Tag Archives: texting

Assumptions… How Much Fun Is Killed Due To Assumptions

I am going to ask you to think about this question… Do you tend to fuck things up because you make assumptions far too often and far too inaccurately?

Have you thought about the question?

Here is another one….

Do you think I (Sophia) from what you read solely on this blog… is unable to answer a question to clear up an assumption you may have about what I have typed?

I am sitting here in absolute amazement that another person has gone ahead and sent me a message that tells ME what I think… and is completely wrong about what I think and assumed something that was not what I said and took it out of context and decided to think for ME and make a decision about ME and then have the audacity to tell me that I am wrong in what they assumed about me.

Another relationship has ended.

First of all… I believe that I am quite capable to giving my opinion on just about everything under the sun.

I am also able to answer questions you may have about what I have written.

I am also able to do that without being upset that you have a question about what I write…

What I am not able to do… is put up with a number of assumptions made about me and what I think and then be ‘punished’ because of incorrect assumptions.

I have to make this next point very clear… when I write a blog post… I may have several examples rolled into one topic… not every topic is about one person… other than me… I am the writer of this blog and it is about my sexually social adventure and all the people and things that come up along the way… this is my blog and I write about what I experience as a swinger… and I have come in contact with many, many people. I have different levels of communication and contact with people… sometimes, believe it or not… more than one person does the same thing… and when I see a pattern develop… well, I usually write about it…

Which means… for all of those who read this and say… she has to be talking about me… there is both truth and assumption in that statement. The truth is… if you feel you have done some of the things I wrote about – good or bad… you likely have… if you think I am posting a blog solely about you… that is a very incorrect assumption.

A guy who I was texting read my blog and he told me to let me know when he is bothering me… I told him again… if I am busy I will let you know…

Now, with that very sentence… I could in fact be referencing 5 people who texted me this week. All five of them I told I would… and a few of them I did tell them I am busy…

One person read a text I wrote and assumed that I was too busy to text him… because in response to asking me about my blog post I said I have no idea what I am to babble on about… and he assumed I was referencing not knowing what to talk to him about… he made an assumption AGAIN… and that assumption led him to believe that to go radio silent until I texted him AGAIN was the best manner in which to address me.

So, I am going to talk this out here… HE assumed something about an answer I gave to a direct question incorrectly… HE wrote a comment that still has left me speechless with a command to text him when I am able… EVEN though we were actively texting… Let me know he was still interested in me… which sounded ominous… but he was so busy… can’t text anymore… so I let it go… as that was a part of a text that made no sense… and then HE decides not to text me again.

What the fuck am I missing?

I am being punished because of his assumptions, his confusion, his ominous statements… and his silence…

And this is the 4th time he has done this since we first started communicating a few years ago… He did it once a few weeks ago and I told him that it bothered me that he assumed something that as not true… never bothered to ask me about it… and it really hurt me that he would tell me that I matter to him in one breath and then he can decide something based on his assumptions and then not contact me at all as a form of punishment… Last week he did it again… and then two days after that episode was cleared up… he fucking did it again…

What am I missing?

Besides the most obvious thing… he enjoys playing these games… that he thinks he can assume something about me and punish me for his assumptions????

He has made comments that he and his wife have never had a fight…

I suddenly get it…

He must (assumption here) make his own assumptions, stop talking to her for a while… and then decide when he is done being upset… because he certainly doesn’t bother to talk his assumptions out… he will just punish the person for his assumptions about them… I mean seriously… he is well aware that I am able to discuss these things out… we have had to do it many times already… yet, he goes back to it again… and again… and again…

And then I am supposed to believe anything he says to me…

It got me thinking about some of the others who text me and play similar games… and you know what… I have made a few cuts from my contact list… and deleted conversations… and ignore as in set the ignore setting on my phone so I am not bothered by these people again…

Yeah, it is almost spring… perfect time for spring cleaning wouldn’t you say?

This got me thinking about some of the other assumptions people make in the lifestyle… and there are a ton of them if you ever stopped to think about it… so many people seem to think that what they think about any given situation is how it is…

That all couples want a single female

That all couples start off with soft swap

That all couples start off with same room/same bed

That all single men are married

That all single men are not worth their time

That single females are wonderful

That single females are bat shit crazy

That single females are looking to steal your husband

That profiles are your calling card (that will be a topic all its own)

That hot with not is common place – except for those with the assumption they are hot when they are not and can’t see the truth… there is a not in every couple according to reality…

That pictures lead to sexual attraction 100% of the time

That personality is a not a contributing factor to sexual chemistry

That Sophia wants to put up with your shit…

You can probably assume I am joking… but I am not on that last one… Assume if you are being an ass, bitch, baby, or assumption king/queen… I DO NOT WANT TO PUT UP WITH IT.

A few relationships along the way that I have invested a considerable amount of time in have gone along the wayside during my adventure… and each one has been a sad passing for me. I don’t often invest myself with swingers… when I do, it is because I find something about that person that I really want to be around… until I no longer want to be around them.

I believe that is the same for most of us… we want to be around them for various reasons and most of them it is based on what we know of them… and for me at least… not what we assume of them.

I have over the course of my time on the forums and with this blog have had people male and female assume they know me. By reading this blog and my forum posts, yes, you have great insight into who I am and what I believe… but I do not talk about every aspect of me on the forums or blogs… I do not share what really hurts my feelings… when someone does something that really hurts me… because I want to protect that part of me… I don’t tell people what really makes me happy…. what really matters to me on a deeper level unless I feel I can trust you… and it really does take a long time to trust someone.

I find that most people in the lifestyle struggle with being real and authentic and being perceived as ‘hot’ or ‘desired’ and in the struggle they will project their fears and insecurities in a number of ways… and sometimes it is to brag when bragging isn’t necessary and in other ways… it is hurting or rejecting someone before they can hurt or reject you.

I wrote about rejection previously… and so many people are afraid they will be rejected that they will in fact make a point of rejecting others first – I won’t take one for the team or I won’t do the NOT of hot with not… and yet, they are considered the NOT or the one the person would be taking for the team… yet they do not see that…

In this case… this issue that is really upsetting me today – and this blog post is addressing specifically… is when someone assumes something about me and then punishes me for their assumption.

In general, someone anonymous or barely known swinger rejecting me is not a big deal at all. I am under no misconception that I am what every person wants and feel that every person should want me… if they are not interested in flirting, fucking, or anything with me… so be it… Not a big deal… I have no real investment in the process…

However, at the beginning of the year… a female swinger friend just dropped off the face of the earth. I had no contact with her… and I sent her some fucking homemade candy after she returned from a vacation… I heard nothing from you… not in response to my email, not in response to my text about the pending arrival of the goodies, or in response of the arrival of the goodies…

We had a friendship where we talked about a lot of personal things… including kids… we shared a lot of things between us… and suddenly… she left the site and she never contacted me about the goodies… and it is not the goodies… but the fact that she never responded to let me know ‘thanks, things are happening here… can’t really talk’… not one word.

This week… another friendship ended… because this person has the constant issue happening about assuming and punishing me.

I am about to celebrate a birthday and I am in my 40s… about to be a year older… and I have to ask myself… why am I being punished because someone has made an assumption about me instead of asking me? Why after telling him a number of times I do not like this when he does it – assumptions and punishments… do I keep putting up with it?

I admit regularly that words matter to me. If you want to text me, email me, communicate with me… your words matter.

I enjoy having conversations with people who want to communicate with me in a real manner… not the hey shit… but really have an interest in communicating with me. I have told every single person I text I don’t answer if I am busy. I don’t initiate texts except in rare cases… like a birthday wish… notification of impending candies… you know stuff like that… I do not know why people refuse to appreciate their conversations with me. It is in this manner, their choice to start a conversation with me… not responding to me always texting them.

I have let texts go for a few minutes, hours, and yes, sometimes days… I do ignore texts from people after I have already told them that it isn’t working for me… and I find it amazing that they will ignore these messages where I tell them that ‘morning’ ‘hey’ ‘what’s up’ or ‘u naked’ or other u messages don’t work for me and you need to up your game… they ignore that… but they will assume things about me instead of asking me.

People have assumed that because I am bi I will play with any girl in any manner they want and not ask me if I want that… I don’t. They assume I will and get upset when I won’t.

People have assumed that just because they smoke and don’t smoke near me that I want to kiss or smell a person who has been smoking before meeting me or in between smoking breaks…

People assume that because they want me… I want them.

People assume that because they text me at a random time of the day… I am able to text them back… and get upset when I can’t.

People assume that because we text… I want to be on the read only side of their details or come up with all the dialogue.

If you are confused as to what I want by that last sentence, that is likely the problem. A huge problem.

A conversation between two people is a matter of active listening, listening to hear and not to respond, give and take (not all about one person), it is about sharing information between two people…

If I have to read your side of the conversation for more than 10 minutes… it is not a texting conversation. It is a phone call or in person conversation. If you are texting straight for more than 10 minutes on up to an hour… it is not a conversation. It is not chatting. It is you simply carrying on a monologue.

If you assume facts not provided and make a decision based on that assumption… that is not a conversation… that is simply asinine.

A conversation has to have people asking for clarification when they don’t understand. It has to have a person willing to listen to hear not to respond… meaning you listen to what they are saying (or reading) and you will respond only when they are finished, clarify what you don’t understand, restate what you have understood, and making sure that a conversation is about both of you…

Don’t believe me… I can send you a shitload of resources about communication… I can send you power point presentations that show the skills needed for effective communication. Just because one chooses texting as their way to communicate doesn’t mean the rules of communication differ…

Assumptions are the death of a good swinger adventure… they are the death of friendships… they are the death of relationships…

Just think about that a bit…

Muah Sophia

Texting Follow Up

I received a comment that turned into an interesting observation and reflection about my last post… about texting. The reader asked me why do I like to text people – swingers specifically. Here was my answer.

I like to text people that I feel a connection to in order to see where that connection goes. Does it go to a hot and heavy we have to meet very soon conversation and then turn into a planning to meet mechanism? I love those… I really love those types of conversations. Why? Because I am a swinger because I enjoy sexually charged adventures… I love being turned on by a guy and needing to fuck him ASAP and again and again.

I like to text people who I feel a connection to as in a friendship… and this is where it gets tricky… you see, I like to get to know people… but at the same time… it really has to be a two way street in the communication. They have to want to get to know me. I know that I want to get to know them… but I don’t think they want to get to know me as much. Here is how I know that… the conversations turn into ‘all about them’. They contact me and go on forever talking about them… the only thing they talk to me is about them… the only questions they ask me about me is a generic ‘what’s up’. It is not a real ‘friendship’ blooming. I understand that they have things going on in their lives and they want to share them with someone… I feel flattered when I believe they want to share with me… but at some point it turns into a dump on Sophia conversation… even if it is not to gripe about something… but they will share and share and share… and it doesn’t matter one bit what is going on with me… I can’t tell you how many times when I was sick the last few weeks I had to remind people in many conversations that I am not feeling well… They went on and on about this, that and everything… even to the point that they commented on how I was very chatty… and again… I reminded them I don’t feel well… I really felt ignored… and you know what… I don’t think a ‘friend’ would go to great lengths to ignore someone when they say… I don’t feel well and to maybe get off of their ‘I need to dump on you’ to the point that they recognize… hey she doesn’t feel well… maybe I could be nice enough to care enough to say… hope you get feeling better… I will let you go… Nope. So, I am not sure I like to text people to get to know them as much as I thought… because now, I have all this information about them and they have only what they assume they know about me via my blog or forum posts… they do not connect the dots to who I am in whole… but the image they assumed about me… and when that happens… I really lose interest in them and texting them. I feel I put forth time and effort only to be ignored as a person. I know, this is my issue… but this person asked me… but I really do get tired of having people assume they know me and fail to get to know me and then go on and on about themselves constantly.

