In a lifestyle where drama is taboo, is there room for second chances?
I think that is a good question. It is also a timely question for me. Is there room for second chances if you have a firm stance on drama?
I guess you have to ask yourself and understand exactly what constitutes drama. For me, it is as individual as the individual. There is much that one does that can be seen as quirky to some and drama to the others. Just as beauty is to the eye of the beholder… drama is drama to the eye of the beholder… okay so that doesn’t fall into place as smoothly as I had hoped… but you get the picture… what I see as drama is not necessarily what you see as drama and therefore it leaves us in a conundrum. Can you give someone a second chance after drama if drama is such a fluid term?
In my case, I am a polly anna type of person and will give second chances before I ‘drop’ them for their drama. I am the type of person who will give the benefit of the doubt. Often until we leave your presence and then I talk with hubby, get his opinion and then decide if we are done.
If we are in agreement we are done, we are done. Simple as that to us. We are not interested in the drama – however we define drama. But what if time has passed and the opportunity for a second chance comes along…. would you be willing?
I used to be really bad at holding grudges. Now, I am just sorta bad at holding grudges… LOL. Not really holding grudges… more like once bitten, twice shy. Why would you want to put yourself through the same shit another time. Yet, we do that often because I think it is in our nature to want to give people the opportunity to grow and change and be better versions of themselves.
We had one party where a couple acted up… mild drama but drama nonetheless. I was told of it but not directly party to it… we gave a second chance. We had drama again at the next party they were at… different drama outwardly… but the same underlying issue caused the drama. Does it matter if they admit they caused drama the first time but don’t the second?
To me it does. The second time it directly affected me. To do such a thing and crawl out the door with your tail between your legs and not apologize to me then or after… I think that is a sign of a person who knows what they did is wrong but refuses to acknowledge it because they do not want to address the real issue. Whether you term it embarrassment or something else as to why they didn’t address it… in the electronic times we live in, they didn’t have to say something face to face. But they needed to say something. They are not willing to stop their behaviors and it will likely continue with everyone they meet. The two times we meet and both times drama ensues.
I believe this is very different from when someone causes a bit-o-drama say two years ago when certain issues in their everyday life causes emotions to come boiling over. I believe without those same ‘everyday life’ situations it opens one up to opportunity for growth and changing what went wrong from happening. In those cases, second chances are beneficial to all as it will open doors to new relationships. And if you are just in this for sport fucking… that is the relationship I am referring to here.
It can develop into a deeper relationship such as friendship.
I have interactions with many people within this sexually social adventure I am on… I have few real friends. Would I turn down an opportunity to have a real friendship develop? No, I would not. However, I would move into that relationship with my eyes wide open. That once bitten, twice shy thing again. Who wouldn’t. I mean if you walked out into a busy street with cars coming at you and you get hit… don’t you think you would stop and look to see if it is safe to cross the next time?
I think it is the same thing. Just because you want to give some one second chances doesn’t mean you simply forget all the history you have between you. It is just not possible. You cannot forget what you have gone through. You can forgive people and you can make a point not to dwell on everything they did in the past and expect those same behaviors to crop up every time they do or say something.
That is the key, to forgive is easy, to forget impossible, to move on optimal.
So should the question be can you move on – move forward… really move forward?
Like I said… to forgive is easy… yes, I know there are a few things that many feel are unforgivable…. like rape, molestation, murder, abuse of any kind… but we aren’t talking about that… we are talking about drama in the lifestyle… someone getting jealous that you are enjoying sex with their spouse in the same bed next to them… and acting like a jealous bitch.. not murdering your spouse while you are forced to watch… so is there really anything within the drama definition you set that is so bad you cannot give a second chance?
I am not saying you have to give a second chance. I am just wondering if there is something so bad in the drama that you can’t give a second chance. I mean, I do not enjoy the drama…
I will drop someone because of the drama… in a heartbeat
But if asked for a second chance, could you give it?
Would you want to?
What would make you consider giving a second chance?
In my last post I mentioned my dysfunctional family. I have given them all a number, large number of chances to get their shit straight. They chose not too… I stopped giving them chances and have no contact with them other than once or twice a year a few texts from my little brother. I can avoid drama and the drama makers with the best of them… but I always wonder… are we harder on other swingers than we should be when we put it all into context?
Just something to think about while I am preparing a new story…. it is a story based on a fantasy I was told about…
Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure….