Tag Archives: sharing

How To Get Your Swing On Part 4

I received a comment yesterday that the poster did not want the comment posted, the comment asked me where I get off thinking I have all the answers when it comes to swinging?

Well, dang it all… didn’t the poster know that I have been granted the gift of providing swinger education?

Obviously, I am joking about the gift of providing swinger education… however, I do believe that I am able to see what happens around me, form an opinion of whether I like what I see happen around me, and well, voice that opinion. I have had people tell me I don’t shit… some tell me I bring a unique perspective, and some tell me that my ramblings have brought some clarification to something they struggled with…

Here is the truth of the matter… I have an opinion and I share it… if someone doesn’t like it… there are a few things I can say about that… remember I have an opinion and I share it… first – if something annoys you or makes you mad about what I wrote, consider if it is because it strikes a cord you are not ready to have struck… and more importantly, if you are upset by what I write, don’t read the email.

But let’s look at the comment a bit deeper… why is it wrong for a person to share what works for them and does not work for them?

If I am telling others that you and your spouse hanging over each other does nothing to build sexual chemistry between you and your potential swing partner, how is that wrong?

So many couples and singles talk about how there must be a four way connection, yet they spend all their time cuddling and flirting with their own spouse and leaves the other couple hanging out there wondering why they were invited… doesn’t that scream out ‘something is wrong’?

Yes, yes it does… very wrong. Do you not know or understand why that is wrong???

I recently asked a guy I have met once and talk to often, like many times in a week… if he thinks of having sex with me? He states that it crosses his mind, but he really likes our friendship and wouldn’t want to have sex with me if it meant ruining the friendship.

I get that… and I don’t get that… I mean, if the friendship is real, won’t it be a bit more fun with the sexual component… but that is a topic for another post… let’s stick with the point that you may have missed… I had to ask him if he ever thinks of having sex with me…

If a person, in this case me a girl, has no idea if you think of me in any way in regards to having sex… and she has to ask… isn’t that a sign that something is really, really going wrong…

Yet, how many times do you and your spouse go to a couples date and wonder, “Do they want to have sex with me?”

If you are asking this question, the couple you are with does not know how to get their swing on…

And if the couples you are with are asking them the same thing… ‘Do they want to have sex with us?’ You are doing something very, very wrong… and this isn’t me telling you this… well, not just me… it is the less than spectacular adventures you have had with others when naked…

How to get your swing on makes sense only when you are willing to open up the manner in which you welcome others into your marriage and your bed.

And you have to recognize that you are inviting others into a part of your marriage and your bed (or hotel bed) and just how exactly you do that is how to get your swing on… if you embrace it as a fun, exciting, flirty, and sexy manner with your potential partners, you will have a great time swinging.

If you are fearful, jealous, nervous, shy, closed up, and focused on yourself and/or your spouse exclusively, you miss out on the opportunity to fully enjoy what others have to offer you.

Think of it this way… you are invited to a holiday get-together in your neighborhood… the organizer of the get together is a warm, caring, loving person who enjoys having everyone present and makes each one who comes to the get-together feel welcome and special… that feeling catches on and others feel an overwhelming need to make everyone feel welcome… and the entire group feels a great deal of warm fuzzy feelings… This host really knows how to get a get-together on…

Or there is a host who has a need for having all attention on her and she has a few friends who suck up to her… and they are one of those cliques that are absolutely no fun to be around… no one wanted to come to the holiday get-together, and you can tell. Everyone is in small groups, talking only between themselves and leaving others feeling out of place… this host really DOES NOT know how to get a get-together on…

Which host are you when you think about a couples date?

I will leave it at that… that way, you decide how to get your swing on and I am not telling you what to do like the swinger know-it-all I am accused of being… Muah, I really don’t mind the comment… I like to think about it like this… I struck a cord… just hope I don’t swing with them if they can’t see they need to have a bit more sexy fun on a couples date… MUAH!

