If Swinging Is A State of Mind… Are You Ever Not A Swinger?

I believe that swinging is a state of mind. Whether you are non-monogamous or just like variety or love the sexually charged environment to the point where you are unable to stay away from… it is a state of mind or a part of you that is always present.

Let me explain this again… I crave variety of partners. I was married for 23 years, with my husband 24 years before we ever talked about swinging. However, it does not mean that I hadn’t lusted after or wanted to explore something with a coworker or think about a stranger I ran across… I admit that I have never done anything other than think and possibly flirt… but then again… I flirt with cashiers and other people all the time… a part of me… but there was always something about me that wanted to look at and want another person. I thought of fucking other men… I thought of playing with women… That was a state of my mind… something that took a great hold in my brain… hell, I even wrote stories about it… about wanting a MFM, FF, group sex… and all kinds of interesting things… I read books and got so turned on by the naughty fun written…

My body and my brain craves variety… and more importantly… it is a part of my life now…

I have stated many times, I have no idea if I could ever stop being a swinger. I may get to a point where I can’t have sex anymore with other swingers… for obvious reasons… when you get to a certain age and you look like your age… the demand for play is less by others… and it changes how it manifests itself… but I do not think I could ever get rid of my swinger state of mind. This means… I think I will always think about non-monogamy and the joys I received while swinging… the sex… the conversation… the variety… it all plays a part in this state of mind…

I have talked to people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s that are very much still enjoying the swinger state of mind. They enjoy going to parties and clubs… even though they know people won’t be interested in fucking them… the sexual vibe that they find there is what they crave. They may end up having sex with each other… but they all have stated that they can’t stop being a swinger even if they don’t technically swing…

That to me says it is a state of mind… it is a part of who they are… and whether they have sex with other swingers or they just like to have the environment around them… well, to them it is a state of mind.

Monogamy is a state of mind just as non-monogamy is a state of mind. It is something you choose or have chosen for you… Society has made monogamy the preferred state of being… not going to give you a bible lesson… but… it is there… we choose to follow society rules… whether marriage is good and multiple marriages are bad… unless of course… multiple marriages are excused and getting married young is good and getting married older is bad… unless waiting until later is better than getting married young…

Cheating is bad… unless you are a swinger, then you swinging with your spouse is worse than cheating on your spouse…

All because today society says… this is how you must be…

But how does that really impact how you think… how you feel you are inside… outside of the view of society?

That is what makes swinging a state of mind… the fact that society says you must be monogamous… and you can’t fight the desire for variety… that you can’t fight the need for having sex with others. That your wandering eye is not a sign of disrespect to your partner as much as it is a part of who you are… enjoying the ‘eye candy’. Flirting with others is as natural to you as breathing… and you don’t really see why flirting with other men or women is so wrong… going to a club or party and getting ‘high’ off the sexual vibes is a great deal of fun… almost addictive…

This is a state of mind… something that you crave… you want… you need… you explore… you… well, let’s just look at the definition of state of mind…

Attitude, perspective, outlook, approach, mood, disposition, frame of mind, mindset, way of looking at things

I laughed at some of the folks on the forums who stated it was not a state of mind. One response was something about how they never purchased an alcoholic beverage or rented a hotel room for a state of mind… and yet, people do every single day for a variety of things – sports, business, hobbies, and so on that they are very much involved in… even a life-long learner (student)…

I actually felt bad for this person… they missed the entire point of asking the question… it was to see if they can see how their mindset, attitude, perspective, outlook, approach, mood, disposition, frame of mind, mindset, way of looking at things… why would the go to an event or on a couple date with the intention of fucking someone if not for a state of mind that “their mindset, attitude, perspective, outlook, approach, mood, disposition, frame of mind, mindset, way of looking at things” was geared for non-monogamy.

But anyways… when you look at something like swinging or more importantly non-monogamy as that is the basic element of getting into swinging… if you felt this way for a long time or just since someone mentioned it to you for the first time… and you feel this is something that you could do and feel good doing it… and you recognize it is a part of your personality, life, and state of mind… could you ever stop having that state of mind?

