I received an interesting comment from someone who read the last post. I guess I touched on a few things that she wanted to share about her own experiences. I have to say, I love it when readers reach out to me with their stories. However, this one is not the usual type of story I receive. It is great to illustrate what dishonesty in swinging can bring into your life.
Sophia, I read your post today and had to write you. My husband is one of those guys who aren’t honest with me. We have been swinging for 2 plus years already. We enjoy swinging and we both participate finding couples we want to meet. I found out recently that my husband is one of those guys who will meet secretly with a wife we met previously. I wondered if this was cheating and I know it is. If you are a swinger and your spouse is a swinger and you swing together there is no reason to hide things. He is, therefore he is cheating. Sophia, I don’t get this. We talked about hall passes and both agreed that if we were asked to hall pass we would talk about it and then hall pass. He never once told me about his desire for a hall pass. He never once ask me or told me he had a hall pass. I found out he has had several with several different women. He is a swinger who is cheating when he doesn’t have to cheat. I mentioned a guy I wanted to hall pass with and told him I wanted to ask the guy to hall pass and what did he think? He said, if I want to hall pass with the guy to go for it. While talking about me hall passing he never even suggested he might want a hall pass. He said nothing. It wasn’t like I was going to be upset with him. I was the person who brought up swinging in the beginning and hall passes.
We were going to have sex one night, him and I. Our sex life is not as robust as you would think it should be for swingers. We are busy and tired and been together 16 years with three kids. Anyways, I suggest having sex with my husband and he starts acting weird. I didn’t get why he was acting so weird. Then he told me he couldn’t have sex because he has broke out from something. He has a STD. I don’t have the STD. I went to the health department the next day and got tested. I am still clean. He has a STD he didn’t have when we met. He never showed any symptoms before and was always clean on our tests. I demanded he tell me what he was doing. He finally admitted he was hall passing with 4 or 5 women. One of them must have infected him. I asked him how many, no guesses. I asked him when he was going to admit it to me. I asked him why he hasn’t asked for permission. I asked him when he did these hall passes. Why he was lying to me all the time.
He had no answers that were good enough. A lot of I don’t know shit. I was so mad. He told me that I can’t get too upset that he is having sex, we are swingers.
I told him that I don’t know if we can stay married. I told him I needed a few weeks to think about this all. During those two weeks I overheard a phone call he had with a female who is pregnant and thinks he may be the father. This means he not only slept with other women without my knowledge, obtained an STD and had sex without a condom and got a woman pregnant.
I decided I was done. We are getting a divorce. He doesn’t know if he has fathered a 4th kid or not yet. She won’t tell him who all she slept with, how far along she is, or have a paternity test done. He is upset with me for giving up on him.
Like I said, we have started divorce proceedings. Our children understand a little of what is going on, they know that dad may have another child with another woman coming. They are 14, 13, and 11. It is a mess. It is more about him being dishonest but it is also about him being selfish, reckless, and just plain stupid. Our lives have been thrown into chaos because my husband couldn’t be honest. I had thought of the benefits of us having a poly relationship and talked to him about it so that we could expand ourselves. I have found someone that is a great friend, a great lover, and standing by me at this time. I am moving slowly with this but am still moving ahead with life. I don’t know why my husband couldn’t be honest with me. I don’t care anymore. He is the one who ruined our marriage and our children’s lives by being dishonest. It is on him.
Thanks Krista. I hope you keep in touch and let me know how it goes. And best of luck.