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure more than Abby (the poster) is…

Sophia

Getting Your Swing On With Communication Part 2

I am always amazed when someone will send me a message condemning me for writing about my swinging adventures. I am amazed because

  1. the title of the blog is Sophia’s Provocative Adventure – what else would I be writing about
  2. it is a blog – means this is not required reading for anyone – you voluntarily choose to read this blog
  3. I post the link of this blog on all the swinging sites we are on… so before you actually meet me you have the opportunity to know I have a blog about swinging and on that blog I talk about my swinging adventure… and if you still want to meet me and play with me… are you really surprised I may reference something about you either good or bad…
  4.  I never share verbatim a conversation with identifying details of the person. What I actually do is take a combination of ‘examples’ – since mankind tends to be similar in many aspects – combine them to extract an example to use in the post. Never have I said – Joe from profile Sirfuxalot on Kasidie or SLS or any other site I am on – and his wife Helen who works as a teller at lots-o-money bank on 4th street in Podunk City… said this “I am cheating on my wife pretending to be a swinger. What I do is combine several examples generically… is it my fault people have done some of this stuff more than once and can identify themselves?

Am I going around saying I am the most perfect swinger in the world? Nope. Never have. In fact, in a number of posts I have identified less than perfect behavior (thoughts) and have in fact put up with crap from others that I should not have put up with because I wanted to avoid drama and put up with others. That makes me less than perfect. Have I had to cancel some dates, parties, and hall passes over the course of our adventure? Sure have. I have canceled some with reasons that were not quite accurate. I canceled two house parties because of the people who signed up were less than appealing and instead of suffering through or rejecting the majority of those who signed up I canceled one. The second one we canceled it was because I was just feeling off… turns out to be a good thing since that same day I had a severe pancreatitis attack and went to the ER and spent 10 days at a local hospital on IV fluids and had two surgeries… So, yeah, not a perfect swinger by any means… but what makes me different from many others… I am honest that swinging can be a lot of sexy fun and sometimes it is a pain in the ass… and often because of the interactions with others. I have not always been a girl who states her mind. However, I am now and would not change it back… If you cannot handle the fact that I share about my swinging adventure honestly, then we are not going to get a long very well. And you know what, that is okay with me.

And that leads us to this topic of this post – getting your swing on with communication… being honest – with yourself and with others.

How honest are you?

I am not talking about stating on your profile that you want shaved pussy and only shaved pussy… but while we are on that topic – how honest are you really on hair/no hair? If you were incredibly attracted to someone and had not seen a pussy pic nor asked that question yet… would you still have sex with the person if they had some form of hair on their pussy?

I ask this because so many have put that they seek only shaved pussy and yet I see pictures in their albums of pussies with hair on it. Do you ask for no hair pussies because your spouse has a hairy pussy and you want what you don’t have? Or did you copy your profile from someone else who had that listed and figured that is what everyone expects? Do you shave/wax/laser your pussy because everyone expects that from their partners? Is it honest communication to list that in your profile and show pictures of hair pussies?

I ask this as a way to introduce the topic of honest communication happening from the profile forward. Does your profile really reflect who you are?

And I am not talking about the ‘happily married couple looking to spice up their sex life, who have great sex together, educated, discreet, and blah, blah, blah…. and so on’

I cringe every time I read those types of profiles… I get so tired of the BS… and here is why I say that… if you are a happily married couple who only swings to spice up their sex lives… why are you hiding the fact you communicate with other women (delete emails and texts immediately and try to limit the modes of communication to those where it is hard to find the deleted data) and try to get them to hall pass with you without your spouses knowledge? This is by the way much different from the married man with a single male profile and not with his wife’s permission. But how do you think you will get your swing on by being dishonest? By lying to the person you want to fuck?

Then there is the discreet comments… you want to be discreet in your swinging activities. I get that… yet you have pictures of multiple partners on your profile… validations, certifications, or raves depending on the site… you post on the forums and you seek partners on KIK, text, tinder and post pics on secret facebook, twitter and so on and so forth… how does the discreet work then? Or when at parties and events you talk about other swingers that you like, fucked, and would never want to fuck because of this or that you heard?

