Tag Archives: opportunities

Friendships in the Lifestyle, Good or Bad?

I had a conversation with someone who I had met several years ago and have been in and out of ‘texting’ conversations since we met… Sometimes life gets busy and we hadn’t talked in a while and then we talk every day, just one or two texts and other times a bit longer. Most of our texts are very vanilla in nature and they usually are about ‘real’ life issues or we comment briefly about Kasidie a site we are both on… but the conversations are rarely sexual in nature and certainly not what one would consider conversations that lead to sexy banter either.

As the conversation continued, I asked him if he thought of having sex with me when he was going to be heading my way a few months ago. The conversations around the meet was very vanilla… short time available to stop in and say hi… nothing about sex and while that is okay, I had to wonder… my hubby believed that he wanted to have sex… but I didn’t think so… so, what on earth could I do but ask…

So, I did…

His answer was that he wasn’t thinking we would have time – and never mentioned it as a desire to have – so, in his mind, sex would not happen.

He also said that if he had sex with me and it changed the friendship that it would be horrible… that not having sex would be better if the relationship stayed the same.

Now, these are the conversations that get me thinking and thinking and thinking and well… this got me… you guessed it… thinking…

When swingers state they are looking for friends and specifically friends with benefits… does it actually work out that you are both good friends and friends who have sex?

I have to add that this person I reference above lives quite a ways away… like approximately 14 hours away with no pit stops added into the time… It is not like we would be able to meet up once a month or anything… so, would the friendship be at risk if sex was had?

This brings me to the idea of what friendship means…

In the beginning of the ‘text’ portion of the relationship between this person and myself, the texts were challenging… he would say morning every morning and that was that… remember, I have said repeatedly that I get bored with the same old shit day in and day out… ‘u wet’, ‘u naked’ etc… morning and that is all you say is annoying to me… either have a conversation with me or change it up a bit… add a good morning… or morning sexy… or something… morning sounds likes you are doing the bare minimum and it’s killing you to do the bare minimum… and believe me, the person on the receiving end of the bare minimum knows they are getting the bare minimum… guess what that makes the person feel like?

A person feels like an obligation… a chore… an annoyance they are placating… and it wasn’t just me… others who received this felt the same…

I stopped the communication… it was more annoying than fun… and when something falls into this area, well, you might as well stop it… the feelings felt in this manner are no fun and better uses of one’s time is just that… a better use of one’s time.

After a bit of time, real conversations started up again… not sexy texts… but conversations about life… you know the stuff of friends. That felt much better than ‘morning’ and nothing else, unless he was upset that we never said much after morning…

So, when I look at what defines a true friendship, I look at the example above… and what we have been through, how long we have been ‘friends’ and the fact that we still communicate about real things happening in our lives… I find the true definition of a friendship as one that can withstand periods of annoying texts… and periods of silence… and periods of real conversations about life and all the nice and unpleasant parts of life…

And I wonder if one can withstand this over the course of a few years… could it also withstand sex?

From what I have been told and what I witnessed firsthand… if the sex is good the friendship is strong… if the sex is bad, the friendship ends…

We had a couple in the beginning of our adventure that wanted to be friends with us and have sex with us… new and naive could describe us… we thought it was possible to find someone you enjoy being with and have sex… we got a long fairly well when we met… there was nerves (here is where the naive falls into play) on their part… so we cut them some slack… what we found was they weren’t nervous about playing… they were hoping and the nerves came into play here… they were hoping that she would be well fucked before I realized he couldn’t get it up… and not because of nerves… but because he suffers from low testosterone and planned this date right before his next shot… and they are not that unaware of all this… she is a nurse… they knew what they were doing… she wanted fucked and they planned the date… knowing he wouldn’t be able to get it up at all… the pity party we had to withstand after the ‘issue’ was made known…

