I think a lot about the reasons people text others. Me, I would much rather have an actual phone call rather than an endless story or conversation via text. I get bored watching the top of the KIK screen that says NAME TYPING… forever. I get tired of waiting for the rest of the conversation… and it may be minutes or hours or days for the rest of the conversation to happen… I get why people want to text in general… but I wonder why people choose to text versus calling someone… especially swingers.
I know that much of this is due to the fact that people text during work… and having a phone call is not always feasible… but at the same time… if texting while working is a risk… as is a phone call… then why do you text at all during work?
I wonder why people decide to text and not really say much at all? My list of words that fucking annoy the shit out of me… is when someone starts a conversation with “Hey, What’s Up?”
I am not sure why those words annoy the shit out of me… but when you randomly text me and start off with ‘Hey, What’s Up?’ it kinda screams – I am bored and thought I would bore you…
Let’s face it… Hey what’s up is never going to win any literary contests nor is it a great catalyst for the conversation starter of the year… and oddly enough… more and more men have been texting that to me lately… I have found less and less time to talk to them… seriously… I am not sure how come they think this is going to get me to want to talk to them…
I asked someone who sends me hey what’s up texts a lot why they send this… He didn’t understand my question. I asked him… what motivates you to text me? He said he likes to talk to me. I asked him… so do you ever think that HEY or What’s up? is a shitty opening line? He said, not really… I am usually just sitting here watching TV or bored and thought about chatting with you…
Just as I figured.
You are bored and you thought of wasting time texting with me…
How is that supposed to make me feel? How is that supposed to make anyone feel?
I will tell you… not so good. I am often quite busy when people are bored and decide to text me… I make time to respond to them if at all possible… and to be told that “I was bored and thought I would waste time chatting with you and HEY or WHAT’S UP is all I could come up with… well, you know what… not so much for the ego… for me or anyone… could you actually say you would like to be told… “Hey, I am bored shitless… I am seeing if you are available to help me waste time… and, well, I have nothing to talk about… so I am going to make sure you are fucking bored while you text me…”
I am going to say this and please understand… I mean it for the best reasons…
Do not text people, people you want to fuck, have fucked and want to fuck again, or want to meet, simply because you are bored. They will know it by the quality (lack of quality) of your texts… most of the time, the person you are texting is not as bored as you are… and will actually being doing something… and you are in fact wasting their time… and that is not very sexy.
I asked another person why he texts me… This person and I have had a long and often ‘duty’ text relationship on his side… I seriously stopped talking to him via text… unfriended him on a site… and felt so much better after doing so… he read a forum post a while back and started to initiate conversation again… this time… his texts have a purpose, are conversational, and go back and forth between us as in two way communication. He learned the hard way, that my time is just as valuable as his… and not to fucking waste my time. His ‘morning’ texts were duty or task oriented… and he got upset when morning didn’t stimulate a long and exciting conversation… Now, he puts forth some real effort… so when I asked him why he texts me… he said… I feel like we are good friends and I enjoy talking with you, hearing your opinions, hearing what is going on in your life, and you are always willing to listen to all the shit going on in my life. That is a great reason to text someone…
Do you text someone for sexting non-stop 24/7?
I have had a number of guys randomly send me a text wanting to sext and then get upset that I can’t sext them… I am sorry, I am driving, I am in the middle of a presentation, I am in the middle of… doesn’t matter what I am in the middle of… it is not like I am on call 24/7 to start a sexting conversation just because you want me to be ready at a drop of a text.
I am not sure why people think I (and others they contact randomly) are available for a quick conversation to get them off… you can listen to all kinds of erotica stories told to you… you can read erotica at any time online… hell, you can read some of my stories if you want something that is connected directly to me… but fuck… if you think I am going to be able to help you jack off at any given time… I am not sure where you got that idea… but I am not your girl. While I like it when a conversation gets very sexy… if I am cleaning the house, trying to meet a deadline, about to go into a presentation or on the road… it ain’t happening… I don’t have time to text the shit out of sexy conversation while driving… and my mind certainly is not into sex or sexting you 24/7.
I asked a few others why they text me… and the answers were interesting and telling… I also asked a few… do you play games when texting?
I had to explain what I meant about that… but it mainly was about, do you while texting… only text someone when you want to brag about a conquest… don’t return their text right away to see if they will continue to text you… don’t return texts right away to make the person want you more because you don’t text right away… or you tell the person to text you to see if they will text you or if they expect you to always start the texts?
