Tag Archives: introduction emails

Swinging and Social Awkwardness Part 6 Pre-Date Communication

How in the world do most swingers get laid? I am seriously asking this question because I would love to know. I have read my share of good, bad, and ugly pre-date communication and I will tell you, sometimes I do not reply to some communication… why? Because I can’t. If I did, it would appear mean and by mean – I would be very plain and to the point. Honest.

I am not the only one… read some forum posts and you will see others ask the same question – do they really think this works? Seriously… do they?

I had one profile contact me and start a very long rambling email talking about things that I had no idea about… and they went on acting as if this was part 4 of a 7 part conversation… only thing was, I was not party to the first 4 parts. I had no idea what they were referring too. Most of what I could catch on in their email had no relevance to my life… and was just so weird. I sent a reply that said “I have no idea what you are talking about” and for my efforts received two more emails crazier than before going on trying to back pedal in the previous conversations… I seriously wrote them a reply and said “I have no idea what you are talking about and do not want to continue the communication.”

See what I mean about plain speaking and honest… and how that can appear to be mean… but for Pete’s sake… if you are bat shit crazy or even just a bit of a lunatic… don’t email me. I may have worked in that field before, but it doesn’t mean I want to have that in my swinging fun…

A few posts ago I had posted the entire initial email that someone sent that listed all their profile shit that most people don’t want to read in a profile let alone an introduction email… I received a second email from them basically telling us to open our pictures because they did…

Well La-te-da to you… you open your pictures – so fucking what… I am under no obligation to open my pictures to you… this isn’t a tit for tat because you demand it type of situation. Despite the fact that I found your email offensive… you are not that attractive and certainly nothing I would want to see in person – yes, that sounds mean… but come on… if you write some ugly shit in your opening email and you are not attractive (read ugly) then you know what… two strikes… and since this is NOT baseball I don’t have to give you the opportunity for a third strike…

Which leads me to this…

The purpose of the introduction contact is to obtain a date – well for most people. Sometimes it is simply to chat the ear off of someone with endless drivel… sometimes it is to develop a spank bank full of other peoples pictures (you do know that there is free porn sites of real people that you can get off to and don’t have to annoy swingers asking for them…) but a good number of swingers like to have something come out of the initial or pre-date communication.

Here is something you need to know about me… some of this will be a surprise – if you never read my blog before – old news if you have… but here it goes again.

All communication with me is important. You can get into my panties immediately with the right communication. You can get yourself on the ‘leave me the fuck alone, you annoy me’ list immediately by the wrong communication.

As I said, this may not be a huge surprise when you read my blog.

Here are a few rules you can think about when initiating communication with a person… In no particular order

  • Don’t state or restate the obvious. There are some times when people will announce that they know you looked at their profile. I can’t tell you how many words I have swallowed when I see that and want to tell the person – “Hey look captain obvious, that is fucking annoying to people, some won’t tell you that, but that puts you in a list of pretty fucking stupid and ain’t going to get anything more from us… If you want to let them know you know they looked at you and believe me they know they looked at you – and if you didn’t get an email  or other communication they were looking out of curiosity or accident… and they aren’t interested… by adding “we caught you peeking” or “Thanks for peeking” you are making them feel awkward because you are putting them on the spot and they don’t like that… don’t believe me? Well too many people have contacted me, liked my post, or commented the same as me on those types of comments… here is what you should do…
    • Instead of ‘Thanks for peeking’ or “Caught you peeking” go ahead and say something that is not so captain obvious… about them… You see… we – swingers –  are as a group very stuck on ourselves… otherwise why would some people state obvious things as their first impression… but instead of thinking about thanking them for peeking or making it known that they are peeking… why not say something about them, their profile, their pictures you can see… something like….
      • Your profile picture really captures one’s attention (please only use this if their profile picture is something good… not just a blurred out face pic or some crazy picture that no one can tell what it is… take the nipple pic of mine above – that is the profile picture on all our sites… say something like… “that nipple really draws me in” or “How can a white t-shirt be so sexy?” or “Would love to know the story behind the profile pic?” The first one is a compliment, the other two encourages engagement… and isn’t that what swingers want… to be engaged by others or engaging others? If not, you may have forgotten why swingers swing… to engage body parts together…
      • If their hometown or current place of residence or vacation mentions in the profile or pictures has any relevance to you past, present or future… mention that to them… I have done it many times in the time I have been on this sexually social adventure and you know what… it works.
        • I saw a guy from NC but currently lives in CA… I stated… “I see you are from NC… the mountains, Piedmont, or coast?” I got an email in return and a great deal of fun chatting with him…
        • Or – “I see you are a fan of Florida, what part is your favorite? We have been to a few locations, but our favorite is Santa Rosa Beach…” They responded to us and we shared pictures of our trips there…  and had a great deal of fun communicating.
        • Or – “We are heading to your area in the spring, I was wondering if you could give me some recommendations for swing clubs (or vanilla things even). We like to find out what the locals like rather than just hit the tourist spots.” I have gotten a number of great responses of things to do… I did not mention we want to meet them when in the area – we know they will be working most likely, and that just makes it awkward to put that in the first contact… I keep it very open, nice, and non-pressured – mostly asking for their expert advice… most people love to brag about their hometown, things to do, and love being asked to share this knowledge.
      • Compliment them on their profile… but say more than just “Nice profile” or “Interesting profile”. Tell them what you liked about it… what stuck out to you… make it a real compliment rather than just fluff.
        •  “I about spit out my tea when reading your profile. You have a way with words… and “I have all my teeth, but my wife is missing her wisdom teeth – which is why she married me” was hilarious….
        • “I am going to have to ask you to explain the “That night was so damn erotic it causes me to dream of it again and again. I am very intrigued.”
        • “I read your profile and am interested in having a gang bang too, do you know of any club or group that helps facilitate this endeavor near us? If not, do you want to work together to find some guys we can vet for gang bangs so that others can enjoy the fun we want to have?”

