Tag Archives: sexting

Do You Text Other Swingers? Why?

I think a lot about the reasons people text others. Me, I would much rather have an actual phone call rather than an endless story  or conversation via text. I get bored watching the top of the KIK screen that says NAME TYPING… forever. I get tired of waiting for the rest of the conversation… and it may be minutes or hours or days for the rest of the conversation to happen… I get why people want to text in general… but I wonder why  people choose to text versus calling someone… especially swingers.

I know that much of this is due to the fact that people text during work… and having a phone call is not always feasible… but at the same time… if texting while working is a risk… as is a phone call… then why do you text at all during work?

I wonder why people decide to text and not really say much at all? My list of words that fucking annoy the shit out of me… is when someone starts a conversation with “Hey, What’s Up?”

I am not sure why those words annoy the shit out of me… but when you randomly text me and start off with ‘Hey, What’s Up?’ it kinda screams – I am bored and thought I would bore you…

Let’s face it… Hey what’s up is never going to win any literary contests nor is it a great catalyst for the conversation starter of the year… and oddly enough… more and more men have been texting that to me lately… I have found less and less time to talk to them… seriously… I am not sure how come they think this is going to get me to want to talk to them…

I asked someone who sends me hey what’s up texts a lot why they send this… He didn’t understand my question. I asked him… what motivates you to text me? He said he likes to talk to me. I asked him… so do you ever think that HEY or What’s up? is a shitty opening line? He said, not really… I am usually just sitting here watching TV or bored and thought about chatting with you…

Just as I figured.

You are bored and you thought of wasting time texting with me…

How is that supposed to make me feel? How is that supposed to make anyone feel?

I will tell you… not so good. I am often quite busy when people are bored and decide to text me… I make time to respond to them if at all possible… and to be told that “I was bored and thought I would waste time chatting with you and HEY or WHAT’S UP is all I could come up with… well, you know what… not so much for the ego… for me or anyone… could you actually say you would like to be told… “Hey, I am bored shitless… I am seeing if you are available to help me waste time… and, well, I have nothing to talk about… so I am going to make sure you are fucking bored while you text me…”

I am going to say this and please understand… I mean it for the best reasons…

Do not text people, people you want to fuck, have fucked and want to fuck again, or want to meet, simply because you are bored. They will know it by the quality (lack of quality) of your texts… most of the time, the person you are texting is not as bored as you are… and will actually being doing something… and you are in fact wasting their time… and that is not very sexy.

I asked another person why he texts me… This person and I have had a long and often ‘duty’ text relationship on his side… I seriously stopped talking to him via text… unfriended him on a site… and felt so much better after doing so… he read a forum post a while back and started to initiate conversation again… this time… his texts have a purpose, are conversational, and go back and forth between us as in two way communication. He learned the hard way, that my time is just as valuable as his… and not to fucking waste my time. His ‘morning’ texts were duty or task oriented… and he got upset when morning didn’t stimulate a long and exciting conversation… Now, he puts forth some real effort… so when I asked him why he texts me… he said… I feel like we are good friends and I enjoy talking with you, hearing your opinions, hearing what is going on in your life, and you are always willing to listen to all the shit going on in my life. That is a great reason to text someone…

Do you text someone for sexting non-stop 24/7?

I have had a number of guys randomly send me a text wanting to sext and then get upset that I can’t sext them… I am sorry, I am driving, I am in the middle of a presentation, I am in the middle of… doesn’t matter what I am in the middle of… it is not like I am on call 24/7 to start a sexting conversation just because you want me to be ready at a drop of a text.

I am not sure why people think I (and others they contact randomly) are available for a quick conversation to get them off… you can listen to all kinds of erotica stories told to you… you can read erotica at any time online… hell, you can read some of my stories if you want something that is connected directly to me… but fuck… if you think I am going to be able to help you jack off at any given time… I am not sure where you got that idea… but I am not your girl. While I like it when a conversation gets very sexy… if I am cleaning the house, trying to meet a deadline, about to go into a presentation or on the road… it ain’t happening… I don’t have time to text the shit out of sexy conversation while driving… and my mind certainly is not into sex or sexting you 24/7.

I asked a few others why they text me… and the answers were interesting and telling… I also asked a few… do you play games when texting?

I had to explain what I meant about that… but it mainly was about, do you while texting… only text someone when you want to brag about a conquest… don’t return their text right away to see if they will continue to text you… don’t return texts right away to make the person want you more because you don’t text right away… or you tell the person to text you to see if they will text you or if they expect you to always start the texts?

