guy… I said, “Don’t you at least want your once and done to be good?” “Nope, as long as I get off I am okay.”

Awesome… glad I only know you from twitter… blocked him… LOL… love technology.

I have had a few guys tell me that they will be more than happy to show me how well they fuck… Again, I received graphic detail of what they would do to me… not with me… but to me… and some of it sounded rather painful and submissive…

I enjoyed responding to those… umm, painful and submissive… yep, that sounds like me alright…

I did get some guys ask me what I felt makes sex good… I enjoyed answering those much more… I told them that it depends on the individual girl and the time… I like a variety of different things… so to say that I want someone to do this and that and a bit more of this… somehow that makes its way into a man’s brain that this is suddenly a checklist – a to do list and they must do each item and they must do it in exact order…

I say – a girl will want different things at different times of the month… and I am not talking about her period… however some fun shower sex during that time is a great way to make a girl feel good… not saying you have to go all out and be considered a “blood hound, enjoy the crimson tide, or earn your red wings”… and you may want to know it is not referring to a type of hound dog, the Alabama Crimson Tide or the Detroit Red Wings… well, we will let that sink in a bit… if you can’t figure it out… google it…

However, a girl may like things a bit more wild at times and a bit more sensual at other times… and sometimes all in the same play session.. You must be able to communicate with your partner and ask them… and listen to their responses… nonverbal too… if their eyes light up when they hear you mention snuggling, a back rub, or something else… go for it… if they look annoyed or disappointed with something you suggest… then drop that and go with something else.

I have had a number of people tell me they have in fact talked with their spouses as I suggested and well, they have had some pretty good results. One has a few moments where he felt like he was on the brink of hell… but he stopped talking for a few minutes and let her soak in some of what he said. He paused a bit more… asked if he could say something else. He did… he told her that he knows this is a lot to take in… but they can discuss it for as long as she needs to understand it… and accept it. I won’t tell you all that he was referring to in the conversation, it wasn’t about hall passes alone. It was more about his sexual desires that were beyond what his wife was comfortable with…

She didn’t say anything for the rest of the day… she was quiet and reflective. He let her be. By that, he didn’t say anything more about it… but he showed her that he was thinking of her and sharing with her small touches. The next morning, she said that she wanted to know more about what he wanted. She wanted to explore hall passes. She told him of a guy she had been talking to for several months (they have been swingers for 8 years)… she thinks she has feelings for him… not leave you feelings, but she really likes him and they talk  a lot… She told him all this and more… and they agreed to add what each of them wanted into their playing. It started with him texting a girl he wanted to hall pass with and she texted the guy she wanted to hall pass with and told them they both were ready to hall pass. He said they are both happy and scared. But they are now talking about what they really want.

Another couple shared a similar story… he wants to hall pass and he was reading a post of mine when his wife came down… she asked what he was reading… he had to get ready for work and told her to read the emotions posts… she did. They took the love language test and found out their love languages were very different, not really a surprise, but in the context of what they were talking about, he needed more connection. He needed more touch and he sees it more sensual than amount of sex. She needs time and gifts… they discussed a great number of things… and while there were some moments of confusion, poorly stated words, and other normal things… this has worked out for them.

One couple did not have such a good result initially. The husband has been keeping from his wife his daily contact with another girl. They have all met (both couples) and they have had sex. While they have not met without the spouse’s approval or knowledge… they have had sex as two couples on many occasions. His wife is not really into the girl in general but likes the husband well enough for sex. He told her the other wife and him talk daily and want to date… she went off on him. Called him a cheater and all kinds of other nasty names. They don’t live near any family he said and that may be a good thing, as she wanted to leave him. While talking with him, I asked him what upset her the most. He said, “I kept it from her for so long. She feels it is cheating as I  wasn’t honest with her.”

I asked him what do they plan on doing about this situation. He said he wasn’t sure. She is talking of finding someone else she can love. I told her that I was okay with whatever she felt she needed to do. That calmed her down a bit. I was being honest. A day later, she asked me if I was going to leave her. No. I did not hesitate. I suggested the love language assessment to her that we both could take. Our love languages were similar as we had many the same numbers but our main one was not the same. I told her that sometimes I want someone I can share things with that I am in process of thinking about without worrying about whether or not I am wrong or right. Words is one of my languages I am high in. She understood that, she has a girlfriend (vanilla) like that. She told me that it bothered her that I spent so much time talking to the other wife. Her highest language is time. I told her now I understand why that bothered you so much. She is reading your blog. I believe she sent you a comment as well. She is mad but open to working this out. I am not happy she was hurt or upset by this, but we are seeing what we really want from each other and our play partners a bit better now.

I did receive her comment. I read it and well, she is starting to see why her husband talked to her about ‘the truth’. It was painful she said to be lied to, but she actually understands why he lied. Not an excuse, but the reason for choosing to lie. She sent another email after reading the “Honestly I Want” post and wrote out what she wants… for herself and to share with her husband.

Well, that is a few of the emails, twitter DMs, and comments not posted on the blog from folks that have a wide range of emotions… even the people who have a few struggles to go through right now appreciate the challenge I posted on being honest with yourself and addressing your emotions…

Keep sharing with me… I love the feedback.

Muah Sophia

Emotions in Swinging

We hear many people say they do not tolerate drama… and drama stems from emotions… emotions are bad… we hear that people want friends… and friendships stem from emotions… emotions are good. So, which is it? Good or bad?

When one looks at drama and the emotions surrounding drama, a number of people say those emotions are bad. Are they?

When I think of the drama that I have witnessed in the lifestyle… the emotions leading up to the drama annoy me. I don’t really want to be around the drama… at the same time, I don’t know if it is all bad. I don’t want to be around it, but it is nice to see that people have emotions.

Why did I say that it is nice to see that people have emotions? Because a lot of people in swinging hide their emotions. Yes, they will laugh when happy and tell you if they don’t like something, but so many people are guarded when it comes to how they really feel. I am not talking about whether something sexual feels good, but whether or not someone will actually admit their real feelings.

A number of people I have had conversations with, will use similar phrases such as ‘I am excited for tonight’ or ‘I really like that’ but when you look at their faces (when in person of course)… they don’t really look excited or like they really like something…and it is at this time I begin to wonder what they are really feeling…

Do you ever wonder if someone is telling you the truth about how their feeling? Not that they are purposely lying to you, more like they are hiding how they really feel. A good number of people hide how they are feeling… and yet, when someone does share how they feel, really feel, they freak the other person out.

So what do we want? People to share their true selves or people who hide the feelings?

That is a tough question and it is a question that needs to be answered… individually. I can’t answer for you and you can’t answer for me. It is one of those things that has to be on a case by case bases for answering and more importantly, a case by case basis for the people we feel something for or feel something for us.

As I read through this post so far, I am thinking of a number of things and mostly how clinical this post is reading. In the previous post I asked some questions and am curious about the answers… most of the questions had to do with emotions that are often hidden in the lifestyle… such as how do you come to terms with the feelings you have yourself and also explain them to your spouse?

How do you do that? How do you explain to your spouse how you feel without them misunderstanding and possibly getting upset because the emotions you feel and the manner you explain them is not how they perceive them?

That is the biggest challenge and by far the hardest to deal with when the emotions you are feeling are more on a close friend level than a replacement for a spouse level.