While we are looking at this… let’s look at all those swingers we see that take ‘breaks’ from swinging and yet, keep coming back to swinging. Why?

Why do they come back to swinging after a break?

Some will even remove their profiles and then get a new profile. Why? Because they can’t really move away from swinging completely or long term.

You read a number of profiles that say one of them swung before and one never had and they are both now into it… because they can’t stay away from it…

Well, I am going to stop here… I have more to write… but I will let this settle for a while… and then I will continue it in the next post.

 

 

Do Guys Make You Feel Like This?

I absolutely love Lady Antebellum’s Need You Now CD… there are many songs I absolutely love and I have little voice left after singing along with this CD and Adele’s 21 CD for almost 7 hours in the car… that and the presentation and a bunch of talking today… not much of a voice left… or brain… I am a bit tired… but here I am, writing a blog post… and I am not sure what this post will be like or how it will end up… but here goes…

I love the song I have below… and I think this is the topic of this post… I was listening and singing along to this song and thought… this is how a woman should feel a man feels when on a swinger date.

Imagine if you will, what the girl would feel if I guy felt this way about her… and how she will reciprocate the feelings she is feeling about how he is feeling and how he will feel when she shows appreciation for what she feels based how he feels…

Yes, I know, that is one of those dizzy sentences… but I hope you didn’t get lost but actually walked away from that sentence and understand this… how good you feel about someone has a direct impact on how a person feels about you.

Read the lyrics of the song… or if you can tolerate listening to country music… here is a link to hear the song… Something ’bout a woman

“Something ‘Bout A Woman”

Well there’s something ’bout a woman
with my t-shirt on
hair in her eyes, no make-up on
standin there smilin with my coffee cup
yeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman that’s easy to loveYeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman
that’s a clear blue sky
Ain’t found nothin better that’ll get you high
You’re the colors of the sun at the end of the day
Yeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman that makes you feel that way She’s like fire on the mountain
Like some kind of heaven that’s pourin’ down on me
She’s a child
She’s a lady
She’s got everything that I could ever need
Yeah, there’s somethin ’bout a woman and meYeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman
when she gets fixed up
Slips a red dress on and her eyes light up
I love to watch her walkin from across the room
Yeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman
and the way she moves me
she moves me
oh, she moves me

She’s like fire on the mountain
Like some kind of heaven that’s pourin’ down on me
She’s a child
She’s a lady
She’s got everything that I could ever need
Yeah, there’s somethin ’bout a woman and me

She moves me
she moves me
oh, she moves me
She’s like fire on the mountain
Like some kind of heaven that’s pourin’ down on me
She’s a child
She’s a lady
She’s got everything that I could ever need
Yeah, there’s somethin ’bout a woman and me

Yeah there’s somethin ’bout a woman that makes me still
There’s somethin ’bout a woman that always will

I think in this song… it is the emotion portrayed… ‘she moves me’, ‘there’s somethin ’bout a women and me’, ‘she’s like fire on the mountain’, ‘like some kind of heaven that’s pouring’ down on me.

Then the comments about what he finds attractive about a women… from being in a t-shirt, messy hair, no makeup, looking hot in a red dress, him having to watch her cross the room… yeah, those are all images painted in my mind of a man who really finds a woman in any state of dress or undress as so beautiful she moves him…

I think that is what I want to feel… not exactly those words… choose your own… but that is how I want to feel when I am on a swinger date or hall pass… that at that moment, you are consumed by your passion for me…

Now, don’t get me wrong… I am not saying I want to take the place of your spouse… I am saying that I must feel that you are consumed by me… needing me to know how much you want me…

You know, that way people feel when they actually date in any other time in their life.

I am not sure why people want to have sex any other way.

Why go through the motions if the desire is not there?

I talked to someone about this before… had a long assed conversation – read that as a debate… I don’t know if I wore them down or I actually convinced them of my point of view and how much better it is than theirs… but to be fair here… here is the ‘opposing’ point of view.

Swinger sex is just simply sex.

I had a problem with that… what does that mean exactly?

I was told that swinger sex is just doing the sexual acts with other people.

I asked if he get excited about swinger sex.