I had a single male profile – married man without his wife’s permission or knowledge despite the profile stating the opposite want to meet with me… wanted to know if I liked outdoor sex. How does that make it discreet? And if we can meet at my house… yeah, that will be very discreet… your wife won’t see money missing from your account or showing $49.95 at Hourly Rates Available At Quick Romps Roadside Motel.

How do you expect to get your swing on when you cannot communicate honestly. I have stopped mentioning ‘planned’ hall passes to my husband until the day of because of the cancellations that occur. And yes, sometimes I have had to cancel a hall pass because of a change of my schedule. I have had so many of them cancelled at the last minute… I mean I had this one plan a hall pass with me… and he confirms in the morning we are still on… this was a confirmation around the time he was going to be leaving to head to my hotel room… and he sends a text a few minutes later that he had to cancel. The reason… he and his wife had been fighting the night before and continued that morning and he is not in the right frame of mind for a hall pass. I could accept that better if he hadn’t just minutes before stated he was on his way. Now, my conspiracy theory part of my mind thinks… hmm, gotta wonder if he lied about what he was going to be doing and she caught on and then he had to admit the truth and she was pissed. He toyed with the idea of going ahead with it (sending me the confirmation that it was still on) and then thought better of it or she put an ultimatum out there… (the cancellation, I mean, he had been fighting with her the night before and that morning before the confirmation was sent… OMG)…. makes you wish people would just be honest. Especially when he continued the conversation to talk about having a threesome sometime with me and him and his wife… of course there are other details I have left out… but one has to wonder if he is being honest with his wife about me and the hall passes… because we started out talking about the four of us meeting and it went quickly to hall passes and him and I meeting when he is near where I live.

If you cannot be honest with yourself, it is very difficult to be honest with your spouse. I have never once been dishonest with my husband about my swinging adventures and all hall passes. Sometimes the honesty was more than he could handle, but it does not change the fact that I have always been honest with him. If I was going to meet someone for lunch, dinner, drinks, or just sex – he has known about them once it was confirmed. And he has been told of the cancellations that have happened. I have shared with him a lot of the details of conversations, level of desire, and plans of meeting and what we did on the hall passes or ‘vanilla date with a swinger’. Hubby also has access to all our sites, emails, and of course this blog… as I said, I have no secrets about swinging with him.

I have been honest in my communications with potential play dates about my preferences – I do like separate rooms and hall passes more than couple dates. I am not interested in a threesome with the man and his wife as they are not fun for me when I don’t know anything about the wife… and I hate the obligation there that is implied… he can’t have a hall pass but his wife can come for a threesome… yet, what about my husband? That always throws me… we talk about a hall pass and then they throw their wife in the mix… and exclude my husband… hmm… I am wondering where the honest communication is. I have to mention that I am really selective on the women I want to play with… I am not the type of girl that will kiss just any girl, any titties, or pussy… guys on the other hand… well, let’s just say… I really like the bi time to be special… not a gateway to being able to fuck their husbands as many women often do.

In the beginning of our adventure we were hit with such a high rate of couples where the men couldn’t get it up… and by couldn’t get it up I mean they have a medical reason involved that makes it nearly impossible even with a ‘pill’ to get hard. They both knew it and lied to us by pretending he could just so she could get fucked by someone… And you know what… this gave me a ‘swinger voice’ I guess you could say… I would make it very clear that if the guy can’t get it up he needs to either tell us up front or have a very good plan B in place to make up for the fact I can’t get fucked by him. We had quite a few couples stop communicating with us after I made that announcement… I did it in a plain but nice manner…. but the results still caused a number of couples to back off from meeting us… hubby felt bad… as the person who was often left without being fucked by a hard cock (which I love) and having to listen to their pity party afterwards… I did not care. They saved me the bother of having to suck a cock that won’t get hard until I got lock jaw all the while hearing her get off on my hubby fucking her silly…

Communication is key… and honest communication is even more so… I am telling you, the truth is far easier to deal with than the lying and manipulation a liar does to his/her victims… I know, that seems extreme. However, when you are lied to repeatedly… yeah, at some point you have to decided whether to call someone out on that or to actually allows yourself to be a willing victim.

