Tag Archives: trust

I’ve Got It Good

It is Sunday morning and I am sitting here in my robe drinking tea and thinking how lucky I am. I just posted some events/parties for our group on SLS. I am chatting with some folks… and you know what… life is good.

Last week, maybe not so much… last week I handled very well some rather upsetting news… and in the midst of it all there was some swinger drama… but the upsetting news… a yearly mammogram came back with some suspicious spots… and according to the radiology site for radiologists that I have access too, these were pretty bad spots… and required REMOVAL of all spots… and were highly suspicious…

And when I say handled it well… I laughed more than I felt down… I was scared, but didn’t fall apart…

I had the support of some rather awesome folks in my life…. 90% I have never met…

OMG…

I had jokes and good wishes from Japan… Las Vegas…. and from both NC and SC…

It was good. It was great… it was what the Dr should have ordered… once again, I feel blessed to have the support and from a few of them LOVE…. of close friends…

Damn what will happen when I really meet them… to be able to let them know how much their friendship miles away…

In all honesty… the only time I shed any tears… and it was just a handful… was when talking with Beau… and that’s because while we haven’t met in person… but have known each other for 1.5 years or so… our futures are tied together… Yep, we were talking about things like…. you don’t have cancer… but in case you do… this is what I will be doing while you work on your health… so yeah, a few tears were shed. A few fears shared…

No pain from the biopsy, but since I am allergic to the tape they used and I have to keep on for 5 days… I am itching like a bitch… it is really the worst part of it all… other than the wait to find out… and I don’t have cancer… This is my 7th breast cancer scare and my worst… each time it gets worse… and closer to being cancer… feel like I am playing Russian Roulette… and I gotta admit I am sick of it… I am grateful that I have beat it each time… very grateful for that… but I wish… yeah, I wish there was a vaccination for breast cancer all women and men get as a child that protects them from breast cancer… instead of fear and breast removal… a vaccine that keeps women safe from this disease….

I’ve got it good. I have found a number of real treasures on this adventure… and wouldn’t trade them in for anything.

There are also those who are bat shit crazy and love to share their bat shit crazy with many… dealt with that this week…

It was easy to sever any ties to him… unfortunately, he is bent on showing how bat shit crazy he is… and not just to me… there is much, much more to this story… but let’s just say… I am keeping much of it to myself… not for sake of him… I would love to blast him and his crazy out into the public so no one else has to deal with him… put a neon flashing sign to stay far away from crazy… but because if I do… it reveals too much of me… and you all might not like it…

Ever since we began this adventure we have always had a rule if you want to call it that…

No, I am not going to call it a rule… it is more of an expectation… I expect him to trust me and I expect to trust him… no matter what we have going on… I need to be able to trust him… he needs to be able to trust me…

It is no secret I love to communicate with people… I love to communicate about any subject in the world… communication in my love language… it is my soul’s desire… to communicate with people…

My husband can view my phone any time he wants… he has never done it… he has access to all emails sent to me on the sites we are on… we are on a group chat together… he can see me flirting and chatting and having fun with others on the chat… we do not delete emails on the sites because I am not always sure when he has read the emails…

We are an open book… and as you can imagine the book is quite large with all the words I write… Why say what you can in five words if  you can make 10 sound all the more erotic… LOL

He spends a lot of time reading my blog, forum posts… and the list goes on and on…

Our communication is open…

Does that mean he reads all that I write in private to others…

Nope.

If he asks me what we talked about, I tell him.

He doesn’t always want to know after I told him… but I tell him…

Unless it is a secret that has nothing to do with him… something you told me in confidence and it will not destroy the relationship between hubby and I…

I often say that I don’t suffer from jealousy or insecurity in this adventure… and that is true… being honest with others is something that I do… and if my husband wants to know what is going on… I tell him… if he were to ask me to hand over my phone… I would no questions asked…. and no hiding the messages I don’t want him to see… and I don’t question the activity on his phone either.. well, except for when suddenly he gets a number of texts… then I am curious which sexy woman is texting him….

I know our relationship is different than others… some couples can do different levels of openness… some can’t do openness with each other because despite all the other things that work well with their adventure… having a ‘friend’ or someone they can share things with is difficult for the other person.

I work with each of those people when communicating with me with those different limitations because I enjoy communicating with them… but it is very challenging for me to keep the rules straight…

I am going for a poly anna statement here… I wish everyone could accept the lifestyle has different meanings and opportunities to meet the needs of those who are partaking… Sometimes, having someone you can bare all your thoughts to without judgment is huge… a sounding board before you can share them with your spouse/partner is nice… does it make sense… does it seem like something they could understand without judgment… and sometimes it is just a matter of actually ‘saying’ it… or texting it…

I get that… I need that.. I desire that… to share with someone what I think before sharing it with my husband… not because my husband will judge… but because I need someone not that closely connected to listen to me and give me feedback…

It is hard to explain that to a loved one… to your spouse… to tell them that you know what… I wanted to explore that in my head and out loud before I shared it with you… not because it would hurt our relationship, but because I needed too…

Who can understand that????? Only someone who needs to have someone other than their partner to discuss this with… without the emotional ties that may make them see it as a ‘I am not good enough’ comment…

Sometimes you have to test the waters with someone who isn’t as close…

On this adventure, so much is tied to couples… you and your spouse/partner… it can feel suffocating when you have a thought and you are expected to share only with their spouse…

To share with others is a sign of a bad relationship……….

Really????

I say no, it isn’t a sign of a bad relationship. It is a sign of a healthy relationship. When you can explore things – thoughts, desires, and fantasies with others… isn’t that what swinging is about… sharing things and by things I mean sex… with others…

If my husband was into BDSM and wanted to explore that… I would let him find someone who is also into that and they can meet for their play times…

How would he know who to explore that with if they don’t share what they want… they can’t.

Sometimes an emotional connection is not a bad thing… sometimes what you are needing is not all sex. It is the person you can connect to, be open with, and engage in a deeper level in order to have some really good swinger sex…

Be honest with your spouse and partner… tell them that you need to have others to chat with and connect with on a deeper level… reassure them that they can see what you write at any time… that little step means a lot to the other person. It means you really aren’t hiding anything from them….

Trust and respect goes a long way on this adventure… with your spouse and those you play with… have you ever wondered what the person feels like that is on the receiving end of ‘I have to hide our conversations with you from my spouse/partner’.

They are confused – why are they a dirty little secret on a sexually social adventure…

They are hurt – only good enough to be hidden away….

They are pissed – You really think I am going to put up with this shit….

They are thrilled – they don’t have to live like that….

I’ve got it good…  hope you do too…

Sophia