How many of you have connected very well with someone, not to the point where they are considered for replacing a spouse but instead you see them as a very close friend… yet, they are of the opposite sex and considered an instant threat?

And let’s go a little further… how many of you have found someone of the opposite sex who is a perfect as a great friend and possibly thinking if they were up for it… being a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ in the poly sense… an addition not a replacement to your current spouse?

There are many facets to friendship in the lifestyle and when emotions happen into the lifestyle the reality of the emotions and the fears of the other person causes a lot of confusion into the mix.

And to make it all the more challenging, throw in ‘new relationship emotions’ and you got a powder keg of potential drama… and it all starts because of the little emotions of wanting to get know your potential play partner.

I know this is not very personal and I mentioned that I wanted to get very personal in this series… and yes, I did use a different title for this post than I suggested… but I want to start by talking about emotions and how scary emotions are in vanilla relationships before we add the lifestyle to the mix… yet, I haven’t quite gotten to that point yet, maybe the next post… sometimes, well a lot of time, my posts have a mind of their own and I am only following where my brain and fingers take me…

Fucking strange is really acceptable for most people even when they claim they must be friends first… they want to admit they want friendships, but they do not want the emotional investment that comes with the friendship…

I bet you don’t believe me? Or you are upset that I stated something so bold… but I will stand behind that argument… you may say you want the friendships in the lifestyle, but you really don’t. You don’t want to commit to the emotions necessary to become friends, because sometimes, losing friends hurt… so you hold yourself back… and sometimes, someone will be more of a friend, have a deeper connection than the others… and that desired 4-way connection we want to force on everyone doesn’t happen. Yes, the 4-way connection is a scape-goat… the line people use when their spouse and the other spouse hit it off way better than you and the potential partner you are with have… so you see that close bond happen… and you declare… no 4-way connection is here… gotta stop it right now… and then you will think it is all over… but is it? Does that connection ever go away if the connection is there? No, it does not… it lingers as a regret… missed opportunity… and often it comes back around… and when it does… the feelings are deeper than before… why? Because you spent so much time thinking ‘hmm, what could have happened if we had only gotten the chance to see it through…’ So the spouses fear of emotions and cutting the emotions off by cutting off the ‘dating’ or ‘lifestyle adventure’ at the start of the emotional connection does NOT work… and in fact only makes it stronger… almost like a goal they have to accomplish… possibly even a strong desire, not yet an obsession, but damn it is getting close to see what would have happened…. and well… fear of emotions caused something to build that may or may not have built if left to run its course, yet… what would have been so wrong if they developed a great friendship, had feelings for each other???

Why is feeling something for someone in the lifestyle so very wrong?

Do we really want our partner to miss out on having someone they enjoy talking to, having sex with, doing things together or sharing happy and sad news?

Do we restrict their vanilla friends when they find someone (same sex or opposite sex) that they can connect with because they like them too much?

Yet, because we get naked and have sex… suddenly, all our fears come to the surface and we think… if we like them and fuck them we will leave our spouse for them… is that true?

Do we really want to go through the entire ‘getting used to the person who is our spouse all over again’?

No, we want the excitement of a new relationship (isn’t that why we like the whole idea of fucking strange, swinging, adding spice to our sex life, and all those other lines we say… we love the excitement of finding someone we want to fuck… the thrill of the hunt… and yet, when we find this, we have a natural tendency to hide it from our spouse (or try to, I mean come on… suddenly we are on our phone all the time, smiling like a fool because we see their name or number coming up and no one is going to notice????) and our spouse instantly thinks we want to leave them because we are doing what swingers are supposed to do…. FIND SOME ONE THEY ARE INTERESTED IN!!!!!!!!

Sheesh, no wonder emotions are such a horrible thing in the lifestyle…we want them, but can’t have them, but have to tell people we want them, but not really want them, and then they can’t have them for us, but we want them to have them for me… and on and on it goes…

We have a number of acquaintances in the lifestyle that call themselves friends. We only hear from them when they want to fuck us or we are having a party. I will get a text from them when they are bored. I will get a text from them when they have a question and they think I can answer it… I will get an email when they have a rant they want… but they are not really friends… granted some of them are far away due to the internet, they feel like friends… and some of them are closer by, but still an hour or two or more away… but they are not really friends.

Their texts are very selfish. The texts or emails are about what they want or need at the time. It is okay. It is the way of the lifestyle. Other parts of our lives get in the way and come on, not everyone can text every person they know everyday. And I don’t want someone to text me every day out of habit or worse yet duty (a lot of my bitching about texts that say ‘morning’ or ‘what’s up’ come from this feeling… duty)… and I don’t text the same people every day. But when you get the ‘bootie call’ text… does it bother you, excite you, or sometimes a bit of both? It’s like, hmm, could you at least text once a week just to say hi if you are thinking in three weeks you will have time to fuck me… you know, to make it feel less like being a call girl/guy? Ah, there is a sample of some negative emotions showing through… someone feeling a bit used… they thought they were friends, but it is only a ‘get fucked’ communication… as in I want to get fucked, are you free?

I have said this before and I will say it over and over again… I rarely text anyone first. If you want to text or kik me, I will give you my information and even if you gave me yours first, I will not text or kik you first. I have no idea what your schedule is at that moment and I am not going to text you at an inconvenient time. Yes, I know and understand that you don’t have to answer me if you can’t… that is not the point. The point is that I will leave it up to you because I know I work primarily from home and you may not. So I leave it up to you to text first.

Then when we are texting for a while, I still won’t on a regular basis text you first. Again, I have no idea your schedule… and more than that… I don’t know if you have permission to text me.

I could have put that up there first… and probably should have… but so many people, mostly men, don’t have their spouses permission to text a girl. To text a girl who may get to know them so well that they begin to develop feelings for the girl. So they have rules against texting a girl… especially if that girl lives a ways away… there is a fear that there will be some long distance love affair going on… and this is even worse if they live relatively close by… seriously, many think that if I am easy to talk to and you enjoy talking to me about everything under the sun… you are going to move from your home into mine… yeah, not really seeing that happen… but hey, that’s what a fantasy is for right? To think that this person is so awesome you want to leave your family and move in with them… not to consider that even if they give good text… are fun on a date… and fuck spectacularly, that they are easy peasy lots of fun to live with daily… hmm, maybe we should remind our spouses of that fact… umm, well dear… I annoy you at least twice a day… I am thinking I will annoy him at least twice a day… and then when the swinger bubble busts… he/she will see that I am far more annoying when the blog post writer shares her never ending opinions on things all damn day… and while I do enjoy sex… a relationship needs more than just swinger sex…

Okay, that was a bit off topic… but see how I think… can you really live with this day in and day out… probably not… but I can honestly say, life ain’t boring around here… with me… so do you really want to leave your spouse because you like talking with me… sharing with me… wanting to fuck me? Does your spouse really have anything to worry about because you like talking with me?

Okay, I was talking about, before the last path to somewhere else… when a spouse feels threatened and forces you to stop all communication… you may have to go back a few sentences to make this next sentence make sense…

And yet, there are many who feel the emotions more intensely when they are told they can’t do something. Like text me. Or communicate and share with me. Their spouse has made their fears a reality at this point…

Here is what is funny about that… if they guy is honest to his wife and his wife understands that the thrill of having someone to share things with as in friendships is allowed, most of the time I will do or say something that pisses them off and the guy will stop talking to me… honest, it happens… I share my opinions and desires and they are not the same as theirs and they get mad and stop talking to me… of course they will come back and text me again… I think it is to see if I changed my mind… I likely didn’t, but whatever… believe what you want… but if I say that I am not submissive in the generally accepted definition of submissive in the lifestyle… I am not going to be submissive 3 months from now… however, I can be and enjoy being submissive in a different sort of way… Can I venture off on this side path for a few minutes? Well thank you for the permission here goes…

I am not submissive as in if you order me to do something I wont’ do it. Seriously, tell me to do something and I can’t. I have chronic hives and sensitive nerves and well, you tell me you are going to put a nipple clamp on me, first, I will tell you no. It doesn’t feel good, it hurts, no pleasure just pain (hives/nerves) and second… I am not sure why you think I want to be told what to do… I have already mentioned I am not submissive… Alrighty then… here is where I am submissive… you whisper in my ear while we are kissing or fucking that you would love to see me or you would love me to do………..fill in the blank as long as it is something that will cause me pain… and I will fucking do it with no questions asked… I will submit because for whatever reason, I believe that in this case, you understand me, you want me to do this for you… as a request not an order… and I will fucking do it… tell me what to do… and fuck no. I have a dom side… I have things I love to explore with guys… and I would love to share that with you… I may tell you what I like to do with guys or something I have yet to try with guys… and if you say you don’t want to do them, the discussion is done… unless you bring it up… you would have to bring it up… why? Because when you said you didn’t like it, I took you seriously… I didn’t get mad, stop texting you, or otherwise let my emotions get the better of me…. just saying…

Okay, what do I say that pisses them off? It can be a number of things… like saying something that is the truth that they don’t want to hear… or they try to argue a point with me and that point is my opinion and they get mad because my opinion didn’t change… like that one question that has destroyed a few ‘friendships’ – yeah, when you read the question you will be like WHAT THE FUCK? I ask that often… but here it is, the question that destroys many lifestyle friendships with Sophia….. What is your favorite color? My answer pink and purple… their response, you can’t have two favorite colors I asked for one favorite color. So what, I have two… and many hours later they are pissed that I won’t budge on having two colors and they don’t understand they fucked up by saying my answer was wrong instead of realizing how beautifully unique I am at having two favorite colors and have a heart open to non-standard answers…

Yep, your spouse has nothing to really worry about. You will say something relatively insignificant, fail to realize that my answer really told you a lot more about me than you thought… you overlooked it, and I have no desire to waste time on a guy who expects standard answers from me and overlooks my capacity to think and live outside a box…

And that is a great insight into who I am and why I love swinging so much… I love the fact that there doesn’t have to be hard and fast rules in swinging. That you can open your heart up to other people in a variety of ways…

So if we give the two favorite colors a deeper look… doesn’t that say in some capacity, if the expected answer is one color, and my answer is a dead even, steadfast two colors (pink and purple by the way)… doesn’t that indicate that I can have friendships that are deeper and almost to the degree of significance reserved for an intimate partner, or even have the capacity to have a poly relationship where I can love two or more people at the same time but not necessarily more than another…

I love certain shades of pink and certain shades of purple… I love them equally, but not all pink shades and not all purple shades… I love the message or feeling I get from pink and from purple and I get different messages from those colors…

Much like the friendships I have with men… not the acquaintance relationships, where I get texts only when they want to fuck me otherwise I am off the radar and the phone is silent with their number… (and I am not complaining about those guys in general, just explaining that they may call me a friend, but it is a great definition of fucking strange, not friends and truly not lovers) but the guys who have developed a relationship with me even if it has never been spoken… those guys who can’t wait to talk to me, can’t wait to tell me something, share something with me, and those guys who want to hear what I have to say… are interested in finding out more about me inside, who I keep hidden from the masses… who appreciate me for who I am and not the person they view me as…

Yes, there are some guys who have an image of who I am based on my pictures, my forum or blog posts, or their own imagination based on our conversations… they do not take the time to get to know me and I do not take the time to get to know them… and this goes back to fucking strange. There is a separation between ‘strange’ and acquaintance and friend…

But some guys have an image of who I am and become very attached to that image and feel that to be included in my ‘inner circle’ is somehow all they need… and their emotions and actions are based on that need to be in the ‘inner circle’ rather than get to know me… their emotions towards me are not real and not sustaining… it is flattering but I am able to determine quickly if they are real or fantasy based.

When the emotions are real… it is more than flattering… it is scary.

What if I can’t live up to their expectations? What if I can’t or don’t feel the same? Even worse, what if I do?

Well, I am going to stop there… I think it is a good point… what if you have strong feelings for me… and I have strong feelings for you… what do you do?

Muah Sophia

 

 

Interesting Conversations

I had an interesting conversation recently with a brand new to swinging male and his been swinging a while before they met girlfriend. I received their permission to use this post to share what the conversation we had. To make is easier to share this with you, I am using the John and Jane… as in John and Jane Doe… protect their privacy… which is funny… because their names are really John and Jane… just not the last name of Doe… I found out their names when I suggested using John and Jane… okay for us it was hilarious… maybe not so much in the conversion from happening to telling it to you….

John and Jane have been dating for 3 years. Jane was married previously and had swung with her husband. John has been married previously as well, but no swinging in his history. John did not know of Jane’s previous swinging experience when they started dating. In fact, he didn’t know about it until about 6 months ago and wasn’t sure what he thought about it when he found out. He was turned on and a bit worried. Jane says – a bit worried is a bit of a stretch… he was a lot worried. He thought it meant that I would cheat on him.

Jane writes: “I had to explain to him how we got into swinging in the first place. Our marriage was not exciting in the bedroom and we were both bored. I mentioned to my husband that we could do a threesome with another guy or another girl and then see how that would bring excitement. We put up a profile on a site and began to meet others and have swinger sex. To us, it was more exciting to have sex with other people than with each other, even with a threesome. When the marriage ended because we realized we just weren’t in love with each other and in fact not interested in each other sexually, I decided that I would not introduce my swinging past to anyone I date. I equated swinging in a relationship as a crutch whether or not that was true. We swung for about three years. I loved the many partners. I am not bisexual, so I didn’t need to swing to have sex with other guys. I just needed to meet them and fuck them. When John was talking about our past sexual history, I finally shared that my ex and I were swingers. I told him that I loved the finding sex partners with my husband, the thrill of the hunt and I loved the sexy vibe… I miss that, but I wouldn’t swing again with a partner if the relationship wasn’t solid. But I did admit that I am missing the variety of partners I enjoyed while swinging. I think that freaked him out. I didn’t do a good job explaining why the love of a variety of cocks and sexual experiences thrill me.”

John writes: “Yes, I did freak out when she told me of swinging and the end of her marriage. I thought, here we go, our relationship is over. We do not live together. We do spend most every day and night together, sometimes at my place and sometimes at hers…. but I thought our relationship was a good one. I immediately had doubts. I didn’t do a good job communicating on this topic at all. I got quiet. She took it wrong and we had a fight. We didn’t talk about swinging at all for about three months. It just sat there between us like a huge elephant in the room. We talked about everything but swinging. Finally, I had to say something to her about it so we can talk about it and get past this. I told her that I was jealous of the idea that she was still interested in swinging and a variety of guys. We googled swingers, sex and jealousy and found your blog on the top of the results. We jumped onto your blog and was quite surprised by your blog. We typed in jealousy in your search bar and damn Girl, you have written quite a few blog posts. Jane decided that we should start with the first post and just go through them all and see what we can get from your posts. Believe me, we knew this was going to be one of the many sites we would look at to gain some information because we thought we would just get some happy fluff about how great swinging is, but we were really wrong.”