A guy who wants to have a hall pass with me cannot seem to get the details straight… he will tell me he can meet me this day… we make plans. He does not do actual planning ahead of time to figure out how long it will take him to meet with me… then he has to be back in a short amount of time… meaning we have but mere minutes to meet and fuck… and then he will tell me at the last minute he will be out of town… and then he will come back and tell me that he will be out of town until a day or two after but be back a day or two before and then want to meet me and put an even smaller time limit… and all the time I am asking why doesn’t he just tell his wife he wants a hall pass. According to him he has allowed her a few hall passes… isn’t it fair that both be allowed hall passes?

Well, since he can’t seem to get his calendar figured out and each time he has planned one or thrown out possible dates… I have no desire to continue to play this game. So, being the honest communicator I am (I don’t like confrontations or discord, but damn, this girl has some difficulty with people playing games, lying, and wasting my time)… I told him ‘well an early check in would not have helped any… it’s almost 2 hours from (place 1) to (place 2). You’d have had to leave by 3pm. The earliest I could check in is 2pm. Not sure why you started making plans for the 6th if you weren’t even going to be in the state on the 6th. I will admit I am a bit confused here’. He wrote back some stupid excuses about what he has to do out of town as if that answers why he made plans for a day he was going to be out of the state.. and then states ‘please don’t get upset I really think that this is worth happening’. Really? You think this is worth happening if you cannot even plan something to actually happen on a date you are going to in the state. I get family things happening at the last minute or work things… it happens we all know this… but I have to ask WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PLANNING THINGS FOR DAYS YOU WON’T EVEN BE IN THE STATE?????

He wants to plan something for after the new year… until he is honest with his spouse and me about the hall passes… it won’t happen.

Through work I present before groups of people topics that helps their wellness. One of the topics was communication. There are a number of issues within the topic of communication that makes it difficult for people to be open to others. One may think that the biggest barrier is fear of how their ‘real feelings and emotions’ will be accepted, but that is not actually true. The biggest barrier in communication with two or more people is the willingness to do the work – be honest – but not hurtful, listen actively, and be open to their responses. Most people do the bare minimum hoping to get the maximum result. This is never more true in swinging.

Swinging is set up to hide a great deal from people. Family and careers can be affected by the choice to have sex outside the marriage partner. Swingers spend a great deal of time hiding things from others while still wanting to be open about what they do and what they want. With the amount of work it often takes to get in a room naked with others, many are afraid to be honest in fear of losing out on the opportunity to fuck strange. A good number of swingers will hide (lie) about things including what they really want… or they list such a long dissertation of what someone can or cannot do, have, or be on their profile to eliminate a great deal of interested people. I wonder if those things are really that important to them… or if they think it makes them appear so very particular or choosy raising their desirability. I don’t really think that is what they accomplish but what do I know other than I never read the list completely nor approach them… but when we meet them at a house party or event and they fuck with abandon and don’t seem to care if they have pubic hair, overweight, less than attractive, smart, or have a great personality… I wonder why they go on about those things in their profile.

I strongly believe that you have to be honest with your partners in your communication. It is difficult for me to believe that if you lie about whether you can hall pass with your spouse’s knowledge if you are going to be honest about anything else. Like do you have a disease you really ought to disclose to me so I can decide if I want to share it with you… Or if you cannot get it up and you are just using us to get your wife fucked to ease your guilt… or any of the other issues that people seem to have hidden from others… I mean, if you can only get hard if you are touching my ass and you can only have anal sex as a result… shouldn’t you be honest about that with me… you know, so I can have a say… prepare for it… or at least have lube and a condom handy? Yeah, had a guy with that very issue…

Communication – honest communication ahead of time is a sound plan of action as it allows the person the opportunity to venture in with their eyes wide open. To hide things like many swingers do opens them up to piss a person off and if they have a blog… post about them… but believe me… it is much better than the verbal gossip that happens at parties because someone will actually tell your profile name and your real name… you may want to keep that in mind when you are getting your swing on with communication…

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia

 

TMI In Swingerville – Can It Help Or Hurt Your Chances For Getting Laid?

