Tag Archives: poly

Sexually Social Experiment… Hmm….

I have been thinking of this blog post for a while… and been hesitant to post it because for this purpose of a sexually social experiment…. hmm… this may have been an epic fail.

But I am the type of person who does not give up easily… whether it is because I am made out of grit and determination (a good thing right?) or because I am too stubborn to know when to give up…

A while back ago I wrote about poly relationships and the thrill I have of seeing where this would go… I mentioned I would not seek a guy out… the situation would have to present itself…

It did.

Twice.

AND OMG…

I will admit that little actually happened with these two men other than exploring the idea of poly..

And here is where the problems or road blocks happened…

The lack of understanding of poly…

Now, in just the manner in which the person defines poly seemed to mean something different than the actual meaning of “many”. To one guy, poly meant ‘drop hubby and be with me alone’.

No matter how I defined poly… as in Me, Hubby, and another man… he could only hear the odd little translation of ME AND HIM AND NOT HUBBY…

Gotta learn how to speak proper English…

So when I finally got him to understand the definition of poly… and believe me when I tell you that at this point I had no intention of doing poly with him… OMG… stupidity is not his best feature… but when he finally figured out that he is not poly material… he decided to announce it to a group we were chatting with… on a day that was horribly stressful to me… (a medical issue requiring a bit of a biopsy)… OMG…

I decided to channel my inner dom… and told him what a worthless piece of shit he was… and that was the nicest thing I could say…. I was calm while writing my feelings about him… but OMG… what a huge epic fail…

It was so not the experience I thought it would be… I, maybe naively, thought that to have another man who wanted to have a relationship with me… would be an added enjoyment not a bunch of bullshit drama…

The second guy… this is a long ass story… and not all of it will be mentioned here.. but needless to say… it also ended… oddly…

He was all for the sanctity of our marriages… not leaving one for another… but having it as a bonus… more added to the existing relationships…

So far so good right?

I tell my husband all of this as it goes along… no secrets… he reads my blog so he knows of what I am thinking. We also talk. No secrets…

This man who wants to have a poly relationship with me can’t tell his wife. He can’t text me when I text him because she maybe nearby.

We discuss this. He decides to tell his wife that he wants to fuck me.

Awesome. She texts me that she knows he wants to fuck me. They have great sex talking about him fucking me.

YIPPEE….

However, he fails to tell her that he wants a poly relationship with me.

We try to arrange a time to meet and have sex. I offer all kinds of days and times. None work for him.

We have conversations… but most of the time, I have to start the texting otherwise he won’t text me.

WTF?

I am sorry… but I don’t want to do all the heavy lifting in a relationship. Meaning… why do I have to start every single conversation? Why do I have to ask him questions to get a conversation started (he says, ask me a question WTF) and then I get a one word answer.

I ask him if we can meet at such and such day and time and I won’t get a response back for half a day, two days, or more…

So I am getting tired of this…

Our last conversation was about whether or not I would like to get pregnant by him… There are 5 barriers to this question… as in 5 medical things have happened between the two of us that would make getting pregnant a miracle of the most incredible kind… (I will let you wonder about the things like snipping, and other things that could keep a woman from getting pregnant)…

But the conversation was ridiculous in my mind… I have a good imagination but I can’t think about something this crazy when I know it can’t happen. So… I ask him what his feelings are for me that would make him want to get me pregnant so we would have a tie for the rest of our lives?

His response… He will tell me in person.

That was the last bit of communication we had… nothing else…

So… that is fucking odd to me…

He wouldn’t text me because remember I told you if I don’t text him he doesn’t text me… I waited a full 24 hours to see if he would text me at all after that last text from him…

Not a damn thing…

OMG…

I realize that I left out much detail (and you would be so happy if you knew the detail I didn’t add)…. but does that make any sense…

It wasn’t going to work because he couldn’t be honest with his wife about wanting a poly relationship…

But still… who just stops communicating with someone they claim they have strong feelings for and want to have a baby with?????

I am sitting here laughing hard while writing this because all the details I left out were so hilarious… OMG…

The real question here is… do I want to be in a poly relationship still?