I got a lot of interesting responses… a few tried to turn the table on to me and blame me for the last question above… but let’s start with the first one…
Yes, they will text someone they know has more adventures than they do and brag about their adventures hoping to look better in that person’s eyes… I had to admit I have seen this a lot… and it annoys me… you can tell when a person is going through the motions of pretending to care about the answers they asked to get the conversation going… and then suddenly, they start talking all about them… to the point, the text conversation is box after box of their comments and few responses from the other person… literally sending detail after detail for an hour a more and the only thing the person has said is ‘nice’, ‘cool’ or ‘awesome’ and not much else… you lost the person… you are being ignored by the person… and you have no fucking clue… because all you wanted to do is brag… and the person doesn’t give a shit… not one bit…
Yes, we may both be on a sexually social adventure… but you have to ask… do they want to hear every minute detail about your adventure? Your adventure in general… probably… every single minute and boring detail… not really…
When I shared that opinion to someone who does that to me every single time we talk… he admitted that he never asked himself if he was boring me. I asked why? He said… you will hate me when I tell you the truth… I said… you won’t know until you tell me… He said… I don’t give a shit if you were bored. I wanted to brag about it… and whether or not you cared doesn’t matter. I asked him if he saw me as someone he wants to fuck or just a ‘buddy’ like another guy to share the sex details with? He said… we live so far away and the likelihood of us meeting and fucking is slim… so yeah, I am more like one of the guys that he can tell anything too…
I am glad he thinks of me as ‘one of the guys’… yeah right… what girl wants to be ‘one of the guys’? Not as exciting as you would think it is… Doesn’t matter if I would want to fuck him if we were closer to each other… when a girl or guy reaches that level of friendship… the sexual chemistry generally dies down or is lost… I asked him if he realized that… He said he has done that to a number of women he texts… how often do you fuck them? He said a few he fucked and then started texting them like this and haven’t fucked them since… Why not I asked… he said probably because I treat them like one of the guys and not someone I really want to fuck.
Bingo I said.
I asked 5 guys – do you text someone back quickly or do you make them wait on purpose? You know like, you are not doing anything at the time…actually looking for something to do… but you wait at least 5 to 10 minutes… or longer to respond?
Four of the five guys say they do on a regular basis… they want to appear to be so busy and that they are doing the texter a favor responding to them because they are so busy.
I had to ask if they get upset if someone does not respond to them quickly?
All 5 of them said yes.
I then asked, do you play games with them if they don’t respond quickly?
All 5 of them said, they didn’t really see it as games, but yes, they will pretend to be too busy to respond even in the middle of a text conversation… making that person wait and 3 said they will time how long it takes for someone to read and respond to a text… (when I say text – this includes KIK where you can see them typing back.)
I asked them if they thought it was quite childish to play such games? No, they didn’t see it as childish… but they did admit that it wasn’t the most mature thing to do.
So if something isn’t mature… it is… CHILDISH… glad you guys could muddy the waters there…
I asked all 5 how many times they have done it to me… One admitted he has never done it to me as I appear to respond rather quickly during a conversation and will generally tell him if I am too busy. Two said that they do it often – one of those because he knows I have a lot of people I text and he likes to be the center of the attention of the person he is texting… the other one said, he does it to everyone… including me. The other two said that they didn’t want to answer it because they felt I would be upset and then not answer their texts quickly in the future.
Whenever I begin texting anyone – male or female – for any reason… I tell the person I rarely initiate texts… I don’t. Rarely. Not never… but rarely. Here is why.
- I work from home or travel for work and my schedule is a bit more flexible.
- I do not have a boss or co-worker who could see me using my phone too much
- I do not have a work policy that forbids texting
- I do not have to hide the fact I text a lot of people from my husband
- I do not have to censor my texts so my husband doesn’t get mad
I have nothing to hide from anyone – well, the content is hidden from my adult kids – but they never use my phone… and they aren’t living with us… so I really have nothing to hide from anyone…
My schedule is flexible… but not wide open to text constantly… but because I have more flexibility – I get up very early in the morning and get a whole shit load of work done quickly and early… I have no idea what your schedule is… and depending on the time zone… and your workplace… and your spouse.
I can’t tell you how many times I find out that the people I text do not have permission to text others… or not about the things they are texting… and not as often as they are texting me…
So, I rarely text people first because
- I don’t like to be ignored when I text too early for their time zone
- I don’t like to be the cause of ‘awkward’ moments when I text when you are with your spouse and your spouse doesn’t know we text
- I don’t like to interrupt you at work and possibly put your work in jeopardy
- I don’t like to be ignored because it is dinner time, drive time, whatever you are doing where you are too busy to text me…
However, this does not mean that I am sitting at home hoping and praying someone texts me. I am busy…whether working from home, traveling, or working on volunteer projects… or with family or with swinger activities… I am a busy girl…
So when someone gets upset that they left me a text to message them when I have time… and I know that your spouse doesn’t know we text… even if I have 7 straight hours available to text you and not interrupt any of my other activities… I am not going to text you first just because you said to text you when I have time.