There is a delicate balance between sharing and protecting one’s privacy in swingerville… Sometimes you find yourself sharing nothing but the basics with folks and having a great time and other times you don’t know their last name but you know their entire medical history, childhood, childbirth… and on it goes…

On a site we are on a forum topic asked does TMI keep you from playing with others…

Here is my answer…

I have been thinking of my answer for several days. I was having trouble figuring out how to describe the two main segments of ‘friends’ and ‘playmates’. I have been thinking of the folks we met and how we met them and why we played with them and why we didn’t play with them. 

So when I broke it down… the answer of why we played with them and why we didn’t play with them was very interesting. It did have to do with the attractiveness and being attracted to them to a certain extent… I truly am a person who is more into the whole person – which means personality weighs just as much if not more than looks… 

I then looked at the folks that we became friends with and what happened when the friendship was more important than having sex with them… 

And this caused me to look at ‘in-person’ and ‘on-line’ friends… 

I have had a number of friends that we became friends as we decided to play… and it is tough when you mix the two together… you see as you build friendships you share more… and I seem to be a magnet for folks who want to share with me… 

One example I can give is a female who had some medical problems that caused her to develop infections often. We are talking an eye infection, ear infection, and so on… well being a girl and going on antibiotics… well that generally causes a yeast infection… so we would hear about her latest illnesses and such and then they would want to plan a play date… it was after the round of antibiotics and yeast infection medication… but you know what… I could NOT go down on her… All I could think about was she just had a fucking yeast infection… even though time passed and she was ‘all clear’ it still freaked me the fuck out… all I could think was YUCK! I didn’t want Mike to go down on her or anything either… freaked me out too much! 

Luckily (said tongue in cheek) her hubby make some bad choices with his words in his exuberance after having sex with me that pissed her off and we watched her turn into a jealous and insecure shrew… so it ended a friendship and I was glad to be away from the drama… I couldn’t get myself to want to have sex because of her frequent yeast infections and her personality sealed the rest of the deal… 

Then I thought about some examples of online friends that some I have met and some I haven’t met… and some that I have met shared way to much with me that I can’t fuck them even if I wanted to… the guys shared things with me like I was their sister… some of the girls same thing… like we were sisters… sharing all kinds of things… and yes, I shared all kinds of things as well… because we were not really at that point of ever going to have sex… I knew too much and sometimes that was health issues, family issues… and seen more of their personality that while I liked them… I no longer wanted to fuck them… and I guess when I start to feel that comfortable that I can share shit with you on that level… sex will never happen… you moved to ‘friends only’ zone… 

Sometimes people share their deepest, darkest feelings with me because they read my blog, posts in the forum, or chat with me… then they communicate with me one on one via email or text that shows their insecurities, their jealousies, their good and their bad sides… I don’t want to fuck someone that shares too much with me… not when I became their confidant… share all you want with me about your sexual preferences, what you want to do with me… but leave out the complaining of your wife and kids, or crying about how much you fell in love with the most awesome play partner, or OMG telling me how you suffer with ED…. (yep, that is a really hot turn on for a girl… ) Those things do not make me want to fuck you… sorry but it is the truth… I want a sexual connection… 

A few times I had some guys that overshared on their feelings for me… and we hadn’t had sex yet… WTF???? 

I have a ton of those stories that would fill a book… maybe the title should be something like “Sharing To Much And Scaring The Shit Out Of Swingers”

Someday I may share the “I want to get you pregnant so we can be connected for the rest of our lives” story. He was serious… I still have the texts… LOL

There is a fine line between sharing and being sexy and sharing too much of things you should not share with someone you want to fuck… can’t tell you how many cross that line without noticing the shift in our conversations… moving from sexting to a…. platonic relationship. Very platonic….

Sophia”

What I didn’t touch on in that post was those who won’t tell you a damn thing about themselves and it makes you wonder what they are hiding… especially when they dodge simple questions like… what do you like? Condoms yes? Diseases????

That may be another topic another time… LOL

Hope you are having a wonderful sexually social adventure…

Sophia