Can you see the difference between the captain obvious statements and the all about me statements compared to the examples I shared… Those are ‘assertive’ statements? They share your opinion, an authentic compliment and something either a statement or a question that is open ended that will facilitate more conversation.

Most swingers have a site or two that they are involved with that will have a profile… most, like 99% of the swingers will have a list of everything they want and don’t want in another swinger. I find this very off putting. Seriously. I stop reading most profiles… the only exception is when planning a party… I read the profiles of those who are wanting to come to the party. One other exception is when they ask me to read their profile to see how they can improve it… and the last, when I see a profile picture that is interesting, they are local and I want to get to know them…

The problem with the last one is… their profile sounds like all the rest… and I get bored… and I stop caring to meet them… really. I do.

Secured married couple. DD free. No drama. Fun and attractive. Blah, blah, blah…

Here is the problem I have with that… are you really going to say “Our marriage is going to hell in a hand basket. We have had the clap 3 times in our swinging adventure… to add to that I had herpes before we met and gave it to him… we don’t do drugs… all the time, just most of the time… We are boring as shit and we think we are attractive, but it appears no one else does and that is why we are trying to convince you we are attractive, it’s just your eyes that are seeing us as plain, average, or ugly.”

What I want to know is… what makes you secure in your marriage (explain how you love to share sexual experiences with each other… you love to variety of sex partners and no matter what, you know that you are coming home to share the after experiences and stories with each other… you find that as thrilling as the sex with your partners…

Skip the DD shit… if you are a huge user of weed… let me know… if you enjoy other drugs while having sex… let me know so I can pass you by… I have found that most who use drugs try to push it on others by telling you how wonderful it is… here is the thing… I was born in 69… I lived through the 70s, 80s, 90s and 16 years of the 2000s… I haven’t tried drugs yet… I tried smoking cigarettes a total of 2 puffs and threw up both times… I am allergic to most pain medications and allergy medications and ibuprofen and most of the meds my doctors try to prescribe me… so, I could not give a shit about your use of drugs… leave me alone… and I will leave you alone.

How are you fun?

Have you ever asked someone that and they have no fucking idea how to explain that? I have. I have seen the we are fun and easy going… and yet their profile is boring, their initial contact is boring and they have a list a mile long that I have to adhere to in order to contact them let alone meet them or fuck them… how fun and easy going are you really?

Attractive… how fucking subjective is that? I have seen people go on and on about how attractive they are and their pictures show some pretty unattractive people. NO smile, NO laughter, NO originality… and sometimes the pictures are poorly taken and not flattering. Don’t say you are attractive and don’t say others find you attractive. I don’t care. It won’t sway my thoughts on if you are hot, attractive, average, ok, or fucking ugly… trying to convince me that you are attractive often makes me not want to look. I can’t unsee some of what I have seen.

Write your profile that reflects you… leave out what the fuck you are looking for… bald, not bald… fat, not fat… gym rats, Ken and Barbie, and so forth and so on… you are messing with people’s self-esteem… humans will typically think they are either better than they are or worse than they are… rarely do we see ourselves as we are in a situation where we are being judged worthy of fucking… A guy starting to thin out on top will obsess about the losing of some hair (I know, my husband does this) and he will see no bald guys and he is not bald… and think, they won’t want to meet us… my hair is thinning… OMG… don’t do that shit… look at the profile you want to meet and if he is bald and you don’t fuck bald… don’t contact them… you don’t have to tell everyone what the screening methods you are using…

So, let’s say you employed the techniques of commenting on a profile who perved you and you want to initiate contact… you leave a note on their profile (I am referring to Kasidie’s site in most of this post) and they contact you back… how do you start the communication from there?

Here is how this example would play out…

They peeked at your profile.

You wrote on their wall, “Fancy that, we have the same home town, I haven’t been there since 1993… wonder if we ever ran into you back then.”

They comment on your wall post… “I lived there for my first few years of life in 1987… maybe preschool? LOL… I see you live about 40 minutes from us now… I have a few questions… I will email you…”

You get an email… the email is about the club and parties in the area… you haven’t attended many of them, you prefer couple dates… how do you write this without shutting down the flow of conversation? By looking at what you are writing and how it will be received.

“We haven’t attended many of the clubs and parties around here. We attended Club Swing a few times in 2014, but found it hard to connect as few moved from their established groups to welcome new comers. We’d love to try it again if we could get 2 or 3 couples we know to go at the same time. We have gone to Sophia’s house parties a number of times and always have a great time there. She loves to have new and old friends come to the party, I can let you know when she is having another one if you want…”

That email sends out two main reasons for the communication to continue. You mentioned that you would like to go to Club Swing with a few other couples to have a bit of fun there – as in not sitting by yourself… if they are interested in you, and you can assume that to at least be acquaintances or move towards friends is likely… don’t blow it… the second is that you will provide some information on a great house party in the area… says stay in contact with me… and you are providing two opportunities to meet and not have to do a couple date, but a more information and relaxed time.

Now, let’s say you want to send a blind email to someone. That means, you peeked at their profile and you want to meet them… How on earth will you do that and make a good first impression?

Follow the same rules. Find something about their profile or pictures and start with that… introduce yourself and be casual about it… nothing says needy and desperate than most of the swinger introduction emails. Here is an example. I am going to pretend Beth is sending an email to me Sophia and use the details she would find on our profile.

Hi, This is Beth, yep actually the female half of this profile… I ran across your profile picture and have to see it is a great one. I love how you took a picture of ‘Sophia’ in a plain white T and made it very sexy…

My husband and I were looking at your profile and found it very unusual and how refreshing that is… We decided to change up our profile a bit, not copy yours, but took out all the usual stuff and put a bit more of us in it. Thanks for the inspiration.

We noticed you host house parties and would love to come to one at some time. How would we go about getting an invitation?

We like to meet other couples and are curious how you guys go about doing it. This is what we like to do and if it matches with your likes… let us know. We love to plan something other than dinner and drinks… and when we have dinner or drinks, we limit that to no more than an hour. Seriously, how boring is it on the 3rd and 4th hour. We can usually tell by looking at a profile if we are interested and within minutes of meeting someone, we know if we want to have sex with them that night or very soon or not at all. We don’t like a whole lot of pre-date texting. Here is why, what are we going to talk about when we meet.

So here is what I propose. If you have a party coming up in the next 2 to 3 weeks, can we come? We can meet you and other swingers at the same time… very relaxed setting compared to a date…

If not, do you want to meet up for dinner on Saturday the 23rd, Sunday the 24th or Saturday the 31st, Sunday 1st? I was thinking meeting for dinner about 5 or 6pm at the Buffalo Bistro and then head down to the Dugout for a game of darts until the band starts. I figure by that time we will know if we want to play or part ways. If we decided to play, we can head to our house as we are empty nesters and love not having to pay for a hotel… LOL.