I got a lot of interesting responses… a few tried to turn the table on to me and blame me for the last question above… but let’s start with the first one…

Yes, they will text someone they know has more adventures than they do and brag about their adventures hoping to look better in that person’s eyes… I had to admit I have seen this a lot… and it annoys me… you can tell when a person is going through the motions of pretending to care about the answers they asked to get the conversation going… and then suddenly, they start talking all about them… to the point, the text conversation is box after box of their comments and few responses from the other person… literally sending detail after detail for an hour a more and the only thing the person has said is ‘nice’, ‘cool’ or ‘awesome’ and not much else… you lost the person… you are being ignored by the person… and you have no fucking clue… because all you wanted to do is brag… and the person doesn’t give a shit… not one bit…

Yes, we may both be on a sexually social adventure… but you have to ask… do they want to hear every minute detail about your adventure? Your adventure in general… probably… every single minute and boring detail… not really…

When I shared that opinion to someone who does that to me every single time we talk… he admitted that he never asked himself if he was boring me. I asked why? He said… you will hate me when I tell you the truth… I said… you won’t know until you tell me… He said… I don’t give a shit if you were bored. I wanted to brag about it… and whether or not you cared doesn’t matter. I asked him if he saw me as someone he wants to fuck or just a ‘buddy’ like another guy to share the sex details with? He said… we live so far away and the likelihood of us meeting and fucking is slim… so yeah, I am more like one of the guys that he can tell anything too…

I am glad he thinks of me as ‘one of the guys’… yeah right… what girl wants to be ‘one of the guys’? Not as exciting as you would think it is… Doesn’t matter if I would want to fuck him if we were closer to each other… when a girl or guy reaches that level of friendship… the sexual chemistry generally dies down or is lost… I asked him if he realized that… He said he has done that to a number of women he texts… how often do you fuck them? He said a few he fucked and then started texting them like this and haven’t fucked them since… Why not I asked… he said probably because I treat them like one of the guys and not someone I really want to fuck.

Bingo I said.

I asked 5 guys – do you text someone back quickly or do you make them wait on purpose? You know like, you are not doing anything at the time…actually looking for something to do… but you wait at least 5 to 10 minutes… or longer to respond?

Four of the five guys say they do on a regular basis… they want to appear to be so busy and that they are doing the texter a favor responding to them because they are so busy.

I had to ask if they get upset if someone does not respond to them quickly?

All 5 of them said yes.

I then asked, do you play games with them if they don’t respond quickly?

All 5 of them said, they didn’t really see it as games, but yes, they will pretend to be too busy to respond even in the middle of a text conversation… making that person wait and 3 said they will time how long it takes for someone to read and respond to a text… (when I say text – this includes KIK where you can see them typing back.)

I asked them if they thought it was quite childish to play such games? No, they didn’t see it as childish… but they did admit that it wasn’t the most mature thing to do.

So if something isn’t mature… it is… CHILDISH… glad you guys could muddy the waters there…

I asked all 5 how many times they have done it to me… One admitted he has never done it to me as I appear to respond rather quickly during a conversation and will generally tell him if I am too busy. Two said that they do it often – one of those because he knows I have a lot of people I text and he likes to be the center of the attention of the person he is texting… the other one said, he does it to everyone… including me. The other two said that they didn’t want to answer it because they felt I would be upset and then not answer their texts quickly in the future.

Whenever I begin texting anyone – male or female – for any reason… I tell the person I rarely initiate texts… I don’t. Rarely. Not never… but rarely. Here is why.

  1. I work from home or travel for work and my schedule is a bit more flexible.
  2. I do not have a boss or co-worker who could see me using my phone too much
  3. I do not have a work policy that forbids texting
  4. I do not have to hide the fact I text a lot of people from my husband
  5. I do not have to censor my texts so my husband doesn’t get mad

I have nothing to hide from anyone – well, the content is hidden from my adult kids – but they never use my phone… and they aren’t living with us… so I really have nothing to hide from anyone…

My schedule is flexible… but not wide open to text constantly… but because I have more flexibility – I get up very early in the morning and get a whole shit load of work done quickly and early… I have no idea what your schedule is… and depending on the time zone… and your workplace… and your spouse.

I can’t tell you how many times I find out that  the people I text do not have permission to text others… or not about the things they are texting… and not as often as they are texting me…

So, I rarely text people first because

  1. I don’t like to be ignored when I text too early for their time zone
  2. I don’t like to be the cause of ‘awkward’ moments when I text when you are with your spouse and your spouse doesn’t know we text
  3. I don’t like to interrupt you at work and possibly put your work in jeopardy
  4. I don’t like to be ignored because it is dinner time, drive time, whatever you are doing where you are too busy to text me…

However, this does not mean that I am sitting at home hoping and praying someone texts me. I am busy…whether working from home, traveling, or working on volunteer projects… or with family or with swinger activities… I am a busy girl…

So when someone gets upset that they left me a text to message them when I have time… and I know that your spouse doesn’t know we text… even if I have 7 straight hours available to text you and not interrupt any of my other activities… I am not going to text you first just because you said to text you when I have time.

I don’t understand why people don’t understand that… if you have a different schedule and different availability in your openness to text… why I would want to text you first?

If you are still asleep or heading off to work or hanging out with your spouse… and I text… and you can’t respond to me right away… and most of the time it is a valid reason (meaning you are not the type to play games like those mentioned above)… why would I want to send a text knowing I won’t get a response? And why if I know you really don’t have your spouse’s approval to text me.

I have never gotten that…

I do respond to most texts in a timely manner unless I am not near my phone (yes, that happens quite a bit… I don’t wear pockets every moment of every day and sometimes my hands are full and I can’t carry my phone), or I am driving (I do not text and drive, I will stop somewhere when it is important… and hey, what’s up is never important)… and yes, a few times, I will ignore a text because I am not in the mood to talk… for whatever reason… and I don’t have to explain those reasons… LOL…

But what I don’t get is why people think I should be available every day to talk with them and they have nothing of real importance to share with me… I don’t text you when I have nothing to share with you…

I don’t get the ‘checking in’ texts… when you simply check in with someone but have nothing to say to me other than to announce you were checking in… Can anyone explain that to me?

I have lived many days without knowing you… and I will live many more after knowing you… so to simply check in with me because you felt a need, but say nothing of importance… other than to inform me that I needed a check in text… does not make me feel all that special. It makes me feel suffocated…

I am not sure how to explain that… but I will try.

There is a fine line between feeling special and suffocated when someone checks in and let’s you know specifically that they are checking in with you.

If you want to make me feel special because you care enough to ‘check in’… don’t tell me you are checking in… here is why… you are not checking in to make sure I am okay… you are checking in to make you feel good that you are checking in and letting me know you are checking in… it is a self-centered and selfish action.

You are making sure I know you are a good person to check up on me… so much so, that you want to make sure I know you are so great to check on me…

That is suffocating… because your selfishness is suffocating me as it is not about me (and if you are checking on me should be more about me than you)… but you make it all about yourself.

I asked a few guys if they understood this… 4 guys actually. Three said they are guilty of it… exactly as I described. One guy argued my point endlessly. We discussed this and I asked him… if you are not checking in to get brownie points for checking on me… then why mention you are checking on me… why not just converse with me?

He said he is… I said, yes, he is having a conversation with me… but it is not necessary to mention that you are checking on me because we haven’t chatted for a day or two… or month or two… can’t you say something a little less – look at me I am so great for checking on you… to maybe… ‘we haven’t talked in a long time… do you have time to catch up?’

I didn’t get a response for quite a while… then he came back with this comment… ‘isn’t that what I was saying?’

I typed what I wrote again “I am just checking in on you” or “I am checking on you” and “we haven’t talked in a long time… do you have time to catch up?”

What do you see as the biggest difference in those three sentences and the first two sentences compared to the last one?

He said he wasn’t sure what I was asking.

I told him the first two sentences are all about you… the last sentence takes the other person into account…

He didn’t respond for a long time… when he finally did… he said he asked a few people at work to listen to our text conversation and they all agreed with me… not with him.

While it is not a big point to win… and certainly no prize was waiting for me after that discussion… it did demonstrate a greater point in all this…

When you text someone… do you only text them for your benefit? Do you only text them to get what you want or need from the text conversation? Do you recognize that not all the people you text want to be the recipient of a one sided conversation that is all about you?

I have wondered why people text me.

I wonder this a lot.

I wondered why people text me when they do not have time to have a conversation.

I wondered why people text me just to have a monologue conversation where I am not really involved in the conversation that doesn’t exist.

I wondered why people who want to meet me, fuck me, or fuck me again fail to realize that I want to be wanted for me… not to relieve your boredom, boost your ego because of the number of people texting you, not to listen to your endless stories that do not actually have anything to do with me… and to be considered ‘one of the guys’… and then when you decide you want to release some tension by jacking off to my words… why I am not eager to share some erotica with you?

Did it ever occur to you to figure out why you text people?

Is it for you and you alone or do you text people because you really want a deeper relationship with them?  However you define that (just really good sex, just to get off on a regular basis, to be friends, or to be lovers), do you convey that message to the person you are texting?

Just curious…

Muah Sophia

 

 

 

 

Swinging and Social Awkwardness Part 4 Sexting

I have talked about this in a few other posts, but not in the manner in which it falls within social awkwardness. A number of folks say they are not good at it… and some people truly aren’t… but it is not because they are not creative enough to sext… or that they don’t know how to sext… but more often they either lack confidence in what to ‘sext’ or they don’t pay attention to the clues.

Well, before I go any further… I think of sexting as any form of written naughty talk… whether on IM, chat, email, text, KIK or whatever else format you have…

I am going to give an example of something that happens all too often to me… I am on chat or I receive an email from someone and we begin talking. In the swinging world, this is commonly seen as the introduction to the other person. The first impression… and the first impression is the impression that will last, no matter how you improve your ‘first impression’. But they don’t listen to what I am telling them. They simply ignore what I say and do something I specifically stated I didn’t care for…

But before we go there…

Let’s say you claim you suck at introduction emails or chats… I will say, you probably do if you claim it… you live it… but anyways, you claim you suck at introduction emails or chats and you picked for whatever reason, one template to use. Not that this template is very successful, but you lack the skill necessary to communicate in a more authentic manner – ‘know your audience’ is a favorite saying of mine… I bet you are asking… “If this is the introduction email, how can he/she know his audience?” Good question… by reading their profile and looking at their pictures to see what you can find out about them… I don’t mean trying to scour the internet to find where the shots were taken… but if they are soft swap and they don’t show naked pics, and they appear a bit timid in this adventure… sending an email saying “I can fuck your wife like she’s never been fucked before” and include a cock shot and a shot of your wife’s pussy, may not be the wisest manner to introduce yourself.

But let’s say you send that introduction email that shows a bit of time went into the composition of it… you check for grammar and spelling mistakes, you addressed something in their profile, you complimented them, you asked a few well considered questions to begin to engage them….

Well, if you do that… then the issue of social awkwardness isn’t really yours.

However, so many people do not do that… the email is all about them… I like this, I want that, I need this… and the recipient thinks almost immediately… “What are you like in bed?” And mind you, not in a good way… it is more like… does what I like, want, need matter at all or is it all focused on you….

And that may be the key to the social awkwardness in sexting… you have to know what your partner likes…

One example I have is sadly repeated with many guys…

I really am not submissive. The idea of being told what to do does not excite me… I have told many guys this… and when they sext me, they will eventually jump into this… and when I say eventually, I really mean, they basically start with this telling me what to do…

I get that sexting is basically a form of fantasy sex… I really do get that… however, why are you sexting me this? I have already mentioned that I am not really into submissive behavior. Why not find someone to sext that is happy to share with this submissive fantasy?

Here is why… one of the social skills people need to learn and so many have difficulty doing is active listening… or in the case of written communication, reading what is written rather than what you want it to say.

I tell you I am not into submission – you see submission and you run with it… What you have then begun, is showed me that you don’t listen/read/care/notice/acknowledge/should I go on… me.

This is a problem. Think about it… most parents teach their children to share at an early age… after the tantrums, biting, and other infantile behavior, we learn that we need to share and that means asking and listening to the answers… such as you are going to play ball with friends at the playground and there is only one bat… you can’t hold onto the bat when it is other people’s turn to bat… and if someone asks you, ‘can I use the bat?’ you have to listen to their question and answer them… and when you ask someone “can I use the bat?” and the person says “no, it’s Billy’s turn to bat.” You can’t yank the bat from his hands and take your turn when it’s Billy’s turn…

The same principle applies here… if you ask me if I am submissive and I say no, I am not submissive, I am more dom than anything… you have to actually hear what my answer is and apply my answer appropriately. To ignore me, is like taking the bat from my hands and taking a turn when it is not your turn.

The real world implications of social awkwardness in sexting is… fewer people will want to sext with you… and sexting by yourself isn’t as much fun… and if you think about it… when you sext me and act all dom to me and I barely if at all respond… you are sexting by yourself.

I have been known to try my hand at being submissive in my responses to a few guys in the past… but I got very bored with it very quickly… I would then get a text from them that asked ‘why aren’t you responding more?’ I would then be honest and say… “I told you I am not submissive… I thought it would be fun… it isn’t. I am bored.”

For some reason, they don’t continue sexting me submissive shit… or at all.

Am I disappointed? Nope, not at all. You see, they didn’t listen to me… they bored me… they told me what I want doesn’t matter…

Social skills we are taught growing up should include… the world doesn’t revolve around you and only you. For some reason, swingers are really bad about accepting this concept… Look at the profiles and communication… it is all about what they want… and not really about what all parties want… sexting is much the same way…

I go on chat often and am so surprised at how many times the conversation on chat is so… well, let me explain… with an example… the chat is often more men than women… when a woman comes on and starts flirting with the guys… and often this woman is me and possibly one other female… the guys will act like guys all excited… this makes the girls feel good and it encourages the continuation of this flirty banter… a female may post a picture of herself or a few body parts as appropriate to the conversation… like showing tits on Tuesday… and then suddenly the men will start posting pictures of their wives… And while there is nothing fundamentally wrong with posting titty pics of their wives for other men to compliment… the women on the chat gets this message – whether intended or unintended – I can’t look at titty pictures without reminding everyone I am married and/or I got to compete with your pictures…

Both of those messages will limit the chat (sexting) that is going on… it will diminish the participation of the females… and the men are all sitting there complaining that it is all men in there… well geez guys, I wonder why?

That is a form of social awkwardness… I have seen this by the way, even when I haven’t posted pictures… so this isn’t a case of I didn’t get enough attention. However, it does illustrate a point that the men in chat don’t understand, the women are lavishing their attention on them… they should be sucking it up and making sure they do everything they can to keep it going… and yet, they will shut it down quickly…

Or they talk about weed, sports, fallen trees, and other things that exclude the women from the chat… then they will complain that nothing sexy every happens in chat…

Know your audience is being mentioned again… when sexting on whatever communication tool happens, you have to pay attention to what the person you are sexting likes. When their interest starts to fade, you have to ask why? And look at yourself.

I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten immediately wet when I see a guy’s name or number pop up on my phone whether a text or KIK… I know that what we talk about is going to be hot… and I immediately get myself ready for the fun that happens…

And there are folks that I dread seeing their name… because I know it will be boring as shit or just plain annoying.

Here is a very current example of social awkwardness as it relates to not only sexting but texting a potential or past play partner… see if you can tell why it is social awkwardness…

1/6/17

Him: Morning

Me: Good morning sweetie

Him: What are you up to

Me: Just boring morning things. You?

Him: Let’s make it more interesting

Me: How so?

Him: I am open to ideas (written at 9:08 am)

Me – never responded to him

Him: Any ideas (9:41 am)

Me – never responded to him… Why? Because I have told this guy many times before that I am tired of carrying on the entire conversation… he wants to make it interesting… think of how yourself… Let’s also go to the first part… “Morning”. I have to ask, are you announcing the time of day… where is any thing that shows any real interest in the person you are texting… and by the sounds of make things interesting, it was supposed to go into something sexy… but, it doesn’t… why? Because he wants to make it interesting, but I have to do the work. And this is a guy I have had sex with and he wants to have sex with me again… really buddy? Do you think this is going to happen…

Fast forward to 1/11/17 – He hasn’t texted me since 1/6/17 above is the last of the conversation.

He stared the texts at 7:48 am – as if what he has to say is so damn urgent…

Him: Morning

Me – I ignore him. I was reading in bed, puppy snuggled up and nothing pressing on my schedule…

Him: (9:49 am) How are you

Me: (10:22 am) Good. You? (two things to notice here… one – I waited a long time to respond. I was working on the computer and had my phone next me the whole time… but I am tired of these texts and decided to employ negative consequences for his behavior – a technique used in addressing social awkwardness, bad behaviors, etc., to encourage the person to use the proper social skills previously addressed… I did tell you I worked in the mental health field doing this sort of thing… Second, instead of good morning sweetie, I said two words. GOOD. YOU? Anyone else feel the cold front blowing in? He didn’t.

Him: (less than a minute later) I want to see you

Him: (right after the previous) Missing you

Him: (12:15) 🙂

Him: (12:34) What are you doing

Him: (2:40) You around?

Him: (4:57) Hey

1/12/17

Him: (6:55 am – WTF?) Morning

Him: (10:06 am) I hope you are ok

Me: (11:04) I used his name – You texted me on the 6th and then not again until the 11th. I assumed you were busy with work and family. I did not constantly send text messages to you asking if you were around, hey, :), or hope you are ok. Again, I assumed you are busy. I’m not sure why you can’t assume the same for me. I am busy. I’m also traveling. I’m not sure what you expect from me in regards to the text messages. I get morning or what’s up or what’s going on and the your thoughts or you expect me to carry the whole conversation, look at 1/6 for example. You want to make it more interesting, but I have to carry both sides of a conversation. I thought if I ignored your texts you’d recognize I’m busy and can’t text. Instead I get more ridiculous non conversation like hey or :). And what was this before 7 am text? Since it isn’t even 7 am you texted morning, were you informing me of the time of day? Please understand that when I travel I am on the road or presenting at 7am. And if all you are going to type is morning, don’t bother. That’s something you say in that one word manner to coworkers and students just to greet in passing. I am not sure why you think it’s going to motivate me to stop everything and text immediately. Some of this I have mentioned before, this is the first time all in one message. But the way this is going right now is more annoying than fun or interesting. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings and I have to get back on the road. Maybe you can stop and think about how this can improve instead of acting as if I am an old buddy of yours ok with morning and hey shit.