I don’t understand why people don’t understand that… if you have a different schedule and different availability in your openness to text… why I would want to text you first?
If you are still asleep or heading off to work or hanging out with your spouse… and I text… and you can’t respond to me right away… and most of the time it is a valid reason (meaning you are not the type to play games like those mentioned above)… why would I want to send a text knowing I won’t get a response? And why if I know you really don’t have your spouse’s approval to text me.
I have never gotten that…
I do respond to most texts in a timely manner unless I am not near my phone (yes, that happens quite a bit… I don’t wear pockets every moment of every day and sometimes my hands are full and I can’t carry my phone), or I am driving (I do not text and drive, I will stop somewhere when it is important… and hey, what’s up is never important)… and yes, a few times, I will ignore a text because I am not in the mood to talk… for whatever reason… and I don’t have to explain those reasons… LOL…
But what I don’t get is why people think I should be available every day to talk with them and they have nothing of real importance to share with me… I don’t text you when I have nothing to share with you…
I don’t get the ‘checking in’ texts… when you simply check in with someone but have nothing to say to me other than to announce you were checking in… Can anyone explain that to me?
I have lived many days without knowing you… and I will live many more after knowing you… so to simply check in with me because you felt a need, but say nothing of importance… other than to inform me that I needed a check in text… does not make me feel all that special. It makes me feel suffocated…
I am not sure how to explain that… but I will try.
There is a fine line between feeling special and suffocated when someone checks in and let’s you know specifically that they are checking in with you.
If you want to make me feel special because you care enough to ‘check in’… don’t tell me you are checking in… here is why… you are not checking in to make sure I am okay… you are checking in to make you feel good that you are checking in and letting me know you are checking in… it is a self-centered and selfish action.
You are making sure I know you are a good person to check up on me… so much so, that you want to make sure I know you are so great to check on me…
That is suffocating… because your selfishness is suffocating me as it is not about me (and if you are checking on me should be more about me than you)… but you make it all about yourself.
I asked a few guys if they understood this… 4 guys actually. Three said they are guilty of it… exactly as I described. One guy argued my point endlessly. We discussed this and I asked him… if you are not checking in to get brownie points for checking on me… then why mention you are checking on me… why not just converse with me?
He said he is… I said, yes, he is having a conversation with me… but it is not necessary to mention that you are checking on me because we haven’t chatted for a day or two… or month or two… can’t you say something a little less – look at me I am so great for checking on you… to maybe… ‘we haven’t talked in a long time… do you have time to catch up?’
I didn’t get a response for quite a while… then he came back with this comment… ‘isn’t that what I was saying?’
I typed what I wrote again “I am just checking in on you” or “I am checking on you” and “we haven’t talked in a long time… do you have time to catch up?”
What do you see as the biggest difference in those three sentences and the first two sentences compared to the last one?
He said he wasn’t sure what I was asking.
I told him the first two sentences are all about you… the last sentence takes the other person into account…
He didn’t respond for a long time… when he finally did… he said he asked a few people at work to listen to our text conversation and they all agreed with me… not with him.
While it is not a big point to win… and certainly no prize was waiting for me after that discussion… it did demonstrate a greater point in all this…
When you text someone… do you only text them for your benefit? Do you only text them to get what you want or need from the text conversation? Do you recognize that not all the people you text want to be the recipient of a one sided conversation that is all about you?
I have wondered why people text me.
I wonder this a lot.
I wondered why people text me when they do not have time to have a conversation.
I wondered why people text me just to have a monologue conversation where I am not really involved in the conversation that doesn’t exist.
I wondered why people who want to meet me, fuck me, or fuck me again fail to realize that I want to be wanted for me… not to relieve your boredom, boost your ego because of the number of people texting you, not to listen to your endless stories that do not actually have anything to do with me… and to be considered ‘one of the guys’… and then when you decide you want to release some tension by jacking off to my words… why I am not eager to share some erotica with you?
Did it ever occur to you to figure out why you text people?
Is it for you and you alone or do you text people because you really want a deeper relationship with them? However you define that (just really good sex, just to get off on a regular basis, to be friends, or to be lovers), do you convey that message to the person you are texting?