Like I said, we were new and naive… (this is where I get a lot of my material… experience, not just solely opinion here sexies…) we put up with the attempts to cover it, we put up with the pity party, while thinking of a way to get out of there without hurting their feelings… and I have to tell you, through most of the pity party I had my husband’s cum dripping out of me because we had had enough of these experiences (like the day before too) for him to know, fuck they shit out of Sophia before we get dressed or it feels like a waste of shared hotel costs…. but we also thought we could remain friends with someone because they wanted to be friends with us… despite them lying to us… and manipulating us… fuck, we weren’t just new and naive… but just out and out too nice and plain stupid…

But, we wanted to think it was possible for people to become friends and remain friends when the sex isn’t so good…

And this brings me to my point I started a long time ago in this post…

It is possible to be friends with other swingers and have sex… and even if the sex is not exceptional for one or the other because of life creeping in… if you are real friends, you recognize that sometimes people do have an off day…

Not like that couple who set up the situation for failure… but for those who are true friends and not the commonly used ‘friends’ title most of us give each other because we really don’t know each other and have no idea how else to describe who you are… you really can’t tell your kids you are going to a relative strangers house to fuck them… so you say, “we are meeting friends” and come up with something else to do besides fucking like ‘dinner’, ‘drinks’, ‘pool party’ etc… but most people who claim they are friends with someone else who is a swinger is more likely ‘friendly’ than true friends.

So, if the sex sucks… and at times it does… if we are honest with each other here… sometimes it sucks… sometimes it is okay… and sometimes it is good… and sometimes it is awesome… but often it is just okay… where you could take it or leave it… hence the once and done scenario… but even if the sex is less than stellar, one can believe that if you are true friends long before the sex happens, you will still be friends…

And here is something that one can consider when judging the sex quality… if you truly know what the person is about… truly their friend… you know that they have this or that going on in their life and you can understand if the sex is not so great this time but last time it was… you know they have a lot of stress going on and with that stress you find that  sex doesn’t always release that stress like we think… and then we can sit back and talk with them about what is going on and how it is affecting them… we can change the sex from wild swinger sex (I laugh when I write that since so much of the swinger sex is much like vanilla (boring) sex… the only difference is the partner)…. but you can spend a bit of time talking and touching in a soothing way until they relax enough to enjoy moving things ahead… yeah, that is something that defines friendship in the lifestyle… when you can understand, care about, and are comfortable with doing what needs to be done to help your friend along… all because you know you are truly a friend and not just a once and done swinger partner.

The title of the post is if friendship in the lifestyle is good or bad… and you know what, I think that if you are truly friends… true and authentic rather than ‘facebook’ style friends… it is a good thing… if not, then friendship is another tarnished element thrown in to make others think it is worth their time to know… and most experienced swingers know there are certain words in a profile or in emails from swingers that scream out…

Well, I will let you figure out what they scream out to you….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

How Do You Get Your Swing On? Part 1 Introduction

This is another manner in which to look at the 4 parts of ‘getting your swing on with communication’. I mentioned a great deal how important communication is… so imagine taking communication out of the equation… and still getting your swing on…

You open a profile on a swinger site. You pick ‘swinger’ as your profile name – because you certainly want to do the least amount of communication in the name. You are forced to choose what type of profile it is… you are a couple – you pick couple. You have the option of not putting your age, height, weight, and preferences on your profile and you leave those out. You are expected to put at least one sentence on the profile in each section. You write ‘We are swingers.’ and put that in each section. You do not fill anything out.

How likely are you to have others contact you?

You may think very unlikely… but nope. You will be contacted by NEWBIE SEEKERS…These are people who seek newbies, who they believe are ‘disease and picky’ free. Meaning, you haven’t gotten any disease that is currently going around… and you are not going to be too picky because you are thrilled to have someone contact you and want you.

This is great if this is what you are seeking. However, in order to get your swing on, it takes more than that… This is not a ‘how to write your profile’ post. This is a serious look at how you get your swing on without communication with others.

You cannot.

You have to communicate with others if you want someone to want you.

So, let’s say you mastered basic communication skills… you have someone interested in meeting you. How do you get your swing on after that moment.

For example, you are about to enter the restaurant, you and your spouse… what do you do?

Do you plan on snuggling and cuddling with each other and make your prospective partners wonder why they are on a date with you?

Or do you go in there with the intentions of actually dating the person you want to fuck either that night or very soon?

I am going to be honest… most of the time… it is the first. The couple demonstrates they are a very loving couple between themselves… but does little to get the want or desire building between the couples who think they will be pairing off.

How is that supposed to work? You snuggle and flirt with your spouse and then suddenly it is about time to poop or get of the pot so to speak… you have to make the determination of whether you are going to play or not… to me, it is rather easy for me to make that decision. NO. Nope. No way.

You did nothing to build that interest in me and without the work there is no reward.

You didn’t flirt with me, you didn’t snuggle or touch or kiss me… just your wife… and this is where most swingers state a statement that is obvious and quite stupid in this context… ‘well, even if we don’t swing, we can still fuck each other.’ In this case, it is the most stupid thing to say. You are having sex with your spouse because you made sure your potential partner felt like you weren’t interested in them.

I have been on dates like this… the man is wanting to fuck me. He has said as much many times. Yet, while on the date with us… he is dating his wife. She is dating him and not my hubby. We are bored. The other husband or wife asks us if we want to get a room. Nope we say. I get a text afterwards telling me how much he wanted me, how much he loved what I wore, wanted to see if I had any panties on, wanted to kiss me so much…. REALLY? Were we on the same date? His wife wanted my husband… AGAIN REALLY?

I will mention that to him… why didn’t you flirt with me? Sit by me, touch me, kiss me, or acknowledge to me that you knew I was present?

His response, ‘we are shy’.

BULLSHIT.

You weren’t so shy that you couldn’t snuggle and kiss your wife in public. You weren’t so shy all the times on the phone, chat, email – whatever when you expressed the want and desire then…

The truth is, you and your spouse have not talked about how to get your swing on and you resort to what is comfortable for you two. You snuggled, flirt and kiss with each other and send messages that you may not be interested in swinging or at the very least swinging with us.

A single person or a couple cannot spend the entire night talking to and focusing on their spouse and expect ‘strangers’ to want to fuck them later in the room. You have to build a want or desire to be with the potential partner or it won’t happen in most cases.

I say most cases, because some people simply do not care how a person treats them as long as they get some strange sex… but those with some degree of self-respect actually enjoy believing that the person they are going to have sex with want to have sex with them.

The reference to the single person means when on a hall pass – even if it is a get to meet before we fuck hall pass, going on and on about your spouse and what all you guys like/do on in general does not build the want/desire between you and the person you are on the hall pass with… the other person may think you feel guilty and would rather be with your spouse than them… think about it.

If you cannot tear yourself away from your spouse either physically or verbally during the date with the other person(s), you are sharing this message – “I really don’t want to fuck you, I’d rather be with my spouse.”

Now, I guess I need to mention that I am not talking about ignoring your spouse completely. I am not talking about finding a replacement… I am talking about as a swinger you are dating others to fuck them… or at least – wanting to ‘date’ them enough to fuck them… all that depends on how much dating you feel is necessary… I mean for some people, myself included at house parties and events… I don’t need to date you to fuck you… and I guess that does carry over to the ‘dreaded dates’… I don’t need to date you a long time to know if I want to fuck you… make your move already and enjoy the rewards of your work.

However, many couples have a mindset that they both have to have the same level of connection with all parties. Great if you want to be a foursome constantly… like in a poly relationship… but for the most part, you have to be able to communicate on a level that matches in order for desire to build. He has to like him just as much as he likes her and vice versa… I have to ask why?

Why does he have to like him as much as her if he is straight and does not want to fuck him?

Yes, it is nice if both males can converse and enjoy being in the same room… but do they really have to have the same level of whatever it is people think they need for me and the other husband to fuck?

I don’t think so.

I also don’t think I have to be all hot and bothered over the other wife. Yes, I am bi, but I am not one of those girls who will kiss and lick a girl just because they are present. If my hubby wants to fuck the other wife senseless because he finds her hot… then go for it… she and I do not need to be on the same level of whatever it is supposed to be… I can happily get along with everyone for the few hours we will be together without having to be deeply invested in her right off the bat.