Yes, I would love it…

The man has to be… well of a certain caliber of…. whatever it takes to have a relationship with a married woman and know that she is married… but yes, I would if the right man wandered in my path…

I would continue on this sexually social experiment…

Hope you are having a wonderful sexually social adventure…

Sophia

Have No Idea Where This Will Lead…

This morning I woke up from a sleep that was really good for me and that is not a common experience for me… I usually am awake while I am dreaming as in I can be dreaming and wake up to re-position myself in bed and still continue the dream but then fall back asleep… and the cycle continues… It is not really that much fun… but it is what it is… and when I have a dream in which I am actually deep asleep and wake up knowing I slept hard…

You think I would wake up refreshed… nope. It makes me more tired during the day… less motivated to work… and all that other good stuff…

I guess my body wants more deep sleep and is fighting me to give it to it….

I have accomplished a lot of work today despite my best efforts not to work… but isn’t that how it all goes…

Wrote about poly in the last post… Got some interesting comments from the post and well, that sparked a number of thoughts going through my head.

One person spoke about the jealousy she felt just talking about sharing her husband with another woman… yet, she does all the time when swings… but the thought of sharing him in a different way… the emotional connections…

Got me wondering… isn’t there an emotional commitment of some sort with each partner you have?

Hear me out on this for a minute…

When you have sex with someone you spent any amount of time getting to know, there is an emotional commitment, to a small degree, but it is there…

Certainly not the same as when you officially date as in boyfriend/girlfriend prior to marriage… but there is an emotional connection there. Not one that will replace the spouse you have been with… but it is there…

This is where another person started to talk about the guilt felt about the emotional connection she feels with her partners… I asked about the guilt… what did she mean the guilt she felt….

The conversation was interesting as she wondered why she felt guilt and yet she knew she felt guilt. She didn’t know where the guilt moved in from, but it did.

We talked about how open she was with her husband and she was very open with him. However, she often wished she could hold a few things back from him. Nothing bad, but sometimes just the fact she has doesn’t have to tell him who she is texting while texting ┬áthe person so she can have something all hers for a moment.

I understood completely what she was saying. It kinda ruins the flow of the chat if you have to stop and explain everything. And you feel like you are being rude to one to respond to the other…

She said exactly. It’s not like she would not tell him, but she just wanted the moment herself.

For right now.

We talked about how this may appear secretive but in reality its not as it all gets discussed eventually, but it is more wanting to keep it personal. To keep it theirs for a moment…

And yes, that is an emotional connection. It may not mean that they are keeping secrets or it is leading to the break up of the marriage… but there is something that people wish they could enjoy together and not necessarily with everyone right away.

I get that… it is why hall passes are a favorite of mine.

I like to play with someone on my own terms… like to spend time focusing on him and only him. Not worrying if everyone else is on the same page… if we can play as long as we want without having someone feel like we are spending too much time keeping up or slowing down for the other part…

She said her husband worries that she will be too attached to her other person… she mentioned that she doesn’t see how it is different. He doesn’t know what they all say when they whisper to each other in the same bed or room or in separate rooms… and she mentioned that she whispers so as to not distract the other woman and her husband. Not to keep secrets.

We talked about how people seem to think that if you do not want to share what you talk about in great details it is keeping secrets… she added that her husband doesn’t care about all the details of every conversation she has with nilla people but will demand to know the details about the entire conversation with a LS person.

She finds that annoying as hell. They talk about trust but he doesn’t really trust her if he has to know it all about LS not nilla and quizzes her constantly.

I can certainly understand that… its like what you say honestly is questioned but if you made up a lie you would be believed.

She has done hall passes before. She is like me and loves the one on one attention. She loves being the center of his attention and not having him worry about his wife. The sex is a lot more free and expressive between them. More open to exploration. Less anxiety about whether she was going to make someone mad if she expressed how much she liked what he was doing.

Amen to that… fully agree.

She read the blog post and had to agree that she could love other men while still loving her husband. She mentioned how she thinks it may wear her out… and not physically but just making her tired of having to reassure her husband. She sees that as a full time job. Letting him know of every conversation she has with others, constantly telling him of whom she is talking too. Admitting so much of the details that he otherwise just doesn’t care about…

I asked her would she if given the opportunity, found the person who wanted to do this poly thing with her, despite all the explaining she would have to do…. would she do poly?

She wasted no time by saying yes! YES! YES! YES!