Jane writes: “You blew our minds. We read “Taking the Edge Off” and got immediately turned on. It was like we connected immediately with you and the thrill of as you often say ‘fucking strange’. That really helped John a lot. He got to see a woman’s point of view of why this is so fun. The thrill of the first dates with sex attached. He started to see how this is exciting for me. Then we read some of the honest opinions you had about the good and bad of swinging. I told him about some of the experiences my ex and I had that were very similar. I told him that I felt jealous when my ex connected greater with others than with me. I understand now that I was not jealous of the other person as much as the connection that I knew we didn’t have. I told John that I shouldn’t feel that way now because we have a good relationship. But what I really need to tell you is, your blog allowed us to talk about the issues we could face, I did face, and what to do to not face them again. Your straight talk about it helped. You didn’t talk about the topics in a fluffy manner and give us vague steps to take. There is something about hearing or reading someone say… if you can’t get over your jealousy, get out of the lifestyle. Pretty simple if you ask me. If you can’t handle it, get out of it. No one will enjoy it if you can’t handle it.”

John writes: “Sophia, I really liked the blog because you told us guys what we needed to know to get into your panties. I love that line by the way. I have tried as a vanilla guy dating some of the things that you say not to do. I never got the results I wanted. I found out that it doesn’t work and why it doesn’t work. That was a great help. However, I made a number of mistakes that I have read not to do, just because it is so easy to take the easy route. I also thought how stupid I am because I am making this harder. I am jumping ahead as I am talking about both vanilla and now swinger connections. Your recent emphasis on communication caused me to laugh and get pissed often. Not at you. At me. I suck at communication verbal and text. I know this but I also know that I didn’t care. I believed that sex was a given in swinging. Boy was I wrong.”

Jane writes: “You are right John. I acted a few times like the women Sophia talked about, I wanted all the attention on me and I never thought the guy would want the attention on him too. It was all about me. We both found problems in how we were in our vanilla relationships in the past, and if we are honest, in our relationship. We started talking about the sexy stories you wrote and the funny posts. Even in the more frustrated posts you wrote, we found your bits of humor and more than that, we saw that you love swinging, you were just sick of the same old shit of swingers. We decided to follow your lead and only have one rule – both agree. We thought that would be easy. It wasn’t. John and I both held back on a few things we wanted or didn’t want. Hall passes weren’t something we would consider. But I found I wanted them. John didn’t think he would have one ever. I mentioned your blog post that all these women who are having hall passes has to be having them with someone. We then decided we would do hall passes. We hadn’t signed up on a site or we hadn’t met another couple, but we had begun to talk about our rules, or as you call it boundaries. We talked about what happens if our boundaries were not held during the sex, what will we do? What will be a deal breaker?”

John writes: “I thought I had a handle on it when we decided to get a profile and go to a meet and greet. I messed up. I did everything wrong and I got jealous of Jane’s ability to begin to make out with a strange guy with me right there. We had a huge argument on the way home. I felt I was correct. I was on a high horse. Jane pulled up one of your posts. She told me to read it. I fucked up. I knew it. I hated you at that moment. You put my shit back on me. What was worse, you weren’t any where near us to see my behavior, yet you described me perfectly. I told Jane I wasn’t happy with her throwing shit in my face you wrote. Jane came up with the perfect line, Think about it honey, you aren’t the only jealous ass if someone we don’t know wrote about her experiences with someone just like you. Yeah, that was hard to hear.”

Jane writes: “We had some great times and a lot of times we struggled not with our behavior but with the behavior of the other swingers. You had had a long period where you hadn’t written a blog post. We read that you had been ill and life got in the way, but I had to wonder after you started writing again, if you were a bit sick of the behaviors of swingers. Your posts showed frustration, yet you continued to offer people some suggestions on how to improve their communication. I was surprised when you posted exact conversations you have with people. I didn’t get that. We have looked at your profiles on the sites you mention. We have read your profile. Your profile screams out – up your game, look at how I write, the corny shit that never works for anyone won’t work for you. I looked at how I was communicating with the guys and how the guys were communicating with me and you know what, it was the same shit on both sides that you are giving as examples. I was guilty of asking a version of what’s up just because I wanted contact with them but didn’t want to work at it.”

John writes: “I got sick of women trying to do the bare minimum with me and I was suppose to write constant texts of how hot and sexy they were. It was a job not a fun opportunity. It sucked. I then lowered my texting skills. I already admitted I was bad at it. I really sucked. In six months, I was done with swinging. Then you wrote about SOP. In the business I work in, SOP is a big deal. We have a lot of regs we have to follow and you spoke directly to me in that series. I really appreciated it. I upped my game some but didn’t sustain it. It got me laid a few times, but it still felt like work. Then you wrote the Swinging and Social Awkwardness. I remember the first post you said that you know this will be difficult to write and read. You warned us all. But I saw how you wanted to keep humor in it. It must have been hard when you mentioned how many people just do the bare minimum. I read the post you wrote about the couple who decided to try your suggestions about the date before the date and during the date. We did that too.We had similar experiences.”

Jane writes: “You shared some of the negative comments you received and you shared with us during this conversation some you did not share. I didn’t see your posts as negative. I saw them as someone who wants better and is sick of the shit out there and telling people to up their game. Why is that negative? Here is my opinion on that, I think they just don’t want to up their game. Simply don’t want to up their game. Why would they take it as a negative post if you are telling them they suck and you are sick of them sucking and not the sexual kind. I am on your side, this needed to be said. Let me clear something up, it is not a taking side type of thing, but I have been on the receiving end of many of the same things as you. If I had a blog, I would say the same thing. Swinging doesn’t necessarily make a poor vanilla dater a great swinging dater. Swinging doesn’t mean you will get all the pussy you want without having to do the work, yet so many think that is true. To top it off, most married couples forget how hard it was to find a date as they have been married for years. Or they were high school sweethearts and only dated each other. But what really hurt John’s feelings when reading  your posts, when you talked about how lame some guys are when having sex. I use the word lame, you didn’t. But I am sick of guys who have one routine in sex and that is all they try. Five minutes of sex isn’t worth the many hours and weeks of talk about meeting and sex.”

John writes: “I think what you wrote about writing and passion and even negative passion is a huge ego boost to a writer is a great line. I also think there is a great deal of truth. Every time I got upset by something you wrote, I saw what I lacked and I wasn’t happy seeing someone point it out.”

Jane writes: “I am glad you have written this blog. I am glad you are writing in a real and honest manner. We were at a house party recently and certainly not like the ones you describe, but at this party we heard people bitching about some of the same things you write about on your blog. You are not alone when being upset with the same old shit swingers do. The sad thing is, they just bitched. They didn’t want to do anything to change it up.”

