Tag Archives: ugly swingers

Looks, Personality, Both or Neither? Part 3

Well, I seemed to have upset a few people… I mentioned the word ugly…

Here is a news flash… ugly exists… ugly Christmas sweaters… ugly words… ugly thoughts… and yes, sometimes people think other people are ugly. Whether you soften the word ugly with unattractive… you are still thinking a person is not very attractive… or physical attribute challenged… no matter how you soften it up… it is still meaning the same thing… you are not pleased with how something looks.

I never called any one person ugly… I just said… ugly exists… look at the Walking Dead… or other shows and movies where there are some ugly on purpose people… and yes, when someone is unfortunate in their looks, takes no time to pretty themselves up with any tool available to him/her… and that can include things such as soap, water, combs, hair cuts, brushing their teeth… you get the picture…

And think about this… you see a profile picture of someone sitting slouched on a sofa, dirty clothes, messy hair, filth all around them, a cigarette hanging from their mouth, food on their face and clothes… you will think that person is ugly… your first response is – how ugly…

You can think that a person is ugly… but here is the thing… most swingers feel a need to announce to everyone they are around – how ugly that person is. And they do not see how that is wrong… Look at that couple or that profile… talk about a hot with not… and they don’t seem to think they could… I don’t know… keep it quiet.

It is normal to see someone you think is not attractive… it is normal to acknowledge it to yourself… I am not interested in that person to fuck because I do not find them pleasing to the eye… they do not spark any sexual chemistry… is perfectly fine. To announce it in such a manner that sounds like you are judging their value as a person to fuck based solely on their looks… is just rude.

Yet, because someone thinks that they deserve to only fuck the hottest of the hottest… they will judge others to their scale of hotness… and yet, they fail to realize that they have been judged by others just as harshly.

What one person finds ugly… another person finds charming, cute, hot, or whatever… what one person finds hot… another person finds not so hot…

It is all about perspective… one person’s perspective does not make the overall reality.

I have stated this many times… I do not find Brad Pitt or George Clooney hot… and so many other people do… they find them very, very hot… I do not think they are ugly… but they do not fit what I think is hot… their looks do not get me all hot and bothered… I am neither swayed in a positive or negative manner by them… they simply exist as men with looks…

My perspective is not the same as others… and that is okay… I don’t have to have the same opinion as others.. but I am smart enough to know… that my perspective is not the final authority on the hotness of Brad and George.

If I was in a room with Brad and George… and we were sitting at a table or in a sitting room arrangement… I would not say to them… “I do not find either of you hot or even really that attractive… I don’t find you ugly… but you really do not turn me on.”

I would not say that… even drunk… I know that by saying that… out of the blue and not in response to the question… “do you think we are hot?” I would come across as a self-centered bitch… if I was male and these were two women… I would be considered an asshole… yet… for some reason… swingers think… “I am hot… I am special… I can determine whether you are fuckable and then let everyone know…”

The truth of it is… it is rude. And it plays into the personality of these people… and that is truly what makes a hot person or a not so hot person… umm… ugly.

I am not really sure why people think that swinging allows them to be mean to others… in how they talk to you…

I have had a guy make a big deal about the color of my hair… it looked different from my pictures… did you want to fuck me or the color of my hair?

I have had people tell us that they won’t fuck bald guys… or they would only fuck guys with a full head of hair or completely bald… Nice job playing into someone’s insecurities…

I have had guys tell me they are okay fucking or they like fucking larger girls… or really curvy girls… and here is the thing… I get they are letting me (who is not anorexic) that they want to fuck me…

I am going to ask this question… was it really necessary to tell a guy that his hair situation matters or by trying to be nice to let me know my body shape is acceptable by them?

No, it was not… all you had to do is let the guy know you want him or you are not interested in them… you did not have to mention their hair status… if you do not find a bald man sexy… then pass him by… it is not like he will suddenly have a head of hair… just simply say… not interested…

Instead of pointing out that larger girls are okay to fuck or they like to fuck… can’t you just say… I want to fuck you? Do you have to quantify it? Do you have to point out the flaws that you find acceptable? Do you have to be mean… while thinking you are really giving a complement?

I had some people send me some comments and demand that I understand that as hot people they have the right to be picky…

I asked… so do not so hot people have a right to be picky too?

I was told that the not so hot people usually are not too picky?

Really? You know that how?

And this really goes towards the question of looks, personality, both or neither…

Sometimes, people recognize that there is more to swinging than a cock or pussy… sometimes people recognize that there is more to swinging and a person than their looks… sometimes people recognize that attraction in swinging and with people in general, you can look for things that are outside that of a spouse… and sometimes… it is the fear of connecting too much with someone that causes people to focus on the superficial items…

I had a conversation about that… and the person demanded that I understand their point… that because they already have a spouse… they want to swing with someone that is aesthetically pleasing, perhaps this is where the hot comes from… and as a result… they look only at how hot a person is…

I believe I got what they were saying… here is what I read… “My spouse is NOT hot… I want to fuck someone who is hot… I will seek only hot people because I am tired of fucking a NOT…”

How did I do?

I think I hit the nail on the head…

Muah Sophia

Looks, Personality, Both or Neither? Part 2

In the previous post, I talked about hot with not… the reality that some people are ugly… and most people who are talking hot with not… well, one of them is a not… got a comment /question immediately from that post and here it is…

“What is your fuckable level if you are a not?”

I am going to go out there on a limb and say… pretty high if you consider how many not so attractive people swing and have certifications, verification, raves, and other forms of comments saying they were fun to fuck…

The point is… if you want to fuck someone, you will adjust your criteria to fuck them… you may not tell anyone, or you may walk around saying you took one for the team, or you just jump up and down in excitement… but people will fuck someone they do not find hot all the time. And I believe it is because… they get to a point where they change their criteria for who they will fuck.

I am not sure it is taking one for the team in essence that you had no choice… you always have a choice… What I do believe it is… is you realize that maybe you are kidding yourself on how hot you really are.

A person’s ego is a great thing… and a bad thing… depending on whether or not your ego gets out of line… I have seen people who are at best average in looks and body elevate themselves to a higher hotness by not being aware of how they come across. They come across as fun, authentic, humble, and do not go around exclaiming how they must be so damn hot.

What makes them hot is not their looks, but their whole self… their personality and their looks combined make them even hotter…

That is what I meant by looks, personality, both or neither… what does make a person hot… and what makes you want to fuck them… just their looks, just their personality, both looks and personality or neither, they just need to be breathing… believe me, there are plenty of people out there that are that way… you breath… they fuck you… makes a person feel mighty special all right…

I am going to admit that I do not base my decision to fuck you on looks alone. I will admit right here right now, if I find you to be repulsive looking or ugly… I am not likely to find you attractive and that means I probably will not want to fuck you. I am human. I am flawed. I am certain people will hate me or praise me for admitting that… I do not fuck every one that breathes. However, you do not have to fall within whatever range people claim you have to be to be hot.

I have fucked guys that are incredibly hot… to me… and I have fucked guys that were attractive… I have fucked guys that were average and I have fucked guys that were not really remarkable at all in looks… as in, I would not know how to describe what they look like… hot, attractive or average… they were just… fill in the blank.

Looks do not matter to me to the point that I must fuck hot and hot only… My ego is not in need of being stroked and I am not interested in fucking people so that I have a wall of fame – as in look at all the hot guys I fucked wall of fame.

I am truly more interested in the person as a whole… Yes, I won’t fuck someone I feel is ugly because I am not attracted to him… I am human… yet, at the same time I do not fuck someone solely because of their looks… I believe I fall in the middle ground… where I know what the reality is… and the reality is, not everyone will have a hard body, gorgeous face, and perfect cock…

The reality is… I am not running a beauty contest… I am not looking for Mr America… the god of men… I am actually looking for men who interest me… who spark that desire in me for them… their looks do not matter as much as their ability to communicate… their ability to recognize that in order to fuck me they have to engage me…

I have been approached by men who are attractive and have a great body and their personality sucked. They had egos the size of mountains… and well, they often appeared stupid, conceited, uninteresting… and the entire world revolved around them and their sexual greatness… It was a turn off.

I had one person plan on coming to a state near us from a state so fucking far from us… his ego was so large and uncontrollable… he thought, seriously thought that we would make plans to see him even if he gave us no details to meet him in this city in this state not our own and would be 6 hours one way… for several months he talked about us meeting… he wouldn’t give us a day or even the week other than early November… he wouldn’t tell us where they were staying so we could make reservations for ourselves… and when we would make those reservations I had no idea as he never told us when they would be there… At some point, I lost complete interest in meeting him… A week before they arrived at their location… he finally told us the dates they were going to be there… but not the days they would be available to meet us… seriously, could not believe that he thought there was a chance after months of asking for details that we would want to or even could drop everything, take time off work and meet him in the correct part of the city, that we were never even told… then he told us after they arrived, we needed to get our asses down there… I hadn’t rearranged my schedule because I had no idea when to rearrange it for… and my husband hadn’t requested time off because his employer actually expected him to give them dates of when he needed to be off… then the guy is like, well I can drive to you guys… really? That is the solution you came up with… we wanted to meet you and your wife… not just you… and well, this seems like a bait and switch type thing… and then the last straw was when he said… ‘I thought you wanted to meet me.’ I did, but it seems like he wanted to be met more than he wanted to give me the opportunity to plan to meet him… it was more an ego trip than a real trip to see him. He posted on his wall how much fun they were having… all the things they were doing, the people they were meeting… and how wonderful it was to have swinging plans that were kept… His ego and personality made him quite ugly to me… to this day… no matter how many times people go on about how nice he is, how hot he is… I know the truth… he is pretty damn ugly inside… his ego shows all the time and it is pathetic… he believes that hot with not is a criteria worthy to judge on someone alone… he changed it up to effort, and even at that change up… his effort shows that his ego is in the way… he can’t be real, he can’t be authentic… his ego is vastly inflated and well… I saw the real him… and I was not impressed.

I judge people on their whole self… I do not look at their appearance and make a final decision… When I receive an email and then go to look at their pictures… their email weighs more than their picture… I will look at what they say to me… how they communicate and then move from there… if their email engages me… they have a great chance no matter how they look.

If their email is horribly written, rude, or otherwise leaving me to wonder WTF? and I look at their picture… whether they are hot or not… they have no chance meeting me.

To me… I have seen too many hot people with shitty attitudes… I have seen some not so hot people with shitty attitudes… I figure I can always close my eyes if you aren’t that pleasing to look at… but it is really hard to be able to ignore a shitty attitude no matter how hard I close my eyes…

To me, sex is an experience that I enjoy… so it makes sense that I enjoy the person I am having sex with… and no matter what one looks like…¬†hot, attractive, average… I am more interested in who the person is… how they convey themselves… how they engage me… I am not going to find sexual chemistry solely based on a person’s looks… when they kiss me, I generally have my eyes closed… so how does their looks really affect the kiss? It doesn’t. How they make me feel, the need to kiss them, the need to have them is not based on their looks… but how they engaged me…

To me a personality can make an average guy hot to me… when a man knows how to engage a woman… she no longer cares about superficial things… like looks… she has moved into the realm of feeling… of connecting… of expressing mutual desire… and isn’t that what swinging is really about… that kind of awesome sex…

Just my opinion…

Muah Sophia

Looks, Personality, Both or Neither?

On the forums on Kasidie… I have participated in a thread about body shaming. It is not the only thread that talks about the looks of a couple… or one part of a couple. This post is not going to be a pretty post… it is not going to be all happy hearts and shimmering rainbows… I am a Midwesterner at heart… I will talk kinda plain and to the point. On purpose. Not to hurt anyone… but to make the point kinda clear… no sugar coating… if you are offended… then take off your rose colored glasses and really look at the people on the swinger profiles…

We see in the advertisements on all the swinger sites all this young, hot, sexy people attending events, on beaches, and so on and so forth. These pictures set the stage in many people’s mind that all swingers are of a certain level of hotness.

It is not fucking true.

Even if you live in a mecca of swingers… and most of them young… they are not all hot and sexy and beautiful.

The reality is… few are perfect – meaning having a perfect body and a beautiful face. Often it is one or the other… unless it is the models they use for their advertisements. The general run of the mill swinger is not perfect. They are not even close to being perfect.

People are flawed. I am sure if those models on the swinger sites were not airbrushed, photo-shopped, filtered, with makeup artists and what not… they would look less perfect.

What we see as enticements for the swinger sites are just that enticements… same for the resorts and cruises that are for swingers… they want you to buy into the belief that… all swingers are hot and sexy and perfect.

The reality is yes, swingers are hot… usually because of exertion during sex – often because they may not be in as good of shape as they should be… or because the temperature of the room is not so comfortable once the bodies start slamming together… or other reasons for hotness… but a person who is in the middle of having sex… is not really that hot looking other than looking hot…

Pictures that normal people take are of awkward angles… or they are posed so much that you know they are posed and it loses its realness but it may be a pretty shot… real sex happening when the person is fully engaged is not a sexy scene in porn or the pretty pictures placed up for others to admire when signing up for the resort, club, or party.

Most swingers are not sexy 24/7 like the pictures show us when trying to get us to enjoy whatever swinger thing they are selling us. People are awkward, nervous, flawed, and yet, sometimes sexy shows through…

My point in all this is to share with you the reality…

You are not as hot as you think you are.

I know for many this comes as a surprise… and believe me, I am in that same category… I am not as hot as I like to think I am all the time… there are times when I look pretty damn hot and then try to capture it in a picture and think WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED in the span of a few short seconds going from hot to not myself.

Yeah, that happens… to everyone, even those damn models I keep referring too. When has one photographer taken one picture of a model and stopped? Never. Photographers take multiple pictures, multiple lighting options, filters, backdrops, outfits… you get my drift… the model perfect folks didn’t just go and take one picture and that be all that was taken… yet, people buy into the belief that all swingers will be hot like them.

That last sentence is one that will get me into some trouble. People buy into the belief that all swingers will be hot like them.

Most people who swing aren’t really hot.

Skinny is not necessarily hot.

Overweight does not make you less hot.

An average face is not necessarily hot.

A cute face is not necessarily hot.

An ugly face is not necessarily not hot… (I know double negatives, but go with the flow here baby… you can do it…)

Hot is a subjective word. What I find attractive, hot and ugly varies from day to day and person to person. And this is in vanilla life… I can see someone with some scars and think, damn he/she is hot… not because of the scars or the lack of scars on someone else, but the manner in which they carry themselves…. But I am going ahead of myself here.

Hot is subjective.

Get three women together and parade 10 men in front of them. You will have three women who find each of those 10 men at a different level of hotness, attractiveness and unfortunately, even ugly.

Yes, people… sometimes people are ugly. They are just not attractive. DO NOT GET POLITICALLY CORRECT POLICE ON ME… We have to face the fact that some people are not considered attractive… and the opposite of attractive is… even if it is not a ‘nice’ or ‘acceptable’ word… the word is ugly.

Sometimes people are mean. Sometimes people are liars. Sometimes people are ugly. In order to understand that scale in which someone can fall on the scale of attractiveness… there has to be an absolutely beautiful and an absolutely ugly and the range in between.

I am sorry if this upsets any of you… but I was born in 1969 and lived through the 70s and 80s – where… kids played sports and someone one and someone lost… the reality of life is… you play a sport with someone else… you will either win, lose, or tie… and even the ties have rules to really determine who is the winner…

Just like… there are some people who are attractive, so-so, cute, handsome, unattractive, ugly, unnoticeable or unremarkable or unremembered… they look like any number of people because they just do not stand out…

I am not picking on anyone. I am not saying any particular people are ugly… I am saying ugly people do exist… as it is one person’s point of view.

And that is my next point… it is a person’s point of view. Their point of view. While it may be about you… it does not have to be your point of view.

So, in the sexually social world… there are people who believe this “People buy into the belief that all swingers will be hot like them” and they are not viewed as hot by others.

That is where the expectations of one does not meet the expectations of others… it is also at this time, you must be able to determine whether or not you are setting realistic expectations. Are you really as hot as you think?

I could, if I wanted to start a blog post on all my ‘flaws’. I have many of them. I am aware of them. I work on a good number of them. However, I do no and will not even to make a point in this post, list all my flaws.

Why?

Because I am aware of them. I know where I am pretty and where I am not so much. I am certain unless you are a sight challenged¬†man or woman… you will be able to see my physical flaws. So, I have no reason to point those out to you. You can see them. I set my expectations realistically. I will not be every swinger’s dream physically. I get that. I accept that… I move on from that because my expectations are set appropriately. I do not get upset if someone does not find me physically appealing to their point of view.

Why?

Because it is their point of view. They are able to have their point of view. Will they miss out on my witty conversation, my flirting that makes them feel good about themselves, the awesome sex we could have? Who the fuck knows or cares? If they don’t find me attractive, I don’t care.

My self esteem and my self worth is not tied into being the hottest pussy in swingerville. Having constant adulation about my pictures, my posts, or what-have-you makes me feel good… but after a while… it get’s old after a while too… because you tie yourself up with competing with others to get more likes… and then your self-esteem and self-worth get’s wrapped up on someone’s whim of liking you for the day.

My looks – I have been lucky in the face department… I am cute and I look a lot younger than my real age… I know I am lucky… I am fucking lucky… but that is not and never has been a thing I focused on… I never went around thinking my whole life and self esteem is dependent on the youthfulness of my face. I have never used botox even when I worked for a DR who after the patients came in, offered the left overs to employees as a perk… I turned down the offers… She pointed out my forehead and my lines on my forehead… I have had those lines since I was a little girl… I also wear very long bangs… who the fuck sees them on any given day? I have laugh lines… the only time those laugh lines show is when…. I AM LAUGHING… They are a badge of honor for me… I want laugh lines that tell the world I am laughing a lot!

My self-esteem is not tied up into whether or not I have a flat stomach. Here is the thing. I don’t have a flat stomach. Even as a young teen and within the normal weight range, my stomach wasn’t flat. My father pointed that out all the time, suck in your gut… WHAT THE FUCK! I can suck it in all I want… it still won’t be flat… My self esteem is not tied into what my stomach looks like…

Let’s be honest… put a naked picture of me next to any of those swinger models and I will tell you right now, the model will be pretty to look at… my expectations are realistic… I know that in a picture contest she will win… Who cares? It doesn’t change who I am and what I find valuable about myself… You know what??? You won’t find me in a picture contest with a skinny girl… why would I put myself through that… Realistic expectations.

I have written before, that many swingers think they are a lot hotter than they really are. I can’t believe how many will sit there and go on about how they won’t take one for the team… and the person they are talking about is far better looking than their spouse… I want to say… “Shit girl, you have been taking one for the team since you started dating this guy.” But I don’t… I sit there and laugh and wait for the moment when she gets turned down because, well, she is not as hot as she thinks she is and her personality kinda sucks… arrogance is not sexy…

I have seen guys do the same thing… they think they are all that… and all they are is full of shit… they have an arrogance that comes out smelling like a pile of shit…

I have seen both males and females talk about hot with not… and well… one of the two of them is not as hot as they think they are and the other is not as hot as the one who thought he/she was hot… it really is a no-win situation.

When someone calls out a person for being a hot with not… how many times do you look very closely at them and their spouse and start figuring out who the hot with not is…

And how many times does their personality feed into their hotness?

I think those who are hot are hot not because of their looks alone… but because of how they care themselves… and how they carry themselves makes them hotter because they act as if they don’t realize or care if they are hot or not…

Well, I have decided this is part one… I have more to say on this…

Muah Sophia