She has love to share… she feels she has enough love for ┬ámore than one man.. would she want more than two… who knows… but for now, a second man to share her love and passion with… she would in a heartbeat.

I asked her if she was looking for a man…

Nope. Like me if it is to happen it will… the right man would want this as much as her…

What about her husband?

She isn’t sure, he knows of her desire. He has said he is okay with it… then she retells of his constant need for reassurance.

She has to admit, she has no desire for another woman being a part of the poly relationship, between him/her/her… he could have a poly relationship with another woman… she would be okay with that, but she didn’t want to have to have the intimate relationship with her…

I asked why?

She said, much like me… who the hell wants another woman and her hormones messing up the already present hormonal balance… or imbalance… we both laughed… then she mentioned, he doesn’t appreciate her when she is out of balance…. LOL.

Ideally, she would love to have the two men live next door to each other… maybe a carport between the houses she didn’t have to get wet when going back and forth… I laughed, she must have thought about this a lot… she said she has….

In a serious moment… she said, there is just a part of me that is not whole… this other person can bring what is missing…

I asked her what is missing…

Additional love….

Couldn’t agree more…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure no matter where it leads…

Sophia

Would You, Could You, Have You…. Poly…

If I were to care nothing about the state of my boy’s mental health, I could see having a couple husbands along the lines of sister wives but what would that be called – brother husbands…. hmm, just not the same flow as sister wives… but I could get used to how that sounds on my tongue…. our boys are in their 20s so it is a bit different for them now if I suddenly said… hey boys, wanna come to my husband number 3 wedding…. they know nothing of our adventures… and well, that may not be the best way to break the news to them….

I do not think I could be a sister wife….

Not because I would be jealous of the shared attention… but more that I would be annoyed greatly by the ‘behaviors typical of women’ all through the month…. yeah, not a fan of myself sometimes during the month… couldn’t imagine sharing that with other woman….

We will blame it on my birth order, gender make up of the family and the gender of my children…

I was a middle child…. only girl… younger brother much younger like 7-8 years younger… older brother 3 years older…. I have two sons… I have been the only girl with the exception of my mother in my family… and my mother and I share a lot of crap and some of it is the hormonal crap…. I tell you what… that was not a fun time when mom… well, anyways, I am sure you can figure it out… let that imagination run wild…

Yeah, I am a wonderful person… unless I am not… if my hormones control me… I hate being by ME and can’t imagine what mental illness my husband has that caused him to remain by me for 26 years… LOL…… okay, maybe a little sainthood, but let’s not go overboard… he isn’t the easiest person to live with either…. seems our ‘cycles’ still haven’t synced up yet… 26 years and you would think it would… when he is an ass I am happy as a lark… when I…. well, why go and admit that I can be a bitch sometimes…. it would ruin the image I am trying…. who the hell am I kidding….. surely you read my blog posts… I am human… imperfect in all my glory… LOL. Don’t worry, my ego is really in check… honest…

Seriously… I couldn’t imagine being one of 3 or 4 wives of one man… but I can certainly see myself with more than one husband….

Now, if those husbands did not live in the same house with me… all the better…. maybe if we were lucky… we could have each one live a block or two from the other….

I am really seeing some great benefits here… lots of variety… in men, homes, hmm, I am liking this a lot…. with them all being a few blocks from each other… less travel time more together time… and think about the gang bang I could have with them all… oh my, I am liking this a lot…. lol

I wrote a series of posts about ‘What’s Love Got To Do With It?” (there are 4 parts to that series). I truly believe you can love more than one person equally and differently at the same time.

I love my oldest son in a very different manner than I love my youngest son. But I could not tell you which one I love more….

I believe that if I had 12 children that feeling would be the same…. I love them differently but equal.

I imagine that is the same for multiple partners…. and I am not talking the once and done or maybe a handful of play times you see in the lifestyle…

Multiple partners as in a boyfriend or girlfriend or if allowed depending on where you live… multiple spouses at the same time…

Since where I live you can’t do that…. marry more than one person at a time… the idea of poly moves from multiple spouses to a spouse and a spare or two as in boyfriend or girlfriend….

I would go for the boyfriend thing despite being bisexual…. I love to play with woman who I find attractive but I have said it before and will again… I am a woman and know what women are like… and while I could have great emotional attachment to women and do…. I could not live with one in a emotional and sexual relationship. But if I have a boyfriend and hubby has a separate from the boyfriend I have – girlfriend… oooh, we could satisfy my bi itch…. the benefits keep multiplying….