I know this sounds forward to many, but I figured that if you were the type to decided to swing and full swapped a week later, things don’t have to go very slow for you guys… us either.

P.S. Love your blog… yes, we got a few tips on how to contact you from the blog… we are eager to learn and show off what we learned!

Beth and Robert

That is not really that far fetched of an example. We have had a few like that and we have send a few like that…. I love when the intentions of the other person is out there in plain language so that I know what they want. I love a person who wants to meet giving me some clear ideas of when and where instead of 14 emails of “whatever you want” “whenever is fine” and then you give your choice and they don’t like it or can’t do that…

Now, what if that email arrived in your email box? What would you think about it?

I will talk about that in the next post.

Muah Sophia
















Bad, Very Bad and Not In A Sexy Way – Introduction Email

There are times when you cannot make shit up. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t make some shit up… this is one of those times. I received the following as an introduction email. Since I have been talking about communication a lot recently… well, this is a damn good example of how not to communicate and why.

Just so you know, I have not adjusted anything in the email but to remove the Mrs’ first name. This means, the grammar, punctuation, and all the other stuff is their’s and theirs alone. I want to start off by saying… ‘take a fucking breath once in a while…’ I say that because I read it as if all said in one breath until the last bit… so two breaths… but one is very, very long… (that is how my mind works when I read things… I imagine how they sound when they talk… weird, I know… but like when a guy is talking about how hard their cock is… I have a voice in mind… lol).

Their subject line is “Hoping to meet… ”

Body of the email – “My wife and I came across your profile read it and we really like how you feel about meeting others we feel the same way we have been married for 37 years very secure in our relationship we are just looking for a fun couple to go out with have fun and whatever happens we will just go with it we both love The Swinging lifestyle we also stay within our own race no reflection on anyone that’s just the way that we feel we like to be around people that like to have fun we don’t like anyone that is rude pushy are obnoxious and doesn’t know the meaning of the word no We prefer full swap same room we play together we love to watch the other one play we have no jealousy issues this is something that we both enjoy we are DDF, clean and discreet we respect one another as well as who we are with, hopefully we can get to meet one another maybe for dinner and have a great friendship are you all going to be able to go to the New Year’s Eve party MRS (name removed) and I plan on being there Friday night and Saturday night do you have a room yet?

MRS (name removed) and I like to see the other couple so we always open our pictures for you so you can see us as well can you open all of your pictures and we will do the same for you, thank you.”

I added the ” ” marks. The other punctuation or lack of punctuation was all their doing. In all those words… 2 – commas, 1 – question mark and 1 -period. A few capital letters here and there… but no punctuation before the capital letters so it makes you wonder WTF?

But that isn’t really what is the problem. I found a lot of problems with the words chosen.

A general pet peeve of mine is when people write ‘secure in our relationship or marriage’. This annoys me because I wonder who are you trying to convince. This is an introduction email to express their interest because they are ‘hoping to meet’… yet they go on and on about their secure relationship, how many years they are together and I have to ask… So what? Why do I care? What does this knowledge have to do with what I am a swinging for???

I mean simply put… I feel like you are trying to convince me that you are a-okay with your marriage… I am not looking to break up your marriage, so the condition of your marriage is not a concern of mine. While I hope that your marriage in general is great… I simply do not care at this point and time. You have one chance to make a good impression to me… and quite simply, you are failing already.

I want to know what you will do for me in regards to sexual chemistry and well, sex… not what you and your wife have… My husband doesn’t care really if you have been together 37 years or not… he wants to know if your wife is active while having sex or a pillow princess. Impress us with what you bring us when you come to the table (or bed) so to speak. I know that sounds cold and heartless… but let’s get real. Your marriage being great, ok, or crappy isn’t what is going to get us to want to fuck you. Maybe it is what matters when trying to get your spouse to fuck you… but we aren’t your spouse.