I like to text with someone I feel a connection with about a wide variety of topics. When I write a blog post… I love to discuss alternative points of view with people… I don’t really enjoy when they rehash what I wrote in my blog… it generally goes something like this… “I see you wrote about XYZ in your blog.” I really want to say “Thanks Captain Obvious, I wasn’t aware of what I wrote about in my blog.” Instead I say… “Yes, I did.” Then they go on to tell me their opinion of what I wrote by telling me they feel the same way, but they go into great detail of why they feel the same way. I sit there and read the texts and think… ‘hmm, how do I comment on this… do I tell them, awesome… couldn’t you just condense it and say… I feel the same way and stop there.’ You see, I am not sure what I am supposed to say at this point… it became a monologue, a boring monologue at this point and I am bored to death while trying to get other things done… if you agree with what I wrote on my blog and want to share your thoughts and your process of coming up with the same conclusion as me… couldn’t you just write a comment on the blog? I mean, this is not a conversation for me. It is weird. Yet, when someone who has a different opinion than mine… I enjoy those conversations until… until they think that by telling me their opinion, I will admit my opinion is wrong. Here is the thing about opinions and points of view… I know that there are multiple sides to every issue known and unknown to man… my point of view is based on the perspectives I see around me, from my filters… from my experiences… and while it may not be absolutely 100% correct, my point of view is that… mine. I may be able to see the path you took to get to your point of view… however, it does not mean I will change my point of view just because you sent me a few hundred texts telling me I am wrong and why I am wrong. You see… I am not wrong… I shared on MY blog MY point of view on a topic. That is all I did. And I must say, that as a writer… I want to instill passion in my readers… if you are happy with what I wrote that is just as fulfilling to me as someone who is very UNhappy with what I wrote… passion is the goal writers aim for… an ambivalent reader does nothing for a writer. So, you don’t have to agree with me 100% on anything. But you know what… that does not make you right or wrong… just different than me… with a different point of view… so I do get tired of having conversations with people who think they will change my mind because they don’t agree with me… This blog is not a life or death situation… if I mentioned a fact about STD that was glaringly incorrect and in that case could be a life or death situation… yes, I will admit I am wrong and correct the information… but if you think that your opinion about full or soft swap is correct and mine is wrong… I don’t think you will win that battle because it is about us having our own opinions… those kinds of text conversations are not as fun as you think they are… they last too long… and are better suited for a phone call or in person conversation… or email… not a fucking 3 hour text-a-thon.

When I try to open up new conversation topics… about things other than sex… the conversations don’t really go far. I am not sure why they don’t go far but they don’t… I try and try and try and they bring it back to talking about them and their sex lives. Or about their lives in general… what they are doing at work, home, and in the minds… and I sit there and think… why am I texting this person? I want to get to know a person… about the whole person… and when you have exclaimed all the sexual things you want to do and how much you want to meet… shouldn’t it evolve to something a bit more than your favorite position… often it goes directly into ‘let me recount all my conquests, I know you are dying for them…’ and the answer is no, not really.

I think there is a natural competition between swingers to outdo another swinger. I saw this with the cookie exchange. I swear I will not do another one. It was a fucking on-upping contest… who can deliver the most treats, the fanciest treats… and suddenly cookies became pies… and it never ended… really, you have to fucking one up everyone else… it is that way with the stories of ‘how many want me’… if you hear someone wants someone else, you have to brag about how many want you… like it matters… swingers are swingers because they want to fuck others… it is not a contest… And I think because I talk about my adventures openly… people think they need to keep up with me… like “I want her to know I am popular too”. I don’t care. If I am interested in you, it is because I AM INTERESTED IN YOU… Not your numbers… not your ego… not your desire to be desired by more people… and if we are talking about meeting at any time… does that really matter how many others want you?

I shared this with the person asking me why I text… after all I shared above… I told him, ‘right now, I really don’t know why I text people. I am really disillusioned by the whole texting thing. I am tired of texting… yet, I still love to have those connections. I am conflicted and tired of being conflicted.’

I explained why I am conflicted… I think I have too high of expectations for people texting me. I am honest about that… I think that when I give my full attention to an incoming text (when I am able to, because let’s be honest… we can’t all be fully able to text 24/7)… I am showing that person I really care that they texted me. However, when I can tell they aren’t giving me their full attention… it really hurts. Because I rarely initiate texts with others… they are making the first step to communicate with me… why do so if you aren’t able to fully pay attention or give attention to me. I explained that sometimes I get a text… and I am already on my phone and less than 5 seconds pass before I respond… and via KIK you can see it was sent and delivered but not read. That is something I just don’t get… why start a conversation if you can’t continue the conversation less than 30 seconds after you sent the first message?

I enjoy the communication with people… I really do. I enjoy more – phone calls. I mean seriously… I would rather have an in depth conversation about anything via phone than spend 45 minutes dragging out what could have taken less than 3 minutes via phone. While I understand that texting allows you to communicate on your time… meaning you get to it when you can… how hard is it to pick up the phone and call someone? And considering how long people take to type out 4 words at a time… pick up the fucking phone and call me.

I enjoy communication with people and I don’t take it for granted… or them for granted… I think that many people do take communication with me for granted. I am supposed to be there for them when they randomly text me immediately… but they don’t return the favor. I am supposed to carry on a conversation with them… but they don’t have to make more than the initial effort of saying “hey, what’s up”. They assume I want to hear solely about them and they put in randomly… ‘oh hey, forgot… good morning.’

Maybe it is the way of communicating now-a-days… but poor communication skills just suck… and with the poor communication skills are the games that come about…

So I don’t know why I like to text… I love the quality connections that exist between me and some folks I text… but it is the ones that are shitty that really bother me…

I have had female and male friends suddenly go radio silent on me for no reason… only to pop up later and expect me to be just as open and willing to chat with them… they have ‘reasons’ or ‘excuses’ or ‘bs’ to share with me as to why they went radio silent… and then have the audacity to say they miss me…

So, I shared all this with this person… and told this person that I don’t feel bad for sharing this and in fact, I feel better as I was honest as to why this bothers me… It was via the comment section of the blog and not texts… LOL…

The response I received.

