Tag Archives: honest swingers

Awe… Teachable… Are You?

On chat recently a conversation started about things that make you shake your head… those moments, profiles, pictures, and other things that you stumble upon and you ask yourself… WTF?

Have you ever had those moments… you see a profile that is just absolutely horrible or bare or whatever and you wonder… hmm… why do they even bother?

Or you hear someone say something that is so off the wall that you cannot believe your ears… or eyes is they say something on chat or in the forums…

Again you are like… WTF buddy… do you see or hear yourself…

The debate goes on where we are stuck wondering why we bother… and for most of those who ask this question it appears they are teachable and view every experience as a teachable moment even if that is not the conscious thought at the moment… but at their very core… they are teachable and they look for teachable moments.

Someone mentioned in chat the profiles that only have pictures of their cock… this was directed towards single men… the only thing they show are pictures of their cocks… no full body, no face… just their cock in every imaginable position possible… their profile goes on and on telling the reader about how they can do so much to your woman’s pussy that has never been tried before…

So when someone makes a comment about how that does not appeal to the Mr or the Mrs of the couple and maybe you should take a few moments and rethink your words and pictures…

Well, the single male often accuses the complaining couple of being anti-sm.

However, that is not the case…

If you think about it… if you are looking at the situation objectively… you – the SM wants some of that married pussy of the couple you are contacting… the Mr and Mrs (owner of the married pussy) is telling you – your approach is horrible and you should try again with something better… and you get pissed…. you have proven you are not teachable.

And that often leaves everyone feeling unhappy with the situation… for in the moment of the possibility that this couple was so taken by your arrogance and creative cock shots and proceeded to move along to meet and play with you… chances are you will act like a bull in a china shop and beat the shit out of that pussy because you failed to find out what that married pussy actually likes..

Doing a bit of plain speaking here…

Sorry if it offends anyone…

But most people who are not teachable in other parts of their lives are not suddenly going to be teachable in the matter of sex. You are likely to do it your way to the great displeasure of your partner.

Hey folks, not just me talking here… however, I am talking with some experience behind me… but I am also talking with the experience of many others… who have shared with me and others their experiences.

A teachable or non-teachable person is not solely the SM… it includes the SF, the Mr of a couple, and a Mrs of a couple.

Yep, being teachable and non-teachable is universal.

And as obvious as the big old barn door on a barn….

I run across people in person, on forums, chats, through emails, texts, and phone calls every day who are teachable and those who are non-teachable….

Now, don’t be surprised to find out that some people believe they can teach but really can’t… why? Because the best teachers in the world, no matter the subject are those who love to learn…

How can you teach if you fail to learn?

How can you teach if you are not teachable?

We see people who have one or two swinging adventures under their belt believe with their whole hearts they are in the best position to teach others about swinging.

We have been in this for more than two years and we are learning shit everyday…

About ourselves

Each other

Those we meet

Those we don’t want to meet

We are constantly learning and open to learning…

We share based on our experiences and learn from those who have had more experiences or you could say experiences we have yet to have…

A teachable person is a person dedicated to learning…

An non-teachable person believes in their own arrogance, pride, ego, and desire to prove to others they know it all…

Sadly, those people crash and burn all to quickly in the lifestyle…

They refuse to see the wisdom of those who have more time invested in this adventure.

They refuse to see the reality as it is… but rather how they ‘pretend’ it to be…

Their arrogance and their pride overrides common sense…

It blinds them to their ability to see just how they appear to others…

A handful of swinging adventures does not make you a good candidate for a teacher role in the lifestyle… not when you share your bits of ‘wisdom’ blinded of how you appear…

If you read through my blog from the very beginning you see the high and lows of swinging. How even in my ‘years’ of experience I have learned much and changed many times how we do things and keep an open mind to what else is out there… Every day I learn something new… often what I do not like… what I want to try… or something that falls anywhere in between…

I do not have all the answers because I do not know all the questions… I simply share my provocative adventures with you all to take from it what you want… if anything at all…

I have been told many times that something I said has helped them learn something about themselves… opened avenues of conversation, and allowed personal and couple growth to happen…

Gotta ask… when you go around spouting off acting like a know-it-all and you are the only one who thinks you know-it-all… what are people thinking of you?

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….

Sophia

A Bit of Freedom…

A long time ago, sexually social adventures such as this were no where on my radar. I never would have thought when we were in pre-marriage counseling to think…. hmmm… I wonder if when we have been married 20+ years will we start having sex with others.. with each other fully involved in this endeavor…

When our pastor had some some feelings that our marriage would not work… and let us know he did… and it was MY fault… well, here is why…

Hubby was going to school… he was 26 and gonna go to college… not full time, just part time.. but due to an injury he was not working and the pastor asked me… ME how I was going to handle the house while hubby was at school.