I barely hit send and he replies –  “I got all that our of order sorry just hadn’t talk to you in a while and was just seeing how you were”

I wanted to scream bullshit! I told him I was good at 10 something yesterday morning.

He then writes this – “Well I hope you have safe travels and I would love to talk in depth when you have some time I will wait to hear from you”

Here is the truth of the matter – I am not going to text him again. And I pray he holds true to his promise of waiting to hear from me again. And I am not sure what in depth conversation he is able to have with anyone let alone me.

Why am I sharing this conversation with him and others I had with him in previous posts?

Because, sadly he is not the only one that does this shit. He is not unique. He is not special in his ineptness of communication and social skills when communicating with others they want to fuck.

I mentioned that in part it is confidence that is needed to make a good sexting experience happen… the largest part – is people have to get over themselves and in a hurry. I have mentioned this before, and I will in every post on social awkwardness… you have to pay attention to the other person. If you want to get laid, make friends in the lifestyle, have real FWB, go poly, or otherwise not get a reputation of being so stuck on yourself… you have to pay attention to the other person…

Consider this… everyone has some degree of self-centeredness… if we didn’t we would be door mats that everyone trampled on daily… I have a dose of it as well… I put up with him and his ridiculous texts messages for way too long… I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt… I tried to give him the tools needed to engage me… and his self-centeredness controlled his actions… all he cared about was texting me… not engaging me. He wanted to be able to say he texted me… He wanted to have me do all the work so that his phone would record all the amazing things I was texting – A little humor there… but I do come up with some good material when properly motivated…. LOL

He wasn’t really interested in engaging me enough to get a second chance at my pussy… he blew it… because he couldn’t use the social skills he was taught, the social skills I mentioned, or just plain common sense…

The chat guys… are the same way… they won’t play along and give the girls motivation to keep praising them… they will talk about man things and talk about how lucky they are to have their wives… and so on and so forth…

This type of social awkwardness in swinging is rampant… and so many people wonder why they suddenly lose an admirer and people don’t want to communicate with them anymore…

Sexting isn’t that complicated – as with the other posts… you need to get past yourself, be confident in what you do, and oh yeah, get passed yourself… swinging is not a solo sport – that is masturbation – if you want to be successful swinging… truly make an effort to engage the other person… find out what they want, need, like, desire… and half the work is done for you whether meeting them, flirting, or sexting… when you focus on someone other than yourself, you are successful in swinging – however you define it…

Muah Sophia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve Got It Good

It is Sunday morning and I am sitting here in my robe drinking tea and thinking how lucky I am. I just posted some events/parties for our group on SLS. I am chatting with some folks… and you know what… life is good.

Last week, maybe not so much… last week I handled very well some rather upsetting news… and in the midst of it all there was some swinger drama… but the upsetting news… a yearly mammogram came back with some suspicious spots… and according to the radiology site for radiologists that I have access too, these were pretty bad spots… and required REMOVAL of all spots… and were highly suspicious…

And when I say handled it well… I laughed more than I felt down… I was scared, but didn’t fall apart…

I had the support of some rather awesome folks in my life…. 90% I have never met…

OMG…

I had jokes and good wishes from Japan… Las Vegas…. and from both NC and SC…

It was good. It was great… it was what the Dr should have ordered… once again, I feel blessed to have the support and from a few of them LOVE…. of close friends…

Damn what will happen when I really meet them… to be able to let them know how much their friendship miles away…

In all honesty… the only time I shed any tears… and it was just a handful… was when talking with Beau… and that’s because while we haven’t met in person… but have known each other for 1.5 years or so… our futures are tied together… Yep, we were talking about things like…. you don’t have cancer… but in case you do… this is what I will be doing while you work on your health… so yeah, a few tears were shed. A few fears shared…

No pain from the biopsy, but since I am allergic to the tape they used and I have to keep on for 5 days… I am itching like a bitch… it is really the worst part of it all… other than the wait to find out… and I don’t have cancer… This is my 7th breast cancer scare and my worst… each time it gets worse… and closer to being cancer… feel like I am playing Russian Roulette… and I gotta admit I am sick of it… I am grateful that I have beat it each time… very grateful for that… but I wish… yeah, I wish there was a vaccination for breast cancer all women and men get as a child that protects them from breast cancer… instead of fear and breast removal… a vaccine that keeps women safe from this disease….

I’ve got it good. I have found a number of real treasures on this adventure… and wouldn’t trade them in for anything.