I had college roommates and roommates after college that well… were women… and fucking drove me nuts….

You see too much crazy that you can identify with and want to escape and well you can’t…

But back to the poly thingy….

I could do poly with men…. I could see myself emotionally and sexually in a relationship where we are connected at a deeper level than just the occasional fuck we have on our sexually social adventure…

Does that mean I am looking for a ‘man’ to take on the role of my boyfriend?

Nope…. I don’t look for people for a purpose… I never have. I don’t search for someone or some type of person. Haven’t done that ever in my life… it is more random than that…

So am I looking for a poly relationship?

Nope… but I am open to one.

Does that make sense?

To me it does. If I find a person who I have a connection with and they with me and we both want a deeper connection and a lasting connection… and this is where it leads… I will embrace it with open arms…

However, I won’t look for one…

Why?

Because when I have an idea and a mission/goal/target/whatever you want to add…. I become so focused on that… that I miss other things that happen around me…

If I was looking for a boyfriend I would miss that one guy who has been around waiting for me to notice him….

Isn’t that how life goes… you look for something so hard that you miss what is right there in front of your face…

I have heard a number of people talk about poly lately in many different ways… mostly how the poly relationship seems to start when they are not looking for it with someone they never imagined they would have it with…

So that made me wonder… would you be involved in a poly relationship?

Could you be in a poly relationship?

Have you been in a poly relationship?

Is there any rules you think of when you think of poly?

I know that many who have commented on it talk about poly as in – the bad things I deal with already with my spouse would be multiplied…. who wants two bitchy wives…. I already have to beg for sex with her… why would I want to beg two women for sex…

Well, because you know this is me… and I probably have an opinion on their comments…. Here it is… maybe it isn’t the wife that is a bitch but you being an asshole….

And this is coming from a woman who doesn’t want to have a live in relationship with a woman…. LOL

But if the two of you are swingers and she doesn’t want to have sex with you, maybe it is you…. just saying… or maybe it is because she knows you bitch about her on the forums or chat or in person….

There may be other reasons you don’t want poly… practical ones… you couldn’t afford two households…

You work hard each day and sex with one woman/man already wears you out….

You have children with your husband… who will take care of them if you are with your boyfriend…

Yes, my examples are going from one gender perspective to another… and why don’t we admit I am putting some sterotypes in there….

Why am I doing that?

Because the responses I received were those above by others…. not me.

I think if you are likely to be in a poly relationship you would not go towards worrying about the financial and chore splitting first thing…. I think you would rather consider the emotional and sexual components of a poly relationship.

There are people in this world who have no desire to be parents… they do not want the hassle or burden of children. Their mindset tells you right off they are not parent material. However, one can usually say that a person who wants to have children do not consider all the financial and physical ramifications first in their minds when they picture themselves with children… they figure it will work out…. if they love their children with all their hearts, it will work out….

Now, we are not debating the reality versus dream of this example… the good, the bad, the ugly and all the exceptions to that rule… what we are discussing that if a person is open to children they think of the children they will have and love and if the person is not open to children they will think of all the other things that come with the children and it is largely negative….

The same is for poly…

If you are open to poly… you will look at the benefits of this relationship… you will look towards how each person will benefit and not focus on the details of who, when, where, how often, how much will it cost and so on….

One is a heart issue and one is a head issue… doesn’t mean that the person who is interested in poly cannot think of those ‘head’ issues… but they find they have other things that are more important and that is largely finding a person they love and feel comfortable sharing all parts of their lives…

Now, I am sure there are couples out there where one part is more poly than the other… or maybe one is poly – friendly and the other is NO POLY EVER….

But I wonder how many of us would love to have another person in our lives that loves us unconditionally and we met on a swinging website… or elsewhere but welcomed them into our lives with our spouse being on board… understanding that you have room in your heart for more than one person… love them differently but equally….

And that last sentence may be the ‘thing’ that kills this whole subject for many…. “EQUALLY”. How could I replace the love of my spouse with someone else equally???? The mother/father of my children…..

Gonna go ahead and step out on a limb… if that is your first reaction…. then you are not poly material….

LOL

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure where ever it leads….

Sophia