I was told that of course he got excited, he got hard.

I asked him if he got excited as in, desired the woman.

He said there was really no reason to get excited about the woman as in desire her… it is just a once and done thing… most of the time they do not have second play dates.

I asked him if it is possibly why they only play once and then done with the other couples because the women feel like he is just using their pussy for an outlet and any will do?

Will you be surprised if I say that he was not happy with that question?

I asked what would be wrong if you showed to your date that you are very much turned on by her, want her, desire her, crave her, need her?

His response – what would be wrong… how my wife responded to that… would be what is wrong.

I then asked, is there no middle ground?

His answer – no.

I asked, does his wife show excitement with her playmates?

Yes, she does. She can. I can’t.

Well, dang it all… that is wrong. Just wrong.

So I went back to asking him ‘do you really enjoy swinger sex in this manner?’

His answer was no… it isn’t that much fun, but it is all I can get.

Hmm, I am a horrible person… I asked him… ‘don’t you think you should have that feeling of great desire for a partner…’

He told me, yes, you are right, you should have those great feelings of desire… but not everyone can have what they want…

I asked him if he was pissed…

He said, no. Yes, he is. But not at me. And he was done discussing it… I was right again, isn’t that enough.

Well, I didn’t say this to him… but no, being right wasn’t what I was after… it wasn’t about being right. It was about having this experience with each other something that was earth shattering… shouldn’t sex be earth shattering… rather than any pussy or cock will do? Shouldn’t I feel like I was the center of his attention… his desire… his need as he was the center of my attention, my desire, my need for him?

Why is this a hard concept for people to understand and put into practice?

Why am I supposed to be happy with the bare minimum of effort in flirting and wooing?

Why am I supposed to be satisfied being the first or only available pussy that will do for his release?

Why is this happening in a lifestyle or state of mind that is about exploring others sexually?

I think I want and will demand (not necessarily demanding to the person, but demand as in – if he doesn’t do it automatically – I won’t do him) that he focus on me, make me feel how much I move him… how much he wants me… how much he needs me… and if he can’t because he won’t or because his spouse won’t let him…

I think I deserve to feel like I am as special to him as he is to me… and feel like this song makes me feel when hearing…

What do you guys and gals think?

Do you as a girl deserve to feel this way with your swinger partner?

Do you as a guy feel you should make a girl you are with feel as this song indicates?

Do you as a guy want to feel that way about all your partners? Where a girl moves you… and you just can’t stop thinking of her, wanting her, and needing her?

I don’t think it is a pipe dream. I do think it will take work, but that work is worth it… when you can have an earth shattering sexual experience with every new partner…

Yeah, it is Like some kind of heaven that’s pourin’ down on me!

Muah Sophia

Feedback On What Do You Like Most About Swinging?

I tell you what, I enjoy getting feedback on what I write, even if it is not in agreement with me. Why? Because it makes both of us think about what was said, how it was said, and determine if there is any room for changing our opinions on what is said. Believe it or not, my opinions often change to varying degrees when I get feedback from others. Does that mean I go completely different on my opinion? Nope… My original opinion is still the same, but with some considerations for other points given.

I received feedback on the What Do You Like Most About Swinging? and it was very interesting to say the least.

I was asked why I keep pointing out that I am a swinger who likes to swing… Very good question. Here is my answer.

So many swingers I have talked to (chat, email, text, kik, in person, on the phone) or read their posts on the walls, profiles or forum posts act like it is some type of swinger sin to admit that they like to fuck strange. And by fuck strange, I mean have sex with someone who is not their significant other.

I don’t have a problem admitting I like to fuck strange. I like to fuck friends and I like to fuck acquaintances and I do like to fuck people who are very much a stranger to me as in I barely know their name (club or party setting please). I am not ashamed to say that I like to fuck other people. Therefore, when I talk about what I like about swinging best… it is in fact, fucking others. I readily admit that I also love meeting people (kinda have to do that when you fuck others), I love chatting with people (anyone who has had any kind of communication quickly knows that I love to get to know them… both sexually and all other aspects of their lives), I love to develop friendships with others (as long as a friendship is actually going to happen and not forced to happen just to fuck…

So you see, I am a well rounded swinger… but make no mistake… I like to fuck others.