What part of PART TIME did he not get. I worked full time, hubby didn’t work at all… he was going to school PART TIME….

You really think I am going to clean the bathroom exclusively when I am not the person peeing on the outside of the toilet…. when he is home and can clean the toilet himself? What was I supposed to do, make his lunch before I left for work so he could sit at home and have his lunch already made????

Now, I am not a burn your bra type of feminist… I do like to go without a bra, but not necessarily burning it… I won’t be demanding a man not treat me like a woman… but I do want paid equally.. I enjoy the niceties being treated like a lady brings…. but not a real big fan of being treated like a servant… when I am an equal partner in the marriage…

The pastor said I was selfish.

Oh my… hubby is home most of the time since he is taking but a few classes… no part time work… no full time work… I worked three 8:30 to 5pm days and 2 days 12pm – 9pm… and I needed to clean the house and make dinner…. while he did what…

I stuck to my guns on this… if he plans on eating, peeing in a clean toilet, and having clean clothes to wear… he was going to have to do the work too… and since his is only part time… he would do more of it than me….

Well, one day his family came over for dinner. I love to host and I love to feed people… I can clean up a kitchen lickety split… but I don’t clean the kitchen while guests are here… the damn dishes can wait… to me people are more important than a clean kitchen 10 minutes after the last bite is ate….

Hubby was carrying on about the kitchen needing to be cleaned… I whispered as low as I could, which was hard… very hard… and told him, “You want the fucking kitchen cleaned now, do it yourself.”

In 8 days we will be celebrating 25 years of marriage…

He does his share to this day of cleaning, cooking, and other tasks necessary. It is not a ‘he does more than me/less than me’ situation. It is… if it needs to be done, then by all that is good in the world, do it…

We follow this same basic principle in our sexually social adventure… we both have to agree on the ‘whatever’ it is we are discussing… We have to see the other person’s point of view…

No one has the final say in this… and no one has more ‘authority’ than the other… despite the ‘setting the ground rules’ early in our relationship/marriage… it has been a ‘fair’ division of responsibilities and reward.

Now, for most people who have been married… you know that some rewards are buried in the midst of some rather shitty shit you deal with… and that is life…

And so it is in the sexually social adventure…

Sometimes you deal with some really fun stuff on the adventure and you deal with some really shitty shit too.

For many of us who have had more than one ‘adventure’ there has been some great times you look back on fondly and some not so great times you look back on and think “WTF” was I thinking…

And it isn’t a matter of taking one for the team… whatever that means… I say whatever that means as each person has a different opinion of what that means… and I always wondered why people took one for the team… you have a choice don’t you to say no…

I guess it may be different in my eyes… if I choose to have sex with someone I don’t see it as taking one for the team. I see it as my decision to have sex with them. I hope for the best and if it is less than the best experience I had… it is a ‘less than best experience’ and I don’t see it as taking one for the team…

I think you really have to accept the responsibility for all your adventures and not see it as a taking one for the team… it seems like an excuse used for the bad times had… and your contribution to it…

If you have the attitude that you are taking one for the team… it can be felt… by others… if you are not interested…say so… if you don’t and the person can feel your attitude towards that… then that is your contribution…. funny how that works…

Just like I did to my hubby and the pastor when the pastor thought I should cater and serve my husband when he was able to do those things… I voiced my opinion on it and said that is not how it would go. It hasn’t gone that way.

If hubby is going to complain about something being unfair on our adventure… he needs to shut up… why? Because he has the same opportunity as I do to change the course of the adventure…

He can stand up and say… hey look here… no way I am gonna do this or I wanna do that…

See each partner has a bit of freedom… to say what they want and how they want it…

And in a greater sense… that is what this sexually social adventure gives everyone who ventures in… a bit of freedom to pursue whatever it is that you choose to pursue…

A few days ago in chat I asked a question “for or against hall passes”…

The answers were typical. Not a single surprise at all. I am serious… all the same answers typically given.

It was sad… and here is why… while most of the respondents in chat were male.. they gave answers that focused on the premise that only the woman have hall passes…

Now think about this… they automatically assumed the women would have the hall passes… that they – the men would not have hall passes.

Who are the women hall passing with????

I have not had a hall pass with a woman alone. I have not sought a hall pass with a woman alone… or been sought after for a hall pass with a woman alone…

Most men generally assume their wives would have the hall passes and cannot see themselves as the recipient of a hall pass…

Yet, wouldn’t it make sense to have some man out there available to have a hall pass if women are having hall passes with men….

It made me wonder if the bit of freedom we have is a bit clogged with the manner we view ourselves….