When I am on a date with another couple, I want to date the guy I am hoping to fuck. I want to date him and enjoy flirting with him and building that desire with him so that when we head to the hotel room or our house, the awkwardness of what to do next is not there… we want so much that we move on to what we need without all the worry about what the other two are doing…

That may start with kissing… and kissing… and kissing some more… and then removing of clothes… and not having a fucking clue what the other two are doing because we are so caught up in the fun of us being together…

And yes, with a quick glance at the other two… we see the same thing happening there… if we happen to be in the same room… LOL.

Hope you are having a wonderful sexually social adventure…

Sophia

 

Have No Idea… But Here Goes

I have no idea what I will be talking about in this post. I have a number of things going on in my head… not sure all of them can come out and make sense… but here are a few things…

Someday I will finish… 

I was digging in my blog to see what I have written about and what I still haven’t approached… I found a helluva lot of started drafts… I started them and then stopped… and that made me think about why haven’t I finished them…

Some of the topics are a bit well, I am not sure if the timing would be right… maybe I have to work up to them… or have to get the information in them verified… or have to do more research….. or it is a story that is really quite hot… one that I have to be able to read before I cum to do the edits on them…

But there are many that I have started and have yet to finish…

Someone asked me why a number of my stories – the sexy ones… remain unfinished yet, I mention I will be finishing them… Well, if I am honest… I am working on a book that incorporates my stories and characters… it is going to be a collection of independent short stories that are all connected… in one book. That takes some work there guys… it is a lot harder than one thinks…

So why not finish the stories on the blog?

Well, would you buy the book if you already know how the stories end?

Yeah, didn’t think so… but I have been mapping the book out… just need to find the time to do the rest of the writing, editing, and all that other good stuff that makes a book so hot that you can’t put it down… even when you are about to cum…

Yeah, get a kindle, you can have the book read the stories to you… cool idea huh?

Hands free and still hear the story…. talk about a great opportunity… I know the little spot on my desk chair that is formed in this one particular fashion that if I rock my hips back and forth… tilt my pelvis so the clit hits that one particular point… yeah, I can cum while writing these hot stories…

But anyways…

I love when people email me, text me, and make comments on here so they can let me know what they think of my blog posts… love the interaction…

And here is something else… I love it when people suggest ideas for my blog. A few times I have had a post in my draft box that I finished just because someone mentioned they wanted to read about that particular topic…. I was so excited to have someone say that what I was wondering about or wanting to discuss was on their minds too.

Now being a lover of words… yes flattery is nice… compliments are nice… I love them… who doesn’t… but hey, gotta warn you… if you write something in the email, comments, or texts that doesn’t sit right for me, I will most definitely mention my opinion on the matter…

It is just how I am. I am not going to just let a ‘thing’ go unsaid just because you complimented me… I strive to be honest in my opinions and to set the record straight on an issue that I feel needs that to happen…

Flirting….

I have gotten a few comments about the flirting post I wrote… I found it interesting because of the manner in which it opened a few people’s eyes as to what they love about flirting and what they are missing from their lives…

It is the connection that is made when one flirts… that really goes a long way in building another person’s esteem. Not saying that people are walking around with the lowest self esteem ever and you are the only one building it up… but when someone does take the time to flirt or just notice you… your self esteem does notch itself up a bit and that makes a person feel good…

You got to love it when you feel good and it causes a chain reaction…

A few of you mentioned that you get that… and I am very glad… it is one of those pay it forward type of things..

Pettiness…. 

I find it amazing what people get upset about in the lifestyle… sometimes the most insignificant issues are made to be colossal issues and you walk around like… WTH happened.

Like making a decision about who you will allow to remain in a group that is not active in the group and never has been active in a group. Why does it bother you that they were removed from the group? They didn’t talk to you… hell they didn’t talk to anyone in the group. It is hard to make friends with someone who just acts creepy by being present in the group watching and collecting information and not share anything.

It comes down to the level of risk one wants in a group… I feel that if they all contribute the same amount of risk… by sharing words and pics in the group we have less to worry about.. not nothing… but less.