John writes: “I agree. I heard guys talking about how they thought they should be able to get pussy a lot easier than they do. Yet, they were doing nothing to connect or engage with the women. I told them I recently read a blog post and barely got that out when they started to laugh at me. I walked away from the group and started talking with two different women. I flirted with them and started making out with both of them. Jane told me the guys were giving me dirty looks. I bet they want to know what blog I was talking about. We didn’t go any further than making out because of several reasons. First, the party didn’t encourage sex. That was weird to write let alone know we went to the party that was for swingers but they didn’t want people to have sex. And second, their spouses didn’t allow them to actually have sex without both parts of the couple swapping. It was like you said, the girls are expected to just have sex with a guy who doesn’t do anything to deserve it.”

Jane writes: “If you don’t mind Sophia, we would like to keep in touch with you, our conversations with you have been great. We love the feedback. I don’t want the comments posted on the individual posts. I know you mentioned that we could, but we have enjoyed the two on one conversation we have had with you. You can post it in your blog. I don’t think we would be swinging if it wasn’t for your blog. We haven’t read any other blogs about swinging. We never found a need. You are sweet, funny, honest, and can tell some great dirty stories. I would love to meet you some time. I think you would be a fun person to know. Keep up the good work on the blog. Keep it honest. Too many people try to tell you the lifestyle is easy and fun. It isn’t. Flawed people try to swing. As you said in the social awkward series, it is hard to deal with your own social awkwardness and other people’s. Something has to changed. We want to help you change things. Please post our conversation if you want on your blog. Maybe others will see what you are trying to do and up their game. We are a work in progress.”

I will tell you, that I said nothing in most of the dialogue with these two folks. I thanked them for the first email where they asked if they could share with me their story. I received the emails with the Jane writes/John writes… I chose not to share much when they were sending the comments in order for them to be able to stay on the course they were on. John sent this comment a few hours after our conversation ended. “Sophia, just writing this out to you helped us with organizing our thoughts and finding out where we are now compared to where we began. I get why you write on your blog. It is a great manner of reflection and learning from what you reflect.”

I was curious about that comment. You see, I have been traveling for work and that is one of the slides I show in the presentations I do. So I asked him where he got that reflection comment from… as it was almost word for word from what I said and on the slide… he comments back… the other day we had a girl (from the company I work for) come to do a wellness presentation. I asked the location. I met John. He was one of the guys at one of my presentations. He writes back ‘No fucking way.’ I tell him, yep… I was just there… and had been there before… in fact, I touched his shoulder as he sat next to where I was standing and used him as a starting point for when they had to share… I touched his shoulder when I was making a point and he laughed at my comment… (the first time he sat across from me and as I tend to do… think about which of the audience “I’d do” and oh, yes, I wanted to do naughty with him) and he writes back… not only are you quite pretty, funny, and smart… you smell damn good… and now I have a face, voice, and smell to put together when I read your blog posts… gonna go read the Taking the Edge Off again with a whole new outlook! And when do you come back to the location for your next presentation????

So, there you have it… a very small world…

Muah Sophia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feedback On What Do You Like Most About Swinging?

I tell you what, I enjoy getting feedback on what I write, even if it is not in agreement with me. Why? Because it makes both of us think about what was said, how it was said, and determine if there is any room for changing our opinions on what is said. Believe it or not, my opinions often change to varying degrees when I get feedback from others. Does that mean I go completely different on my opinion? Nope… My original opinion is still the same, but with some considerations for other points given.

I received feedback on the What Do You Like Most About Swinging? and it was very interesting to say the least.

I was asked why I keep pointing out that I am a swinger who likes to swing… Very good question. Here is my answer.

So many swingers I have talked to (chat, email, text, kik, in person, on the phone) or read their posts on the walls, profiles or forum posts act like it is some type of swinger sin to admit that they like to fuck strange. And by fuck strange, I mean have sex with someone who is not their significant other.

I don’t have a problem admitting I like to fuck strange. I like to fuck friends and I like to fuck acquaintances and I do like to fuck people who are very much a stranger to me as in I barely know their name (club or party setting please). I am not ashamed to say that I like to fuck other people. Therefore, when I talk about what I like about swinging best… it is in fact, fucking others. I readily admit that I also love meeting people (kinda have to do that when you fuck others), I love chatting with people (anyone who has had any kind of communication quickly knows that I love to get to know them… both sexually and all other aspects of their lives), I love to develop friendships with others (as long as a friendship is actually going to happen and not forced to happen just to fuck…

So you see, I am a well rounded swinger… but make no mistake… I like to fuck others.

The social aspects of the swinging or sexually social adventures happen naturally with me. I don’t need to say that I like to have friendships – those who have become my friends – however the friendships form… know that I like to have friendships and value their friendships. I don’t need to say that I like meeting people – obviously if I want to fuck others I need to meet others… I don’t need to say any of those social niceties – to justify that I like to fuck strange.

Many people do not really wish to fuck strange. They simply enjoy the sexual nature of the lifestyle. They like to be naked, see naked people, talk dirty, fantasize, and other ‘social’ aspects rather than fuck strange.

Awesome for them… they will tell people that they are into this part of it as to lessen the disappointment that comes with wanting to fuck someone who doesn’t fuck others… or rarely fucks others.

Some people are super picky as to who they will fuck… I mean the list of criteria is so huge and so specific, no one really ever fits into the ‘wish list’ and they can say they just haven’t met anyone… I am just guessing here, they really don’t want to admit they are in it solely for the social aspects of it… and this will make them look special or elite and build up their followers of those who hope they will be picked to be the special partners chosen to have sex with…

You see, I am not into that… I don’t hold anyone that high up in swingerville. If you think you are so damn special that we all have to jump hoops and hope and pray you will pick me… well, pass me over. I am not a fan of Jim Jones (early childhood trauma watching news reports about that) and I am certainly not going to be your follower for some poor pathetic scraps of whatever you throw out to those who are dying for it…

I have never in my life had a list of criteria a mile long and certainly unattainable for what people must do to be my friends… nor my boyfriend or husband. I am certainly not going to build one for people I want to fuck. You see… I do not have friends that all look the same… I do not have a past of boyfriends that all look the same… why would I have a specific type of person that must look the same as swingers?

Does that mean I am not picky?

Of course not… I am selective on who I become friends with… who I fuck… who I suck… but I am not using that as a reason not to fuck someone… I know this appears a little off the topic.. but it does go along with another comment I received… “Shouldn’t people have criteria as to who they fuck?” My answer… “yes, they should, for whatever reason, turn you on.”

Isn’t it really that simple?

I know a lot of people find Brad Pitt and George Clooney very sexy. I don’t. Neither one of them. Why? Because of the attitude they portray in the public. I know they may be awesome guys in their private lives… but unfortunately, what I see is not so appealing to me. I have my own list of guys I do find attractive and appealing in the celebrity world… and if one looks at them very closely and breaks down what I find appealing about them… you will see a wide range in there… none of them are exactly alike.

If you look at the men who are my closest ‘swinger’ friends… you will see nothing much in common with them. Not the same height, body shape, jobs, family structure, education level, nor even the same types of conversations they have with me… but what they do have is they have connected with me on a level that spoke directly to me… Yes, that social aspect… but that was not what I was looking for when I started talking with them.