Could we possibly think that our sexually social adventures should be a certain way because that is how it has always been – remember that story about the pastor – pre-marriage counseling and the division of housework? And what a joke that division of housework was in his view. Instead of seeing that our sexually social adventure should be designed to meet the needs of both of us as we are both equal in this adventure as I saw us in our marriage, men believe it is all for the women. To the extent that men cannot see themselves as someone desired. Putting themselves down to boost their wives.

I cannot tell you how many times I have had men mention that their wives have hall passes and they do not because….

And it is  mostly because they do not feel anyone would want to have a hall pass with them…

Is that not sad? Here we are having a sexually social adventure… as in we are having sex… and you know I have hall passes and I know your wife has hall passes… and you didn’t think that there was a possibility of us having a hall pass together?

This one guy… his wife had many hall passes…. he never had one. He honestly believed no one would want to have hall passes with him… There is more to that story and maybe one day I will share more details… but it is really sad to me to think that so many men believe when people tell them it is only the women who matter on this sexually social adventure…

I have to wonder if that attitude precludes you from being a party to hall passes because deep down you don’t believe anyone would want you….

Just a little something to think about…. on your sexually social ‘freedom’ adventure…

Sophia

Does Anyone Really Believe That Line?

On chat, on the forums, and in person we hear some people say a version of this statement – and I emphasize a VERSION of this statement… I have heard so many versions of this and so have others… “I am only in the lifestyle for my wife, I am not interested in getting laid.”

Wanna call bullshit with me?

I mean seriously. I have to wonder if anyone believes this… you, your spouse, the people you spout this nonsense too…..

You sound stupid. You sound like you are in denial. You are in fact denial. You are denying your very basic desires and I do not understand why?

Let’s see if I can break this down in an attempt to understand this issue a bit better….

You and your wife decide to swing.

You tell your wife you do not care if you get laid.

Let’s stop here… Why did you start swinging?

I have and so have others heard “My wife wants to explore her bi-side.”

Well, then let her go and play with women alone. Not an option? Why not? You say she won’t be safe. Well, if it is just two women… you can meet the other woman before hand… but let’s ask this question here… if you don’t think your wife will be safe playing with another woman…. why are you swinging? Why are you putting you and your wife out there if you feel there will be a number of large risks to her safety?

That is not good for you to let her find a girl to have a ‘friendship’ with that she can also suck some pussy with…. you want to be involved…

So you present yourself as a couple looking for a single female to play with.. again, so your wife can explore her bi-side… Why then do you want to participate if this is for your wife and you don’t really care if you get laid?

Why then, are you upset that you cannot get hard when with your wife and another woman who is there by your own admission to allow your wife explore her bi-side and you are not interested in getting laid?

You are upset because you want to be hard, you want to fuck the other woman, you want to get laid.

However, you have lied to yourself and your spouse and everyone else you have told this too…

And for what purpose?

If you cannot be honest with yourself, you feel guilt when the two sides of you battle.

If you cannot be honest with yourself or your spouse… well this is the beginning of marital discord. Yeah, the same guilt that keeps you from getting hard or however it manifests itself will remain and in fact, get worse in you and between you two.

If you cannot be honest with your spouse about how you REALLY feel and how much you want this… because you do not think your wife will understand… buddy, you have got some major issues happening in your marriage…

Gotta ask why her desires with the lifestyle are more important than yours…. or why you would want to continue this type of relationship… Now, I am not saying divorce her… I am talking about being honest for possibly the first time in your life about what you want sexually. I mean seriously… you are a swinger… why can’t you embrace the fact you are a swinger and fucking swing!

How fair are you being to those you want to meet, meet, or try to fuck?

And come on, if the other woman wants you, are you really going to say… “Sorry, I really don’t want to get laid.”

Got to admit here, the few guys who have said that line to me… that they are only in this for their wife and her bi enjoyment… were lying to me… first of all.. we (the other female and I) hardly played if at all… she was more interested in fucking my hubby and he fucked me…. and wanted to do so again and again…

Let’s be honest here… If you want to fuck someone… let them know… We really don’t need to hear the lies that you think will make you feel better… just be honest.

Say it to yourself out loud…

I WANT TO FUCK YOU.

IT IS OKAY THAT I WANT TO FUCK YOU.

MY WIFE WANTS TO FUCK YOUR HUSBAND. I WANT TO FUCK YOU.

Come on everyone, embrace the truth. It is okay to want to fuck other people. You are not suddenly ‘a better person’ because you ‘don’t really want to get laid’ but place both of you in the position to be naked with other people.

If you want to be a swinger than learn to accept the fact that other swingers are okay with you wanting to fuck others..

If you just want to watch others having sex and not participate then be honest about why…. don’t hide behind your wife’s bi-exploration.

Cuz no one believes what you are saying… not even the guys who say the same damn thing…

Hope you are honest on your sexually social adventure… the rest of us appreciate it!

Sophia