There are also those who are bat shit crazy and love to share their bat shit crazy with many… dealt with that this week…

It was easy to sever any ties to him… unfortunately, he is bent on showing how bat shit crazy he is… and not just to me… there is much, much more to this story… but let’s just say… I am keeping much of it to myself… not for sake of him… I would love to blast him and his crazy out into the public so no one else has to deal with him… put a neon flashing sign to stay far away from crazy… but because if I do… it reveals too much of me… and you all might not like it…

Ever since we began this adventure we have always had a rule if you want to call it that…

No, I am not going to call it a rule… it is more of an expectation… I expect him to trust me and I expect to trust him… no matter what we have going on… I need to be able to trust him… he needs to be able to trust me…

It is no secret I love to communicate with people… I love to communicate about any subject in the world… communication in my love language… it is my soul’s desire… to communicate with people…

My husband can view my phone any time he wants… he has never done it… he has access to all emails sent to me on the sites we are on… we are on a group chat together… he can see me flirting and chatting and having fun with others on the chat… we do not delete emails on the sites because I am not always sure when he has read the emails…

We are an open book… and as you can imagine the book is quite large with all the words I write… Why say what you can in five words if  you can make 10 sound all the more erotic… LOL

He spends a lot of time reading my blog, forum posts… and the list goes on and on…

Our communication is open…

Does that mean he reads all that I write in private to others…

Nope.

If he asks me what we talked about, I tell him.

He doesn’t always want to know after I told him… but I tell him…

Unless it is a secret that has nothing to do with him… something you told me in confidence and it will not destroy the relationship between hubby and I…

I often say that I don’t suffer from jealousy or insecurity in this adventure… and that is true… being honest with others is something that I do… and if my husband wants to know what is going on… I tell him… if he were to ask me to hand over my phone… I would no questions asked…. and no hiding the messages I don’t want him to see… and I don’t question the activity on his phone either.. well, except for when suddenly he gets a number of texts… then I am curious which sexy woman is texting him….

I know our relationship is different than others… some couples can do different levels of openness… some can’t do openness with each other because despite all the other things that work well with their adventure… having a ‘friend’ or someone they can share things with is difficult for the other person.

I work with each of those people when communicating with me with those different limitations because I enjoy communicating with them… but it is very challenging for me to keep the rules straight…

I am going for a poly anna statement here… I wish everyone could accept the lifestyle has different meanings and opportunities to meet the needs of those who are partaking… Sometimes, having someone you can bare all your thoughts to without judgment is huge… a sounding board before you can share them with your spouse/partner is nice… does it make sense… does it seem like something they could understand without judgment… and sometimes it is just a matter of actually ‘saying’ it… or texting it…

I get that… I need that.. I desire that… to share with someone what I think before sharing it with my husband… not because my husband will judge… but because I need someone not that closely connected to listen to me and give me feedback…

It is hard to explain that to a loved one… to your spouse… to tell them that you know what… I wanted to explore that in my head and out loud before I shared it with you… not because it would hurt our relationship, but because I needed too…

Who can understand that????? Only someone who needs to have someone other than their partner to discuss this with… without the emotional ties that may make them see it as a ‘I am not good enough’ comment…

Sometimes you have to test the waters with someone who isn’t as close…

On this adventure, so much is tied to couples… you and your spouse/partner… it can feel suffocating when you have a thought and you are expected to share only with their spouse…

To share with others is a sign of a bad relationship……….

Really????

I say no, it isn’t a sign of a bad relationship. It is a sign of a healthy relationship. When you can explore things – thoughts, desires, and fantasies with others… isn’t that what swinging is about… sharing things and by things I mean sex… with others…

If my husband was into BDSM and wanted to explore that… I would let him find someone who is also into that and they can meet for their play times…

How would he know who to explore that with if they don’t share what they want… they can’t.

Sometimes an emotional connection is not a bad thing… sometimes what you are needing is not all sex. It is the person you can connect to, be open with, and engage in a deeper level in order to have some really good swinger sex…

Be honest with your spouse and partner… tell them that you need to have others to chat with and connect with on a deeper level… reassure them that they can see what you write at any time… that little step means a lot to the other person. It means you really aren’t hiding anything from them….

Trust and respect goes a long way on this adventure… with your spouse and those you play with… have you ever wondered what the person feels like that is on the receiving end of ‘I have to hide our conversations with you from my spouse/partner’.

They are confused – why are they a dirty little secret on a sexually social adventure…

They are hurt – only good enough to be hidden away….

They are pissed – You really think I am going to put up with this shit….

They are thrilled – they don’t have to live like that….

I’ve got it good…  hope you do too…

Sophia

Text Me Baby…..

When you join a website… a sex site… and you perv some profiles… looking long at the pictures… send an email or flirt or whatever form of first communications you have available to you… well, then you more than likely share your phone number… for texting purposes… you know to make planning a ‘get-together’ better…

Texting has a great purpose to allow you to get to know someone better… communicate is key in getting in the same place at the same time for the same purpose…. to umm…. have sex if the stars align correctly and if all systems are a go….

Texting can build sexual excitement… when you put the right words together in the right order… ones that make a bit of sense… that makes you feel all good and tingly….

Texting can remind you of the fun you already had and continue that fun and building for round two, three, twelve… whatever…

Texting can be about sex and it can be about other things… things related to life… or a fun little argument that turns you on because he or she is challenging your opinions and beliefs but in a sexy way… where you can hear their laughter in the argument… where you can feel your body responding to their words…

So much good can come from texting a sexy playmate… male to female or same sex.. whatever the combination you choose and the purpose you choose… some times the men of both sides text back and forth to plan times to get everyone together… sometimes to share details of what they did with their spouses… and sometimes… you know what they talk about….. mmmm

As much as you want to tell that certain someone to ‘text me baby’…. texting can go so wrong so fast…

Let’s say the person you are texting is boring. In person. The texts are boring. Their life is boring and they really can’t make it more exciting when they text one or two word answers…

Sometimes the texts become routine… when you can predict when, what, and all that other crap that ROUTINE defines… yeah, you might as well stop texting… I am laughing as I am about to write this… but if you are phoning in the texts… you might as well stop… did you get that… phoning in text…. OMG… I am laughing so hard right now… just find that funny… phoning in texts….

You know what I mean… it is like clockwork… you know that this will be the first text of the day… you try to change your answer to try to change their texting pattern… and it does no good… the same damn things are said everyday… If you watch The Big Bang Theory… you know of Sheldon and his bathroom schedule… yeah, it is just like that…

Nothing says you mean very little than someone using letters instead of words… in the world – in 2015 we have phones that spell out the words… just try writing the first letter of the word not the one letter you think is better… and you only have to hit the word and not spell out the damn thing… I mean come on… if texting me the same thing every day is too much work for you then stop. If you cannot use a full word instead of a letter…. my ego is devastated… Just kidding… it is annoying more than anything…

I type very fast on a keyboard and with my finger when texting… Sometimes I type faster than the device and I hit enter before I proofread… I get that… but by all that is good in the world… could you at least put all the necessary words in a sentence to make the sentence make sense… OMG… for someone who writes for a living and for those who don’t… having all the words included in the sentence that makes me feel like I am texting an intelligent person really does make one sexier.

I mean… how many times can you read the following and wonder about my ability to think….

“Me want pussy”

If this is what you read from me every day… or asked you the following question

“u hard”

Wouldn’t you wonder… does she have any fucking clue that I am working, with family, or whatever… and then wonder how the fuck am I to answer that question every fucking day… multiple times a day…..

And then  you wonder just why you wanted to fuck me… obviously I am stupider than a box of rocks….

I had one person text me everyday ‘morning’. Not good morning. Not good morning sweetie… morning sexy… nothing… just morning. And that could be the only thing he sent the whole day. And then he would get mad if I didn’t respond…

Well for all I know, I was NOT the only person he texted the same word… it felt like he was doing a chore… a task required to do everyday…

Who wants to feel like a chore… who wants to feel like a required tasks… if writing anything more to me was so difficult… why do it?

I know you can say that maybe I and others like me read too much into the text.. I should be thrilled I was included in this ‘mandatory’ text… and that is what it feels…

Unfortunately, phoning in whatever you phone in… is obvious to others… even if you like to text… if you text the same shit everyday… well…

Here is a thought… we are all on this sexually social adventure… we choose to have sex outside our marriage (just in general here folks… married folks swinging if you are single or dating… you still get the gist of this)… we seek variety.. we seek something different from someone different… we seek or crave the thrill of the chase… the thrill of the capture… the friendships… the connection… whatever it is that you are seeking, you are in fact seeking it and looking for something other than sex with one person for the rest of your life….

SO WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU PHONING IT IN!

You could say… that the person phoning it in is missing the whole purpose of this…

Texting is an opportunity to get to know the other person better. It is an opportunity to build the sexual chemistry, it is a vehicle to make them want you so much…. that they need to make you suffer as much as they are…

And suffer in the manner of wanting what only you can quench… not suffer as in they dread your texts because they are routine, mind-numbingly routine…

So what can you do?

I just left this post and googled – tips for sexy texting… here is the first in the list… http://www.lovepanky.com/sensual-tease/seduction/sexy-text-messages

I looked them over and there are some really good suggestions… I am thinking that would be a good place to start…

You know if you wanted to move past the saying the same things over and over in broken English… just saying…

I am a fan of those texts that start innocent and then build to very naughty… the ones that have me on the edge of my seat waiting for your next text… panties wet, pussy pulsing… and fingers wandering to find me some release…

Yeah, hope your sexy someone is texting you into a frenzy…

Sophia