I have had more long term ‘friendships’ (however they are defined) with 4 guys that started early in our adventure. We talk through various means on a very regular basis. We started our adventure in March of 2013. These four have been there since the first 6 months. There are some guys (6) that are going on 2 and 3 years of regular to semi-regular communication. When it is semi-regular communication it tends to be several long and deep conversations rather than the two texts per day that others seem to think is quality communication. Have I played with all of these men? Nope. Some I have, some I hope to play with someday when the location issues are no longer an issue. The point is… how can I have this many guys that I talk to on a regular or semi-regular basis and have deep or intimate conversations with if I am not open to the social aspect of swinging.

But make no mistake… I am not ashamed about the fact that I like to fuck others. I am not going to make comments to others to appear to be ‘deeper’ or ‘classier’ of a swinger by saying my goal is to make life long friends. True friendships happen when you least expect it and when you aren’t looking for them… otherwise it is a forced or faked friendship… because just as true love and emotional connections that we have in our lives… they just happen when no one is looking for them.

Be bold folks… if you like fucking strange… go ahead and admit it… those who really understand who you are and what you bring to the table, will know that you are one who likes to be honest and be bold… and damn, ain’t that sexy?

Muah Sophia

How To Get Your Swing On Part 3

Swingers are often heard saying ‘looking for common ground’ between the people who want to have sex together.

Here is an interesting thought… you already have something in common. You all enjoy having sex with others besides your partner. How important is all the rest before you get together sexually?

That is a good question and often has a variety of answers… and some are very adamant that they must have a great deal in common before they can play with someone. I have to ask, why?

Why is is so very important that you have a great deal in common outside of sexually in order for you to have sex?

Is it because you are thinking of dating in the traditional manner? As one would if they are looking at finding a long-term partner or spouse… this hinders your ability to connect with others because you have a stronghold on what the person has to live up to as a swinging partner. It is not necessary to have everything in common in order to get naked and have sex.

I am not saying that you should have sex with just anyone and everyone. I am saying that you may want to find out what matters most when finding another swinger to swing with and compare that to what you find as necessary for a life partner. How closely do they have to be similar?

Here is why I ask this question in conjunction with how do you get your swing on… If you set the same criteria for your swinging partners as you do or did for your spouse, aren’t you sending a message to yourself, spouse, and partners that you want a carbon copy of your spouse? Doesn’t that send a message, subtle as it may be, that your spouse is replaceable?

Think about it… the subtle message is being sent out there that you are looking for someone in the same manner as you did your spouse, the same criteria as for a spouse, and while this is not your intention… or is it and you just haven’t realized it?

I bring this up because one person on chat was mentioning this list of what they want in a swing partner and it sounded like a list for a perfect wife/husband… I asked that question and he responded that if he did find another woman like his wife he may be tempted… he was joking, but you know what… I have to wonder if it was all a joke.

We hear of people, men actually finding women just like their mothers to marry… and girls who seek men who are very much like their fathers as husbands… how likely is it to search to find someone just like your spouse to have recreational sex? From the profiles and conversations I have had about what they are looking for, I have to say it is quite common. As I say this, I must remind you that I am sure that it is not a conscious thought process, just going with what they are familiar or comfortable with…

Which leads me to getting your swing on…

Who are you looking for and why?

Great question one should ask before they get out there looking for swingers to swing with… what are you looking for and why?

For me, the answer is easy… I am looking for someone who engages me mentally and sexually.

What does that mean? Well, lucky for you, I will tell you…

It means that I will seek a person who is NOT SHY and will engage me in conversation – even cheesy pick up lines…

Let me say, that depending on the situation, the amount of work that comes about must be put in perspective… at an event or house party… there is much less ‘work’ that has to be done. Why? Because the situation leads itself to quick results from their efforts. A few moments of conversation to see if there is any interest and of course some sexual chemistry building (a great deal of it because of the situation and anticipation of naughty fun)… and we can quickly move to more flirting, touching, kissing… and oh that kissing is very nice when it escalates quickly… leading to an area where play can start… unless we decide that right there is a great place to suck a nipple, stroke a cock or even more…

If it is a online, I will be honest, unless you are going to make it a quick ‘courtship’… you have more work to do… and here is why… a cheesy pick up line doesn’t work… you have to engage my mind first and not annoy me… and so many do… when they go on and on about what they want and never once asked me what I want… or they want to have a couple date and their spouse never reaches out to hubby… and so on…

This is where it is important to be on the same page with your spouse, know what you want and how you are going to go after it…

Reading profiles is boring at times… I like to think I have an interesting one that tells you about us and it also tells you enough to make you want to ask more… Here is ours from Kasidie –

With her creative juices flowing she penned a story just to please her husband. She wrote of an erotic scene of six people, three girls and three guys meeting and finding a sexual chemistry that led them to adventures they had never considered before. She shared the story with him, opening herself up to the inner desires she had. The question was, would he like it, would he understand what she was asking without coming right out and asking. He read the story and she knew it was a good one even without seeing his cock responding under the covers as they sat in bed. He whispered “wow” a few times, his breathing became quicker and she knew her writing had some type of effect. Would it be what she wanted?

He looked over at her and smiled. “Wow, this hot!” He looked at her for a moment or two and then started searching for something on the internet. He found some videos of swingers and played a few. Then he asked, “Is this something you would want to do?” She took a deep breath and then whispered, “yes, very much”.

The adventure started that day with both of them looking to find out how to go about jumping in and finding this piece of their lives together. Questions were asked, comments made, and all along the way, there was a sense of this is what they were supposed to do…

It is hard to share in words even for someone who can write a sentence or two how the first experience felt for her. She loved and was completely turned on seeing her husband with another woman. So turned on was she, that with only one or two slight movements on her clit she was cumming hard. The thrill of what they were doing took over her mind and body leaving her wanting more.

As their adventures continued, their idea of what they wanted, would love to do, and need to do again grew and changed. Some of the things they felt were off the table suddenly became the top item on the things they have to do again. Some adventures were hugely successful and some were not as much. However, it doesn’t change the thrill of partaking on the sexually social adventure together and at time separately.

Along the way, many people have come and gone. Sometimes sadly, sometimes happily and sometimes without much fanfare at all we experienced the losses. The friends that have developed have done so naturally, organically and well perfectly. Each person has a need and as friends we find these people give as well as receive and by doing so fill each other’s needs. This could be long-term friendships, FWB, or possibly a steady lover.

There is no need for writing what we like and what we don’t like as it changes so regularly as we find the person(s) who shares for a brief moment in time our interests, desire, and yes, sadly limited availability. We what we say we are and enjoy finding out if that is true for you as well.

Muah Sophia

I think it tells how we want to get to know what a person wants now and what we listed in our first profile changed over time and instead of leaving old words or trying to figure out what to put on there, just ask us…

Few potential partners ask us what we like… they tell us what they want and that is it… how do you know if we are a match if you don’t ask us?

I am a person who loves to get to know people – what they like, don’t like, enjoy doing, and you know what… some of this is very vanilla and not sexual at all… but others seem to have trouble doing this at all… share a bit about themselves… and when they do share, it gets a bit too deep… I don’t want to know your work troubles, spouse troubles, kid troubles or other things like that before we found out if we want to meet… if we have not included friends in our relationship – I don’t give a shit… I really don’t… I am a swinger who likes to have sex with people… if we can get along in that manner and develop a friendship – awesome… but you have to engage me first before that can happen.

I know, so many people want to be friends… and the problem with that is… the friendship is based on how someone looks and if they want to have sex with them… that is not how I develop friendships… if I am going to develop a friendship it is because we have something in common… if we don’t have much in common, we won’t be friends swinging or no swinging… but that doesn’t mean we can’t be swinging partners.