The social aspects of the swinging or sexually social adventures happen naturally with me. I don’t need to say that I like to have friendships – those who have become my friends – however the friendships form… know that I like to have friendships and value their friendships. I don’t need to say that I like meeting people – obviously if I want to fuck others I need to meet others… I don’t need to say any of those social niceties – to justify that I like to fuck strange.

Many people do not really wish to fuck strange. They simply enjoy the sexual nature of the lifestyle. They like to be naked, see naked people, talk dirty, fantasize, and other ‘social’ aspects rather than fuck strange.

Awesome for them… they will tell people that they are into this part of it as to lessen the disappointment that comes with wanting to fuck someone who doesn’t fuck others… or rarely fucks others.

Some people are super picky as to who they will fuck… I mean the list of criteria is so huge and so specific, no one really ever fits into the ‘wish list’ and they can say they just haven’t met anyone… I am just guessing here, they really don’t want to admit they are in it solely for the social aspects of it… and this will make them look special or elite and build up their followers of those who hope they will be picked to be the special partners chosen to have sex with…

You see, I am not into that… I don’t hold anyone that high up in swingerville. If you think you are so damn special that we all have to jump hoops and hope and pray you will pick me… well, pass me over. I am not a fan of Jim Jones (early childhood trauma watching news reports about that) and I am certainly not going to be your follower for some poor pathetic scraps of whatever you throw out to those who are dying for it…

I have never in my life had a list of criteria a mile long and certainly unattainable for what people must do to be my friends… nor my boyfriend or husband. I am certainly not going to build one for people I want to fuck. You see… I do not have friends that all look the same… I do not have a past of boyfriends that all look the same… why would I have a specific type of person that must look the same as swingers?

Does that mean I am not picky?

Of course not… I am selective on who I become friends with… who I fuck… who I suck… but I am not using that as a reason not to fuck someone… I know this appears a little off the topic.. but it does go along with another comment I received… “Shouldn’t people have criteria as to who they fuck?” My answer… “yes, they should, for whatever reason, turn you on.”

Isn’t it really that simple?

I know a lot of people find Brad Pitt and George Clooney very sexy. I don’t. Neither one of them. Why? Because of the attitude they portray in the public. I know they may be awesome guys in their private lives… but unfortunately, what I see is not so appealing to me. I have my own list of guys I do find attractive and appealing in the celebrity world… and if one looks at them very closely and breaks down what I find appealing about them… you will see a wide range in there… none of them are exactly alike.

If you look at the men who are my closest ‘swinger’ friends… you will see nothing much in common with them. Not the same height, body shape, jobs, family structure, education level, nor even the same types of conversations they have with me… but what they do have is they have connected with me on a level that spoke directly to me… Yes, that social aspect… but that was not what I was looking for when I started talking with them.

I have had more long term ‘friendships’ (however they are defined) with 4 guys that started early in our adventure. We talk through various means on a very regular basis. We started our adventure in March of 2013. These four have been there since the first 6 months. There are some guys (6) that are going on 2 and 3 years of regular to semi-regular communication. When it is semi-regular communication it tends to be several long and deep conversations rather than the two texts per day that others seem to think is quality communication. Have I played with all of these men? Nope. Some I have, some I hope to play with someday when the location issues are no longer an issue. The point is… how can I have this many guys that I talk to on a regular or semi-regular basis and have deep or intimate conversations with if I am not open to the social aspect of swinging.

But make no mistake… I am not ashamed about the fact that I like to fuck others. I am not going to make comments to others to appear to be ‘deeper’ or ‘classier’ of a swinger by saying my goal is to make life long friends. True friendships happen when you least expect it and when you aren’t looking for them… otherwise it is a forced or faked friendship… because just as true love and emotional connections that we have in our lives… they just happen when no one is looking for them.

Be bold folks… if you like fucking strange… go ahead and admit it… those who really understand who you are and what you bring to the table, will know that you are one who likes to be honest and be bold… and damn, ain’t that sexy?

Muah Sophia