I have much the same feelings. I have shared with many people my time to text them. Some of it was strictly sexting. Some of it was supposed to be friendship. Some of it was supposed much deeper feelings. Most of it was a load of crap. People are so caught up in their own shit they don’t realize that they are hurting people by lying to them. I, like you enjoy communicating with others, but it hurts when treated so poorly. Most don’t seem to get it or care that it is rotten how they treat people. This isn’t just someone who is texting only to set up a time to get laid. It is the fact they they pretend they care when they don’t. They don’t care about me and they don’t care about my time. Texting is a rude way of communicating if you think about it and it is an ego filled method of communicating. It has led to people cheating on their spouses. When you share with me more than you share with your spouse, that is in essence cheating. Yes, a very conservative message there, but it is true. I love to text like you to communicate with others. Like you, it hurts when you realize that the person texting you is just wasting your time. I am not talking about someone you fuck once and maybe twice. But when someone pretends to be your friend or something more. If you take a person for granted, you are not a true friend, lover, or anything but a person who will treat someone like shit for your own gain. I know this is a rambling mess of thoughts. But I have asked myself a lot recently why I text them. When I read your post I knew I was not alone. I guess it is in part my fault because I do love the attention when someone wants to text me. I try to keep my ego in check. But when you begin to think that someone is a friend and then you step back and read their texts and you realize that what they keep telling you is you are one of many and mean nothing, you have to ask yourself why you bother communicating with them. I believe many men have an ego problem… when they find a woman who wants to get to know them, their ego feels good for the first time in a long time. They get high off that feeling and lose all common sense. They want to have that woman want them and they go about it completely wrong. They brag about other women wanting them. While we are swingers and we understand variety in partners is what we seek, is it too much to ask that they spend a little time letting us know they want us for more than an ego boost. Even if that is all they want us for really. I mean, we try to make them feel good and wanted, why does that stop just because we text a bit more. Thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate your honesty and feel we are on the same page. Let’s just hope men get on the same page soon. Treat a women like she matters to you and you will be a hero in her eyes. Treat a woman like anyone can easily replace her and she will replace you as a friend, a swinger partner, as a lover. – Susan

Thanks Susan. I agree with what you wrote… I don’t text just everyone that comes across my KIK screen and I don’t give out my number to just anyone. If I chose to text you it is because you matter to me… If I chose not to text you anymore… it is because you no longer matter to me… and yes, that breaks my heart…

Muah Sophia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do You Text Other Swingers? Why?

I think a lot about the reasons people text others. Me, I would much rather have an actual phone call rather than an endless story  or conversation via text. I get bored watching the top of the KIK screen that says NAME TYPING… forever. I get tired of waiting for the rest of the conversation… and it may be minutes or hours or days for the rest of the conversation to happen… I get why people want to text in general… but I wonder why  people choose to text versus calling someone… especially swingers.

I know that much of this is due to the fact that people text during work… and having a phone call is not always feasible… but at the same time… if texting while working is a risk… as is a phone call… then why do you text at all during work?

I wonder why people decide to text and not really say much at all? My list of words that fucking annoy the shit out of me… is when someone starts a conversation with “Hey, What’s Up?”

I am not sure why those words annoy the shit out of me… but when you randomly text me and start off with ‘Hey, What’s Up?’ it kinda screams – I am bored and thought I would bore you…

Let’s face it… Hey what’s up is never going to win any literary contests nor is it a great catalyst for the conversation starter of the year… and oddly enough… more and more men have been texting that to me lately… I have found less and less time to talk to them… seriously… I am not sure how come they think this is going to get me to want to talk to them…

I asked someone who sends me hey what’s up texts a lot why they send this… He didn’t understand my question. I asked him… what motivates you to text me? He said he likes to talk to me. I asked him… so do you ever think that HEY or What’s up? is a shitty opening line? He said, not really… I am usually just sitting here watching TV or bored and thought about chatting with you…

Just as I figured.

You are bored and you thought of wasting time texting with me…

How is that supposed to make me feel? How is that supposed to make anyone feel?

I will tell you… not so good. I am often quite busy when people are bored and decide to text me… I make time to respond to them if at all possible… and to be told that “I was bored and thought I would waste time chatting with you and HEY or WHAT’S UP is all I could come up with… well, you know what… not so much for the ego… for me or anyone… could you actually say you would like to be told… “Hey, I am bored shitless… I am seeing if you are available to help me waste time… and, well, I have nothing to talk about… so I am going to make sure you are fucking bored while you text me…”

I am going to say this and please understand… I mean it for the best reasons…

Do not text people, people you want to fuck, have fucked and want to fuck again, or want to meet, simply because you are bored. They will know it by the quality (lack of quality) of your texts… most of the time, the person you are texting is not as bored as you are… and will actually being doing something… and you are in fact wasting their time… and that is not very sexy.

I asked another person why he texts me… This person and I have had a long and often ‘duty’ text relationship on his side… I seriously stopped talking to him via text… unfriended him on a site… and felt so much better after doing so… he read a forum post a while back and started to initiate conversation again… this time… his texts have a purpose, are conversational, and go back and forth between us as in two way communication. He learned the hard way, that my time is just as valuable as his… and not to fucking waste my time. His ‘morning’ texts were duty or task oriented… and he got upset when morning didn’t stimulate a long and exciting conversation… Now, he puts forth some real effort… so when I asked him why he texts me… he said… I feel like we are good friends and I enjoy talking with you, hearing your opinions, hearing what is going on in your life, and you are always willing to listen to all the shit going on in my life. That is a great reason to text someone…

Do you text someone for sexting non-stop 24/7?

I have had a number of guys randomly send me a text wanting to sext and then get upset that I can’t sext them… I am sorry, I am driving, I am in the middle of a presentation, I am in the middle of… doesn’t matter what I am in the middle of… it is not like I am on call 24/7 to start a sexting conversation just because you want me to be ready at a drop of a text.

I am not sure why people think I (and others they contact randomly) are available for a quick conversation to get them off… you can listen to all kinds of erotica stories told to you… you can read erotica at any time online… hell, you can read some of my stories if you want something that is connected directly to me… but fuck… if you think I am going to be able to help you jack off at any given time… I am not sure where you got that idea… but I am not your girl. While I like it when a conversation gets very sexy… if I am cleaning the house, trying to meet a deadline, about to go into a presentation or on the road… it ain’t happening… I don’t have time to text the shit out of sexy conversation while driving… and my mind certainly is not into sex or sexting you 24/7.

I asked a few others why they text me… and the answers were interesting and telling… I also asked a few… do you play games when texting?

I had to explain what I meant about that… but it mainly was about, do you while texting… only text someone when you want to brag about a conquest… don’t return their text right away to see if they will continue to text you… don’t return texts right away to make the person want you more because you don’t text right away… or you tell the person to text you to see if they will text you or if they expect you to always start the texts?

I got a lot of interesting responses… a few tried to turn the table on to me and blame me for the last question above… but let’s start with the first one…

Yes, they will text someone they know has more adventures than they do and brag about their adventures hoping to look better in that person’s eyes… I had to admit I have seen this a lot… and it annoys me… you can tell when a person is going through the motions of pretending to care about the answers they asked to get the conversation going… and then suddenly, they start talking all about them… to the point, the text conversation is box after box of their comments and few responses from the other person… literally sending detail after detail for an hour a more and the only thing the person has said is ‘nice’, ‘cool’ or ‘awesome’ and not much else… you lost the person… you are being ignored by the person… and you have no fucking clue… because all you wanted to do is brag… and the person doesn’t give a shit… not one bit…

Yes, we may both be on a sexually social adventure… but you have to ask… do they want to hear every minute detail about your adventure? Your adventure in general… probably… every single minute and boring detail… not really…

When I shared that opinion to someone who does that to me every single time we talk… he admitted that he never asked himself if he was boring me. I asked why? He said… you will hate me when I tell you the truth… I said… you won’t know until you tell me… He said… I don’t give a shit if you were bored. I wanted to brag about it… and whether or not you cared doesn’t matter. I asked him if he saw me as someone he wants to fuck or just a ‘buddy’ like another guy to share the sex details with? He said… we live so far away and the likelihood of us meeting and fucking is slim… so yeah, I am more like one of the guys that he can tell anything too…

I am glad he thinks of me as ‘one of the guys’… yeah right… what girl wants to be ‘one of the guys’? Not as exciting as you would think it is… Doesn’t matter if I would want to fuck him if we were closer to each other… when a girl or guy reaches that level of friendship… the sexual chemistry generally dies down or is lost… I asked him if he realized that… He said he has done that to a number of women he texts… how often do you fuck them? He said a few he fucked and then started texting them like this and haven’t fucked them since… Why not I asked… he said probably because I treat them like one of the guys and not someone I really want to fuck.

Bingo I said.

I asked 5 guys – do you text someone back quickly or do you make them wait on purpose? You know like, you are not doing anything at the time…actually looking for something to do… but you wait at least 5 to 10 minutes… or longer to respond?

Four of the five guys say they do on a regular basis… they want to appear to be so busy and that they are doing the texter a favor responding to them because they are so busy.

I had to ask if they get upset if someone does not respond to them quickly?

All 5 of them said yes.

I then asked, do you play games with them if they don’t respond quickly?

All 5 of them said, they didn’t really see it as games, but yes, they will pretend to be too busy to respond even in the middle of a text conversation… making that person wait and 3 said they will time how long it takes for someone to read and respond to a text… (when I say text – this includes KIK where you can see them typing back.)

I asked them if they thought it was quite childish to play such games? No, they didn’t see it as childish… but they did admit that it wasn’t the most mature thing to do.

So if something isn’t mature… it is… CHILDISH… glad you guys could muddy the waters there…

I asked all 5 how many times they have done it to me… One admitted he has never done it to me as I appear to respond rather quickly during a conversation and will generally tell him if I am too busy. Two said that they do it often – one of those because he knows I have a lot of people I text and he likes to be the center of the attention of the person he is texting… the other one said, he does it to everyone… including me. The other two said that they didn’t want to answer it because they felt I would be upset and then not answer their texts quickly in the future.

Whenever I begin texting anyone – male or female – for any reason… I tell the person I rarely initiate texts… I don’t. Rarely. Not never… but rarely. Here is why.

  1. I work from home or travel for work and my schedule is a bit more flexible.
  2. I do not have a boss or co-worker who could see me using my phone too much
  3. I do not have a work policy that forbids texting
  4. I do not have to hide the fact I text a lot of people from my husband
  5. I do not have to censor my texts so my husband doesn’t get mad

I have nothing to hide from anyone – well, the content is hidden from my adult kids – but they never use my phone… and they aren’t living with us… so I really have nothing to hide from anyone…

My schedule is flexible… but not wide open to text constantly… but because I have more flexibility – I get up very early in the morning and get a whole shit load of work done quickly and early… I have no idea what your schedule is… and depending on the time zone… and your workplace… and your spouse.

I can’t tell you how many times I find out that  the people I text do not have permission to text others… or not about the things they are texting… and not as often as they are texting me…

So, I rarely text people first because

  1. I don’t like to be ignored when I text too early for their time zone
  2. I don’t like to be the cause of ‘awkward’ moments when I text when you are with your spouse and your spouse doesn’t know we text
  3. I don’t like to interrupt you at work and possibly put your work in jeopardy
  4. I don’t like to be ignored because it is dinner time, drive time, whatever you are doing where you are too busy to text me…

However, this does not mean that I am sitting at home hoping and praying someone texts me. I am busy…whether working from home, traveling, or working on volunteer projects… or with family or with swinger activities… I am a busy girl…

So when someone gets upset that they left me a text to message them when I have time… and I know that your spouse doesn’t know we text… even if I have 7 straight hours available to text you and not interrupt any of my other activities… I am not going to text you first just because you said to text you when I have time.

I don’t understand why people don’t understand that… if you have a different schedule and different availability in your openness to text… why I would want to text you first?

If you are still asleep or heading off to work or hanging out with your spouse… and I text… and you can’t respond to me right away… and most of the time it is a valid reason (meaning you are not the type to play games like those mentioned above)… why would I want to send a text knowing I won’t get a response? And why if I know you really don’t have your spouse’s approval to text me.

I have never gotten that…

I do respond to most texts in a timely manner unless I am not near my phone (yes, that happens quite a bit… I don’t wear pockets every moment of every day and sometimes my hands are full and I can’t carry my phone), or I am driving (I do not text and drive, I will stop somewhere when it is important… and hey, what’s up is never important)… and yes, a few times, I will ignore a text because I am not in the mood to talk… for whatever reason… and I don’t have to explain those reasons… LOL…

But what I don’t get is why people think I should be available every day to talk with them and they have nothing of real importance to share with me… I don’t text you when I have nothing to share with you…

I don’t get the ‘checking in’ texts… when you simply check in with someone but have nothing to say to me other than to announce you were checking in… Can anyone explain that to me?

I have lived many days without knowing you… and I will live many more after knowing you… so to simply check in with me because you felt a need, but say nothing of importance… other than to inform me that I needed a check in text… does not make me feel all that special. It makes me feel suffocated…

I am not sure how to explain that… but I will try.

There is a fine line between feeling special and suffocated when someone checks in and let’s you know specifically that they are checking in with you.

If you want to make me feel special because you care enough to ‘check in’… don’t tell me you are checking in… here is why… you are not checking in to make sure I am okay… you are checking in to make you feel good that you are checking in and letting me know you are checking in… it is a self-centered and selfish action.

You are making sure I know you are a good person to check up on me… so much so, that you want to make sure I know you are so great to check on me…

That is suffocating… because your selfishness is suffocating me as it is not about me (and if you are checking on me should be more about me than you)… but you make it all about yourself.

I asked a few guys if they understood this… 4 guys actually. Three said they are guilty of it… exactly as I described. One guy argued my point endlessly. We discussed this and I asked him… if you are not checking in to get brownie points for checking on me… then why mention you are checking on me… why not just converse with me?

He said he is… I said, yes, he is having a conversation with me… but it is not necessary to mention that you are checking on me because we haven’t chatted for a day or two… or month or two… can’t you say something a little less – look at me I am so great for checking on you… to maybe… ‘we haven’t talked in a long time… do you have time to catch up?’

I didn’t get a response for quite a while… then he came back with this comment… ‘isn’t that what I was saying?’

I typed what I wrote again “I am just checking in on you” or “I am checking on you” and “we haven’t talked in a long time… do you have time to catch up?”

What do you see as the biggest difference in those three sentences and the first two sentences compared to the last one?

He said he wasn’t sure what I was asking.

I told him the first two sentences are all about you… the last sentence takes the other person into account…

He didn’t respond for a long time… when he finally did… he said he asked a few people at work to listen to our text conversation and they all agreed with me… not with him.

While it is not a big point to win… and certainly no prize was waiting for me after that discussion… it did demonstrate a greater point in all this…

When you text someone… do you only text them for your benefit? Do you only text them to get what you want or need from the text conversation? Do you recognize that not all the people you text want to be the recipient of a one sided conversation that is all about you?

I have wondered why people text me.

I wonder this a lot.

I wondered why people text me when they do not have time to have a conversation.

I wondered why people text me just to have a monologue conversation where I am not really involved in the conversation that doesn’t exist.

I wondered why people who want to meet me, fuck me, or fuck me again fail to realize that I want to be wanted for me… not to relieve your boredom, boost your ego because of the number of people texting you, not to listen to your endless stories that do not actually have anything to do with me… and to be considered ‘one of the guys’… and then when you decide you want to release some tension by jacking off to my words… why I am not eager to share some erotica with you?

Did it ever occur to you to figure out why you text people?

Is it for you and you alone or do you text people because you really want a deeper relationship with them?  However you define that (just really good sex, just to get off on a regular basis, to be friends, or to be lovers), do you convey that message to the person you are texting?

Just curious…

Muah Sophia

 

 

 

 

Single Men… I Want To Believe…

I am going to be honest. I love threesomes. I love hall passes. I often look with great optimism towards single males that they can lead to something great in terms of fun. Sometimes, sometimes I am too much of an optimist in this regards. Single men… I want to believe you get ‘it’… but I am beginning to believe not so much…

Today (yesterday since I am writing this post on 1/23/17 and won’t post until 1/24/17), I had to send a message to a single male that I was very interested in meeting and playing.

I saw he viewed our profile. I looked at his profile. He was good looking. His profile was a good one. He listed as straight. Now, if you have read anything I have written on here or on the forums, you will know that I am in fact a big fan of men exploring their bi side and I love and get off on gay porn regularly… in fact, it is the only porn I watch… So, when a guy talks to me about their exploration of their bi side… I love to chat with them about it…

This one particular guy asked me if I am into bi. I asked male or female? He says both. I said I am bi and I like guy/guy porn a lot. It appears at that moment he decided to open up to me… to the point that I would get text after text after text about his bi experiences starting as a teenage. I know of the first cock he sucked, his first experience fucking other guys… his invitation and consideration of a poly relationship where both guys are bi… After the first few opening texts where we talked – and I did make mention that I travel for work and would love to set up a hall pass if he was interested… and he said he was… that was the last time the conversation had to do with having an opportunity to meet me, let alone have sex. With me. A female. A female who reached out to him for no strings attached sex. And because I travel, I’d be paying for the hotel room. Hmm, an interested female, hall pass, owner of a pussy and tits, wanting to fuck him, pay for the hotel room, and I think am quite fun and somewhat cute… and all he wants to talk about is fucking and sucking other men…. where oh where did I go wrong?

Anyone? Anyone able to explain this to me????

I got bored very quickly. He would text and I would get a ton of texts one after another where I didn’t need to bother responding. It was all about his bi experience. I would let my phone sit next to me and do all kinds of other things and well, damn… he didn’t care if I was responding or not… just went on and on about bi this and bi that all about him. Bi-poly relationship, write about bi, party bi, this bi, that bi… it never, ever ended….

I hadn’t heard from him for a while. I am not thinking that is a bad thing really. I was quite excited about not having to know about his bi everything… it’s like please list yourself as bi or gay, because I am not seeing you acting as a straight guy… interested in women…

Today I get the following text messages:

Him: How was your house party? (it was listed on a site we are both on)

Me: It was a lot of fun. (I was so fucking excited that he asked or said anything about something other than his BI this or BI that… damn, thought too soon.)

Him: Very cool, any male male sex?

OMG! Seriously! WTF! I took a few deep breaths and asked myself, “Sophia (I used my real name) Do you really want to continue this shit? I answered myself… Nope. There you have it. Asked and answered.

Here is what I wrote.

Me: I love that you enjoy your bi side. However when I initiated contact with you I did so because I was interested in having sex with you. 99% of our conversation has been about guys you suck or fuck or about guy sex. While that does turn me on, I have to wonder if you realize that you’ve alienated me and my desire to get to know you. After your first mention of guy sex you’ve done nothing to engage me or otherwise indicate you are interested in me. I’m not interested anymore. Thanks for chatting with me, but I ‘m not interested anymore.

Him: I understand. Sorry, but it was nice chatting with you for a while.

Wow, I was right, he wasn’t interested in me to have sex with (likely because I don’t have a cock… cock envy happening here… lol), I was just a chatting buddy… I wasn’t looking for a chatting buddy… I was looking for… pay attention… a single male to have a hall pass with while I was traveling… WOW, did I go at this all wrong… I was honest, direct, and he wanted cock more than I do… and I really want cock.

I cannot preach this enough… and  yes, I feel like I am preaching it a lot lately… and I will explain later why I am…

But know your audience people.

Before you bore the shit out of a person, know if they will enjoy what you have to say or be bored to death.

Before you go on and on about what you want, like, or what have you… know if your audience wants to hear ONLY about you. You know, maybe ask them if they have anything they want to talk about that is not on your preferred subject… in this case guy guy sex…

I have cut off communication to 7 different guys since I started up the daily blog posts… mostly talking about communication and how to woo, flirt, or otherwise engage a potential sex partner, or in this case a girl. I cut off the communication because it is a waste of my time. Yep, a complete waste of my time… fuck, if you can type 17 long messages and I say nothing at all and you don’t even recognize that I have not read 16 of them… well, I guess no harm no foul…

There are a few guys that it is highly unlikely that we will meet and have developed a friendship… they live in states far, far away… and when we have conversations.. they are a mix of sexy, catching up, and having fun… but when someone contacts you for the purpose of meeting and having sex… know your audience people… seriously… know your audience. If they tell you they want to fuck you… more than half the work is done… don’t fuck it up… by talking about everyone else you’d want to fuck… in this case other guys…

I love talking with people. I love the communication… but I feel I must put a caveat out there… make it worth my time. I try to make it worth your time. Despite what you believe, I do not sit here at my computer with my phone handy hoping someone chats with me… I actually am busy… I travel for work, work from home, and do a variety of things in and out of the home… Sometimes I am running errands and texting you while doing the errands… BECAUSE I LIKE TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU… other times I am texting you at pit stops while traveling… BECAUSE I LIKE TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU…  and if I am too busy to take a moment, I don’t text you back… but damn… if you are bored out of your mind and you think… “I am going to text Sophia because I am bored” then make the text worth both our time… If it is not exciting or I can tell you are killing time… or it has nothing to do with me… I won’t be engaged and I won’t stay engaged with your conversation. I like to think you are texting me because you WANT very much to text me or you NEED to text me… and not that you are bored and everyone else you usually text are busy… this actually comes across subtly or in fact you don’t realize you have actually said this… seriously, have had people say, “I’m bored, entertain me”… yeah, not my job to entertain you… or “I’m killing time before my next appointment”… awesome… I care why?

I gotta stop beating my head on my desk. It simply hurts. It helps nothing. It hurts.

I gotta stop being so nice. Start telling people… hey, if I don’t reply or suddenly stop replying… it might be because I am busy… you know… peeing, taking the puppy out so she can pee, doing dishes (believe me, if I choose to do dishes instead of texting you… it means you need to up your game…) or you texted me just moments after I peed at the last rest stop and its 55 more miles before I can pee again… (I apologize for the pee references… but damn… I never tell you that I am peeing when you ask me ‘whatcha doing?’… aren’t you glad… or “what’s up?” you ask… my reply… “my urine output.” Nope, I tell you sweet things.. like “good morning sweetie” or “I was hoping you’d text”… maybe I should have a post where I give you all my standard lines I use when I am busy so you can tell when I am busy and not ask me ‘what’s up?’ You may be surprised what is up most of the time… when I make you feel like I have all the time in the world to chat with just you…

Now, don’t get me wrong… I love chatting with people… you don’t know half of what I am doing and what I am thinking of telling you… but I choose to be upbeat and positive when you ask me ‘u wet’… ask hubby, he knows what I am thinking… but please… know your audience… and please make it worth my time… I beg of you… my pussy begs of you… (I thought I would put that in for added enticement… is it working?)

Before I posted this, I sent a copy of this to 6 people I text. Here are their replies as to what I wrote… honest replies were asked for…

KW – Great post. I have some women who send me some stupid shit. I am working when they send this shit. They do not excite me when they send this shit. I repeat shit because it is. I am not your husband. Do not go on about how your day is this or that… don’t tell me the list of things you gotta do. I am a paramedic. I don’t care about your errands. I save lives. Not to be an ass, but when you text me, I want to have some fun. You want to text me during the day, get me hard. Especially if you want me to get you wet. Otherwise, I am not going to reply while at work. Sophia, you are good about that, only texting if I text you first during the day. You are even better getting me hard during the day. Some guys don’t know what they are missing when they fuck up texting you. I have to ask you, please don’t stop texting me. But do you get wet when I text you?

(My answer to him is YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG yes, he has got the best record ever of getting me wet. Just seeing his name pop up on my phone gets me wet… OMG so very wet. I want him so much… I want to show him how wet he gets me…. OMG… Yeah, my answer would be in short. Yeah, I like your texts… HAHAHA)

JL- Men are stupid. Except me. Can’t tell you how many times you got me hard and leaving wet spots on my pants. At work. Cut them loose and text me more.

RE – Girl, you and me we have the same problem. Men are wasting my time too. I about died when you mentioned the morning crap. WTF? is right. I am aware of the time of day. What I am not aware of is why you think you need to tell me. That is a greeting for a buddy, not a girl who can rock your world. Post this and tell them to get a fucking clue. Who doesn’t want to have their world rocked by a sexy woman!

BB – OMG, does that single man want your hubby more than you? If I could stop laughing so hard for a minute I would be feeling bad for you. Your ego must be hit hard. A guy wants your hubby’s dick and not your pussy. Stupid man. If he was smart, he’d take you up on your pussy and well, damn. I don’t know why he is thinking you want to have constant conversations about guys dicks. Stupid single man. That’s why we avoid them. Now I can add “he may want my man more than me” as a reason. You gonna put that on the forums? I bet that would get a lot of responses. OMG, too funny.

FI – Sweetie, you need to cut some more people out of your life a lot faster. You are too nice. Too sweet. Too willing to put up with shit. Only good side is the fodder for the blog posts. It seems to be flowing constantly to you.

LM – I tell you what, I want your hubby more than your pussy. But I am a straight girl, so does that count? I say we cut out stupid men who text stupid shit from our fuck me list. What ya say? May not have too many on the list, but then again, maybe we will hit the jack pot. I will share my numbers if you share yours. Deal?

I am not sure exactly if some of them have stopped laughing yet. I am not certain if the bump and bruise on my forehead from the beating my head on the desk after the texts I got from the single male will heal in time before meetings and travel this week. I sure hope so.

So to recap… I had a great house party on Saturday night. Fucking awesome party… got a hall pass date out of the party… got fucked very well Saturday night… and you know what… I think I will focus on those things… a great party… great sex… a hall pass… met some awesome couples we would love to meet again one on one… yep… focus on the awesome aspects…

I want to believe that there are some single men out there that want to meet and have sex with me… more than with my hubby… where the hell are you????

Please note, I am laughing about all this right now… this is funny shit, this single male stated he read my blog…. he read my blog and still carried on a conversation with me about his bi everything after I came out and asked to hall pass with me in the very beginning. I don’t know why I bother writing this blog sometimes.

Hubby will get a kick out of the idea that I am done seeking out a single man for the time being… see hubby… I am not always right and I do admit it often… even on my blog… you have it in writing…

Can you imagine how he feels living with me for 28 years? He probably longs for dull moments… LOL

On a more serious note, if you see the blog posts happen less frequently, it may be due to me pondering if it is really worth it… yep, kinda tired of hearing about how if I write honestly the posts are negative or I’m complaining again… yet, those who complain the most to me admit they do very little in actually improving their game in many aspects of swinging. I’m gonna ponder this a bit… maybe I’ll share my thoughts on it… but feel I need to remind you, if you don’t like the blog you can not read it…

Muah Sophia

Text Me Baby…..

When you join a website… a sex site… and you perv some profiles… looking long at the pictures… send an email or flirt or whatever form of first communications you have available to you… well, then you more than likely share your phone number… for texting purposes… you know to make planning a ‘get-together’ better…

Texting has a great purpose to allow you to get to know someone better… communicate is key in getting in the same place at the same time for the same purpose…. to umm…. have sex if the stars align correctly and if all systems are a go….

Texting can build sexual excitement… when you put the right words together in the right order… ones that make a bit of sense… that makes you feel all good and tingly….

Texting can remind you of the fun you already had and continue that fun and building for round two, three, twelve… whatever…

Texting can be about sex and it can be about other things… things related to life… or a fun little argument that turns you on because he or she is challenging your opinions and beliefs but in a sexy way… where you can hear their laughter in the argument… where you can feel your body responding to their words…

So much good can come from texting a sexy playmate… male to female or same sex.. whatever the combination you choose and the purpose you choose… some times the men of both sides text back and forth to plan times to get everyone together… sometimes to share details of what they did with their spouses… and sometimes… you know what they talk about….. mmmm

As much as you want to tell that certain someone to ‘text me baby’…. texting can go so wrong so fast…

Let’s say the person you are texting is boring. In person. The texts are boring. Their life is boring and they really can’t make it more exciting when they text one or two word answers…

Sometimes the texts become routine… when you can predict when, what, and all that other crap that ROUTINE defines… yeah, you might as well stop texting… I am laughing as I am about to write this… but if you are phoning in the texts… you might as well stop… did you get that… phoning in text…. OMG… I am laughing so hard right now… just find that funny… phoning in texts….

You know what I mean… it is like clockwork… you know that this will be the first text of the day… you try to change your answer to try to change their texting pattern… and it does no good… the same damn things are said everyday… If you watch The Big Bang Theory… you know of Sheldon and his bathroom schedule… yeah, it is just like that…

Nothing says you mean very little than someone using letters instead of words… in the world – in 2015 we have phones that spell out the words… just try writing the first letter of the word not the one letter you think is better… and you only have to hit the word and not spell out the damn thing… I mean come on… if texting me the same thing every day is too much work for you then stop. If you cannot use a full word instead of a letter…. my ego is devastated… Just kidding… it is annoying more than anything…

I type very fast on a keyboard and with my finger when texting… Sometimes I type faster than the device and I hit enter before I proofread… I get that… but by all that is good in the world… could you at least put all the necessary words in a sentence to make the sentence make sense… OMG… for someone who writes for a living and for those who don’t… having all the words included in the sentence that makes me feel like I am texting an intelligent person really does make one sexier.

I mean… how many times can you read the following and wonder about my ability to think….

“Me want pussy”

If this is what you read from me every day… or asked you the following question

“u hard”

Wouldn’t you wonder… does she have any fucking clue that I am working, with family, or whatever… and then wonder how the fuck am I to answer that question every fucking day… multiple times a day…..

And then  you wonder just why you wanted to fuck me… obviously I am stupider than a box of rocks….

I had one person text me everyday ‘morning’. Not good morning. Not good morning sweetie… morning sexy… nothing… just morning. And that could be the only thing he sent the whole day. And then he would get mad if I didn’t respond…

Well for all I know, I was NOT the only person he texted the same word… it felt like he was doing a chore… a task required to do everyday…

Who wants to feel like a chore… who wants to feel like a required tasks… if writing anything more to me was so difficult… why do it?

I know you can say that maybe I and others like me read too much into the text.. I should be thrilled I was included in this ‘mandatory’ text… and that is what it feels…

Unfortunately, phoning in whatever you phone in… is obvious to others… even if you like to text… if you text the same shit everyday… well…

Here is a thought… we are all on this sexually social adventure… we choose to have sex outside our marriage (just in general here folks… married folks swinging if you are single or dating… you still get the gist of this)… we seek variety.. we seek something different from someone different… we seek or crave the thrill of the chase… the thrill of the capture… the friendships… the connection… whatever it is that you are seeking, you are in fact seeking it and looking for something other than sex with one person for the rest of your life….

SO WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU PHONING IT IN!

You could say… that the person phoning it in is missing the whole purpose of this…

Texting is an opportunity to get to know the other person better. It is an opportunity to build the sexual chemistry, it is a vehicle to make them want you so much…. that they need to make you suffer as much as they are…

And suffer in the manner of wanting what only you can quench… not suffer as in they dread your texts because they are routine, mind-numbingly routine…

So what can you do?

I just left this post and googled – tips for sexy texting… here is the first in the list… http://www.lovepanky.com/sensual-tease/seduction/sexy-text-messages

I looked them over and there are some really good suggestions… I am thinking that would be a good place to start…

You know if you wanted to move past the saying the same things over and over in broken English… just saying…

I am a fan of those texts that start innocent and then build to very naughty… the ones that have me on the edge of my seat waiting for your next text… panties wet, pussy pulsing… and fingers wandering to find me some release…

Yeah, hope your sexy someone is texting you into a frenzy…

Sophia