I know that may confuse people… but I do not have to be friends with someone to fuck them. And I can be your friend and never fuck you. I am crazy like that… so for someone to approach me… and want to be friends so we can fuck… the answer is no because it just won’t work out that way…

You have to know what you want from the person in order for the person to be able to respond and this requires you to know how to inform them of your intentions. If you want to be friends first, don’t approach a couple telling them you want to meet because you are interested in having sex. That is a lie and you don’t want to meet them to fuck them… you want to meet them to see if they will be friends…

And that is so very important to do… as well as not having a list of requirements for having a friendship develop… If you want to be friends… does it matter their height, weight, hair amounts (bald, long hair, short hair, colored hair, grey hair, shaved genitals etc., hair covers so much in swingerville)… a person seeking friends accepts a person as they are… a person wanting to fuck someone has a different list of what attracts them…

Know what you want and do this before you contact a person… if you want only model thin people, then don’t contact someone outside this ideal… I can’t tell you how many times I have been told that they want me even though I am bigger than they usually like… WTF people… do you think that will ever go over well?

I have people who want to see pictures of others and then decide they just aren’t attracted to them… awesome… just keep that to yourself… You don’t need to hurt their feelings… come up with a nicer out – than just not attracted to you… a white lie would be better than the true in this case… maybe start out with… “hi, we are looking at folks near us that we might be interested meeting at a party or event… We opened our pictures and hoped that you might open yours… while we are not doing couple dates at this time… we wanted to see if you might be interested meeting us at such and such party.”

When this has been tried in the past, it has worked… if they do not attend house parties, they will tell you that… but usually they will open their pictures to you as you opened yours… and they will think, maybe a future couple date… if nothing else, you opened up the opportunity to see if a friendship will develop… if they don’t go to the party and you found them unattractive and unfuckable… no harm no foul… if they do attend the party, you can meet them, talk a bit and if they aren’t better looking in person than in their pictures… no harm, no foul, there are others you can seek…

The point is… you have to know what you want and make it realistic in order to find others you want to have sex with… and the realistic portion of the ‘what you want’ is essential. As I stated previously, having a list of what would make the perfect life partner for your swinging partner is not realistic. No one is going to meet that list’s requirements because if they do then you send a message you found someone who could replace the spouse… And how exactly will that work out between you and your spouse?

Let’s be honest, it doesn’t. It is why drama exists in the lifestyle and marriages end or swinging as a couple ends…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

Getting Your Swing On With Communication Part 2

I am always amazed when someone will send me a message condemning me for writing about my swinging adventures. I am amazed because

  1. the title of the blog is Sophia’s Provocative Adventure – what else would I be writing about
  2. it is a blog – means this is not required reading for anyone – you voluntarily choose to read this blog
  3. I post the link of this blog on all the swinging sites we are on… so before you actually meet me you have the opportunity to know I have a blog about swinging and on that blog I talk about my swinging adventure… and if you still want to meet me and play with me… are you really surprised I may reference something about you either good or bad…
  4.  I never share verbatim a conversation with identifying details of the person. What I actually do is take a combination of ‘examples’ – since mankind tends to be similar in many aspects – combine them to extract an example to use in the post. Never have I said – Joe from profile Sirfuxalot on Kasidie or SLS or any other site I am on – and his wife Helen who works as a teller at lots-o-money bank on 4th street in Podunk City… said this “I am cheating on my wife pretending to be a swinger. What I do is combine several examples generically… is it my fault people have done some of this stuff more than once and can identify themselves?

Am I going around saying I am the most perfect swinger in the world? Nope. Never have. In fact, in a number of posts I have identified less than perfect behavior (thoughts) and have in fact put up with crap from others that I should not have put up with because I wanted to avoid drama and put up with others. That makes me less than perfect. Have I had to cancel some dates, parties, and hall passes over the course of our adventure? Sure have. I have canceled some with reasons that were not quite accurate. I canceled two house parties because of the people who signed up were less than appealing and instead of suffering through or rejecting the majority of those who signed up I canceled one. The second one we canceled it was because I was just feeling off… turns out to be a good thing since that same day I had a severe pancreatitis attack and went to the ER and spent 10 days at a local hospital on IV fluids and had two surgeries… So, yeah, not a perfect swinger by any means… but what makes me different from many others… I am honest that swinging can be a lot of sexy fun and sometimes it is a pain in the ass… and often because of the interactions with others. I have not always been a girl who states her mind. However, I am now and would not change it back… If you cannot handle the fact that I share about my swinging adventure honestly, then we are not going to get a long very well. And you know what, that is okay with me.

And that leads us to this topic of this post – getting your swing on with communication… being honest – with yourself and with others.

How honest are you?

I am not talking about stating on your profile that you want shaved pussy and only shaved pussy… but while we are on that topic – how honest are you really on hair/no hair? If you were incredibly attracted to someone and had not seen a pussy pic nor asked that question yet… would you still have sex with the person if they had some form of hair on their pussy?

I ask this because so many have put that they seek only shaved pussy and yet I see pictures in their albums of pussies with hair on it. Do you ask for no hair pussies because your spouse has a hairy pussy and you want what you don’t have? Or did you copy your profile from someone else who had that listed and figured that is what everyone expects? Do you shave/wax/laser your pussy because everyone expects that from their partners? Is it honest communication to list that in your profile and show pictures of hair pussies?

I ask this as a way to introduce the topic of honest communication happening from the profile forward. Does your profile really reflect who you are?

And I am not talking about the ‘happily married couple looking to spice up their sex life, who have great sex together, educated, discreet, and blah, blah, blah…. and so on’

I cringe every time I read those types of profiles… I get so tired of the BS… and here is why I say that… if you are a happily married couple who only swings to spice up their sex lives… why are you hiding the fact you communicate with other women (delete emails and texts immediately and try to limit the modes of communication to those where it is hard to find the deleted data) and try to get them to hall pass with you without your spouses knowledge? This is by the way much different from the married man with a single male profile and not with his wife’s permission. But how do you think you will get your swing on by being dishonest? By lying to the person you want to fuck?

Then there is the discreet comments… you want to be discreet in your swinging activities. I get that… yet you have pictures of multiple partners on your profile… validations, certifications, or raves depending on the site… you post on the forums and you seek partners on KIK, text, tinder and post pics on secret facebook, twitter and so on and so forth… how does the discreet work then? Or when at parties and events you talk about other swingers that you like, fucked, and would never want to fuck because of this or that you heard?

I had a single male profile – married man without his wife’s permission or knowledge despite the profile stating the opposite want to meet with me… wanted to know if I liked outdoor sex. How does that make it discreet? And if we can meet at my house… yeah, that will be very discreet… your wife won’t see money missing from your account or showing $49.95 at Hourly Rates Available At Quick Romps Roadside Motel.