The risk is the same in general terms when all share about the same….

So to be upset and act like a petty asshole… because I took a stand… and the majority of the folks are happy that I took the stand… makes you seem like such…. well an asshole…

And in the swinger world… that takes you off the eligibility list… for everything… meeting… hanging out… playing….

Why on earth would anyone when you show your asshole behavior so openly about something so damn petty…

There are a few issues hanging out in this group… most of them due to pettiness… I try very hard to give the benefit of the doubt and throw them a bone to get back on track… but it doesn’t seem to work… the only thing I can do is hope they either change or move on…. hoping for the change… but expecting them to move on… and that is sad. This should be fun folks… not what you are making it out to be… this group should be an opportunity to flirt, get to know each other, and you know what… build relationships… however the relationships pan out… friends, friends with benefits… or just hanging out buddies… the opportunity to be there for others and share some fun time in and out of the bed… yeah, that is what this is supposed to be, not all this petty shit… playing games and acting petty and assholish….

Opportunities…. How Likely Are You To Take ‘Em?

I love being open to new possibilities no matter when and where… doesn’t mean I go forth with all the opportunities presented… but why not investigate them to see what will happen…

There have been some opportunities that have been wonderful and some that have not be so wonderful…. whether during the actual opportunity or immediately after… and no I am not talking about taking one for the team… I am talking about you tried something and you thought… hmm, I don’t want to try that again… or him or her.

The opportunities I have taken and didn’t turn out as I hoped are not mistakes in my book… they are learning experiences… I find out what I can learn from those opportunities and hopefully I learn what not to do… how to avoid it… how to expect the unexpected… and so on… If it is something that comes back to how I did something in error… I hope that I have the decency to admit my error and avoid blaming others.

I have talked with folks that are very scared to take on new opportunities presented to them with all their hearts and passion. They state that they are afraid to give it their all because they may not like the expanding of their safe boundaries. I get that… and I asked… what is the worse that can happen?

Which leads me to my favorite saying… “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”

I have had some remarkable opportunities and dreams come true following that line of thinking…

Profiles Your Spouse Knows Nothing About

I received an email from someone and in that email it spoke of some profound clarification on a few things in this person’s life and how a few of these things made a huge difference on how this person sees their life.

Here is the thing… when a spouse is not aware of a profile on a sex site for swingers… no matter what profound lessons you learn… you are still lying and cheating on your spouse.

To contact others… male or female about your profound insights while hiding these profiles from your spouse is bad…

BAD I TELL YOU!

I am glad I helped you see inside yourself and realized what it is that you have been missing in your life…. I am glad that you see my blog as informative, witty, sexy, or whatever else you say in your email…

But I have to ask you this question…

Are you lying to me?

Seriously… Are you lying to me?

You don’t know me… why would I believe you are telling the truth… you aren’t being honest with your spouse….

How likely are you to be honest with me… a stranger you have no ties too…

That brings me to this very important point… why are you trying to swing when you can’t really swing?

In my humble opinion… a married person who does not tell their spouse they have an account is not swinging… they are cheating… yes, even if you are just looking for companionship or communication…

Cheating is not the same as swinging and never will be… it is cheating emotionally and physically. it is sad and pathetic… and it is dangerous to a marriage and to those you are swinging/cheating with…

I really wish cheaters would realize this and stop getting on swinger sites…

Swingers are not individuals with no morals… no commitment to their spouses… no ability to hold a marriage sacred…

Swingers choose as a couple a married couple to have sex with others… this may be in the following ways…

  • same room/same bed
  • same room/different bed (hotel usually)
  • different room (obviously different beds)
  • hall passes
  • at house parties
  • at clubs
  • in poly relationships – however you define that…

But the key here is that they are communicating about what they want sexually from others in addition to their spouse…

A cheater hides all their wants and needs from their spouse, goes on sites without their knowledge and cheats on them…

But that is just my take on this… other opinions may vary… but oh well….

Hope you are having a wonderful sexually social adventure……

Sophia