When Real Life Interrupts Your Adventures – Being Parents

I cannot stress enough that you have every right to live your adventure your way… so when I give my opinions on certain topics about swinging/sexually social adventure/lifestyle… I am simply giving my opinions…for whatever in the world they are worth… and most likely not much more than food for thought.

But oddly enough… there are times, like I said before that I am afraid to say something because someone may find what I write to be about them… and then they may get upset….

I reviewed some of my posts… and I looked at some of the stuff that we have put up with in our adventure and thought… you know what… I hope that person never contacts us again… I hope that person is pissed at us for pointing out what they did was rude, inconsiderate, or other similar words… so if my posts keep them from contacting me… well job well done….

Why? Not because I am PMSing, in a bad mood, or just needing to get my bitchiness out….. but because what you did is stupid…. and it is the stuff that makes this adventure difficult or at least annoying… giving it a bad name…. for us and for the others you do this shit too… and you know what… we all know that people will do the same stupid shit over and over again until they are forced to change…. and change is very slow if at all at happening…..and that is coming for an optimist….

I love to tell people who think that the post I make on the forums or blog are not them…. alone…More than likely you did not rate high enough to be the sole focus of my blog posts…. your most recent behavior may have been the catalyst for me thinking of the topic… but sweetie… you are not the only person I have contact with… and sadly or happily depending on your point of view… you are not the only person who acts stupid when it comes to sex and sexually social adventures…. 

Now, we began our swinging adventure when our youngest was 18 and a few months from graduating from high school and heading off to college…. I do not think we could swing if we had to deal with babysitters and when I say babysitters I mean the cost and hassle of getting babysitters… paying babysitters, hiding what we look like before and after we come home… or getting them home safely if they aren’t driving or even if they are driving… making sure they aren’t necessarily driving home at 4 am…

Nope don’t think we can do that… 

Nor could we do the whole having other playmates come to our home and have sex while the children are at home… even if they are little children…. You know what… we just don’t need to fuck strange that bad…. we do not need to place our children in that situation…. and we do not think you are so hot… so wonderful… that we need to fuck you with your children home… honestly… don’t think anyone is that hot for us to think that…. 

Unless you have worked with children and had to find out what they know… what they see… what they hear… and how they interpret those sources of data they get as a child…. you are not aware of what all a child is aware of… and if you were… you would be far more careful of what you did or said in front of a child…. 

Children are unable to process the fact their parents have sex… they do not understand the  noises parents make when having sex… and come on folk… sometimes it sounds like daddy is being mean to mommy… or mommy is being hurt… or if calling names is being done while having sex… a mommy screaming out while having sex is scary for a child who may think mommy is hurting… and they want to help or at least find out what is happening to mommy…. they stand on the other side of the door… or they walk into the room… either way.. they do not understand what they are seeing and hearing….

And this is the same for children of all ages… we had an awkward moment (okay days) after our 18 year old son came home early from a school event while hubby was being rather vocal in stating what he wanted, thoughts, and that slap on my ass really did make a lot of noise… Our 18 year old son couldn’t look at either of us and by all that is good in the world… of the two of us… he hated his father that day… and several afterwards…. because of what he knew his father was doing to me… and he knew we were having sex…. he knew but couldn’t cope with the knowledge of his father fucking his mother…. even when you, yourself are having sex (not the case for our son at the time) but when you had sex and you heard your parents having sex.. yeah… it is still difficult to grasp that thought and run with it… it is something that will stop you in your tracks… my parents having sex…. but to hear it or see it… TRAUMATIZING no matter the age… 

But let’s say that child hears his daddy call his mommy a whore and he is in third grade and he already knows that whores are considered bad…. yeah.. you know what… they are not able to process the reality that sex between adults is not slide in, deposit sperm, and pull out and be done with it…. or your cute little 4 year old likes a little girl or guy in preschool and calls him/her a whore like daddy does… and the preschool teacher freaks the fuck out…. 

Children do not process things in the same manner as adults.. and often adults do not process things properly… so things of their past can mess up their way of thinking as adults… yeah.. consider the number of folks with sexualy dysfunctions, mental illness (not because of sexual dysfunctions), or just hangups… how did those develop?????

Consider your personal hangups and issues you have as an adult that you can point to a parent, grandparent, teacher, preacher, or sibling that really fucked up your life or beliefs or thoughts on sexuality…. 

See the connection…. Your childhood affects your adulthood… you cannot escape what your childhood does to your adulthood… you can change the resulting factors… but they are there to either change, ignore, or adapt too… but they are there… 

Hubby and I do not like to have play dates in the homes of people with children at home… That doesn’t mean if you have children we won’t play with you… It means if you have children at home and we are invited to your home… we won’t go… play or no play…. we will meet you at a restaurant, a bar, or anywhere else… but not at your home…. we did that one time and the results were not good… and I explain that a little bit further down the post… 

There is something about knowing your child may hear us flirting with you… talking about sex with you.. .and you know what… when people drink and they are thinking they are talking in a clever manner… with coyness, and sexual innuendos… well… hot shit… you are NOT as clever as you think… and kids can pick up on it… and when you are rubbing your hand on my hubby’s cock and showing him your breasts and your kid peeks around the corner… or mommy is kissing a man not daddy or a woman…. yeah… this is confusing… 

And my hubby has a strong fear of fucking a woman silly and their kid coming into the room and seeing his mother’s legs up and over her head… his naked ass clenched as he is pounding into her… and her begging while moaning loudly to fuck her harder…. 

Yeah… the stuff traumas are made of… he doesn’t want to be the ‘stuff’ that child’s trauma is made of….

But there is another side and a more serious side that really pisses me off…. and that is when you joke about what to do to make your kid sleep while you fuck someone… 

For example… someone mentioned on chat the other night “cough syrup, just give them cough syrup”…. And you know what… That guy is a parent and I lost respect for him for his statement…. he was not the only person who has said that…. or did just that…… we had dinner with a couple that never bothered to tell us that they had a 3 year old… and then when we got to their house they had their 3 year old… a rather bratty one… running around the house… until they dosed him with medicine so that he would sleep… I have a real problem with that…. on so many levels and mostly because I am a parent that never dosed my kids for any reason, just that I have a bit of time without them being a pain… Maybe it was because my children were not a pain to me… they listened to us even as little kids… or maybe it is because I am a parent and a social worker… or maybe because there is/are many ways to have sex while being a parent that does not require one to drug the shit out of their kids…. Back to the chat thing… I didn’t find it funny… And today it is used as an example… and if he reads this and gets upset… GOOD… you need to know that it is not acceptable…. it was not funny… and you know what… if you think that this was about you… it is…. but not just because you said this… but because we ran across someone who did that to their child… and sex was not going to happen at all with this couple… even before we met their kid… so drugging their kid was not called for… as if it ever is… 

This is not funny… this is not something you joke about…. I never understand the need to drug a kid because you cannot deal with them… but to joke about it and come across as serious on a chat or forum or even in person… just so you can get fucked…

Yeah… I have a real problem with that… a real problem….

In my opinion… if you cannot afford a babysitter… if you cannot get away from home… if you cannot swing with your children home unless you drug them… then maybe… just maybe.. you need to think twice about this swinging thing….. drugging your kids is not acceptible… you may have to rethink your parenting priorities… and put swinging on the back burner until such a time as you can swing without traumatizing your children….

I wrote about this more than a year ago on a forum post and a mother of 4 wrote me a nasty response and basically told me that if her children wander into their bedroom while they have a swinger guest over… she will stop the sex and care for her children…. well good for you and your family… I was only talking about what our opinion is about this whole thing… if they want to have those situations happen… great… but I have a problem with parents drugging their kids so they can sleep through them making loud, drunken, sexual noises…. I also ended up stating… if we know that we are meeting up with parents of young children needing to pay for a babysitter… we have no problem paying for the room… to even out the burden… but our stance is still the same… we will not go to a home where young children are present to have sex with a couple… we do not want to be the reason they drugged their kids that day…. or possibly traumatize them…

Swinging is not a necessity in our lives… it is a hobby or a way of thinking and behaving that we enjoy… but by no means is it something that we will do at the sake of our children’s mental health… we take great care to make sure that we do not place our play mates into situations where they feel they have to drug their children or expose their children to witness their swinging activities…. and yes, we have told many parents who ask us to come to their home… no.. it is not worth it… having sex with you is not worth the potential for damage to your children just to fuck you….

It seems they have seen our perspective and have made arrangements to have their children cared for by someone else so they can play with us….

And for the record… I never play with people who joke about drugging their children for sex… even if it is sex between the spouses…. seriously people… these are your children… not inconveniences… it certainly doesn’t make you FUCKABLE joking about it….

Again… just my opinion….

Hope you are enjoying your sexually social adventure…

Sophia