We are swingers who are full swap. We are not swingers who just like to watch others fuck. We are not swingers who like just soft swap. We are not swingers who are in it for just for gaining friends. We are swingers who like to fuck others. I do not want to go on endless dates with couples. I do not want to hang out in public and crack sex jokes all night long like a bunch of high school kids. If I am going on a date with another couple, I want to date the guy half of the couple and fuck his brains out. That is what I want. This couple wants to hang out and have fun and if something happens they will go along with it…

Listen up men… while I am not a submissive girl… I do like a man who will take charge and make a fucking move… I do not want to make all the moves to get things going… I do not want to hang out all night long having fun waiting to see if you will ever do anything… Not my style. Read my profile… we swung one week after our first conversation about swinging… I am not a sit back and wonder if something will happen… if it is going to happen… make it happen… or I will get bored… I have been known to move from one guy in a group to another to get something going… if you can’t make the move, then I will move on… (and before you think I am a cold, heartless bitch… before I move on I generally make a first move…and if you don’t respond to the move I make… out of fear, lack of recognition or your spouse’s blessing… that is when I move on… and fast… I am an unapologetic full swap, love to fuck swinging girl.)

And why am I stating all this… because this person who wrote this email will never know because he never bothered to communicate with me… he threw up some words on an email and hit send… a bunch of bullshit, who the hell gives a shit vomit on an email.

And if it sounds like I am a bit pissy about this email. I am. And here is the reason why.

This guy/gal/couple has no fucking idea what my race is. The white tshirt pic on the top of this blog is the only public picture I have on my profile. You have to get past GO to see my pussy on the profile… or my nipple or my face even… You cannot tell from that picture if I am white, black, Hispanic, Asian, or any other race or nationality. HOW DARE YOU OFFEND ME LIKE THAT! What if I a am race that is not white?

We are almost done with 2016 and heading into 2017… really, you think you need to put on there we don’t fuck races other than our own… look at the fucking pictures first before you are hoping to meet and decide to offend people.  I have never understood the need to write that shit down on a profile and certainly not to an opening email to someone you don’t know.

I don’t get why people write down they don’t fuck bald guys or fat girls or flat chested girls or small cocks… for Pete’s sake… ask for pictures of what they look like… and if you aren’t interested… just say you aren’t interested or if you are really that chicken shitted (is that a word?) then just say… sorry, we are going to have to pass as our lives just got complicated.

For the record, we are both white. I have a bit of Native American in me… but not a whole lot of it as it is mixed with quite a bit of other stuff… but we have family members that are of other races… I am offended for all the others who are of other races who see this shit all the time… if you don’t fuck other races… find out what they are first before you tell them you want to meet… and you can actually decide not to fuck someone of another race without it posted in a profile or email. I mean come on…

Yeah, I was going to post this on the forums… I got to the point where I had to click POST THIS and decided against it… I then wrote them an email and was very happy in an self-righteous way and decided to not send the email… but you know what… I am posting it on my blog… it deserves to be mentioned all the stupid stuff people do to keep themselves from getting laid in the lifestyle.

And then they go on and assume we are going to some fucking party on New Year’s Eve… here is the thing… first I am not sure what party they are referring too.. (Pet Peeve of mine – you expecting me to read your mind and fill in the blanks… wanna have a conversation, put all the words in the sentences I need to understand what the fuck you are saying) and then they want to know if we have a hotel room…. WHAT???? What’s next… our social security numbers, children’s birth dates? I am not sure I participated in the conversation he was having with me… but I never stated I was going to a party, never signed up for a party… and WTF??? But hey, let’s assume that your world is so fucking small that everyone knows what the fuck you are talking about and is focused solely on you… but then again your email pretty much states that is how you operate… stupid, stupid, stupid.

Then they want to see our pictures… They opened their pictures for us… YIPPEE!

Let’s be honest here… they are not going to see our pictures… Their opening email gets credit for a lot of words… points taken off for no punctuation… points taken off for being culturally insensitive… and points taken off for assuming facts I never provided them… and since I am on a roll here being honest… they are not really my cup of tea visually… so there is that… and my hubby is not so much into her… without the email to sway things violently to fuck no!

Folks… this is an honest post about my feelings on one of the worst emails I have received and why you must up your communication skills if you want to get laid in the lifestyle. There are just too many stupid as fuck things in the email that piss me off… and I know for a fact they piss others off too… I have read and heard people complain about these things so very often… it just happens to be the timing of this email with my emphasis on communication that has gotten me so riled up…

You have one chance for a first impression… why fuck it up? Take some time, google some communication skills and think before you hit send… not hard to do if you think about some of this shit and how it will appear to others… before you hit send.

If you want to get laid in the lifestyle… use your head… you communication and social skills you learned in school… and if you didn’t learn them in school… the by all means… google them… you will find them all over the internet.

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Muah Sophia