How do you expect to get your swing on when you cannot communicate honestly. I have stopped mentioning ‘planned’ hall passes to my husband until the day of because of the cancellations that occur. And yes, sometimes I have had to cancel a hall pass because of a change of my schedule. I have had so many of them cancelled at the last minute… I mean I had this one plan a hall pass with me… and he confirms in the morning we are still on… this was a confirmation around the time he was going to be leaving to head to my hotel room… and he sends a text a few minutes later that he had to cancel. The reason… he and his wife had been fighting the night before and continued that morning and he is not in the right frame of mind for a hall pass. I could accept that better if he hadn’t just minutes before stated he was on his way. Now, my conspiracy theory part of my mind thinks… hmm, gotta wonder if he lied about what he was going to be doing and she caught on and then he had to admit the truth and she was pissed. He toyed with the idea of going ahead with it (sending me the confirmation that it was still on) and then thought better of it or she put an ultimatum out there… (the cancellation, I mean, he had been fighting with her the night before and that morning before the confirmation was sent… OMG)…. makes you wish people would just be honest. Especially when he continued the conversation to talk about having a threesome sometime with me and him and his wife… of course there are other details I have left out… but one has to wonder if he is being honest with his wife about me and the hall passes… because we started out talking about the four of us meeting and it went quickly to hall passes and him and I meeting when he is near where I live.

If you cannot be honest with yourself, it is very difficult to be honest with your spouse. I have never once been dishonest with my husband about my swinging adventures and all hall passes. Sometimes the honesty was more than he could handle, but it does not change the fact that I have always been honest with him. If I was going to meet someone for lunch, dinner, drinks, or just sex – he has known about them once it was confirmed. And he has been told of the cancellations that have happened. I have shared with him a lot of the details of conversations, level of desire, and plans of meeting and what we did on the hall passes or ‘vanilla date with a swinger’. Hubby also has access to all our sites, emails, and of course this blog… as I said, I have no secrets about swinging with him.

I have been honest in my communications with potential play dates about my preferences – I do like separate rooms and hall passes more than couple dates. I am not interested in a threesome with the man and his wife as they are not fun for me when I don’t know anything about the wife… and I hate the obligation there that is implied… he can’t have a hall pass but his wife can come for a threesome… yet, what about my husband? That always throws me… we talk about a hall pass and then they throw their wife in the mix… and exclude my husband… hmm… I am wondering where the honest communication is. I have to mention that I am really selective on the women I want to play with… I am not the type of girl that will kiss just any girl, any titties, or pussy… guys on the other hand… well, let’s just say… I really like the bi time to be special… not a gateway to being able to fuck their husbands as many women often do.

In the beginning of our adventure we were hit with such a high rate of couples where the men couldn’t get it up… and by couldn’t get it up I mean they have a medical reason involved that makes it nearly impossible even with a ‘pill’ to get hard. They both knew it and lied to us by pretending he could just so she could get fucked by someone… And you know what… this gave me a ‘swinger voice’ I guess you could say… I would make it very clear that if the guy can’t get it up he needs to either tell us up front or have a very good plan B in place to make up for the fact I can’t get fucked by him. We had quite a few couples stop communicating with us after I made that announcement… I did it in a plain but nice manner…. but the results still caused a number of couples to back off from meeting us… hubby felt bad… as the person who was often left without being fucked by a hard cock (which I love) and having to listen to their pity party afterwards… I did not care. They saved me the bother of having to suck a cock that won’t get hard until I got lock jaw all the while hearing her get off on my hubby fucking her silly…

Communication is key… and honest communication is even more so… I am telling you, the truth is far easier to deal with than the lying and manipulation a liar does to his/her victims… I know, that seems extreme. However, when you are lied to repeatedly… yeah, at some point you have to decided whether to call someone out on that or to actually allows yourself to be a willing victim.

A guy who wants to have a hall pass with me cannot seem to get the details straight… he will tell me he can meet me this day… we make plans. He does not do actual planning ahead of time to figure out how long it will take him to meet with me… then he has to be back in a short amount of time… meaning we have but mere minutes to meet and fuck… and then he will tell me at the last minute he will be out of town… and then he will come back and tell me that he will be out of town until a day or two after but be back a day or two before and then want to meet me and put an even smaller time limit… and all the time I am asking why doesn’t he just tell his wife he wants a hall pass. According to him he has allowed her a few hall passes… isn’t it fair that both be allowed hall passes?

Well, since he can’t seem to get his calendar figured out and each time he has planned one or thrown out possible dates… I have no desire to continue to play this game. So, being the honest communicator I am (I don’t like confrontations or discord, but damn, this girl has some difficulty with people playing games, lying, and wasting my time)… I told him ‘well an early check in would not have helped any… it’s almost 2 hours from (place 1) to (place 2). You’d have had to leave by 3pm. The earliest I could check in is 2pm. Not sure why you started making plans for the 6th if you weren’t even going to be in the state on the 6th. I will admit I am a bit confused here’. He wrote back some stupid excuses about what he has to do out of town as if that answers why he made plans for a day he was going to be out of the state.. and then states ‘please don’t get upset I really think that this is worth happening’. Really? You think this is worth happening if you cannot even plan something to actually happen on a date you are going to in the state. I get family things happening at the last minute or work things… it happens we all know this… but I have to ask WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PLANNING THINGS FOR DAYS YOU WON’T EVEN BE IN THE STATE?????

He wants to plan something for after the new year… until he is honest with his spouse and me about the hall passes… it won’t happen.

Through work I present before groups of people topics that helps their wellness. One of the topics was communication. There are a number of issues within the topic of communication that makes it difficult for people to be open to others. One may think that the biggest barrier is fear of how their ‘real feelings and emotions’ will be accepted, but that is not actually true. The biggest barrier in communication with two or more people is the willingness to do the work – be honest – but not hurtful, listen actively, and be open to their responses. Most people do the bare minimum hoping to get the maximum result. This is never more true in swinging.

Swinging is set up to hide a great deal from people. Family and careers can be affected by the choice to have sex outside the marriage partner. Swingers spend a great deal of time hiding things from others while still wanting to be open about what they do and what they want. With the amount of work it often takes to get in a room naked with others, many are afraid to be honest in fear of losing out on the opportunity to fuck strange. A good number of swingers will hide (lie) about things including what they really want… or they list such a long dissertation of what someone can or cannot do, have, or be on their profile to eliminate a great deal of interested people. I wonder if those things are really that important to them… or if they think it makes them appear so very particular or choosy raising their desirability. I don’t really think that is what they accomplish but what do I know other than I never read the list completely nor approach them… but when we meet them at a house party or event and they fuck with abandon and don’t seem to care if they have pubic hair, overweight, less than attractive, smart, or have a great personality… I wonder why they go on about those things in their profile.

I strongly believe that you have to be honest with your partners in your communication. It is difficult for me to believe that if you lie about whether you can hall pass with your spouse’s knowledge if you are going to be honest about anything else. Like do you have a disease you really ought to disclose to me so I can decide if I want to share it with you… Or if you cannot get it up and you are just using us to get your wife fucked to ease your guilt… or any of the other issues that people seem to have hidden from others… I mean, if you can only get hard if you are touching my ass and you can only have anal sex as a result… shouldn’t you be honest about that with me… you know, so I can have a say… prepare for it… or at least have lube and a condom handy? Yeah, had a guy with that very issue…

Communication – honest communication ahead of time is a sound plan of action as it allows the person the opportunity to venture in with their eyes wide open. To hide things like many swingers do opens them up to piss a person off and if they have a blog… post about them… but believe me… it is much better than the verbal gossip that happens at parties because someone will actually tell your profile name and your real name… you may want to keep that in mind when you are getting your swing on with communication…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia